Resiliency
by samaryley
Summary: The Curtises have learned to deal with the realities and complexities of life, but things just never seem to be as simple as they should be for the family. Part 4 in the series, sequel to Complexity.
1. The Cop

**A/N: This is the fourth in a series of Curtis stories from the point of view of a younger sister, Scout, who is twelve at the time of her parents' deaths. The first three stories, Epiphany, Reality, and Complexity, set up much of the background for the characters and events of this installment in the series, therefore, you may want to start at the beginning with Epiphany. Thank you for reading and I hope you continue to enjoy Scout's story.**

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I had been too exhausted when Darry lay me in the bed to worry about whether or not I might have any nightmares, and probably would have slept soundly had the muscle relaxants not worn off and I not been awakened by the grumble of distant but approaching thunder.

I opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling, hearing the pounding of rain against the window as the room lit up and the thunder rolled off in the distance again, realizing that this was the first storm we'd had in Tulsa since my parents had died. Maybe there had been one the night before, just like the one we'd had in Mississippi, but this was the first time I had lain in my own bed listening to a storm on its way without the security of knowing that if it got too loud or too scary I could seek the comfort of my parents just down the hall.

I guess I'm too old for that, anyway, I tried to reason with myself… a twelve year old shouldn't be going crawling to her parents just because she is scared of a little thunder. Still, I longed to feel it, just one more time, that feeling of being protected on both sides by the two people who loved me more than anything else in the world. I decided to sleep the rest of the night in their bed, hoping that maybe somewhere in the recesses of my mind I would be able to feel them beside me, just one more time. I got up and was walking to my door when suddenly a voice startled me and I almost screamed.

"You okay, Scout? Where you going?" It was Darry. A flash of lightning lit up the room and he was sitting up in my spare bed looking at me sleepily.

"God, Darry, you scared me! What are you doing in here?"

"I told you I'd sleep in here until you didn't want me to anymore, and you haven't told me not to, so… what happened? Why are you up? Were you having a nightmare again?"

"No… not really. Just… the storm…"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot how you're scared of storms," he said, pulling me down on the bed to sit next to him.

Another flash lit up the room, followed by a crack of thunder, and he must have seen my face.

"Hey, are you _crying? _What's the matter?"

I wiped my cheeks but didn't answer right away.

"I _miss _them, Darry. I keep thinking I'm getting better and I'm done crying about it, then I remember something else and it's like losing them all over again. I hadn't even thought about how I used to go into their bed when we had a storm until we had one last night…"

"Is that where you were going, then? Their bed?"

"Yeah. I don't know why. I just thought I could, I don't know…remember them better or something. I just want to remember how it felt, feeling safe with them."

"I get it," he said. "I miss them too, baby. Different ways, maybe, but just as much."

"It's stupid, anyway," I said, "to be afraid. I should have grown out of it by now."

"It's not stupid. Everybody's afraid of something."

"Yeah, right. Except you." I couldn't remember ever really seeing Darry afraid.

"There're things I'm scared of."

"Like what?"

"Well, snakes for one."

"You're afraid of snakes?" It shocked me that Darry might be afraid of something of which I was not. "Where do you even _see _snakes anyway, except the zoo?"

"They get on the field sometimes, at practice. I won't even get out on the field if there is one, until one of the guys gets rid of it way out in the woods somewhere.

I giggled a little, imagining Darry in his pads and uniform, which made him look even bigger than he already was, shrieking and running at the sight of a snake. He took slight offense at my laughter, though he wiped away my tears and they didn't return.

"What's so funny about that? You're scared of spiders."

He was right; I was terribly, irrationally afraid of spiders.

The storm was right above us at that point, and every clap of thunder shook the house right down to the foundation. I cringed despite myself each time the sky lit up, anticipating the crash to follow.

"So that's it? That's all you're afraid of? Snakes?"

"I wish."

"Why? What else?"

He lay back on the bed, pulling me down next to him.

"I don't know… Not _things_, so much."

"What do you mean?" I asked, as simultaneous lightning and thunder illuminated the room and shook the house at the same time.

"I mean, it's not _things_ I'm afraid of, it's stuff like tonight, getting that phone call that you and Soda got in an accident. _That_ scares me…. Something happening to one of you, or not knowing if you're okay. I would have rather slept in a room _full _of snakes than feel as scared as I did that whole time when you and Pony were gone."

I remembered thinking about how he'd handle the phone call about the accident… I guess I knew that would scare him.

"I wanted to call you myself today, so you would know I was okay, but they wouldn't let me."

"Well, that's all part of their make-the-guardian's-hair-turn-gray plan."

"Your hair isn't turning gray… yet. Besides, we worry about you too, you know. It scares me, too… that something could happen to you."

You don't have to worry about me, Scout."

"Well, I do. Your job… it's dangerous. You could fall. Or _you_ could get in a car wreck. Even… playing football, I get scared for you."

"I don't take chances at work, Scout. Believe me. I know all that's riding on it."

"Did you ever worry about Mom and Dad? I mean, about something happening to them?"

"Not really," he answered. "Not nearly as much as I worry now, about you and the boys."

"I never worried about them either, not like I worry about us now." It seemed weird, that the two people that I had never thought to worry about were the ones I had ended up losing.

"You still want to go in there, to sleep?"

"No, I'm okay." I stood up and walked back to my own bed.

"Maybe I can try sleeping alone again tomorrow night," I suggested, even though I was not so sure I was ready for it. I felt bad for Darry, though. After years of sharing a room, he finally got his own, and now his crybaby kid sister was making him sleep in her spare bed.

"You think you're ready for that?" he must have read my hesitation.

"I guess I won't know unless I try."

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. 'Night Darry."

"Night Scout."

………………………..

I woke up alone in my room, to silence in the house. It was a strange feeling, and I didn't have to look around to know that I was home alone. I dragged my achy self out of bed and wandered out into the kitchen and saw a note in Darry's handwriting. I picked it up and read it.

_Scout,_

_Sorry to leave you home alone but Pony will be home right after his exam. I called the hospital this morning and Soda is doing fine. We can go get him when I get back from work this afternoon. I left you one of the pills in case you need it. Be good._

_Darry_

Be good. I had to laugh at that. I couldn't think of anything even the slightest bit rebellious that I wanted to do. I swallowed the pill with a swig of orange juice straight out of the container – something I never got to do since I was almost never home alone – and headed into the bathroom to take a shower. As I stood under the hot water, hoping it would ease some of my aching muscles, I examined the bruises the seat belt had left on my hips and stomach, and wondered what would have happened to me if Soda hadn't made me put it on. I thought about what Darry had said, about not knowing what he'd do if he lost one of us…

I had just turned off the water and stepped out of the shower when I heard noises in the house. Suddenly the fear that had subsided over the past week came rushing back, and I realized that I had absolutely no idea what had become of Steve. It could be him, right now, in the house. I hadn't even checked to see if the door was locked. I was frozen. There it was again: zero at the bone.

"_Scout? Where are you?_" It was Ponyboy. I breathed again.

"I'm in here. I'll be right out." I dressed and brushed my hair, braiding it as I walked out into the living room to find Pony watching TV.

"How you feeling today?" he asked.

"Okay, I guess. How was your exam?"

"Not too bad. It was multiple choice. You see Darry's note?"

"Yeah. I'm glad we can take Soda home."

"Me too. You hear that storm last night?"

"How could I _not_?"

"Were you scared?"

"Yeah," There was no point in lying. "But Darry woke up and talked to me."

"It was weird for me, not having Soda in the room. We usually both wake up and talk during storms, too." That figured. I marveled again at how those two could be so different yet so close. I actually felt a little bad that I had Darry with me for comfort while Pony had lain alone in his room, missing Soda. Nobody likes feeling alone.

We just sat there and watched TV until just after noon when Darry came home. He forced Pony and me to eat something while he hopped in the shower and as soon as he was ready we piled into Kevin's car to go get Soda. Darry had borrowed it, not wanting any of us to have to ride in the back of the truck for such a long drive. It took almost exactly an hour to get to Muskogee and after an hour of sitting, my muscles had tightened up again considerably. I struggled to keep up with Pony and Darry as we headed down the corridor to Soda's room. Darry entered the room first and I saw him stop short. Pony and I stood in the doorway behind him.

We were all surprised to find a policeman in the room with him. For a moment, I thought maybe Sandy's Dad had followed through on his threat to have him arrested for kidnapping. Darry immediately shifted to guardian mode.

"Officer," he nodded at him, suddenly seeming taller. "Is there a problem? I'm Darrel Curtis, Soda's brother… and guardian."

"No, not really. Just…" he eyed Pony and me and turned back to Darry, "…would you mind stepping out into the hallway with me for a minute?"

Pony and I both looked at Soda, who seemed calm enough, and then back at Darry, who looked concerned, to say the least. Pony grabbed my hand as Darry followed the cop out into the hallway and the door closed behind them.

For a second, nobody spoke, until:

"Soda, what the _hell _is going on?"

Pony finally spoke for both of us.


	2. The Suggestion

"Hey, calm down, you two, it's no big deal."

"So then what's the cop doing here?" Pony wasn't buying it, and neither was I. So far, in our lives, anyway, the presence of a cop had never been anything but a bad sign.

"Seriously, guys, relax. He was just here to get information about the accident, about how it happened."

"Are you in trouble? It wasn't your fault, Soda. I saw the light, it was green." I wondered if the cop would need to talk to me, too.

"Yeah, I did too, obviously, or I wouldn't have gone. He's just getting the facts, for his report or something."

"Why does he want to talk to Darry, then? He wasn't even there." Pony was, clearly, just as suspicious as I was.

"I don't know. Maybe they need a statement from him since he's our guardian, or something." Soda looked at Pony and me and read the skepticism written all over our faces. "Really, guys. It's fine. Scout, c'mere." He motioned me over, and both Pony and I went over and sat on the bed.

"Look familiar?" he asked, showing me his cast. It looked exactly the same as the one I'd had after breaking my wrist in the woods after leaving the church.

"Oh, just you wait 'til the itching starts," I remembered how all three brothers had told me I was being completely melodramatic when I had been beside myself with aggravation over the unscratchable itches that occurred underneath the cast. "Let's see who's the drama queen now," I teased.

"I can't wait," he smiled. "But I hear it's pretty easy to take out Two-Bit with one of these things," he added, remembering how I had cut Two-Bit with my cast during my pre-court tantrum.

"Soda… come on, you know I didn't mean that." I was surprised he remembered; I still felt kinda bad about it. Every once in a while Two-Bit would still tease me about it. "Plus, he's gonna have one of his own, on his leg, you know… He'll kick you back, and break your leg, too."

"Good point." Soda grinned.

"Did you get to see him today?"

"Yeah, they let me visit him after he had his surgery. They had to put some metal in his leg, to make it heal right, but he'll be okay. He has to stay another day or two, until they put his cast on. He's driving the other guy in his room crazy, just like you'd expect." I had to smile, thinking about being trapped in a room with a bedridden Two-Bit on medication. That would probably be enough to send even the most patient person over the edge.

There was another patient to wonder about, but I was hesitant to ask.

"So… what about Sandy?" I asked, warily. "Did you get to see her?

"Yeah, I did," Soda smiled. "She talked to her folks, told them that I never hurt her… that I wouldn't. They're still not exactly in love with me, but they weren't mean, at least, and they let me see her… alone, even. She got to go home already."

"Is she… how is she doing? Is she okay?"

"She's…" I could tell he was thinking about his words carefully "…not great. She's upset. Confused, I think. But she still wants to be with me." Soda seemed content with that last fact, and I knew he would do whatever he could to help her get through whatever it was she was going to have to get through. If nothing else, the events of the past months had taught me that what may seem emotionally insurmountable at first actually _does_ get a tiny bit easier every day. It still hurt every time I thought of Mom and Dad, or Johnny or Dallas, but the pain was far less raw than it had been when we had first lost them. And about Steve attacking me, well, I could see progress there, too, in how I was dealing with it. Maybe not by leaps and bounds – more like baby steps, actually, but I was doing better.

Just as I was thinking about all that, the door opened again, and Darry came back in. We all stared at him, and Pony couldn't hold back.

"What was that all about? Is Soda in trouble?"

It was obvious that Darry was trying to maintain a neutral expression, and I didn't like that one bit.

"No, no… nothing like that." He didn't elaborate, and we all three just continued to stare. Finally, his expression softened a little, and I felt reassured that maybe it wasn't anything truly bad, though it was clear that there had been more to the conversation than just the fact that Darry was our guardian.

"Then what'd the cop want with you?" Even Soda, who just minutes ago had been so sure there was no problem, seemed a little suspicious.

"Guys, relax. It's no big deal. We can talk about it at home. Unless you'd rather stick around here a little while longer, huh Soda?"

"At home it is then," Soda agreed immediately, sliding his feet over the side of the bed.

"I signed your discharge papers in the hallway," Darry said. "You're a free man."

"Cool. I got most of my stuff ready to go already… you bring me some clothes?"

Darry grabbed the bag he had dropped earlier in one of the chairs by the door, and brought it over to Soda.

"You're gonna hafta help me, Dar," Soda said, struggling to get his hospital gown off over his cast. Darry shot a look my way, and I figured that was my cue to get lost for a while so he could help Soda get dressed.

"Do you know Two-Bit's Room Number, Soda? I guess I'll go visit him while you guys… uh… take care of things in here."

Soda laughed at my embarrassment.

"Three-sixteen, down the hall to the right. And you better make sure he's decent before you go in there, too!"

I turned and left and heard Soda still laughing at me as I headed down the hall. He wasn't usually one to tease me too much, but I guess the combination of his painkillers and his happiness at getting out of the hospital was making him act a little bit Two-Bit-ish, which was strange, because once I arrived at Two-Bit's room, peeking in first to make sure there was no risk of indecent exposure, I found him to be quite non-Two-Bit-ish. He was grimacing as I walked over, not even noticing I was there until I got right up to the bed. I had never seen him in real pain before… only sad, like when Darry and I had to tell him our parents had died. I didn't like seeing him then, or this time either.

"Hey Scooter," he whispered, his voice raspy, obviously trying to manage a smile but failing miserably. He winced and let out a small gasp the moment the words left his mouth.

"Two-Bit… are you okay?" he was scaring me, looking so… well… hurt. From what Soda had said, I had expected him to be turning cartwheels off the bed and whistling Dixie to drive his roommate crazy. I glanced at the other bed and saw that the person occupying it was asleep.

"Yeah, 'm okay…," he said. I could see his hands gripping the sheets so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

"Two-Bit… you're not okay. What should I do? Should I get a nurse?"

"Yeah, maybe… I tried pressing the button, but…," he squirmed in obvious pain and squeezed his eyes shut, drawing in a breath through clenched teeth, "nobody came."

"I'm getting somebody. I'll be right back." I turned and ran out the door, heading back down the corridor toward the nurses' station I had passed on the way to Soda's room. Just as I rounded the corner, Soda emerged from his doorway in a wheelchair, being pushed by Darry. For a second I was panicked… I knew Soda hadn't hurt his legs, but then I remembered that for some reason they always made you leave the hospital in a wheelchair.

"Scout, what's the matter?" Darry looked worried. I probably looked like somebody was chasing me.

"Two-Bit… he needs a nurse. He needs medicine… or something, I don't know! He's not just kidding!"

Darry handed Soda off to Ponyboy.

"What room is it?" he asked. I had forgotten.

"Three sixteen," Soda said. "I'll show you." He got up out of the wheelchair and, out of nowhere, a nurse appeared, barking orders at him to sit down.

"No, he's okay," I said, motioning to Soda, "but… our friend, he needs you. He's been calling for a nurse, but nobody came." I was already leading her by the hand back to Two-Bit's room. Darry and Soda followed, along with Pony, who was trotting along behind them still pushing the empty wheelchair.

As we entered the room, I was shocked to see that Two-Bit was actually crying. He wasn't making noise but his jaw was clenched and tears were running down his face. The nurse rushed over to his chart and read it.

"What is going on here?" she exclaimed, and hurried out of the room.

"Hey!" Darry chased after her. "Aren't you gonna do something? Can't he get something for the pain?"

"I'll be right back," she called, and Darry came over to join us at the bed. Ponyboy looked equally as upset as I did, and Darry saw that the situation wasn't really comfortable for any of us. Two-Bit saw us staring at him and tried to turn away, but only winced in pain again.

"Soda, go out in the hallway with Pony and Scout until the doctor gets here."

Soda looked at us, then back at Darry, and apparently decided that arguing with Darry wouldn't be worth it. I backed out the door, staring disbelievingly at Two-Bit in the bed.

"Darry, is he…"

"He's okay Scout, the doctors will take care of it." Even as he spoke, he was leaning in, grabbing Two-Bit's hand and leaning in to talk to him in the voice that never failed to calm a Curtis, though I had never heard him use that tone with Two-Bit before.

As we left, a group of nurses and a doctor rushed in the door past us, closing it behind them. Darry came out a minute later.

"Is he okay Darry, really?" I had never seen Two-Bit look like that, and it had upset me far more than it would upset me to see any of my brothers crying, though I wasn't quite sure why.

"He'll be okay. They missed his last dose of pain medication somehow. They told me we should probably just go – whatever they are giving him now is just gonna make him sleep."

Pony still looked as concerned about things as I did – I was guessing he had never seen Two-Bit in a state anything like that either.

Darry noticed, of course, and put an arm around each of our shoulders, squeezing us against him, one on each side.

"He'll be okay, guys. I promise. The hospital just messed up." Darry looked over at Soda. "You need to see Sandy before we go?"

"No, actually… she already went home, she stopped by my room on her way out this morning."

Everybody was quiet for a moment and, suddenly, the nurse who had originally ordered Soda to get back in the wheelchair emerged from Two-Bit's room. She gave him a look and he sat right back down in the chair.

"Anybody want to go home?" Darry asked.

"Wheel me away, boss," Soda said. Darry released his grip on me and Pony, and we all headed down the corridor.

……………………………….

We had been driving for about fifteen minutes in relative quiet. Pony had jumped into the front with Darry and Soda and I got in the back so we would be able to stretch out a little more. Both of us were still pretty achy and I was wishing I had asked Darry for another one of those muscle relaxants before we had left to get Soda. Sitting in the car was particularly uncomfortable, and I was squirming nonstop, trying to find a comfortable position. Soda was sitting sideways watching me with his back against the door.

Finally, Darry broke the silence.

"So… Soda… and Scout… I…uh… I have to ask you something." He was staring straight ahead, eyes still on the road.

Soda and I looked across at each other questioningly. Darry wasn't usually one to beat around the bush with us. Soda didn't look any more comfortable with it than I felt.

"Okay…" I ventured.

"Well, I know… I mean, you, especially, Scout… I know how you feel about court…"

"We're in trouble again, aren't we?" I interrupted. "God, I knew it, as soon as I saw that cop. So, what? What did we do now? What are they blaming on you _now_, Darry? They think it's your fault somebody crashed their car into Soda's?"

"No, Scout, you've got it all wrong. Just listen, okay?"

I stopped talking, but the anger inside me was already starting to boil over. I had absolutely no faith in the system, and was nothing but livid at the thought of having to justify my family situation to them once again.

"Okay," I said, but only because it was Darry asking.

"Nobody is blaming anybody, for anything. None of us, anyway."

Soda and I were both silent at first. Finally, Soda spoke up.

"Then why would we have to go to court? We didn't do anything wrong."

"I know, Soda," Darry said, still staring straight ahead as he drove. "You wouldn't be defending yourself. You and Scout would be the ones suing…you against the state."

"What?" I was totally confused.

"Scout, you told me the light was green, right?"

"Yeah. It was." I had seen it, clear as day. "I was looking right at it. It was green. I swear."

"Well, the guy in the car that hit you swears he had a green light, too."

My heart sank.

"What, so I have to prove that I wasn't lying? I'm _not_ lying, Darry. God, why don't people ever listen to me?" I was trying not to yell.

Darry slowed down and pulled over to the side of the road, finally coming to a stop. I read this as an indication that he might need to be available to provide comfort for someone who was likely to need it; namely, me. I still didn't get what he was talking about; the thought of court being anything but an attack on our family was completely foreign to me.

"God, Darry… what, so they're gonna try to take me? Again? Because they think I'm lying?" I wasn't yelling yet, but Soda slid over on the seat and reached out and pulled me toward him with his good arm. Darry was leaning over the gap in the front seat now, facing us.

"No, Scout," he said, authoritatively. "_No._ Look at me! I knew you wouldn't like this…but listen to me, okay?"

I hesitantly looked at him. I knew if I got sent off to Social Services it would be no fault of his, but, God, at that moment, I was angry. We hadn't done anything- not this time or any other time, either. I needed my family more than Social Services could ever possibly understand, especially after what had happened to me… about which, of course, they knew nothing.

"We're okay, Scout. Our family, we're fine. Nobody is coming after us. We are going to be together. That isn't an issue here, okay? So relax about that. We're all staying together."

I allowed myself to be hugged by Soda, but needed more of an explanation in order to completely calm down.

"Then, why…"

"The light, Scout," Darry interrupted. The cops think you were right. It was green. And so was the light that the guy who hit you saw. It was the signal… it wasn't working right. Nobody is blaming you or Soda or me for anything. The cop told me that yours was the third accident in three weeks, in exactly the same place, and just about at the same time. They think the signal is broken, and the state didn't fix it, when they should have. There never should have even been a second accident, much less yours- the third one."

I was shocked.

"_What?_ So they actually believe me?" I was accustomed to being the little kid whose testimony always seemed to mean little.

"Not just you, baby." Darry was fully turned around now, as was Pony, staring at Soda and me in the backseat. "The other driver says he had a green light, too. This is the only accident where they have had witnesses from both directions."

"But… why does it have to be me? The courts never listen to me anyway. Either that or they don't even let me say anything."

"You're alive, Scout. The people in both of the other accidents died. You and Soda, and Sandy and Two-Bit… you're the lucky ones. You're still alive to tell what happened."

I thought about Sandy, who had been going to have a baby, and now wasn't. I wondered if she felt lucky. I sure didn't, at first, until I really thought about what Darry had just said. I could have died. Soda and I _both_ could have died. If we had been the ones crossing that intersection a week earlier, Darry might not have been putting me in bed the night after and telling me how glad he was that Soda and I were okay and that he loved me… Instead, he might have been, along with Ponyboy, planning the funerals for another two members of the Curtis family.

"It was their fault, baby. None of _us_ is in trouble, they are. We'd be the ones suing them. There should have never been an accident – everyone was following the traffic signals. There was something wrong with that light… and the state didn't fix it. None of the drivers did anything wrong… the state did, by not being responsible and following up after the first accident."

"I still don't get it, Darry. So now they know it's broken and they have to fix it… what's the point of going to court? So somebody goes to jail?" I really wasn't sure why I would have to go to court over this. What would it matter? I already knew that, regardless of what any court decides, it doesn't bring back dead people. Besides that, I really didn't want to go back to court, for anything. I hated that feeling, that started a full week before – that feeling of not knowing what they were going to ask me, of worrying that I would say the wrong thing, or that everything could change because I screwed up.

"It's about money, Scout." Pony, who had been listening intently, suddenly joined the conversation. "Right, Darry? If we sue them and we win, we'd get money."

"Yes... and so would the families of the people who died. And it would hopefully make the state be a little more responsible about fixing stuff that's broken."

I didn't say anything. God, how I hated court.

"Why would I have to do it? Couldn't just Soda tell them? He saw the green light too."

"He lost consciousness, Scout. They can say that he might not remember clearly. You didn't. You're the more believable witness."

_That_ was certainly different, me being the most believable.

"Look, Scout, I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do. I know I promised you we were done with court, after last time. But, if we sue them and win, the money could really help us out."

"What if we don't win? Do we have to pay them?"

"No. Nothing bad happens to us."

I wasn't so sure about that, since it seemed like something bad was _always_ happening to us. I stared at the back of the front seat.

"Scout?" I looked back up at Darry.

"Yeah?"

"Just think about it, okay?

"Okay."

Darry turned back around, started the car, and headed us back toward home. Soda lay back on the seat, his head in my lap, resting his cast across his chest. I just stared out the window, thinking.

There was nothing but silence the rest of the way home.


	3. The Realization

By the time we got home, it was dinner time. Soda and Pony headed off into their bedroom and, it being my turn to cook, I headed into the kitchen, trying to think of the easiest thing that I knew how to make. I climbed up on the counter and was investigating the possibilities when Darry came in.

"Scout, you need to stop climbing on the counters. You're not a little kid anymore. I have better things to do than rebuild the kitchen cabinets. Use a chair."

"Sorry," I said, instinctively, then ignored him and kept looking.

"You have exams tomorrow. I'll cook, okay? You go study."

I turned around to face him, incredulous. Cooking was not something Darry usually offered to do if he didn't have to, especially if it was my night. I was actually becoming somewhat of a decent cook.

"Don't look at me like that. I mean it, go study. I'll cook."

"You sure?" I jumped off the counter, approaching the table.

"I'm sure. Scoot." He smacked me on the butt with a magazine as I turned to leave.

I sat in my room and tried to study, but my mind was swimming with far too many thoughts to be able to actually focus on anything. I wasn't that worried about passing my exams – anything I had heard in class or read, I knew I would remember. It was only the few weeks after the Steve incident that I had been slacking off, and usually the final exams focused on material from the beginning half of the year. After only about half an hour, I gave up, closing my books and lying back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

Two more days of exams… then summer. I had always loved that feeling of the pressure of school lifting – that sensation of freedom as the last bell rang. Two months of nothing to do but sleep in, hang around with friends, and relax. I had been so looking forward to it.

But suddenly it just didn't seem all that appealing any more. Court. God, I couldn't believe Darry wanted me to go to court again. I really, truly, had thought that, unless one of us really screwed up again, we were done with all that. Yet here it was, looming over me again. He had said that he wouldn't make me go if I didn't want to… but I knew as soon as Pony said that it was about money that he wanted me to do it… that they all did. It made me feel sick to think about it… and honestly, I had to admit that my past court experiences probably hadn't even been that bad. I hadn't had to testify like the Socs did in Pony's trial… but this time I would, for sure. I started to feel like I was going to throw up and was glad to hear a tap on my window and look up to see Ben looking in.

I pulled up the window and climbed out, knowing I shouldn't, but knowing Darry would be less upset about me going out to talk to him than him coming into my bedroom to be with me.

"I missed you," I said. The second I hit the ground, he pushed me back against the house and kissed me.

"I heard about your accident. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just cut my head." I took his hand and led him around to the front of the house so we could sit on the steps. We sat down, and I had so much to say to him that I didn't even know where to start. I hadn't realized how much I had missed him until just then, and at that moment I was so glad to see him I almost wanted to cry.

He must have read my mind because he turned toward me and let me rest my head on his shoulder.

"You sure you're okay?" he whispered, gently rubbing my head where I had gotten the stitches. I let him rub my head gently for a while, then sat back up.

"I saw Two-Bit cry today."

He looked puzzled, and I was just as confused about why I had said that as he looked. I had thought it was just the whole court thing that was bothering me, but I was slowly starting to process all the thoughts swirling around in my brain, and realizing it was more than just that upsetting me.

"Remember the last day of school last year?" I asked Ben, and he smiled back at me.

"That was a great day," he said. We had gone straight from school to the lake for a swim with a few other kids, then come back to the house and played football with our brothers and their friends until it got dark. Ben and Kevin's mom had been working so they had stayed for dinner at our house – my dad had cooked burgers and hot dogs out on the grill. I still remembered that carefree feeling I had fallen asleep with that night. A whole summer ahead, with no worries, no cares.

That feeling, I was pretty sure, was gone forever. I struggled to put it into words, all that I was thinking.

"What, Scout? Tell me. What's the matter?" He took my hand in his and nuzzled against me, kissing me on the cheek. I felt warmth rising in my face.

"Everything used to seem so sure, that's all. I mean, just last year, I never felt worried, or scared… now everything that seemed so sure then… it's not. Nothing is safe, Ben."

"A lot sure has changed. You're right about that." He squeezed my hand and let go, slipping his hand around my waist and pulling me in.

"I just…" I had to stop and take a deep breath; I didn't want to cry. God, I was so sick of life being so dramatic.

"Just say it, Scout. I know you're upset."

"Just… everybody I thought was strong… I don't know who to count on, anymore, to be strong. I mean, last year… _just a year ago_, Ben, I had my parents… and my brothers, plus all their friends… they were like my heroes. I never thought anything could ever get past all of them to me. I just felt… protected, I guess.

"Scout, your brothers and the rest of us will still protect you, no matter what. What happened to you… none of us are gonna let anyone hurt you again."

"I know. I'm not even talking about that, really. Just… God… My mom and dad, and Dally and Johnny are gone… I don't know… I guess that's why seeing Two-Bit cry was weird. A year ago, I had never seen any of the guys cry. Now I just feel like… we're all so… fragile, or something. I'm scared, because it just seems like the tiniest thing could break us now."

"Scout, everybody cries. It's not a weakness."

"I know, and I'm glad they cried. Well, I mean, I'm not glad they cried, but I'm glad they felt like they could cry around me. Just, nothing seems really solid anymore. Like… anything could change, at any time."

"I guess I'd be lying if I said it couldn't," Ben responded. "But you know Darry's working real hard to keep things the way they are."

"I know."

"Scout?" Ben put his hand on my chin and turned me toward him.

"What?" I couldn't help but smile, the way he was looking at me.

"Last year, at this time, did you have this?" He leaned in and kissed me, softly at first, then pulling me in closer, being careful not to press against my stitches. Eventually I pulled back and looked at him.

"No," I smiled. Somehow Ben usually managed to give me some perspective.

"Scout, I thought you were studying." Pony came out on the porch and lit up a cigarette. "Ben, you better get lost 'fore Darry sees you. He's dead set on us studying."

"You're not studying either," I pointed out.

Ben gave me a peck on the cheek and took off. He had just barely rounded the corner when Darry appeared in the door.

"Pony… dinner." He spotted me on the stairs. "Scout, what are you doing out here?"

"She was just taking a break, Dar," Pony said. "She's only been out here a minute." I kinda liked this new thing of Pony backing me up rather than ratting me out.

After dinner Darry sent Pony and me back into our rooms to study. I still couldn't focus. I wanted to talk to Ben again – I hadn't even gotten to tell him about court, or Sandy… but I knew his mom would have him stuck in his room studying, too. We used to study together, when we were still in the same grade. I felt a longing, one that I hadn't allowed myself to really feel since my parents' funerals, for things to go back to the way they had been before they died. I went over to my dresser and took out the necklace from Dad and my Mom's ring, putting both on. I hated it, that this was all I had left of them.

I knew I wouldn't be able to study anymore, so I wandered out into the kitchen under the guise of needing a glass of water. I knew Darry would order me back into my bedroom. Surprisingly, he wasn't in the living room or the kitchen. I figured he and Soda must be outside on the porch and was about to turn on the faucet when I heard them talking in Darry's room. There was no reason the two of them would be having a conversation in there unless it was something they didn't want Pony and me to hear. I silently pulled a chair out from the table and listened.

"I know it's not your fault, Soda… I'm just saying, if you can't work for a month, we're gonna have to cuts some corners around here."

It had not occurred to me until that moment that Soda couldn't work with his arm in a cast. I started to feel sick again, knowing that we counted on Soda's income to get by.

"Maybe I can do something else for the month, work somewhere else…"

"Nobody's gonna hire you with a broken arm. Look, we'll make it work, somehow. I'm just telling you, there isn't gonna be any extra cash around here for the foreseeable future."

Suddenly court didn't seem optional anymore. We needed the money we could get if we won. All at once I realized that what I had tried to articulate earlier to Ben … the realization that things change and nothing is ever completely safe… understanding these things was just the beginning of me turning the corner from a kid to an adult. Suddenly all my superheroes had been reduced to mere mortals, and I was living among them. My life now included worrying about money, and bills, and keeping my family safe.

I knew right then that, no matter how much I hated it, I was going to court. Finally, I had a chance to do something that mattered for our family - to actually contribute something. I knocked on Darry's door.

"What?"

"Can I come in?" I asked. The door opened to reveal Darry sitting on his bed, Soda at the door.

"You were listening, weren't you?" Darry read it on my face.

I nodded.

"It's nothing you have to worry about. We'll be fine."

"Why do you keep doing that, Darry, trying to hide stuff?" I was a little bit upset. "This is a family problem, and Pony and I are part of this family. We deserve to know what's going on."

There really was no good answer for that, so Darry didn't offer one. There was a bit of an uncomfortable silence.

"I want to go to court. I want to try to get the money from the state."

"Scout, I don't want you being miserable just to try to get money we might not even get."

"I want to do it. I never get to help out. Let me help out."

"Right now, you have exams to deal with. After that, we'll talk about it, okay? I don't have to let the lawyers know until Friday."

"I want to do it, Darry."

"We'll see." He stood up and ushered me out the door. "You need to go to bed. How many exams do you have tomorrow?"

"Three. Four if she lets me make up the English."

"Well, just do your best."

"Darry…" I just shook my head at him. He knew I always did my best. But then again he had seen that fifty that I got on that math quiz.

"Go to bed, Scout. Don't think about money _or_ court, okay?"

"What's going on in here?" Ponyboy wandered in, grabbing a banana and peeling it.

"Darry just wanted to talk to you," I said. "about money."

Darry gave me a look and shook his head right back at me.

"Good Night, Scout."

"'Night everybody," I said. "Hey, Darry?"

"What?" he was exasperated with me by this point.

"I think you can sleep in your own room tonight." I guessed if I was on the path to adulthood, I should start acting more like one.

"You sure?"

"I think… yeah." I had three brothers in the house… there was no reason to be as scared as I was. It was time to start trusting them like they wanted me to.

"Okay. Sleep tight."

"I will." I went in and got ready for bed, finally crawling between the sheets and burying my head in my pillow. I fell asleep listening to the familiar voices of my brothers – all three of them, home again.


	4. The Exams

I was awakened the next morning by Darry, who seemed to have abandoned his normal morning slow torture in favor of a more adult approach, which consisted of actually knocking on the door before entering and calling my name before he was even within reach of attacking me.

"Scout, c'mon. You have to get up. Two more days, then you can sleep later."

"I know." I rolled over and stared at him. He knew I was going to go back to sleep as soon as he left. I always did.

"Get up."

"I'm up, Darry."

"Not just awake. _Up_."

I sighed, threw back the covers, and sat up.

"Now that's what I like to see," he said. "Hurry up, breakfast is ready."

I gave him the evil eye and he turned and left, laughing.

"Yeah, funny," I grumbled at him. My whole body was sore again. I wondered how long after the accident that would last. I threw on some clothes, waited my turn for the bathroom, and sat down at the kitchen table. Darry shoveled eggs onto my plate.

"Brain food," he said. I didn't answer. I was definitely turning into NOT a morning person.

"Hey, how about saving some of that brain food for the other person taking exams today," Pony complained as he came in, immediately taking his seat and stealing a forkful of eggs off my plate.

"Stop it," I said, pulling my plate away. "Get your own."

"Knock it off, Pony, she's cranky," Darry said, handing Soda a bunch of pills, which he eagerly took and swallowed with a giant swig of milk. I looked up, wondering where my pill was. Darry knew what I wanted.

"How bad is it, really, Scout? I don't want to give it to you unless you really need it. I don't want you getting all groggy when you have exams. Can you wait til after?"

I guess," I said, not really having the energy to fight with him about it. He was probably right - the pill had made me sleepy each time I'd had one.

"I'll leave it with Soda, okay, you can take it when you get home? But don't take it if you don't need it." Darry was always uptight about us taking medicine.

"Darry, I'm not gonna turn into a drug addict from taking three pills. Actually, I'm not gonna turn into one no matter what." Seeing what Steve had done on drugs had pretty much killed any curiosity I'd ever had about that.

"I sure hope not, because _I'd_ kill you if the drugs didn't first," he said, putting the pill bottles in his pocket. The rest of us didn't even know where he kept any prescription drugs – all that was ever in the bathroom medicine cabinet was Darry and Soda's shaving stuff, toothpaste, and band-aids. He didn't even trust us with aspirin, though I know Soda and Pony had some in their room.

"Pony, you only have two exams today?"

"Yeah."

"Well you're gonna have to wait around 'til Scout's done, then. I'm not makin' two trips to get you." I realized that, with Darry at work, Two-Bit in the hospital, and Steve out of the picture, there was nobody available to come get us at school.

"Can't I go with Kevin and Ben instead?" I really wanted to talk to Ben about everything that had happened while I had been gone. It had only been three days but it had felt like a month.

Darry thought about it and eventually gave in.

"Okay... but you and Ben are not allowed in the house alone unless Soda is here, okay? And not in your bedroom."

"Okay, okay. I know. I get it." I did think it was a little ironic that Soda was supposed to play policeman when we all knew what he and Sandy had been doing when nobody was around. And there was _no way_ Ben and I were gonna be doing that anytime soon.

"Yeah, Darry, don't worry about coming to get me either. I can get a ride from somebody. Don't leave work just for me." Ponyboy wanted some time to himself, I was pretty sure about that. I wasn't too worried about it, as long as he got home before Darry did he knew neither Soda nor I would rat him out.

Darry thought about Pony's request.

"Alright... I guess. Just - you call home and tell Soda if you're stuck, and I'll call here after lunch and check in, and come get you if you need it, okay?"

"Okay," Pony agreed. Darry glanced down at his watch.

"We have to get going. Soda, you all set for the day? I'll leave the pills on the breadbox. Not 'til twelve-thirty, okay?"

"Got it, boss," Soda said, hobbling from his chair to the couch. Darry followed him, and I heard them talking quietly. I knew he was worried about Soda but didn't want either me or Pony to know. I guessed that I was really going to have to work on him to get him to accept that Pony and I could handle a lot more reality than he generally gave us credit for.

"Let's go, you two," Darry yelled, and Pony and I followed him out the door to the truck. We pulled up at the school and Darry looked across at us.

"I know you will, but I'm gonna say it anyway, because it's my job… Do your best."

"We will," Pony and I responded in unison, sounding completely unenthusiastic.

"Alright. Call Soda if you don't get a ride, okay? Otherwise I'll see you at home. Good luck."

"_Bye_, Darry," Pony said, a little too enthusiastically this time. Darry laughed and drove off.

"So, what are you _really_ gonna do after school today?" I asked. "You better get home before he does."

"Scout, I ain't dumb. I got some stuff to do, okay?"

"Okay. I'm just trying to keep you out of trouble. Jeez."

"Yeah, well I don't need you babysittin' me. I can take care of myself."

"Fine. See you later then."

"Bye. Don't get into any trouble with Ben," he added, just to be a pain.

"Shut up, Pony," I said, turning and walking away. We were getting along a lot better, but sometimes I still wanted to punch him.

Exams were just as I expected, and I wasn't worried at all about doing badly. In fact, I thought they were all pretty easy. I had managed to track down Ben between my first two tests and he agreed to have Kevin wait until I was done and drive me home. I had just finished my last one for the day and was heading out to the parking lot when I heard my name being called.

"Scout! Hey, Scout!"

I turned around and was surprised to see my coach trotting over toward me.

"Hey, Coach K," I said. "What's going on?" I was surprised to see him looking for me. Basketball season and open gym had both long since ended, and I wasn't one of his students… heck, I wasn't even in high school yet.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm fine. I just needed some stitches." I assumed he had heard about the car accident.

"Stitches? Why? What happened?" I guess he hadn't heard, then.

"Oh, my brother and I were in a car accident. But we're okay."

"Really? Darry?"

"No, my other brother, Soda. He broke his arm."

"Oh… well I'm sorry to hear that. But I'm glad I caught you. I wanted to ask you something."

"Well, okay. Ask away."

"Are you going to be around this summer? I mean, are you going anywhere in June or July?"

"I don't think so…" I had a feeling Uncle Pat might try to get us to come down to Texas for a week like we usually did, but Darry probably wouldn't agree. "Why?"

"Well, I wanted to ask you something. I know you'll have to ask your brother, and I want you to feel free to say no, but…"

"What?" I couldn't imagine what he was talking about.

"Well, I'm teaching summer school, and my wife works at the library during the mornings, so we were looking for someone to babysit for Laura. Just mornings… from eight to noon. I could pick you up, if that's a problem, and bring you home. We'd pay you seventy five cents an hour."

"I… uh… I don't know what to say. I mean… I'm not really experienced with little kids." I _was_ the baby, for Pete's sake.

"Oh, she's easy. She walks now, and talks. You _would_ have to change diapers though."

"Well, I mean… I'm real flattered that you would ask me, but I've never..."

"Listen, just think about it, okay? Talk to your brother and see what he says, and I'll give you a call tomorrow night, and you can let me know. If you say yes, I'll have you come over on Sunday and we'll show you the routine."

"Okay..." My mind was already processing the fact that this could help make up part of what we were missing with Soda not working.

"Great," he said. "I'll call you tomorrow night, then. I think you would do a great job, Scout. You may be one of the youngest kids on the team, but I think you are one of the most responsible, too. I really would trust you with Laura."

I had no idea what to say. I had just been handed a huge compliment, by someone I really respected, almost as much as I had respected my Dad.

"Okay... Thanks, Coach, I mean… for asking me." My head was still reeling. I just stood there for a second, watching him jog back into the school, until I finally turned and headed again toward the parking lot.

…………………………

As it turned out, I was done before either Kevin or Ben, and I was sitting on the hood of the car waiting when Kevin appeared.

"You're quick," he said. "Guess that explains why you got put up a year, huh?" He threw his books in the back seat and came back to sit on the hood with me.

"I guess," I shrugged. "How were your exams?"

"Fair, I guess. I don't think I failed anything, at least."

"That's good." I wasn't sure what to say. I was around Kevin a whole lot, but it wasn't really ever just the two of us.

"Scout... I never really got to say..." He started, and I knew what was coming.

"I'm really sorry… about what happened to you. The whole thing made me sick."

"Thanks." I had started to be less bothered by the whole "I'm sorry" thing than I had been at first. I understood that nobody knew what else to say.

"I never thought, I mean, _Steve_? I knew he was having problems, the drugs and all, but…"

"I know. Nobody thought. I hardly even believed it myself."

"Well, it makes me sick to think about it. I wish… I mean, I just hope you're okay. You didn't deserve that."

"Nobody deserves that, Kevin." I stared at my shoes. I was gonna need new ones soon and I was dreading asking Darry.

"You're right," he said. We sat in silence for a while and I was relieved when I looked back up to see Ben coming toward us.

"Hey," he smiled, and took my hand, pulling me down off the hood. Kevin hopped down and got into the driver's seat. Ben complained about his exams the whole way home and I tried to sympathize. Ben was by no means stupid, but he had to study a lot harder to remember things than I ever did. On top of that, he was a terrible speller. He actually was really smart, he just didn't tend to do very well on tests.

We pulled into Ben's driveway, and he went into the house to drop off his books while I headed over to our house to check on Soda. He was asleep on the couch but woke up as soon as I touched him.

"Hey, sleepy," I said. "How you feeling?"

"Oh, God… what time is it?"

I glanced in at the kitchen clock.

"Twelve-fifteen."

"Ugh… can you go get those pills Darry left for me?"

"He said twelve-thirty. I don't want to turn you into a drug addict, Soda," I kidded.

"Seriously, Scout… I'm dying here. I swear to God, we never let the hospital be late for one single pain pill when you were there, or you would completely get this."

I felt pretty bad. He was clearly hurting.

"Sorry, Soda... I was just kidding. Do you want anything else? Are you hungry?"

"No… just the pills. And some water."

I went into the kitchen and met Ben just as he was coming in the back door.

"Soda okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, his arm just hurts. I just have to give him these pills, then we can go outside." It was a beautiful day, and I knew as soon as Darry came home he'd make me stay in and study, so I was planning to spend the entire time until he got home outside.

I brought in the pills and water, and Soda was sitting up waiting for me.

"I swear to God, Scout, if I felt pain like this all the time I'd definitely become an addict."

That comment, interestingly, only served to make me wonder what kind of pain Steve might have been trying to fight with his drug use. I wondered if I'd ever know.

"It will get better, Soda. I guess I didn't get out of the hospital until my wrist felt better."

"Lucky you," he groaned.

"Yeah, I guess. Ben and I are gonna go outside… Yell if you need me, okay?"

"I'm just gonna sleep," he said. "That way, if it hurts, at least I don't have to think about it."

"Okay, well… sweet dreams, then."

"You two stay out of trouble," he called as Ben and I headed out the front door.

"We will."

Ben wanted to toss around the football, but I made him sit with me on the steps and listen as I told him everything that had happened on our trip – driving through the deep south of Alabama and Mississippi, Soda wanting me to tell him about how Steve had attacked me, how Sandy's Nana had been so angry, and finally about her losing the baby and Darry wanting me to go to court again. I considered telling him about that other thing – that huge rite of passage that had happened to me in the middle of nowhere in Alabama, and how much it made me miss my mom again – but, for the moment, I decided to keep that to myself.

"Wow," he said, when I finally finished. "That was certainly an interesting trip."

"Definitely," I said.

"So… anything else?" he asked.

"I don't think so."

"Okay, so… now can we play catch?"

I laughed. "Yeah."

We had been tossing the ball around for half an hour or so when Darry's truck came rattling into the driveway. He looked surprisingly chipper as he came around into the yard. He dropped his tool belt and ran over, snagging the ball in midair just as I was throwing it.

"Gotta keep your eye on the defense, Scout," he scolded, tossing the ball at Ben.

"Sorry… I thought you were on my team," I responded, which got him to smile.

"How were your exams?"

"Okay."

"Okay good, or okay bad?"

"Good, I guess."

"Well, I hope there was no guessing involved."

"Darry, it was fine. I'm sure I did fine."

"I know. I'm just giving you a hard time… it's my job." He messed up my hair. "Twenty more minutes out here, then you're coming in to study," he said, as he grabbed his belt and headed inside.

I didn't even try to argue. I knew I would never win.

Ben and I had only tossed the ball a few more times before Darry was back on the porch.

"Scout, where's Ponyboy?"

"I don't know." I tried to act nonchalant, still tossing the ball at Ben.

"Who'd he get a ride with?"

"I don't know, Darry. I didn't ask. He was being a pain."

"Scout, he woulda finished his tests before you. So why isn't he here?"

"I don't know, Darry. Seriously. He doesn't tell me everything he does." I walked over and took the ball from Ben, who had stopped tossing and was holding it while Darry and I were talking. I was cursing Pony for not being back yet, especially since he knew that lately Darry had been getting home early from the job he was working.

Darry started to say something else about how Pony would be in for it when he got home, but my attention had been hijacked by a car that I saw turning the corner – a car I recognized as the one belonging to the guys who had scared me at the house, the ones we'd seen at Jays, and the ones who had beaten up Two-Bit.

"Ben, go get Kevin," I whispered, as they pulled to a stop in front of the house.

"_What? Why?_"

"Just go get him, Ben. These guys are trouble." I motioned to the car just as they were getting out. Ben turned and took off around the corner of the house.

Darry had noticed them, too, but he had no reason to know who they were. He looked on with interest as they came up to the gate. I glanced at him and he must have read my apprehension.

"Scout, get in the house," he said, in a tone I couldn't remember ever having heard before.

Four guys came through the gate, each at least as tall as Darry and at least two of them matching him in bulk. Darry stood alone on the porch; I stood between him and the strangers.

"_Inside, Scout. Now_." he was almost yelling.

Not sure what I had in mind, and knowing I was certain to pay for it later, I stood my ground, staring the strangers right in the eyes, and said just one word, in the loudest voice I could muster.

"No."

I heard Darry curse behind me.

...........................

**A/N: I am not sure who is still reading this! If you followed me here from Complexity, can you drop me a quick review or PM and tell me what you think? I'd appreciate it! Thanks, samaryley**


	5. The Fight

The minute I said it, I knew it had been stupid. What did I think I was going to do, really? A five-foot tall kid against four six-foot plus tough hoods? I just didn't have it in me, though, to leave Darry to deal with them all on his own. I was just looking to buy some time, until Ben came back with Kevin, or Pony came home… until somebody... _anybody_ showed up.

Strangely, the guys had stopped and somewhat respected the barrier I had made between them and Darry.

"Scout, do you know these guys?" Darry still had no idea who they were.

"They're the guys that scared me that time… they beat up Two-Bit." I was afraid to turn around to face Darry, not wanting to take my eyes off them. I was staring at the tallest guy, the one who had talked to me the last time.

"Yeah, well we're sorry we scared you, kid. But listen to your brother, get outta here. You aint gotta see none of this."

"No," I couldn't believe I said it again. I just couldn't – I _wouldn't_ leave Darry. He was strong, but the odds just weren't fair. There was no way he could have taken all four of them on his own. I was banking on the fact that having a girl there might tame their tempers. I remembered wondering if maybe I had made my presense known at the park, that night with Bob, things might never have escalated as they did.

Darry came down the stairs and stood next to me, gripping my shoulder.

"_You get inside_," he hissed at me, "_Now_."

"Kid, we ain't askin', we're tellin'. We got business with your brother. Get lost." The tallest one was the spokesperson, I guessed.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement at the corner of the house.

"Four against one? You call that fair?" I asked the strangers. I had no idea where I was getting this courage. I heard the door open behind me and turned slightly to see Soda, looking haggard, standing on the porch.

"Darry… What's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing. Get in the house, Soda." There was no way Soda could handle a fight in his state. But he didn't move; he just stood, looking on. By this time Ben and Kevin had arrived and stood on the opposite side of me as Darry.

"Scout, get out of here, _now_," Kevin said.

"_Now, Scout. Go!_" Darry was yelling, and I heard Soda calling me from the porch. I had just turned to go up the stairs when I heard the tall one talk to Darry.

"This is payback for those jobs that should have been ours."

I heard the contact of fist against skin just as I saw another car pull up. I felt my heart sink as I thought that the bad guys had reinforcements, but I was surprised to see Ponyboy - along with Tim Shepard and his brother Curly - jumping out of the car, leaping the fence, and running to join in the brawl, in which both Ben and Kevin had already become fully entangled. Soda grabbed me with his good hand and held me, tightly, apparently afraid that I was about to join in.

What at first had seemed hopeless from our side suddenly seemed easy. With the arrival of Tim, he and Darry easily took one man each, and, in teams, Kevin and Ben and Pony and Curly each took care of one of the others. I had never really seen a fight like that before, and was horrified. I had never realized how much noise a punch or a kick could make, and I hated hearing the cries of pain as the people I cared about got hit.

Soda tried to bury my head in his chest, to shield me from the sights and sounds, but there was no way he was going to go inside. Soda loved fights.

After ten minutes or so of valiant effort on the part of the strangers, they had had enough and were scrambling over the front fence. Our side remained, rubbing bruises and breathing heavily, but still fully intact.

"You got lucky this time, Curtis," the tall one yelled as he hopped the fence.

"Oh, we'll be in touch!" Tim yelled as they drove away.

Soda let go of me and was giddy, yelling and running down the steps to slap the guys on the backs and butts with his good hand.

Darry didn't look much worse for the wear, and neither did Kevin or Tim, but Ben, Pony, and Curly had more than a few cuts and bruises to show for their efforts.

I just watched as they all congratulated each other, not even able to talk. I felt a very familiar feeling rising up in my stomach and taking residence in my heart and brain: fear. Now that it was over, fear replaced my adrenaline-driven courage.

Finally, Darry turned and saw me looking on. I probably looked terrified; I couldn't believe that harm had once again come looking for the people I loved, the only ones I had left. Until then, it had seemed as though Darry had totally forgotten that I was there, and that I had seen everything.

"Scout…" he began.

I wasn't going to lose it, not in front of Tim and Kevin, or Ben and Curly, even. I turned and disappeared into the house. I headed straight to my room and slammed the door shut behind me. I went to the bed against the wall and tore the covers back, jumping in and burying myself under them, curling up in a ball against the wall. Only then did I allow the tears to come.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I whispered, a quiet prayer of gratitude for the fact that nobody I loved was hurt. "Please, make it stop. Please, God, please. I need them. Please, just keep them safe." I fought to stop crying. I knew somebody would come after me soon. I was sick of being the big crybaby.

I wasn't mistaken. Not a minute later my door opened and I heard Darry's unmistakable footsteps coming toward my bed.

"Scout, everybody's okay," he said, setting his hand on the lump in my covers that was me, and trying to decipher where my head might be.

"Pony? And Ben? They're really okay?" He followed the sound of my voice and his hand finally settled on my head. He sat down and pulled back the covers.

"Yes. Everybody's okay," he said. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

I didn't respond. I was sorry I had to see it, too.

"Listen, Scout, the next time I tell you to get inside, you'd better do it. If those guys had even touched you, I'd have _lost_ it. I probably would have ended up in jail, or something."

"I was just trying to make them wait… until somebody else came."

"Well, luckily that worked out, but seriously, Scout, if I tell you to go, you _go_, without an argument. I mean it."

"I didn't want to leave you. Four against one… that's not fair."

"Well if you want to look at it that way, six against four isn't exactly fair either. Sometimes that's just what happens."

"You would have gotten hurt if Tim didn't show up."

"Maybe. But that's not how it worked out."

"What if they come back?"

"They might. But you can't waste all your energy worrying about 'what if's. There's only four of them, period, and Shepards got a whole army. Now they've tried to get at me twice, and they've lost, twice. Eventually they'll get the picture that the payback just isn't worth it, and give up."

"How do you know there's only four of them?"

"I don't, for sure, but you'd think if there were more they woulda brought along some friends."

Involuntarily, my hand went to my forehead and I started to knead at it, closing my eyes. I realized after a second that that is exactly what Darry does when he is upset, and exactly what our dad had done, too. Darry saw it, too, and reached out, pulling my hand back.

"They won't hurt you, Scout. I don't think you need to worry about that. That's not why I told you to get inside. I just didn't want you to have to watch a fight."

"I know that… I was more worried about them hurting you." I realized that most guys wouldn't bother hurting a twelve year-old kid – much less, a girl – but even Darry couldn't take on four big guys, alone. It had been my concern for him that had made me stand my ground.

"I can take care of myself pretty well, most of the time," he said. I just stared back at him. He knew as well as I did that he would have come up on the losing side had not Ben retrieved Kevin and Tim arrived.

"Okay, maybe not against _four_," he relented. "Three, maybe," he joked, "but not four."

"Darry, there's nothing funny about this for me." I was kind of angry to hear him joking about it. "If those guys had really messed you up today, I wouldn't be allowed to stay here. You said it yourself, before – the state wouldn't let Soda be in charge. There's nothing _funny_ about that thought, to me; actually, it scares me to death. I don't want to get put in a foster home while you're in the hospital."

He got serious again.

"You're right. I'm sorry. But Scout, these guys are idiots. They're mad because I do work better than they do and my quotes are lower, so I get hired. That's just life. I can't really control the way they choose to deal with it."

"I know," I said. It was just one of those things, like our parents dying, or me getting attacked, or Sandy losing her baby… it sucked but you had no choice to just deal with it and keep on trying to move forward.

Darry reached over and rubbed my back.

"C'mon, come out and say hi to your favorite weapons provider before he leaves." I looked up at him, not sure whether he had actually told Tim that he knew about him giving me the knife. I guessed it didn't really matter; if there were any bad feelings about it, I doubted they'd still be rushing to each other's aid in fights. So I assumed all was well with Tim and Darry.

………………………………

Tim was sitting out on the porch with Kevin, both drinking beers, while Soda lay on the couch, rehashing the fight punch-by-punch. Pony and Curly sat on the stairs, smoking. Ben sat perched precariously on the porch railing.

"Hey kid," Tim said, as I came out. He handed Darry a beer, which he accepted.

"Hi Tim," I said, going over to sit on the edge of the couch where Soda lay.

"So I hear you were gonna take on those guys, huh?" Tim was picking on me, but I didn't care. Once again, his most recent timely appearance just served to further cement his superhero image in my mind.

"That's right. I'm actually a lot stronger than I look."

"Yeah, I know," Tim laughed. He knew exactly how weak I really was from my knife lessons. Curly looked at him, confused, but Tim didn't clarify.

"Ben, you did pretty good out there," Darry said. "Kevin must be teaching you a thing or two, huh?"

Ben and Kevin exchanged glances.

"Maybe," Kevin offered.

Conversation continued about the fight for another half-hour or so, with Tim promising Darry that the message would be reinforced any time one of his guys saw the would-be attackers that they were not to mess with any Curtises, Darrel or otherwise. Finally, beer consumed, Darry remembered that Pony and I still had one more day of exams and ordered us both in to study.

"I'll cook, again," he said, "but don't be expectin' this all summer." He turned to the rest of the guys. "Anyone stayin' for supper?"

"Naw, we gotta go study too, our mom's gonna be home soon," Kevin said, shoving Ben down off the railing into the front yard.

"We gotta go too, Ma told Curly if the yard ain't mowed by nightfall he's gotta find a new home." Tim smacked Curly on the head.

"Okay, well, thanks, guys. I definitely owe you one," Darry said, herding Pony, Soda and me into the house.

"I'll talk to you soon, Darry… let you know if anything goes down with those guys," Tim called, as he got in his car.

"Alright, Tim, I appreciate it. Thanks again."

Tim drove off and Darry turned to me.

"Study time, little lady," he said, pointing to my bedroom.

"Me? What about Pony?"

"Pony and I have something to discuss, in the kitchen."

I looked over at Pony. I had forgotten all about the fact that he hadn't been home when Darry got home. I could only imagine how he had ended up in Tim Shepard's car, though I was glad he had.

"Now," Darry added, looking at Pony. He walked into the kitchen, and Darry followed him. It's not like we weren't all going to hear their conversation anyway - there was no door to the kitchen.

I went in my room and shut my door - well, almost shut it.

"Alright, Pony, so where did you go after school today?" Darry asked, not necessarily angrily, but not exactly pleasantly, either.

"I just had some stuff to take care of. I didn't realize how late it was. You couldn't have gotten home much before I did."

"That's not the point, Ponyboy. You were supposed to come straight home after school. You're fourteen years old, you can't just be wandering around without telling anybody where you are."

"I told Scout." I cringed. Why was he dragging me into this? He'd promised me he would be back before Darry.

"Then why did she say she didn't know where you were?"

"I don't know."

"Cut it out, Ponyboy. Were you going somewhere you shouldn't have been?"

"No, Darry, just… let it go, would you? Luckily, I ran into Tim and he gave me a ride home so we could all save your ass."

"Again, Pony, that's not the point. I want to know where you were. Lying about it is only going to get you in more trouble."

"Darry, it's not…"

"Scout, get out here," Darry interrupted him. I sighed. Pony had been covering for me lately, but I had no idea where he'd been. What was he even thinking? I was a terrible liar, most of the time. I slid off my bed and shuffled into the kitchen.

"I'm sure you heard our conversation." Darry was staring at me, knowing how hard it was to lie to his face. I never had, except about Steve, and that had been excruciatingly hard.

"Scout, do you know where Ponyboy was today?"

I hesitated, but just for a second. I stared at the wall right behind Darry, hoping it looked like I was looking up at him.

"The movies." I don't know why he would have been hiding that from us, but it was the best answer I could come up with under pressure.

"Okay, so let's say I buy that. What movie did you see, Ponyboy?"

Pony stammered for a second.

"That… uh… that Paul Newman one… Luke… Cool Hand Luke."

"Well, that's interesting, Pony, because I drove by the movie house on my way home tonight, and today's Wednesday, and you know as well as I do that they change the movies on Tuesdays. Cool Hand Luke isn't playing there anymore. And I don't think you saw The Graduate, either, because that's rated R. So where were you really, Pony? You better do your research better before you lie to me. Or to Scout, and then try to get her to cover for you."

I felt my cheeks turn red.

"Dammit, Ponyboy, where were you? I'm tired of playin' this game with you!" Darry's patience was fading fast. He looked at me, giving me another shot at coming clean. I just shrugged.

"The cemetery," Pony barely whispered. I heard him, but Darry didn't.

"What?"

"The cemetery," Pony spoke up this time. "I took the bus to the cemetery, to see Dallas and Johnny's graves."

Darry and I were both silent, and Soda must have heard, because he was suddenly in the doorway.

"Look, nobody ever even offered to take me, and I know you all thought I couldn't handle it, so I just decided to go on my own. But the bus cost more than I thought, so I had to walk home. Tim saw me walking and picked me up."

"Pony…," Darry started, "I would have… I just didn't think…"

"I know. You didn't think I was ready. Well, I was. It was just something I had to do. And if I'd said anything everybody would have started acting like my psychologist or something, so I just did it myself. It's done. And I'm okay. I didn't lose my mind, or anything."

I didn't know what to say. I had made my peace with Dally and Johnny being gone and said my goodbyes long ago. For Pony, it had taken longer – so long, in fact, that we had all forgotten that he hadn't ever been to their graves.

"I wish you would have said something, Pony," Darry said, sadly. "I would've taken you."

"I wanted to go alone. I needed to."

Soda came over and put his good arm around Pony, and Darry put his hand on my shoulder. Nobody spoke for what seemed like at least a minute.

"Actually, Darry, I lied about something else, too."

"What, Pone?" Darry didn't sound mad now.

"I had enough bus fare, but there was a guy selling flowers on the way there. I bought some to put on Mom and Dad's grave. That's why I had to walk."

Darry hesitated and then finally spoke.

"That was a good idea, Pony. A real good idea."

Darry nodded at him, and I knew that he saw just as well as the rest of us that Pony had finally had some sort of closure with the ghosts that had been haunting him for months.

And the living would go on.

.......................

**A/N: Big thanks to everyone who checked in with me to let me know you are still reading. Your reviews are always greatly appreciated.  
**


	6. The Studying

The mention of Dallas and Johnny and the knowledge that Pony had spent the afternoon at the cemetery, along with my new fears about Darry's safety made any further possibility of meaningful efforts at studying pretty much futile. I closed my door and opened a few books so if Darry surprised me I would look the part, but really I just lay on my bed thinking. I could hear Soda and Darry talking in the kitchen as Darry cooked, and strained to hear what they were saying.

"I don't even know those guys, Soda… I'm not going to stop doing good work or charging a fair price just because a few losers can't handle it."

I couldn't make out Soda's response, but I guess he was worried the guys might come after the rest of us, because Darry's response was clear.

"It's me they want, not any of the rest of you. Hell, if they wanted to hurt Scout, they've had two chances already and they didn't touch her. Don't worry about that."

"I don't like it, Dar, that's all. We can't afford to have anything happen to you. I mean, not just financially, but as a family. We need you around here. Especially Scout."

"I know, Soda." Darry must have motioned to him to keep it down because the rest of their conversation was unintelligible.

I lay there and stared at the ceiling, trying to remember what it had felt like a year ago, when I didn't feel the pain of having lost people I love, the fear and shame of having been hurt myself, and the worries about what would happen to my brothers and me in the days to come. I felt a sort of mourning for that Scout I had been a year ago - the Scout that still believed in the world as a largely good and safe place. That Scout, naïve and innocent, was gone, and likely never to return. I wished I were her.

"_Pony, Scout… Dinner!_"

Darry's voice startled me so much that I actually jumped, knocking a few books onto the floor. I sighed, picking them up and tossing them back on the bed. I stared at myself in the mirror and tried to look less unhappy than I was feeling. I couldn't explain it, I just felt heavy-hearted. All of a sudden, the events that had occurred over the past year seemed piled one on top of each other in my mind, and I felt like the pile might just get higher and higher and weigh more and more heavily on my heart. I had felt sad before, for sure, but this was something different. I remembered my literature teacher telling us some German word that some author had made up for the sadness that people feel when they think about all the evils of the world. I couldn't remember the word, but that was just how I felt. World-weary.

"Scout, c'mon." Darry was knocking on my door. "It's getting cold."

I opened the door, following Darry out into the kitchen. Soda and Pony were still all hyped up about the fight and had quite a lively banter going on. I just wasn't in the mood. I ate silently. At one point Soda caught me staring at my plate.

"Scout, you okay?"

"What?" I snapped out of my daze. "Oh, yeah, I'm okay. Just tired, I guess."

"Yeah, well you're in bed early tonight, no arguing," Darry said. "How many exams do you have tomorrow?" I couldn't wait for exams to be over just so Darry would stop bugging me about them.

"Three. I made up the English today."

"You, Pone?"

"I have three, too."

"Alright, well, I'll come pick you two both up on my lunch. You be out front, okay? I can't afford to be missin' time because you two are goofing off with friends somewhere."

I didn't answer, but Pony mumbled an "okay."

Darry ordered Pony and me both back to studying immediately after dinner, and Soda fell fast asleep on the couch, victim to another pain pill. I sort of wished he hadn't; I wanted to talk to him about what he had been talking about with Darry. Knowing Soda was worried about those guys, too, certainly didn't help me feel any better about the situation.

I knew I couldn't focus well enough to study anything, so I grabbed a piece of paper and started drawing on it. I had nowhere near the talent Ponyboy did, but there was something calming about it, tracing a line onto a blank sheet of paper and making it turn into something meaningful. When I was done, I had a halfway decent rendering of Darry's truck. I never could draw people - just things - but somehow they took on the characteristics of the people they belonged to. It was his truck in the picture but, in my mind, I had put Darry's spirit into the image. People were too dynamic for me to capture accurately, but they always rubbed off a little bit on their posessions, and that is what I drew.

After a while, things had grown quiet in the kitchen and I decided that that was as good a time as any to go talk to Darry about my coach's offer. I wandered out into the kitchen to find him sitting at the table with paper and a pen. I stood behind his chair and put my hands on his shoulders, giving what I was sure had to be a pathetically sub-par backrub compared to the ones Soda gave him.

"Mmmm. You're definitely improving," he said. "but it won't get you out of studying. Or going to bed early."

"I just need a break," I lied. I pulled out the chair next to his and sat down. "What are you doing?" His paper was covered with numbers. Math. Darry definitely got all the math genes in the family. And he actually _liked_ it.

"Trying to come up with a quote for a job out on the West side."

"Oh," I answered. I didn't really know how to talk to Darry about his job, I didn't really know much about how it all worked. I guess he knew I was thinking about more than just that though.

"What's up, Scout? You're way too quiet. I'm sorry again about the fight. But if you had did like I said and gone inside, you wouldn't have had to see that."

"I know."

"So, is that what you're upset about?"

"They know where you work, right? I mean, what if they come after you at work? Then you'd be all alone." I had planned to just talk to him about the babysitting but this had been eating away at me bit by bit.

"They won't attack me on a site. They think they can't get jobs now, they'll have even more trouble if they get themselves a reputation for that kind of crap."

I considered that, but didn't quite buy into it. I knew he didn't want me worrying, so he would have downplayed it, no matter what.

"Scout, listen. You have enough to worry about without putting me on the list. Please, don't worry about me, okay? I'm a big boy."

I grinned at that. Darry was bigger than big, for sure. But those guys had been big, too.

"Okay, so now that you got that off your chest, think you can get back in there and study?"

"I can't even think anymore, Darry. I mean it. My brain is full."

"Well, you just freed up some space in there taking your worries about me off the slate."

I didn't answer. He stared at me and I looked away, knowing he could read me like a book most of the time.

"Okay, baby, what else?" I couldn't possibly explain my world-weariness to him – I didn't even understand that myself, really, but there was one more thing nagging incessantly at my mind.

"Do you know… I mean, I've just been wondering…"

"Just say it."

"What happened to Steve?" I felt myself tense up as I said his name. I knew from Ponyboy that he hadn't been in school, but I just needed to know what was going on. I wondered if Soda and the others had hurt him so badly that he was still in the hospital. I didn't know why I needed so badly to know what was going on with him, but I did.

"He's not going to touch you again, Scout. I promise."

"I know. I just… was wondering. I mean, where is he? Pony says he hasn't been in school."

"Honestly, I don't know. When Soda called in to tell his boss that he got hurt, he said Steve hasn't been at work either. Never called in, or anything."

I stared at the table. Not knowing didn't settle my thoughts at all.

"Look at me," Darry took my hand in one of his and lifted up my chin with the other so I had to look at him. "You are safe here. I swear it. I don't care if Sherman's army shows up in our yard, I will not let anything happen to you again. Neither will Soda or Pony. Okay?"

"Okay," I agreed, half-lying. That was part of my new knowledge… nothing was completely safe.

"_Now_ can you go study?" Darry asked, squeezing my hand.

"Actually, there's one other thing."

"Shoot."

"Well, my coach tracked me down today because he wanted me to ask you about something."

"_Me?_ What?"

"Well, really he was asking me something but he knew I would have to ask you for permission."

"Okay… so what is it?"

"Don't say no right away, okay? Just hear me out." I had a feeling he was going to be against it, at least at first.

"I'm trying to do that, but you're not giving me a whole lot to go on, so far." I guessed that was a pretty fair comment, so I just put it out there.

"He wanted to ask me to babysit for his daughter this summer. Just in the mornings."

"Scout, you don't know anything about little kids. You're never around any."

"That's not true. I've been around Uncle Pat's kids. Ryan was only two the last time we went down there and I did okay with him."

"Scout, I don't think…"

"I can help out with the money, Darry. While Soda's not working. I know I won't make as much, but, it will be _some_ help. I feel bad, Darry. You and Soda have to work all the time… I want to help. He even said he can pick me up and bring me home."

"What's he going to pay you?"

"Seventy-five cents an hour… four hours a day, five days a week. I don't know how much that is, you know how much I hate math."

He laughed.

"So… can I? He's going to call tomorrow night and see if you said okay, then I can go over on Sunday and he can show me what I have to do."

"I don't know, baby…"

"You know I'm responsible enough."

"It's not that. It's just… you're only twelve. You're supposed to be spending your summer being a kid, not working. God, Mom and Dad would never have let one of us work all summer when we were your age."

"It's just for June and July. I'll still have August to be a kid, Dar. And every afternoon."

He sighed.

"I'm not gonna pretend we don't need the money, because I know you know we do… but it just feels bad, Scout. You shouldn't have to work."

"Neither should you," I said softly, standing back up and rubbing his shoulders again, from behind. "but we have to do what has to be done to stay together. I don't mind. Really. I want to. And I want to go to court, too." I hadn't said anything, but I was hoping anything we could get from winning in court would be enough for Darry to go back to school. "_Please_, Darry? Let me help?"

"Look, I'll make a deal with you, okay? You put all these thoughts out of your head, just for tonight, and get some sleep. Let me get this quote figured out, and you finish your exams, and tomorrow, I promise, I will sit down with you and we'll figure it all out. Until then, I'll have time to think about it, okay? Deal?"

I had a feeling that was the best answer I was going to get out of him right then, so I quit rubbing his shoulders and reached around, hugging him from behind.

"Deal," I said. "You need me to double check any of this math for you?" I added, tapping at his paper filled with numbers.

"I think I'm all set." He stood up, holding my arms tight around his shoulders so he lifted me off the floor in a piggyback. He carried me into my room and dropped me backwards on my bed.

"Bedtime," he said. "No worries, okay. Just sleep."

"I'll try," I promised. That was, honestly, the best I could do.

..................................................................

**A/N: Thanks for your reviews. They are greatly appreciated. FYI, the German word for "world-weary" is "weltschmerz"**


	7. The Worry

My nightmare that night had nothing to do with Steve.

Those guys were back, and they had Darry. I stood on the porch, helpless, listening to him yell at me, begging me to go get help; to _do_ something, but I couldn't move. I was frozen in that spot, watching him get punched and kicked, seeing him crumple to the ground and become covered by the guys. They were trying to strangle him, to _kill_ him, and there was nothing I could do; I was unable to either move or speak. I turned out to be slightly grateful for the inability to speak, because that carried over into real life and, rather than waking up screaming, I simply bolted upright, heart racing and breathing heavily.

Just a dream, I comforted myself. _Not real_. A dream. That's all.

Silence filled the house as I pulled over my alarm clock to check the time. Three-thirty. Great. Three hours more of lying awake in bed trying to get that scenario out of my head. It couldn't have waited _one_ more night, until I didn't have exams the next morning and would be able to sleep in? I lay back and tried to close my eyes and forget, but the silence in the house ate away at me.

Maybe it was because I'd had Darry sleeping in my room for a while and had gotten used to his sleeping sounds that this silence just seemed _too_ quiet. Suddenly I felt a gnawing fear that I was alone, that maybe those guys _had_ come back for Darry, and maybe even Soda and Pony too. It was one of those thoughts, irrational as it might have been, that simply _wouldn't_ go away until proven wrong. After fifteen minutes of trying to convince myself it was stupid, I finally slid out of bed and down the hall, tiptoeing through the kitchen to Darry's door. I strained to hear his light snoring, and held my breath as I silently turned the knob to reveal both the sight and sound of my sleeping brother.

I had just closed his door and turned when Soda's voice in the doorway nearly scared the life out of me. I jumped about a mile but managed to not scream.

"What are you doing? It's the middle of the night." He was leaning up against the kitchen doorframe. I had forgotten that he'd been asleep on the couch.

"_God_, Soda. You guys have to stop scaring me like that," I whispered, once I had moved away from Darry's door.

"Sorry," he whispered, "but what are you doing in here?"

"Nothing," I said. "Forget it. Just go back to bed."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just forget it, okay? I'm going back to bed, and so should you." The whole thing seemed completely idiotic to me right then. _Me_, getting up to check on Darry? God. Like somebody would ever be able to come in the house and attack him without one of us hearing? No wonder everybody treats me like I'm five years old sometimes, I was thinking… Right then, I was acting like it. I pushed past Soda back into my room and threw myself back in the bed. He followed me to my door.

"Are you really okay?"

"Yes. Go to bed, Soda." I was mad – not at him, at myself. First: for being stupid, and second: for getting caught being stupid. My frustration with myself actually turned out to be a gift. as it took precedence over any leftover fear from the nightmare and, determined to act my age, I actually managed to fall back asleep.

............................

I awoke to my name being called and the feeling of someone sitting down on my bed. I opened my eyes and after they adjusted to the light I found Darry sitting at the foot of my bed.

"Morning," he said. "Lucky you, last day of school."

"Mmmm." I closed my eyes again and just lay there. I was definitely the worst riser in the family, and I doubted I would ever be an early bird like Darry and Soda.

"How'd you sleep?" Something in his tone told me that Soda had already informed him about our early-morning exchange.

"Fine," I said, still not opening my eyes, hoping he would let it go. He didn't.

"Then what were you doing at my door at three in the morning?" he asked, rubbing my foot through the sheets.

"Nothing, okay? Soda needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. Just forget it."

"He was concerned about you. Were you sneaking into my room again? I told you, you don't have to do that."

"No."

"Then what?" I finally opened my eyes again and stared at him.

"Look, it was _nothing_, okay? It was stupid. I had a dream about those guys, that they came back for you and then I couldn't hear anybody in the house, so I just went to check, to make sure you were still here. That's all. I'm fine."

Darry looked at me and didn't say anything. I could tell he was thinking about something, though, and I was sure he was praying that I would just grow up and once and for all stop acting like a little scared kid. He stood up abruptly.

"C'mon, Soda's making pancakes. Tomorrow you get to sleep in."

I sighed and slid out of bed, heading for the bathroom and swearing to myself that no matter what kind of dreams came to me in the night, from then on, I was staying in my bed. It was high time to grow up, for God's sake, I chastised myself.

Soda glanced at me as I sat down, but didn't say anything, instead telling Darry that he was going to call the salvage place that had towed his car after the accident and see if there was any hope of saving it. I wanted to tell him he was crazy – I had been the only one conscious at the scene to see the car – but I didn't say anything. I knew how much he wanted a car of his own, so I figured I'd let someone else give him the bad news.

I was quiet at breakfast, but that was becoming par for the course most days. Pony wasn't all that chatty in the mornings either, so usually that left just Darry and Soda to talk, every once in a while asking one of us a question and getting a one-word answer. Even in the truck on the way to school, we didn't have much to say. As we climbed out, Darry reminded us,

"I mean it, you two better be out in front of the high school at noon, or I'm not gonna be happy."

"We will," I said. Pony had already turned to go. I was about to follow him when Darry grabbed my shoulder.

"Hey, Scout?" he looked serious.

"What?"

"Don't worry about me, please? I'll be fine. Just do your best on your tests, 'kay?"

"I will."

"Alright, see you later."

"Bye, Dar."

………………………………..

Again, my exams were pretty much as I had expected and I wasn't too worried about how I had done on them. I finished up a good forty-five minutes before Darry was supposed to pick us up, so I waited around outside the junior high for a while before walking over to meet Pony at the high school. I said goodbye to most of my school friends who I knew I probably wouldn't see over the summer. After a while it was just Anna and Ben and me sitting on the steps.

"How come you're telling all these kids goodbye now? Aren't you coming to graduation tomorrow?" Anna asked. Our junior high school had a graduation ceremony the day after exams where they gave out academic awards and stuff. The previous year my mom had made all of us go to Pony's, which he would have given _anything_ to not have to attend, due to the fact that he was expected to wear a suit. I was not a big fan of formal dress, either – not that I really had anything appropriate to wear, anyway - and honestly, I really didn't want to go and have to think even more about how different things had been for me just a year ago.

"No," I said. "I think it's kind of stupid, actually. I mean, we're not really graduating from anything, we're just moving next door to the high school. Nobody will be around to drive me anyway." The ceremony was at ten – Darry would have long since gone to work, and Kevin and Ben wouldn't be going, since Ben was only in seventh grade.

"My dad could pick you up," Anna suggested.

"No, I mean, thanks for offering, but I just don't really want to go. I can't explain it. I just don't want to think about going to Pony's, last year, with my parents."

Neither Ben nor Anna answered, and I knew they didn't know what to say. I didn't talk much about my parents with Anna, but Ben knew how much I missed them sometimes.

Just then Anna's dad drove up and she ran off to his car, promising to call me later in the week so we could get together. Ben walked over to the high school with me to find Pony leaning up against a tree, smoking.

Pony offered Ben a smoke and he declined.

"How come you never even ask me if I want one?" I asked him.

"Are you kidding? Darry would kill me. And you."

"Darry's not even here." I didn't actually want to smoke, for some reason it just bugged me that it was always assumed I couldn't. Getting treated like a kid, again, it seemed to me.

"You don't wanna start smoking, Scout. It's too expensive. I should quit, too. We can't afford my addiction, alone, especially with Soda not working." I hadn't thought about that. I guessed it must be Soda who was buying the butts for Pony; Darry would never actually work that into our budget.

"I'm gonna babysit for my coach's kid this summer, to help out. I'm pretty sure Darry's gonna let me."

"He said that?" Pony seemed a little mad.

"He's thinking about it. Why?"

"I asked him about working at the bowling alley this summer, and he said I couldn't work 'til I was sixteen, that that was Mom and Dad's rule."

"Well, I guess it's different, now, since Soda can't work. I don't know, maybe you should ask him again. He's gonna talk to me about it after work. He was busy when I asked him last night."

"I'll have to ask Pete if they're still looking for help."

Just then, Kevin came out the high school door towards us, asking Pony and me if we wanted a ride. We declined, Darry had said he didn't want us to make Kevin into our personal chauffeur. I think he was already feeling guilty about Kevin getting caught up in his fight the previous day and didn't want to ask for any more favors. I started to feel panic rise in me again as I thought about those guys and Darry, alone at work.

"What time is it, Kevin?" I asked. He looked down at his watch.

"Five past twelve," he said. "C'mon, Ben, we gotta go, I hafta work at one." Ben parked cars at a fancy restaurant downtown. They took off toward the parking lot.

"I'll talk to you later, Scout," Ben called back over his shoulder. I was sure that we would be seeing each other pretty much every day during the summer.

Pony and I waited another few minutes in silence, with still no sign of Darry. I didn't like it; he was never late. But before I had a chance to really work myself into a panic, I saw Darry's truck pulling into the school parking lot.

"Sorry guys," he said, as we hopped in, "I stopped to get some lunch stuff for you and Soda. I used up all the bread this morning." I had a feeling the explanation was for my benefit; that he knew I'd be worried. "How'd exams go?"

"Fine," Pony and I both answered, equally unenthusiastically, which made Darry laugh.

"It's a good thing you two are smart, I can only imagine how much you'd dislike school, if it was actually _hard_ for you."

"I guess," I said. I didn't really dislike school; I was just ready for a break. I didn't even mind that I might be working; at least it would be something _different_.

Darry handed me a bag containing milk, bread, and some lunch meat as we pulled up in front of the house.

"Make sure Soda eats something, okay?" he asked. "And here," he pulled a pill bottle out of his glove compartment, opening it and handing me one. "Give him this."

"You take those things to _work_ with you? Jeez, Darry, you really don't trust us, huh?" Pony asked, surprised.

"Believe me, the last thing I need is you guys getting curious about drugs." Darry said. "You saw what happened to Steve."

I tensed. I wondered how long it would be before just the mention of his name would make me feel a litte sick.

"How are you feeling, anyway, Scout? You still sore? I saw you didn't take the pill I left you yesterday."

"I'm okay." I was still a little achy but it was nothing too bad. Not like when Steve broke my ribs.

"Okay, well, I'll be home by five. You guys stay out of trouble. Scout, you know the rules about Ben."

"I know, Darry." I heard Pony laughing at me as he headed in the house, and shook my head.

"Oh, he's laughing now, but the rules are gonna be the same for him if he ever starts showing an interest in the ladies. Don't let him get to you."

"I don't."

"I haven't forgotten about our talk tonight, okay? After dinner."

"Okay." I shut the door and looked through the window.

"Dar?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

"I always am. I'll see you later." He stuck his tongue out at me and pulled away from the curb. I laughed, watching the cloud of dust follow his truck down to the corner and disappear, and I turned and headed into the house to begin my summer.

...............................

**A/N: Kinda slow chapter, I know. Sometimes it takes a while to get from here to there. :-)** **Thanks for the reviews.**


	8. The Ruler

Pony had obviously just awakened Soda by slamming the door behind him upon entering the house, because he was sitting up sleepily on the couch, looking at the two of us coming in.

"Please tell me Darry gave one of you my pill," he said, though he was also eyeing the grocery bag with interest.

"I have it," I said, bringing the groceries into the kitchen and setting them down on the table. "What do you want to drink?"

"You guys buy milk?"

"Yeah."

"Milk, then." The boys all loved milk. Darry was always on my case to drink it, but I practically gagged every time I tried. Once, when I was about five, they had mistakenly given us spoiled milk at school. I had taken a giant gulp, and I had never quite gotten over it.

"I'm making sandwiches, Soda. Turkey and cheese. You're mustard, right?" Pony always forgot which condiments we all preferred. He and I were mayonaisse, and Soda and Darry were mustard.

"Pony, when you gonna finally get that straight? We've been making lunches for practically a year!"

Not a year, Soda, I thought. Eight months. It was four months until my birthday, and since that night, there had been no more Mom to… well, I was trying not to think about that.

"Here." I handed Soda the pill and he eagerly swallowed it down with the entire glass of milk. I waited and took his glass. "More?"

"I can wait," he said. "How was school?"

"It's over. I don't even want to think about it until September."

"You sound like me," Soda grinned. "You'll do great, though. All A's, I bet."

I didn't answer, but he was probably right. I never thought it was fair that school came so easy to three of us and so hard to Soda. He always hinted at his feelings of inferiority, but he couldn't have been further from the truth. He had gifts none of the rest of us possessed. His compassion and mechanical skills far surpassed the other three of us combined.

"How's your arm feeling?" I asked, changing the subject.

"You were right about the itching," he said. "It's about killing me."

"Ah… I have just the thing for you," I said, smiling. I headed off into my bedroom, opened the drawer in my bedside table and grabbed the ruler I had stolen from the kitchen junk drawer quite a few months back. It had proved very handy for scratching those unreachable itches that had occurred under my cast. I went back into the living room and told Soda to close his eyes.

"Why? Don't tickle me, okay? I'll smack you with my cast and plus, I have to pee."

That sent me into a fit of giggles.

"What? C'mon. My eyes are closed."

"Give me your cast," I said. He held out his arm.

I stuck the ruler down inside the cast and scratched.

"Oh my God. Ah! Yes! That is _so good_!"

I burst out laughing. I wasn't old enough to really know what anything dirty sounded like, but when people pretended to imitate sex, it sounded just like Soda just then.

Pony came to the kitchen door with a slightly horrified look on his face, clearly concerned by what he heard. That only made me laugh harder. I fell backward on the floor laughing, pulling the ruler down with me.

"Oh God, don't stop now!" Soda cried. That sent both Pony and I into hysterics, Soda seemingly having no clue what was so funny. Eventually, I just held the ruler up in the air and let him grab it, scratching his own itches and groaning with pleasure. I rolled myself over and stood up, trying to regain my composure.

Soda shook his head at me and Pony both as we headed into the kitchen to finish up with making lunch.

"Thanks, Scout, that totally hits the spot," he called after me, as Pony and I struggled to stop laughing.

Pony straightened up first, though his face was beet red.

"C'mon, that isn't funny. He's our brother. That's dirty."

"I know," I said, and we both immediately burst out laughing again.

"I guess that explains why none of us were willing to help you out with _your_ itch then, huh?" I couldn't remember ever seeing Pony giggling so hard.

"Shut up… At least he won't miss Sandy so much when she's not around, now that he has that ruler," I said, very glad that Darry was not around to hear us.

Things continued in such a vein, both of us laughing so hard our sides hurt, until Soda started yelling into the kitchen at us, asking what the hell was so funny and why we were taking so long. It took us few minutes, but we both did finally manage to pull ourselves together. We carried the sandwiches in and we all sat in the living room eating and watching TV. It became clear very soon after lunch was done that none of us knew what to do with the immeasurable amount of free time that now lay out in front of us. Mom had always kept us busy - taking us places, bringing us to friends' houses or entertaining them at our house, forcing us outside to play when we sat around looking bored. This summer, however, we were stuck at home with no car and, at the moment, no driver. Two-Bit wouldn't be able to drive for a while, with his foot in a cast. I hadn't thought much about him, since I had last seen him in so much pain.

"Is Two-Bit home yet, Soda?"

"Yeah. He called this morning. Being stuck at home is driving him up the wall. He's gonna come over for a while later. Told his mom he had to get out of the house or he was gonna get even crazier than he already is. I told him I wasn't sure that was possible."

"I hope not," I said. I was hoping he would be back to the old Two-Bit. Seeing him hurting had really affected me, and while I couldn't pinpoint exactly why, I knew one thing for sure: we needed Two-Bit. All of us. He had been through everything with us, and just when everything seemed like it was falling apart, he was always still around. It was funny, thinking of Two-Bit as a source of stability, but I truly believed that, at certain points, he helped keep all of us grounded. And, of course, it didn't hurt that he was a complete riot to be around.

We lay there like sloths, watching TV - Pony getting up and going outside a few times to smoke - but neither Soda nor I moving. I sat on the floor, my back up against the couch. It surprised me that Soda hadn't fallen asleep. Those pain pills seemed to usually knock him out within a matter of minutes.

"Mom never would have just let us sit around like this," I said, trying not to sound sad.

"I know," Soda said, and I must not have hidden my sadness very well, because he rolled over on his side and reached out to rub my hair. "It'll be different, this summer, but we'll get through it. Just the same as we've gotten through everything, so far." I knew he was right, but couldn't think of what to say. It turned out it didn't matter, because Two-Bit picked that exact moment to make his appearance in our doorway, Pony coming along behind him.

"Didja miss me?" The grin on his face was a mile wide and any worries I'd had about the old Two-Bit going missing were immediately erased.

"I kinda did, actually," I said, as he came through the room on his crutches and plopped down in the armchair.

"Aw, Scooter, y' all are just sayin' that," he feigned modesty.

"No, I really did," I said, sitting on the arm of the chair. "How's your leg?"

"Busted, didn't they tell you?" I laughed.

"How is it _feeling_?"

"I don't know. Man, I tell you, these pain pills are like a one-shot six-pack o' Bud. I ain't felt this happy in a long time without downing a few. I think I'm gonna request a refill from the doc, while I still have a reason." He realized what he was saying in front of me and looked around quickly. "Superman home?"

"No, you're safe. He's at work." Soda laughed. I felt like I should probably leave the two of them alone to talk, since they couldn't so easily move themselves, so I headed off into my bedroom.

I was really hoping that Darry would agree to let me babysit; sitting around the house all day, every day was going to drive me nuts in very short order. Already I was bored. I grabbed a book I had started reading way back in the fall and tried to get back into it but it just couldn't hold my interest. I tossed it over the side of the bed and lay back, trying to get rid of that sad and weary feeling I had been fighting. Without school to keep me busy, it worried me how much time I would have to think about everything that had happened over the past year. Things that I didn't want to think about. I wished there was a way to ban certain thoughts from ever surfacing; unfortunately, there wasn't.

I must have fallen asleep thinking about that because I woke up to the front door slamming and Two-Bit welcoming Darry into his own house. I knew Darry would be annoyed if he knew I had wasted the afternoon napping- though truthfully I wasn't sure what else I should have been doing – so I stopped in the bathroom and splashed water on my face before heading out into the living room. Just as I entered the room I heard a car horn and Two-Bit jumped up, forgetting about his cast and nearly falling over before Darry caught him.

"That's my ride!" he said, grabbing his crutches and heading for the door. "Catch y'all tomorrow. Same time, same place." He tipped an imaginary hat at us and Darry held the door for him, helping him to the car where he stopped to say a quick hello to Two-Bit's mom and sister.

"Scout, you better get in there and start dinner," Pony said from where I hadn't noticed him standing in the hall. "Why are you so late with it?" One thing about Darry when he came home from work: he was always hungry, and we tried to have supper at least started by then, because his crankiness increased in direct proportion to his hunger, most of the time.

"I fell asleep. Why didn't somebody wake me? Don't say anything to Darry, okay?" I hurried into the kitchen and grabbed a few cans of tomatoes and beans, dumping them into a pot with some hamburger. Chili was one of Darry's favorites. I heard him go into the bathroom to wash up and then he came into the kitchen, lifting up the cover on the pot.

"Mmmm, chili. You just start it?" It was obviously not even hot yet.

"Yeah, sorry. I lost track of time."

"No big deal. I'm actually a little early. Finished up quicker than I thought." I knew that was a good thing. For as much as I didn't know about Darry's job, what I did know was that he got paid by the job, not by the hour. That had changed when he had started taking jobs on his own, instead of working for somebody else.

"Does that mean you'll be home tomorrow?" Sometimes he was off for a day or two between jobs, either because he finished a job quicker than he thought or because he didn't have anything new lined up yet.

"Nope, guy just called this morning and accepted my bid on that west side job. Starting tomorrow."

"That's good." I knew we definitely couldn't afford to have both Darry and Soda not working.

"Yes, it is," he said, in a much better mood than he usually was when he got home from work. He reached over my back and grabbed the spoon I was using to stir right out of my hand.

"I can finish this up, you go entertain Soda."

I spun around and looked at him like he was insane. This made three nights in a row he had offered to cook when it wasn't his turn. I was wondering who he was and what he had done with the real Darry when he laughed at me.

"Really?" I was wondering what he could possibly be buttering me up for by relieving me of three days of cooking duty. "Why?"

"Because I'm nice," he said. "And I want to work my chili magic."

Seriously, who the heck was this guy? I backed out of the kitchen eyeing him suspiciously, as though any second there would be a poof and a cloud of smoke and he would turn into a toadstool or something.

"Get out of here," he laughed.

.........................

"What the heck is with him?" I asked quietly, plopping myself next to Soda on the couch, who was actually sitting up for the first time since lunch.

"I dunno, why?"

"He's just acting weird. He offered to cook again."

"Full of surprises, our Darry," Soda chuckled, scratching his arm with the ruler again, but thankfully refraining from making any noise. I managed to not laugh, only because Pony had disappeared into his room. I knew the two of us were going to be consumed by giggles every time he used that thing.

The chili smell eventually permeated the whole house and we all gravitated into the kitchen and were sitting at the table well before it was ready. To further encourage my questioning of his true identity, Darry had made cornbread to go with the chili. I didn't question it, but it had been a _long_ time since I had seen him in such a good mood. I hoped that would bode well for my chances of being allowed to babysit. I figured then was as good as a time as any to revisit it, so I did.

"So, Darry, did you think about my coach's offer?" He had his back to me as he stood at the stove, so I didn't get to see his expression.

"What offer?" Soda asked, grabbing a spoon and scooping out some chili to "test."

"He offered me a job. Babysitting his kid every morning."

Soda looked at me.

"You're not working all summer, Scout," he said, in a tone that sounded strangely like anger.

"Why not?" I asked him, as Darry came and sat down at the table with us.

"No way. You're twelve. You ain't working." He _was_ mad. I certainly hadn't expected this reaction from _him_. God, he quit _school _to work!

"You're not the boss, Soda," I said, getting a little mad in return. Here, Darry had been all happy and he was gonna ruin it for me?

"Soda, calm down," Darry said.

"No, I won't," Soda said, banging his cast on the table. "I ain't gonna have my kid sister working away her summer because I got hurt. It ain't right. Mom and Dad never let us work 'til we were sixteen, and she isn't gonna, either. No _way_, Darry!"

"Soda, you're being unreasonable," Darry said. "Just get a handle on yourself, okay, so we can talk about this."

"I wanna work, too," Pony said, which was probably not the wisest thing to say at the time.

"No, Pony. There's no way. Mom and Dad _never_ would have allowed it." Soda was trying to calm down, since Darry had asked, but he was still fuming.

"Shut up, Soda!" I yelled, surprising even myself. "You don't get to decide. And in case you forgot, Mom and Dad aren't here! It isn't your fault you can't work, but if we're gonna stay together we can't go broke. Don't be a stubborn jerk about it because I want us to stay together!"

"It ain't right… " Soda was calming down, my comment about Mom and Dad not being around seemed to have tempered his anger a bit.

There was silence for a minute as we all gathered ourselves back together.

"I just want to _help_." Tears were coming, but I was fighting them with everything I had. "You guys got stuck taking care of me, and I never get to do anything to help. Why won't you let me _help_, Soda?" Crap. The tears had won, and I wiped them away and turned my head away from my brothers.

"I feel the same way," Pony said quietly. Soda stood up and came around the back of my chair to look me in the face but I turned back around and stared into my lap.

"Look, Scout, I ain't mad at you, that's not why I yelled. And me and Darry aren't 'stuck' with you; you're our family and we love you."

"Then, why?" I still didn't look up. "_Why_ won't you let me help? Mom and Dad aren't here, and no matter how much you try to do things the way they would have, they're still gone, and nothing is the same. I _know_ that, because I still think about them, and miss them every single day."

"That's what I was trying to say, baby." Soda's tone had changed completely, and where he had been yelling, now he was practically whispering. "Everything has _already_ been hard enough for you. I don't want you having to work to take care of us on top of it all. Me and Darry never had to worry about anything when we we're twelve. I want you to get to be a kid for as long as we did, not get punished because of what happened to Mom and Dad."

I finally looked up at him, still feeling the tears forming.

"Nobody's making me do this, Soda. I want to. I _need_ to. I've only been home half a day and already I'm fighting with myself to try to not lay in bed all day and think about everything I've lost since last summer. You'll go back to work, and Darry will be working… I can't stay here alone all day and do nothing Soda. I'll go crazy. I can already feel myself sinking. I have to _do_ something. So I might as well do something and get paid for it."

Soda tried to hug me and accidentally hit me in the face with his cast. It wasn't hard, and it actually served to break some tension as we all laughed. Darry, who had remained pretty much silent throughout the whole discussion, suddenly spoke.

"You two okay?" he asked. "Can we eat?"

"Yeah," we both replied.

"Good. Because I already made my decision, anyway. We'll talk about it after dinner."

With that, he got up from the table to get his chili.

............................

**A/N: Reviews are always appreciated! Happy Mother's Day, all you Mothers out there!**


	9. The Meeting

We all, without even discussing it, put aside any talk of either Pony or me working until after dinner. We talked about "safe" stuff: Darry's next job, Soda's itchiness, and Two-Bit's general nuttiness. Darry's chili had turned out great, as usual (he actually did work "chili magic," as the rest of ours never came out quite as good), and we all ate more than we should have, feeling completely full and lazy afterward. I got up to help Soda with the dishes – it was his week, but with a cast on one arm, which wasn't supposed to get wet, it was quite a challenging chore. Since Darry had pretty much cooked for me, I didn't mind helping Soda out. Pony and Darry went into the living room and were watching TV when Soda and I finally finished up and joined them. I sat on the arm of Dad's chair where Darry was sitting and Soda lay down on the couch, his legs across Pony's lap.

I was surprised when Darry suddenly got up and switched off the TV.

"Hey, I was watching that!" Pony said. "What gives?"

"We didn't finish our talk, from earlier," Darry said, "so I think we should. And you were right, Scout, the other night. We should deal with family problems as a family. You and Pony deserve to know what's going on as much as me and Soda."

I glanced at Pony and knew that we both were feeling a sense of relief that Darry was finally willing to let us in, after trying to protect us from reality for so long.

"I want to babysit, Darry. Really. It's not just about the money." I looked at Soda to see if he was still going to argue, but he didn't do or say anything, he just looked back at me, his expression neutral. Darry looked at him, as well, and spoke up.

"I heard what you were saying earlier, Soda, believe me, I did. And that was _my_ gut reaction, too. But I thought about it, and heard what Scout said, too, and I think we should let her do it. She _is _responsible enough, and, eventually, when she's getting ready to go to college, the more ways that we can prove she's taken initiative, the better." Leave it to Darry to already be figuring out my college applications. He didn't stop there, either.

"Plus, I've met her coach, and he's a nice guy. He thought enough to ask _her_, over all the older girls on the team. I think we should let her try it. Regardless of the fact that the money will help out."

"Thanks, Darry," I said quietly, though I was still expecting Soda to pipe up with an argument against it.

"You're welcome. But don't start thinking that just because I am letting you do this, the rules around here no longer apply. You're still gonna have a ton of rules to follow. Like, you don't go anywhere while you're there, you call if you're going to be late, and some other stuff we'll talk about once you get more details. And I want to talk to him when he calls."

"Okay." I wasn't going to argue anything for fear he'd change his mind about the whole thing.

"Now what's this about you wanting to work?" He turned to Pony. "Is this what you asked me about before? The bowling alley?"

"Yeah. Before, they were looking for somebody weekend nights, but they already hired somebody for that. Pete says they want somebody for days, now, for the summer. Three days a week."

"You're not old enough to work, Ponyboy. How are they gonna work around that?"

"Shoot, Darry, there's no payroll down there. Everybody but the I.R.S. knows that. Shorty pays cash, under the table. Same as Scout - seventy-five cents an hour. That's probably almost as much as Soda makes anyway, after taxes. With me and Scout both bringing home some cash, we can make up for whatever we're missing from Soda not working."

"I'm going back in three weeks," Soda said.

"The doctor said a _month_, Soda. _If _your arm heals right." Darry wasn't about to let Soda slide that one by him.

"Well, no matter what, when Soda does go back to work, maybe with all four of us working we can even get ahead a little. Maybe we can help with your tuition, Darry."

I was stunned that Pony had brought that up. I had assumed we were still in a "wait and see" kind of situation about Darry going back to school, hoping that me going to court might help out… but it hadn't been spoken about since he had left school in January.

"We're nowhere near figuring that out yet, Pony. Let's not get ahead of ourselves." It was far from what, in a perfect world, I would have wanted to hear him say ("I am going back to school, no matter what" would have been nice) but it wasn't an outright denial of the possibility that he might go back, and, coming from Darry, I was willing to take that for now.

"I still don't like it," Soda said. "I just feel like you two are getting cheated out of the kind of summers me and Darry got to have. Seems like, when you're twelve, your biggest worries in the summer should be whose yard to play football in and where to get a dime for the ice cream truck."

"No offense, Soda," Pony said softly, "but Scout and I've both had worries a whole lot bigger than that for a pretty long time now. And once you have 'em, there's no goin' back to not havin' 'em."

"I guess not," Soda agreed, still sounding kind of sad.

"I guess that's settled, then," Ponyboy spoke up, after a few moments of silence.

For now," Darry said, "but this is no small thing. This is a _huge_ leap for me, letting you two do this, and I'm only doing it because I think you're both responsible kids with good heads on your shoulders. _But_, if either of you messes up, or it starts to look like it's getting too stressful for you, you're done. Period. It's not worth you two being miserable just for a few bucks. The gas bill can wait, _dig?_"

"Yeah," Pony and I both answered.

"So," Pony continued after a second… "Meeting adjourned?" He got up to turn the TV back on.

"Not quite, hang on a second," Darry said. "I want to ask you guys something, but I'm not sure how this is gonna be received, so keep in mind that it's just a thought."

We all looked at each other, puzzled.

"Okay…?" Soda said. Pony sat back down.

"Well… I've been thinking about the house, and with all the things that have been going on…"

"You're _not_ selling this house, Darry. _No way!_" Soda was about to fly into another rage.

"God, no! Are you_ kidding_ me, Soda? We _live_ here. I sell this house, where the hell do you think we'd live?"

"I don't know…" Soda realized he might have been a little rash with his assumption. Between the itching and the medications he was way more on edge than usual.

"Then _what_, Darry? Just say it. That's what you always make _me_ do." He hated it when I couldn't just get to the point, and I secretly enjoyed telling him to cut to the chase.

"Okay, fine. I know you haven't been sleeping well, Scout, and you can deny it as much as you want, but I can tell you're still scared at night. To be honest, I haven't been sleeping that well, either, because I'm always trying to keep an ear open to make sure that you all are okay, and listening to see if Two-Bit or Tim or somebody comes through the door in the night, so I'll be prepared to find a body on the couch in the morning."

"So what are you sayin', we should start a Bad Sleepers Club or something? You all know Pony don't sleep good either, and I can even join in now, too, what with all my achin' and itchin'."

"You're a riot, Soda," Darry said flatly. "But I'm serious. I was thinking, and maybe… I thought we all might start sleeping better if we switched around our rooms... But...the reason I wasn't sure how you'd feel about this is because it'd mean me moving into Mom and Dad's room. That way I'd be at the front of the house and could hear what's going on better. Scout could switch with you two so she'd feel safer with people sleeping on both sides of her, instead of a wide open space on one side."

"What about your room?" Pony asked.

"We could keep it as a spare; maybe keep the Mathews and Shepards of the world off our couch. Or, if you and Soda someday decide to end your brotherly love-fest, one of you could move in there."

"That isn't funny, Darry." Pony was offended by the love-fest remark. I knew where Darry was coming from though; sometimes I got as jealous of their closeness as he did.

"I was just kidding. Honestly, I was pretty nervous about suggesting this. I mean, it's Mom and Dad's room… in my mind it _always_ will be, but for the sake of us all sleeping better, it just seems like maybe it's a good idea."

I didn't know what to say. We hadn't really touched anything in their room, except for the few times Darry and I had slept in their bed and, of course, the lock Darry broke trying to get to me when I'd had the nightmare in there. I felt bad. I felt like maybe_ I_ was ready to change things around, a little – and if anybody deserved to be in their space, it was Darry, after all he had taken on, but I wasn't sure how ready the others were. And I had no doubt that the suggestion had very little to do with Darry and a whole lot to do with me.

"I'm okay in my room, Darry. Really." I tried to sound as convincing as I could, but failed.

"Scout, you're creeping around the house in the middle of the night, scared. That's _not_ fine. And I know you don't have school to worry about right now, but if you're gonna babysit a little kid, you can't be falling asleep on the job."

I looked at Soda and Pony, but couldn't tell what either was thinking.

"Guys, you don't have to. I mean, just because of…"

"Will it help you?" Soda interrupted.

"What?"

"Is Darry right? Will it help you feel safer? Being in the middle?"

I wished I were a better liar. I didn't want it to be about _me_; I had already gotten what I wanted once in the conversation with Darry agreeing to let me work. I wanted it to be about what _they_ were ready for, what _they_ could handle. But, the truth was, I knew I _would_ sleep better without the big open void of the kitchen on one side of me. I decided not to lie. I probably wouldn't have gotten away with it anyway.

"Yeah, probably," I admitted, somewhat sadly.

"I think we should," Pony said, surprising me. I had figured this might be hardest for him. "We can't keep things the same forever. And you deserve to feel safe in your own house, Scout."

"I just feel bad…"

"Don't," Darry said. "It was my idea. I like the idea of being at the front of the house. I'll sleep better too."

"Okay," I agreed. "We're not gonna do it _now_, are we?"

"No way, kiddo. I've been roofing houses all day. This weekend… Sunday, maybe. That'll give us time to clean up all our crap to move it."

"What about… Mom and Dad's stuff?" I wasn't ready to part with it, just yet.

"We'll move it to the closet in my room," Darry said, and I was relieved he wasn't willing to just let it all go quite yet either.

"Okay, then," Pony said, reaching for the TV switch one more time, "anything else?" He looked around at the three of us. We all shook our heads.

"Meeting adjourned," he said, and flicked on the TV.

.............................................

**A/N: Ah... the lull before the storm. I have a feeling it's going to be an action packed summer.** ** Thanks for the encouragement, readers. Muchly appreciated.**


	10. The Scare

The rest of the night brought an endless barrage of phone calls. I was glad that my coach was the first to call; I knew that if he hadn't been, I would have been badgering Soda to get off the phone whenever Sandy called, which was next to impossible. Soda and Sandy inhabited their own little world on the telephone. Soda had actually been the one to answer the call, and was annoyed that it was for me, handing it over with a mouthed "hurry up!" I stuck my tongue out at Soda, telling my coach that Darry had said yes, and setting up my visit for Sunday. Afterward, Darry talked to him for a while, asking a few questions about where he lived, getting me to and from his house, and finally ending up in a discussion about sports. I wasn't exactly sure how old my coach was, but it seemed to me that he and Darry were pretty much peers. I liked that.

Next up was Sandy was calling for Soda. Pony and I tuned out all their lovey-dovey nonsense while we watched TV. About two minutes after Soda finally hung up, the phone rang again, and I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Scout. It's Anna."

"Hi," I said, surprised to hear from her so soon. I had assumed earlier when she said that she'd call that she'd meant later in the week. "What's up?"

"I miss you already!" she joked. "Actually, I _do_ miss you. I had to eat my Thursday night pizza all alone! When your big brother comes around in the day, it messes up my social time with you!"

"What are you talking about? _Today?_" Darry hardly ever took a real "lunch break" at work, he preferred to eat quick and get home early, and, especially after already having to pick up me and Pony at school, I was surprised he would have taken the time to go to Angelo's. But that did explain why we hadn't gone there for dinner. I had completely forgotten that it was Thursday in the first place.

"Yup. He came in at lunchtime. And he asked Ali out for Saturday night!"

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. She's all goofy-happy about it, she's so in loooove!" I heard Alison yelling at her to shut up in the background and giggled.

"Yeah, well, you can tell her the feeling is mutual." That certainly explained Darry's unusually good mood.

"So… I wanted to see if you wanted to come over, when Darry picks Alison up, like last time? My dad said he'd drive us to the movies. Think Darry'll let you go?"

"I'll have to ask, but I don't see why not." I didn't see any real reason for Darry to say no. If he trusted me to be responsible enough to babysit, I couldn't see how going to the movies on a summer night would be a problem.

"Cool. Is he there? Alison wants to talk to her loverboy." Alison protested loudly in the background, as both Anna and I laughed.

"Yeah, hang on." I called for Darry and handed him the phone, announcing for everyone to hear,

"It's that girl from your lunch date today."

I winked and he grabbed the phone, flicking me hard enough on the head that I yelled out.

Then it was him laughing, and I could hear Ali laughing on the other end, as well.

"_Who _is it?"

"Darry had a _lunch date_?"

Pony and Soda both asked their questions at the same time.

"It's Alison, you idiots! I didn't think you guys were _that_ gullible."

Pony threw a pillow at me, but I ducked and it hit the lamp next to the couch, almost knocking it to the floor before Darry grabbed it with his free hand, shooting Pony a look that made me laugh. Pony glared at me, I glared back, and with a start he was off, chasing me out the door into the front yard. My plan was to make it all the way around the house and then run back in the front door, locking him out, but he was just too much faster than I was, and before I even made it a quarter of the way around, he had tackled me and was preparing to pin me down and make me holler uncle.

I knew exactly what his plans were, all along, but the second his hands were around my wrists, my mind immediately reverted to Steve, holding my hands back over my head, his weight pinning me down. I _knew_ it wasn't Steve; I knew it was Ponyboy, but my subconscious apparently didn't care. It equated my hands being held down with an act of aggression, and, before I knew it, I was screaming bloody murder at him to get off of me - to let me go. I was crazed to get him off of me.

At first, he must have thought I was just kidding, because for a minute he continued to hold me down, forcefully, despite my struggling. Finally, the genuine fear in my voice, along with the fact that Darry had come running from our house and both Ben and Kevin had emerged from theirs must have hit him, and he heard my yelling for what it was: true fear. He immediately released me, jumping off and sitting down next to me, his hand on my back, leaning over me to try to find my face, which was already covered by my hands in the middle of my balled up body.

"I'm sorry, Scout, I forgot. I just forgot."

I wasn't crying. I _was_ shaking like a leaf, and my heart was about to explode out of my chest, and I couldn't breathe, but I _wasn't crying_. I saw that as some sort of progress, at least.

"Jesus, Pony, what the hell did you do to her?" Darry was kneeling next to me, trying to pry me out of my fetal position.

"I just tackled her, and was gonna pin her down and tickle her. Same thing we've done to her since she was born, practically."

"I'm okay," I lied.

"No, you're _not_, but c'mon, sit up." Darry pulled me up into a sitting position. Soda had slowly made his way outside by then, and as I looked up into the faces of all three brothers, as well as Ben and Kevin, I felt completely, immeasurably stupid. My brother play-wrestling with me had caused me to scream like a banshee, bringing out half the neighborhood in an absolute panic.

"I'm _really_ sorry, you guys," I said, my voice shaking nearly as much as my hands.

"No, _I'm_ really sorry," Pony said. "I just totally forgot. That was stupid of me. I didn't mean to scare you. I actually can't believe I _did_ scare you like that. I mean, you _knew_ it was me, Scout. You know I would never really hurt you. At least I _hope_ you do…"

"I know. It wasn't your fault, Pony. I can't explain it… It's just… my _hands_. Having my hands pinned down, I just…" I didn't finish. I didn't want to talk about that night anymore, because every time it seemed like it had started to fade the tiniest bit from my memory, something brought it all rushing back.

"You don't have to explain it, baby," Darry said, kneading my shoulder, and adding quietly, "I'll never forget those bruises." I looked down at my wrists, half-expecting to see them again, the purplish marks trailing halfway up my forearms. Darry saw me looking, and took my hand, pulling me up to standing. I allowed him to pull me into a sideways-hug.

"Jesus Christ," Soda muttered. I hated it so much that it had been his closest friend that had hurt me, because, I swear, it felt like he had hurt Soda every bit as much as he had me. I saw him ask Pony for a cigarette and knew he was upset.

"I'm okay, Soda, really." Darry had released me from his hug but was still rubbing my back. I had stopped shaking, pretty much.

"I'm sorry," I said, turning to Kevin and Ben. "I guess that must have sounded pretty dramatic. I didn't mean to scare anybody. But thanks for running to my rescue, anyway." Kevin laughed.

"I'm just glad we saw it was only Ponyboy before we laid into him," Kevin said. I realized that, in the dark, they wouldn't have been able to see who I was screaming at. I was glad they had figured it out; if they had hurt Pony I would have felt awful.

"I appreciate it, too, guys," Darry said. "It's nice to know the neighbors are looking out for us."

"Oh, c'mon Darry, you know we've got your back," Kevin said.

"Same goes for you guys," Darry said, punching him good-naturedly on the shoulder as Kevin turned and headed back to his house. Darry turned to me.

"Let's go inside, huh?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ben staring at me and could tell he wanted to talk to me.

"You go ahead. I just want to talk to Ben for a minute. I'll be right in, okay?"

Darry looked at me skeptically, trying to figure out if he should leave me. He must have decided yes.

"Just a couple minutes, okay? I don't want you out here in the dark alone."

"I'm not alone," I said, motioning to Soda and Pony, who had relocated to the front porch and were sitting there, smoking.

"Alright. Five minutes. And don't make me come get you."

"I won't."

Darry gave my shoulder a squeeze and headed inside, stopping to talk to Soda and Pony and, no doubt, telling them to spy on me.

Ben took my hand and led me over to sit on some cinderblocks Soda had been using to hold up an engine while he and Steve had been working on it a few months before. The engine had disappeared, but the cinderblocks never had.

We sat down and Ben looked over at me. I waited.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked.

"Yeah, now I am. I just… getting my hands pinned… I can't handle it. It's just… too scary, because I can't fight back."

"You know I would never do something that scared you like that, right? I didn't know… until now. I mean, any thing that I know scares you, I would never do it."

"I know."

"You scared _me_," he said. "When you were yelling… I've never heard you sound so terrified. I mean, I knew what happened to you was bad – that he _hurt_ you - but I guess I never thought about how much he really scared you."

"A lot. He scared me _a lot_, Ben."

There was a long silence, while he thought about his response. What he came up with didn't surprise me.

"I'm sorry." It was easy to tell from his tone that he truly was.

"I know. Thanks." He put his hand on my cheek and turned my face to his, pressing his lips against mine and rubbing his hand gently up and down against the back of my neck as he kissed me.

"_Samantha Scout Curtis! Put your hands up where I can see 'em!_" I was startled into breaking the kiss. It was Soda, trying to embarrass me, which he did. I had actually forgotten for a second that the boys were watching.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"That's okay," Ben replied. I'd better go inside anyway, I'm supposed to clean up the kitchen before my mom gets home. We have a whole summer anyway, right?" He squeezed my hand.

"Right," I said, standing up. "'Night Ben."

"'Night."

I walked up the porch to a giggling Pony and a playing-it-straight Soda.

"Grow up, you two," I said, as I walked between the two of them, feeling my cheeks flush, straight through the door. I could hear them burst out into full-fledged laughter as I passed from the living room to the kitchen.

Darry took one look at my face from where he was standing at the counter and knew what had happened.

"Boys… they just take a while to grow up. Ignore them," he advised.

"I did."

He glanced over my shoulder at the doorway and looked back at me. He just had that look on his face, like he was going to say something big, and didn't want the boys walking in on him.

"Scout?"

"Yeah?"

"If you needed something… I mean, if you were really hurting, or scared, would you tell me?"

"Darry…"

"Scout, just answer me. Please?"

I didn't know what to say.

"I'm worried. Because you definitely are not _done_… dealing with… what happened. I just feel like I should be doing something; doing _more_, to make you feel safe again - to get better. But I don't know what to do."

"You're doing good, Darry. Really. I don't know what else you can do." Switching my bedroom to between my brothers' was a good idea; beyond that I just didn't know how someone "got over" something so bad happening to them.

"I still think you need to talk to somebody."

"What?"

"_Talk_ to somebody, tell them what you aren't telling the rest of us. You have nothing to be ashamed of, baby, but I know you don't want to talk to us about it. But I think you need to talk to _somebody_."

"I did," I said. "I told Soda." I remembered that night, in the car, telling him through tears what had happened. A rite of passage in a way I hadn't even understood at the time. Maybe it had been finally telling that story that had sent me onto the path toward womanhood.

"You did?" he sounded relieved.

"He asked me… He wanted me to tell - he just wanted to know, so he could maybe feel like he knew what happened to Sandy, a little. So... I told him." I was staring at the floor where it met the base of the cabinets.

"Scout, I…"

"If you need me to tell you, Darry, I..."

"I don't," he interrupted. "I need you to do what helps you get better. It isn't about what I need. I just want you to get what _you_ need."

"I don't know what that is, Darry. I don't know what I need. Really. I just wish it would go away."

"I wish that for you too, then. But… promise me something?" He wasn't usually one to ask me for promises.

"Okay."

"If you _do_ need something, you'll tell me?"

"I promise."

"I want you happy, Scout."

I walked over to him, putting my arms around his waist and leaning my head against his chest, so I could hear his heart beating through his shirt.

"Me too, Darry. Me too."

..................................

**A/N: Huh. This chapter took a totally different direction than expected. I guess Scout just had more to deal with than I had been planning to write. Hope it was okay.**


	11. The Letter

Later that night, I was sitting in my room loosely sketching a picture of our house. I was trying to do it from memory, but it was harder than I would have thought. It's funny how, when you see something every day, after a while you don't really _see_ it anymore. I was struggling to remember whether there were six or eight panes in the window in my parents' bedroom (Darry was right, it would always be _their_ bedroom, regardless of who was sleeping in it) when there was a knock on my door.

"Yeah, come in." I figured it would be Darry telling me to go to bed. I didn't have to get up early anymore, but _he_ still did, and I don't think he liked going to sleep unless he knew the rest of us were in bed, too. I was wrong, though. It wasn't Darry, it was Ponyboy.

He sat down on my bed and looked at my picture.

"The doorknob's on the right," he said, pointing to the front door in my drawing. "Pretty good, though."

"Thanks. I wish I could draw like you." I swear, Pony had a photographic memory; he was always remembering the tiniest details about stuff none of the rest of us even noticed.

"Eh, I'm not that good, either," he said, which was laughable. His talent for art was undeniable. He looked a little uncomfortable, and I attributed it to the episode earlier in the evening.

"I'm not mad at you, Pony. I know you didn't mean to scare me, before."

"Good, because I didn't. I can see how that would be scary, though, with your hands pinned down. I should have thought… I just forgot. I really am sorry."

"I know. I'm okay. Really."

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but, just… is there anything else like that, that... makes you remember? Something I could do without knowing it? I just… I don't want to repeat that, doing something I didn't even know would scare you."

So many thoughts were running through my mind… so many things Steve had done. It felt like a big list of Don'ts: Don't pin me against the wall. Don't force your tongue into my mouth. Don't punch me in the stomach, or hold a knife to my throat, or touch my body in places you have no right or permission to be touching. Don't bite me, for Christ's sake, and scare and shame me down to the very core of my being. _Please_, don't do any of these things, my mind was screaming. Most of all: _Don't hurt me. Please, don't.  
_

But I knew that the person sitting on the bed next to me never would do those things. He _never _would, knowingly, hurt me, or scare me in that way. So the list of things I never wanted anyone to ever do to me again stayed inside my head.

"It's complicated, Pony. Some things... I don't even know will make me remember until they happen. I _knew_ what you were going to do to me – you were right, you've been doing that to me since – well, forever. And… I _knew_ you wouldn't hurt me. Just… my brain took over."

"You sure can scream," he said, thoughtfully. _That_ made me smile, for some reason.

"I guess so," I laughed.

"I wish I could have been home, that night, I just wish…"

"It's nobody's fault, Pony. It just happened."

"It's _Steve's_ fault," he corrected me. "And I don't care if he was drunk, or on drugs, or whatever, I'll never forgive him for what he did to you. I mean it. It's just...completely unforgivable."

Strangely enough, the thought of forgiving him had never even entered my mind until Pony said it, just then. I had been putting so much energy into the fear and the shame and the struggling to get past it all, that it had never occurred to me that forgiveness would even be an option. I certainly didn't see it happening any time in the near future, but it seemed, in the grand scheme of things, that that might eventually be necessary in order to ever _really_ move past it.

"Scout, if Ben ever tries anything with you…"

"_Pony!_"

"I'm serious. I mean, he's a guy, and guys just…"

"He wouldn't. _God._ He never would."

"I hope not. I'm just saying. Just, don't ever let him convince you to do something you don't want to do."

"I can't believe you're even saying that."

"Look, just because I'm not girl-crazy doesn't mean I don't know what goes on in guy's heads, okay?"

"Ben is nothing like Steve, Pony. He wouldn't hurt me."

"He'd better not. Because what Steve did pretty much makes me want to kill him. And the fact that it's still scaring and hurting you, so long after… I hate it. I wish we could just take you to a doctor and make you okay again, but I know it's not that easy."

"I don't know, Pone. All I know is... I'm just tired of being scared and mixed up all the time."

"Well, I can't say that I know how you feel, because I don't, but I really hope that you can stop being scared. We're not gonna let anything happen to you. Hopefully switching rooms will help."

"Yeah… Are you really okay with that? Darry being in Mom and Dad's room? I feel like everybody only agreed because of me."

"So what if we did? We want to help you. There's nothing bad about that. You're our baby sister."

I had never heard Pony call me that before, and I grinned. Darry and Soda called me baby all the time, to the point that I didn't even notice anymore, but never Pony.

"_Baby sister?_"

"You are," he said. "I mean, I guess I feel protective of you in a way that's different from Darry or Soda, because you're younger."

I supposed that made sense, in a way, though _being_ the youngest meant that I had nobody of whom to feel protective in that way. It did explain why Darry was so protective of all of us, though, and why Soda was way more protective of me and Pony than he was of Darry, - as if he needed any protecting in the first place.

"I hate seeing you hurt. I mean, it actually makes me feel physically sick."

"I don't like seeing any of you guys get hurt, either. That fight scared the life out of me. I know that if anything happens to Darry, I'll end up in a foster home."

"So will I."

"I know. Do you worry about it?"

"Sometimes. Seems sometimes like we've got enough things to worry about that we could worry ourselves right into the grave."

"I know. Funny, huh? Most kids our age think their parents having a fight or having a pimple or getting grounded is the end of the world."

"Yeah, I guess our world view _is _a little different," Pony agreed.

"I'm glad I don't have to go through it all alone," I admitted.

"Me too... We may not be perfect, but at least we have each other."

"Yeah." I couldn't argue with that one.

"Scout?" Darry was suddenly outside my door.

"Yeah, come in." He opened the door and looked surprised to see Pony sitting there with me. Darry was far more accustomed to the eleven years of constant bickering that Pony and I had shared than the mutual understanding that we had more recently discovered for each other.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, everything's cool," Pony answered. "Let me guess, you want us to get to bed, right?"

"That would be nice," he said. "Some of us _do_ have to work in the morning."

"Soda asleep?' Pony asked.

"Yup. Been in bed for an hour. Try not to wake him up, okay? I don't think he's sleeping all that well."

"Okay. Night, Scout." Pony ducked under Darry's arm that held him propped up against the doorway and headed down to his room.

"What were you two talking about, anyway?" Darry asked.

"Just… stuff. He felt bad about what happened outside."

"I figured he would. You set him straight?"

"Yeah," I laughed. He came over and sat on the edge of my bed.

"You think you'll be okay tonight? After all that?"

"I hope so."

"Well, you know you can come get me, right? I won't be mad."

"I know."

He looked at me like he was trying to decide whether or not to believe my answer. He suddenly looked so much like my Dad I almost wanted to cry. I had to look down.

"Hey, Dar?"

"Yeah?"

"You said before that you had to tell the lawyers tomorrow about going to court… for the accident?"

"Yeah."

"I want to, okay? I want to do it."

"Are you sure? You don't have to, and I mean that. I don't want you to be making a decision based on an unknown amount of money that we may or may not even get. You already have far more than enough stress."

"I won't worry about it, okay? I mean it - I really want to do it. You were right, our accident never even should have happened. People died and everything… me and Soda could have died, even."

"Thank God you didn't."

"So... will you tell them I'll do it?"

"Okay. But… _no _stressing about it. It's not supposed to be a stressful thing. None of us did anything wrong; all you have to do is tell the truth about the green light."

"Okay."

"Alright, you sleep tight, okay? I'll let you sleep in the morning, so I'll see you after work."

"Okay… Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for including me and Pony in the family discussion. It means a lot."

He smiled at me.

"Yeah, I know. You were right about you two needing to be included. Our family is four, not two. So, you're welcome. Night Scout."

"Night, Darry."

………………………………….

I slept until almost noon the next day, finally shuffling into the living room in my pajamas to find Pony and Soda watching TV.

"Ah, Sleeping Beauty lives," Soda said, pulling me down on the couch next to him. "You were pretty tired, huh?"

I had been, and I hadn't felt so well rested in as long as I could remember. Sleeping in the morning, knowing that Soda and Pony were both in the house had allowed me to sleep with an ease I hadn't felt in months.

"Just in time for lunch," Pony said, getting up and heading toward the kitchen. "Scout, you're mustard, right?"

"_I'm_ mustard, Pony. She's _mayonnaise!_" Soda laughed, and I had to join in. Someday he would figure it out.

……………………..

Two-Bit came over again in the afternoon and amused us non-stop with his stories about the nurses at the hospital and their "secret feelings" for him. I made pork chops with baked potatoes for dinner, and Darry was in a good mood again when he got home, joking all through supper about the old man whose roof he was working on and how he was trying to recruit Darry as his best friend, even climbing up the ladder to sit on the roof and talk with him while he worked. I could imagine that must have driven Darry nuts; he's not the kind of guy who wants you talking his ear off when he's in the middle of a project.

It was a good day. As much as I mourned for how things had been at the start of the previous summer, things were feeling, well, almost okay. After dinner we all watched TV together, kidding around and just being… _us_. We laughed at each other and bickered with each other, but there was a feeling present, a sense of us being bound together as a team, a feeling that had been lacking for a while, in my mind, anyway. Then again, maybe I had just been too removed from everything to be able to sense it. I felt included again, rather than being on the outside looking in.

I fell asleep easily, and slept dreamlessly through the night.

…………………

I awoke to rain pounding against my window, looked at my clock and, seeing six-forty five, immediately turned over and went back to sleep, thinking how, since it was raining, Darry would be home. Daylight, and all three brothers were in the house. I slept again, completely devoid of fear.

When I awoke next, my clock read nine-thirty. It was no longer pouring, just drizzling, but I could hear Soda and Darry in the living room and I knew Darry would be in by ten to wake me up. I just lay in bed, awake, listening to them talk, feeling warm and safe, and liking the feeling. Soda was trying to convince Darry to take him back out to Muskogee so he could look at the wreckage of his car and see for himself if it could be salvaged.

"Soda, that car was worth nothing to begin with. Just save up again and buy another wreck. I can't help you out, but maybe you can get Pony to quit smoking … that'll be a couple bucks extra a week."

I'd been right, Soda _was_ Pony's cigarette supplier.

"You don't have to go, Darry, just let me take the truck, I'll drop you off at work."

"Soda, you're on pain medication. You're not taking the truck anywhere."

"Dar, I won't take one. I just want…" The doorbell rang, cutting him off.

I heard the door open and Soda talking, then:

"Thanks, Sam." Our new mailman was quite the overachiever, he actually rang the doorbell and handed over the mail if someone was home, rather than just sticking it through the slot. I heard Soda going through the pile.

"Bill, bill, bill… uh oh."

"What?"

"Guardian of Samantha Curtis. And it's thick."

I felt sick. That's how everything from Social Services was always addressed, with my real name and "guardian of." A thick envelope? What did they want now?

"Give it here." I heard Darry rip it open.

"Oh, shit. No way."

"What? What, Darry? Jesus, what's wrong?" Soda expressed the panic I felt.

"I totally forgot."

"Oh, man..." Soda must have been reading whatever it was. "She's gonna hate us. I didn't even… I forgot, too."

I wanted to bury myself in my bed and never come out, hiding from whatever that letter said, but, in the same way, I needed to know. Whatever it was, it had Darry and Soda upset, and Darry had promised that, from now on, we would face things as a family. I wish that could have prepared myself for the sight of their faces as I stood in the living room door and they turned to face me.

"Oh my God, Scout," Darry said, "I just didn't think... I forgot."

"We're so sorry, baby." Soda looked like he was about to cry. Crap, did we all have a meeting or something with Social Services and they'd forgotten? Would I get taken away just because of that?

I steeled myself for the bad news, whatever it might be. It just seemed like it was always something. It was obvious from Darry and Soda's expressions that they felt horrible about whatever it was, and obvious from the address on the letter that iit involved me.

"What is it? What happened?"

Darry and Soda both looked at me, but neither one spoke.

"Please," I begged, quietly, "Whatever it is, just tell me."

Soda looked down at the papers in his hand and drew in a breath, preparing to deliver whatever the latest batch of bad news contained.

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**A/N: That was mean, I know. Sorry. I'll try to update soon. :-) I've had a bunch of new readers lately, starting way back at Epiphany, so I thank you if some of you are recommending my story! I really appreciate it! **


	12. The Guilt

**A/N: Whoa. I didn't think I was being _that_ mean! But I guess a good old cliffhanger certainly lets you know who's reading when the mad reviews start coming in! :-) Well, hopefully I won't stress people out TOO much this time! Enjoy, and thanks for the feedback!**

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Everyone was frozen in time, the tension hanging in the air between us all, practically blurring my vision. I struggled to see my brothers clearly, panic rising in me like a fever.

"We totally forgot…" Soda started.

"_What?_ What did you forget? God, you're scaring me to death. _What_?"

"Your graduation," Darry said. "We just forgot about it. Why didn't you say something?"

"The state cares about my eighth grade graduation? They're upset at us about _that_?" Were they kidding? I was in trouble for skipping a stupid graduation that meant nothing? Seriously?

"What are you talking about? Who said anything about the state?" Now Darry sounded even more concerned.

"Guardian of Samantha Curtis?" That's how the state sends you stuff about me. I heard Soda read the address."

"It's not from the state, baby. It's from school. We missed your graduation. They had to mail us all your awards, we didn't even get to see you get them." Soda handed me the envelope and I pulled out what was sandwiched between cardboard: History Award, English Award, Foreign Language Award. I was not surprised that there was no Math Award. The other two things in the envelope were a Junior Honor Society certificate, and, last but not least, a Varsity Letter. There had never before been varsity letters awarded to eighth grade girls at our school; me, Anna, and the two other eighth graders on the basketball were the first.

I collapsed backwards on the couch with relief, practically yelling at them.

"Are you kidding me? You're stressing about my stupid _graduation_? God, you guys just practically gave me a heart attack, thinking we screwed something up with the state! You forgot about my graduation... big deal! I didn't even care about it!"

"It _is_ a big deal," Darry said. "It was a big deal for the rest of us, and it should have been for you, too." He looked terribly guilt-ridden.

"It's dumb," I said. "It's not like I'm done with school, I'm just going to another building, right across campus."

"Scout, you won awards. You earned a letter, for God's sake. It _is_ a big deal. You must know that, because you had to go to every single graduation or awards ceremony that any of the rest of us ever had."

He was right about that. Lord knows, I had been to every school or athletic related event that any brother had been involved in, because I was always too young to be left home alone.

"I didn't care about it, Darry. I didn't even want to go."

"Why? You have so much to be proud of. Why don't you want anyone to know about that? Mom and Dad would have been so proud, baby. I swear, it would kill them all over again to know that we completely missed this."

"That's why," I answered him softly.

"_What's_ why?" Soda asked.

"Last year, I went to Pony's graduation with both of you, and Mom and Dad… I know how proud we all were of him… I just… I didn't want to think about it, this year, that they were gone. That they're not here this year, for me."

"Scout, you can't just ignore all of the important things in your life because Mom and Dad won't be there. I _hate_ it, that you got cheated – and that they did, too, not getting to see you grow up and graduate. It isn't fair. And I know we can't take their place. But… _God_, we should have been there for this. They would have wanted you to go, Scout, to be proud of yourself, and all your hard work. Hell, you earned a letter! I didn't letter in football until my sophomore year! I can't believe you let us miss this. Do you really think we don't care?"

I should have figured the varsity letter would be a big deal to Darry. He definitely believed in the value of sports. I actually felt bad. I definitely hadn't thought they would be so upset about it.

Pony came wandering out of his bedroom, hearing all the commotion.

"What's going on?" he asked, realizing this discussion was a fairly serious one.

"We totally missed Scout's graduation," Soda said. "Why didn't you remind us, Pony?"

"To be honest… I forgot," he admitted, looking kind of surprised and sad himself. "I forget now that since she got put up last year, that school stuff happens for her the year _after_ me, not two years apart, like our ages… how it used to be."

"It's okay, Pony," I said. " I guess… I didn't know you guys thought it was that important. I guess I figured if you thought it was a big deal you would have remembered it."

"I kinda forgot you got put up a year, too" Soda said. "I was thinking the same as Pony, that you'd have graduation two years after Pony, not the next year."

"It's okay, you guys, really. Don't feel bad about it. I'm not upset that I missed it."

"We'll make it up to you, I swear," Darry said. "We'll think of something."

"You don't have to."

"We want to. And look, I know we have a lot going on around here, but when stuff like this is going on, you _have_ to tell us. We'll make time to be there. Mom and Dad always did for us, and Soda and I want to, for you, and Pony, too. Family comes first."

I had never thought about it before, but Darry was right. Dad always made time to be there for all our important games and events. Having four of us must have meant a lot of overtime to make up for all the work he missed being there for us. But he'd never complained about it.

"Okay, Darry. Now I know. I will. And... I'm sorry."

"Girl, _you_ don't get to be sorry about this, this was our mess-up," Darry said, dead serious. "Everybody go get yourselves cleaned up, we're going out for lunch, in honor of Scout and all her awards."

"You don't have to, Darry."

"I insist," he said. "Call Ben, he can come, too."

I felt slightly guilty – eating out was an extravagance we rarely could afford - and I was pretty sure that we _definitely_ couldn't afford it with Soda not working for a month, but the second I even hinted at a protest, Darry hushed me up.

"No arguments." His tone implied that his decision was final. "You earned it."

"Okay." I knew it was futile to argue with him when he set his mind to something.

So Ben and Two-Bit came over and we all went out - to Angelo's, at my request - so Anna could eat with us. Plus, I was buying Darry a little more Alison time, even though he was already taking her out that night and he'd agreed to let me go to the movies with Anna, as well.

At one point during lunch, Mr. Harvey asked about me not being at graduation. Darry made a joke about me finally managing to skip a day of school without him knowing, but I could tell it was killing him that he had missed it. It was another of those things that ate away at my heart, knowing I had unintentionally hurt his feelings by not letting him do something he felt that, as my guardian, he should have. I hated that he was second-guessing himself so often, when, in fact, he was doing such a good job of raising us. I squeezed his knee under the table and when he looked over at me, I tried to tell him without words that there really, truly were no hard feelings on my part.

After lunch, Two-Bit and Ben hung around at the house for a while, Ben shooting baskets outside with me, and Two-Bit taking full advantage of the opportunity to harass Darry about his date for the evening. When Ben headed back home, as the late afternoon sun made it just too hot for any more basketball, I could hear Two-Bit grating away at Darry as I came in the back door and poured a glass of water.

"You know, Darry, what the girls really like is when you tell them you like their shoes. Yup, that's a surefire free pass to second base, at least, every time." He looked up and saw me in the doorway.

"Oh… hey there, Scooter, your big brother and I were just talking about… baseball, y' know? How 'bout those …. Cowboys, huh?" He obviously reached for the first team name he could come up with, which I knew was a football team, not baseball. Darry sat in the armchair, shaking his head at him sitting there on the couch.

"Yeah, well, I think I better get goin', my mom's probably expectin' me." Two-Bit hobbled over to the door on his crutches.

"You're gonna walk, Two-Bit?" He only lived about a quarter of a mile away, but still, on crutches…? I knew it would take him forever.

"Yeah, I can use the exercise." _That_ was funny. Two-Bit hated all exercise except football, and occasionally he indulged in a few minutes of shooting baskets with me and Ben. But walking around town definitely wasn't something he was fond of, especially in the heat.

"Cut the B.S., Two-Bit, you ain't walkin' anywhere." Darry grabbed his keys and headed out the door after him. "I'll be back in a few."

I could hear him lecturing Two-Bit on the way to the truck about being a little more aware of what ears might be listening in before he started in with his dirty talk. I guess Darry wasn't aware that the same kind of talk happened at the junior high all the time, though most of it was just that - talk. Although, Anna had been taking things pretty far with her latest crush, a sophomore football player whose older brother was on the boy's basketball team. I was sure I'd get to hear all about it that night, since she had told me at lunch that she had "things to tell me about when we were alone." Darry had eyed her suspiciously when he heard that, but seemed to have forgotten about it since.

While Darry was gone, Soda and I started dinner. It was so hot that we really had no desire to slave over the stove, so we ended up making tuna sandwiches. This was the one sandwich we all liked exactly the same way: toasted, with cheese on one side, lettuce on the other, and pickles on the side. It was the pickles that made the meal.

We all sat down to eat, even Darry, despite the fact that he was taking Alison out to dinner. I swear, my brothers were never full. They could eat ten meals a day and, yet, still, if given the chance, have room for more. I admit to enjoying a good meal, but I definitely was not the reason our food bills were astronomical and yet we still always seemed to be running out of everything.

The boys took great pleasure in taking up where Two-Bit had left off, telling Darry to make sure he brushed his teeth really well, since no girl wants to make out with a guy with tuna and pickle breath. I mostly held back. I just never felt quite right about teasing Darry, I figured he had enough to deal with without his pesky charges giving him a hard time about what seemed like one of the only non-stressful things he had going for him: namely, Alison.

I think he was relieved to be rid of the boys as we rode over to Anna's place. I have to admit, I kind of enjoyed the quiet too. Our house can get really loud sometimes, and you don't fully notice it until you finally get some quiet time.

Mr. Harvey sent us up the stairs and Alison met us at the door. She looked so pretty, and I wondered whether Darry would take Two-Bit's advice about her shoes. They were nice, but nothing all that special. I only had a second to think about it, though, because Anna already had me by the arm and was dragging me into her bedroom.

"Scout?" Darry called after me.

"Yeah?"

"Use your manners," he said, "and be good."

"I will," I replied.

Honestly, I had no intentions of being anything but good. Sometimes, though, as I would find out later, things just don't go the way you think they will.


	13. The Choice

Anna pulled me into her room and sat me down on her bed. She looked like she was up to something.

"I got something for you," she said, reaching into her closet and hiding something behind her back.

"Okay…?" Anna's surprises could sometimes be…unexpected.

"Ta-da!" she produced a beer bottle from behind her back. "I got a few for each of us."

I couldn't believe she'd think I actually wanted a beer, knowing full-well what had happened to me the last - and only - time I'd tried it.

"That was nice of you, Anna, but I think I'll pass."

"Aw, c'mon Scout! It's summer! Live a little! It'll loosen you up for tonight!" I wasn't sure why I needed to be "loosened up" to go see a movie, but she popped off the cap and handed it to me anyway.

"Anna, I really don't…"

"You'll thank me later." She took a healthy swig of her own and sat down next to me. I pretended to take a sip of the beer as she watched, and set it down on the bedside table, fully intending to empty it out the open window the second she left me alone in the room. Just the smell of it, as I raised it to my face, had made me practically want to throw up. I felt like I would forever equate the smell and taste of beer with the way Steve had tasted that night as he forced himself on me. I felt sick, and quickly changed the subject.

"What time is the movie?"

"Seven-thirty. We have to go down to the shop at ten past, and my Dad will drive us." I looked at the clock. Six forty-five. Twenty-five minutes to kill.

"Want me to do your makeup?" I noticed Anna was wearing more eyeshadow than was really necessary for any thirteen year old - or anyone, for that matter. She may have been only a year older than I was, but in terms of experience with boys, beer and makeup, she was years ahead.

"Not if it's gonna look like last time." No way was I gonna be seen in public looking all tramped-out like she made me look the last time.

"I'll tone it down a little, okay? C'mon, let me do it! You'll turn all the guys' heads tonight!"

"Okay," I finally agreed, seeing my opportunity to dispose of the beer. She went out to the bathroom to get Alison's makeup bag, and I quickly dumped it out the open window. Luckily, her bedroom window just opened into an alley. As a matter of fact, it was the alley Darry and Alison regularly ducked down to kiss.

"Okay, let's get you all spiffed up," she said, returning just as I was sitting back down on the bed. I pretended to drink from the empty bottle and set it back on the table. I wasn't sure why I bothered to fake it; I just didn't feel like defending my _not_ drinking.

Anna watched and smiled.

"See, I told you you'd thank me! I'll turn you into a proper rebellious teenager yet, you'll see."

I wasn't so sure that was who I wanted to be, but I didn't say anything.

After fifteen minutes or so, Anna allowed me to check out her handiwork in the mirror. It wasn't nearly as bad as the last time, and, after I wiped a bit off of my eyes, I was willing to be seen in public with it on.

"Makes you look older," she said. I wasn't sure I really wanted to look older, but figured leaving it on for the movies wouldn't hurt. Heck, it was dark in there anyway. I could always wash it off before Darry got back to pick me up. I was surprised to see her reach behind her back, producing another bottle of beer out of the closet and opening it.

"_Anna!_" I eyed her questioningly. Was she serious? How "loosened up" was she planning to be for this movie, exactly?

"What, it's not like I'm gonna be driving, or something!" I just stared at her. I was in nowhere near the all-fired hurry that she was to grow up.

"Shouldn't we go downstairs soon?" I asked. It was five past seven.

"Yeah, as soon as I finish this," she said, taking another huge swig from the bottle.

"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom before we go, then," I said, excusing myself. I used the bathroom and then stood and stared at myself in the mirror for a minute. I guessed I did look older, but I didn't really look like _me_. Something about it just felt wrong. I almost washed it off, but decided not to hurt Anna's feelings, since she was so proud of the job she'd done, so I ended up leaving it.

"Gum?" Anna held out a stick for me as I came out of the bathroom. I had been wondering how she got away with drinking beer without anyone smelling it on her breath. Gum. Clever. I wished I'd had gum the night I'd gotten drunk, maybe Steve wouldn't have figured it out.

We went downstairs, where Mr. Harvey hollered a few instructions to the guys in the kitchen then followed us out to the car. I was surprised when he dropped us off at the movie house and turned and said to Anna:

"Now, you sure you're all set for a ride home?"

"Yup. Rachel's Dad is gonna drive both me and Scout home. I left Ali a note, but if she doesn't see it when they get back, just tell Darry that Scout is already home."

"Okay. Well, call the shop if there's any trouble. Have fun, girls," he said, and pulled away from the curb. I looked over at Anna.

"You didn't tell me Rachel was coming." She was a mutual friend of ours from school, but we had never really hung out together.

"That's because she isn't," Anna answered, taking my hand and leading me down the street in the opposite direction of the ticket booth.

"Where are we going?" I pulled my hand away from her grip. "What's going on, Anna? We're gonna miss the movie."

"I know. I got something _better_ than a movie planned. It's summer now, and I plan to have a good time. A _really_ good time."

"What are you talking about?" She turned the corner into the space between the movie house and the pharmacy.

"We're going to a party! A _high school_ party!" she said, practically jumping up and down with excitement.

"What? _Whose_ party?" I didn't like where this was going.

"Eddy's. Well… okay, Eddy's brother's." Eddy was her latest love interest, the one about whom I'd assumed she had some kind of juicy information she wanted to share with me during the course of the evening.

"Anna, I don't even _know_ him. No _way_ would Darry let me go to a party at his house."

"See, that's the beauty of it. Darry will never know. Eddy's gonna pick us up, then he'll drop us both off at home later. We just go to bed, and nobody's ever the wiser." She giggled, and I found myself wondering if she'd started drinking beer before I even got to her house. She was talking way too fast and was leaning up against the wall in a way that made it seem like without the support, she might fall.

"Anna, I don't think I should be sneaking around. I mean, I finally got Darry trusting me, he would kill me."

"I'm telling you, there's no way he's gonna find out. It's a foolproof plan." She giggled some more.

"Look, Anna, things aren't quite as simple around my house as they are in yours. We can't screw up. _I _can't screw up, or I'm never gonna be allowed to go anywhere."

"_Fine_, then, don't come! I was just trying to do you a favor, get you some excitement for a change." She turned to walk away but stumbled and reached out a hand to steady herself, leaning back up against the wall.

"I know, Anna. I just… I _can't_." I was so worried about screwing up, about Darry finding out and thinking I was sneaking around behind his back. It just wasn't worth it to me.

"I said, _fine_. I _get _it. Go to the movie. I'll call you tomorrow and tell you about all the fun you missed!" She was mad, and as I was trying to think of how to get her to really understand why I couldn't go, Eddy pulled up in his car with two other guys.

"Hey, baby," he called Anna over, and she stumbled to the car. I followed. Anna hopped in the front and she was immediately handed yet another beer, which she eagerly accepted and started drinking.

"C'mon Scout… hop in." I was surprised the guy knew my name - Anna must have told him I was coming. I hadn't ever really seen him before, except for a quick view of the back of his head while he and Anna were making out in the parking lot on the first day of exams, while Kevin and I sat on his car.

"Thanks, but… I can't," I said, watching Anna downing the beer while plastering herself all over him. I admit, kissing Ben was pretty nice, but I was pretty horrified at what she was doing. I would never have done such things, certainly not in public.

"Why not? I'll take you home - we know you girls got curfews. C'mon, it's gonna be fun. Danny got two kegs. And his friend's got a band playing." I knew enough about this kid to know that Danny was his older brother, from the boys' basketball team.

"I appreciate the offer, really, but my family, well… I could get in big trouble for not being where I'm supposed to be." Anna laughed and threw down her empty bottle to the floor of the front seat. She was immediately handed another one from one of the boys in the back seat.

"She's just chickenshit," Anna said, still mad. "She doesn't want to get in trouble with her big brother," she mocked. "She'd rather watch a movie."

"You _know_ why I can't go, Anna," I said quietly, trying not to get angry in return, knowing that was partly the beer talking.

"You won't get caught, I swear," Eddy promised. "Come on, Scout, _you _of all people deserve some fun." I wondered what he meant by that. I sometimes forgot that everything that had happened to my family had been public record. Strangers knew about all the crap we'd been through. Everybody thought they _knew_ us, just because of what they'd read in the paper.

I was watching Eddy as his hand was rubbing Anna's thigh, coming dangerously close to places it shouldn't be. She was laughing and falling all over him, and suddenly it occurred to me what could happen to her at this party. My stomach clenched and I almost had to cover my mouth, thinking again that I might be sick.

I looked this Eddy character in the eyes and knew immediately that I didn't trust him. Here he was, taking her off to his _house_, where two kegs of beer awaited them, and Anna already had a four-beer head start. I was scared for her, for what he might do to her when she couldn't fight back.

At that moment, I realized I had a choice to make. I could stay at the movies, and not have to worry about upsetting Darry or getting caught doing anything bad – or, I could go with Anna and make sure that the same thing that had happened to me didn't happen to her.

The choice was clear. If I could possibly prevent what Steve had tried to do to me from happening to somebody else I cared about, and I _didn't_, I would never forgive myself. As I watched Eddy's hand heading up the back of Anna's shirt, and saw the disconnected look in her eyes, my mind was made up. I would have to explain it to Darry later. No _way_ was I gonna let Anna get hurt and scared like I had been. I took a deep breath and opened the car door.

"Let's go," I said, hoping for the best as I climbed into the back seat with two complete strangers.

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**A/N: Thanks for reviewing, readers. You make my day/night :-)**


	14. The Party

Eddy pulled up to his house and I knew right away that I was way out of my element. The house was lit up like a Christmas tree, music pouring out every open window, and there were people scattered about the front yard, in various states of sobriety, most of them far older and better dressed than I was.

He pulled right up to the door and walked around to open the door for Anna, who, by this point, was laughing inappropriately at everything anybody said, in addition to having some trouble walking on her own. As Eddy helped her into the house, it seemed that he pretty much took every possible opportunity to touch her, and not in ways that seemed at all permissible to me.

The second we entered the house, he sat her down on the couch and disappeared, returning in a few minutes with a beer for each of them. I sat in a chair facing them, my mind racing with thoughts of how in the world I could possibly get us both out of this situation without being in serious trouble. Eddy sat down next to Anna and wasted no time in locking his lips against hers, encouraging her all the while to keep drinking. I wanted to pull him off of her, or to say something about the fact that he was taking advantage of a drunk thirteen year-old, but I knew I likely wouldn't make even the slightest impact. I got up and headed for the kitchen counter, where I had spotted a phone. I wanted nothing more than to call Darry and have him come get me and Anna both, and take us both away from this party. Unfortunately, I knew Darry was out with Alison, and, as usual, he hadn't been willing to share any details about where they were going.

I dialed my own house anyway, praying that Soda and Sandy had stayed in rather than going out – _totally_ against Darry's rules - and that they would actually bother to answer the phone. Pony had gone out to the movies - the drive-in, with some track friends. We had all been glad to see him going out, it was a pretty rare occurrence after all that had happened over the past nine months.

The phone rang and rang. No answer. Crap. I hung up and dialed Ben's house. Maybe Kevin could come get us.

The phone rang and rang at his house, too, though, as people lined up behind me, urging me to get off the phone.

"Isn't it a little late for you to be out all alone, honey?" a girl who must have been a senior asked, blowing cigarette smoke in my face. I glared at her as I hung up.

"Hey, you're the little one from the basketball team, aren't you?" I didn't recognize the girl who said that, but she clearly knew who I was. She looked vaguely familiar, maybe she was a cheerleader.

"Yeah, _so?_" I had no desire for smalltalk with anyone at this party. I just wanted out. Fast.

"Looks like your friend's having fun," she motioned with her chin over my shoulder.

I looked over and saw Eddy practically lying on Anna. I handed off the phone and ran over to intercede.

"So… Eddy… what are you doing this summer?" I asked, forcing him to peel himself away from Anna, who, cup full of beer still in her hand and making regular visits to her mouth, had lost all capability for coherent conversation.

"Eh… I gotta do summer school. I'll pass, though. No staying back for me."

Immediately, his comment made me think of Two-Bit. _He_ would definitely help me out. God, please…let Two-Bit be home, I prayed, as I headed back over to the phone, warning Eddy to keep his hands to himself. I knew he couldn't drive but… he'd find a way to have somebody come get me. I was sure that he wouldn't just leave me stranded.

I had to wait for about five other people to use the phone before me, but, finally back at the front of the line again, I dialed Two-Bit's house, hoping beyond hope that he would pick up. I didn't call him very often, only on the rare occasion that I was looking for Soda or Darry and thought they might be at his house, but his number was burned into my memory from looking at the phone list next to our kitchen phone. As it rang, I watched out of the corner of my eye as Eddy got up again, leaving Anna propped up against the corner of the couch, going to get the two of them yet _another_ beer.

Much to my relief, somebody picked up at Two-Bit's house. Unfortunately, it wasn't him; it was his sister.

"Hi… Katie?"

"Yeah, who's this?"

"It's Scout Curtis. Is your brother there?"

"You're kidding, right? On a Friday night?" I guess Katie was getting some of Two-Bit's sense of humor.

I hated to resort to this, but…

"How about your mom? Is she home?"

"No, she works Friday nights."

"You're home _alone_?" I never got left home alone at her age. At the most, she was… what..? Ten, maybe? I hardly even got left home alone at twelve.

"Yeah, _so?_" I guess, in the Mathews household, the criteria for staying home alone were different than those in the Curtis household.

"Listen, can you leave a message for Two-Bit to call and ask for me at this number as soon as he gets home? It's _really_ important, Katie… it's practically an emergency."

"Okay, Scout, _geez_, I get it."

"Sorry. You ready? Got a pen?"

"Yeah, go ahead." I read her the number off the phone and made her read it back to me.

"Don't forget, okay, Katie? If you go to bed before he gets back, leave it where he can see it, dig?"

"Scout, I know I'm not as old as you, but I'm not two."

"I know, Katie… sorry. It's just _really_ important.."

"Bye, Scout."

"Bye."

Okay, well at least now there was hope of _somebody_ finding me, I thought. I just prayed Two-Bit would be sober enough when he got back to help me out. For the moment, I turned my thoughts back to Anna, who was drinking the latest beer Eddy had delivered, her head limp against the armrest of the couch.

I sat down on the opposite armrest, glaring at Eddy.

"Don't you think she's had enough? She can hardly even sit up."

"What are you, her bodyguard?" I could tell from his speech that he wasn't anywhere close to sober, either.

"No, I'm her _friend,_ and I don't like how you're treating her, at all. What happened to you driving her -_ us_ - home?"

"I have a feeling she just _might_ want to spend the night. I'm sure you can get a ride, though, Scout… wouldn't want a little goody-two shoes like you to miss your curfew!" He was mocking me. The goody-two-shoes comment was entirely too reminiscent of Steve, and I immediately felt a hatred for him.

"C'mon, Anna, stand up. We need to talk." I grabbed her by the underarms and pulled her up. She protested with the minute amount of logical thought that remained after all the beer, and then gave up quickly, letting me drag her through the living room to a bedroom I'd seen just off the front hallway. I practically carried her in – no easy task since she had about seven inches and thirty pounds on me - and lay her back on the bed. This must have been the parents' room… it had that telltale parental wallpaper.

"Scout…. What're you doing? We're missing the party!" It took a great deal of effort to figure out what she was saying. I had heard drunk people talk before, but never as drunk as this.

"The party's over, Anna," I said. "Just have a rest."

"Where's Eddy?"

"He's cleaning up," I lied. "Just close your eyes, okay? I'll wake you up when he's done."

"Okay. Scout?"

"What?" I noticed a phone on the bedside table. Perfect. I could stay with her and still try to call home.

"Why is this bed moving? It's making… I don't feel good. I think I'm…" I bolted into the bathroom, grabbed the trash can and made it back to the bed just in time for Anna to lean over and throw up into it. Luckily, her hair was braided, so she didn't get any in it. Immediately after, she started to cry, just like I had when _I'd_ gotten sick after drinking.

"I'm sorry," she cried, slurring. "I'm sorry, Scout. I think I messed up."

"I know. Just go to sleep, Anna." I took the trash can back in the bathroom and rinsed it out, taking a towel back in with me to clean her up. When I came back she was out cold, so I just wiped her mouth and shirt and threw the towel back into the bathroom. I hoped Eddy would catch hell when his parents came home and found a vomit-stained towel in their bathroom. The jerk deserved it.

No sooner had I thought of him, when there he was, coming in the door.

"Get out," I hissed at him.

"You're not her fucking mother," he snapped at me, "so stop acting like it."

"And you're not her fucking _anything_!" I was fuming. "You pretend like you're gonna take care of her, then you get her drunk so you can do whatever you want to her? Let her drink so much she gets sick and passes out? And you're so drunk yourself you couldn't drive us home, anyway!"

"Hey, look, I didn't _force_ her to do anything." I was sure he truly believed that if he'd slept with her, there would have been no wrongdoing on his part, since she was probably too out of it to even put up a protest.

"Shut up!" I knew all about forcing things on somebody. "She likes you, and you're using her. That's just as bad."

He moved to touch her on the bed and I slapped his arm, forcing him back. He looked shocked. I was scared for a moment that he might hit me back, that he might be an angry drunk and come after me, like Steve had, but I was relieved when he just backed away, sneering.

"You're fucking _crazy_. I don't need this shit, she ain't worth it," he said, and turned and left, slamming the door behind him.

I followed him and locked the bedroom door, going back to the phone and picking it up, interrupting the conversation between two girls swapping gossip about some guy who had just been caught making out with his ex-girlfriend in her car. I just listened, waiting. Finally, after what seemed like hours, they hung up. I placed the receiver back into the cradle to get a dialtone, and, just as I was about to pick it back up, it rang in my hand.

"Hello?" I didn't particularly care that it wasn't my phone to answer.

"Scout?" It was Two-Bit, _thank God_.

"Two-Bit, are you drunk?"

"No, not too much, anyway. What the hell's goin' on? Where are you? I been tryin' to call this damned number for twenty minutes. What's the big emergency? Whose number is this?"

"Do you know that guy Danny Blake from the basketball team?"

"Blake? Yeah, I know that guy."

"Do you know where he lives?"

"Yeah. What the _hell_ is going on, Scooter? Are you all right?"

"I'm okay. But Anna is passed out drunk at a party at his house. Can you find someone to come get us? _Please,_ Two-Bit? I've been trying to call Darry or Kevin or _anyone_ all night, and I can't get a hold of anyone. Please, can you come get us? I'm scared... for her. For _us_." I was so glad he had called that I was about to cry.

"Scout, are you okay, right now?" I had no idea what he planned to do if I said no, but, luckily, I didn't have to. Eddy had backed off, and I still had all my wits about me.

"Yeah, but... I just really want to get out of here."

"You stay put, alright? I'm on my way."

And with that, he was gone.

.........................

**A/N: I have a habit of ending chapters in a place that ticks people off. Sorry. But I do appreciate your angry reviews, regardless... :-)**


	15. The Ride

I sat back down on the bed with Anna. I heard people trying to get in the door, laughing when I heard Eddy say:

"That's the junior high kid's nursery, you can't go in there! Only little kids who can't hold their liquor." I was just hating him more and more as the night went on. What the hell Anna had been thinking by seeing anything in the creep, I had no idea.

"Seriously, who's in there?" I heard somebody ask.

"Eddy's date, and some little kid who plays girls' basketball. Scout, or something. Some funny name."

"Scout Curtis?" The voice asking sounded familiar. There was a knock on the door and that same voice was calling my name.

"Little Curtis? You in there?"

"Who's asking?" I answered. I had no plans to open that door for anybody but Two-Bit.

"Sweeney. You okay?"

I unlocked the door and let him in, trying to memorize his face so the next time I saw him with Jakes I could remember which one was which.

"I'm fine," I answered, "but she's… not." I motioned to Anna.

"So I see… and smell," he said. "She got sick, huh?"

"Yeah."

"What the hell are you doing here? Don't even try to tell me your brothers know you're here."

"It's a long story. Believe me, I don't _want_ to be here."

"You need a ride?" Hell, where had he been for the past three hours when I did need a ride? Now I couldn't leave before Two-Bit got there, or he'd panic.

"Two-Bit's coming to get me."

"I thought he had a broken leg."

"He does, but… he'll find a way to get here." I knew Two-Bit wouldn't ever not show after he said he would.

"Speak of the devil," Sweeney said, looking over my shoulder out the window. I turned to see Two-Bit's car pulling in. He climbed out, hobbling toward the house without his crutches. I was surprised, and a little relieved, to see Darry get out of the driver's side door behind him. I left Anna in the room with Sweeney, for just a second, to let them in the door. Lord knew, everyone else in that house was way too out of it to answer the doorbell. I was so glad to have Darry there, I could practically feel the tension draining from my body. I hadn't realized it, but I had been scared to death, yet trying to be strong, since the moment I thought about what could happen to Anna. Every muscle in my body had been tensed, ready to fight back against anyone who tried to hurt either her or me. I only felt the relief for a split second though, before opening the door.

Darry's face was pure panic in the doorway. My muscles immediately froze, again. I'd been so glad to see him that I'd forgotten about how much trouble I was likely going to be in.

"Are you okay?" he gave me the once-over, checking for obvious damage.

"I'm fine… It's Anna. She's in here," I said, leading them into the bedroom where she lay limply on the bed. Sweeney gave a nod to both of them as they entered. Darry knelt next to Anna and shook her. She mumbled but didn't wake up.

"What did she take, Scout?"

"_What?_ I guess… _nothing_… I mean, as far as I know… she's just been drinking beer. A _lot _of beer. At least eight or nine, maybe more, I couldn't keep track. She got sick." It occurred to me that she could have taken something else... I hadn't been watching her every single second.

"Jesus _Christ_… And how many have _you_ had?" He turned to me and for the first time I noticed that he was angry – _really_ angry. The veins in his forehead were raised and his eyes were blazing.

I was shocked at the question. I was clearly completely sober.

"_What?_ _None_, Darry. _God._ None. I swear."

"Go with Two-Bit," he spat at me, reaching down and scooping up Anna in his arms. I followed Two-Bit out the door, but held the door for Darry as he carried Anna out. A few jerks in the living room applauded as they passed through. Darry ignored them, as did I. I noticed Eddy in the corner with a girl on his lap and felt a whole new wave of hatred wash over me. I followed Darry out the front door and over to Two-Bit's car. I heard Sweeney offering to Two-Bit to drive the car for us, since Darry had Anna, and I was pretty sure Two-Bit was gonna end up back at the party after he dropped us off. He isn't one to pass up two free kegs of beer. And he probably had some plans to lay into Eddy about Anna, as well.

Two-Bit opened the back door and Darry climbed in, still holding Anna in his arms. I climbed in next to him, wanting to explain.

"Darry, I…"

"_Don't_, Scout, alright?' He was yelling though he was clearly trying not to. "Just _don't_. If you know what's best for you, don't _even_ talk right now. I don't even want to hear your voice." He was angrier than I had heard him ever be, with me. I was scared, and angry with myself for doing something to make him so upset.

"Okay," I barely whispered, feeling the tears rising. I wanted to sink down into the seat so far that I disappeared, and just erase this whole night. I felt sick, about everything that had happened. I actually felt like I might throw up, which I knew would be really bad if it actually happened, since it would only fuel his suspicions that I'd been drinking. Sweeney got into the driver's seat and Two-Bit hopped in front, giving him directions.

We got to Anna's house and Darry didn't so much as look at me, just barked:

"Don't you even _think_ of getting out of this car." I had no plans to move.

I watched out the window, silently, as he rang the bell and Alison came down to meet him, opening the door for him as he carried Anna up the stairs to their apartment.

"He was real worried, Scooter," Two-Bit said, gently, looking back over the seat at me. "He'll get over it."

"I didn't even want to go… I tried to call. I didn't _do_ anything," I said, barely able to manage a whisper, I felt so low right then. I had no experience with Darry treating me this way, and it felt worse than I could have ever imagined. I watched as he reappeared in the doorway, then came over and hopped into the back, not even glancing in my direction.

"Let's go, Sweeney," he said, adding, just to make me feel worse, "it's way past Scout's curfew."

I just held my tongue. I knew he wasn't interested in anything I had to say at the moment. I had never seen him like this with anyone except Ponyboy, who usually deserved it when he got it. For the first time since I'd seen him hit Ponyboy, I actually was feeling a little bit scared of Darry. And it was a terrible feeling.

..........................

It only got worse when we got home, and I was heading for the bathroom when Soda came out. Pony opened the bedroom door and peeked out, too, hearing us come in.

"You okay, Scout? What happened?"

"_She's fine, Soda_," Darry snapped, before I could answer, in a tone that sent chills up my spine. "_She's going to bed now_."

I said nothing, feeling my cheeks burning. I quickly used the bathroom, went into my room, and sat down on my bed, pulling off my shoes as the tears rolled down my face. Not even a minute later, the door swung open and Darry was standing in the doorway. I guess he wasn't as done with me as he'd originally thought.

"Do you have _any_ idea what would have happened if the cops had busted that party, Scout? _Do you?_ Well, I'll tell you! Social Services would be here, right now, packing your bags, and probably Pony's, too! Don't you have _any_ common sense? _God_, I'd think, after what happened to you, you'd know better than to put yourself into a situation where people are drinking and using drugs."

I froze at the mention of "what happened to me." If only he could understand how I had gone with Anna to prevent just _that_ from happening to her. I knew how bad it was, and I would do whatever I had to in order to prevent it from _ever _happening to anyone else I cared about.

I wanted to defend myself, but I found that I couldn't. Darry was right; I had put our whole family at risk. I felt like I had _tried_ to do everything right, but, in the end, if the cops had showed, it wouldn't have mattered. I would have ruined things, for all of us. I sat on the bed and let him yell at me, too ashamed to even look up. I watched my tears fall onto the wood floor, soaking them up with my stocking feet.

"_God_, Scout!" he said. "I _never_ would have expected this from you! I thought you were the one with the school smarts _and_ the sense. Of all of us, I thought _you_ knew better! Saying you're going to a movie and going out to a _beer blast_ instead? Why didn't you _think_, Scout? How could you do something so _stupid_? All this talk about you not feeling safe… well, how the _hell_ am I supposed to keep you safe if the second I let you out of my sight you end up at a fucking _drinking_ party! You can forget about working this summer, and about me calling you responsible, too, because this _isn't_ something a responsible kid does!"

He stood there like he was waiting for me to try to argue back, like Pony always did, but I didn't have the words for it. I was too confused myself to even try to front a defense. I didn't move, or speak. I sobbed, silently, biting back my bottom lip. Finally, I heard him turn and slam the door behind him and stomp into the bathroom and eventually off to bed.

I changed into my pajamas, crying, and crawled into bed, turning to face the wall.

About ten minutes later, as I lay there, I heard my door open.

"Scout?" It was Soda.

"_Go away, Soda_! Darry doesn't want you talking to me."

He came over to the bed.

"He won't come back in… he went to bed." Soda sat down on the edge of my bed and rubbed my back.

"He won't even _listen, Soda_. He wouldn't even let me _talk_."

"I know. He's just… he's upset, baby. He'll get over it."

"I was trying to do the right thing. But he won't even let me tell him."

"Well, I'm here, so you can tell me."

"It was _Anna_. She made this whole plan to pretend to go to the movies but really, all along, she was planning for some guy to come pick us up, this guy she likes from the football team. I thought we really were just going to the movies. She already had been drinking, before the party, even. She started drinking back at her house, but I didn't. _I swear_, I didn't drink _anything_."

"I believe you," he whispered.

"Well Darry doesn't," I sniffed. "He won't ever trust me again, probably."

"Scout, he'll get over it. He was _scared_, when he got home and you weren't here… then he called Alison and found out Anna wasn't there, either… He just was scared, that you weren't where you were supposed to be. We _all _were. He was about to go out of his mind when Two-Bit finally called."

"I tried to call _before_ that. All night. I tried to call _anyone_. Here, Two-Bit, Kevin... _anybody_ who could come get us. Nobody was home. Then I couldn't get the phone back. I wasn't _trying_ to sneak around… I _wanted_ somebody to know where I was. _I_ was scared, too. I never even wanted to go there in the first place.

"So why did you? Did those guys _make_ you?" He shifted into protective mode.

"No, Soda… But Anna was going, and I was scared about what could happen to her… I didn't want her going off with them alone. I mean, I only got drunk _one_ time, ever, and everybody knows what happened to _me_…" I felt a chill run down my spine as I thought about it. He let out a sigh and pulled me towards him.

"That wasn't your fault."

"I know… But… she drank so much there she passed out. Anything coulda happened to her…anybody coulda hurt her. I just wanted to leave, and get her out of there. I just wanted somebody to come take us home, so she would be safe."

"Nobody gave _you _a hard time, did they? I mean, nobody tried anything with you…"

"No… I was fine. I locked myself in a bedroom and stayed with Anna. I was just trying to keep everybody away from her."

"You were trying to be a good friend," he hugged me against him. "Darry will understand."

"I doubt it. He's never been mad at me like this before… Soda?"

"What?"

"I think he wanted to hit me, but he didn't 'cause Two-Bit was there." I doubted he'd care if Sweeney saw him do something like hit us, but he'd never do it in front of Two-Bit.

"He ain't gonna hit you, Scout." Soda sounded sure.

I didn't respond. Tears were streaming down my face. The last thing I ever wanted was to make Darry so angry with me that he couldn't even stand to hear my voice.

"I just keep screwing everything up, thinking I'm doing the right thing but it gets all twisted around and turns out bad."

"We all make mistakes. It's just part of growing up. And it sounds to me like this wasn't really a mistake. I understand why you did what you did."

I sighed and slid deeper down under my sheets.

"You gonna be okay?' I could tell he was sleepy.

"Yeah... Go to bed. I'll be okay. I'm just glad somebody finally came to get us."

"Well, sorry it took so long, baby. But you did right, by calling."

"'Night, Soda."

"'Night." He moved to smooth my hair back and felt the tears still running down my cheeks.

"Aw, baby, c'mon, don't cry no more. It'll be okay. He ain't mad so much as he was scared. Darry loves you. We all do."

That was enough to set me to sobbing again and I heard Soda sigh, as his full weight settled onto the bed next to me. All I could thing of was Darry, lying in his bed, just across the kitchen from me, and how badly I had disappointed him. Nothing more was said, but the last thing I remember before falling asleep was Soda's hand on my back: rubbing, circling, soothing me to sleep.

..............................

**A/N: Angry Darry. What did you think?  
**


	16. The Apologies

When I woke up, Soda was gone. The events of the previous night came back to me in a sickening rush and I felt, again, like I might throw up. I was terrified to face Darry, knowing how angry he'd been. My clock read ten-thirty; it was unheard of for him to be home and let me sleep so late. Either he had left, or he was home and so mad he didn't even want to deal with me. I lay in bed for a long time, knees pulled tight against my chest, buried under my covers, wishing I had just stayed home instead of making any plans to go out with Anna. But, then again, I couldn't fully come to regret having been there, knowing what could have happened to her if she had been alone.

Finally, I gathered my courage and slipped out of bed, opening my door silently, and heading down the hall to face my consequences.

Darry was sitting at the table staring at the newspaper when I got to the kitchen. I stopped in the doorway and stared at him, before he realized I was there. I felt terribly guilty, even though I knew how hard I had tried to do the right thing. My heart felt sick and heavy.

Finally, after I had been staring for what felt like hours, but was probably only a minute, he must have felt the weight of my gaze, and he looked up.

Our eyes met for a moment and nothing was said. I was absolutely petrified that our previously solid relationship had been destroyed due to one night of bad judgment on my part. I hated that he had been so angry with me – I loved Anna, but if I had thought it would have come down to one or the other, I would have chosen Darry over her in a second. Suddenly, I realized how angry I actually was with _her_, for getting me into the whole mess to begin with. Darry was one of the only people in my life that I trusted, completely, and now he no longer trusted me, all because of her stupid plan. I was ashamed, and looked away.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, unable to even summon my full voice. He didn't answer for a long time, and I turned back towards him.

Our eyes met again, and he looked as sad as I felt.

"Scout…" he barely started before I interrupted him. I needed to tell him that I hadn't knowingly betrayed him. It was killing me that he thought that I had.

"I'm _sorry_, Darry. I know you don't believe me, but I didn't want to go. But Anna wanted to, and I didn't want her to go alone. I tried to call... I tried…"

I just stood there, waiting for his full wrath to come down on me, as I had been anticipating all night that it would. I hung my head and fascinated myself with the point on the floor where it met the door molding, waiting for the yelling to start.

What actually happened surprised me beyond belief.

"I know," Darry said, pushing back his hair and standing up. I didn't lift my head, but I opened my eyes wide enough to see him coming toward me. I was prepared for whatever he had in mind. He was right; I hadn't done what I had said I would, and I likely deserved whatever punishment he'd decided on. I hadn't meant to lie, but, ultimately, I guess, I had, albeit unintentionally. I bit my lip in anticipation of what was going to happen; truly, I had no idea what he was going to do. He'd promised that he'd never hit me, but I'd never heard him as upset with me as he'd been the previous night.

I wanted to look away – to bury my face in my hands – but I deserved his anger… I felt the full guilt of having disappointed him. Despite any loyalty I had felt for Anna, I _had_ taken off with a stranger and put myself into a dangerous situation, putting not just myself, but our whole family at risk. I was just as upset with myself, probably, as Darry was with me.

I leaned into the doorframe as he approached me, feeling as horrible as I had since I'd lost my parents. Darry and I had always been partners, buddies – I felt a closeness with him akin to that shared by Soda and Pony; I was absolutely devastated to think that I had destroyed that trust, by partaking in what had to have appeared to him as sneaking around, taking advantage. I felt the tears rising as he approached, terrified that I had destroyed the bond that was most important to me in the world at that point in my life. There was just no getting around it: I needed him; he was my rock, and I depended on him.

I turned away, closing my eyes as he reached me, sucking in a deep breath that, involuntarily, became a sob.

I was shocked as he bent over and I felt him gently embracing me, at my own level. His neck was against mine, and his hand was stroking the back of my head as I sobbed against him.

"I know," he whispered, right into my ear. "I know it wasn't your fault."

I was already too much of a mess to respond. I was so glad that he was hugging me instead of hitting me that I just let myself fall apart against him.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered again, through my crying.

"No," he said, "_I'm_ sorry, Scout. I was upset, and worried about you, and I wasn't fair. I didn't even let you explain… It was right of you, to look out for Anna."

"I just didn't… I didn't want… I was _scared_ for her, Darry."

"I know," he said. "And I was scared for _you_. It terrifies me to not know where you are, or if you're okay. I told you, remember? More than snakes, even." He looked at me to see if that made me smile. I tried to.

"I was okay. I didn't even drink anything. I wouldn't, after…"

"I know," he repeated, interrupting me, knowing that the end of that sentence was going to be "after what happened last time."

"But…how? You were so mad at me…"

"I called Alison to check on Anna.... and Anna'd told her everything she could remember. And Soda told me what you told him last night. And I know you left a message for Two-Bit way before he called me. And… I know _you_, and I know you _aren't _irresponsible."

"I tried to do it right," I said, still struggling not to cry, out of what had to be total relief that Darry was even talking to me. "I just wanted Anna to be okay and still not make you mad at me … I really tried to do it right. I was thinking, the _whole time_, about what you would say, Darry. I didn't know what the right thing to do was. I just wasn't sure. But if I didn't go with her, if something happened to her…"

"I know. It wasn't a black or white situation. You did good, baby. _I_ screwed up. I wasn't mad … well, okay, I was a _little _mad, but mostly I was just worried. I took that out on you. It was _me_, Scout. I reacted wrong."

He stood back up and pulled me with him into the living room and sat me on his lap on the armchair, hugging me and rubbing my shoulder. For quite a few minutes he just sat there, looking down at me. I could tell he wanted to say something but wasn't quite ready.

"I… didn't come home on time, once," he finally said, quietly. "I was right around your age, maybe a little older. It was the same kind of thing… a situation got out of hand, and I couldn't get home. I was out way past my curfew. Mom and Dad were really worried, until I finally was able to call."

I didn't know what to say. As far as I had known, Darry had always been the golden boy. I had hardly ever seen my parents upset with him.

"When Dad finally came to get me, he was mad, Scout. _Really_ mad… _scary_ mad. When we got home, he was _so_ angry. He was yelling…I was dumb enough to yell back. He almost hit me, but Mom stopped him."

I was shocked. I could not imagine our dad ever hitting anyone, least of all Darry. I just stared, wide-eyed. _My dad_?

"He didn't, Scout," Darry took my hand in his. "He didn't, but the next day, he felt terrible. He was actually _crying_ when he apologized to me, telling me that he had just been so worried about me, and so angry about having been made to worry so much, that he almost lost all his control, and hurt me, and how upset he was at himself about it."

"Daddy was _crying?_" This was completely unbelievable. I had never seen my Dad cry. Never. Another superhero had just taken his place among the mere mortals. My dad had always been my ultimate superhero.

"Yeah, and I didn't _get_ it, then, Scout. I never got how _worried _he had been… I never knew how scary it was to think that something bad might be happening to someone you were responsible for - someone you loved - until that night, when Pony didn't come home. But… I didn't have anybody like Mom here to stop me, and I did it. I _hit_ him. And I hate myself for it, still, because it was something that happened completely out of fear, not anger. I _never _meant to do it, I _never_ wanted to, it just happened."

"He forgives you, Darry. We all do," I said, laying my head against his shoulder, encircling his chest with my arms. "It's in the past."

"But… I don't forgive myself. And I hate myself, right now, for how close I came to making exactly the same mistake again, last night, with you."

"But, Darry… you didn't. You didn't hit me."

"I know. But… how I treated you, I almost feel like I did. I mean… I could have. I was in that place."

"But you _didn't_. I get it. I mean… you were _worried_. You _should_ have been worried. I'm not really the kind of kid who breaks her curfew. I guess… you were worried because you care. I'm lucky, because even though Mom and Dad are gone, I still have people who care about me. I never want to disappoint you, Darry, because I know you care about me."

"I know that, and I don't want to disappoint you, either. That's why I should have given you a little more credit that you might have had a reason – a _good_ reason - for being at that party. But all I was thinking about, at first, was that something had happened to you. And then when Two-Bit finally called and I knew you weren't hurt, _then_ I started to get angry, thinking you had lied to me. I never even gave you a chance to give your side of the story… I forgot to be your brother, and I turned into your parole officer, and it wasn't fair, to you."

I wasn't sure what more to say. I wanted to say that I wouldn't ever lie to him, but we both knew that, in the past, I had. Not telling about Steve had been huge, and I hated the fact that that secret could have caused any mistrust between us.

"Darry… I'm not mad at you… I never was. I was just so scared that, because of one stupid thing, that I never even meant to happen and tried as hard as I could to get out of, you wouldn't trust me anymore."

"I do trust you, Scout. And that's another reason I feel bad, because I _trust _you, and it was like that just went right out the window and I assumed the absolute worst, and I refused to even let you explain."

"It's okay… I guess it was the same, for me. I was crying because I was worried, that I wrecked it… I mean, how we get along so good. I don't want it to change."

"I don't either. And I'm real sorry, about how I handled last night. That was kind of a wake-up call, about how I need to take a better look at a situation, before I just… react. And maybe think about the other people involved…"

I thought about the person involved, besides me. I was angry with her, but, admittedly, concerned, as well.

"I guess Anna's probably in pretty big trouble, huh?"

"I imagine so. Alison and her dad didn't know she's been drinking at home… Scout, she's not heading down a good path. I know you're friends, but, baby… we can't be getting involved in other people's issues. We have enough of our own."

"I know."

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go out with her, or over her house. For a while, anyway, okay? Until she cleans up her act."

"Okay." I knew he was probably right about that. I did care about Anna, but I didn't want me trying to protect her to translate into getting caught in a bad situation and, in the process, getting my own family split up.

"Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know if you need me to say this, but…just…"

"What, baby?"

"I love you, and I hope I didn't screw us up by what I did. And whatever you still feel bad about, I forgive you."

He pulled me against him and kissed the top of my head, squeezing too tight, as he so often tended to do. I didn't mind though, because that was just Darry. Anything else just wouldn't have felt right.

"Nah, we're still good, baby. It would take a whole lot more than one night of mistakes to change that." He squeezed my hand and I closed my eyes, leaning against him, feeling the heaviness in my heart lifting.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**I dunno. Is this stuff too sappy? This is just how Scout and Darry's relationship is. And lordy, it only gets more dramatic as we head into teen-angstyville.  
**


	17. The Visit

We were still sitting together in the chair, watching TV, when Soda and Pony came back from what appeared to be a trip to the grocery store, since they came in carrying about four bags each, both of them on the verge of dropping at least two.

"How much?" Darry asked as Soda passed by.

"Don't ask," Soda replied.

"Yeah, well, let's try to make it last longer than a day or two then, okay? You two are eating your way right through our budget."

"Yeah, yeah… We are growing boys, you know," Pony said, dumping the bags on the counter and not bothering to turn around.

"You're gonna to be growing _out_, instead of up if you keep up with all the junk you two buy." Darry usually tried not to eat anything bad for him - between that and all the exercise he got roofing, he was pretty much in perpetually good shape.

Soda came to the living room doorway and looked at us sitting in the chair.

"I take it everything's okay with you two?"

I looked over at Darry and he grinned a rare Darry grin.

"Oh yeah… we're good as gold," he said, "right, baby?"

"Right."

"So, Soda, after lunch me and Scout are gonna go over her coach's house for an hour or so… you two got your stuff ready for the big room-switch later?" This was the day we were all supposed to be switching rooms, according to Darry's plan to help us all sleep better, which I knew really was a plan to try to help _me_ sleep better. For the most part it was just a matter of switching furniture into different rooms, but it did involve some degree of organization and cleaning, especially in our respectively chaotic closets.

"Uh… almost." Soda said, glancing back at Ponyboy, which clearly meant: No, in fact, we forgot all about it.

"I'm gonna work on that right now," Pony announced, quickly putting away the last of the groceries and slinking away down the hallway to their bedroom.

I'd been staring at Darry, shocked. He'd told me I could forget about babysitting.

"But... I thought…"

"Another mistake," he said, standing up and easing me off his lap. "You went out of your way to look out for someone else… calling you irresponsible was pretty ridiculous, because you're not." I fought back a smile.

"What kind of sandwiches you two want? turkey or ham?" Soda called. "I'm making, so at least you'll get the right condiments."

"Oh, you're hilarious, Soda," Pony's voice called out from the bedroom.

"I am, aren't I?" I heard Soda say quietly to himself, and both Darry and I giggled at him.

"Turkey for me," Darry answered.

"Me too," Pony and I said at the same time.

"So… are _you_ all ready to switch?" Darry asked me, his hand resting on my shoulder as he led me into the kitchen.

"Pretty much," I answered. "Are you?"

"Yeah. But I don't hoard crap like the rest of you do," he said, squeezing my shoulder as he left me at the table, heading over to help Soda, who was clearly struggling with the sandwiches, having only one good hand.

"Soda, why don't you ever ask for help when you need it?" Darry asked. He was so much more practical than the rest of us, and he had no idea how much we tried to keep him from doing any chores he didn't have to… he already did more than enough for us. That was why Soda didn't ask, and neither Pony nor I would have, either.

"I'm okay, Dar," he said, as Darry grabbed the knife out of his hand and started putting the condiments on the bread. He had our preferences down pat. Once he became our guardian, it was like he had made it his business to memorize everything important: our birthdays, bloodtypes, schedules, and even our condiments. It was funny that Pony, arguably the brainiest of all of us, was the one who always forgot who liked what.

I sat at the table as Darry and Soda made sandwiches, Soda eventually giving in and leaving the knife work to Darry and grabbing the potato chips from beside the refrigerator and the pickles from within. He sat down with me at the table, eating pickles out of the jar with his fingers.

"Ever hear of a fork, Soda?" Darry scolded.

"You two okay, really?" Soda mouthed the words at me.

I nodded and he smiled.

"Told you so," he said, too loud, unintentionally getting Darry's attention.

"Told her so _what_?" Darry set sandwiches in front of each of us. "Pony, get in here and eat."

"Told her that you weren't gonna hit her."

Darry froze, looking shocked. I guess Soda hadn't told him that I really had been worried about him hitting me … Darry opening up to me about it had just been coincidence, apparently.

"You _knew_, then?" Darry asked me. "You could tell, that I was in... that _place_. Shit, I must have scared the hell out of you to think that about me. _Jesus_."

"No, Dar. I'd just never seen you so mad at me before. I just… I didn't know what you were gonna do. I wasn't really that scared, or anything."

He shook his head and sighed.

"It's _okay_. I understand."

"It _isn't_ okay. I can't let myself get that way. God, if I ever actually hit one of you again… I mean, after that _one time,_ I never saw Dad get that way again… I can't be getting mad at you guys like that, especially when I don't even know the whole story."

"You thought about _hitting_ her?" Pony was horrified.

"No, I don't think… I don't know. I don't _know_, okay? I was worried, and I _wasn't_ thinking, I guess."

"What are you talking about, with Dad? He _hit_ you?" Now it was Soda that was wide-eyed.

"No. But I scared him once, like Scout scared me last night. He almost did."

"Darry, it's okay. I told you, I'm not mad. Just let it go, okay?" I didn't want this to become a family issue; it seemed to me that it was between Darry and me.

He didn't answer; in fact, nobody said anything for a minute or two. I guess the boys were surprised to hear Darry actually admit that he had almost lost it, again.

"Is it okay if I go out with Sandy tonight, after we move everything?" Soda attempted to end the awkward silence.

"That's fine, as long as everything gets moved before you go." Darry was trying to sound normal, but it was clear he was dwelling on things that had been said.

"Well, me and Pony can move the dressers and stuff while you and Scout are gone."

"Soda, you're not moving _anything_ with a broken arm. And Pony, you're not moving stuff by yourself either, you'll give yourself a hernia trying to show off to Soda how strong you are. We'll only be gone an hour or so, you can wait. It'll take that long just for you to clear the crap out of your closet, anyway, I don't think the floor in there's seen the light of day since Soda moved in."

"Fine… we'll wait. Soda and Pony both got up and headed off to tackle said closet.

I got up and took our empty plates to the sink, starting to wash them until Darry got up and come over, turning off the water on me.

"I told your coach I'd bring you over around one, so we should go. We can get these later. You ready to go?" he still sounded fairly upset.

"Yeah." I wanted to say something more but didn't know what else there was to say. I had already told him that I loved him, regardless, and forgave him.

"Okay, well, I'll be in the truck." He turned and left.

"Okay." I stood in front of the sink for a minute, then walked down to Pony and Soda's – soon to me my own – room, and stuck my head in. They were throwing heaps of things out of the closet onto the bed.

"Hey… you guys?" They both looked over their shoulders at me.

"He didn't even come close… to hitting me. He's being too hard on himself. I never even should have said that last night, Soda. I wasn't really scared of him, I just felt bad for making him so upset."

They just stared.

"Just… don't bring it up again, okay? He feels bad. I get it – I mean… he was worried, and we're fine, so… just let it go, please? Okay?"

"Okay," they agreed.

"Thanks," I said, and turned to leave.

"Scout?" Soda called me back, and I turned again.

"Yeah?"

"You do know how much he loves you, right?"

"I know," I said softly. "I love him, too. So, just… don't make him feel bad. He's tough enough on himself already."

"We won't."

"And don't move any furniture before he gets back… what he really wants is to show _us_ how strong _he_ is," I said as I headed through the living room to the front door. I could hear them laughing as I stepped out the door and ran over to the truck. Darry was sitting behind the wheel in a funk waiting for me. I slid over until I was right next to him and made him look at me.

"Forget about it, Darry. Please. You didn't do anything. I don't want you to feel bad."

"I would never forgive myself if I'd hit you." He looked heartbroken. I wrapped my arms around him and put my head on his shoulder, kissing him on the cheek.

"You didn't. And I know you won't, ever. You're every bit as strong as Dad was, Dar. You remind me of him all the time, and you're beating yourself up over something you didn't even do. It doesn't matter what you _thought_ – I don't care. You _didn't_ hit me, you stopped and took a step back, and once you calmed down, you listened to me. I wouldn't have expected anything different or better from Daddy."

"You're too easy on me," Darry said as he put the truck into gear and started out of the driveway, one hand on my shoulder and one on the steering wheel.

"Yeah, well, I could say the same about you."

…………………………….

He seemed to cheer up by the time we got to Coach K's house. It was on the other side of town – not the ritziest part of town but definitely a lot nicer than our neighborhood. The houses were modest, but neat, with fresh paint jobs and nicely landscaped yards. Coach was outside watering the front bushes when we pulled in, and he walked over to turn off the faucet, coming over to us as Darry stepped out of the truck.

"Darry." He reached out to shake his hand. "Nice to see you again. Thanks for letting us borrow Scout for the summer."

"Well, it's just a loan… we want her back," Darry joked, and Coach laughed, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Well, we'll give her back… until basketball season, at least." He turned to me. "How's your summer going so far, Scout?"

"Okay," I responded. I didn't feel the need to elaborate on the drama that had already occurred in our household, only a couple days into the season.

"Well, come on in, you can meet Laura and my wife and she'll show you the ropes. She's the boss around here," he laughed. "Darry, you and I can talk a little sports while the ladies chat. Can I get you two anything? A Soda?"

"No, thanks," I said. "I'm okay." Darry echoed my refusal, and Coach ushered us into his living room. A redheaded little girl stared up at Darry, wide-eyed. He had that effect on little kids – his sheer size was fascinating to them.

An adult copy of the child was sitting on the couch. She stood up when we came into the room.

"Scout, I think you've met my wife, Barbara, at a game or two.... Barbara, you remember Scout. And this is her brother Darrel."

"Hi, Mrs. Karis," I said.

"Nice to meet you, ma'am," Darry said and offered his hand. She took it, laughing.

"Come on, you two… I'm not _that_ old. You can both call me Barbara. And I'm sure you figured out… this," she reached down and picked up the little girl, still staring at Darry, "is Laura."

"She sure does look like her Mom," Darry commented.

"I swear, she's mine too," Coach joked. "She just took after my better half."

"Hi, Laura," I said, and she shifted her gaze to me. She stared for a second, then held out her arms to me.

"I guess she likes you," Barbara said, "Want to hold her?"

"Sure," I said, though I hadn't held a baby in at least a year. I figured I'd better get used to it, though, if I was going to be spending four hours a day with her for a couple of months.

She passed Laura to me and I was happy that she didn't start crying. In fact, she just started babbling and seemed quite content.

"Well, follow me," she said as she turned and headed down the hallway. "I'll show you the lay of the land while the men amuse themselves." I followed, Laura tugging at my braids.

She led me around the house, showing me where to find anything that either Laura or I might need. It felt a little strange to be in my coach's house, but not necessarily in a bad way… as we passed through the living room, he and Darry were watching baseball on the TV and talking and laughing, and I was really glad that they seemed to get along so easily. I thought back to when they first met, when I was in the hospital, and how nice it had been to hear Darry talking with another guy close to his age. He was stuck around us kids all the time; it was nice to see him hanging out with another guy, one to whom he wasn't related and for whom he was in no way responsible. I smiled at him as we walked by, Laura toddling along next to me, having demanded to be put down to walk. He winked back at me.

Barbara went over some notes she had written down for me – Laura's schedule, what she liked for snacks, translations of some of her baby babble, where things were in the kitchen, and what numbers to call if there was ever a problem. She was funny, and we got along well, chatting about school and basketball and life in general while Laura banged pots and pans on the floor. Finally, the conversation died down, and I saw her glance at the clock.

"Oh, my goodness, here I am chatting away with you like you have nothing else to do, taking up you and your brother's whole Sunday. Do you have any questions for me, before you go?"

"No, I think you pretty much covered everything… and I have all the phone numbers, so… I think I'm okay."

"Well, I think you're going to be great, Scout. Laura really seems to like you, and I know Mike completely trusts you, and so do I." Laura had stood up and was tugging at my knees, wanting to be picked up again.

"No, honey," her Mom said to her, scooping her up, "Scout's got to go home now. She'll see you tomorrow, though, okay? Say bye-bye."

Laura did as she was told. She _was_ awful cute.

Darry and my coach both stood up when we came back into the living room. Such gentlemen; they cracked me up.

"You ladies all set?" Coach came over toward us and put his arm around his wife's waist, and for a second it made me miss my parents, and the way they had been so open in their affection for each other. Darry came over and stood behind me, his hands on my shoulders.

"_We_ are," Barbara said, "are _you_?"

"Well, I think we could have discussed sports all afternoon, but I'm sure Darry has a few other things to do on his day off," Coach joked.

"Yeah, he has some furniture to move at home," I said.

"So… you can see how I'm real eager to get back," Darry kidded, and we all laughed.

"Alright, Scout, well, I guess we'll see you tomorrow at eight then."

"I'll drop her off," Darry said.

"Well, we appreciate that, Darry, but any time it's a problem, just give us a call and one of us will come get her." Darry was working on their side of town anyway – dropping me off would be on his way.

"I'll do that," Darry said, shaking his hand again as we headed back out to the truck.

"Thanks again, Scout," Barbara called out to me, "and you, too, Darry, for bringing her over. See you tomorrow!" Laura was waving at us in her arms.

"Bye!" Darry and I both called back, as the truck roared to life.

"They're really nice," I said, as we pulled out of the driveway.

"I agree."

"I hope Laura gets to keep them… I mean, I hope they don't die until she's really old." Darry looked at me and he clearly knew that I was wishing our parents were still alive.

"I hope so, too," he said, taking my hand and squeezing it. I squeezed back, and he replaced his hand on the steering wheel.

"Thanks, Dar… for driving me."

"You're welcome," he answered, smiling over at me. "Now let's go see what kind of mess your brothers have created."

...........................

**A/N: Just a little more of taking the story from here to there. Thanks for reading. Comments welcome, as always. :-)**


	18. The Move

We arrived home to find Two-Bit sitting on the bed in the boys' room, supervising as Pony threw the clothes and the other contents of their closet out their bedroom door, while Soda kicked the pile down the hallway into my room. At this point, their closet was pretty much empty, and most of the stuff that usually lay scattered around on their floor had already made the Soda–assisted journey down the hallway. I had taken a slightly different approach to cleaning out my closet, though no more organized, really, in the end. I had shoved everything that hadn't been hanging up into bags, and Darry helped me carry the bags down the hall and toss them into my new closet.

Eventually, all that remained was moving the furniture, and I had been right about Darry wanting to show off how strong he was. Two-Bit and Soda, of course, weren't allowed to help, both being hurt. I wasn't allowed to help with any of the heavy stuff either, since Darry seemed convinced I would drop it on myself or fall over and get crushed under a dresser or something, so he and Pony handled switching Soda and Pony's two dressers for mine, and switching our desks.

Two-Bit provided non-stop commentary and less-than helpful advice the entire time.

"Lift with the knees, Darry, don't they teach you anything worthwhile in that big-shot college?"

"Shut up," Two-Bit," Darry grunted, as he and Pony attempted to negotiate the corner into the hallway with the boys' desk.

"I'm serious. You throw out your back moving furniture and start hobbling around like an old man, ain't nobody gonna hire you to prance around on their roof, all gimpy like that."

"Shut up, Two-Bit." Pony put his end down while Darry reevaluated the clearance of the doorway as compared to the desk legs, eventually turning the desk onto its side.

"I mean it, big guy. Big old football stars can't be pulling muscles and shit like that doing girly stuff like redecorating the house. You got a reputation to preserve."

"If it's such girly stuff, how come I don't get to help?" I asked, and Darry sent Two-Bit a death glare.

"Shut UP!" he repeated, and Two-Bit finally did, just as they managed to get the desk out the door.

The one thing I _was_ allowed to help with was the mattresses – even Darry couldn't come up with any sort of scenario involving me having a debilitating accident involving those. He pulled them off the beds and turned them on their sides, then I pushed them down the hall and lay them against the wall until he and Pony switched the bedframes.

All in all, that part of the transition went pretty quick, and eventually our rooms looked pretty much the same as they always had been, just reversed. The rooms themselves were identical, so mine didn't look any different than it ever had - the only difference was that now I could hear muted voices on _both_ sides of me – Soda and Pony on one side as they remade their bed, and Darry talking with Two-Bit in my parents' room on the other side. Darry had moved most of his stuff into their room already – all that was left was to move their stuff into Darry's old room, and we had decided to wait to do that until after dinner.

I had to admit, I did feel safer, knowing there were brothers on both sides of me. Plus, that tiny little bit of fear in the back of my mind that Steve might someday come back into my room after me felt satisfaction that, if he did, he'd be surprised to find Soda and Pony, rather than me.

I remade my bed, but decided to leave dealing with my closet until later and wandered down into the kitchen to see if I could help out with dinner. I had assumed that it was Darry I had heard messing around in there, so I was surprised to find Two-Bit at the counter, cutting up vegetables for a stew.

"You taking turns cooking here, now?" I asked.

"Yeah, right. I told Darry I'd do this so he could fix the window in your parents' – uh, his room. Been closed so long it's swollen shut."

"Oh." That was a problem. Summer in Tulsa without the benefit of the night breeze could be stifling.

"Want some help?" I couldn't remember ever seeing Two-Bit cooking in our kitchen. He was good about helping with clean-up when he stayed for meals, but the cooking was usually left up to actual Curtises.

"You wanna peel potatoes?" he asked. "Darry doesn't like me having sharp implements in his house," he joked.

"I think he'd prefer you with the peeler than that," I said, pointing to the giant paring knife he was waving around.

"Probably," he admitted, but went back to his cutting anyway.

I jumped up to sit on the counter next to the sink and started peeling.

"So… you think this might help?" he asked, suddenly serious. "With your sleeping, I mean?"

"Maybe... I hope so."

"You still get pretty scared, huh?"

"Sometimes. Not as much as before."

"It ain't gonna happen again, Scout," he looked over at me. "I mean it. There's no way."

"I know. Two-Bit, do you know where he is? Steve? I mean, nobody's really heard from him or anything. Have you?"

"Nope. And I got nothin' good to say to him anyway. If you're worried about him showing up here, don't be. He ain't stupid enough for that, 'specially seein' as Darry ain't even had a piece o' him yet."

I had forgotten about that. Darry hadn't had his revenge, he had stayed with me instead while the others had gone off to take care of Steve. I sighed. I just didn't like it, that I had no idea what had become of him. Things just felt unresolved, and I needed resolution.

Two-Bit gave my arm a quick squeeze, and looked like he wanted to say something, but Darry came back into the kitchen right then.

"Scout, come on… I'm getting sick of telling you to get off the counter. I mean it. This house is falling apart enough without you going around breaking more stuff."

"I'm not breaking anything, Darry. Jeez, you'd think I weighed five hundred pounds or something. _Sorry_." I jumped down, and he took the peeler out of my hand.

"You two get out of here, it's my turn."

"I don't mind," I said. I was actually starting to really like cooking. I wished we had more money so I could try different stuff – as it were we pretty much ate pasta, hamburger, chicken or some sort of stew-like thing pretty much every night. Every time I saw something that looked interesting at the grocery store, Darry would tell me it was too expensive.

"If you really wanna help, go help the boys get their mess cleaned up. I thought moving rooms might encourage them to clean up a little, but they're just in there sitting around staring at their pile of clothes."

"I'll see what I can do," I said, though it was unlikely either of them would be moved to clean up at my suggestion.

It felt funny, knocking on what had been my own door.

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

"Of course." I opened the door and Darry was right, they were both just lying around, a huge pile of clothes by the closet door.

"Can I help you fold some of that stuff?" I asked. They stared at each other.

"You really think we'd say no to that?" Soda asked, laughing.

"I guess not," I said, "but I'm not doing it myself."

Soda gave me his helpless look.

"You want any help at all, don't even try that."

"Okay, okay," he relented, and they both got up and started sorting the pile by what belonged to who, tossing things at me to fold as I made a Soda pile and a Pony pile. By the time Darry came to get us for dinner, we had made a sizable dent in the pile and I was even slightly encouraged that they might actually complete the task on their own.

Dinner was typical, the boys wanted to know all about what my coach's kid was like, and what his house looked like. Pretty much any house outside of our neighborhood seemed like a mansion to us. To be honest, I was a little embarrassed that Coach would be driving me home and seeing where I lived, though I'm sure he had no misconceptions about my social class. The teachers and coaches really never talked about the Greasers/Socs divide, but they were certainly well aware that it existed.

Two-Bit helped out with the dishes until his Mom came to pick him up, complaining as he left about how "losing his ability to drive was just about equivalent to cutting off his manhood." He got quite the reprimand from Darry, who generally didn't appreciate those kind of comments being made in my presence. I was laughing until he sent me a glance that clearly indicated I shouldn't be finding him funny, or encouraging him in any way.

"Bye, Two-Bit," I said, pulling myself back together.

"Seeya, Scooter. You sleep tight tonight, okay?"

"I'll try."

As soon as he was out the door, Darry turned and looked at the three of us.

"Let's finish this up, huh?"

"Okay," we all agreed. This was the part we all had been dreading so much, packing up our parents' things and moving them into Darry's old room. Since they had been gone, we had left everything pretty much untouched, but I think we all knew that, eventually, we would all need to deal with it, and Darry had come up with a logical reason that this was as good a time as any.

"Where do we start?" I asked, looking around in their room. Darry's stuff was all piled up on the bed. We had decided to leave our parents' furniture in that room and just move their clothes into Darry's old room. They had the nicest furniture – as well as the heaviest, and I think we'd decided to leave it there partly due to laziness after moving things all day, and partly due to sentimentality – we just wanted the room to at least still _look_ like it always had, even if it would be Darry sleeping in there from then on.

"I'll do Dad's dresser, you do Mom's," Darry said to me. "You guys get the closets." Soda headed over to Dad's and Pony headed over to Mom's.

I went over to Mom's dresser and opened her top drawer – underwear, of course. No wonder Darry wanted me to do it. What guy wants to deal with their Mom's underwear? I took it out, placing everything into one of the boxes Darry had gotten from behind the grocery store for the purpose. I folded things neatly, finally emptying out the bottom drawer and closing up the box, labeling it "Mom." Darry finished up with Dad's at just about the same time and he pushed both boxes down the hallway and into the closet of his old room.

Soda had been carrying their shoes and belts and things down and putting them into the closet, while Pony had moved all of their stuff on hangers and hung it up down the hall. I had taken a smaller box in which to put the items that had been on top of their dresser, taking a few of Mom's things to keep in my room – some jewelry, her perfume… and I saw Darry take Dad's picture of our family and put that in his pile of stuff. I added that small box to the growing pile in Darry's old closet.

Finally, Darry reached up and took a bunch of boxes down from the top shelf of Mom's closet. None of us had any idea what they were, so we were pretty surprised to find each one marked with one of our names. Not knowing what lie within, we each took the one with our name and opened it.

Inside each box were things Mom had been saving since the day each of us were born. Everything was there, from our hospital nursery bracelets to cards we had given her or Dad for their last birthdays. We were all stunned. We had no idea that she had been saving any of this stuff.

"Did you know… about this?" Soda asked Darry.

"I had no idea," he said, looking as shocked as the rest of us. Dumbfounded, each of us went through our boxes, laughing at pictures we had drawn when we were little, making fun of each other for things we had written in cards to our parents and each other. What got to me most was something each of us had done in kindergarten: a family portrait. Darry's had Mom, Dad, and he and Soda, Soda's had our parents and the three boys, and Pony's and mine both had all six of us. It was bittersweet, knowing we'd never be that six again. I had a feeling we all felt the same way, and as we looked at them, suddenly we all grew quiet.

Soda brought us all back to reality as he started to laugh. We all wanted to know what was so funny, and he read a story he had written in first grade about what he wanted to be when he grew up.

"_When I Grow Up" by Soda Curtis_

_When I grow up I am going to be a daddy, just like my Daddy. For my job I am going to be a fireman because they get to drive really big trucks and go fast and make a siren and play with hoses and water. For my other jobs I am going to take care of horses and fly planes. I won't eat vegetables because when you grow up you don't have to eat stuff you don't like.__  
_

_My brother Darry is going to be a strongman in a circus because he is really, really strong. He can pick me and Pony up at the same time. Maybe he might be a daddy too, I'm not sure. My other brother Ponyboy might have to go in jail because he is always taking our stuff and that is stealing and you can go to jail for that. My sister is just a baby but when she grows up she might be a mom or a princess or maybe a nurse._

"Jail? Nice, Soda." Ponyboy was laughing.

"The circus? What the heck Soda, the only one who gets to have a respectable job is you?"

"Princess is a completely respectable job," I said, and they all laughed at me.

"Princess Scout, I presume," Soda said, and bowed his head at me. I grabbed one of Darry shirts off the pile and threw it at him, then jumped on him, forcing him backward on the rug.

"Aw, c'mon, I'm wounded. Don't attack me."

"Scout, get off him," Darry scolded, and I did. We were all quiet for a minute, and finally Pony spoke.

"I think it's really great that Mom saved all this. I mean, someday we can show it all to our kids, and stuff."

"Yeah, when you're _thirty_, and old enough to have kids," Darry joked.

"Seriously, though, Dar, don't you think this is neat? I mean, to see all this stuff?"

"Yeah," he admitted, "it _is_ pretty neat. Maybe we should try to remember to keep adding important stuff. Like Scout's awards and stuff like that."

"I'll do it," Pony said. "I want to... I'll be in charge of it." It made sense. Pony was the most sentimental of all of us – he would know what kind of stuff deserved to be saved.

"Let's put them in Darry's old room, with the other stuff. Then I'll just add stuff I think should go in. You guys okay with that?"

We all looked at each other.

"Sure, Pone," Darry answered for all of us. "You'd do best at it out of all of us, anyway."

We put our stuff back into our respective boxes and carried them down the hall to Darry's old closet, piling them on top of the boxes that held all of our parents' clothes and possessions. Darry closed the door on all the boxes, and suddenly there was a sense of finality to it all, a feeling of having moved on.

"I think we'd all better get to bed," Darry said, breaking our silence. I hadn't realized it, but we had been looking at the things in our boxes for almost two hours, and it was past ten-thirty.

"Probably," Soda agreed, and we all headed off to our respective new rooms.

I got ready for bed and went down to Darry's room and knocked on the door. He told me to come in, and I sat down on the bed where he lay, reading a book.

"Does it feel weird, being in here?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, "but I'll get used to it, just like everything else."

"I guess so… Thanks, Darry, for suggesting this… us switching."

"Feel safer?"

"Yeah, I do. So, thanks."

"It was time, anyway," he said, "for this." He motioned to the room and I knew he was right. Moving on was never easy, but it was a necessary step. I was kind of proud of us all for handling it so well.

"Yeah." I stood up. "Night, Darry."

"Night," he called back as I closed his door behind me. "Sleep well," he added.

For the first time in a really long time, I did.

.............................

**A/N: As always, thanks for reviewing. Also, I'd appreciate any comments on my latest one-shot, "Something Like a Star." I get really nervous writing Pony POV so input is greatly appreciated.**


	19. The Job

The next morning I awoke to the sound of Darry getting ready in his new room. I had underestimated the difference that it would make for me to know that I had brothers sleeping on both sides. I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling, thinking that, just the previous night, it would have been Pony or Soda staring up at this particular ceiling. I wondered if they slept as well as I did in their new room.

Soon after, I heard Darry's footsteps come to my door and he knocked softly, opening the door at the same time. He had definitely not been expecting to find me awake.

"Hi," I said, and he came over to the bed and sat down.

"Hi, yourself. You're up early. Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, actually, the best in a really long time. Switching was a good idea."

"I had a feeling it would be. Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah, but that's okay. Once I get used to your morning noises, I'll sleep through it."

"My 'morning noises?'" He laughed.

"Yeah, you know… just – getting out of bed, opening your drawers and stuff. Plus, you're a loud walker." Darry was just too big and heavy to be capable of being completely quiet.

"Well, I'll try to keep it down."

"I don't mind," I said. "It reminds me that you're there. I have to get up anyway… if you wake me up that way at least you don't have to attack me."

"Good point," he said, "_and_ you're even in a pretty good mood, for this early in the morning." Before school, I had usually been considerably less than social.

"I'm full of surprises," I smiled up at him.

"Oh, I don't doubt that," he said. He stood up and headed off into the kitchen. "Get yourself ready. I'll start breakfast."

There really wasn't all that much "getting ready" to do. I wasn't yet at the point of being a girl where it took a long time to pull myself together in the morning. I took a quick shower, not washing my hair, since we were about to run out of hot water after Darry's shower. I just braided it, anyway. I brushed my teeth and threw on some clean clothes. When I came into the kitchen, Darry was pouring himself some coffee.

"How can something that smells like that taste good?"

"_What?_" Darry hadn't even heard me come in.

"Coffee. It doesn't smell like it would taste good, at all."

He looked baffled. "I don't know… I guess it's not even so much about how it tastes, it's that it wakes me up."

"So you don't like it?"

"No, I _do_… I didn't when I was a kid, though. I guess it's just one of those things that you learn to like when you're older." He added his milk and sugar. "You want to try it?"

I wrinkled my nose at it. It didn't smell _bad_, exactly – it was a typical morning smell at our house, so it had an element of comfort to it – but it didn't smell good, either.

"C'mon.. try it. I promise, it won't kill you."

"Yeah, well, I hope it goes better than when I tried beer." He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed as I timidly took a sip. He looked down at me.

"_Well?_"

"Definitely an acquired taste," I said, handing him back the cup. "I'll stick to orange juice for now." I grabbed the juice from the refrigerator and sat down at the table while Darry laughed at me. He put some hash on my plate and took the rest for himself.

"Soda and Pony aren't eating?"

"I'm just gonna let them sleep. Soda's still not caught up on rest from the accident, and the second Pony gets up, so does he. Might as well let them both catch up."

I was actually sort of glad. It was nice to have Darry to myself. It was kind of corny, but I was feeling kind of grown-up, getting up to go to work. I'd been wanting for so long to do something to help out, it was exciting to be finally _doing_ it. I had to admit, I was a little nervous, too.

We finished up breakfast and Darry gave a strangely evil laugh as he told me to leave the dishes for the boys to deal with.

"Hey, we're working for a living," he joked. "They can take care of it." I was sure we'd get a hard time for it later, since it was Darry's week for dishes, but I also knew they would get done – we all knew how hard he worked, and tried to ease his home workload as much as we could.

"You ready to go?" he asked, turning to me.

"I guess so," I said. "Ready as ever."

"You'll do great," he said, grabbing his lunch and pushing me out the door ahead of him. I guess he could tell I was a little nervous, because when we got in the car he turned to look at me in the passenger seat.

"You don't have to do this, you know that, right? I mean, if it turns out you don't like it, or you change your mind about it, just tell me, and I'll tell him he has to find somebody else. I don't want you doing this just for the money, okay? It's not so bad that we can't still get by."

"I want to do it, Darry. Really."

He looked at me, deciding whether or not to believe me.

"Okay, well, just remember, I wasn't exactly the best role model as your babysitter," he laughed.

"You weren't so bad." He had loved to tease, but he always took good care of me.

As we pulled into Coach K's driveway, I opened the door to hop out and Darry grabbed my arm. I looked back at him, and he smiled at me.

"Call Soda if you have any trouble, though I know you won't. You'll do fine."

"Bye, Darry… Thanks."

"See you at dinner," he called out as I slammed the truck door and walked up to the front porch, where Coach stood in the doorway waiting for me, Laura in his arms. They both waved to Darry as I climbed the stairs.

"Morning, Scout," he said. He put Laura down and she immediately begged me to pick her up, which I did. Coach led us both into the kitchen.

"Okay, well, she's already had her breakfast, so she should be fine until ten-thirty or so, when she usually goes down for a nap. If you put her in her crib with a bottle – there's one in the fridge – she usually goes right down. Any questions about anything?"

I shook my head no. "I can't think of anything."

"Barbara and my work numbers are right by the phone, and, I forgot to tell you last time, one of our neighbors – over there, he pointed - is a doctor, and the other is a cop, so you if you ever can't reach one of us, feel free to ask a neighbor. They're both really nice families."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said. I was certainly hoping nothing would happen my first day on the job that required the assistance of a doctor or – even less – a cop.

"Well, then, Scout, I guess it's time for me to go. I'll be back right around twelve."

"Okay… have fun!"

"Well, I'm teaching, but… I'll try." He grabbed his keys and headed out the front door. I carried Laura over to the window.

"Wave bye-bye to Daddy," I said, feeling a little choked up remembering my mom saying those very same words to me and Pony, watching our Dad head off to work, Soda and Darry already in school. Laura waved, and as his car disappeared around the corner, I headed with her into her bedroom.

I plopped her down on the floor and pulled out a few toys, which pretty much kept her busy until naptime. She was a happy kid, and babbled to herself quite a bit while she played. I talked to her, but her vocabulary was largely limited to commands – "more," "again," "go" – so I pretty much just did what she told me. It was fun, being around someone so… undefined. There was really no telling, yet, who or what she was going to be.

She wasn't a Soc, or a Greaser – she was just Laura. It had never occurred to me what a clean slate we all start out as, and how we are are, eventually, slowly molded into who we become. I really hoped that she wouldn't ever have to be molded by the sort of tragedy my brothers and I had faced. My parents had been just like hers, once – young, and assuming that they had their whole lives ahead of them. I had a morning of reflection and wonder. I realized pretty quickly how easy it was to get attached to something as cute and innocent as a two-year old.

She went right down for her nap, and I sat on the couch, looking at a magazine I found lying around. I decided to ask Pony for a few good books to bring with me to read while she was napping. I looked out the window at the neighbors for a while – the woman in the house where Coach had said the doctor lived was outside weeding her garden, and I started to feel a little bit ashamed of our yard at home. Maybe I could make that my summer project, cleaning up the yard a little bit. Just because our house wasn't on the rich side of town didn't mean it had to look like a total dump.

Laura woke up about fifteen minutes before her Dad got home and I had just finishing changing her diaper when he called out to us and I heard the front door closing behind him.

"_Scout?_"

"_In here!"_ I yelled, though Laura was already out the door running toward his voice. He scooped her up.

"There's my girl," he said, hugging her against him while she laughed, and for a second I missed my Dad so much it actually hurt.

"Everything go okay?" he asked.

"Yup. No problems at all." I almost felt guilty getting paid; it had been so easy.

"She's a good kid, I told you. So, you ready to go?"

"Yeah," I said. We went out to his car and I found myself praying nobody from the basketball team would see him driving me home. They already thought I was his favorite anyway – as much as I respected him, I didn't need the other girls picking on me any more than they already did. I directed him to my house and as we pulled up, both Soda and Pony were both out on the porch smoking, and the yard seemed more embarrassing than ever. I vowed to fix it up over the summer.

"Okay, Scout, we'll see you again tomorrow then," he said as I got out of the car. "Remember, you can just call, any time Darry can't bring you and we'll come get you."

"Okay," I said, wishing the scene behind me would transform into something a little more respectable. "Bye!"

"Bye!" he said, and I could hear Laura's "bye-bye" as they drove away. I turned to find the same unimpressive scene I had just wished away. I walked up to the porch, shaking my head at my brothers.

"How'd it go?" Soda asked.

"Okay. Why are you smoking?" He usually only smoked when he was upset. Sandy was back, and we were all fine, so I wasn't sure what he would be upset about.

"I'm bored," he said. That sounded like a pretty dumb reason to me, but I just shrugged.

"Anna called for you," Pony said. "I told her to call back this afternoon." I hadn't talked to her since the night she'd tricked me into going to the drinking party, and, to be honest, I was still extremely upset with her, about so many things – lying to me, putting both of us in a dangerous situation, and nearly ruining my trust with Darry. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to her, but I had no plans to hold back.

I was just about to ask them if they had eaten lunch yet when the phone rang. Figuring it was Anna, I guessed I might as well just get it over with.

"I'll get it," I said, walking through the screen door and letting it slam behind me.

"Hello?" I plopped down on the couch, expecting Anna's voice.

"Is this the Curtis residence?" It definitely wasn't Anna.

"Yes," I said, feeling myself tensing up.

"Is Darrel, Junior available?" Nobody except the state called him that.

"No… um, he's at work… Could I take a message?"

"My name is Eleanor Robertson, I'm with the Oklahoma Department of Social Services. Is this… " I heard her rustling through paperwork. "…Samantha?"

"Yes," I choked out.

"Well, Samantha, what time do you expect him home?" I looked up to see Pony and Soda both coming in, staring at me, knowing from my tone that I wasn't at all comfortable with the phone call.

"Um… well, it's always different, but usually, by five-thirty…. at the latest."

"All right, well, will you tell him to be expecting our call?" I wanted to scream: What do you want? Why do you always bother us when we are doing okay? But I said nothing.

"Yes, ma'am," I managed.

"All right. Thank you, Samantha,"

"You're welcome. Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and didn't want to look into the faces of my brothers. I didn't have to tell them; they knew exactly who it had been.

"What'd they want?" Pony barely whispered.

"I don't know… _Darry_," I answered, not looking up.

"Damnit," Soda muttered, and went back out to the porch. Pony turned and followed him. I just closed my eyes and lay back on the couch, wondering.

What _now_?


	20. The Kiss

I still hadn't moved from my spot on the couch when Soda and Pony came back inside, arguing.

"_Give it here, Soda!_" Pony was yelling at him, trying to grab the mail out of his good hand while Soda tried to fend him off with his cast.

"It ain't addressed to you, it's for your _guardian._" Soda was laughing at him and Pony wasn't amused.

"Cut the crap. _Give it!_"

"What is it?" I didn't like anything coming in the mail addressed to our guardian. Especially with the state having just called.

"Our report cards came,"Pony answered.

Soda was holding the mail behind his back as Pony came at him from the front, but Soda didn't think about the fact that, as he was backing up, he ended up standing right in front of where I was lying on the couch. I just reached out my arm and, catching him completely off guard, snatched it right of his hand. He was shocked.

"Hey!" He spun around and glared.

"It's my report card too. Sorry… you snooze, you lose," I told him, as he pouted.

"Nice one, Scout," Pony said, lifting my legs off the couch and sitting down, laying them back down across his lap. I found the letter in question and opened it, handing Ponyboy his and reading my own.

"I don't know why you even bother reading them, they're always all A's anyway," Soda said, sounding annoyed. It bothered him a lot that something that came so easily to us had been such a struggle for him.

"Yeah, well I can't fix cars… or anything, really," I said, "and neither can Pony."

"Yeah, I don't imagine we'd be getting all A's if we were taking auto mechanics," Pony admitted.

"I'm not getting all A's, anyway," I said. I had A's in everything except math, where my concentration problems after my incident with Steve had landed me a B-minus. Pony'd had a similar problem the previous semester, after the stress of losing Johnny and Dallas and the whole court thing, but he had managed to get back to all A's this semester. I showed Pony and he handed it to Soda.

"You think Darry will get mad?" I remembered his face when he saw the math test I had failed, right after he had shown me how to do it, and how crappy it had felt to disappoint him. I wasn't exactly itching to see that again.

"You had a reason… he'll understand," Soda assured me, but I wasn't convinced. If Soda had ever come home with all B-minuses, we would have had a celebration… but, from me and Pony, Darry just expected more.

"He wasn't too hard on _me_, last time," Pony said, "I'll back you up. I mean, we know it wasn't really your fault."

"Maybe we should wait … 'til tomorrow," I suggested. I figured that the state having called would be more than enough bad news to give Darry for one night.

"It's up to you, but you know he's gonna ask," Pony said, and he was right. Darry had been asking every night at dinner if our report cards had come yet. I didn't want to lie.

"Just… don't say anything unless he asks, okay?" I sat up, sliding my legs from across Pony's lap down to the floor.

"_I_ sure won't," Soda said. "You know _me_, I was always begging everybody else not to bring up report cards!"

"I owe you a few… I won't say anything, either," Pony said, though I wasn't sure why he thought he owed me. I sure wasn't gonna complain, though.

"I'm going over to talk to Ben," I announced. I hadn't talked to him since before the incident with Anna, and I had a lot to tell him. I actually really missed him, which kind of surprised me. I was starting to need to have him around just as much as my brothers. I had always cared about him, but now, a part of me felt like I actually _needed_ him, like he was family.

"I don't know, Scout… you two aren't supposed to be hanging around alone together," Soda said, hesitantly.

"Kevin is probably there," I answered, "and anyway, Soda, cut the policeman act. It's not like I don't know what you and Sandy were doing in your alone time, and there is no way I'm gonna be doing that."

"Yeah, you better not be, or you'll be visiting Ben in the cemetery."

"We _won't_ be, so give me a break, okay? Darry isn't here and what he doesn't know won't hurt him, so can you guys just be a little bit nice and let me go over there? I haven't even seen him in days."

They seemed a little bit offended that I had assumed they _would _rat me out to Darry.

"Go ahead, I don't care," Pony said.

"I ain't gonna say anything," Soda added.

"Thanks. I'll be back in time to start dinner," I said, heading out the door and over to Ben's house.

I was a little bit surprised to see that Kevin's car wasn't there, but I knocked and Ben came to the door right away, a huge smile on his face when he saw me. He opened the door and hugged me so hard he lifted me off the ground.

"I missed you," I said into his ear, and he kissed my cheek.

"Me too."

"Anyone else home?" I asked.

"Just me… Is that okay?"

"I think so. Darry's not home, anyway." Since we had no plans of doing anything prohibited, I didn't feel all that guilty about breaking Darry's rules… It's not like we were gonna be rolling around in Ben's bed or anything.

"Cool, come in." He pulled me over to the couch and sat me down.

We sat down, resting against each other. He had my hand in his, and was massaging my wrist with his thumb. For a minute, he just stared at me, smiling, eventually leaning over and kissing me again. I felt his tongue pressing against my lips, and, for the first time, I opened my mouth against his, granting permission. I had worried that allowing him that would remind me too much of Steve forcing his tongue into my mouth, but Ben was gentle and must have just drank a Pepsi, because that's what he tasted like – a far cry from the sickening taste of Steve. His hands worked their way through the hair at my temples and I pulled him towards me, letting him kiss me even more deeply. Eventually, however, I needed air, and pulled back.

"Was that okay?" he asked, looking a little worried that he had somehow violated my boundaries.

I kissed him gently on the cheek.

"Do you really think I would have let you if I minded it?" I thought Ben had seen enough to know that, ever since Steve, I made it abundantly clear when I felt threatened by anything. He'd seen the whole incident with Pony. I had no reason to feel threatened by Ben, he had never crossed any lines, drawn by me or otherwise.

"I heard Anna got you into some trouble," he said, pushing the hair he had messed up with his kiss back behind my ear.

"Sweeney told, huh?" I had been sure even then that he would tell Kevin, and Kevin would tell Ben.

"Yeah."

"I tried to call your house, too, you know… I was scared. I didn't want to go in the first place – she tricked me into it - but I was scared for her."

"You know I would have found a way to get you… but I was out at my Grandpa's… and Kevin went out with Kate. I wish I had been home." Ben's Dad's father was in a nursing home a few blocks away – he and his mom and brother took turns visiting him every weekend.

"I know… I just forgot you were going out. I tried calling everyone. Two-Bit was the one who finally rescued me."

"Was it okay? I mean, nobody gave you a hard time there, did they?"

"Nah, I was just worried about Anna, about…that maybe…"

"I know," Ben interrupted. "You were being a good friend. Nobody blames you. I mean, you know better than anyone what could happen. Even with people you think you can trust."

I hesitated, wondering if I really wanted to share all that was on my mind with Ben. I decided I did.

"Even though nothing actually happened to me or Anna…the worst part is, it almost really messed stuff up with me and Darry. I really scared him, not coming home… he was really mad. I mean, _really _mad. More mad than I've ever seen him, at me, anyway. He … he even scared _himself_, because he wanted to hit me."

"But he didn't, _did he_?" Ben sounded horrified.

"No. _No._ I just feel bad… I mean, well, he never _really_ wanted to hit me, but he was so scared when I was missing that when he found out I was actually okay, he was just mad about me making him worry."

"Have you talked to Anna?"

"No… not yet. I'm really mad at _her_, though … seriously, she almost made Darry and my relationship get ruined. We get along really well - it would kill me if that got screwed up."

"I don't think she meant it," Ben said softly, nuzzling against my neck and kissing my jaw.

"Ben," I started, not sure whether he would understand. "Without Darry, I wouldn't even be able to be here. I would be in a foster home, or an orphanage, or with my uncle in Texas. You get that, right?"

"Yeah," he answered, though he looked as though he hadn't really considered it much.

"I need him… I mean - he takes care of me now. Nobody else really does." Soda and Pony were aware of what was going on in my life, usually, but Darry was in _charge_ of me, and I wanted that. I trusted him, more than anybody, to know what was right, to keep me on the right track… to keep me _safe_. I already felt like I had screwed up a million times since my parents had died, and that things might have never been made right again without Darry there. He was always coming to my rescue and setting me straight.

"He's not going anywhere," Ben said, taking my hand again and squeezing it. "Scout, he loves you. You know that. I mean, it sounds completely corny, but he needs you as much as you need him. We all can see that."

"But… the state… can _they_ see it? What if they decide to split us up? Ben, I _need_ Darry. I'm not kidding. I just need to know he's there, that he'll look out for me and not let me screw up my life by doing stupid stuff. I get scared, all the time, and… just, still… I need him, since Mom and Dad are gone. If I get taken away from him – and Pony and Soda, too - but mostly Darry, I'll fall apart."

"What does the state care? They already placed you with him. They can't just change it, for no reason, can they?"

"They called… We must have done something wrong… otherwise they leave us alone, usually."

"They called _today_?"

"Yeah, right when I got home. I thought it was gonna be Anna, but it was some lady from Social Services wanting to talk to talk to Darry. What if somehow they know – about me going to that party?"

"I doubt it. How would they know about that? I don't think Sweeney is an undercover state worker or anything." Ben laughed at his own joke. "Maybe it's nothing… maybe it's just to check in, see how things are going…"

"I doubt it." I just had a bad feeling.

"Hey… so how was babysitting, anyway? How's your coach's kid?" He was obviously changing the subject, and I let him. I was letting that phone call completely stress me out.

"Oh my God, Ben, she's so cute. I can't even imagine being so little. She's just such a happy baby!"

"I doubt she's happy all the time," he said. "Babies can get pretty cranky."

"Well, she hasn't, yet." I was smiling just thinking about how cute she was.

Ben was looking at me strangely.

"_What?_"

"Nothing."

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I was thinking about kissing you again," he admitted, slyly.

"Well, you don't have to ask," I said, "but I think it's cute that you do."

He leaned over and kissed me again, and this time I was expecting the whole tongue thing, so I was a little more comfortable with it, even exploring a little with my own.

"You two aren't supposed to be in here alone together."

Kevin was in the doorway and caught the two of us completely by surprise.

"For exactly this reason."

"I thought you weren't gonna be back 'til later," Ben said.

"Cut the B.S., Ben. I talked to you about this. It's Darry's rule for Scout, and I actually think it's a pretty good one."

"Don't tell him, okay Kevin? It won't happen again, I promise." I didn't need Darry upset about the state, my report card and _Ben_, to boot.

"Look, Scout, I promised him, so I'm not gonna be covering for you, he'll kill me if he finds out. Next time I catch you two, I'm telling."

"There won't be a next time. I swear it. You, too, right Ben?"

"Yeah…I don't want Darry mad at me either."

"I hafta go home anyway, it's my night to cook." I got up, and Kevin immediately pointed out how red my face was. I was a bit embarrassed.

"Yeah, I know," I said, "Thanks for not telling, Kev."

"Well, don't do it again, and you'll save yourselves from me having to tell him."

"I won't," I promised. "See you guys later."

"You're supposed to be on my side," I heard Ben saying as I headed back to my own house. Figures, Darry had Kevin policing us, too.

I went into the house and found Pony reading in the armchair. I was no longer thinking of it as "Dad's chair," I realized, with a tinge of sadness. Soda was asleep on the couch.

"You manage to stay out of trouble?" Pony asked.

"Kind of," I said, going into the kitchen wondering what I would be able to find for dinner.

"What's that mean?" he called back at me, waking Soda.

"Nothing. Forget it."

"What time is it?" I heard Soda ask.

"Why are you so tired, Soda? Are you not sleeping because we switched rooms?" I would have felt bad if switching made me sleep better but the boys sleep worse.

"I'm _not_ tired," he said, coming into the kitchen. "That's the problem. I'm bored. I need to get this cast off so I can go back to work. I'm sleepin' and smokin' just to have something to do. Sandy's working at her dad's shop, so she's not even around to keep me busy." Sandy's dad owned a tailor shop downtown.

"You give _me_ a hard time about being alone with Ben, then you go sayin' stuff like that?" I looked at him, annoyed.

"I didn't mean _that_. I just mean she can't hang around with me."

"When does the cast come off, anyway?"

"I don't know… gotta go see the doctor on Friday."

"Well, if you're so bored, help me think of what to make for dinner."

"I think Darry bought hamburger… meatloaf?"

"We _always_ have meatloaf. Do we have any charcoal? I could make hamburgers on the grill… Darry loves that." I was hoping to get him in a good mood before he asked about report cards or we had to tell him about the state's call.

"That's not a half-bad idea. I think we still have charcoal from last summer. I'll go look, while you make the burgers. If I don't come back in, it's because I found it. We can always just cook them inside if we don't have any."

"Okay."

I made the patties and he hadn't returned, so I threw them on a plate and brought them out. Soda never looked as much like my dad to me as Darry did, but seeing his back as he stood over the grill, my mind flashed back to hundreds of times over the past years, seeing my Dad at the grill, and I saw a bit of him in Soda.

But then he turned and smiled, and reality came rushing back. Dad was gone - this was Soda.

"I get to be grillmaster," he said, happily.

"That's fine with me. I'll go make some macaroni salad. Those coals take a while to get hot enough, anyway."

"I _know_. I'm the _grillmaster_."

"Okay, _sorry_. Jeez." I turned to leave, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back into a hug.

"I was just kidding," he said.

"I know. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just worried about that call."

"I can tell. It's probably nothing. Don't worry about it."

"I can't help it."

"Well, then go make your macaroni salad, that'll keep you busy, at least."

It did take my mind off things for a while, trying to remember exactly how my mom had made it. I tried to remember everything she had put in, and I actually thought it had come out pretty good, once I finished. I stuck it in the refrigerator and went outside to see where my brothers had disappeared to.

Soda and Pony were sitting on the back steps, talking quietly.

"All done?"

"Yup. It's in the fridge."

"I'm gonna put the burgers on, then. Darry should be home any minute." Soda stood up.

"Okay." I sat down next to Pony. I knew he was bothered by the phone call too, but I didn't bring it up. We all just pretty much sat there in silence until we heard Darry's truck pull into the driveway.

"_We're all back here!_" Soda yelled when he heard the truck door slam shut, and Darry came around the side of the house with a big smile on his face. He must have smelled the grill.

"Mmm. Burgers… good idea, Scout."

"Thanks."

He could tell the minute he looked at us that something was bothering me and Pony.

"What's with the faces?" Pony and I just looked at each other.

"The state called, looking for you," Pony finally said.

"Oh. Was it some lady named Robertson?"

"Yeah. Wait, you _knew _she was gonna call?" I was not expecting that.

"Yeah, she just needs to set up a time with us to do a home visit, to make sure everything is going okay."

"So… we're not in trouble?" Even Soda sounded relieved, despite the fact that minutes ago he had tried to convince me that it was nothing.

"I don't think so… Not that I know of, anyway."

"I just wasted a whole afternoon worrying about that," I said, feeling dumb.

"Me too," Pony agreed.

"You two need to relax. Unless something changes, the state is pretty happy with things staying the way they are. Shove over." Darry pushed me over and sat down between the two of us.

Pony and I breathed a mutual sigh of relief as we watched Soda take the burgers off the grill.

"Those smell great, Soda," Darry said. I agreed.

And the secret of the phone call having been solved made them taste even better.

.....................

**A/N: as always, feedback is very much appreciated.**


	21. The Embers

Just as we finished up with dinner, Mrs. Robertson from Social Services called and set up a time to come check in on us that Thursday after Darry got home from work. I was sure that would mean that we'd have a few days of hardcore housecleaning ahead of us. Hopefully, since we had just switched all the bedrooms, and pretty much cleaned them in the process, it wouldn't be too bad. Darry didn't sound all that concerned about the visit, so I guessed I shouldn't be, either.

Around seven, Sandy had come over to see Soda, and Two-Bit's mom had dropped him off on her way to work. I still couldn't believe his kid sister got left home alone, but I didn't say anything- heck, I was sure that at this point my family wasn't exactly the gold standard for good parenting with my brothers in charge.

Sandy and Soda were hanging out in the living room while Two-Bit was in the kitchen with Darry and me. Two-Bit was helping himself to the remnants of the macaroni salad, while Darry was writing down the address of his next job on the calendar and trying to make a grocery list, which was annoying him since Soda had just bought groceries on Sunday. I had traded dishes duty with Soda since Sandy had showed up, and was standing in front of the sink, washing dishes and looking out the window, while Two-Bit picked on Darry incessantly about a variety of things, including his recent haircut.

"You keep lowerin' your ears, your forehead's gonna get so big they'll start usin' you as a drive-in movie screen, you know. 'Stead of the Nightly Double it will be the Nightly Darrel." Two-Bit was laughing at his own joke while Darry had some sort of clever comeback, but I had stopped listening. I was staring out the window at Ponyboy. He was staring into the grill, a stick in his hand, prodding at the coals and eventually setting the stick on fire.

I kept watching as he walked over to the steps and sat down, the burning stick still in his hand. He gathered a pile of leaves and dry grass and brought the stick to it, setting the pile ablaze and watching it burn. There was just something about the way that he was looking at the burning pile that made me want to make sure he was all right.

I put down my sponge.

"I'll be right back," I said, and headed for the back door.

"You're not leaving those in the sink," Darry called after me.

"I know. I'll be right back." I slipped out the back door and stood on the top step, watching Pony. He didn't turn around, so I stepped down to where he was and sat next to him. He still just stared at the fire he'd created, the smoke rising straight up. At first I thought it must be stinging his eyes, because they looked watery, but I realized right away that he was just barely crying.

Suddenly I understood: Johnny – the church… the fire. Pony probably hadn't been around a fire since then. I couldn't imagine how scary that must have been, running into a burning building. I was sure the nightmares he had were pretty often about the fire. I realized with sadness that I had never really told him how proud I was of him for what he'd done that day, for saving those kids.

"You okay?" I asked, staring myself at the fire he had made. It was, all at once, mesmerizing, beautiful, and terrifying.

"I might've started it, Scout."

"What?" I had no idea what he was talking about, thinking he was mad that Soda got to light the grill or something.

"The fire – the church. I coulda been the one that started it, with a match, or a cigarette. It could be my fault, all of it. Johnny dying… Dallas…"

I couldn't believe that blame was rearing its ugly head again. Okay, Pony, it was you, I thought, or… we could keep playing this game and blame whoever sold you the matches and cigarettes. Or the cigarette companies, for getting you to smoke. Or Darry for hitting you, or Mom and Dad for dying and leaving Darry with us… it never ended. And, in this case, we would never even know, for sure, what started that fire.

"Pony, don't." I just didn't want him to have to go down that whole path of wondering who to blame. I especially didn't want him blaming himself.

"It coulda been me. Maybe I didn't put out a butt all the way or something." He wasn't crying, but his voice was unsteady.

"Stop it. None of it was your fault." I put my arm across his shoulder and rubbed his back.

It seemed like Pony's reactions to everything that had happened just took longer to work themselves out than mine had. But, then again, I had missed out on so many of the hardest things that he had been a part of – the fire, and watching both Johnny and Dally die. I guess Steve had been my "traumatic event," and I understood, now, how very long it might be before I could get past it, and stop having nightmares and blaming myself for it. Maybe I never would.

"C'mere," I said, pulling him toward me while stomping out the fire with my foot. Darry would go ballistic if he saw us fooling around with a fire so close to the house. Pony didn't fight me.

"I just wish I knew, for sure… how it happened."

"It doesn't matter, Pony. It wouldn't be your fault, anyway, we all know you'd never do something like that on purpose. None of you would let me blame myself for what happened with Steve."

"Because that _wasn't_ your fault, Scout. That was totally different."

"No, it wasn't. Neither of us did anything bad, or wrong. We were just doing what kids our age do, just trying to get by and do the best we could. I mean, I was drinking. I screwed up."

"You got attacked, Scout. That isn't your fault."

"Bad things happened to both of us, Pony. And neither of us deserved it. And Soda didn't deserve to get in a car accident, and Sandy didn't deserve to get raped, or pregnant, and Darry didn't deserve to have to take care of us, and none of us deserved to lose Mom and Dad. Trying to blame someone for everything isn't going to change anything. I know, because I already tried it. You saved those kids, Pony. Something good happened because of you, no matter how that fire started. I can't find _anything_ good that happened because of me screwing up."

Pony was quiet for a minute.

"I'm supposed to be the insightful one," he half-joked.

"Well, then, I guess it's lucky that I'm so much like you, in these cases where you're the one who needs some insight." I said, thinking how much Darry and Soda tell us all the time how alike we are.

"Either lucky, or you're doomed," he quipped, and we both laughed.

"Scout… the dishes aren't doing themselves in here," Darry called out the door.

"Coming," I answered, starting to get up, and turned back to Pony.

"You all right out here?"

"I'm okay… Want some help with the dishes?" he asked, and the surprise must have been evident on my face.

"C'mon, Scout, don't look at me like that. You get it…"

I did get it: we were family, and we stuck together and helped each other out, and maybe the tiny little golden lining of all the crap that we'd been through was that we all actually got each other a little better, and weren't so afraid to show how much we cared about each other anymore. A year ago, Pony and I would never have had a heart-to heart like this one, about anything, much less events that had messed with our emotions like these had.

Pony stood up and followed me into the house, where I washed and he dried. Surprisingly, nobody even bothered to comment on it.

Clearly, times had changed in the Curtis household. We'd lost so much, but, every once in a while, it felt like we'd gained some, too.

.......................................

**A/N: Short chapter... This one was never planned, it wrote itself while I was looking into a charcoal grill of my own tonight. Thanks for reading!**


	22. The Questions

Since the news from Social Services had turned out to not be all that bad, I decided there was really no point in putting off the inevitable and showing Darry my report card. So when Pony and I finished up with the dishes, I went down to my room and grabbed it off my desk.

Darry was sitting at the kitchen table trying to fix the lock from what was now _his _bedroom door – the one he had broken that night when I'd locked myself in there and had a nightmare. He had the whole doorknob in pieces and was trying to put it back together. I sat down across from him.

"Think you can fix it?" It seemed that he and Soda could usually fix most of the stuff we broke around the house.

"Probably," he said. It just needs some new screws." He looked up at me. "You studying doorknob repair, all of a sudden?"

"No. Do you have a minute?"

"I guess so, why?"

"Our report cards came," I said. That got his attention.

"And…?"

"I did okay in _almost_ everything… just, you already know I had some problems with the math…" I handed it to him.

He looked it over and didn't look too mad, but I wasn't sure.

"Are you mad?" I was pretty sure that he wouldn't like the comment my math teacher had added – _Scout has been distracted this term and performed well below her ability on several quizzes and tests. She can do better.._

"No, I'm not mad," he said, putting it down and looking back across the table at me. "He's right, though… you_ can_ do better. I know you will, next year… junior high grades don't really count toward college or anything, anyway."

"I _promise _it will be better next time," I said. Darry started fiddling with the doorknob again.

"It wasn't your fault, Scout. I know that. You had a lot to deal with this past year, and, honestly, I'm real proud of how well both you and Pony handled it. I certainly wasn't myself for a while there, either. How'd _he_ do?"

"I'll let him tell you," I said, going into the living room where Pony and Two-Bit were arguing about what to watch on TV.

"Pony, Darry wants to see your report card," I said. "I already showed him mine," I added.

Soda took his attention off of Sandy for a second.

"_And…?_" he asked.

"He wasn't mad."

"Told you," Soda said and went back to whispering sweet nothings in Sandy's ear. Pony got up and left, swatting Two-Bit on his way by.

"Well, that ain't nice, attacking an injured man," Two-Bit called after him.

"How_ is_ your injury, anyway, Two-Bit?" I asked.

"I dunno. Gotta get it checked on Friday."

"Hey, I have to go on Friday, too," Soda looked up. "Where they sendin' you?"

"Tulsa General, some fancy bone doctor."

"Me too. Hey, maybe I can drive us, that way Darry won't have to take time off or anything." Soda had been dying to get Two-Bit to loan him his car while he couldn't drive anyway, and this seemed his perfect opportunity.

"Doc says you can drive with your arm in a cast?"

"He never said I couldn't," Soda replied. He could still move his fingers, and grab stuff, and he'd driven the truck a few times, so I was pretty sure he could drive okay. Otherwise Darry would never have let him.

"That works for me. Come to think of it, I think you should be my personal chauffeur, what with all the time you've got on your hands, not working and all. In return, maybe I'll let you borrow my car a few nights, to take the lady out for a soda… no pun intended."

Soda smiled. That was exactly what he'd wanted Two-Bit to suggest. Two-Bit knew it, too, I'm sure.

"I think we can work something out."

Two-Bit went to shift positions in the chair and accidentally kicked his empty beer bottle under the chair. I moved to get it.

"Leave it, Scoot," he said. "I'll get it, eventually."

"Right, eventually… like in six months. The state is coming on Thursday, Wise Guy, we can't exactly have beer bottles lying around." I dug it out.

"What do they want?" Two-Bit sounded concerned. Funny how any mention of Social Services got him just as nervous as it had the rest of us.

"They just want to make sure everything is okay around here, that me and Pony aren't wasting away because Darry's spending all the state money on drugs and prostitutes."

"_Scout!_" Soda was laughing and shocked at the same time.

"Well, that's how Pony explained it to me." He had, at the church in Windrixville.

"You said that to her?" I heard Darry asking Pony in the kitchen.

"No. _Jesus,_ Scout, I never said that. I said they were making sure he wasn't spending the money on _beer and girls_, not drugs and prostitutes."

"Same thing," I called back.

"Not exactly." Soda was still laughing.

"Well, in any case, you stay away on Thursday night and I'm sure things will go fine," I told Two-Bit. Darry and Pony came to the doorway, and Darry immediately took Two-Bit's beer bottle out of my hand.

"She's right… both of you," he motioned to Sandy and Two-Bit. "This house is off-limits for you two on Thursday night. We don't need the state lady thinking we got some kind of boarding house-slash-barroom going on here. Got it?"

"Clear as day," Two-Bit answered.

"Got it," Sandy added.

"I'll call you, baby, soon as she leaves, and we can get together then." Soda was spending just about every moment with Sandy and I could tell it was worrying Darry, that old mistakes would be repeated.

"It wouldn't kill you two to go one day without seeing each other, you know," he said, trying not to sound annoyed, but not doing a very good job.

"Darry, you know you can tell me to leave whenever you want. I mean, if I'm getting' in the way, just say something." Sandy sounded sincere.

"No, it's not that. I just don't want… ah, never mind... Just stay away on Thursday, all right?"

"You got it," she said. "I should probably get goin', anyway – my dad said I could only take the car for a little while. You gettin' a ride with me, Two-Bit?"

"I don't seem to be gettin' any better offers," he said, getting up.

"See ya, Darry. Thanks so much for your genuine southern hospitality, I'm much obliged." Two-Bit tipped an imaginary hat at him, and Darry cracked up at his seriousness.

"Shut up, Two-Bit," he said, messing up his hair as he walked toward the door. Darry knew how much we all needed Two-Bit around. He helped him out to the car and came back in, sitting on the couch next to Soda, where Sandy had been.

"So, guess what we're gonna be doing for the next three days?" he asked, and we all knew the answer. Cleaning.

"The bedrooms are in pretty good shape, since we all just switched," I said. "So, really, there's only the rest of the house."

"I call kitchen," Pony said. Of course he did, that was always the easiest room, since we pretty much cleaned it every night.

"Whoever does kitchen does dining room, too," Darry said. "Kitchen is too easy."

"Fine," Pony grumbled.

"I can't really do bathroom," Soda said, holding up his cast. "Too wet"

"I'll do the bathroom," Darry said. "You do living room."

"Well that ain't fair," Pony said. "What's Scout gonna do?"

"Well… I actually was thinking about cleaning up the yard a little. I mean, just because we're not rich doesn't mean our yard has to look like a junkyard." I wanted a nice manicured yard like my coach had, though I knew that was probably just a dream.

"You can't move that stuff, Scout, it's too heavy." Darry was talking about the cinderblocks and stuff Soda had used to work on his car.

"Well, I can cut the grass and stuff, and pick up all the junk lying around. Maybe I could even plant flowers or something." I was thinking about my coach's neighbor, and how it looked calming, for her to be out taking care of her plants. Our Mom used to plant a few flowers every spring, and then yell at us all summer to stay out of them.

"You've never cut the grass. You don't even know how to start the mower!" Soda was laughing at me.

"I'll figure it out. Ben will help me, he mows the grass at his house. _Stop it_, _Soda_; I'm serious. We look even poorer than we actually are, when people drive up, because our yard is full of crap."

"She _does_ have a point." Pony wasn't laughing at me, which I very much appreciated.

"I'm not sure I love the idea of you running the mower," Darry said. "People cut their toes off doing that."

Man, he was always thinking worst-case scenario when it came to me. I wasn't stupid. Heck, he didn't know yet, but thanks to Two-Bit, I could even drive a car.

"I promise I won't cut my toes off," I said. "Somebody just has to get it out of the shed and get all the spiders off it."

There were two places I hated to go: the shed in the backyard and the basement. Both had spiders, and scared me to death. When I was little, the boys used to trick me into going down into the cellar stairs, and then hold the door shut against me as I screamed and cried to get out. The one time Mom caught them, she'd made them all three stay in their rooms for hours, not even allowed to come to the table for dinner. That was the one and only time I'd ever eaten dinner alone with my parents.

Also, any time we had severe storms or tornado warnings and needed to retreat to the basement – which happened at least once a summer in Tulsa – I would cry the whole time, not so much scared of the weather, but of the creatures that lurked in the dark down there. Dad would hold me the whole time, whispering in my ear to calm me down and stroking my head. I was not looking forward to the first time we'd have to head to the storm shelter this summer.

"Alright, then, Scout. You do the yard." I think they all saw my point, so Darry gave in.

"Okay. I'll help you with the other stuff, too... If she likes what she sees, will she stay away longer?" I wanted the State to make themselves scarce. Very much so.

"I don't really know," Darry admitted.

"It'll be fine, baby. We're doing good," Soda said, and I almost believed him.

………………………

I was tired and, knowing I was getting up early – _You're a working girl, now,_ Darry reminded me, I got ready for bed early and crawled between the sheets, listening to the boys talking in the living room, and, eventually, hearing them go off into their own rooms. I feel into a sound sleep, knowing I was surrounded by people I loved. I didn't dream at all.

I woke up earlier than anyone, and decided to jump in the shower _before_ Darry for a change. Morning bathroom time had always been a challenge, even after our parents had died. Four kids and one bathroom equaled very limited bathroom time, and there was rarely only one of us in there, unless we were actually _going_ to the bathroom.

It was pretty typical of one of us to be in the shower while another brushed their teeth or shaved. I tried to keep my shower short, wondering if any of my brothers knew when girls were supposed to start shaving their legs. I thought about asking Anna, until I remembered how angry I still was with her. I was surprised, but sort of glad, that she hadn't called back.

I wrapped myself in a towel and opened the door to find Darry waiting on the couch. He smiled when he saw me.

"What's with you getting up so early?"

"I guess I'm just sleeping better," I said, going into my room.

"Good," Darry said, closing the bathroom door behind him, as I closed my own.

I got dressed and headed back down toward the kitchen, looking for a hair elastic. I must have had a hundred of them, but I could never find one when I needed one. I knocked on the bathroom door, not hearing the shower anymore.

"Yeah?"

"Is there a hair elastic on the sink in there?"

Darry opened the door, clad in a towel, steam filling the hallway. He had shaving cream all over his face and was just picking up the razor.

I looked and saw one on the shelf above the toilet, grabbing that and a brush and sitting down on a towel on the edge of the tub, French braiding my hair.

I felt him staring and looked up.

"_What?_"

"How do you do that? How can you braid that behind your head without seeing it?"

"I don't know, I just know what I'm doing."

"Mom teach you that?" Darry sounded hesitant to ask, but I didn't mind.

"Yeah," I answered. "What about you? Did Daddy teach you how to shave?"

"Yeah." He turned back to the mirror and went back to work.

"Kinda sad, huh… that he can't teach Pony?" I wondered who would teach him. It seemed like it should be Darry, but I was pretty sure it would end up being Soda.

"I guess. He's not ready yet, anyway."

"Hmm. Hey, Dar?"

"Yeah?" I had finished with my braid and was just sitting on the tub, looking at him.

"When does a boy become a man, really? I mean, when do you think? It is when they get to a certain age, like eighteen… or when they start shaving, or does it have to do with… you know… sex, or what?"

He turned and stared at me, shocked.

"Scout, you'd better not even be thinking about sex. You're a kid."

"I'm not. _Really._ But…"

"Where is all this coming from?"

"I don't know, just something I've been thinking about."

"I swear, you and your brother, the two of you are gonna think yourselves right into the nuthouse, someday."

That made me laugh.

"I'm not nuts, Darry, just… I always thought of you as a _boy_, before Mom and Dad died, because you're my brother. But then, as soon as they were gone, all of a sudden I realized that actually you were an adult, I mean… a man. I just wonder when that happens, when a person changes from a kid to an adult. Two-Bit... he's nineteen, and he still acts like a kid. But sometimes it seems like kids act more like adults."

"I don't know, Scout, I guess it depends on the person. You're certainly more grown up at twelve than any of us boys were."

"I guess." I was quiet, as well as a bit flattered, and he went back to his shaving. I just watched him for a while, imagining the many times I'd watched my Dad shave.

"Can I ask you something else, without you getting mad?" Darry put down the razor, done.

"This sounds interesting, coming from you at seven in the morning…"

"I'm serious, Darry… I've been wondering about this, and... I just need somebody to tell me the truth."

"Okay," he rinsed off his face and turned and sat with me on the edge of the tub. It occurred to me how many of his female college football fans would have loved to trade places with me, sitting next to Darry, half-naked, wearing only a towel around his waist. But, to me, he was just Darry, and I had been worrying about what I wanted to ask him ever since I found out why Sandy had really disappeared.

"Why did Sandy's family make her go away?"

"Scout, she was pregnant."

"I know that, Darry, but… it wasn't her _fault_. She didn't do anything wrong."

"Her family was embarrassed, I assume. They were worried about what people would say."

"But… she needed them. I mean, why doesn't anybody get embarrassed on the boy's side? Why isn't it bad for the boy, too? It takes two, right? Why does just the girl have to feel bad?"

"Scout, what are you really asking me, here? You know how everything went down with Sandy."

I was struggling to find the words for what I wanted to ask.

Darry put his hand on my shoulder.

"C'mon. _What?_"

"Just… What if… what if something happened to me, like… with Steve, and I got pregnant? Would you send me away?"

"Scout… that is _not_ going to happen. Nobody is going to hurt you again."

"That's not what I asked. _Would you?_ Send me away, just because I was having a baby? Even if it wasn't my fault?"

"No." He shook his head. "_No._ I wouldn't send you away. Why are you worrying about this? You're not thinking about doing anything that _could_ get you pregnant, are you?"

"Darry, I'm _twelve_. No way."

"I know how old you are. Ben's not giving you a hard time about anything, is he?"

"_No._ Not at all. I just wondered. Because of Sandy… how they made her leave. I don't get that, when you love somebody, why you would send them away, just for a mistake, or... not _even_ that."

"Well, stop worrying," he said. "You're not Sandy. And I'm not _her _dad, I'm _your _brother. And as long as we pass muster with the state on Thursday, nobody's leaving. Now, I gotta go get dressed."

"I'll start breakfast," I said, hearing Pony and Soda stirring in their room. "Bacon and eggs okay?" I wasn't much good at anything else.

"Perfect," Darry answered, running his hand down the back of my braid. "I still have no idea how you do that."

"Magic," I said. "Mom's magic."

And I headed off to start breakfast, smiling.

……………………….

**A/N: I know summer's here and we're all busy, but I love reviews. Summer will get busier… just working on the family dynamic a bit.**


	23. The Project

All of us seemed to have a good night's sleep, and conversation at breakfast was plentiful – lively, even. It was certainly a change from our school-day morning conversations. Summer had just put us all in better moods, it seemed.

Soda promised to dig out the lawn mower while I was babysitting, and Pony was off to work, too, Darry dropping him off at the bowling alley before he brought me over to the Karis' house. Coach came out to talk to Darry in the driveway, handing off Laura to me and telling me he'd be right in. I wondered what the two of them were talking about, but was glad to see Darry smiling and laughing as they talked.

Coach came back in, briefly, to say goodbye and then, again, it was just Laura and me. It was so nice outside that after a while I decided to take her outside to play around in the grass. I brought out a few toys and she was so funny, just running wildly from one spot to another.

As I followed her around the house, I was laughing along with her as we came to the side of the house where I had seen the neighbor tending to her garden the previous day. She was there, again, pulling weeds. Laura clearly knew her, as she ran right over and hugged her.

"Well, hello, Laura! Did you come to help me with my flowers?" The woman turned as I called Laura and she ran back toward me.

"Sorry," I apologized to the woman. "She's quick."

"Oh, no apologies necessary," the woman said, turning around and standing, taking off her gardening gloves. "She's a doll. Are you the summer babysitter?"

"That's me," I said, offering my hand. "Nice to meet you. I'm Scout. I know Mr. Karis from school, I'm on his basketball team."

"Well, nice to meet you, too, Scout. I'm Linda. I'm sure Mike and Barbara must think a whole lot of you if they trust you with Laura." I blushed, a little, I could feel it.

"Your flowers are so pretty," I said, picking up Laura as she begged, tugging at my skirt. "I'm thinking of trying to plant some flowers at my house – what's your secret?"

"Well… this is the first summer we've lived here – my husband just accepted a job here in Tulsa. I'm not used to gardening here in the south – I'm from Boston, so I'm afraid I'm no expert about gardening down here. I could give you some cuttings, though, with no guarantee that they'll live," she laughed.

"Cuttings… its that like, baby flowers?"

"Sort of, yeah. Are you interested?" She seemed so sincerely nice.

"Yeah, definitely." I was pretty excited. I really did want to make our yard look better. Laura was falling asleep against me, though.

"I, uh… let me go put her down for her nap, and I'll be right back," I said.

"No problem. I'll be here." She went back to her weeding.

I brought Laura in and got her bottle from the fridge. She was pretty much asleep the minute I set her down in the crib.

I opened her window so I could hear if she cried and went back outside. Linda had already made some cuttings for me, and she explained how to plant each one, to make sure it took root.

I was still talking to her when a car pulled into her driveway and a man got out wearing hospital clothes. He looked vaguely familiar as he came over and he recognized me before I did him.

"Scout?" Immediately I remembered him. It was Dr. Bryant, the doctor who took care of me in the hospital after I got found in the woods.

"Dr. Bryant! You live here?"

"I take it you two have met…" his wife said, looking amused.

"Scout was my patient a few months back. How are you? How's your brother doing?"

"Great… we're all doing good. Except, well, my brother Soda has a broken arm. He crashed his car. I had to get some stitches too, but I think I get them out on Friday." The hospital in Muskogee had just told Darry to take me to the emergency room after a week or so to have them taken out. Dr. Bryant took a quick look at them.

"Looks like it's healing nicely. So… what are you doing here?" I realized that finding me in his yard talking gardening with his wife had to be unexpected, to say the least.

"Oh," I laughed. "I'm babysitting, for the Karises. Mr. Karis is my basketball coach. So, I'm watching Laura while he teaches summer school. She's taking a nap."

"Well, it certainly is a small world. Funny, Mike and I never made that connection, that we both knew you. Though we had just moved in right around when you were in the hospital, so I guess maybe we hadn't talked much back then."

"It is kind of funny," I agreed. "He came to see me in the hospital, and everything."

"And I knew you played basketball, and that he was a coach…I just never made the connection."

"Well… surprise, I guess," I laughed.

"A good one, too, he said. It's nice to see my patients looking well instead of sick."

Right then, Laura started to cry and I had to excuse myself.

"It was real nice to see you again, Dr. Bryant, and nice to meet you, Mrs. Bryant. Thanks for the plants."

"Call me Linda," she said, "and you're welcome. I'm doing a lot of pruning this week so I'll set aside some more for you." That would make Darry happy, me getting the plants and flowers for free.

"Thanks. I guess I'll see you around later, then."

"Bye, Scout," they both called as I sprinted inside and found Laura standing up in her crib, yelling my name.

"Cowt! _Cowt!_" She hadn't quite mastered the "sc" sound yet.

"_Up!_" she demanded, right away. I picked her up and changed her and the two of us played on the living room floor for half an hour or so until her Dad came home. It tugged at my heart, a little, those father-daughter reunion moments, knowing mine were over.

"How'd it go today?" he asked, picking up Laura as she giggled with joy to see him.

"Fine. I met your neighbors over there." I pointed to the Bryant's house.

"Oh, the Bryants? Nice couple. They haven't lived there very long, but we really like them. And they're great with Laura."

"Yeah, the funny thing is, I already knew Dr. Bryant. He was my doctor when I was in the hospital."

"That _is_ funny, especially since I visited you and everything. We probably passed right by each other there, but didn't know we were neighbors yet! Hey, what's with all the plants in the driveway?"

"Oh, I told Mrs. Bryant that I wanted to plant some stuff in my yard and she gave me some cuttings. I can have Darry pick them up tomorrow morning, I mean, if you don't want them messing up your car or anything."

"Scout, you've seen my car. It's not exactly clean." His car _was _pretty messy. "We can just stick them in the trunk. They won't die, it's only ten minutes to your house."

"Okay." We went out to the car and he opened the trunk so I could put the plants in while he put Laura in her car seat.

Soda was sitting on the porch waiting for me when I got home. I was sure he had been bored out of his mind home alone all morning. I was surprised that Two-Bit wasn't there to keep him entertained. He watched with interest as I took the plants out of Coach's trunk, but didn't move to help.

"Coach… that's my brother Sodapop up there. Soda – this is Coach Karis."

"Scout, I know who he is." I forgot that Soda used to go to the school where he was a teacher. "Nice to see you, Mr. Karis."

"You too, Soda," he said. "See you tomorrow, Scout," he said, and I heard Laura from the back seat.

"Bye, bye, Cowt."

"I'm _so_ bored," Soda said, the second I came through the gate.

"Well, at least you're not smoking or sleeping."

" Actually, I just woke up. And I'm all outta smokes."

"Oh. Did you clean?"

"I started," he said, though when I peeked through the door the living room looked pretty much the same as when I had left it that morning.

"Hey, Soda, remember my doctor from when I was in the hospital? Dr. Bryant?"

"Kind of, why?"

"Turns out he's my coach's neighbor. His wife gave me all these plants for free."

You really think you can clean this up?" Soda looked skeptically at the yard.

"Anything would be an improvement," I said, and he agreed.

"Did you get out the mower for me?" I could tell by his face that he forgot.

"I'll get it now," he said, and headed around the house to the side yard. I stayed a good ten feet away from the shed. It was just creepy. Soda thought he was pretty hilarious to come of there out with a daddy-longlegs on his arm and chase me around the yard with it while I screamed. Ben must have heard us, and he came out of his house to see what all the screaming was about.

"What's going on?" he asked, as I hid behind him.

"Soda's being a jerk!" I yelled.

"No I'm not," Soda said, dropping the spider to the ground. Ben stomped on it.

"Why do you guys torture her?" Ben asked.

"My thoughts exactly," I said. "Thank you, Ben. Never mind, Soda. I'll just have Ben get it for me, since he doesn't feel the need to prey on my worst fears."

"I was just kidding, Scout, I wasn't going to put it on you or anything."

"It doesn't matter. They still creep me out. I just don't even like to see them."

"What do you need me to get?" Ben asked.

"The lawnmower, from the shed," I said. "And get the spiders off it."

"No problem," he said, going off to get it for me. Soda disappeared into the house, me warning him that he'd better pick up a bit before Darry got home. Ben pulled out the mower and sprayed it with the hose to clean it off.

I stood and stared, trying to figure out how the heck you started the thing. Once it was started, I was pretty sure I could handle it, it was just a matter of pushing it around, and our yard was pretty flat.

"Now you just have to show me how to start it," I said, and Ben looked surprised.

"Wait, _you're_ gonna cut the grass?"

"Well, yeah, what'd you think?"

"I dunno, I thought Soda was gonna do it, and you were just gonna… _supervise_, or something."

"Uh, no. This is my 'cleaning up' job. The State's coming to check up on us on Thursday, so I'm trying to fix up the yard a little."

"Darry's okay with you mowing the lawn?"

"No, actually, he's worried I'm gonna cut my toes off, but he doesn't want to have to do it after work, and the other two are way too lazy, so…that leaves me. Just start it for me and I'll be fine."

"I'll do it."

"What? _Why?_"

"I'm not gonna sit back and watch while my girlfriend cuts the grass. I'd feel like a jerk." He hadn't ever actually called me his girlfriend before, and I felt something warm rising in the pit of my stomach.

"Why? You think I'm too weak to push it or something?" I pretended not to notice what he'd just said.

"No, not at all. I just don't think a girl should have to do it."

"Oh, right, I should be inside, cooking and cleaning, I suppose?"

"That's not what I meant. And isn't that what _Soda's _in there doing, anyway?" he joked. "Look, I'm _trying _to be a gentleman here, would you let me?" He pulled me up against him and kissed my neck, gently.

"If you insist," I said, smiling. I was still thinking – _he called me his girlfriend!_ "I have to plant the plants I got before they die, anyway."

Ben started the mower and I ran around the yard ahead of him, picking up stuff and moving it out of the way. Darry was right about the cinderblocks – they were way too heavy for me, so I ended up shoving them, rolling them end over end until they were over to the side of the yard. Soda saw me struggling and must have felt guilty when he looked out and saw Ben mowing our yard because he came out and helped me as best he could with his good hand.

"Darry's gonna kill us for moving these," he said.

"We can say Pony and Ben did it, if he asks."

"Okay."

Soda helped me plant the flowers along the front of the house and Ben finished up just around the same time we did. He came up and sat on our porch with us, and I gave him a hug, even though he was all sweaty.

"Thanks, Ben, you're my hero," I joked as I kissed him on the cheek.

"Aw, shucks," he feigned embarrassment.

"Can I get you a soda?"

"That would be great."

"You, too?" I asked Soda.

"Oh, even people who aren't your hero get waitress service too? Way to make a brother look bad, Ben. You being all manly and everything, now we'll all look like bad brothers, if we ever make Scout mow."

I nodded at him, smiling.

"Promise you'll keep all spiders away from me in the future?"

He hesitated, then laughed.

"Promise."

"Okay, then." I went in and grabbed Pepsis for all three of us and we sat out on the porch, talking, waiting for Darry and Pony to come home and tell us what they thought of our handiwork.

............................**  
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**A/N: I promise I will make up for this slow pace with some excitement soon! Thanks for your awesome reviews!**


	24. The Doorbell

Darry's truck rattled up right on schedule, with Pony in the passenger seat. They both came through the gate with somewhat astonished looks on their faces.

"Holy crap," Ponyboy said, looking around the yard.

"I didn't think it would make this much of a difference," Darry added. "I forgot, I guess… I mean, Scout, this place looks almost…"

"Respectable," Pony finished for him.

"Yeah," he said. "Where'd you get the flowers?"

"Well, that's a funny story," I started, and proceeded to tell them how I ended up meeting Dr. Bryant's wife and she had given me all the plants and flowers for free. "She's gonna save some more for me, too."

"Cool. Seriously, I forgot what this place looked like, cleaned up. Great job, Scout." Darry tossed his toolbelt onto the porch and peeked around the side of the house.

"Actually, Ben did the mowing."

"Really?" Darry sounded glad. "You still got all your toes, Ben?"

"Yeah." He laughed.

"Well, seriously, it does make a huge difference in making this place not looking like an abandoned property or something. I guess we needed a girl's touch around here," Darry said, as he tugged on a braid.

"Well, you boys stay out of my flowers," I said, and they laughed, quietly, all of us remembering Mom saying that.

"She'd really like it, that you did this," Ponyboy said, smiling. While I had been closest with Dad, he had always been closer to Mom. Not that we loved one or the other better, or that they favored any of us – we all just tended to gravitate more towards one or the other.

"I hope so," I said softly, and everyone was quiet for a minute.

"So, what's for dinner, Soda?" Darry asked. Soda had actually volunteered to make dinners while he wasn't working. Soda immediately took on the same expression that he'd had earlier when I asked him about the mower.

"_Soda!_ What the heck did you do all day? I wouldn't have made you help me out here if I knew you hadn't cooked anything!" I fake punched him, but he easily stopped my fist with his good hand.

"That sounds like my signal to leave," Ben said, standing up and giving me a quick peck on the cheek, while I whispered a thank you in his ear. That whole tongue business wasn't going to go over well in front of my brothers, we both knew that.

"I forgot," Soda said, standing up. In his case, forgetting was believable. "I've been so bored I can't even think. What do you guys want?"

"Something fast," Darry said. "Like, _by the time I get out of the shower_ fast. I'm starving."

"All three of you are always starving," I said, following Soda into the kitchen. Darry headed for the shower, and Pony dropped onto the couch.

Knowing that Darry was going to be in the shower, I climbed up on the counter to see what was in the cabinets while Soda was looking in the refrigerator. I hadn't been up there more than ten seconds when Darry's voice came booming down the hallway from the bathroom.

"_Scout! Get down!"_

"What the heck?" I turned to Soda and he grabbed my arm as I jumped down. "How does he know that?"

"You're getting predictable, Scout," Pony called from the living room. "Time to learn some new tricks."

"I think _tricks_ is the last thing Darry wants to see, coming from her," Soda said, and they both laughed as I tried again, unsuccessfully, to punch him in the gut.

"Looks like pasta again, my friends," Soda said, pulling out a box of pasta and a can of sauce. I grabbed some meatballs I had stuck in the freezer the last time we made them, and dumped them into the pan where Soda had set the sauce to simmer. I was just grabbing a spoon to start stirring when the phone rang and I heard Pony answer. He yelled for me.

I knew before he even told me that it was going to be Anna. I had been able to put her out of my mind with all that had happened since the night she dragged me to that party – the babysitting, changing rooms, the call from Social Services – but there was no more putting off talking to her.

Pony handed me the phone and had the good sense to go into the kitchen with Soda and leave me alone. I dragged the phone as far away as I could, to the far end of the couch, and, for the first time ever, I was glad to have a brother like Sodapop who just constantly created noise. Pans and spoons were banging away. Hopefully they wouldn't be able to hear me in there.

"Hello?" I acted like I didn't know who it was, though I was sure she'd heard Pony tell me it was her.

"Scout? It's Anna." She sounded sincerely upset, but I wasn't going to give her the benefit of any sympathy. Not then, anyway.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry, Scout. I'm _really_ sorry." The minute she said it, she started crying, and I had to struggle not to cry myself. I didn't answer right away.

"Please don't hate me," she whispered. "_I'm so sorry_."

"You really messed up, Anna," I said, my voice unsteady. I could deal with problems between Anna and me, but I couldn't deal very well with the idea of what could have been permanently changed between me and Darry because of what she'd done.

"I know. I _know_. What can I say… to make you forgive me?"

"I don't know. You're messing up your _own_ life, Anna. You were _so_ drunk… that guy could have done whatever he wanted to you if I hadn't been there. I know how that is, and I don't want that to happen to _you!_"

"I know… _Thank you_. I was _stupid_."

"Yeah, you _were_. And as bad as it was for you, and besides what could have happened to you, did you ever think about how selfish you were being by getting _me_ involved? You _know_ what my situation is – you _know_ what would happen if the cops had shown up!" Now I was having a hard time controlling the volume of my voice, and Darry came out of the bathroom and stood in his towel in the doorway, looking concerned.

"It's Anna," I heard Pony tell him, and he turned and went into his bedroom.

"I _know,_ Scout, I can't say I'm sorry any more than I am. I messed up."

"Do you have _any idea_ how upset I made Darry? Oh, right, of course you don't, because you were _passed out_, and he had to _carry_ you home! God, Anna, he wouldn't even _talk _to me, he was so mad. I need him, and you made him not trust me. I trusted you, and you _lied_ to me!"

"I'm sorry." She could hardly even talk.

"Well, it might be a while before you can tell me that in person, because Darry doesn't want me hanging around with you for a while. You're gonna have to convince _him_ to trust you again, because he thinks you're a bad influence on me. And the way you've been acting, I agree!"

"Do you hate me?" She was still crying and so was I, by that point, thinking again about how bad it had felt to have Darry so mad at me.

I hesitated.

"Scout, _please_. You're my best friend." I felt bad not returning the compliment, but there was no question that Ben was holding pretty solid in his place as my best friend. I certainly trusted him completely, and I couldn't say that about Anna.

"I don't hate you, Anna," I said, "but I have to follow Darry's rules. I can't be hanging around you if you're doing dumb stuff – I could lose my whole family. I can't take that chance."

"I won't mess up again."

Darry came out of his bedroom, dressed, and stood in the doorway again.

"Look, Anna, I have to go, we're having dinner. I'll talk to you later in the week, okay? It's just really busy around here… the State is coming to check on us, so we're cleaning, and I'm babysitting for coach K.… I really hafta go."

"Okay." She sounded really upset, but I didn't know what to say. She was the one who'd made the dumb mistake. I was just glad it hadn't been worse, for me.

"Bye, Anna."

"Bye… Scout?"

"Yeah?"

"I really am sorry."

"I know. Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and sat back against the couch, wiping my eyes and sighing. Darry came over and sat on the edge of the couch.

"You did good," he said. "What I heard of it, anyway."

"It was hard," I said. "I'm so _mad_… she _lied_ to me. She made you not trust me."

"I do trust you. It was my mistake, too. You know that. We're good, baby. It's not always easy, the whole growing up thing." He gave my braid another tug, and I leaned against him.

"She feels bad."

"She _should_. Hopefully she learned her lesson."

"I hope so."

"C'mon," Darry pulled me up. "Time to eat Soda's gourmet cuisine."

"Hey, Dar?" I asked as he dragged me into the kitchen where Soda and Pony were already sitting at the table.

"What?"

"We need a longer phone cord."

That was met with agreement all around, and we all dug into Soda's fancy Italian dinner.

……………………………

After dinner, Sandy came over, with Two-Bit again, and they were sitting around in the living room talking with Soda and Pony when the doorbell rang. I had just finished with the dishes and was drying my hands, so I ignored it, until the bell rang again.

"_Is somebody getting that_?" Darry yelled from his bedroom.

"I got a lady on my lap," Soda said.

"I'm injured," Two-Bit said. Pony said nothing; he just stared at the Western he was watching on TV. I threw the dishtowel in the sink, and grumbled about my lazy family as I climbed over all of their legs to get to the front door. Someone was knocking just as I got there, and stopped abruptly as I pulled the door open.

I had been expecting Ben – Kevin, maybe, or Tim… maybe even Anna, since I knew she was so upset… I definitely hadn't expected to be staring into the crying face of the person I found standing there on the porch. I stepped backward, not even sure what had frightened me… it certainly wasn't… _her_. Soda knew right away something was off.

"Who is it, Scout?" I saw him slide Sandy off his lap and move to stand up.

I couldn't talk; I just pulled the door open fully to reveal who was there.

"It's me," Evie said softly.

………………….

**A/N: Finally, all of you who have been wondering about what became of Steve… stay tuned. Thanks as always for your comments. It's funny to me when some of you thank me in reviews… funny to get thanked for something I enjoy writing so much! Thank YOU for reading!**


	25. The Reason

"Evie…" Sandy said, with what seemed like a mixture of surprise and sadness. I was slowly backing away from the door, my heart beating a mile a minute.

"Is he with you… _Steve?_" I asked, feeling a bit like if she said yes I might drop dead right there on the carpet. I had forgotten all about her - about her being all tied up in the whole Steve situation just as much as the rest of us.

"No," she answered. "I would never bring him here, Scout, after…" She was having trouble talking without crying. Darry had come out of his room to see who was at the door and I could see him watching all of us, gauging our reactions.

"Did he… did he hurt you, too?" I wasn't actually sure if I wanted to know.

"_No_," she shook her head. "I swear, Scout – and Sandy… I never knew. I had no idea. Why didn't you _tell_ me, Sandy?"

Sandy had tears running down her cheeks now, too, and Soda had sat back down and was holding her against him. Darry came over and stood behind me, his hands around my shoulders. I wondered if he could feel my heart, still pounding.

"I was _scared_," Sandy finally said quietly. "That nobody would believe me, or that you'd think it was my fault, like I _wanted_ to. I was _ashamed_… I mean, he was my boyfriend's best friend… and my best friend's boyfriend." Soda pulled her in tighter, and I could see in his face that it was killing him to know the shame that both Sandy and I felt for something we didn't ever want to do. Sandy sobbed against him and Soda whispered in her ear. I felt Darry pull me in tighter, and Two-Bit glanced at me with concern while I wiped the tears off my face.

"Where is he?" Darry finally asked. I was torn between not wanting to know and _needing_ to know.

"In the hospital," Evie answered. "He tried to kill himself, Darry."

I heard Soda react, but couldn't read the emotion behind it at all.

"Scout, maybe you shouldn't…" Soda looked at Darry, obviously questioning whether I should even be present for this conversation.

"No," I said, determined to stay. "I want to know. I _deserve_ to know."

I heard Darry sigh but he didn't tell me I had to leave.

"It was the drugs," Evie said. "He couldn't control it – the drinking and the drugs…He _called_ me, the day after, telling me he wanted to die, because he'd lost everything that mattered to him. I didn't know, yet, about you Scout… or Sandy… About what he'd done...He took the whole bottle."

"Is he…I mean, did he… hurt himself, bad?" Darry was asking the questions that I knew Soda _wanted_ to be asking, it just didn't seem appropriate for Soda to be the one asking.

"No. I called the ambulance right away and they got to him on time. He's… okay, I mean, physically, but emotionally… They got him off the drugs, he went through all the hell of that and wouldn't talk to me the whole time, wouldn't talk to _anyone_. Like he really was dead."

"So why are you here, now? We're supposed to feel bad? He hurt the two girls I care about most in the world." Soda sounded bitter, and just plain hurt.

"Nobody's feeling worse about that right now than he is," Evie said, barely whispering, staring at her toes. Nobody was expecting the next thing she said.

"They put his Dad in jail."

"About damned time, that bastard's been deserving it for years, hittin' a kid like that." Two-Bit had always had it out for Steve's dad for beating on him.

"It's worse than that," Evie went on. "It's worse than any of us thought. He was …" she stopped, looking at Soda, with tears in her eyes. "He was… his dad was _raping_ him, Soda. Since he was just a kid." She looked apologetically at Darry, and I was sure that was for having this conversation with me and Pony in the room. I felt my stomach clench; I hated the thought of that happening to anyone, even if it was the same person who hurt me.

"Jesus Christ," Two-Bit said, under his breath, and I felt Darry tense up around me.

"I know… I never knew, either. He was hiding it , all this time – the drugs, they were an escape… but once the got him off the drugs and they started therapy with him… he just let everything out, just broke down. They arrested his father right away – there was plenty of evidence, I guess." Evie sniffed and wiped her eyes.

"Jesus," Soda said, his hand in his head, looking like the whole ordeal was about to break him as well.

"I understand if you don't care – I understand if you all hate him, for what he did. I understand if you hate _me_, Sandy, for not figuring out what was going on – but he _asked_ me to come here. He wants to talk to you, Soda. He knows you probably don't want anything to do with him, but I promised I'd ask. And I just thought that you all should know. Not that it makes anything okay, just… it's a reason. Not an _excuse_, but… a reason."

"I never blamed you for anything, Evie," Sandy said. "I knew you didn't know… I didn't want you to know… or Soda, either."

Nobody said anything.

"They transferred him to the University Hospital, downtown, to the psychiatric ward… but he's not crazy, or anything. He's just sad, and scared, and alone… and _sorry_. Most of all, sorry. He really doesn't have, well, _anyone_."

We were all too confused about our feelings, I think, to be able to say anything.

"Well, thanks for listening. I guess I'll just see y'all around then." Evie turned to leave.

"Wait!" Sandy called after her. "How'd you get here?" she asked.

"I took the bus."

"Let me drive you home," Sandy offered, and Soda gave her a questioning look. Sandy nodded at him and gave him a kiss, standing up. "Darry, do you think you could drive Two-Bit home? I kinda want to talk to Evie, alone."

"No problem," Darry answered, his hands holding tight on my shoulders.

"Thanks," Sandy said, heading out the door. "I'll talk to you tomorrow after work, okay Soda?"

"Okay," Soda said. He looked completely overwhelmed. Soda always had a hard time handling more than one feeling at a time, and was clearly struggling with the tangled web of emotions this had stirred up in us all.

The door closed behind them and we all were still and silent. Darry guided me over to the couch and sat me down, nudging Pony into the middle, next to Soda, and sitting himself down on the armrest.

"I didn't want… I never wanted for him to _die_," I said, finally.

"We know that, Scout," Darry said. "But he can't expect anyone to just forgive what he did, and forget about it, either."

"I know," I replied, "but part of me wishes we could." I would have given just about anything to erase everything that had happened and go back to the way things had been before any of this mess. But I knew it was unrealistic.

"Somebody was hurting him, too," Pony finally said. "His anger… his attitude…I guess I can kinda see where it came from, now. He was hiding so much. Why didn't he ever say anything?"

"I know exactly why," I said. "He was ashamed. And scared." Pony grabbed my hand, which was surprising, but not unwelcome.

"We wouldn't o' judged him… I would killed that sonofabitch, though." Two-Bit looked as confused as I'd ever seen him.

"That's just… not how it works, Two-Bit. When it's happening to you, nothing makes sense. You think it's your fault… or that everyone else will think that, at least. Probably the only people who understand why I never said anything are Sandy… and …well, _Steve_."

"_I _understand," Pony said, rubbing my hand.

"He was always jealous of our family, I guess because we had parents who treated us right," Soda admitted. "He never hated you guys," he looked across at me and Pony, "he was jealous. Still, just because somebody's hurtin' you don't make it right to go hurtin' somebody else!" I could actually _see_ Soda struggling between guilt, pain, and anger.

"Evie was right, Soda… about the drugs. He wasn't in control. That night… he wasn't _Steve_ – not even the Steve that's always been mean to me. He was something else. The next time I saw him, he was just Steve again. But, _that night_… it didn't seem like him. That night… it was the same Steve that freaked out after our card game."

"He was definitely strung out that night." Darry said, matter-of-factly. I knew it the second he came in the door."

"He threw the rock. That night, in my window; I know it was him. Just from the way he looked at me, when he left, I knew he would come back. I'm so glad you stayed with me, that night. He wasn't just Steve." I leaned against Darry's waist, next to me on the armrest, and hugged him.

"What a waste," Darry said. "It's just sick, all of it. I hope his father rots in jail. Anybody who would do that to a kid - their own kid. _Jesus_."

The more I thought about it all, the more sick and confused I felt. Steve's dad had hurt him; and as a result, he had hurt Sandy and me, which had hurt Soda, and, by default, had hurt Pony and Darry … and, now, Evie, too. A giant chain reaction of pain.

There were things I knew, for sure: I was still afraid of Steve. I might never trust him alone with me, again. But my heart hurt for Soda, who had been so torn between his allegiances, just as I had been torn between Anna and Darry. A part of me hurt for Steve, too, in a way I couldn't even understand myself, but I knew it was _real_, the pain I felt for him.

I'd had Darry and Tim and Pony and Soda, Ben and all the other people who helped me get through what he did to me – who knows what might have become of me if I had been all alone, left to my own devices. I might have turned to drugs, too – God knows, I had been searching for something – _anything_, to stop the pain and fear.

Steve had done bad things _– really_ bad things, but I just didn't think it made any sense for anybody to have to suffer any more than they already had. I had turned the corner and was feeling better…. I didn't want anyone suddenly going backward. If Steve needed Soda and he never came, who was to say he wouldn't head right back down the same path he'd been on, and hurt somebody else, or – God forbid – come back after me again. I turned and looked at Soda, letting go of Pony's hand and picking up Soda's. He looked up, a hint of tears in his eyes.

"I don't know what I should do," he whispered. "He hurt you…" I squeezed his hand.

"I think you should go see him," I whispered back, and everyone, even Two-Bit, was silent.

………………..

**A/N: Okay, I know this has been a long time coming, and, just for the record, I **_**don't**_** hate Steve's canon character. Part of the goal of writing this fic was to write a realistic portrayal of a sexual assault, as opposed to the "I got raped yesterday but now I am perfectly okay and in love with my rapist/the perfect strangers who rescued me" version that is so prevalent in this fandom, and terribly inaccurate.**

**The statistics all agree that most assaults on juveniles are committed by someone they know, in the victim's own home, under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Steve just fit the bill. You would have kind of seen this chapter coming if you read my one-shot "Looking For the Whales," though it is slightly different, since the Scout series stands alone, and all of my one-shots are sister-free (to appease the haters :-)****.) If you didn't see this coming, I hope the content of this chapter did not offend you. **

**Seriously, you are the most loyal and awesome readers and reviewers and I really appreciate that you take the time to comment on my story! There's a lot more to come this summer!**


	26. The Invitation

We all just sat there, absorbing the news we had just received and thinking about what Evie had asked Soda, and what I had said I thought he should do.

"Uh... I'm gonna go see what else needs to be cleaned up… in the kitchen," Two-Bit finally said, getting up and hopping into the kitchen. He could see that we needed some alone time. Not that I minded him being there for the conversation, I pretty much considered him family.

"Are you sure?" Darry asked me. "I mean, just because people are upset, Scout, don't agree to something you don't want happening."

"You're finally doing better," Pony added, "is this gonna be a step backward for you?"

I thought about what they were saying and honestly, if anything, I felt like getting some closure would help far more than it would hurt.

"No, I _want_ you to go, Soda… I mean, unless you don't want to."

"I'm not sure what I want. I'm totally confused."

"Nothing has to be decided tonight," Darry said. "Take your time, Soda."

"Yeah," he muttered. Confusion was not an emotion Soda enjoyed, because it usually involved some degree of deep thinking in order to be resolved, and Soda, while a fan of taking apart and studying machinery, did _not_ like taking apart and analyzing his own feelings.

I got up and went around to the side of the couch where Soda was sitting. He had his head in his hand on the armrest, so I knelt on the floor next to him and held his arm. He lifted up his head and looked down at me.

"If you want to talk about it… I mean, if you need to ask me about anything, or talk to me, it's okay. I can talk about it. Not to everybody – not to _most_ people – but, to you… it's okay. I trust you." I looked back up at Pony and Darry. "All of you. I trust all of you."

"Good," Darry said, "but I don't want you agreeing to something just because you think it's what everyone else wants to do."

"I'm not. I really think Soda should go talk to him."

All three brothers were quiet.

All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door, surprising us, and we all jumped, and I even yelled, a little. It broke the tension and we all laughed. Soda stood up.

"It's probably Sandy… she said she was coming back over after she brought Evie home." He opened the door to reveal not Sandy, but Ben. I stood up.

"Hey," he said, to all of us, but mostly Darry. "I was wondering if I could talk to Scout… just for a few minutes." I found myself praying that Darry would say yes.

"Okay. Not too long, though. It's late."

"Thanks Darry," I said, going over to the door. "We'll just be on the porch, okay?"

"Alright."

I opened the door and Ben took my hand, leading me over to sit down with him on the couch. It had stated to rain, lightly, and there was a cool breeze blowing. It would be good sleeping weather, I thought.

The moment we sat down, Ben leaned over and kissed me, both of us allowing our tongues to explore a bit. I looked nervously toward the front door but nobody came out. I was definitely getting used to this new kind of kissing. He rubbed the back of my neck and I had to laugh, he was tickling me.

"What are you laughing about?" he asked, his face still right up against mine.

"You were tickling me," I said, nuzzling his cheek.

"In a good way?" he asked, turning my head to the side and kissing my neck.

"In a ticklish way," I answered. "So, besides a good night kiss, what do you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, I wanted to ask you something," he said.

"Okay… so ask."

"Well, my church... my _Mom's_ church - is having a dance on Friday. It's for high school kids and the just graduated eighth graders… so, since you qualify, I was wondering if you'd want to go… and maybe take me as your date."

I smiled. It was funny, Ben being older than me but needing me to get him into a dance.

"I think I could handle that," I said. "I hafta ask Darry though."

"I know. I just wanted to ask ahead of time."

"I'll ask him tomorrow," I leaned my head against his neck. "Tonight's been kinda dramatic already."

"Why? What happened?" Ben sounded appropriately concerned.

"You sure you want to know?" I asked.

"If it has to do with you, yeah, I'm sure," Ben said, pulling me tighter against him.

"Well, I found out where Steve is."

"Don't even _tell_ me he showed up at your house."

"No, _he_ didn't. Evie did."

"And? What'd she say?"

"He's in the hospital. He tried to kill himself."

"Good. Too bad he didn't succeed."

"Ben…"

"I'm serious. I want to kill the guy. I still can't believe he did that to you, then had the nerve to come back in your house and act like nothing happened."

"I know, but… I always thought, and now I know, there was more to it…"

"Like what?"

"You know how we all knew about his Dad hitting him, right?"

"Yeah, that doesn't make it okay to go around raping girls."

"His Dad... was raping _him_, Ben. They put him in jail."

"Are you kidding me"

"I would never kid anybody about that."

"I know.. I _know_, I'm sorry. But that still doesn't make what he did to you okay."

"I know. And I don't really see how you go from getting raped to raping somebody else, but, I guess I kind of feel bad for him, a little bit."

"You don't owe that bastard one ounce of sympathy."

"I know I don't _owe_ him anything. But I can't help it if I feel it, a little bit. I mean, I'm still scared of him, I don't want to see him. But he was only really scary and hurting people when he was drugged up, not when he was just the usual Steve. They got him off the drugs."

"I can't believe you feel bad for him. Scout. He hurt you; scared you to death. And we all know you're still not over it."

"I know. I can't explain it. I don't get it myself, I guess."

"So she just came here to tell you that?"

"No... He wants to talk to Soda."

"I hope Soda told her he wouldn't give him the time of day."

"Actually, I think he should go."

"What are you _thinking_, Scout? Have you lost your mind?"

"_No_. I know you don't get it, but can you just not argue with me? I can't help how I feel about it. I've been wondering ever since that night everybody found out about him, where he was, thinking he might come back, wondering what happened to him. If Soda talks to him… maybe I can get some answers – maybe I can not feel so scared anymore."

He pulled me tight against him and kissed the top of my head.

"You're right; I shouldn't be telling you what to do. You know what's best for you. I'm sorry."

I looked up and kissed his chin.

"You're forgiven."

"Scout, back inside. It's getting late." Darry yelled through the window.

"Guess I gotta go," I said.

He pulled me against him and kissed me one more time. I waited until he pulled away this time. The kiss felt good, safe, and I would have been satisfied to sit there all night except for the fact that I knew Darry would be peeking out the door any minute. It turned out to be somebody else who caught us off guard.

"Well, I guess Soda wasn't lying when he said you two had gotten pretty close while I was gone," Sandy commented, coming up the steps. Both of us jumped up, and I felt my face flush. Ben gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

"Night, Scout," he said, and was gone.

I went in the door ahead of Sandy. Soda looked up from the couch and saw my red face and laughed.

"What'd you just get caught doing?"

"Nothing," I said, walking past him into my room. I heard him interrogating Sandy as soon as I left. Darry went in to tell them he was driving Two-Bit home, but Sandy said she was leaving again in a few minutes, so she would take him home. I lay back on my bed and listened to them all talking. Finally, I heard Sandy and Two-Bit leave. Darry and Soda were talking for a while in hushed tones, and I was sure it was about Steve. I'm pretty sure I heard my name at least a few times.

Eventually, I got ready for bed and walked down to brush my teeth, but Pony was already in the bathroom, so I went back to my room and sat on my bed. Soda went off to his room and Darry stopped at my door on his way by.

"You can come in," I said, when I saw him peering through the crack. He came in and shut the door behind him, so obviously he didn't want either Soda or Pony to hear whatever he had to say.

He sat down on my spare bed and looked across at me.

"I don't want you to be making decisions based on what you think other people want. I want you to take care of _you_. Not Soda, not Evie, not me."

"I am. I want Soda to talk to him."

"Are you sure, baby? _ Why?_"

I took a deep breath. Darry wasn't any more likely to understand any empathy I felt towards Steve than Ben had been, so I decided to go with my other reasons.

"I need to know more," I said. "I want to know why, why _me_? I mean, does he feel bad? I can't _explain_ it, really. I just feel like if Soda talks to him it might make me less scared, knowing what is going on with him now. I know it makes everybody mad and frustrated, but I'm still scared sometimes that it's gonna happen again, that he'll come back."

"It won't happen," he answered, "and you certainly don't make us mad, by being scared. I don't know where you're getting that idea."

"I just feel stupid, and needy, like everybody is having to reassure me all the time."

"We don't mind. We want you to feel safe."

"I know. I think I'll actually feel better... safer... if Steve isn't such a mystery anymore, if Soda talks to him."

"I guess I can see how you would feel that way," he agreed.

Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you get… I mean, I don't understand why when somebody is being hurt, it would make them want to hurt somebody else. Do you think it was because of the drugs? Or because of his Dad hurting him? What do you think made him hurt me, and Sandy, really?"

"I honestly don't know. A little of both, maybe. I guess maybe that's an answer Soda can try to find out for you, if he decides he wants to go. I told him to sleep on it."

"Okay." I stood up. "Do you need me for something else? I gotta go brush my teeth."

"Not really. I just wanted to make sure you were okay – after all that happened tonight."

"I'm okay."

"Good." He stood up and patted me on the back. "I'll see you in the morning, then." We both walked out into the hallway and I headed into the bathroom.

"Night, Darry," I called after him.

"Night, kiddo," he said. "Sleep tight."

"I will." It seemed to get a little bit easier every night.

........................

**A/N: I hope I didn't freak anybody out with what I revealed about Steve in the last chapter. I had assumed a lot of people might have anticipated that from my "Looking for the Whales" one-shot, but, then again, maybe not, and perhaps I should have put a disclaimer at the beginning of that chapter. I only worry because there were so many people who reviewed when Evie was at the door, but not so many after she revealed Steve's "secret." I hope I haven't disappointed anyone! Happy 4th of July to all of my fellow US residents!!**


	27. The Tantrum

The next morning Darry had to wake me up. I begrudgingly opened my eyes as he shook me gently, whispering my name.

"Guess you're used to my morning noises already, huh?" he joked, once I looked up at him.

"I guess so."

"I already made breakfast, so come eat before it gets cold, then you can get dressed." He dragged me up out of the bed and into the kitchen. He'd made me an omelet – just the kind I like, cheese and mushroom, with crispy bacon on the side.

"This is fancy," I said, sitting down, and he laughed. His omelet had just about everything but the kitchen sink in it. I prefer to separate my meat from my eggs.

"So, how's the babysitting going, so far?" he asked as he downed just about an entire glass of milk in one sip.

"Good. So far, she's been really easy."

"I knew you could do it," he said, and I had to smile.

"Yeah, well, how about you? How's your job going?"

"Pretty good. The house I'm working on is almost done, but the guy next door up and decided he wants a new roof, too."

"That's good. He must have seen that you do a good job." I waited a second, then added, "Hey, Dar, did those guys from that fight ever bother you again?"

"Haven't heard a peep from those guys, or seen them, either. Are you still worried about that? I told you, don't worry about me."

"I can't help it… I always worry about you, a little."

"I guess that's a compliment," Darry responded, "but I wish you didn't."

"Well, I do. I know you worry about me too, and I wish you didn't. So I guess we just hafta live with it."

"I guess so," he laughed. We finished eating in silence, until I asked,

"So are we gonna eat like kings every morning before Soda and Pony get up and leave them to eat cereal?" They were usually pretty lazy about cooking breakfast. Darry went all out, and I did, too, but I was only very rarely the first one awake and, therefore, the cook.

"Hey, it's their loss, for being so lazy. I know they hear us awake." Darry laughed and stood up, taking my plate over to the sink along with his.

"Yeah, I guess they could get up," I admitted. I felt a little bit bad because no matter who cooked, they always made sure to leave me some.

"Alright then, Miss Worrywart, go get dressed. I'm gonna take out the trash and I'll meet you outside."

"Okay."

I brushed my teeth and washed my face, pulling my hair back into a ponytail, and threw on some clean clothes. I was just about to head out the front door when I heard Soda call my name.

"Yeah?" I turned around to see him standing in the living room doorway.

"Can I talk to you for a minute, before you go?" I glanced at the clock in the kitchen and saw that I had a few minutes. He sounded serious.

"Okay… is something wrong?"

"No, _no._" He sat down on the couch and pulled me down next to him.

"What?" I stared at him. He looked nervous.

"I think… I think I'm gonna go see him, Scout... Steve, I mean."

"_Today?_"

"Yeah, if Two-Bit will let me take his car. But I won't go if you don't want me to. I mean it. I don't want to do anything that is going to hurt you again."

"You're not... It won't. Are you sure it's what _you _want to do?"

"I'm not sure I'll ever know what I want to do – or what the right thing is. But I feel like I should do this."

"Then I think you should," I said, hugging him. "I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. He hurt _you_, too, Soda… I _know_ that. Not like… physically, I mean, but… he still hurt you."

"Yeah," Soda agreed, sadly.

"Scout, c'mon, we're gonna be late." Darry was suddenly in the screen door. He panicked when he saw me holding on to Soda. "What's the matter? Soda, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Soda answered, getting up and pushing me over toward the door. "You guys have a good day at work."

"Okay..." Darry answered skeptically.

"So what was that all about?" he asked me as soon as we got in the truck.

"He's gonna go see Steve today," I said, looking out the window.

"Are you okay with that?" Darry asked, and I could feel him looking at me, trying to tell if I was lying, even though I didn't turn around.

"Yeah, I just hope _he'll_ be okay. I mean, Steve hurt him, too. I don't want them to get in a fistfight or anything."

"I know," Darry said. "Me neither." We were quiet the rest of the drive. We pulled up in front of Coach's house and I opened the door and turned to jump out.

"Scout, don't worry about Soda. He'll be okay," Darry said.

"I hope so," I answered, looking back at Darry. He nodded.

I shut the door and headed up into the house as Darry backed out and his truck rattled away.

…………………………

I entered the house to the sound of Laura screaming like I had never heard anybody scream before.

"We're not a very happy camper this morning," Coach said over her screams. "Usually when she gets this way she eventually just tires herself out and falls asleep."

"On the floor?"

"Oh yeah, she'll just crash wherever she runs out of steam."

"Okay," I said, wondering exactly how long the screaming would go on. How much steam does a two-year-old have, really?

"Well, I have to go, so… good luck! Call Barbara if you need anything."

"Alright. See you later."

I tried everything I could think of to distract that kid and cheer her up: food, toys, games, television – but she wasn't having any of it. She screamed until I was just about ready to sit down and scream and cry right along with her. And then, just when I thought I couldn't take any more, her screams turned to whimpers and, within minutes, she was out cold on her bedroom rug. Had I not been getting paid to be awake, I probably would have just lay down right there next to her and taken a nap of my own.

Instead, I wandered out into the living room and sat on the couch. I wondered if I used to scream like that, when I was little – I'd have to ask Darry. He remembered me being a baby. Soda did too, a little, but Pony didn't, really. I could remember Pony throwing tantrums when he was older – maybe five – but I realized I'd never know what kind of babies Darry and Soda had been, since the only people who had those answers were gone. Then again, I remembered seeing baby books for each of us in the boxes we'd found in Mom's closet – maybe she'd written about our temperaments in there. I'd have to remember to look.

I was sitting on the couch staring out when I saw Linda from next door come out and get back to work on her garden. I saw that she had put aside some more plants for me and knew Darry would be happy about that. I hadn't expected anyone to be as excited about my yard project as they had been, though I had to admit, it looked good, and hopefully the State lady would like it.

I sat and watched her for a while until I heard Laura talking quietly in her bedroom. I went down the hallway and found her sitting on her rug, playing with blocks. She just sat there, looking up at me, totally happy, as if she had never spent three solid hours that morning screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Hi 'Cowt." I had to laugh. I could see how parents could so easily forgive their kids. All it took was one smile and all was forgotten.

I changed her diaper and took her outside to play until Coach was expected home – I figured Linda might still be out there and I wanted to ask her about how often I'd have to water the plants she gave me in order to keep them alive. Darry liked the yard now but I knew he'd get tired of it pretty fast if the water bill suddenly started going up. He _already_ complained about how long Pony and I each took in the shower every day.

She was out there, sure enough, but she stood up quickly when she saw Laura toddling over.

"Hi Scout – can you pick her up if you're coming over here? I don't want her in the grass near the house."

I did as she said, meeting with small protest from Laura, who definitely preferred her freedom.

"What's wrong with the grass?" I asked, staying on the Karis' side of the line of tall trees that separated the two houses.

"Oh, probably nothing, but we had the foundation sprayed this morning and I don't want to risk her crawling around over here and getting sick. I'm not exactly sure what they use to spray, but I'm guessing it might not be totally baby-safe."

"Sprayed? For what?" The only thing I'd seen people spraying on their houses was water, to clean it.

"Bugs. Spiders, especially. I'm a northern girl, and I don't take too kindly to the warm-weather bugs you Southerners are used to. When Andrew got hired down here, I made him promise he'd keep the bugs out of my house. Outside, I'll deal with them… that's _their_ house. But they'd better stay out of _mine_ if they know what's good for them," she laughed. "We have the exterminator spray once a month."

"Believe me, not all Southern girls can deal with the bugs," I said as I let Laura down, blocking her path into the Bryants' yard. "I'm scared to death of spiders. My brothers think it's funny to tease me about it all the time."

"Well, I guess Northern and Southern brothers have that in common, then."

"I guess so," I laughed. "How many brothers do you have?"

"Two," she said. "One older, one younger. And an older sister. You?"

"Three older brothers. I'm the baby."

"Oh, poor you," she said… all that testosterone. "You and your mom must have a special bond."

I hesitated. People always felt bad when I told them about my parents, even though they had no reason to… who _wouldn't_ assume a twelve year-old still had her parents.

"My parents died last year… in a car accident. My oldest brother takes care of all of us now."

"Oh, Scout… I'm sorry. I didn't know." She looked genuinely sympathetic.

"That's okay… I wouldn't have expected you to." I was momentarily torn away to go head off Laura, who had started heading toward the street. Just as I picked her up to turn her around, Dr. Bryant pulled into his driveway, followed almost immediately by my coach, into his own.

I scooped Laura up and stood in the yard with her until both cars were stopped. The minute Coach got out of his car, she yelled with joy, and the second I set her down she went running to him. He picked her up and came over to talk to me.

"So, how long did the tantrum last?"

"Pretty long. You were right though, It just… stopped."

"Yup. That's how you do it, don't you, little one?" he said, tickling her until she giggled and buried her head in his neck.

"Well, in any case, she certainly felt better after her nap," I said.

"Well, if you don't need anything from the house, I can take you home right now."

"Nope – just the plants from Mrs. Bryant. I'll be right back." I ran over to grab them and decided to ask about the watering the next day – she and Dr. Bryant were busy talking. Just as I turned to go to the car, Dr. Bryant called me back.

"_Scout?_"

"Yeah?" I turned, wondering if maybe he didn't want his wife giving me all this free stuff.

"I was wondering, do you think your brother would be okay with me taking out those stitches for you? It would save him a trip to the ER – I could do it right here."

I knew what he meant was that it would save him the _price _of the ER. And that was an idea I liked, for sure. And Darry probably would, too.

"I'll have to ask him, but I don't see why not."

"Okay, well, just have him come a little early tomorrow, and come over and ring my bell. I wouldn't want to do it without him there. But it's no problem, and it will only take a couple of minutes."

"Are you _sure?_" I asked. "I mean, I don't want to take advantage…"

"I'm sure, Scout. I'd be happy to. Just bring your brother over with you, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Dr. Bryant. And thanks for the plants Mrs. – uh - _Linda_."

"You're welcome," they both called back, as I ran over to Coach K's car and put the plants in his open trunk, hopping in the back.

Laura made up songs with nonsense words and sang to us the whole way home, making both of us laugh. I had such a smile on my face that when we pulled up at my house I had to struggle to figure out why Soda was sitting out on the porch, smoking, looking completely upset.

All at once, I remembered.

_Steve_. He'd gone to talk to Steve.

.....................................

**A/N: Okay, I am willing to write the conversation between Steve and Soda that happened... but, obviously, it would have to be in Soda's POV, not Scout's. I am assuming people want to know what went down, but I don't want to ruin the flow of the story by switching POV if that will bother some of you. Let me know what you think. As always, thanks for reading!**


	28. The Confrontation

I said a hurried goodbye to Coach and Laura, gathered my new plants up from the trunk, and stood at the gate and waved at Laura through the car window as they drove away. I noticed Soda had moved up onto the couch from where he had been sitting on the stairs, probably not wanting to be seen by Coach K. I opened the gate, dropped my plants on the ground just inside, and went up to the porch. Soda tossed his butt over the rail - he knew I hated the smell of cigarettes - and patted the seat next to him. I went over and sat, and he pulled me into a hug, just holding me, for what seemed like ten minutes. Finally, he loosened his grip and leaned back into the couch, letting out a huge sigh, his eyes watery.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, softly. He turned to wipe his eyes.

"I don't know," he answered. "I just don't know anything anymore, Scout – what's right, what's wrong… what to forgive, and what not to… I just _don't know_."

"Do you want to talk about it? I'll listen... I'm sure I don't know any answers, but I'll listen. I promise."

"No… _yeah _– I don't _know_, Scout. It was so _hard_. I didn't expect it to be so hard. I expected it to be just me being mad and him being sorry and I'd just tell him I'd need time to decide what I forgive him for and what I don't… but it was _so much_ harder than that."

"_Tell me,_" I said, taking his hand. "I want to know. I can _handle_ it, Soda. I know I have you and Darry and Pony to keep me safe… I _need_ to know."

"It was like… it wasn't even like it was him, Scout. He was just sitting there – like a shell of himself, or something. I was all ready, to be angry with him – to hate him… but he was already so… I don't know, _sad_. Like he was already broken in pieces, and who breaks something _more_, when it's already broken?"

"_You don't_, Soda, and that's okay. That's a good thing. I told you before… You don't have to hate him, because of me… That wasn't him, who hurt me...I told you that. That didn't even seem like Steve."

"I know what you mean, now... I mean, talking to him… He _told _me, Scout, about what his dad did to him - how he was hurting him, all this time. He never told me – and I never figured it out. I _never_ figured it out, just like I _never_ figured out that he was the one who'd hurt you. That _kills _me, in both situations, that I _loved_ these people, I _cared_ about them, yet I was too stupid to see what was going on right in front of my face. God! It was _right there_, and I never even _saw_ it!"

"We didn't want you to know. We were _hiding_ it from you. You _weren't_ stupid, Soda – you're _not_ stupid, and I hate it that you're always saying that. Nobody knew what was happening to him – or that it was Steve that had hurt me – it wasn't just _you_ who didn't figure it out."

"I'm just.. I'm so_ confused_. I don't know what to do. I can't even figure out how I feel about him now."

"It might take some time to figure it out," I said, softly, looking down at his hand which I was still holding. "I'm not sure how I feel about things now, either. I mean, I _get_ that his Dad was… _doing things_ to him, but I don't really get why that made him hurt us… Sandy and me."

"I didn't get it, either… I asked him about that."

"Did he answer?"

Soda was quiet and I tried not to pry.

Finally he spoke up, softly.

"Scout… I mean, I know what you've been through and all, but still, I'm not sure if I should talk about some of this stuff with you. I mean, you're still a _kid_. I just… I don't want to tell you stuff that maybe you shouldn't know. Darry would kill me."

I leaned against him, still staring down at his hand.

"I won't say anything to Darry about what you tell me. _I promise_. Not if you don't want me to. I don't know if you talked to him about what I told you – about how it happened… and I don't care if you did, because I never asked you not to... and I think he wants – maybe he _needs_ to know, and I'm not sure _I_ can keep telling, over and over…"

"I didn't say anything to him, Scout. You trusted me, and I wouldn't break that trust without at least asking you, first."

"Neither would I," I said, looking up at his face and seeing his eyes watering again. I let go of his hand and wiped them. "But, if you don't want to tell me, I'll understand."

"No," he whispered. "I do… I think... you _deserve_ to know, it's just that – I mean, nobody would have ever talked about this kinda stuff with _me_ when I was your age."

"My circumstances are a lot different than yours were," I reminded him.

"Yeah," he agreed, and was quiet again, this time it was him taking my hand and rubbing it with his thumb. He finally started talking again, so quietly that I could hardly hear him.

"What his Dad was doing to him… guys aren't supposed to _do that_… with other guys... I mean, Steve _hated_ it, - he told me that, and I _know_ he did…But his Dad… he tried to convince him that he liked it, Scout, that he liked _guys_."

I didn't answer. I knew there were men who liked other men, though I didn't know any personally.

"It made him angry… and when he was taking the drugs – he _says,_ anyway, he just lost control. The anger took over, and he felt like he had to prove - to_ himself_, anyway - that he was a _real_ man, that he liked girls, that he was in control, and strong, and… I don't know…" Soda pulled me tight against him.

"I don't know why he had to hurt you, Scout, or Sandy... I heard what he was saying but… _God_, if I had just figured it out, nothing would be all screwed up like this."

"You can't blame yourself for what was happening with him any more than you can for what happened to me. It's not your fault. It's just _not._"

I know, but think about how it feels for me! I mean, _God_, Scout. Think about how if feels to know that you were _screaming_ for me, _yelling out_ at me to come help you, to rescue you from the guy who was supposed to be my best friend, while he tried to _rape _you, with me just down the hall. You _yelled_ for me, Scout, and I didn't come, because I was drunk because I was out drinking with _him_! God. How am I supposed to forgive myself for that? I _can't_"

He was sobbing now, and yelling. Ben must have heard him from his house because he came around the corner. I saw him before Soda did and shook my head, and he retreated back around the corner of the house. I had a feeling he stayed and listened, though.

"Soda, _no. Stop_. I'm the one who got hurt, and I don't blame you. I never did, and I never will."

"And Sandy, _GOD!_ I trusted him to drive her home and he _rapes_ her, in his _car_?? _God!_ How could I _not know_?"

"Shh," I hugged him tight against me, feeling his tears wet my shoulders, pushing his hair back behind his ears. "She doesn't blame you either, Soda," I whispered in his ear. "She loves you. She _loves _you Soda, and so do I."

"I don't deserve it," he sobbed. "I failed everyone… _all _of you. Steve, first, and that made him hurt you and Sandy…"

"No," I said, holding him, rubbing his back. "_No._ You didn't do anything wrong, Soda. Nobody blames you, for anything."

"I blame _me_," he said, "and I don't know how to fix it, for any of you." He looked at me and the sadness in his eyes made my own fill up.

"He asked if he could come back to work, at the DX… He was crying, he was so afraid to ask."

I didn't respond.

"I said okay… that's all he _has_, I mean, I can't take his whole life away. Is that… was that _okay?_"

"I don't work at the DX, Soda. You do. It's up to you."

"I…" he shook his head and just cried. I did too, with him.

"What? _What_, Soda?"

"I hate myself for it… for what he did to you and Sandy, but a part of me…"

"_Shh_," I said, again. "It's okay. It's _okay_."

"Part of me _misses_ him. He was my best friend." He sobbed against me. "I'm _sorry_," he sniffed. "I'm _so sorry_."

I wiped my eyes and pulled myself together.

"_No._" I pushed him away from my shoulder where he had been crying and looked him in the eye.

"_NO_, Soda. _You_ don't apologize. _Stop. Now_. What happens with you and Steve has nothing to do with me. I…" I bit my lip, trying to decide if I was sure about what I wanted to say.

"What? _What_, baby?"

"I… don't hate him, either. I _thought_ I did, and he still scares me, but… I don't actually hate him so much as I thought."

We were both quiet for a while, and, finally, I broke the silence.

"Soda?" I asked. He had leaned back up against me.

"Hmmm?"

"Where… I mean, where's he gonna live? With his dad in jail... where will he go?"

"They have a place… like, a house, that they send people to… who've been hurt… He'll stay there, 'til he turns eighteen in a few months. Then he can go back to his house."

"Oh," I said.

"He won't come here, baby. I told him he can't. I don't want him anywhere near you and Sandy. He agreed, he... understood."

"Okay," I whispered. Now that I knew he was off the drugs, and how he had been hurt so badly himself, I was less scared of him. Still scared, a _bit,_ but not as much.

We just sat there, for the longest time, holding each other and trying to heal. Eventually, it was Soda who pulled away, looked me in the eyes, pushed my hair out of my face, and said:

"So, we gonna plant all those new plants you brought home?"

I looked at him and smiled.

"Yeah, I guess." We both stood up and he took my hand as we walked out to the gate to get the new plants.

And, with the end of that discussion, I actually_ felt_ a page being turned, in the story of my life.

Closure is a good thing.

...........................

**A/N: This chapter was brutal to write. Do you all still need Steve/Soda or was this recap enough? Let me know, I'll write it if you still want it.**


	29. The Cut

Our moods had both lightened after we'd talked, although I knew Soda would still have to have the same talk, eventually, with Sandy, and that would be just as hard and draining. Darry would probably want to know how it had gone, as well, when he got back - just part of his trying to know how we all were doing, emotionally. Soda and I tended to be pretty open with Darry about most stuff, while Pony tended to keep inside a lot of what he was feeling. I know it bothered Darry – I think he interpreted it as Pony not trusting him, while I think, from Pony's point of view, he just thought a lot of the time that Darry wouldn't understand him. Yet Pony was never fully willing to open himself up enough to Darry to know whether that was really the case. Darry wasn't the philosopher that either Pony or I were - he didn't think about things as hard or as deeply - but he did try to understand me, at least, even when he had no idea where I was coming from. I'm sure he would have done the same for Pony, but Pony just had a hard time making that leap of faith. The only one he really opened up to completely was Soda, so Darry relied largely on Soda to keep him updated on Pony's state of mind.

I was thinking about all this as I dug holes, one after another, and Soda dropped the new plants in, me giving each one a good pat-down of the soil while Soda gave them a bit of water from an old watering can he'd found in the shed. After our talk, he didn't even feel the need to threaten me with spiders; he washed out the can before he even came over.

We were just putting the last few in the ground, and I was evening out the hole with my fingers when suddenly something scratched at the outside of my hand. I swore and pulled it back.

"What happened?" Soda asked.

I looked down into the hole and saw the offending object: an old nail. Mom always used to warn us about not going barefoot in the yard – our dad was excellent at repairing things but not so good about cleaning up after himself. I looked down at my hand and saw blood seeping slowly from a cut between my thumb and first finger.

"Let me see it," Soda said, grabbing my arm.

"It's nothing." I grabbed the watering can and poured water over it. It really wasn't that big of a deal.

"What cut you?" he asked. "Was it glass?" We were always on Two-Bit and Tim and whoever else came over and drank beer to keep the bottles off the porch railing – they inevitably fell into the yard and broke, and we were forever picking up glass in the yard. I was glad it hadn't been; Two-Bit had dodged a bullet on that one.

"No, it was a nail," I said as I handed it over. Blood was already oozing out of the cut again.

"You might hafta get a shot," Soda said, examining the nail.

"What?_ Why?_ It's not even that big of a cut."

"Rusty metal – you can get tetanus from that. I don't know what it, is but you gotta get one o' them shots before you can work on cars down at the DX. Too many rusty car parts hangin' around to get cut up on."

"Great."

"Yeah, well, maybe not. Darry will know if you've already had one or not."

I didn't even want to tell Darry - he'd probably act like I had severed my arm or something, but Soda and I were coming in the back door just as we heard him coming in the front. He came in and saw me holding my hand with blood on it and assumed the worst.

"What happened? Don't even tell me… the lawn mower?"

"It's not that bad. it's only two fingers," Soda said, completely deadpan.

Darry's face went white and I immediately felt bad.

"He's kidding, Darry. I held up my cut hand while punching Soda in the gut with the other. "It's just a scrape. And it had nothing to do with the lawnmower."

Soda was laughing uncontrollably.

"You're so _easy,_ Darry," he joked. Nobody else would even dare tricking him like that, that I could think of, but somehow Soda got away with it. Darry came over and manhandled Soda out of his way, giving him another smack in the gut as he moved him to the side. He turned on the water and motioned for me to put my hand underneath it. I rinsed it off with soap and water and he looked at it.

"Well, it's not deep enough for stitches. Can't you guys go a few weeks without hurting yourselves?" That was funny, coming from him, since he came home with new scrapes and bruises every day, though he never complained. "How'd it happen, anyway?"

Soda pulled the nail out of his pocket and put it on the counter.

"We were planting the plants and that was in the ground."

Darry picked it up and examined it.

"You might need a shot," he said.

"C'mon, it's just a little scrape." It wasn't that I was afraid of shots, I just didn't want the doctors, and the bills that came with them.

"Scout, remember what happened with that 'little scrape' you got jumping off the train? How it got _infected _and coulda_ killed_ you?"

"Yeah," I admitted. God, the way I had felt in those woods, I wasn't looking for a repeat performance of that.

"I'll call the doctor tomorrow to see if you need a shot. For now, peroxide and band aids."

"Fine," I said, and I headed down to the bathroom to bandage it up. Arguing with him about medical stuff was futile, and I understood why. If one of us got really sick while he was in charge it would look like he wasn't taking good care of us. Suddenly, I remembered Dr. Bryant's offer.

"Hey, wait... you don't have to call a doctor!" I practically yelled from the bathroom.

"_Scout._" He assumed I was going to argue.

"No, really. I forgot, Dr. Bryant saw me today and said if you bring me early tomorrow morning to come over to his house and he could take out my stitches so we don't have to go to the hospital for it. He can look at the cut then, too."

"Scout, you can't be going around asking for free stuff…" Pride. It always came down to pride, with Darry. He was washing his own hands as I came back from the bathroom, smoothing down the band-aids.

"I didn't _ask_, Darry. He offered. I never even thought about it 'til he offered. Same with the plants. He wants to. _They_ want to."

Darry sighed and finally gave in.

"_Fine_. We'll go early tomorrow."

"Okay. Hey, where's Pony?" I asked. Darry usually picked him up at the bowling alley.

"The night guy was gonna be late, so they offered him a few more hours. He gets free dinner there."

"Oh." Pony would like that, he loved the greasy food they had at the bowling alley.

Soda stood up from where he was sitting at the table.

"Hey, do you mind starting dinner? I defrosted the pork chops and the potatoes just need to go in the oven. I need to talk to Darry for a few minutes."

I knew he wanted to get Darry's take on his visit with Steve.

"Yeah, no problem," I said. Soda thanked me and they headed out onto the porch.

"Don't hurt yourself," Darry called back, half-kidding, and I giggled. He has a better sense of humor than most people think.

I put a pan on the stove and cut up some onions and garlic to sauté – we all like our pork chops cooked like that - and put the potatoes in the oven to bake. Then I opened the refrigerator to see if we had any kind of colored vegetables. Nothing in there, so I pulled some frozen peas out of the freezer. The color thing - That had been our Mom's rule – something colorful at every meal. She said it made sure we got all the vitamins. The more colors, the healthier the meal.

Soda tried to use that against her once when he realized that Jujubes, Necco Wafers, Mike and Ikes, and a whole bunch of candies came in a variety of colors. He insisted to Mom that they couldn't be bad for you, according to her rules. So she let him eat as many candies as he wanted for one night and the amount of throwing up he did all night and the next day convinced him that maybe she was right, that candy was exempt from the rule. Or so he and Darry say, anyway - I was too young to remember, but our mom was smart like that. Listening to the hushed but serious tones of Darry and Soda out on the porch, I almost felt sad at how we'd all had to grow up so much. I stirred my onions and garlic until I was distracted by a knock on the back door. I looked up to see Ben waiting at the door, so I turned the stove down and walked over to let him in.

"I saw Darry and Soda on the porch, so I know I can't come in," he said. I just shook my head at Darry's silly rule. What did he honestly think the two of us were gonna do with the two of_ them_ right there?

"Yeah, that's dumb," I said, taking his hand, although he didn't let me pull him in.

"I'm not getting him mad at me, Scout, c'mon," he responded, pulling me out instead.

"What are they talking about, anyway? It sounds serious."

"Soda went to see Steve today."

"Oh," Ben said, sounding serious himself. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's good, actually. I can't really talk about it now, though, I'm cooking." I glanced over at the stove. "Did you need something?"

"I just was wondering if you asked Darry about the dance. Kevin and Kate are going, and Pony and Soda can come, too, if that makes Darry feel better."

The last thing I wanted was Soda on my case at a dance – my first real "date," but I knew that might be the selling point in getting Darry to say yes. Pony wouldn't want to go, anyway.

"I haven't asked him yet," I said, "but I will, tonight. I'll let you know."

"Okay, well, get back to your cooking." He gave me a quick kiss and headed back to his own house.

I had the onions and garlic just about ready for the pork and the water boiling for the peas when Darry and Soda came back in. They both looked pretty calm; I guess Darry had been okay with how Soda'd handled things. Soda took the spatula out of my hand and took over. Darry sat down at the table and started sifting through the mail.

"Hey, um, does Pony get paid tomorrow?" I asked. I figured he would, since he was working Tuesday through Thursday, it seemed like payday would be Thursday,

"I guess so, he said, not looking up. Why?"

"Well, just… when the state comes tomorrow, it's just, well, there's not much in the refrigerator besides condiments and beer." The state workers, without fail, always looked to see what was in our refrigerator. And they always looked happy when they found healthy stuff in there.

That got his attention.

"Oh crap, you're right," he said, pulling out his wallet. I was relieved to see there was money in it. "Soda, can you hit the store tomorrow? I'll make you a list of the stuff they eat up – you know, apples and cheese and stuff." We didn't _mind_ those foods – in fact we actually _liked_ them – but eating healthy was more expensive than eating poorly, so we generally ate poorly. Not necessarily _bad_ stuff – just maybe not as much fresh stuff as we should have been eating.

"Good thinking, Scout," Darry said. "Soda, any beer left in there tomorrow goes into the basement, okay?"

"Okay," he said, as he opened the oven door to check on the potatoes.

"So, I have to ask you something else." I looked at Darry, who was lost in the mail again, and didn't hear me.

"Earth to Darry," Soda joked, and Darry looked up.

"Sorry, _what?_ I was reading."

"Never mind," I said. If you're busy…"

"No, it was nothing. What?"

"Well, Ben wanted to know if I could go to his church dance with him on Friday night." I left it at that for the moment, and watched Darry and Soda look at each other.

"I don't know, baby…," Darry started.

"Kevin and Kate will be there, so they can drive us, and Soda and Sandy can come too, Ben said." I was praying for Soda to take my side.

"She might like that," Soda said. "Sandy loves to dance."

Darry looked back and forth at us, trying to figure out if we were in cahoots.

"Did you two plan this?" he asked, finally.

"I didn't know anything about it 'til right now," Soda said. "I swear."

"Ben asked me last night, but I decided to wait to ask 'til today, after all the drama we already had. He came over while you and Soda were out on the porch. And don't worry, he wouldn't even come in the door, 'cause he didn't want to break your dumb rule."

"Yeah, well, dumb or not, you two better follow it."

"_So?_ Can I go?"

"Do I have to answer right now?" he asked.

"I guess not. But… by Friday would be nice," I laughed.

"If Soda and Sandy go too, you can go," he said. "But only to the dance. Straight there and straight home."

"We will," I said, not able to contain my smile. Darry actually smiled back.

"Thanks," I said.

"You're welcome," he said. "No beer blast this time, okay?"

"I promise." _That_ was a mistake I was not looking to repeat.

Soda came over and set the plates and forks down, and Darry and I set the places while he brought the food over.

"Enjoy it," Darry said, with an evil laugh, "because after dinner tonight, we all become cleaning machines."

With the state on the way, the place had to be spotless before Darry, Pony and I left the next morning.

"Great," Soda and I groaned in unison, though, inside, I was smiling. I was going to go on my _first real date._

_............................_

**A/N: As always, thanks for reading and reviews are appreciated.**_  
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	30. The Insect

After dinner, it was just as Darry had promised, he had us all set off to cleaning as though it were our job. Sandy and Two-Bit had the bad timing to show up just around then, and they worked on the living room with Soda while Darry and I took up Pony's slack in the kitchen, finally figuring out his real reason for wanting to work overtime. He wanted us to take over his cleaning assignment. Darry wasn't going to have any of that, though – he reassured me and Soda by declaring that Pony had just earned himself the honor of cleaning the bathroom instead of the kitchen.

"Doesn't anyone ever pick stuff up in here when they clean," Darry griped, as he picked up the toaster and ran the sponge under it, collecting considerably more than a small pile of crumbs, which he swept off the counter into the sink.

"I don't know," I answered, picking up the breadbox and immediately dropping it again, screaming at the sight of the giant bug I found residing underneath. The bug was hunkered down under its armor, likely remaining unscathed by the descending bread receptacle.

Soda, Two-Bit and Sandy all came to the kitchen door at the sound of my scream. Darry was at my side in a second.

"What? What happened?"

I had already jumped back.

"There's a _HUGE_ bug under there," I said, backing away.

"What, like a spider?" Soda asked. Everybody knew how I hated spiders. I certainly hated them enough to know the difference between a spider and a plain old bug.

"No, just, like, a huge bug. A beetle, or something."

"Oh Christ, don't even tell me we have roaches, with Social Services coming tomorrow," Darry complained, getting a pan to smash it with as he slowly started to lift the breadbox.

We all were staring, hardly breathing, waiting to see what Darry would reveal under there, when Two-Bit thought it would be hilarious to scare the crap out of me by suddenly reaching out and squeezing my waist, one hand on each side, and saying "Boo!" into my ear.

He succeeded rather fantastically, and I screamed fit to wake the dead. Poor Darry stood up so fast he hit his head on the upper cabinets, cursing, and I turned and hit Two-Bit in the gut hard enough to double him over and garner a compliment from Soda.

"Nice uppercut, Scout," he said, impressed, as Two-Bit leaned against the doorframe, laughing, but holding his stomach.

"You big _jerk!_" I went after Two-Bit again, though he blocked me this time, still laughing at me all the while.

Darry cussed Two-Bit out to no end, rubbing his head, and the insect in question flew erratically - terrified, no doubt - around the room.

Soda chased it around while I cowered under Two-Bit. He finally reached up and caught it in his hands, sitting down to examine it.

"Is it a roach?" I asked, hoping it wasn't.

"No." Darry said, still rubbing his head. "Roaches don't fly, baby."

"Junebug," Soda said, showing it to me. "See? All bigness and no bite. Not too bright, either – these are the big guys that smash themselves into the windows all the time, tryin' to get at the lights."

I knew those bugs. Sometimes they hovered around the porch light and I had to run in the door to avoid them. I guess I'd never seen one in the house, though, up close.

"They don't hurt?" I asked.

"Nope. Gentle giants. Wanna hold it?" he asked.

"Promise it won't hurt?"

"Promise."

"Okay." Soda put it in my hand and it settled there, walking a little but not hurting me. It tickled a little, though. I wasn't scared of bugs, per se – not like I was of _spiders_, anyway - but the surprise of finding this particular one in an unlikely place, as well as its sheer size had me a little unnerved.

"Okay, so… should I put it outside?" I asked.

"Unless you want it to sleep in your bed with you," Soda joked. I went to hit him and the Junebug took to flight again. For some reason it was a whole lot scarier when it was flying. I had images of it getting caught in my hair and buzzing and buzzing right in my ear. I screeched and ran into the living room with Sandy. I noticed Two-Bit running along with us.

"Soda, put it outside," Sandy yelled.

Two-Bit stood behind the armchair, listening to what was going on in the kitchen. I saw my opportunity, while he was so focused on listening, and I sneaked up behind him and grabbed his waist, scaring him back, and made him yell just like I had. He immediately started cursing at me as I collapsed in laughter on the couch.

Pony came through the door just then, to me laughing maniacally on the couch. Two-Bit and Sandy were hiding from a bug, and Darry and Soda were jumping around the kitchen trying to catch the offending bug with a variety of containers.

"What the hell is going _on_ in here?" Pony asked, and I just laughed harder.

"Got it," Soda yelled from the kitchen, and ran through the living room past Pony and out the front door with a covered frying pan in his hands.

Pony just looked at us all, bewildered, and decided he was better off not knowing.

"Anybody in the shower?' he asked.

"No," I laughed. "But you gotta clean in there now, 'cause Darry and I already started the kitchen."

"Whatever," he said, looking at us as though we had completely lost our minds. Finally he just turned and headed into the bathroom to shower.

"Why'd you all have to act like such _girls_," Soda joked as he came back inside with the frying pan, addressing Two-Bit, along with Sandy and me. "It was just a bug."

"It was a _big _bug," Two-Bit said. "Scout had a point, there."

"Yeah," I agreed, "and an _unexpected_ bug. It was all sneaky and hiding and everything."

"A terrifying bug," Sandy agreed, going over to Soda and hugging him. "Thank you for protecting us from that giant, surprising, terrible bug." She kissed his neck and he smiled. He lifted the frying pan up to hide his face as he gave her back what was clearly more than just an innocent peck on the lips.

"Okay, back to cleaning," Darry announced, coming into the room.

"Knock it off, you two," he said, and Soda took down the frying pan, though Sandy's cheeks were all red. "Soda, you ain't goin' out anywhere with Sandy 'til this room is spotless." Two-Bit had agreed to let Soda borrow his car for the night.

"Yeah, yeah," Soda grumbled, though he was still smiling.

"Who's in the shower?" Darry asked, which was a dumb question since the three of us were right there.

"Oh, I just invited some guy in off the street, on my way over," Two-Bit said. "Didn't think you'd mind."

"Shut up Two-Bit," Darry said, offhandedly. "Did somebody tell Pony he has to clean in there?"

"I did," I answered.

"Alright, then Scout, you get in the dining room. I'll handle the rest of the kitchen, in case there are any more bugs hiding anywhere. Christ, Two-Bit, you're lucky I didn't fracture my damned skull on the cabinets after you scared her like that. I would have sent you the doctor bill, too."

"Don't worry, Darry. I got him back," I said, laughing. "He screamed like a girl, too." Two-Bit fake-sneered at me, which only made me laugh more.

"Yeah, well, Two-Bit, either behave yourself or get out. And remember, both of you – he motioned at Two-Bit and Sandy – stay away tomorrow night. I don't know exactly what time the state lady's gonna show up."

"You got it, boss," Two-Bit answered, plopping into the chair.

I headed into the living room and took all the stuff off the piano to dust. It was pretty bad - the spaces where things had been sitting were clearly defined by the amount of dust that had settled around them. I dusted the top and keys, making a terrible sound as I ran the cloth over them. Man, was it ever out of tune. All of us could play, a little bit, but it had been Mom's piano – she was the one who'd taught us to play, and I don't think any of us had felt like playing much since she died.

Cautiously I pulled the piano out from against the wall, hoping there would be no bugs back there, but at least prepared this time, if there were any. There weren't, but there _were _two framed photos that had fallen behind the piano and the glass in the frames had cracked. One was of our grandparents; the other was a picture of my parents, with an infant Darry in my Mom's arms. I had never asked her, but I was guessing it might have been his first day home from the hospital. I peeked through the kitchen door at Darry, scrubbing the sink, and found it completely unfathomable that he could have ever been that small.

I picked up the two pictures and carried them into the kitchen.

"What's that?" he asked.

"These were behind the piano," I handed them to him. "What should I do with them? They're broken."

Darry took them over to the trash and carefully pushed the glass back against the picture, getting the picture out and the glass in the trash. He did the same with the other.

"Are you gonna get new glass?" I asked.

"I don't know, what do you think?"

"Well, maybe we should, on Nana and Poppa's, but you could just keep the one of Mom and Daddy with you in your box."

It took him a second to get what I was talking about but eventually he remembered the boxes we'd found in Mom's closet.

"You should get to keep that one – it's just _you_ with them," I rationalized.

"Okay, then," he agreed. "In the box it will go."

He had finished in the kitchen so he came in to help me with the dining room. Carefully, we dusted off each of the photos, laughing at our faces in some of them, and taking a moment to think about those we'd lost in others. I caught Darry staring hard at one of them – a family picture of all of us taken the last Christmas they were alive.

"Do you think they'd be happy with the job I'm doing with you guys?" he asked- not _sadly_, really – just … thoughtfully.

"Are you kidding, Darry?" I asked. "They'd be amazed. You're doing great. I think you're doing way better than most guys your age could, and I know I forget to tell you how much I appreciate it sometimes, but I really do. We all do."

"I don't know, I just wonder sometimes," he said, setting the picture back down.

"Well, stop wondering. They'd be so proud." I reached up and pinched his cheek. "I mean… their little Darrel, all grown up."

He blushed. I _actually made Darry blush_. I had never seen him do that before. I stared and laughed at him, and he stared back at me, deciding on a plan of action. I should have known enough to run, but the blushing had caught me off guard, and I waited too long. In one quick movement, his hands were on my stomach and he was tickling me so hard I was screaming – not in fear, like when Pony had pinned my hands down – Darry knew enough not to do that again - but with laughter. And he was laughing almost as hard as I was.

I hoped that, if my parents were up there somewhere, watching over us, they saw that as serious and responsible as Darry'd had to become, and as proud as they should be of him, he was still capable of some fun every once in a while, too.

………………………………………….

**A/N: Big day next chapter… the state visits. Eek. Thanks for your reviews and input, as always. I'll try to get the Soda/Steve chapter some of you wanted done soon, though I probably will post it separately from this story.**


	31. The Dream

The house looked good. Cleaner than it had been in a good long while, in fact, but I hated the way the impending visit from the state ate away at my reality, making me second-guess everything. It _seemed_ clean, to me, but would it be clean _enough_? Things that never bothered me before – things that were what made my house a home to me - suddenly seemed suspect.

There was the worn armrest on the chair, the fabric nearly worn clear off from years of us kids sitting there, leaning up against Dad while he read to us. There was the broken corner of the coffee table, where Darry had accidentally kicked it during a particularly wild wrestling match with Two-Bit. Then there was the top of the table itself, covered with round water stains from years of Pepsi and beer bottles sweating in the Tulsa heat, leaving their indelible mark.

None of these things ever bothered me, until the state decided to call for a visit. To us, these things were indicators of the everyday life that went on in our house, natural reminders of the people we loved. But, suddenly, I saw them with the eyes of a state worker, and I wondered: How bad did it look, to them? I saw our furniture as "broken-in," but in their report it would probably just say "broken." I hated it, that Social Services had the power to make me doubt what I knew was true: that I was where I belonged, happy, loved, and well cared for, and that I had a good home environment.

It was hurting my head the more I thought about it, and I lay back against the couch, ignoring the uncomfortable cushions, lumpy in all the wrong places from years of boys sleeping on them. I rubbed my forehead, trying to rub away the worries.

I heard a noise and looked up to see Ponyboy in the doorway. Soda had gone out with Sandy, and Darry was doing work in the kitchen. Even when he was home from work, he still always had work to do.

"You okay?" Pony asked. He came over and flopped down next to me on the couch.

"I guess. I don't know. I just hate it when the state visits. I always feel scared, and sick, and… I don't know. Confused. Like what has always been good enough – what nobody ever would have _doubted_ was good enough with Mom and Dad here – suddenly seems not good enough."

"I know exactly what you mean," Pony said, and I believed him. Darry took the state visits like a job – in his mind, there were checklists of what to do and say, and how to pass the inspection. Soda seemed to see the visits as little more than an interesting diversion from everyday life, as well as the only real reason to ever clean the house. For me and Pony, however, it was different. It was life or death, like taking a test you couldn't study for, because you didn't know what the questions would be about. Even though I had no reason to believe the state would change our custody situation, just knowing that they _could_ scared me to death.

"It'll be fine," he said, pulling me over so I was leaning against him. "Darry's doing everything right. They'll see that."

"I hope so," I said, wishing I could capture the fear I was feeling and put it outside, like we had done with the bug. It wasn't going to be that easy, though. Frankly, I preferred the bug, however big and scary, to a state visit.

I heard Darry push his chair back in the kitchen and knew he was going to come in and tell us to go to bed. I doubted I'd sleep much – and the headache I was getting from all the thinking wouldn't help, either.

"You two all right?" he asked, coming in and realizing it was a bit odd for the two of us to be sitting there in silence, without even the television as background noise.

"Yeah," Pony answered. "Just talking about tomorrow."

"Guys, you don't have anything to worry about," Darry assured us. "Things are going pretty well around here. They'd really have to dig deep to find anything to complain about."

"I guess," I said.

"Aw, c'mon, Scout, just a few hours ago you were telling me you think I'm doing a good job with you guys. Were you lying?"

"No," I said, "but that's the problem. It doesn't _matter_ what I think. They can turn it around any way they want. They probably will look at the flowers I planted and say you have me doing slave labor in the yard, or something."

Darry laughed.

"I think maybe you're reading a little too much into this," he said. "They aren't always the bad guy. Think of the kids who aren't being taken care of, kids that the state has gotten out of bad situations."

"Well I wish they'd spend more time on them, and leave _us_ alone," I snapped.

Darry's tone softened.

"Look, Scout, I don't love it, either, getting judged by somebody else on whether they think I'm taking good care of you. But that's just how it is, so you're gonna have to learn to accept it." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. "You need to go to bed, anyway. I don't want to have to fight to get you up tomorrow."

"I know," I said, standing up. "I just wish it would be all over."

"Well, tomorrow night at this time, it will be." He patted my shoulder. "And the faster you go to sleep, the faster it will be here, and the faster it will all be over."

"Night," I said, heading down to my room.

"Night, Scout," they answered in unison.

I washed up and changed into my pajamas, lying in bed staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours, trying to clear my mind so I could sleep.

I finally drifted off an hour or so after hearing Soda come back and talk to Darry about how things had gone with Sandy. I'd forgotten that he'd still had to talk to her about how things had gone with Steve. They were talking quietly and I couldn't hear most of what they said, but it sounded like it hadn't gone too badly.

I tossed and turned and awoke more than once with a start, not remembering why. Just after dawn, I fell back asleep and had a vivid dream about the state visit, which ended with Police officers taking away me and Pony, literally dragging us out the door. In the dream, I kicked and screamed, but in real life I woke myself up, yelling "NO!" just once, in a terrified, yet strangely authoritative way.

"Scout?" I heard Darry move to get out of his bed in the next room.

"I'm okay," I called back. "I'm sorry. I was just dreaming."

Soda was at my door with Pony behind him, and I heard Darry coming down the hallway.

"No, _I'm_ sorry," Soda said. "I knew this would happen."

"_What_ would happen? And what are _you_ sorry about?" I wasn't panicked like I had been after my dreams about Steve– I knew this time that it wasn't real, it wasn't like I was replaying in my mind something that had actually happened.

"I knew it would make you worse again, if I talked to Steve."

"No, Soda… I wasn't dreaming about Steve."

"What, then?" Darry came over and sat down on the bed.

"About the state visit. I was dreaming that they were taking away me and Pony."

Soda looked relieved.

"Nobody's gonna take you. Everything is fine here. They'd have absolutely no grounds to do it," Darry reassured me.

"I know. It's just that my brain won't stop working."

"Well, I don't think any of us want your brain to stop working, but I sure wish you could think about something else. You know, rainbows, puppies…"

"Can we _get_ a puppy?" I asked.

"No," he answered immediately, and I laughed. Just then the alarm clock went off in his room.

"Time to get up," he said, getting up and going to turn it off.

"You guys gonna have breakfast with us today, since you're up?" I asked Pony and Soda. "Sorry about that, by the way," I added.

"You gonna cook for us?" Pony joked.

"I guess, but you know I can't really do anything except eggs."

"I like eggs," Soda smiled. "In fact, I love eggs."

"You love anything you don't have to cook," Pony laughed, swatting at his head.

"I…" Soda started to argue, but thought better of it. "Yeah," he agreed.

"You two get out of here so I can get dressed," I said, throwing a pillow at them. Pony immediately threw it back at me, but I ducked in time.

"You're getting quick," he said as he winked at me and pulled the door shut behind him.

I didn't worry about showering, since I had washed up after gardening the day before and knew I'd be showering after babysitting to get ready for the state lady, anyway. I threw on some clothes and wandered out into the kitchen. Pony had taken some sausage out of the freezer and was trying to defrost it in a bowl of hot water.

"You're supposed to take that out the day _before_ you want it, genius," I teased.

"I know, wiseass, but I wasn't planning on being awake before you guys left," he said, and I felt bad.

"I said I was sorry. It's not like I meant it." I turned and pulled the refrigerator door open, embarrassed that, without warning, I felt tears welling up.

Pony came over and stood on the opposite side of the door until I looked up.

"That was mean of me," he said, taking the eggs. "I'm sorry. I know you're nervous, and so am I. But things will be fine. Darry's doing everything he's supposed to. They won't find anything wrong."

"I know… so long as we don't mess up Darry's nice clean kitchen," I said, trying to joke as I closed the refrigerator. Pony put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed, and I tried to smile. I knew he was worried, too, he just did a better job of hiding it than I did.

He actually stayed in the kitchen and helped me cook, something the two of us hadn't done together in a long time. He told me about working at the bowling alley and I told him about Laura and her big tantrum the previous day. He laughed and said it was a good thing we were all past that age by the time Darry became guardian, because he would have lasted about ten minutes with a tantrum like that and then dropped us off at the nearest orphanage.

"You leave a mess in this kitchen, and that's still gonna happen, even if you aren't babies," he said, grabbing a chair and sitting down. I plopped eggs onto his plate and Pony gave him sausages and toast.

"Pretty good service in this place," he joked. "Soda, ketchup?"

Soda tossed him the ketchup from the refrigerator, where he was taking out the milk. Darry just barely caught it.

"Oh, you are _so_ lucky I am trained to catch bad passes," Darry said, "or you'd be down on the floor scrubbing right now."

Soda just smiled and sat down with us.

"Scout, don't poke around. We're going early today, remember?" Darry watched as I played with my food.

I had forgotten about that. I was pretty excited to be getting the stitches out, though – they had become terribly itchy.

"How's that cut, anyway," he asked, and I peeled off the band-aids. It didn't look too bad. I went to scratch at it and Darry grabbed my hand.

"Don't scratch at it."

"Okay, okay," I said, trying to ignore the itching.

"Soda," Darry stood up and handed him some money out of his wallet and a paper off the counter. "You need to hit the store this morning, and make sure there's nothing bad in the fridge. And the beer goes to the basement. Two-Bit knows you need his car, right?"

"Yeah," Soda said, finishing off the milk as Darry watched.

"Get milk, too," Darry added it to the list. I ate my last forkful of eggs and went over to the sink to wash my plate. Darry came over right behind me and started washing his plate over me.

"Leave it, you guys, we'll get it," Soda said, and when I looked questioningly at Pony, he nodded.

"Go get your stitches out," he said, and smacked me on the butt. "Good luck."

"Thanks," I said as I tried to smack him back but he dodged me and I missed, nearly throwing myself to the floor before Soda caught me on the way down.

Darry lifted me back up from Soda's arm, since I was nearly toppling him over in the chair along with me.

"Let's go, before you get even more injuries for the doctor to look at," he said. He grabbed his lunch and looked down at me.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, then, we're goin'. Remember, Soda, keep the place clean, hit the store, and beer in the cellar. And Pony, no overtime today, even if they beg. In fact, get out early if you can. We need everyone here more than we need the money."

"Got it," he called over the running water. He had already started washing dishes. I know what he was thinking, because I was thinking the same thing: stay busy. Stay busy, and don't let that fear eat away at you all day long so by the time the state lady shows up, you're a nervous wreck. I followed Darry out to the truck and climbed in.

We didn't say much on the way – I was too busy worrying and he was probably afraid to say anything, for fear of making me worry more. I stared across the seat at him, realizing how much older he looked than the night our parents had died. It hadn't even been a year, yet, but he looked like he'd aged five years since then. I bit at my lip, studying him. He looked over and caught me.

"What?"

"Nothing." I hung my head.

"C'mon, that wasn't a _nothing_ look."

"Just – I'm sorry we all take you for granted sometimes. I meant it last night when I said you were doing a good job. You are."

"I'm glad you think that," he said, as we pulled up onto the sidewalk between the Karis' and the Bryants' houses. I went to open the door and he stopped me.

"Scout… I love you guys, too. All of you."

"I know." I was glad he had known that was what I was trying to say, thought I felt bad that I hadn't actually said it. I didn't get why it was so hard sometimes to just tell people that you loved them. I opened the truck door and hopped out. Darry walked with me up to Dr. Bryant's house and just as we were about to ring the bell the door opened.

"Hiya, Scout," Dr. Bryant said. "and… Darrel, right?"

"Darry," he said, offering his hand as Dr. Bryant ushered us in. "Nice to see you again, and thanks for offering to do this."

"Oh, it's my pleasure. Scout… well, she kinda stuck with me, as far as patients go. She was one of my first patients after I took the job here in Tulsa."

"Yeah, I could kinda tell you weren't from around here," Darry joked.

"Yeah, there's really no hiding a Boston accent," he laughed. "Okay, Scout, sit down here at the table." I looked around – his house was pretty much similar to Coach K's. Nice but not over the top.

I sat down and he took out something wrapped in white paper.

"These are straight from the hospital autoclave… totally safe," he said.

"What's an autoclave?" I asked.

"It's the machine that sterilizes the stuff we use at the hospital," he said. "It just means that all this stuff is safe – you won't get germs from it, or an infection."

"Oh. Okay."

I saw him take out a few sharp tools.

"Is this gonna hurt?" I asked. Darry sat down next to me.

"No, it shouldn't," Dr. Bryant said. "It looks like you're pretty much totally healed. I only wanted Darry to be here so he would know I wasn't doing anything unsafe, that I was using the right tools and stuff."

"I appreciate that," Darry said. I knew he would have freaked out if I told him I got my stitches out without him there.

"I would have wanted him here, anyway," I said, taking his hand.

"Okay, so here we go," Dr. Bryant said. I felt slight pressure as he snipped each stitch, then dropped it onto the paper he'd put on the table. I watched, interested.

"Twenty-two, right?" I asked.

"Yup," he answered, as he snipped the last one.

"Not bad, huh, Dar?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Don't even think about it. You're out."

"Oh c'mon!"

"Forget it. No."

"What?" Dr. Bryant asked.

"My brothers have a 'most stitches' club," I said.

"_What_?" Dr. Bryant laughed.

"We're not idiots, really," Darry tried to explain. "Just… we all got banged up a lot as kids, so we turned it into a competition. Scout was never allowed to join."

"They discriminate against girls," I said.

"Good for them," Dr. Bryant laughed. "You're all set, Scout, it looks good."

"I hate to ask this, after you've already helped us out," Darry started, "but…"

"I got cut yesterday on a rusty nail. Please tell me I don't need a shot." I shoved my cut hand out in front of him.

He took my hand and looked at it.

"Well, you don't need stitches… and it looks good. I'm sure you already had a tetanus shot, in the hospital. I mean, I was your doctor – I would have ordered that for any infected cut, but I'll check your records when I go in today. Is there a number where I can call you?" He looked at Darry.

"Well, I'll be at work, but you can call my brother, Sodapop and let him know. He'll be home."

"Oh, right, Sodapop. How could I have forgotten that? And Ponyboy, right?" he smiled.

"Right."

"Darrel… that's fairly common. How'd you end up with that?"

"I'm a junior," Darry said, and I put my arm around him, thinking of Dad. "My father was a Darrel."

"Well, I'm a junior, too, Dr. Bryant said, "and that's a pretty exclusive club to be in, as well."

Darry laughed, and I was glad that Darry and Dr. Bryant got along as well as he and my coach did.

"Well, Scout, I hope I don't have to have you as a patient again anytime soon, but it's nice to have you around this summer," Dr. Bryant said, leading us through the living room.

"I really appreciate your help," Darry said. "It's really nice of you to take care of Scout like this, for us."

"It's my pleasure, really," he said. "And feel free to call on me, again, if you ever need something like this. You never forget your first patients in any particular place."

"Thanks," I said, and surprised myself by turning and hugging Dr. Bryant. "That was much better than going to the hospital. And for the plants, too."

"Well, Barbara's at work, but I'll tell her. She does all the gardening around here."

"Alright, well, if you ever need any roofing or construction work done, feel free give me a call. I'll give you a good deal." Darry headed out to the front steps.

"Will do, Darrel," Dr. Bryant said as he stood in his doorway. "You take care. And I'm sure I'll see you around again this summer, Scout."

"Okay," I called back. "Seeya!"

"Bye, Scout," Darry called from his way back to the truck. "See you this afternoon. And _don't worry!_"

I had to chuckle a little at that. Heck, if I could just turn the worry off, I would have done it already, a long time ago.

Coach was waiting in the doorway when I went up his walk, and Laura came running out from behind him.

"Hi 'Cowt! _New!_" She pointed to her shoes.

"Oh!" I pretended to be enthralled. "Did you get new shoes?"

"_New shoosh_!" I picked her up and went up to where her Dad was standing.

"She couldn't wait to show you," he said. "I saw your brother's truck and couldn't figure out where you'd gotten off to."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, Dr. Bryant said he'd take out my stitches if I came over early, with Darry. I was over there."

"Well, I'm glad you didn't just disappear. Laura would have just about exploded if she didn't get to show you those new shoes pretty soon!"

"_Shoosh! New shoosh!_" She motioned for me to put her down, so I did. She took off like a shot to her room.

"Well, she's in a good mood today, as you can see… as usual, give us a call if you needed anything."

"I will."

"Alright, bye then."

"Bye,"

"Bye-bye Daddy!" Laura yelled from her room, and I went down the hall to join her. She was happy as a clam all morning, asking me over and over again to take her shoes off, then put them back on again. I almost understood her complete joy over a new pair of shoes – I certainly could have used a pair, but there was no way I was going to mention that to Darry, not until Soda started working again, anyway. She went down for her nap without a fuss, and woke up at almost the exact second her Dad came in the door. He had just walked in when I heard her calling.

"'Cowt! _'Cowt_!"

Coach gave me a signal to be quiet and as he went into her room I could hear her joy and surprise.

"_Daddy!_" she yelled, and my heart felt heavy. I was even more jealous of her having her Dad than I was about her new shoes.

I was quiet on the drive home and he must have noticed because finally he asked me,

"Was everything okay with Laura today? I mean you seem kind of quiet – upset, even."

I debated on whether or not to tell him but he already knew my whole family situation, anyway, so I figured it didn't matter much.

"The state's coming to check up on us today. I just always get worried that they're gonna take me and Pony away."

"Scout, your brother is doing an amazing job with you. They'd have no reason to take you."

"Yeah, I know, but I still worry, just because I know they _could_, if they decided to." We pulled up at the house and as I moved to get out, he said,

"Well, good luck, Scout – but you _aren'_t going to need it. They'll see that Darry's doing a good job."

"I hope so," I answered, jumping out. "Thanks for the ride."

I waved as he and Laura drove away and then turned to go into the house where I'd have nothing to do but … wait.

......................

**A/N: This chapter ended up being longer than I thought… the state visit is up next, then some crazy summer drama. I'll be gone this weekend, walking a 60-mile fundraiser walk for Breast Cancer Research. Hope this long chapter holds you over til then! Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing! You have no idea how much I appreciate it.**


	32. The State

The house was quiet when I entered. I knew Darry and Ponyboy were at work, but I was surprised not to find Soda at home, until I remembered that Darry had sent him to the store. The house still looked clean, and as I passed by the boys' room, I noticed that Soda had even made the bed, something he rarely does. I heard the washing machine running and smiled slightly at the thought that Soda had done a load of laundry. Maybe if we told him we had a state visit every week, I thought, he'd actually keep things neat for a change.

I went into my bedroom, looked through my closet, and picked out a shorts set that Anna had given me. It was still a little bit too big, but it seemed to me like the kind of thing the state would want to see me wearing, so I grabbed it off the hanger, pulled some underwear out of the drawer and went to take a shower.

I had just turned off the water when I heard voices in the kitchen.

"_Soda?_" I called, looking around for anything I could use as a weapon in case it wasn't him.

"Yeah, it's me and Two-Bit," he answered.

"Okay. I'll be out in a few minutes," I called back, knowing those two would goof around for hours before they got around to putting away the groceries.

I dried off and got dressed, staring at myself in the mirror for a good long time trying to figure out what to do with my hair. I wasn't sure how I wanted to look to the state lady – young and innocent, or older and mature. Young and innocent might play on her sympathies and make her see how badly I needed my brothers, but older and mature would show that Darry was doing a good job of raising me, that I was growing up okay with him in charge. Finally I decided on parting my hair down the middle and French braiding each side.

"Scout, what are you doing in there?" Soda was at the door just as I was finishing the second braid. "Hurry up, I gotta pee."

I opened the door with one hand and walked out past him, continuing to braid. I stood in the kitchen while I finished and tied it off with a hair elastic as Two-Bit stared.

"How do you do that?" he asked, and I laughed.

"Magic." I answered, looking at the groceries scattered all over the kitchen.

"Did it occur to either of you to maybe put things away?" I asked, as Soda came back into the kitchen. "This _is_ summer, you know… things go bad if you don't refrigerate them." I grabbed the milk and eggs and put them into the refrigerator. Two-Bit reached around me and grabbed a beer.

"You either drink all of those, or take them down to the cellar," I said. "Nobody in this house is even legal; the last thing the state wants to see in our refrigerator is beer."

He peeked around me to see how many were left – there were three.

"That will _not_ be a problem," he assured me with a smile.

"And take the bottles outside to the trash, don't throw them away in here," I added.

"What the hell? The state people go through your _trash_?"

"I don't know, _maybe_. Who knows what they'll do? I hate it, that they can just come in and look wherever they want. It's stupid and it's not fair."

"Scout, don't get worked up about it," Soda said, as he stacked the canned goods in the cabinet. Like Darry said, there's nothing we can do about it, so we might as well just learn to live with it."

"Doesn't mean I have to like it," I grumbled.

"Hey, don't worry, Scooter," Two-Bit chimed in, "if the state decides Darry ain't good enough for y'all, you can come live with Katie and me."

I gave him a look that displayed my full disgust at that suggestion and he laughed.

"Okay, or… maybe not," he laughed. "Seriously, Darry's the best person to be in charge of you guys, and there's no way they won't see that. So chill out there, little missy. It will be fine."

I didn't answer. I _wanted_ it to be fine, but saying it felt like it would only serve to jinx it.

"What time is Darry getting home, anyway?" I knew he'd be ticked to find Two-Bit sitting around drinking in the house.

"A little early, maybe, he said," Soda answered. He was gonna try for around four-thirty." I glanced at the clock. Two o'clock. Two-Bit saw me checking the time.

"Don't worry Scooter, I don't want your brother beating my face in, either. I'll be long gone by then." He smiled, opening beer number two.

"What do you think she'll ask us, this time?" I asked Soda. To me, that was the worst part: the questions. We knew how to make the house look good, we knew how to clean ourselves up and look and talk decent, but we never could figure out exactly what answers they were looking for when they asked us questions. We were always hesitant with our answers and I worried that it made us sound like we were lying, which we weren't.

"I'm sure she'll ask me and Darry about work, and you and Pony about school, and what you're doing for the summer. Probably ask Darry about money, stuff like that."

I didn't respond. It seemed like every time somebody from the state came they always caught us off-guard with something and made us feel inadequate. The last time, I got asked about what my plans were for the future, after high school. Mind you, I was not even _in_ high school at the time, and here some lady is asking me about my plans for afterward. When I told her my honest answer – that I really hadn't thought about it – she seemed appalled, as though a twelve year-old without her entire life completely planned out was a major cause for concern.

I sighed, louder than I meant to, and Soda rubbed my head.

"It'll be fine, Scout. It will."

"Don't mess up my hair," I said, crankily, and headed off to my bedroom. "And don't make a mess," I yelled back at them.

"Yes, ma'am," Two-Bit answered, and I heard Soda snap at him.

"Knock it off, Two-Bit. This is hard for her. She knows what the state could do, if they decide they want to."

"I know," he answered seriously. "You don't really think…"

"No, I don't," Soda interrupted, "but it's just a whole lot scarier for Pony and Scout."

"I should probably get goin', anyway," Two-Bit said, and I heard him pushing the chair back. "I'll take these for the road." I heard beer bottles clinking together.

"Scout, I'm gonna drive Two-Bit home, okay? I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Okay," I answered, flopping face down on my pillow. I hated lying that way, but I didn't want to mess up my hair. I was hungry, but I didn't feel like eating anything. I had only been lying there a few minutes when I heard the door open again. I ignoring it, figuring it was Soda – it seemed too soon for him to be back already, but Two-Bit was letting him keep the car overnight since they both had their doctor's appointments the next day, maybe he'd just driven fast.

"_Anybody home?_" As it turned out, it wasn't Soda, it was Ponyboy.

"_In here_," I called out, my voice muffled by my pillow. I heard him come to my door.

"Scout, you okay? Are you crying?"

I pulled my face out of the pillow and sat up.

"No. Just thinking. You're home early."

"Yeah, it was real slow so he let me out early. Figured I'd get a shower early, before Darry gets home. You look nice."

"Thanks. I hate this part, the waiting."

"Yeah, no kidding…me too. I'm gonna go shower – hey, where's Soda, anyway?"

"He drove Two-Bit and his beer back to their own house."

Pony laughed at that.

"Alright, well, then, I'll be in the shower."

"Okay."

I heard Soda barge back in and went out to the living room and sat in the armchair. Soda sat on the couch and turned on the TV, glancing at the bathroom door where he could hear the shower.

"Pony's home already?"

I nodded.

"You eat lunch?" he asked.

"No, I'm not hungry. Don't tell Darry, okay?"

"Scout, you hafta eat."

"I _do_ eat, Soda. Missing one meal isn't gonna kill me. Just… lay off, okay? You know I'm already aggravated enough."

"Yeah, I know," he said quietly.

Pony came out of the shower and Soda went in… by that time it was almost 4:30 and I figured I'd better start making dinner. We didn't know exactly what time the lady would show up, so Darry had said to just stick to our usual routine and that way she wouldn't think we were putting on some sort of show for her.

I tried to think of something I could cook that wouldn't make a big mess, would keep for a while if she came before we got to eat, and wouldn't make the house smell bad. Once I thought about the smell factor, I remembered how good the chili had smelled the last time we made it and decided on that. Plus, it would only take one pot, and I wouldn't dirty up anything else. I pulled out the cans of tomatoes and beans and grabbed the hamburger that Soda had just bought out of the fridge. Just as I was adding that to the pot I heard Darry come in the front door.

"Chili again, huh?" he asked as he came into the room.

I explained my reasons and he approved.

"Good choice," he said. "Nice outfit, too."

"Thanks."

"Who's in the shower?"

"Soda. Pony's getting dressed."

"Well, I'm gonna hit the shower next and hopefully that state lady should be here by 5:30 and we can get this whole thing over with and get you smiling again," he said.

"Amen," I muttered, and he laughed. It made me a little mad, him laughing while I was all knotted up inside from stress, but I ignored it. I grabbed a sponge and wiped down all the countertops again. After a while I felt somebody staring and looked up to see Soda in the doorway.

"You keep wiping like that and you'll start whittling away at the actual counter," he said. He came over, took the sponge and set it down above the sink, turned the chili down to simmer, and pulled me into the living room.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Well, it always calms down Darry, and you two are pretty alike, so I'm gonna try it on you." He sat me down on the floor and sat behind me on the couch, reaching over and massaging my neck. I had to admit, it did feel good. I pulled my braids forward so they lay across my chest and closed my eyes as Soda's hands worked down to my shoulder blades.

"Jesus, Scout, you _are_ tense," he said. "Relax, okay? Everything is okay." Little by little he worked the knots out of my upper back, much more gently than he ever seemed to be when he gave Darry backrubs. I actually felt myself drifting off a little, and was almost asleep when, suddenly, the doorbell rang.

My head jerked up and I realized that this was it: the moment of truth. Soda patted my shoulders and whispered in my ear.

"_Feel better? It will be okay. I promise_."

"Yeah. Thanks." He pulled me up, and the two of us stood there as Darry and Ponyboy came into the room.

"Everybody ready?" Darry asked quietly. We all nodded. I took a deep breath as he walked over and opened the door to reveal a tall, thin woman, frowning while looking at her watch. She seemed a bit startled when Darry opened the door.

"Mr. Curtis?"

"I'm Darrel Curtis."

"Agnes DiSalvo, from the office of Social Services. May I come in?"

"Of course," he said. "I apologize. Just…we were expecting a Mrs. Robertson."

"Yes, she had a family emergency, so I was sent in her stead."

"Well, welcome to our home… Can I get you anything? A cold drink, coffee?"

"No, thank you, I'm quite alright. Why don't you all have a seat, so I can take care of some paperwork."

We all dropped immediately into seats. She sat down in the armchair, and I saw her look at the worn armrest. She took some papers out of her briefcase and started writing. I disliked her already. Soda must have felt me tense up again, because he sneaked his hand around mine and squeezed.

There was a minute or so of silence while she wrote and then she finally spoke.

"So, I apologize for the fact that I'm not terribly familiar with this case – I understand that you are the guardian for these three minors, Darrel?"

"Yes ma'am."

"And you are…" she rifled through the papers, "Sodapop, Ponyboy, and Samantha?"

I tensed even more; I would never be comfortable with anyone but my mother calling me that. But I didn't say anything.

"Yes, ma'am," we all responded.

"Which one of you boys is which?" she asked.

"I'm Sodapop, he's Ponyboy," Soda answered.

"And you're Samantha, obviously," she said, though she didn't even offer a hint of a smile.

"Actually, she goes by her middle name, Scout," Darry said, and I wanted to hug him right there.

"Alright then, Scout."

"Yes," I answered. "Ma'am," I added.

"So, Darrel, I assume you are the sole provider for the children, with your wages as well as the state aid that you receive?"

"Actually, no… Sodapop works full-time, as well."

"In the summer, only? Is that correct?" Darry and Soda looked at each other.

"No, actually I work full-time year-round. I work down at the DX station."

"Are you saying that you dropped out of school?"

"Yes, ma'am, I did. You see, I wasn't doing well anyway, and I knew we could use…"

"That's fine." She cut him off as she scribbled furiously in her notes.

"Darrel, I see here that you are attending the University part-time? How is that going?"

I hung my head down. Figures, she _would_ ask about all the stuff the state wouldn't like.

"Well, actually, that's been put on hold for a while. I took last semester off, to make sure things were squared away here at home and put away some savings."

"And you'll be returning in the fall?"

I wanted him to say yes so badly, not just because it was what I knew she wanted him to say, but because, if he said it, he'd have to go back.

"That hasn't been decided quite yet," he answered, and she scribbled away again.

"I hope I can assume that the two of you are still in school?" she asked, directing the question at me and Pony.

"Yes, ma'am," we both answered.

"They do really well. Almost straight A's on both of their report cards. Scout had a little trouble in math this past term but I've been working on it with her, and she's coming along real good," Darry said, seemingly relieved to have _something_ positive to talk about.

"Yeah, and Scout graduated eighth grade this year and got all sorts of awards, and a varsity letter, even. She was one of the first eighth grade girls ever to get one," Soda said as he passed the stack of awards over for her to look at. They had been sitting on the mantle since the day they came in the mail.

She looked through the pile.

"You all must have been very proud, seeing her hard work get recognized like that," Mrs. DiSalvo said. I saw Darry's face fall, and I jumped into the conversation.

"Actually, I didn't go to the graduation… I just felt like it would be too hard, since my Mom and Dad were there with me last year to see Ponyboy's. I didn't really want anybody to go."

"I see." She shot Darry a look that was less than kind, and I wanted to run across the room and jump in his lap and hug him. _Stop making him feel bad,_ I wanted to scream. But I just sat there.

"So, Scout, why don't you tell me a little bit about how things are going around here."

I felt like a deer in the headlights. Okay, I thought, no pressure, just that your family's future together could be riding on what you say right now. I prayed that my voice wouldn't quiver.

"Well… I think things are really going well. Darry takes good care of us and we get everything we need. Now that it's summer I've been babysitting for my basketball coach's daughter, and doing some gardening in the yard. Things are really good."

"Yes, I saw the flowers. Very nice. You're…" she looked at the paper. "Twelve?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

_That_ was a question I hadn't gotten before. What on _Earth_ did that matter?"

"Well, kind of, yeah."

"Do you have a curfew?" I looked at Darry. Technically, I didn't, it was just assumed that I would be home at a reasonable hour.

"Well, we don't really go out on dates or anything, but I don't stay out late. He lives next door, I mean… we usually just hang around our houses." She raised an eyebrow and wrote something down when I said that.

"Scout and Ben aren't allowed to be together in either house unless there's a adult at home," Darry said.

"I see," she said. I was starting to not like that answer. She wrote down a few more things.

"Sodapop, I see you have a cast. Can you tell me how that happened?"

"Well, I was in a car accident a few weeks ago."

"Oh, dear. Were you the only one injured?"

"No, Scout was with me. She just needed a few stitches, she just got them out yesterday. I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow and I should be able to go back to work soon." Darry shot Soda a glare. There was no way Darry would let Soda start working again until he had the all clear from the doctor.

"It wasn't Soda's fault," Ponyboy piped up in his support. "The light was broken. It was the state's fault. There's even a lawsuit."

"Really?" she asked. "So you'll be testifying, Sodapop?"

"No, actually… I was knocked unconscious. It's Scout they want to testify, she saw the whole thing."

"Hmm." She flipped through her pages. "It indicates here that court has been particularly stressful for you, in the past, Scout." She looked at Darry. "Are you sure putting Scout through all that again is a good idea?"

I could feel the rage growing inside me. Why was she constantly making Darry look – and _feel_, from what I could tell - like a bad guardian?

"I _want_ to do it. Darry isn't making me. I _asked_ to do it."

She didn't answer me, just made some more notes.

"Ponyboy, what are you doing this summer?"

"Just the usual things – hanging around with my friends, training for the track team, going to the movies, reading." He couldn't tell her about his job, since technically he was too young to work.

"So, you are unsupervised all day while your brothers are at work? And you, too, Scout?"

"I guess you could say that, technically," Pony answered, warily. "But Darry and Soda always know where we are. Soda calls from work and Darry calls at lunch when he can."

"I see." She made some more notes and I wasn't entirely sure that one of us wouldn't kill her if she said "I see" again.

"Do you mind if I take a look around?" she asked, standing up while still writing.

"No, not at all," Darry said, and it was clear to all of us except her that he was pretty annoyed with her.

She stood up and walked through the kitchen, looking in the refrigerator and making some notes. She looked at the chili and asked about who did the cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc. She seemed confused to find that what was supposed to be – according to our file, I assumed – Darry's bedroom no longer was his.

"We switched our rooms around because I wanted to be at the front of the house," Darry said, and I could tell he was debating whether or not to include the part about me, but there was no other way to explain why the boys and I had also switched. I guess he realized that, too.

"Scout was having some trouble sleeping, too, so we thought she might sleep better with us on both sides. So far it has worked."

"Yeah, I've been sleeping much better," I said. She didn't answer me, just kept writing as we all followed her. She looked at the bathroom and the rest of the bedrooms, eventually ending up at the front door. She stood there for a moment and continued writing, then put her papers into her briefcase and looked back up at us.

"Well, Darrel, it was nice to meet you. You'll receive a copy of my report in a week or so, and the state will contact you about another visit in approximately six months." Then she turned to the other three of us.

"You three stay out of trouble," she said. "Your brother already has quite enough on his plate."

"Yes, ma'am, we will," Soda spoke for all of us.

And, with that, she turned and headed down the walk. We all just stared in silence as she got into her car and drove away. Finally, Darry stepped up and closed the front door, then turned to face us.

"Let's eat," he said.

……………………………

**A/N: Not exactly the kind of visit you'd be thrilled about, but looks like things will stay as they are for now… Thanks, as always for your reviews. **

**To those who wished me luck in my charity walk, the Boston Breast Cancer 3-Day raised over 4 million dollars for Breast Cancer research and education. And yes, I made it all sixty miles (and I have the blisters to prove it.)**


	33. The Insecurity

As soon as Darry spoke, I lost my ability to contain my annoyance.

"Why does she have to send you a report?" I asked. "So she can try and make you look bad again? Everything she asked you about was all stuff that you do right, but the way she asked it made it seem ike you don't. God, I hate how they do that!"

"Scout, it's over. She's gone, and you'll probably never even have to see her again, since she was just filling in. C'mon. Let's just eat dinner, okay?" Soda put his arm on my shoulder and led me down to the kitchen.

"At least they'll leave us alone for six months now," Pony said, not really sounding any happier than I was. Darry follwed us all into the kitchen and put chili into each of our bowls, taking some cheese out of the refrigerator and grabbing the grater from the drawer. He sat down and grated some cheese over his chili, not saying anything, and I knew the social worker had gotten to him too.

"Darry, that lady didn't even know anything about us… we all know you're doing a good job, so forget about what she says. She doesn't even know what she's talking about." I tried to reassure him.

"Look, Scout, just forget it, okay? I don't really want to think about it anymore. She's gone. Just drop it."

"Okay," I said, though I hated knowing that she'd gotten under his skin and made him feel like he wasn't good enough.

"So, Darry, maybe the doctor will say I can go back to work again when I see him tomorrow," Soda said, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, well, don't go gettin' your hopes up. Believe me, it's not worth going back before you're healed if it's gonna mean screwing up your hand for the rest of your life."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll get a doctor's note, don't worry," Soda grinned. I guess the state lady hadn't bothered him much.

"I don't know what it's gonna cost to have him look at you, either. I'll give you a check, but if it's more than twenty bucks, you're gonna have to tell them to bill us."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Pony stood up and reached into his pocket. "I got paid today." He pulled a bunch of bills out of his pocket and handed it over to Darry, who looked hesitant for a minute but took it, putting it into his wallet.

"Thanks, Pony," he said quietly.

"I'll get paid tomorrow, too," I said. "That should help, a little bit."

"I still hate it, that you two are working. It's summer. You should be out having fun." Soda helped himself to another huge serving of chili. Him being upset rarely had any effect on his appetite. I noticed Darry wasn't eating much, though.

"Well, I get to have fun tomorrow night, right? Did you ask Sandy about going to the dance, so Ben and I can go?"

"Yeah, she said she'll go. _Really,_ Scout, as if I would miss spying on your first date? No way."

"Soda, I don't want you giving her a hard time. I seem to remember being sent along on_ your _first date, and, as I recall, I gave you plenty of space." Darry wasn't in a joking mood.

"I was just kidding," he said. "I _will_ be making sure little Benjamin minds his manners, though." He winked at me and I slapped him under the table.

"Since when do they have dances when school's out?" Pony had assumed it was a school dance.

"It's at Ben's Mom's church." Even I couldn't feel right saying it was Ben's church – he and Kevin had gone regularly with their mom as kids, but once they hit the teenage years, his mom had found it to be far too much of a battle trying to get them up on Sunday mornings, so she usually went alone. "Why, you wanna come, Pony?"

"_Funny_, Scout," he said, dryly. He thought dances were the ultimate form of ritualized teenage torture. He still wasn't interested in girls and the idea of sitting around watching other couples get close wasn't exactly his idea of fun.

"What time is this dance, anyway?" Darry asked.

"Seven," I said, "until ten."

"Then that means you'll be home by ten-thirty. Right?" That wasn't really a question, and I was smart enough to realize it.

"Right."

"Don't worry, Darry, she'll be in good hands," Soda joked, and I swatted at him again, above the table this time.

"To be honest, Soda," Darry finally grinned, "I'm less worried about her misbehaving than I am about you," he said, and we all laughed.

Pony had just cleared the plates and was filling up the sink to wash them when Ben suddenly appeared, knocking at the back door.

"Darry, can I go outside with Ben?"

"Yeah, stay on the porch though, okay?"

"Okay." I slipped out the back door and slipped my hand into Ben's as we walked around to the front porch, stopping in the darkness between the back and front porch lights for a quick kiss. Eventually we came around and sat at the far end of the front porch, far enough away from the light that the bugs left us alone. It was a hot and sticky night, the kind of night that made me glad that I'd discovered some deodorant among Mom's things. The boys tended to forget about that sort of thing for me - that I might need it - and as much as I could avoid the embarrassment of asking for them to buy me that stuff, I did.

"Everything's all set for tomorrow," I said. "Soda and Sandy are gonna come, so they can drive us home after, if Kevin and Kate want to go out afterward." Soda would probably want to take Sandy out afterward too, since he'd have Two-Bit's car, but I knew he wouldn't complain about dropping us off at home.

"It'll be fun," he said, and I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder.

"The state lady was a real jerk to Darry today," I said, feeling anger rising in me again.

"Really? What'd she do?"

"She just… she asked us questions and stuff like usual, but it seemed like everything we said, she used our answers to make it look like he was doing a bad job. I mean, it makes me so mad. He has enough to worry about – and he handles it really well, so I don't know where some lady who doesn't even know us gets off making him feel inadequate."

"No offense, but I have a feeling he cares a lot more about what you guys think about how he's doing than some state lady."

"Well, maybe, but still it makes me feel so mad when anybody gives him a hard time. He gets enough trouble from all of us, already, he doesn't need it from strangers."

"I wouldn't worry too much, Darry's a pretty tough guy. I'm sure he took what she said with a grain of salt."

"I don't know… he actually seemed kind of upset to me."

"Darry's supposed to be the one worrying about you, silly, not the other way around," Ben laughed. "So what was the verdict from the state, anyway?"

"See you in six months," I said.

"Then I _definitely_ wouldn't worry," Ben said, kissing me softly on the neck, just as we heard Kevin yelling for him.

"_Ben, get back in here, Ma wants you to take out the trash!_"

"Guess I gotta go." He nuzzled my neck and stood up.

"I guess. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Yeah," he smiled. "Night."

"Night."

I sat out on the porch for a few minutes longer, hearing Soda and Darry talking in his room through the open window.

"...It's bullshit, Soda. I mean, she's gonna get on my case for leaving Pony and Scout 'unattended' while I'm at work? What the hell am I supposed to do, get a babysitter for two teenagers? Put them in day care or something? I mean, they want me working – of course I'm gonna be gone during the day."

"Don't sweat it Darry. You're doing good, and we all know it, so who cares what she said."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just sick of people always telling me what I'm doing wrong and forgetting about all the crap that's going right around here."

"They don't know us, Darry. Forget about it." I could tell Soda was giving him a backrub, from how Darry seemed to be calming down. I finally got up and went inside, stopping at Darry's door. Soda was kneeling on the bed behind him, trying to work the tension out of his back.

"Good night, you guys," I said, peeking in.

"Night, Scout," they both answered. I washed up and went into my bedroom, not tired enough to fall asleep but not sure what I wanted to do awake, either. I didn't want to read, I didn't want to draw, or watch TV. Eventually I found myself standing in front of my closet, thinking about what to wear to the dance the next night.

I looked at a few of the dresses I had – almost all of the clothes I had that fit me were from Anna – it was lucky for me that she was a whole growth spurt ahead of me, because every time she outgrew clothes, I was just about ready to grow _into_ them. I felt a little guilty wearing her clothes when I was still upset with her, but I really didn't have much of a choice. Not many of my clothes fit anymore. I tried on a few of the dresses and settled on a light blue tennis-type dress that fit better than the others and went well with my eyes. I looked in the mirror and realized how tan I was getting and how, as was the norm in summers, the wispy pieces of hair that I could never seem to get out of my face had turned blonde.

I remembered putting Mom's few makeup items away in Darry's old closet and wondered if I should go searching for them the next afternoon. I had never really been too conscious of how I had looked before; somehow, the thought of going to a dance full of high school kids was making me take a bit more interest and be willing to put a bit more effort into what I looked like. I was torn - I didn't want to be somebody different than who I was - but I didn't want to stand out from the crowd, either, which I _already _did since I was so much smaller than the average high school girls.

I heard Soda and Pony talking quietly from their bedroom, though I couldn't hear what they were saying, and figured I had better at least try to get some sleep. I put on a t-shirt and a pair of Pony's old sweatpants that were cut off at the knee and crawled into bed.

As I drifted off to sleep, I wondered what Mom would think of me going on my first date – with Ben, no less. I got the impression from Kevin and Darry that both my mom and Ben's had thought that the two of us would end up together at some point. I wished she could have been there to help me get ready, and see me off. A part of me thought she might have liked that as much as I would have. Just another first without her.

…………………..

I was surprised that Soda was the one to wake me up the next morning – and that I couldn't remember anything I had dreamed. It had been a long time since I had fallen asleep and awakened with no memory of what I had been thinking during the night.

"You're up early," I said, looking up at him as he sat on my spare bed.

"Doctor's appointment," he said. "Keep your fingers crossed that I get my cast off. I can't stand hanging around here all day any more, I'm bored out of my mind."

"Okay. Is everybody awake?"

"Yup. Pony's cooking."

"Really? _ Why?_" he usually hated cooking breakfast.

"He wants Darry to let him come to the hospital with us today, since he doesn't work on Fridays."

"Oh." That explained it. "I'll be out in a minute." Soda got up to leave, but then I thought of something.

"Hey, Soda?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think Darry really felt bad because of what the state lady said yesterday?"

"I don't know," he answered. "He seemed okay, but I'm sure he doesn't love hearing some lady who has no idea what he deals with picking on him."

"Yeah," I agreed. "I wish people would just lay off him."

"Yeah. Well, they're gonna, for six months, at least."

"Yeah." It didn't seem like consolation, to me, anyway.

Soda turned and left, pulling the door shut behind him. I pulled on some clean clothes, knowing I'd want to shower later that afternoon and that Darry wouldn't be too happy about me taking two showers in a day, since I didn't really get as hot and sweaty as Soda and he did. I wondered if Mom's deodorant was doing it's job… I guessed I was eventually going to have to ask. Just one more embarrassing growing-up question. They just seemed to be coming fast and furious right then.

Everyone was already at the table when I came out, talking about Soda and Two-Bit's doctor visit and everybody's plans for the night. Soda was still planning to come to the dance with me, and Pony had arranged a ride to the movies with a couple of upperclassmen from school. He was in classes with a lot of the older kids, so he tended to have older friends.

Suddenly I got an idea that might cheer up Darry.

"Hey, Darry… since we're all going out, why don't you go surprise Alison at work? Maybe she can get out early and you can hang out together. I mean, you could even come here, since we'll all be gone."

"That's a pretty generous offer from you, Scout, seein' as you ain't allowed in here alone with _your_ boyfriend," Soda joked.

"Shut up, Soda," I said. "Darry, you should. You never get rid of all of us at once. You should take advantage of it."

"_Get rid of us?_" Pony pretended to be offended.

"Yeah, we'll see. We all have a whole day to get through before we need to worry about tonight. So lets worry about that first." Darry grabbed all the plates and put them in the sink to soak. Pony had made pancakes and the syrup always needed to soak for a good few hours before it would come off the plates easily.

"Scout, you ready?" he asked, grabbing his lunch. Soda had been making lunch for him every day he'd been home – partly because he was being nice, but mostly because he was trying to keep busy.

"Yup," I said, grabbing a book Pony had given me to read and following him out to the truck.

"Good luck, Soda," I called back, hearing his call back of thanks follow me out the door.

I climbed into the truck and sat there in silence for a few minutes, feeling awkward in the most teenaged sort of way. Finally, I got the courage, swallowed my pride, and decided to just ask.

"Darry, can I ask you something, and will you be honest, but not mean?"

"That's certainly an interesting way to set me up for something... am I usually mean?" He looked over at me, a mixture of concern and amusement on his face.

"No, but... I mean it. I need to ask you something, but it's just kind of embarrassing." I stared out the window.

"Scout, I wouldn't ever be mean to you about something embarrassing for you. I told you that. I mean, I know I'm not Mom, but I promised to try."

"Well, this is pretty straightforward yes or no."

"Okay, shoot."

"I need to know if I smell."

"_What?_"

"I mean it. Now I'm starting to like, sweat more, like an adult and I stole Mom's deodorant but I don't know if it works. So just tell me, do I smell bad?"

"No," Darry said, "you don't."

"You didn't even sniff," I said. "Come on, Darry, who else am I supposed to ask?" I slid over and he leaned over and sniffed.

"_So?"_

"You smell like Mom," he said. "And I'm sure you know, that is not a bad smell."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," he said. And next time we go shopping you can get whatever deodorant or other stuff like that you need, I just don't think about that stuff, you just have to remind me. It's not embarrassing."

"Well... it is a little bit, for me, but...okay," I agreed. "Do you think you'll go out with Alison tonight?"

"I don't know, why?"

"I was wondering if you could ask her something else for me, kind of… another girl thing."

Darry didn't look thrilled at that idea.

"It's not that bad, really. I just don't know… if I should start shaving my legs. I mean, I don't know when I'm supposed to start. I don't wanna be hairy when everybody else isn't. I don't know who else to ask. I mean, do you think I'm too hairy?"

He did laugh at that one, but not in a mean way.

"I am no judge of that, but, I'll try to do some research on that one for you. I suppose you should get your own razor, too… I don't think any of us want to share… You know, Pony might be jealous, if you start shavin' before he does," he joked.

"Maybe," I smiled, a little, as we pulled up to Coach K's house. It was easy for Darry to make a joke of it, but not quite as easy for me, when I really had nobody to tell me about that sort of stuff. I was a little nervous about going to high school, spending all day – not just basketball practice – with the older girls. The last thing I wanted was to stand out.

I jumped out and wished Darry a good day, walking up to meet Coach and Laura at the door. He asked how things had gone with the state visit and I didn't lie, admitting that she had been way too hard on Darry. He sympathized, and I felt like he kinda wished he could have talked to Darry himself, to assure him – from another responsible adult – that he was doing a good job.

Unfortunately, he was running late after changing Laura and was out the door before we got to talk much. Laura was cooperative, playing all morning and napping right on schedule, and waking up just as her Dad arrived home. To be honest, I was more than happy that she was so calm, because my stomach was already a bundle of nerves. I had spent years of time with Ben - even kissed him enough to feel comfortable with it – but for some reason, an official date was causing me to be strangely nervous.

Coach pulled up to drop me off and handed me an envelope. I had forgotten all about getting paid.

"Thanks a lot, Scout, I knew you would work out great. And Laura certainly likes you a whole lot, too."

"Thanks," I said, taking the envelope. "I'm really enjoying it, too. Have a good weekend. Bye Laura," I called, climbing out of the car.

"Bye 'Cowt!" she yelled, and I waved as they drove away.

I turned toward the house, a full week's pay in my hand, and about to get ready for my first real date.

Suddenly the road to adulthood was seeming shorter and shorter. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare me a little bit.

...........................

**A/N: The big date is next chapter. I always seem to have loose ends to wrap up before the events can happen. Well, that's the pace of life, I guess. OH, I squirm writing poor Scout in these moments with no Mom to help her out. Anyway, stay tuned for some action/drama in the next few chapters. I know we're all busy in the summer but I continue to cherish your reviews. Taking a minute to click and drop a line of encouragement is much appreciated. (That's as close to begging as I get nowadays) :-) **


	34. The Dance

The minute I came into the living room, Soda jumped up.

"Look!" he said, excitedly holding up his hand, no longer in an actual cast but instead in some sort of fabric glove-type thing. "I can work!"

"I hope you got a note," I said, a bit skeptically. Darry had been serious, I knew, there was no way he was going to let Soda work unless the doctor specifically okayed it.

"Oh, I did," he said, waving a paper in my face. "I'm a free man!" I thought that was a little funny – most people consider themselves "free" when they _don't_ have to work anymore – leave it to Soda to feel the exact opposite.

"That's great, Soda," I said, quickly reading his doctor's note and then glancing over at Two-Bit. "How 'bout you?" He had something different than his original cast as well.

"I got a walking cast now," he said, "so I can walk on it, but no driving yet."

"That's good, isn't it?" I asked.

"No, it ain't," he said. "I got a date tonight and _she_ has to drive!"

"Yeah," I countered, "well, it's good for me, then, because _I _have a date tonight, and _he_ has to drive." I pointed at Soda.

"_Whaaat?_" Two-Bit feigned horror. "Scout Curtis is going on a _date_? You can't go on a date! What are you_, nine?"_

I tried to punch him in the gut but he blocked me, easily, and held my arm down so I couldn't try again.

"I'm almost thirteen, wise guy," I said, trying to get my arm back. "I'll be in high school, with _you_ next year."

"Yeah, and I finally made it to senior year!" he bragged. Because of the accident, he'd had extra time to take his final exams… by then, he had already seen all of the tests so he knew all the answers.

"Not exactly the _honest_ way," I said, finally yanking my arm free. "So who's your date with, anyway, since you know who mine is?" I asked.

Two-Bit got quiet and I _swear_, he started to blush. I laughed out loud.

"Hahahaha, Two-Bit, you're _blushing!_ Who's the girl?"

Soda was interested now, too.

"C'mon, Two-Bit, who is it?"

"Nobody."

This was different. He was usually a complete braggart when it came to girls, not exactly secretive.

"No way, man, _you_ brought it up, you _gotta_ tell now," Soda said.

"I think I'd better be going," Two-Bit said.

"I think I'm your ride," Soda said. "So fess up."

"It's nothing, okay? Just a real cute girl my mom works with down at the diner, okay?"

I couldn't stop laughing. I had never, ever seen Two-Bit all flustered over a girl.

"Knock it off, _Samantha_," he said. He only called me that when he was trying to get me mad.

"Well, sorry, _Keith_," I countered, "but it's cute to see you like a girl enough to actually blush about her."

"I ain't blushing," he said, standing up. "C'mon Soda, now… about that ride?"

"Yeah, alright," Soda got up, still grinning, and followed him out the door.

"Be right back, Scout."

"Bye Two-Bit," I called, still laughing a little bit myself.

As soon as I heard the car pull out of the driveway, I took a deep breath and went into my bedroom. I put the envelope with my money on the dresser and, acting on impulse, I opened my top drawer and took out Mom's ring, slipping it onto my thumb. I just wanted, somehow, for her to be a part of my first date.

"I miss you, Mommy," I whispered, choosing to leave it at that and not get myself all worked up, figuring that having eyes all red and puffy from crying all afternoon wouldn't be all that attractive for a first date.

I sat down on my bed, staring into my mirror, trying to see myself objectively. I was short, and that was an obvious disadvantage when trying to look older, but I looked at myself critically, trying to figure out how others saw me.

I was startled enough to jump when Pony was suddenly at my open door.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"God, Pony, you scared me!"

"_Sorry_. Why are you just sitting there/"

I hesitated to ask him; Pony hardly even looked at girls. But he was there, and probably more than Soda or Darry, who would just be looking out for my feelings, he would be most likely to be honest.

"Pony, what do I look like… to boys, I mean? Am I pretty? Or just short and… weird, or, average, or ugly, or what?"

He didn't answer, he just looked at me like I was nuts.

"Pony, come on. Who else am I supposed to ask? I mean, I know you _guys _are all really handsome, because all the girls always say so, but me - I have no idea. Am I normal, or weird, or… what?"

"Scout, I mean… I'm your _brother_. I don't know, I just see you as my sister."

"Well, then look at me as just a regular boy would, not my brother.."

"You're just… _Scout_."

"Pony_, please._" I stared at him until he gave in. He stared back at me with what I guessed was a more discerning eye.

"You're cute, Scout," he finally said, staring at his shoes. "I think… you have that dimple, I mean, I'm sure guys love that."

"Really?" I always just thought my dimple made me look like a little kid. "That's _cute?_ Or does it just make me look young?"

"It's cute." He was squirming at my questions.

"So, Pony, _really_, pretend you aren't my brother. Would you think I was pretty?"

"Scout, you _are_ my sister. I can't just forget that. I mean…_of course_ you're pretty. Why are you worried anyway, you already have Ben…"

"I just… I'm worried about going to the high school next year. I don't want to stand out. I'm _already_ a year younger than everyone else."

"I'll be there, Scout. And Two-Bit. You'll be okay."

I thought about it. It _would_ be nice to have them there. I wished Soda was still in school too, though.

"Thanks, Pony," I said, finally, hearing Soda come back home.

"No problem," he said. He turned to leave, then stopped and looked back at me, adding,

"You know, your hair looked real cute the way you did it for the state lady yesterday. I bet Ben would like that."

He left and headed out to the living room to talk to Soda, and I had to smile.

I went down the hall into the bathroom, wanting to shower before the dance, to try to put myself together from the bottom up, a clean slate. I wanted to look, and feel, and smell better for Ben than I ever had. This felt more… _official _than anything had ever felt with Ben.

I thought about my conversation with Darry that morning about shaving, and wished that I had done that earlier and had a razor to shave… especially the newly hairy parts, namely my underarms.

I was pretty sure Ben wouldn't want any part of my armpits, though, anyway, so I let it go, thankful I had Mom's deodorant. I didn't think either Darry or Soda would appreciate me "borrowing" their razors to shave my underarms.

I washed and scrubbed every inch of myself, double shampooing my hair and making sure to comb it out under the water so I knew it wouldn't tangle. Finally, I shut off the water, grabbed my towel, and stepped out of the shower. I could hear Pony and Soda still talking in the living room.

I dried off and wrapped myself in the towel, wishing I had brought my clothes in with me. I draped another towel around my shoulders and opened the bathroom door, heading down the hall to my room.

Soda whistled at me, as was typical, and, to my surprise, I heard Pony telling him to stop.

"She's getting self-conscious," I heard him say quiety. "She's been asking me if I think she's pretty."

I made it to my room and shut the door, not wanting to hear Soda's response to that.

I sat down on the bed and looked at myself in the mirror again, scrubbed clean. I grabbed my comb, parted my hair and began braiding.

I finished both braids and got dressed, making sure everything was clean, and using not only Mom's deodorant, but a bit of her perfume, too. I hadn't been able to find any blush, so I put a dab of red lipstick on each cheek, spit on my fingers, and rubbed it in. I had no idea how to deal with any other kind of makeup, so that was going to have to do it. I lay down on my bed for a while, trying to settle the butterflies in my stomach, and was surprised to hear Darry come in. I glanced at the clock, shocked that it was already five-thirty.

I lay there a few moments longer, eventually hearing Pony call me.

"_Scout, dinner._"

I sat up, smoothing back my hair and grabbing the envelope off my dresser. I headed out into the kitchen, totally self-conscious in my dress, having already stressed incessantly over my face and hair. I was prepared for the worst teasing ever.

"Scout… you look real nice," Soda said. Pony had obviously called them all off, and I was so grateful. Soda had showered and put on a nice shirt, too.

"Thanks," I said, quietly, sitting down in my seat. "Darry… this is for you," I said, handing over the envelope.

He took it, but there was obvious sadness… or something… in his expression.

"Thanks Scout," he barely whispered.

I squeezed his knee under the table as Soda served up pieces of the Shepherd's pie he'd cooked that afternoon.

I picked at it, but was way too nervous to eat much.

"So, Scout, you're driving there with Kevin and coming home with Soda?" Darry asked.

"Yeah."

"Ten thirty. Got it?"

"I got it."

"Do _you_ get it, Soda?"

"I get it."

"Pony, you too. Ten-thirty. And I'll know if you aren't here because I'm sure I will be able to convince one of your siblings to squeal on you."

"I'll be home," Pony said unenthusiastically.

"Are you going out, Dar?" I asked, hopefully.

"Yeah, I'm gonna stop by Angelo's and see if Ali can't get off early for a soda or something. I might be back before you all though, so don't count on me being gone and thinking you can be late."

"We won't," Pony and I both said,robotically, which made Darry laugh at us.

"Come on, you two… I'm not that bad."

"I don't remember Mom and Dad grilling _you _about curfew all through dinner," I said. "I haven't even had a _chance_ to break it yet and I'm already getting lectured."

Darry eyed me playfully.

"Poor Scout," he said in a woeful voice, tugging at a braid.

"You know, you can be a pain sometimes, Darry," I said, getting up. "But I suppose it's just part of your job." I patted him on the shoulder as I brought my dishes over to the sink. I wasn't really mad, and he knew it, I just wanted a few minutes alone before Ben showed up to get me.

I was surprised when just a few minutes after I had gone back down the hall to my room, Darry was knocking at my door.

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah." He came in and shut the door behind him, which was always a little weird, since it meant he didn't want Pony or Soda to hear us. He sat down on the spare bed across from me.

"You look really pretty," he said. I was pretty sure Pony had told him to say that, but it was nice, regardless.

"Thanks." I felt myself blushing a little.

"Are you nervous?" he asked. I knew this was him trying to take Mom's place with this pre-date talk and, as awkward as it was, I loved him for it.

"Kinda," I admitted.

"Scout, you know that Ben can't make you do anything…"

"I'm not nervous about _Ben_, Darry. It's just… it's _high school_ kids. I just don't want to look dumb, or not fit in."

"There's definitely nothing dumb about you," he said, "and I'm sure you'll fit in. You're used to being around older kids all the time, anyway. It's not like you're shy."

"I know, it's just – the first time for anything is always kinda scary, you know?"

"But the good thing is," he pointed out, "once you get it over with, you never have to deal with the 'first time' again."

I was actually pretty impressed. For Darry, that was pretty serious parental wisdom.

"_Here._" He handed me two dollars. "You earned it, so take this, in case you need it. And call here or Angelo's if there are any problems."

"Darry, Soda and Kevin and Ben are all gonna be there. What the heck could happen to me?"

"Nothing, I hope. But… just in case." Just then the doorbell rang.

"Look's like your date's here," Darry said, then shook his head. "I can't believe I'm saying that," he stared at me. "_Your_ date."

"Darry, relax, it's Ben. You know him, you know he won't do anything wrong."

"Still…" He stood up and headed out to the living room with me. I opened the door and there stood Ben, looking particularly nice in a button down shirt. He seemed taller than usual, and I noticed he had new shoes.

"Hey."

"Hey," he said. "You look nice. Are you ready?"

I looked back at Darry. I was a little worried he might try to be all corny and start with the "_Now, Benjamin, what exactly are your intentions with my sister?" _sort of nonsense, but he didn't.

"You take good care of her, Ben," was all he said.

"I will." He took my hand, and led me outside.

"Hey, Scout?" Darry called after me.

"Yeah?"

"Have fun."

I smiled as Ben led me through the darkness between our houses to Kevin's car.

……………………………..

Kevin wasn't outside yet, but the two of us climbed into the car to wait for him, Ben sliding all the way over to the passenger door and pulling me into the middle. He looked over at me, but didn't say anything.

"What?"

"I like that dress on you," he said. "In fact, I think I'd like just about any dress on you."

"It was Anna's," I admitted.

"I don't care who it came from," he said, "it looks real nice on you."

"You look pretty handsome yourself," I said. "But now with your new shoes you're even taller than me than usual."

"Well, I am the _guy_ in this relationship, I have to make sure I get to be in control by having you always have to look up to me…."

I gave him a look, fake laughed at his pathetic joke, and caught him totally off guard by tickling his stomach. He yelped and tried to get me back, and in a second we were both reduced to giggles and screams. I remembered that first time I had kissed him, how we had tickled each other – right then, for the first time since that night, I felt like I had recovered a little bit of the innocence of that moment. For the first time since the night of that first kiss, I felt Ben's hands on me, and there was no hint of fear -of Steve, or what he had done to me. It was just me and Ben, and it was nice. _Comfortable_.

Suddenly the front door opened and Kevin got in.

"Jesus, you two. Its gonna be a long four years of high school keeping you two out of trouble if you already can't keep your hands to yourself."

"She tickled me!" Ben said.

"Yeah, okay," Kevin snickered, and started the car. We picked up Kate and she was her normal non-stop chatty self. I wondered briefly how Kevin ever got her to shut up long enough to kiss her.

We pulled up to the church function hal and I was sort of surprised to see how many people were there. I guessed church dances got a whole lot more popular in the summer, when there's not a whole lot else to do. Kevin and Kate stopped outside to talk to some friends, while Ben and I made our way inside. I was glad that Darry had given me some money, because it hadn't occurred to me that we would have to pay for the dance. The junior high school dances were always free. I went to pull out some money, but Ben stopped me.

"I asked _you_, remember? I'll pay." We got up to the front of the line to go inside, and I recognized the man standing behind the two teenagers collecting the money as the church's minister.

"Benjamin," he said, "nice to see you. We've missed you around here."

"Yeah…" Ben tried to come up with an excuse for his poor church attendance, but failed. "I apologize for that."

"Well, we'd be happy to see you back here any time."

"Thanks. I'll try."

"I didn't think you were old enough to be going into high school yet," the minister said to Ben. I struggled to remember his name. Hey… Hair… Hayes. That was it_. Hayes._

"Well, _I'm_ not, quite yet, but Scout's my date and she's going to be a freshman in the fall."

The minister seemed to notice me for the first time. He was the one who had handled my parents' funeral service.

"Well, hello Scout," he said. "It's so nice to see you. How are you and your brothers doing?"

"Fine, thank you," I said, and, feeling like something more was in order, I added, "I wanted to thank you, for all of your help with our parents' funerals, and all." Ben squeezed my hand.

"Well, Scout, I have to admit, that was a difficult service – for everyone - but I really admire how stoic both you and your brothers were. And I hope you know that any of you are welcome back in the church anytime - with no pressure to become members… we all can use a little heavenly guidance from time to time, I think."

You're certainly not kidding about _that_, I was thinking.

Ben nudged me. "Looks like we better go inside," he said, "we're holding up the line. Nice to see you again, Pastor Hayes."

"You too, Benjamin, and you Scout, too. Have fun."

Ben pulled me inside the door and immediately pulled me into a hug.

"Sorry about that… if that was awkward," he whispered.

"It was okay… It's getting easier to talk about," I admitted. "He was just being nice." I had no issues with the minister – it certainly wasn't _his_ fault my parents died and he had to lay them to rest. He was just doing his job.

"Want something to drink?" Ben asked. There was a table set up on one side of the recreation hall with a punch bowl and some cookies and things.

"You think it's spiked?" I asked. That was constantly happening at school dances, but I wasn't sure if people would try to pull that off at a church dance.

"Nah, I doubt it, but I'll test it, first." He pulled me over to the table and poured a cup, taking a hesitant sip.

"It's okay," he said, pouring another cup and handing it to me. We moved over to the side of the room and stood there for a few minutes, taking it all in. I realized we were both pretty much imposters - neither one of us really old enough to be at a high school dance, but nobody seemed to care – at least not enough to pick on us, anyway. I watched the older kids dancing – some with decidedly better moves than others, and suddenly the music changed from fast to slow.

"Wanna dance?" Ben asked, looking down at me. He looked so handsome right then that I wondered how I ever could have told Anna a few months before that I couldn't tell if he was attractive or not.

"Yes," I said, decisively, putting my hand in his and letting him pull me out to the dance floor. I rested my head against his chest and felt his heart beating as his arms circled around my shoulders. The chaperones prowled around looking for any hands that were wandering inappropriately, but neither Ben nor I was interested in getting harassed about that, so we just swayed slowly to the music. He moved his mouth over towards my ear and made a warm feeling rise up in my face when he whispered,

"Your hair smells really good."

I took the opportunity to mention the fact that I could smell his cologne – not overpowering – just nice, and that he didn't smell so bad himself. I closed my eyes, as I saw some of the older girls doing, and just let myself get lost in the sensation of him guiding me along, gently rocking. I massaged his shoulder muscles a little and he made a contented sigh against my neck.

And then, all of a sudden, the music was fast again, and the moment was over, for a while anyway, until the next time the music slowed and he pulled me back against him again.

After a while of dancing, Ben headed off to the bathroom, leaving me with Kevin and Kate. I was grateful when Kate's sister Sarah, who I knew from basketball, came over and started talking to me. I guess she didn't know I was dating Kevin's brother.

"Scout, I totally forgot that Kevin had a brother, and you're _dating_ him?"

"Well, kinda, yeah."

"Oh, don't give me that 'kinda," if he's anything like Kevin, he's gonna grow up to be a real looker. And I saw how you two were dancing together."

I just laughed. I thought he looked pretty good already, but if he was gonna become even more of a "looker," that was fine with me.

Just then he came back and put his arm around my shoulder.

"Hi, Sarah," he said, pulling me tight against him. I don't think it mattered that he wasn't in high school yet; he acted the part perfectly. The music slowed again, and he excused us to go back out to the dance floor.

"Are you havin' a good time?" he whispered in my ear, as the sound of the Young Rascals' _Groovin'_ filled the room.

"Yeah. I think I definitely like this, dancing with you," I said, as he rubbed my shoulders.

"I think the feeling's mutual," he whispered, sneaking a kiss as the chaperones busied themselves with a particularly friendly couple in the far corner. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and Ben must have felt the same, since he suddenly pulled his head up. Both of us looked up and came face to face with Soda.

"May I cut in?" he asked, a crazy grin on his face.

"Hi Soda," Ben said, letting go of me and passing me off to Soda. He looked at Sandy and was a very good sport.

"Shall we?" he asked, and he took her hands and led her in the dance, in far less close proximity to her than he had been to me.

Soda spun me around and made me laugh, then hugged me in an entirely brotherly way as we danced, a completely different way than it had felt with Ben.

"Everything going okay?" he asked. "You look like you're having a good time."

"I am. Thanks for coming so I could go."

"Well… you're gonna grow up whether your brothers like it or not, so I guess we gotta do the best we can to make it a good experience."

I leaned my head against him and we swayed slowly until the song came to a close and he pulled away.

"You're a good brother, Soda," I whispered.

"You're my favorite sister," he whispered back, kissing the top of my head, and we both laughed. Ben was back at my side right away, seeming pretty glad to be back in familiar territory with me than the dangerous and unfamiliar territory he'd been treading in with Sandy.

"Meet me out front at ten," Soda said, squeezing my shoulder, and then disappeared into the crowd.

The last half hour or so of the dance was largely slow songs, and I got so comfortable in the warmth of Ben's chest and the comfort of the soft swaying that when suddenly the bright lights came back on and people started heading for the exits, it was a bit startling. Ben led me out to the front, where Soda and Sandy were waiting, Soda sitting on the hood of Two-Bit's car, his lips giving Sandy's their full attention. Ben and I just walked by them, me slapping Soda on the knee as I walked by.

"Time to go, loverboy," I said, and in a minute he and Sandy were climbing into the front seat and the car was roaring to life.

"You guys have fun?" Soda asked, and both Ben and I answered simultaneously.

"Yeah."

"Thanks for the ride home, Soda," Ben added.

"No problem," he answered. I leaned up against Ben, not wanting the warmth, the security of his heartbeat against my ear and his arms around my shoulders to end. I was almost asleep against him as we pulled up at home, and I sat up as Soda slowed the car, noticing that it had started to rain, hard. As we came to a stop, the rain was pounding down.

"I'm gonna drive Sandy home, 'kay Scout? I'll be home in about twenty minutes. Ben - no going in, okay? Darry might get home anytime anyway. I looked in the driveway and noticed his truck was still gone.

"I won't," Ben said, taking my hand and opening the door.

"Ready?" he asked me, and I nodded.

"Let's go!" he yelled and he pulled me out of the car, both of us getting drenched as we ran to the gate, struggled to open it, and finally sprinted for the porch, reaching it both laughing and entirely drenched.

We stood in the porch light, catching our breath. I looked up at Ben and he pulled me in close again, leaning down to kiss me. I shivered – whether it was from the kiss or the cold, I didn't know, but, in either case, it sent chills up my spine.

"You should go in and dry off," Ben said quietly.

"You too," I whispered.

"Thanks for being my date tonight, Scout," he said, kissing my forehead and pushing my wet hair back behind my ears.

"Thanks for asking me," I said. He leaned over and kissed me again, just as I heard the door open behind me and Pony's voice calling.

"_Scout, is that you?"_

Ben pulled away, and trailed a gentle hand down my cheek.

"Night Scout," he said, and was gone, disappearing around the side of the house. I turned to see Pony silhouetted in the front doorway.

"So, did you have a good time?" he asked as I came inside.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I really did."

I had a definite feeling that I was gonna like being a teenager, and that my dreams would be nothing but sweet that night.

……………………

**A/N: Or… maybe not such sweet dreams. We'll see. I know. I'm mean. But you're better about telling me what you think about the story when I'm mean. ******


	35. The Doubt

I felt like I was walking on air as I washed up and got ready for bed, playing and replaying the events of the night in my mind. _Finally_, I thought – a _good_ memory stuck in my head for once. I crawled into bed, resting my head on my pillow, imagining the warmth of Ben's arms still around me, the beating of his heart against my ear, the two of us swaying softly to the music.

………………….

I awoke with a start to the slamming of car doors and yelling outside. I sat up, looking at my clock: One-fifteen. It was still raining, which made the voices somewhat unintelligible, but it was at least a few men, from what I could tell. I sat frozen in bed, listening, as the voices came closer and I heard footsteps on the porch. By this time I heard Soda outside my door.

"_Soda?_"

"Stay there, Scout."

I heard the front door open and the screen slam, then voices I recognized. Two-Bit, first.

"Just get him into the bedroom, he just needs to sleep it off."

"I'm _fine_, get your hands off me, Mathews." That was Darry, sounding belligerent like I had never heard him before.

"Darry, look, don't wake everybody up. Just go to bed. I'll take you to get the truck tomorrow." That voice I recognized as Tim Shepard.

I got out of bed and went into the hallway, where Pony was already standing, peeking into the living room.

"Two-Bit, what the hell happened to him?" Soda asked. "Where'd you find him?"

"I don't know, exactly," Two-Bit said, struggling a bit under Darry's weight. "Found him at Buck's. From what I can tell, he had some sort of argument with Alison and a few guys at Angelo's said they were heading out for a few beers and invited him to join 'em… Guess he had more n' a few though."

I stared, shocked. I had never seen Darry out of control like he was right then. He wouldn't have been able to stand, if Two-Bit and Tim weren't supporting him on either side. To be honest, it was terrifying to me.

"Is he okay?" I asked, startling everyone but Ponyboy, who had known I was there.

"Scout, go back to bed. He's fine." Soda didn't even turn around to look at me, he was staring at Darry.

"Kid, he wouldn't want you to see this," Tim said to me, gently. "Go back to bed."

"Don't get on her case, Shepard!" Darry suddenly yelled, surprising me.

"Darry," Soda started, "c'mon, let's just get you to bed."

"No, Soda. Why _can't_ Scout see this? Hell, she knows I'm no good as a guardian, anyways. She heard the state lady. You know, leaving her unattended and all. I forgot about her graduation, for Christ's sake!"

I was stunned. I had no idea that still bothered him.

"Darry…" Two-Bit tried.

"_Shut up_, Two-Bit! You don't have any idea how it is, bending over backwards to try to keep things from falling apart and then all you get is people telling you how you're not good enough, you're not doing enough!"

"Darry, c'mon," Soda tried one more time.

"No, _you_ can shut up, too, Soda because you guys know more than anybody that they're right. _They're all right_. I'm _not_ good enough. Hell, look at everything I've screwed up since I've been in charge. I hit Pony, and lost the two of you for a week, then I almost did the same damned thing again." He stared right at me. "_Jesus Christ_, I almost hit you, Scout. You deserve better than that. _They're right_."

"You _didn't_ hit me, Darry." I said, and Two-Bit looked at me. "He didn't. It was just a misunderstanding."

"No, Scout. I'm not good at this. I'm not good enough. Everybody thinks so – the state, Alison…" He was slurring his words and it almost seemed like he was crying, but I refused to believe that. Darry would never cry in front of Tim Shepard.

I, however, _was_ crying. I couldn't believe what he was saying. Two-Bit had told me a million times that the way to find out what somebody was really thinking was to get them drunk. It broke my heart to hear that he was so unhappy, that he doubted himself so much. I never thought he had a breaking point – at least not about what people said about his job as our guardian, anyway.

Two-Bit looked at Darry and said, in the most sympathetic voice I'd heard from him since our parents died,

"Come on, Darry, let's don't do this, huh? You're scaring Scout."

Darry looked over at me. Pony had come over and was standing behind me, his hands on my shoulders.

"No. I'm not scared of him, Two-Bit." But I wasn't sure if maybe I actually was, a little.

Darry shrugged off Tim and Two-Bit and stumbled down the hall into his room. Soda followed, and Two-Bit followed after Soda.

I looked up to see Tim still standing where Darry had left him.

"Sorry we woke you up," Tim said. "You shouldn't 've had to see that."

I didn't say anything. I was still too shocked at the whole situation to make any real sense of it.

"He'll be okay, Scout. Just had a bad night, tonight, is all." I couldn't remember Tim ever calling me by my actual name before, and it comforted me, a little, that Darry always had people looking out for him, people who had his back.

Tim walked over to us and handed Ponyboy Darry's truck keys.

"Tell him to call me in the morning if he needs a ride out there."

"Okay," Pony said quietly, then: "Thanks, Tim."

"No problem," he said. "Your brother's a good guy. Just let his troubles get the best of him for one night. He'll be all right."

I heard Tim leave, but couldn't even look up to say goodbye.

His troubles, Tim had said. You didn't have to be a genius to know that we were the main source of his troubles: Soda, Pony and me. We were why he left college. We were why he worked himself ragged. We were why he had no social life, no time with his girlfriend, no time with his buddies.

Darry was miserable because of _us_.

It was a thought I'd had before, in fleeting moments, but to see it have come to this: Darry, fighting with Tim and Two-Bit and berating himself for not cutting it as our guardian… this just about knocked the breath clear out of me.

Two-Bit emerged from Darry's room and saw Pony and me still standing where he'd left us.

"Go to bed, you two. He's okay. Soda's taking care of him. He probably won't be feelin' too hot in the morning, but it's nothin' I ain't lived through a few times myself." I was silently glad that it was raining and Darry wouldn't have to work the next day.

Pony squeezed my shoulders and turned me back towards the bedroom, but I turned back towards Two-Bit before he left.

"Two-Bit?"

"Yeah?"

"He didn't almost hit me. He wouldn't."

"I know. Go to bed, 'kay Scooter? He's okay."

I watched as Two-Bit disappeared out into the rain.

"Soda will take care of him, Scout. We should just get back to bed." Pony's hand was still on my shoulder.

I didn't answer. I wanted, more than anything, to talk to him about what had just happened, about the side of our brother that had just been revealed to us, but, on the other hand, a part of me wanted to just crawl into bed and fall asleep and forget that it ever happened.

But it _had_ happened. And it felt like it had shaken me right down to my foundation.

I went back into my room and crawled into bed. Pony stood at the door and watched me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, then. 'Night." He closed my door and I heard him go down the hall to Darry's room. I heard him and Soda talking, then water running in the bathroom. After a while, the whole house quieted down, and I heard Soda and Pony talking in their own bed. I tried to block out what had just happened, to get back to the safe feeling of the dance and leaning on Ben that I'd had when I'd first gone to bed that night.

I finally must have dozed off, but awoke not too much later to the unmistakable sound of Darry getting sick. He sounded pretty miserable, and I didn't hear anybody else moving, so I crept out of bed. Remembering what Ben had done for me after I'd thrown up from drinking, I stopped in the bathroom and got Darry's toothbrush, put some toothpaste on it, and took that and a glass of water down the hall to Darry's room. I quietly opened his door to find him sitting on the side of the bed leaning over his trash can.

"Darry?"

He looked up, an expression of sheer misery on his face.

"Go to bed, Scout."

I walked over to him and handed him the toothbrush.

"I thought this might help, a little."

He brushed and spat into the trash can, then looked up at me and buried his face in his hands.

"What the fuck am I doing?" he cried. "What did I do?"

I sat down next to him and rubbed his back.

"It's okay, Darry."

"It's not okay. Why can't I get this right? Damnit… Alison, and you guys…" He suddenly pulled me into a hug and I hugged back, not too hard, not wanting to make him sick again. He smelled like a bar: cigarettes and beer, and not at all like Darry. I wasn't altogether surprised- this Darry was a stranger to me.

"I love you," I whispered in his ear and let him lay back down onto the bed, mumbling to himself.

I took the trash can and went down to the bathroom, dumping it out and rinsing it in the tub, filling it with an inch or so of water in case he needed it again. Just as I turned, I heard Soda call from the hallway.

"_Darry?_"

"No, it's me."

"What are you doing?"

"He got sick. I was just rinsing it out."

"Jesus, Scout, it ain't your job to be doing that."

"Well, whose job _is it_ then, Soda?" I was yelling at him, but still somehow managing a whispered tone. "He'd be doing it for us if we were sick. He does everything around here for us, and he still thinks he's not good enough. That's our fault, for totally taking him for granted. No wonder he resents us."

"Scout, that was the drink talking tonight. Darry doesn't resent us."

I didn't answer, because honestly, I was still too confused to know who or what to believe. Soda took the trash can out of my hand.

"I'll take care of this," he said. "You go back to bed."

I went back into my bedroom and lay in bed but couldn't sleep. Besides all that was going on in my head, it had started to storm outside and that just brought back another whole set of upsetting thoughts – while I had used to climb into my parents' bed for comfort, what lay in their bed right then was my miserable and drunk brother who suddenly seemed like a stranger.

I tried and tried to sort out the thoughts in my head but, finally, with nobody to talk to, I sat up in bed and went over to my desk. I turned on my light and began to write, words I knew I could never say without crying.

_Dear Darry,_

_I'm writing this letter to you because I know I'm a crybaby and if I try to talk to you about what you said tonight I'll just cry and never get to say what I mean._

_It scared me to hear you say that you believe what the state lady said. It felt like… I don't know, like it hurt my heart to hear you saying those things – that you don't think you're good enough for us, or that somebody else could do a better job. I don't want anyone else. I want you, because you know us, and you love us, and you're doing the best job anybody ever could. But now I wonder if maybe it's too much for you, if I'm just being greedy, by wanting you to take care of us, because I love you. I don't want you to be miserable because you have to take care of me. So I hope it's not me that's making you unhappy, it's just that you think you're not doing a good job when, really, you are. Nobody could do better than you are. I didn't know that you were feeling so bad and now I feel bad that I don't say more often that you're the only person I'd want taking care of me since I can't have Mom and Dad. I hate it that you are so sad because of us… of me._

_Please stop doubting yourself, Darry, because Pony and Soda and I don't doubt the job you're doing one bit._

_Love,_

_Scout_

I reread it over and over again and still it didn't seem like exactly what I wanted it to say, but I just couldn't seem to get the words to come out right. Finally, I gave up, folded it in half and put Darry's name on the front. I tiptoed down to his room and slipped inside, putting it on the table next to his bed under the toothbrush.

I stopped a minute before closing his door and looked back at him – just barely a man, but having to shoulder all the responsibilities that had been previously split between two parents. I wished I could tell him – and be sure he believed it – how much I loved and admired him.

I closed the door and returned to my own room, falling back asleep to the sound of rain on the roof as the first light of day seeped through my shades.

XXXXXXXXX

**A/N: Everybody – yes, even Darry – has a breaking point. Thoughts? And feel free to comment on the last chapter too since the review feature decided to crash for a few days immediately after I posted last time.**


	36. The Note

I woke up to the sound of Darry calling Soda into his room. I could hear the TV on and was guessing Darry had also… Soda was the only one who sat in front of the television on Saturday mornings. Pony and I preferred to sleep as late as Darry let us, and Darry usually took care of stuff around the house, normally involving hammering, which both Pony and I knew was a plot to get us out of bed. I heard Soda get up and go to Darry's room, opening his squeaky door.

"You alright?" I heard Soda ask. I actually leaned my ear up against our shared wall to hear what they were saying.

"Can you go into my top drawer and get me some aspirin?" I heard Darry ask. There was a drawer opened and shut, and I heard a creak as I guessed Soda was sitting down on Darry's bed. Darry groaned and I heard the glass of water I'd left there in the night get set back down.

"What the hell_ happened_, Darry? Jesus, you've never been one to get wasted like that. You were a _mess_."

"I know, Soda. I mean, I_ don't_ know, but I can only imagine, based on how I feel right now."

"_Why_, Darry? I mean, are you really _that_ miserable? You know everything that state lady got on your case for was bunk. We all know that."

"Look, Soda, I just cracked, okay? Like when I did when I hit Pony… the pressure, it just gets to me sometimes and I just... I lost control. I'm not proud of it, believe me. Least the only one I hurt this time was me."

"You scared Scout and Pony pretty bad. Only time they've seen one of us that bad off was me, the night that… well, the night Steve hurt Scout."

"Jesus Christ," I heard Darry mutter.

"I get it, Darry," Soda said. "To be honest, I'm surprised the pressure doesn't get to you more often. Scout said to me last night – ad she was right – we take you for granted a lot of the time. I forget you might have doubts – and I forget to tell you you're doing a great job."

"She wrote me a note."

There was a pause.

"Yeah, well, I think she was probably awake listening for you, to make sure you were okay. I caught her cleaning out the trash can in the bathroom in the middle of the night last night after you got sick. She loves you, Darry. You're doing such a good job with her… me and Pony – she loves us, and we love her, but she _needs_ you, Darry. You're the only real adult she has. And you handle the girl stuff real good. I wouldn't do as good as you do with that."

"I try. She deserves at least that from me. It isn't easy for her, I'm sure, stuck with three guys."

There was a long pause.

"So, you gonna get up, or you wanna rest some more? I'm the only one up. Pony and Scout are still sleeping."

"What time is it?"

"Eight-thirty."

"I'm gonna lie back down for an hour or so, see if I can lose the headache."

"Okay. You want me to call Tim and have him take me to get your truck?"

"Oh shit, I forgot about that. Nah, don't wake him up. We can go later, you can take me in Two-Bit's car, okay?"

"Yeah, 'kay. Good luck with the headache." I heard the bed creak again as Soda got up.

"Huh, thanks," Darry said sarcastically, and I heard his door shut.

Knowing he was okay, and would be sleeping again, just across the wall from me, I turned over and went back to sleep.

…………………….

I slept like a rock, glad that this time my dreams returned to the dance and Ben, his hands around my shoulders. I awoke with a start as someone sat on my bed.

"Sorry, baby." It was Darry, freshly showered and smelling like himself again. "Didn't mean to scare you. I called you but you didn't wake up. I guess you were pretty tired, huh?"

"Yeah." I rubbed my eyes and tried to orient myself. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was eleven. Darry never let us sleep that late.

I lay back on the pillow and stretched.

"I got your note," he said, softly. "I'm real sorry about that, last night… I wish you hadn't 've had to see that."

I looked down at the sheets, biting at my lip, but trying not to, since I knew Darry knew that was a sign I was upset.

"Scout, talk to me, please. Go ahead and be mad, yell at me. I deserve it, I was stupid." He pushed my hair back off my face. It was still in braids from the dance but a night of restless sleep had sent more than a few strands astray.

"Scout, come on. Don't shut me out."

"I just feel… bad," I finally said. "I don't want you to be miserable because you have to take care of us. Two-Bit always tells me people tell the truth when they're drunk, and you said…"

"Whoa… slow down." He took my hand in his. "I wasn't thinking straight last night, obviously, or I wouldn't have drank so much and made a scene. Not everything Two-Bit says is gospel, you know. I _want _to be in charge of you, and Soda and Pony. It would _kill _me if anybody else but me got to do it."

"But you said…"

"I don't even know what I said, Scout, except that whatever it was, it scared you, and I feel really bad about that. But _right now_ I'm sober, and I _know _what I'm saying and I'm telling you, I love you and your brothers, and I _want_ to take care of you."

"Then why… what happened? What did we do? I mean, I thought things were really going good."

"It was nothing any of _you_ did, baby. It was me, judging myself, and feeling bad about missing your graduation, the fight we had after I had to come get you at that party, the fights I have with Pony…"

"Darry, we all had fights with Mom and Dad, too. They weren't perfect, and none of us expect you to be, either."

"_I do_, sometimes," he said, and, realizing how true that was, how much pressure he put on himself, I sat up and leaned my head against his chest, smelling the Curtis aftershave I recognized and loved.

"What happened with Alison?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Just a disagreement. She thought I was overreacting by not wanting you to be around Anna for a while… I think after all the second-guessing of me the state lady did, it just rubbed me the wrong way and I overreacted. I'll call her later."

"_I _don't think you're overreacting." I thought about how different it was, leaning against Darry than it was leaning against Ben. I loved them both so much but, right then, loving Ben seemed easy and loving Darry seemed complicated. I thought about it for a minute then added,

"I wish you would take more time for yourself, to be with Alison, and your friends. I'm getting old enough Darry – I babysit _other_ people's kids, I don't need a babysitter myself. You don't have to stay home all the time because of us." He was quiet for a while.

"Scout?" I was still tired and closing my eyes against him.

"Yeah?"

"Know who I ran into at Buck's last night?"

"Uh… Two-Bit and Tim?" That seemed obvious. He laughed.

"Besides them, I mean."

"_Buck?_ I don't know, Darry, I don't know who goes to Buck's. I don't go there."

"Luke."

"_Who?_"

"Luke Kennedy. I played football with him, and he was on the search team that found you when you were lost in the woods."

"Oh." I had no idea where he was going with this. "Okay…"

"He said he saw you at the rodeo."

"Oh." Suddenly I sort of knew where he was going with it.

"He said you were alone, and some guy was picking on you, trying to put his hands on you, and he had to step in."

I didn't answer.

"The boys _left_ you? They left you, and some strange guy tried to touch you, and you didn't ever say anything to me?." He didn't sound mad, he sounded kind of sad, actually.

"I was okay. I didn't want to get them in trouble – Two-Bit already _was_ in trouble – I just decided to let it go. Why do you even care? It was months ago."

"I don't know… I don't even know if I can explain it. Just… to know that somebody else, practically a stranger, had to step up and look out for you… It makes me feel like I failed, like I'm failing you."

"Darry, you weren't even there."

"I know. I guess I just want… I just wish you would _talk_ to me about stuff like that, so I know you are okay, so I don't have to hear it from some stranger, months later, and feel like he's judging me, for leaving my kid sister alone at the rodeo, and wondering if you actually _were_ okay."

"He wasn't judging you, Darry. He's real nice."

"I know. Just… do you think, when stuff like that happens, can you talk to me about it?"

"Yeah, I mean, I would have, but I just figured there was no point. I was okay. Sometimes things are gonna happen that you won't know about, Dar. I mean, I'm sure you didn't tell Mom and Dad about everything that ever happened to you."

"No," he admitted. "I guess I just overreacted… last night certainly wasn't exactly a shining moment in my guardianship. Christ, having your little sister cleaning out your trash can after you throw up in it isn't exactly being a great brother."

"It wasn't that bad, and I know one of you guys would do it for me, if I was sick." I said, trying to think of something positive to say. "I had a really good time at the dance with Ben. And we were all home on time." Then I added, as an afterthought, "Thanks for letting me go."

"Well, I'm glad you had fun. And I'm sorry if I kinda put a damper on your good mood," he said, pulling me tightly into a hug. "I hope you're not still mad, or scared, or whatever. I love you, Scout, and I just want to do right by you and your brothers."

"You don't have to worry, you're doing great," I said, hugging him back.

"Thanks for the note," he said. "I hope I don't have to put up a mailbox in my room for your teenage years."

I laughed.

"And the toothbrush," he added, "really appreciated."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't my idea. Ben did that for me after I got sick that night," I said. It seemed to be getting easier and easier to talk about the good part of that night - the part with Ben - without automatically thinking about the bad part.

We were still there, sitting on my bed talking, a few minutes later when Soda was suddenly knocking urgently on my door.

"_Darry?_"

"Jeez, Soda, _what?_ For chrissakes, don't bust the door down."

"Sorry, but… a cop just pulled up outside. He's coming up the walk."

I felt every muscle in Darry's body tense as a sour taste filled my own mouth.

What now? I thought. Seriously… _what now?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

**A/N: I know, I just get meaner and meaner. I have accidentally mastered the cliffhanger. What exactly did Darry do in his drunken state? But it doesn't mean I don't love you all and eat up your reviews, even when you're mad, 'cause I do. Thanks for being awesome readers. **

**I am not sure how my posting will be for the next two weeks - I'm going to be in France. The good news is: What better thing does anyone have to do on an overseas flight than write fanfiction, really? The bad news is: I'm not sure exactly what my internet situation will be like over there.  
**


	37. The Summons

Darry stood up quickly as Soda opened the door and looked in at us, just as the doorbell rang.

"What the hell, Darry? What do the cops want with us? You get in trouble drinking last night that we don't know about?" Soda looked worried.

"No… I don't know what they want any more than you do." Darry went into the hallway, calling back over his shoulder at me to get some clothes on.

I heard the door opening and then Darry talking in his reserved-for-parents-and-cops voice.

"Can I help you, officer?"

"I'm looking for a Samantha S. Curtis and a … uh…" he hesitated, "…Sodapop P. Curtis."

I froze, pulling on pair of pants. What the heck did the cops want with me and Soda?

"I'm Darrel Curtis, their guardian," I heard Darry tell him. "Can I ask what this is all about?"

"I honestly couldn't tell you, Mr. Curtis. Just here to serve them court summons. You said you're their guardian? So they're both minors?"

I peeked my head around the corner of my doorway. Darry's back was blocking my view of the cop. Soda was on the couch in the living room looking just as concerned as I felt. I wanted to go sit with him, but I didn't want the cop to see me walking by.

"That's right."

"Well, then I should deliver them to you, anyway. Samantha S. Curtis and Soda… Sodapop P. Curtis have hereby been served summons to appear before the court of the State of Oklahoma, Muskogee district, on the date and time indicated within."

I saw him hand some papers to Darry, then he had to sign something and give it back.

"Thanks. You have a nice day, now," the cop said as he turned to leave.

"You too, officer," Darry answered. The minute he shut the door I was in his face.

"What was that all about? What is that paper for? Why was he asking for me and Soda?"

"Relax, baby," Darry said. "You're not in trouble. They just assigned a court date for the trial about the car accident. This paper just says when you have to be there, since you and Soda were involved."

"When is it?" I asked.

He opened the letter.

"July tenth," he answered.

"Oh."

Honestly, I had nearly forgotten about the whole court thing, with everything else that had been going on. I felt that familiar dread rising in me again. Darry must have sensed it.

"Scout, you promised me, _no worrying_. You just tell them what you saw. You said you _wanted_ to do this."

"I know," I said. Pony came out from the bathroom in a towel to find the three of us standing there.

"What are you guys doing? What'd I miss?"

"Scout and me got our court date," Soda said.

"Cool," Pony said, and walked through the group of us to his bedroom. "You guys should really make them pay… at least enough to get Soda a new car," he added, before shutting the door. Pony had loved Soda and Darry both having cars, it was a lot easier for him to get rides whenever he wanted to go to the movies.

I went into the living room and sat on the couch, thinking out loud.

"Darry, if we win, and the state has to pay us, how much money would we get? I mean, would it be a lot?"

Darry came in, sticking the papers the cop had given him under a picture on the fireplace mantel, and sitting in the armchair.

"I really don't know," he said, "I mean, people did die and everything, so I guess it might be a fair amount, if the court agrees that the state was wrong."

I thought about that some more. I wished Pony would come out of his room before I said what I wanted to say, but I was pretty sure Soda would back me up, too.

"Dar?"

"Yeah?"

"If we win and get enough money from it, will you promise me that you'll go back to school?"

"Scout, you're getting way ahead of yourself here. We'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it."

"I just don't want you to start – I mean,_ if_ we get the money – I just don't want you making all kinds of reasons why you can't use it for _you_. I mean, if we won, it would be really me and Soda getting the money, since we were the ones in the car, right?"

"I guess so, yeah."

"Then I should get to say what happens with mine. And I want you to have it so you can go back to school."

"Me too," Soda agreed. "All I want is a little bit to get a car again." He had finally accepted that the car from the accident was not in any way salvageable.

"Guys, look - we don't have any more money right now than we did fifteen minutes ago, so let's wait until after court to start making big plans for our riches, okay?"

"I just want you to go back. If you keep denying yourself stuff you deserve just because of us, eventually you're gonna hate us for it." I was sure that was the case. I mean, how _couldn't_ he resent us, when he had to keep giving things up and making sacrifices for us all the time?

"I'm not… and I'm not gonna hate you for anything. Scout. You think way too much about some stuff." We stared at each other for a second, him trying to convince me, and me deciding whether or not to believe him.

"I'm thinking about how hungry I am," Soda suddenly piped up, trying to lighten the mood. "Anybody else want some lunch, since you all slept through breakfast?"

"I do," Darry said.

"Me too," I agreed. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until Soda mentioned it, especially since I hadn't eaten much at dinner the night before.

"How's grilled cheese sound?" Soda asked.

"Perfect," Pony answered, heading out of the bedroom and out to the porch to smoke. Soda headed into the kitchen, leaving Darry and me sitting in silence.

"Dar?"

"What?"

"When you were in school, what were you studying? I mean, what kind of job were you learning to do?"

"Engineering, just like Dad. And business."

"What is that, anyway, engineering? When I was little, I thought Daddy was a train engineer, like, he actually drove the trains, since he worked for the railroad, but I figured out when I got older that he wasn't… but what _did_ he really do?"

Darry laughed.

"I think we all thought that about Dad when we were little, that he drove the trains… he was a different kind of engineer. He designed bridges and stuff for the trains to go on, made sure they were strong enough to bear the weight of the trains, designed stations, stuff like that."

"Is that what you want to do?"

"Kinda... not for the railroad though. I want to be my own boss. That's why I was taking business classes, too. I mean, roofing's okay for now, and I'm good at it, and people hire me since I have a good reputation, but… I actually want to _build_ things. Houses, businesses, hotels. I just _get_ how things go together, you know, kinda like how Soda knows cars and Pony knows art. I can look at the plans for a house and know just by looking whether or not it's gonna hold up, and how to fix it if it isn't. I want to be a part of making the whole thing, you know, not just the roof."

"I guess that makes sense." Darry always liked to be the one in charge, to make sure things were done right. I thought about my brothers, and the gifts they had: Darry for building, Soda for taking things apart and fixing them, and Pony for drawing and writing. I felt a little bit lost. I still had no idea what I would be good at. Except playing basketball, and there was no way on Earth anybody would ever pay me for doing that. Darry misinterpreted my silence.

"Scout, don't worry about court. I mean it. I won't let you testify if it's gonna get you all upset."

"It's not that. I just wonder when I'll know what _I'm_ good at – what _I_ want to be when I grow up."

"Like I already said, you worry too much. You're not even in high school yet! You need to stop thinking so hard, you're on vacation!" He laughed and suddenly bent down and grabbed me around my waist and flung me over his shoulder. I screeched and protested, but he carried me down to the kitchen to an amused Soda, who was just finishing up with a plate full of grilled cheese. Darry put me down as Pony came in and smacked me on the butt. I screeched again at him and sat down as all three of them laughed at me.

"I'm getting kind old for you to be picking me up."

"Sorry," he answered, " but until either you get heavier or I get weaker, there's always gonna be the chance of that happening." He tossed a grilled cheese onto my plate and sat down in the chair next to me.

I looked over at him and had to smile. As much as I wanted to grow up and stop being treated like a kid, I had to wonder a little bit if, when I did get older and they stopped teasing me, whether I might actually miss it.

………………………………….

By the time our early lunch was over, we were all complaining about the heat, so Darry suggested a trip out to the pond to cool off. Not all the way out to Keystone, just to a local swimming hole the kids from town took over every summer, much to the dismay of the local fishermen, as well as the police, who had to keep watch over the place as things occasionally got out of control. A few years back, a kid in Soda's class had drowned there after a beer blast on a particularly hot night. I called Ben, and he and Kevin decided to tag along, while Two-Bit met us out there along with his sister, Katie.

The shore was packed, and everybody pretty much went off in their own direction once we got there. Darry and Kevin found some high school friends home for the summer from college, Two-Bit found some girls to flirt with, Katie took off with a bunch of giggling girls, and Pony and Soda swam out to the raft, leaving Ben and I alone to wander around.

We walked over to some rocks along the side of the water where nobody swam, since it was more weedy than the rest of the pond. We climbed up and sat down on the highest rock, hoping to catch a breeze, and watched as Katie and a bunch of her friends picked on Two-Bit. Eventually she bothered him enough that he picked her up and threw her in the pond, pretty much soaking himself in the process. At that point all her friends ganged up on him and started splashing him anyway, so eventually he gave up and went in wholeheartedly, swimming out into the deep water to sit with Soda and Ponyboy on the dock. Katie didn't follow him, and I wondered if she could swim. Our Mom had insisted on all of us having swimming lessons when we were little, she'd had a cousin that had drowned and always watched over us all like a hawk in the water, despite the fact that we all could swim.

We sat there for a while, just talking and watching the people swimming, laughing at the little kids and gossiping about the older ones. I told Ben about the court summons coming and how I wanted to use any money we got if we won for Darry to go back to school.

"He and Kevin could carpool this year," Ben said. "That should save some money." Kevin was going to Tulsa in the fall too, and playing football there as well.

"Yeah, I guess." I hadn't ever actually told Ben how badly I wanted Darry to go back to school, but I was sure he knew. By this point, we were lying back on the rock, holding hands and nothing more, since it was way too hot to have any other part of our bodies touching. Ben leaned up on one shoulder and looked over at me.

"Darry will do what's best for everyone," he said. "You know that."

"Yeah, it's just that he forgets to include himself in the 'everyone' sometimes," I said.

"He can be stubborn, for sure. I'll give you that. But he loves you guys." Ben said, and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

"Speaking of stubborn, you two need to get back over where Darry can see you." Suddenly Soda was climbing onto the rock next to us. "He sent me out looking for you, he's worried you're off fooling around somewhere."

"Are you kidding? In this heat?" Ben was only joking, but Soda raised an eyebrow at him, looking us over to make sure nothing looked out of place.

"If you're so hot, why aren't you swimming?" Soda asked.

"Well, I think we were just about to do that," I said, pulling Ben up with me and letting him help me down off the rock. We headed over to the swimming area, got a short lecture from Darry about staying within eyeshot, and went into the pond until the water was just up to our necks. The water felt refreshing and surprisingly relaxing after the dry heat of the sun. Ben reached out and held my hand under the water, and I let myself float up onto my back - eyes closed against the bright sun, the water cool over my body, hearing my brothers voices among the crowd, muffled by the water, and feeling Ben's hand holding me tight, keeping me safe.

As I floated along, I wished I could make that feeling of peace and security last all summer long.

XXXXXXXXXX

**A/N: So sorry about the long wait. I thought I would have more time for writing while traveling, but I didn't! Now I am back from France – I had a great time – but I go back to work tomorrow after the summer off, so I may be back to a few days or so between postings. I'll do my best. Thanks for sticking with me. My summer may be ending, but Scout's is just beginning!**


	38. The Thunderheads

I lay there, almost asleep, just floating, until Ben's arms were suddenly around me. He whispered in my ear, obviously not wanting to startle me and cause me to sink and drown.

"Scout, we gotta go in. Darry's getting restless." His face was over mine, and he pulled me over toward him, so my feet sank and my face came to a rest against his neck.

I snuggled up against him and felt him shiver as I kissed his neck. He pushed me away so I was looking him in the face. He shook his head at me and smiled.

"Darry wants us in the truck," he said, as he led me to the shore. "He's been telling us to come in for ten minutes. He wants to get home before it storms. You need anything else besides your towel?" he asked. I saw that Pony and Soda had already packed everything else and were tossing it into the truck. I looked over toward the west and saw the thunderheads off in the distance. We had fallen into the typical Tulsa summer weather pattern: unbearably hot sunny days with storms in the late afternoon that everyone hoped would break the humidity though they never did.

"No," I said, wrapping myself in my towel and letting him lead me over to the truck. I was surprised to see that Soda was driving, and Pony was in the passenger seat – that left me and Ben in the back with Darry and Kevin. The minute we climbed in, Darry stretched out his legs, covered them with the blanket and motioned for me to lay down with my head on his lap, as Kevin and Ben sat on the opposite side of the truck.

I fell dead asleep as we drove home, even though it was only about a ten-minute ride. I wanted nothing more than to be in bed. For no particular reason, I was exhausted. Granted, Darry had come home late and awakened me with his whole drunken stupor situation, but I was uncharacteristically tired. I figured it was probably the heat. It had been getting to all of us, and when we weren't working, we were often napping, even Darry, who rarely napped at all unless he had been working many weeks in a row or something.

As we pulled into the driveway and the truck rattled to a stop, Darry eased up his knees, forcing me into a sitting position. I opened my eyes and immediately groaned and closed them again against the bright sun. Darry laughed and grabbed me under the shoulders, dragging me out of the truck and setting me down on my feet on the ground. I begrudgingly opened my eyes and leaned against the truck.

Soda hopped out of the driver's seat and squeezed my waist on the way by, earning a screech and a smack on the butt from me. Suddenly wide awake, I chased him around to the backyard and tackled him, making sure not to let him roll over any of my flowers. He rolled me over and pinned me down, tickling until I begged him to stop and Darry yelled at both of us to get inside and shower and put some clothes on before the neighbors started talking.

I noticed the clouds coming in quickly, so I ran around Soda and beat him into the house to the shower. I hated being in the shower when we had a storm, so I wanted to get that done with before it was upon us. Darry and Soda always made fun of me – I wouldn't so much as go near water or talk on the phone during a storm- I totally believed all the stories about what made you more likely to be struck by lightning. For a while when I was younger, I had made my Dad sit in our car with me every time we had a storm, since Pony had told me that was the safest place to be. While I figured I would probably get calmer about storms as I got older, I doubted I would ever actually be completely unafraid of them.

Soda was waiting his turn at the bathroom door as I came out and, after getting dressed, I grabbed a Pepsi from the refrigerator and went out to the porch. Kevin and Darry were leaning against the truck talking. I saw lightning in the distance and was about to turn around and head back inside when I saw a familiar car turn the corner. It slowed and came to a stop in front of our house. I saw Darry straighten up and turn toward the car as Alison and Anna both got out. I froze in the doorway while Ali and Anna stopped at the gate. Kevin headed back toward his house and Darry came over to our side of the gate.

"Hi," he said, hesitantly. I saw Anna staring at Darry and had to fight not to laugh. He was still in his swimming trunks, and had taken his shirt off while he and Kevin unloaded the truck. I imagine he looked pretty good to a teenage girl who wasn't his sister. Alison looked pretty impressed too – roofing houses all day does pretty good things for your muscle tone.

"I was hoping we could talk," she said, quietly. "I can come back, I mean, if this is a bad time…"

"No," Darry answered, staring straight at her. "It's fine. Come on in, just let me clean up real quick, and get some clothes on… Sorry," he apologized, motioning to his state of undress… we just got back from the pond. You two can sit with Scout, I'll be right out."

I stared out at them from the porch as they came through the gate. Anna met my stare.

"Darry?"

Anna called to him as he was turning to go inside. I had never heard the tone in her voice right then, a mixture of timidity and humility.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry about getting Scout messed up in that party at all… she didn't want to go, but I'm glad she didn't let me go alone. It won't happen again." I actually thought I heard a hint of tears in her voice.

"I hope not," he said, "for _your_ sake, just as much as Scout's. You know, your family – _and mine_ – would be pretty upset if something happened to you, too." I had to give him credit; Darry knew how to take an apology without rubbing your mistake in your face or making you feel worse than you already did.

"I'd like to talk to Scout, too, if that's alright."

"It's fine, Anna. I just don't want the two of you going out alone together for a while, until I trust you a little more."

"I get it," she said.

Darry squeezed her shoulder and disappeared into the house, calling over his shoulder,

"I'll be right back. Help yourself to a drink or whatever."

Alison and Anna both came up on the porch, hesitantly. Anna looked at me, still looking like she was going to cry. "I'm sorry," she mouthed to me behind Alison's back, and I felt bad that I hadn't gotten back to her after she called… I hoped she would understand that things had just been busy. I really _hadn't_ had time to talk to her.

"Can I get you guys a Pepsi, or something?" I asked. I hoped Darry would come back soon, because I could tell both Alison and Anna were nervous. I wasn't exactly sure what had gone down between Ali and Darry, but she definitely seemed to be feeling bad about it.

"Nobody told me there was a party out here," Soda suddenly burst through the front door. "And a party full of beautiful young ladies, to boot!" Soda laughed and, as was his gift, he put everybody at ease.

"I'll take a Pepsi," Ali said, and Anna agreed.

"Okay," I said, heading in to get them. "Soda, behave," I warned him, and he laughed. I knew Anna would be plenty happy if he didn't behave, but he knew better.

I headed into the kitchen to grab the Pepsis, and I stood in front of the sink popping off the tops, watching out the window as the clouds get closer. Lightning struck at the edge of the horizon, and I cringed as the thunder roared not long after. Darry had come up behind me and I jumped at his hand on my shoulder.

"It's okay. Just another storm," he said. "You'd think you'd be used to them by now," he said, taking the Pepsis from me.

"You'd think," I responded, a little bit annoyed at myself for being such a wimp. "You're not still mad at Alison, are you?"

"No… I never really _was _mad at her. I do hope Anna wises up though, before she gets in any more trouble."

"I know. She knows I don't want anything to do with that."

"I know, baby. I trust you. I'll send Anna back in to your room, okay? I want to talk to Alison alone."

"Okay." I headed into my room, hearing the rain start to beat against the side of the house. I went into my room, closed my windows, and sat on my bed. A moment later there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." The door opened slowly and Anna came in, a look of absolute repentance on her face.

"I'm really, really sorry, Scout," she said, looking straight at me. It was clear she meant it.

"Look, Anna… relax. I'm not that mad about it any more. Just, since you called, a lot has been going on. The state came, I've been working… I went on a real date, with Ben."

She looked at me, shocked.

"No way! _What?_ I mean, where did you go?"

"To a dance, at his church. It was really great."

"So I imagine you have definitely kissed him by now, huh?"

"Yeah," I couldn't help smiling. "We've done some kissing."

"_French_ kissing?"

"_Anna._"

"So that's a yes… God, Scout, he's so cute!"

I still wasn't completely comfortable talking about my relationship with Ben to Anna. It just felt too… personal.

"What about _you_? I hope you realize the guys you've picked lately have been losers," I said, realizing I was being blunt but, on the other hand, not wanting to sugarcoat the truth.

"Yeah, I know," she said, quietly. "I mean, it was bad enough the way I felt afterward, hungover and knowing you were mad at me, and Darry was mad at _you_ because of me… then he and Ali got in a fight about it, too… I don't know why I was so stupid, really. I mean, Eddy was never even nice to me, not like Ben is to you, anyway. I shoulda known he was just trying to take advantage."

"Yeah, you should have," I said. "Especially since I tried to tell you."

"I know," she said, just as a thunderclap shook the house, making us both jump.

"Anna, you deserve better, is all I'm saying. I mean, give yourself some credit."

"That's easy for you to say, your brothers would never let a guy treat you bad," she said, a tinge of jealousy in her voice.

"They wouldn't let anybody treat you bad, either," I said, feeling a little tense as the rain picked up against the house and the lightning and thunder continued. The sky looked eerily dark for so early in the evening, even during a storm.

"It's just different, Scout. I mean, Alison's not even in school with me, my Dad's always working…"

"That doesn't mean they don't care, Anna," I said, taking her hand, "or that you shouldn't expect to be treated right by a guy."

"Yeah," I guess so," she said, just as lightning struck, thunder bellowed, and the lights went out. I yelled, despite myself. God, how I hated my stupid fears.

"Scout?" I heard Soda yell in the hall. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. Just surprised me." Just then the noise on the roof and the side of the house intensified tenfold and I heard Darry and Alison talking with Soda in the kitchen. I looked out the window.

"It's hailing," I said. I hadn't seen hail like that in a few summers. I heard a commotion in the kitchen and suddenly I heard it, loud and clear, the tornado siren. It came from the firehouse down the street, and it meant a tornado had been seen in our county. I felt every hair on my body stand up at the sound.

"_Scout! Anna, out, NOW!_" Darry yelled from the kitchen. I knew what to do – I had done it countless times before. The siren meant we headed to the cellar until the danger had passed, after which we came out and everything was fine. I knew what to do, but for some reason, this time I froze. Anna opened the door and went out to the kitchen immediately, but I panicked.

It had been my Dad who had always held me and soothed me during the tornado warnings – he was gone. There was nobody to hold me this time. I had always feared the cellar – I feared it even more knowing I was to face it on my own from now on.

"_Scout, come on!_" Darry was yelling from the kitchen. I willed myself to move, and started for the door but turned back before I left, hearing the wind and hail outside, but unable to leave without what had caused me to turn. I reached into my drawer and grabbed my Mom's ring and my necklace from Dad and ran out into the hallway, nearly running into Darry.

"Jesus Christ, Scout, what the hell were you waiting for? Let's go," he said, pushing me ahead of him through the cellar door and pulling it shut and locking it behind him.

And the wind and hail howled its mockery of me, the coward.

And I started to cry the minute Darry shut the door.

**............................**

**A/N: Sorry, the writing time has been extremely limited lately. Thanks for checking in if you're still reading. Feedback is awesome. Happy Labor day and... goodbye, summer! :-(**


	39. The Fright

I was thankful that it was dark, because I was hating myself right then for crying. Having lived my whole life in the heart of tornado country, there was no reason, at twelve – _almost thirteen_ - for me to be crying just because of a tornado siren. It didn't even mean we were going to have a tornado, as my dad had explained to me countless times before – it just meant that somewhere in our county there was something that was starting to look like a tornado, so everybody should get somewhere safe. He had tried time and time again to convince me that the siren was a _good_ thing – making sure people stayed safe, rather than a bad or scary thing.

I never believed it back then, though, and I still didn't. The moment I'd heard it, my heart had taken off like a racehorse at the derby, and it kept right on going. My palms were sweaty and I gripped tightly on to the necklace and ring I had grabbed, not wanting to drop them and have to search around for them in the dark, on the dirt floor.

I was grateful to be among the last to descend the stairs - at least any spiderwebs that had been created since the last time we'd gone down had been cleared out of my way. I held the railing and got to the bottom of the steps. Soda was rummaging around on the shelves Dad had built under the stairs, looking for a flashlight and cursing anything that wasn't what he was looking for. I felt around for a chair, finally locating one and sitting, pulling up my knees and burying my head between them, wrapping my arms around the whole package. I wanted to be so small I could just disappear until it all was over.

I was grateful for the noise of the hail against the foundation and the small casement windows, and I struggled to stop myself from crying before anybody noticed. It wasn't even crying, really, it was that shaky, spasmic breathing that happens when your conscious mind is telling you to calm down but your unconscious is completely freaking out. I heard Darry asking Alison and Anna if they were okay and getting Anna a chair, then calling to me.

"Scout, where are you?"

I didn't answer, I didn't want him to know I was crying. I would have given just about anything to have had my dad sitting there with me right then, and I squeezed that starfish necklace so hard it hurt.

"_Scout?_"

"I'm right here," I said, finally, trying my best to sound normal. I guess it fooled Darry, because he went over and tried to help Soda find the flashlight, but Pony must have heard something in my voice, because in a minute he was there, bending down in front of me and prying my arms apart, holding me in a hug.

"It's okay," he whispered. "You know it'll be okay."

"I know," I whispered back, and I let him rub my back and hold me for a minute until I started to calm down.

"I'm okay now," I whispered after a minute or so, and he stood back up, standing by me and reaching out for my hand. I let him take it, still grabbing tightly onto the necklace, having slipped the ring over my thumb. He opened my palm and felt what I had there and I knew he understood, though he didn't say anything, just rubbed my back again with his free hand.

Finally, just as it sounded like the storm was letting up, Soda let out a victory cry and switched on the flashlight. He shone it around the room and illuminated Anna, sitting alone, while Darry was sitting next to Alison, his arm around her. I realized how silly I must look all balled up in the chair and I put my feet down, quickly wiping my eyes. Darry noticed, and I saw a look of concern cross his face, but I nodded my head and he didn't say anything. The absence of our Mom and Dad in the cellar right then was so blatantly obvious that nobody needed to say anything about it. I was sure we all just felt it, right down to the very pit of our stomachs.

Finally, the hail tapered off and there was just the sound of light rain and thunder, well off in the distance.

"Well, I guess we should go check out the damage," Darry said, taking Alison's hand and motioning up the stairs. "Ladies first."

Ali and Anna headed upstairs. I moved to follow and Darry grabbed my arm as I passed by. I looked up at him.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," I said. "I just hate this."

"I know you do," he said. "You did a good job being tough, though." He squeezed my arm and followed me up the stairs. We all spilled out into the kitchen and I saw Darry looking out toward the truck. If the storm damaged that, we were really in trouble. Nobody would be able to get to work.

We proceeded through the living room and stepped out onto the front porch, a light drizzle still in the air, but, at the same time, the sun peeking out from behind the quickly departing clouds. It never ceased to amaze me how these storms disappeared just as quickly as they came. One minute it was all wind and hail and the next, it was all sunshine and rainbows. Darry reached down into the crease of the front steps and scooped up a handful of hail.

"Sheesh, for stuff this little, it sure did make a lot of noise," he said. "It's good that it was little, though," he thought out loud, looking around. "Looks like it didn't do any real damage."

I went down the steps and looked at my flowers. A few of the taller stems had broken, but it looked like most of them had weathered the storm pretty well.

"Those look really nice, Scout," Alison said. "Did you plant them?" I noticed Darry had moved behind her and had his arms around her shoulders, so I guessed whatever argument they'd had was forgiven.

"Yeah, just trying to butter up the state worker," I said.

"Well, it must have worked… Darry said that went okay?"

"Yeah," I said. I was still in a little bit of a funk from the storm.

"I'm starving," Soda said, suddenly.

"You're _always_ starving," Pony laughed.

"Well, it is dinnertime," Darry said. "Hey, Alison, how come you're not working?"

"I took the night off," she smiled at him. "I had some business I had to take care of."

"Well, then," Darry said, "You and Anna are staying for dinner. I insist."

Anna looked shocked. I don't think she had been expecting any sort of hospitality from Darry for quite a while.

"Okay," Alison shrugged. "Only if we get to help, though."

"That works," Darry said, and he and Ali headed inside, followed by Soda, who I was sure would drive them crazy with his grazing in the kitchen while they were trying to cook. I turned around to talk to Anna only to see Ben sneaking up on her from around the side of the house. He motioned to me to keep quiet and finally, about a foot away from her, he yelled.

"Boo!"

She screamed and jumped a good foot off the ground. Ben and I both would probably have fallen over from laughing so hard if the ground hadn't been so wet. As it was, we were both blue in the face and completely out of breath as Anna cursed and swatted at us.

"Sorry," Ben said, finally. "I couldn't help myself. Nice to see you, Anna." He was still giggling.

"It's a good thing I have a policy against killing my friends' boyfriends,"/. Anna said, smiling, and I was glad to see that she wasn't really mad.

"I was just coming over to make sure everybody was okay after the storm," Ben said. "I know how Scout hates them."

"I'm okay," I said. "I won't be sad if I don't have to hear another tornado siren all summer, though."

"I bet," he said. Just then Soda came to the door yelling at us to come in and eat. I guessed we were having pasta, I couldn't think of anything else they could have made so fast.

"Okay, we're coming," I said. "Ben, you wanna eat over?"

"I can't, Mom already started chicken. Can I talk to you for a second, though?" He didn't say "alone," but Anna got the hint.

"I'll just see you inside, Scout," she said, and headed off into the house.

"Everything okay with you two?" Ben asked, once she was inside.

"Yeah. You missed some drama though. Darry came home trashed last night. He and Alison had a fight but I guess they're okay now, too."

"Geez, you blink your eyes around this place and you miss something," he said.

"Pretty much." I was okay with the idea of things calming down for a while, to be honest.

"Anyway, I was wondering if you think Darry would let you go to the movies with me and Kevin and Kate tomorrow night."

"I don't know; I'll have to ask. Drive-in or movie house?"

"Movie house. Kevin wants to see Bonnie and Clyde."

"I'll ask and let you know." Darry yelled at me to come in and eat.

"'Kay. Go eat." He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and took off around the house again. I headed back inside, glad that all was forgiven among friends and family, and hoping for at least a brief period of calm.

…………………………………………….

**A/N: A while back some readers said a short update was better than no update at all… not sure if that still rings true, but short is about all I had time for. **

**Oh yeah, and… about that calm? Not really gonna happen. ;-)**


	40. The Rebel

**A/N: I am really sorry about the multiple notifications subscribers got about this chapter. Fanfiction was giving me all sorts of trouble, saying it was posted when it wasn't. Thanks to all the readers who notified me of the problem... I hope it works this time and was worth the trouble!**

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Dinner was strangely comfortable, considering all of the tension that had been shared between the lot of us - Darry and Alison seemed to have made amends about whatever they had argued over, and Anna and I were back on good terms. I was fairly certain that she had learned her lesson – now she just had to prove that to Darry.

Ali and Anna stayed for a while after supper, Alison and Darry disappearing into his room and Anna and me into my room, where we tried as hard as we could to hear what Darry and Alison were doing. I thought for a moment about mentioning the double standard of him and Alison being alone in his room while Ben and I were not even allowed to be alone in the _house_, but even I had to admit that the situations were pretty different, him being twenty and me only twelve. I was pretty sure they weren't doing anything too wild anyway, we heard some giggling but mostly just talking.

Eventually we gave up and started talking ourselves. Anna asked me about babysitting and of course wanted to know everything about Coach Karis's house. She was definitely included in the group of girls that had a crush on him, and I think was a bit jealous that he had asked me to babysit. She wouldn't have been able to do it anyway – she worked in the pizzeria in the summer, but she wanted to know every detail about his house, his wife, his car, everything. I thought it was pretty funny, but I begged her not to tell anybody else on the team about me working for him. The last thing I needed was them making up rumors about the two of us. They already considered me his pet since I got the most playing time of anybody.

Eventually Alison called for Anna and the two of them left, Darry making plans with Alison for the next night, and Anna promising to call me the next day. Soda had taken off with Sandy and Two-Bit and his new lady friend, who I had yet to meet, and Ponyboy had hunkered down in a bedroom with his latest book. That left just Darry and me sitting out on the porch after the girls left.

"I guess I don't have to water the flowers today," I joked. It had rained and hailed enough during the storm to keep them happy for a few days, probably.

Darry chuckled, then looked over at me, a serious look on his face.

"That must have been hard for you, today… I mean, being in the cellar, without Dad there. Mom, too, but I know Dad was the one who always took care of you down there."

I kicked at the dirt from where I was sitting on the bottom stair.

"It was." There was no point in lying about it. Especially since I knew he had seen me crying once Soda finally found the flashlight.

"You should have said something."

"I felt stupid. Only little kids should be crying about the sirens. It doesn't matter, Ponyboy calmed me down anyway."

"It's not stupid. But I'm glad Pony realized what was going on." There was a tone of 'but it should have been me who realized it' to Darry's voice.

"Where are you and Alison going tomorrow night?" I asked him.

"The movies, and dinner, probably. The other waitresses can cover her shifts more in the summer, when they aren't in school."

I laughed.

"What?" he asked.

"Just… Ben asked me to go to the movies with him tomorrow night, too, with Kevin and Kate. We could have a triple date."

Darry didn't seem to think that was so funny. In fact his expression changed to serious again.

"_What?_"

"Just… You just went out with Ben last night."

"So?"

"I just don't think it's such a good idea for you to be spending every free moment together. I mean, two dates in one weekend seems like kind of a lot for kids your age."

"So what, you're saying I can't go?"

"Look, don't get mad, Scout. I'm just trying to be fair. Mom and Dad wouldn't have let any of us be dating every night at your age."

"How do you know? Maybe they would trust me enough to let me. I thought you said you trusted me? It was _Anna_ who screwed up, Darry, not me." I was getting mad. After all the bad stuff I'd been through in my life, Ben was the one consistently good thing I still had, and now Darry wanted to limit my time with him? For Pete's sake, it was only the movies. Then something occurred to me.

"You just don't want me and Ben in the same place as you, because then I might see what you are doing with Alison, that's it, isn't it? You don't want me seeing you two making out!"

"Scout, this has nothing to do with Alison so leave her out of it." He was getting angry back.

"Then what _does_ it have to do with?" I practically yelled. "You say you trust me, and Ben hasn't done anything to make you not trust _him_, so what gives? Or were you just feeding me bullshit about trusting me?"

"Scout, I'm not fighting with you about this. I don't want you going out twice in one weekend. You're twelve."

"_Fine!_" I got up and went back into the house, giving the screen door a good slam.

"What's your problem?" Ponyboy called out through his door as I stormed down the hallway.

"_Darry's being a jerk!_" I called back, and went into my own bedroom, giving that door a good slam as well.

I sat on my bed and cried tears of frustration. So this was how it was going to be, then… Darry wanting me to measure out time spent with Ben? Stupid. And probably as I got older his rules would just become stricter and stricter for me, while the boys got to do whatever they wanted. Hell, Soda and Sandy spent practically every night out on dates.

I sat there and fumed, eventually changing into pajamas and going to bed. I heard Darry knock softly and whisper my name an hour or so later, but I ignored him and pretended to be asleep. Eventually, I really was.

……………………………

I woke up to a quiet house and figured Darry and Soda were both at work. Darry had been working Sundays for the past few weeks, and the manager at the DX had told Soda he could start back. I was glad; I was still mad at Darry and I didn't want to talk to him. I was sure Soda was on his side, he pretty much let Darry handle the parenting and rarely argued Pony or my cases, just his own. And he had no real reason to complain, Darry pretty much let him do what he wanted so long as he showed up for work and did his chores around the house.

I wandered out to find Pony eating cereal at the kitchen table.

"Everybody at work?"

"Yup," he said, pushing the cereal over to where I sat down with my bowl.

"What was all that with you and Darry last night? You guys hardly ever fight."

"He won't let me go to the movies with Ben tonight, since we already went out on Friday."

"Oh," Pony said, though he didn't sound like he really got it. He hadn't gone anywhere with a girl yet, though I knew there were a few who tried to hang around him at school. He just got embarrassed when I mentioned them.

"He doesn't make Soda cut down on his time with Sandy," I complained, "Those two go out every night."

"I guess. I don't know Scout, I mean, we either live with his rules or find a new guardian."

I didn't answer. I was hoping at least Pony would be on my side. I ate my cereal in silence as Pony washed out his bowl and went into the living room to watch TV.

I took a shower and got dressed, surprised that by the time I was done it was almost noon. Pony was still sitting watching television, a blank expression on his face as he was absorbed in some science fiction movie.

"I'm going over to Ben's," I announced, and he grunted an acknowledgement. At least he didn't give me a hard time about it.

I walked over to Ben's house, annoyed with the once again unbearable heat. If we were going to keep having all these severe storms, the least they could do was offer some relief from the heat. I rang the bell, and Ben came to the door, still in his pajamas.

"Hi!" He looked both surprised and happy to see me. "You're a little early for our date," he joked.

"Darry's not letting me go," I said, my annoyance obvious in my voice.

"What? _Why?_" Ben looked worried.

"I have no idea. He says I'm too young to go out twice in one weekend. He says he trusts me but he sure doesn't act like he does."

"Is it me? What'd I do?"

"Nothing. It's not you. I don't know what his problem is." I walked in past Ben and sat on the couch. He was watching the same thing as Ponyboy had been.

"Well, we'll just have to wait 'til next weekend, then, I guess. I mean, getting him mad at us isn't going to make him want to ease up."

"Where's Kevin?"

"He went to drive my Mom to work. Her car's at the shop."

"Oh. I felt a bit glad about breaking Darry's rule again. Who was he to tell Ben who he could have in his house anyway?

Ben came and sat next to me and I had to laugh. I went to take his hand and the sleeves of his pajamas were twice as long as his arm.

"Nice pajamas," I said, and he laughed too.

"Yeah, they're Kevin's. I forgot to do laundry," he said.

"They're cute," I said.

"You're cute," he responded, and kissed me behind my ear.

"Anna thinks you're cute," I said, giggling.

"Oh yeah? And what do you think?" he whispered in my ear.

"I think you're handsome," I said, and kissed him on the lips. He kissed me back, pushing me against the armrest of the couch.

"I warned you guys," Kevin was suddenly at the screen door. We hadn't head his car over the television. "In your pajamas even, Ben? Darry will love this."

"_Fine, Kevin_," I said, standing up. "Go ahead and tell him. He already doesn't trust me anyway." I stormed out the door past him, telling Ben I'd call him later.

"Bye Scout," Kevin laughed as I hopped over the fence bridge between our houses. I kicked a rock and just narrowly missed breaking a basement window. I didn't care, I was so mad.

I went inside and called Anna to complain. She was sympathetic – more so than Pony had been, anyway, but she was in no hurry to worsen her own situation with Darry, so she treaded lightly in the conversation. She did agree to ask Alison to talk to him about it and maybe lighten up a little, though.

By late afternoon it was so hot and humid I didn't even want to move. I turned on my fan and just lay on my bed, not wanting any parts of my body touching each other. Pony was doing the same thing in his bed, and when Soda got home he took a shower and lay himself down on the couch. I heard Darry's truck pull in and voices. I figured it was Kevin, and I knew I was going to be in for it.

I heard the door slam, his tools drop, and him asking Soda, in a less than happy voice,

"Where's Scout?"

Soda must have fallen asleep because he sounded all confused.

"I don't know. What, is she missing?"

"No, just in trouble."

I didn't move, and in a minute, Darry was coming in my room without even knocking.

"Do you even care about what I say around here, Scout? _Do you?_ I spend all day feeling bad about you saying I don't trust you, only to come home and find that there is a good reason for me not to, since apparently you don't pay any attention to my rule about you and Ben not being alone in the house together."

"Yeah, well, maybe I only did that because it's a dumb rule, anyway. We're _not_ _doing anything_, Darry. And we don't plan to be. Why should I bother following your rules when you punish me and won't let me go out even when I _don't_ do anything wrong!"

"You're not being _punished_, Scout, you're being _parented_."

"Well you're not my _parent_. Mom would have let me go out."

"Well, we'll never know what she would have done, will we? But I'm the one in charge and this is what I decided, like it or lump it."

I didn't answer; I just glared back.

"Have a nice time on your _date!_" I spat.

He didn't answer, just turned and shut my door. I heard him mumble something to Soda about how my rebellious teenage years had started and it would be nice if Soda was willing to offer a little more support. I didn't hear Soda's answer.

I waited until I heard Darry shower and leave again before I left my room.

Soda was standing at the stove cooking hot dogs. He looked at me and started to say something but I cut him off.

"Don't, Soda. I don't even want to talk to you about it. You get to go out whenever you want, and you are doing stuff you shouldn't be. I'm not stupid."

He bit his tongue and stayed quiet.

"Are those done?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said.

"I'm eating outside," I said. I didn't feel like sitting at the table with him and Pony, even though technically I wasn't mad at them. "And don't worry, I'll be sitting on the porch, _alone_, not sneaking out for a quickie with Ben," I added, sarcastically.

"Scout, don't be like that. It ain't easy for him, either, you know."

"Whatever," I said, taking my hot dog and a bowl of baked beans and sitting out on the front porch. They were a little later than usual, but the storms were rolling in, as they had every day. I watched the lightning in the distance and didn't even budge as the clouds grew nearer and nearer. Finally, as the thunder got near enough to shake the house, Soda came out to get me.

"C'mon Scout, come inside. We won't even talk to you if you don't want. Just… don't scare yourself to death just 'cause you're mad."

I got up and walked past him to my bedroom, shutting my door almost all the way. I sat on my bed and stared at the wall, cringing as the storm passed, but refusing to go out to the living room. Soda and Pony both passed by my door a few times on their way to the kitchen, asking if I was alright, to which I responded with a curt

"I'm fine."

The storm passed, and I took out a pad and pencil and drew for awhile, listening to Pony and Soda talking. After an hour or so, I was so bored and frustrated that I just gave up and decided to go to bed. I actually fell asleep pretty fast, though I awoke to thunder again and heard Darry, who must have just come in. I looked at my clock… eleven thirty. I heard him talking to Soda in his and Pony's bedroom, then I heard him stop at my door.

"Scout?" he whispered.

I ignored him. I'm sure he knew I was awake – I never slept through storms, but he sighed and went down to his own room, where I heard him crawl into bed.

I hardly slept at all, because the storms kept coming, all night long. I was even up the next morning before Darry, and had eaten cereal before he had even made it into the kitchen.

"I'll meet you outside," I said, as he sat down.

"Scout, look, you're gonna have to deal with the fact that I'm the one in charge here. You don't make the rules. Neither did I, when I was twelve."

"Fine, Darry. I know." I went to the porch and waited until he came out, then followed him to the truck and got in. We drove to Coach's house in silence.

Just as I had climbed out and was about to shut the truck door he called me.

"Scout?"

"What?"

"Have a good day. I love you."

"Okay," I mumbled.

I shut the door and turned to go inside.

…………………………………

Laura was having another tantrum.

""She didn't sleep well," Coach told me. "She hates storms."

"Me too," I agreed. They had stopped for the moment but the sky was already getting dark again in the west.

"Well, you know what to do," Coach said, over her screams. "Just let her tire herself out."

"Okay," I said, and he was gone.

So I just listened to her scream, not even bothering to try to calm her since I knew it was futile. Finally, after about an hour, she fell asleep on the living room floor. Unfortunately, just as she was falling asleep, the next storm was rolling in. I hoped she would be tired enough to sleep through it.

She did sleep for a half hour or so, but as the lightning and thunder got more severe, she started to stir and woke up. Thankfully, she was crying but not full-out screaming like before. I had just gone into the kitchen to get her a bottle when I heard it: the tornado siren.

My heart just about stopped. I had no idea where their storm cellar even was. I hadn't seen any doors in the house that didn't lead to a bedroom or bathroom… I figured they must have one that you had to enter from the outside of the house. Two-Bit's house had one like that. I grabbed the bottle and Laura and ran out the back door. I was right, the door was there, a metal ramp-looking thing with doors that opened out. It was starting to hail, and I was horrified when I looked out to the west and actually saw it, the funnel cloud. It looked to be a few miles away, but there was no mistaking what it was. I felt my throat tighten.

I grabbed onto the doors and tugged, having to put Laura down so I could use both hands, but the doors wouldn't budge. I cursed, feeling tears of fear falling. Laura was screaming, not liking the pelting hailstones, considerably bigger than the ones we'd had on Saturday night.

Finally, just as I was about to give up and run back inside the house, I felt a latch under my thumb, under the door handle, and pushed it in, pulling on the door at the same time. It flew open in the wind. I grabbed Laura and dragged her through the door, struggling to close it behind us against the wind. Somehow I managed, and it slammed shut and I heard the latch click, leaving the two of us surrounded by absolute darkness.

…………………**..**

**A/N: I'll try to update quick. The next chapter is almost finished. ******


	41. The Rescue

**A/N: I'm really sorry about all the fanfic mix-ups with the posting of chapter 40, so I am posting 41 ASAP. (Hopefully it works, the first time, :-)) Thanks again for the reviews, they keep me going. Your input DOES matter. Enjoy! **

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Laura was screaming again, and I didn't blame her one bit. The sound of the hail beating on the metal cellar doors and echoing around the cellar was deafening, and the dark was the most utter, terrifyingly complete blackness I had ever experienced. There were no windows. I felt my way down the stairs, Laura in one arm, paranoid that I would drop her, but afraid to put her down for fear that I wouldn't be able to find her again in the dark if she stopped screaming.

Spiderwebs brushed across my face and hands and I shuddered, brushing them away along with my tears. I realized I was shaking and sat down on the bottom stair, too afraid to move any farther in to a space where I had no idea what awaited me. I couldn't remember feeling so terrified and alone in a really long while. I had no idea what was in that room with me, except for Laura.

I held her against me and rocked her, my own tears mixing with hers. Eventually there was no more screaming, just the two of us whimpering along with each other as the hail beat down and the wind howled. The noise got louder and louder, and, finally, I was too afraid to stay anywhere near the stairs, as the door was rattling in the wind and water was coming in somehow - I feared the whole door might be caught by the wind and torn off.

I felt along the side wall at the bottom of the stairs to a place where I was no longer getting wet, and was far enough away that if something happened with the door, Laura and I would be safe. Amazingly, Laura had quieted down- I realized that I had, unconsciously, been rubbing her head, as much to calm myself down as her. I sat down on the floor, sweeping away at the floor beforse I sat down, sure the space was full of bugs and my dreaded enemy, spiders. The thought of them crawling on me made me want to throw up.

Just as I sat down, with the the howling and banging outside at the loudest it had been thus far, there was an enormous crash that reverberated around the whole basement. I screamed, sure that the house had fallen down around us, though nothing of substance had actually fallen _on_ us. Whatever had happened had raised quite a bit of dust, though, and both Laura and I were coughing. Another loud crash followed.

This set Laura to screaming again, and I was about ready to join her. There were several more crashes, which shook the ground as much as the first, and after a while, it was hard to even tell if it was just thunder or something falling.

Finally, after what seemed like forever but was probably, in reality, no more than five minutes, the noise let up until it was just what sounded like regular rain beating on the metal door.

Still shaking, and holding Laura - who was _still _screaming, despite the fact that she must have been absolutely exhausted, I made my way along the wall back to where the stairs were. Unfortunately, as I turned to go up the stairs, I found my pathway completely blocked. I felt along the space and, as best I could tell, the door had been smashed down inside the space where the stairs had been.

I put Laura down for a second, right at my feet. She stood up and held on to my legs for dear life, whimpering. I grabbed for the inside door handle and found it, completely deformed. I pushed the latch and pushed up with all the strength I had… it didn't budge. I tried again, climbing on what was left of the first step and throwing my shoulder against it. Nothing happened, and that severe of a movement had caused Laura to fall and start yelling again.

I reached down to pick her up. She leaned her head into my neck and sobbed, and I gave in and sobbed right along with her. She seemed momentarily surprised, and then apparently decided to just accept us crying together, and continued with her own wailing.

I was scared to death. Here I was, stuck underground, with no idea what had happened _above_ ground. What if my brothers and Coach and his wife had all been hurt? I could be stuck for _days_, in the dark, with nothing to eat or drink, if there was nobody to look for me. That seemed bad enough, but what about poor Laura? God, she was probably hungry already. I remembered grabbing her bottle but had no idea what I had done with it.

On top of everything, I had been terrible to Darry. He had told me that he loved me and I had barely even answered. I loved him more than anything, and I'd let my anger over a stupid date get in the way of that.

"Oh God," I sobbed to myself. What did I do? _Why _had I been so terrible to him? I would have given _anything_ to have him there, right then. He would have made everything alright, he would have kept me safe and gotten us out, but the way I'd treated him, I hardly deserved his comfort.

"God, please let Darry find me," I begged, quietly, "and let Laura get her Mom and dad back. I swear; I will never disrespect him like that again."

But there was nothing. The rain had stopped, and there was a terrifying silence, interrupted occasionally by creaks and moans as whatever had fallen in the storm settled.

I just held Laura and rocked her, both of us crying, until she fell asleep.

…………………

I have no idea how long I sat there. It's funny how, when you can't see anything, all concept of time goes right out the window. All I know is that I had never felt so alone in my life. Not even when I had been lost in the woods had I felt _so_ isolated from everybody I loved. I imagined every possible bad scenario: that my brothers were dead – that all of Tulsa was destroyed… I knew neither scenario was likely, but, sitting alone in the dark, trapped underground, you'd be surprised about the things you can make yourself believe.

I prayed somebody would find me. Over and over, with all my energy.

Laura breathed heavily against me. She was covered in sweat and tears and she needed to be changed, but she was safe. I thanked God for that, at least. I would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to her while I had been in charge. I shifted her weight and leaned back against the wall, not even caring anymore what I leaned up against.

Suddenly I heard noises from near the area of the door. My ears perked up.

There was banging and scratching against metal.

"_Scout?_"

It was Linda, Dr. Bryant's wife.

"_I'm in here_," I yelled. "_With Laura_."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so, but I couldn't open the door."

"I would think not," she said, "there's a tree on top of it."

"Is anybody else out there?" I was wondering how things looked, and was scared to death for Darry, who I knew was working somewhere outside. He often worked in places where he had no ability to get inside the building he was working on.

"Just me, for now, but I'm sure people will start coming home now that the storm has passed. You hang in there."

"Okay," I said, relieved to hear a voice, any voice. Laura stirred, and I rubbed her head, soothing her back to sleep, kissing her on her forehead.

"I'm gonna go see if I can find our chainsaw," Linda said. "I don't know how to use it, but I'll have it ready when the guys get home so they can start getting rid of this tree and get you out, okay? I promise, I'll be back."

"Okay." I moved over to the bottom step and sat there, lying Laura across my lap. I wished I could sleep, too, until I was out of this giant hole in the ground and safe in my bed with my brothers sleeping in their beds on both sides of me. Tears were welling up again as I heard new commotion.

"_Scout? Laura?_" It was my coach, sounding frantic, and banging on the door.

"_We're okay_," I called, though I couldn't very well disguise the fear in my voice.

"_Thank God!_ I was worried sick. Laura's with you?"

"Yeah, she just fell asleep, finally. But she's okay. We're fine. Just… trapped. Mrs. Bryant went to get a saw or something."

"I'm just so glad you're okay," he said. "We'll get you out."

Just then I heard her come back, and he was talking with her about the saw. I heard it start up and then shut back down.

"Scout?" Coach called.

"Yeah?"

"We're gonna start sawing, alright? We'll stop every few minutes or so to check on you, okay?"

"Okay," I said. My voice cracked and I'm sure he could read the fear in my voice.

"I'm going to have Linda call your brothers," he said.

"Thanks," I said, through my tears. I was feeling lower than dirt for how I'd treated Darry, for as much as I wanted him to be there right then. He probably was glad to have me buried underground, the brat I'd been to him.

"Okay, here we go," he said, and the saw started up again.

I sat there, trying to convince myself that everything was going to be okay, just like Pony had whispered to me in our own storm cellar. Coach would get me out, and my brothers would be okay. I wondered about our house, and how it had weathered the storm. It had already been in bad shape – I hoped the storm had just missed it altogether.

The sawing stopped.

"You two still okay?" Coach called.

"Yeah. Did you get my brothers?" I actually ached to hear their voices. And Ben's, too.

"No… the phones are out. We'll keep trying, though."

"Oh, okay." I couldn't hide my disappointment.

"Scout, we're gonna get you out, as soon as we can, I promise. Laura still sleeping?"

"Yeah. She's good."

"Okay, well, we're gonna start cutting again, okay?"

"Okay."

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe along with Laura as the saw buzzed overhead. Suddenly it stopped and I heard cursing from above.

"_What happened?_" I yelled.

"The chain broke. We're gonna have to fix it, or replace it."

"I think I might have another in the garage." I heard a new voice, and recognized it as Dr. Bryant.

I just drew in a deep breath. I was afraid if I didn't get out soon I would lose my mind out of just plain fear. I was trying to be as strong and brave as I could, but my resolve was cracking. Laura started to move in my lap and I stroked her head, rocking her again.

Just then there was noise up above again, and I vaguely heard somebody saying my name. There were footsteps on the metal door, and then I felt my heart rise in my throat as I heard Darry call to me. He must have been lying on the metal doors; his voice was that close.

"_Scout?_" He sounded frantic.

"_Darry_." Immediately I was sobbing.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah… I'm _scared_," I admitted. "_I'm sorry_." I had to say it, the way I had treated him.

"The baby's okay?"

"She's okay." Right then she started to wake up. "She's waking up."

"Are you sure you're not hurt?"

"I don't think so. Darry?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I love you," I sobbed. I wanted to be out there with him, more than I could stand. I wanted to throw myself against that door and tree to get to him, but I knew I couldn't possibly get to him; they'd have to get to me.

"Don't worry, we're gonna get you out. Scout's honor." I smiled through my tears. Dad had been the only one to ever use that phrase with me, when I was really scared and he was trying to reassure me. I believed it, coming from Darry, as much as I had from Dad.

Just then something happened, and it seemed like the cellar ceiling right there by the stairs caved in. Dirt came down all around us, and I screamed, moving out of the way and nearly tripping over a fallen beam, but, luckily, saving both myself and Laura by grabbing onto that same beam.

"_Scout?_" Darry screamed.

"What happened?" I yelled.

"The tree shifted. Are you okay?" Laura was awake then, and screaming again.

"Yeah."

"Is Laura okay?" Coach asked. I heard Mrs. Karis crying in the background.

I felt her all over and she seemed fine.

"She's okay. Just scared, and hungry."

"Scout, get as far away from this door as you can, okay? In case it shifts again," Darry said.

"Okay." I would have done anything he said, right then.

I walked away from the stairs until my hands met the far wall, then sat down, cradling Laura who was now just babbling, no longer screaming.

"I'm as far as I can get," I yelled. Laura yelled too, in jibberish.

"Hi Laura, it's Daddy," Coach yelled, and I knew he was just as worried about her as Darry was about me.

"Hi Daddy," she said, suddenly strangely content in the situation. "Hi 'Cowt," she added, touching my face.

"Hi, Laura." I had to laugh, despite my fear.

"You stay over there, Scoot!" I was shocked to hear Two-Bit's voice, but I didn't get to say anything about it, as the saw started up again. Laura started crying again and, not knowing what else to do, I did what I remembered my mom doing for me when I was sad or sacred: I sang to her. Anything I could think of. Nursery rhymes, songs I'd heard on the radio. The Beatles, Elvis, and lullabies my own mom had sung to me.

They sawed up above and things fell down around us, but I just sang to her until she began to nod off. After a while, she fell back asleep and I lay her down in my lap. My legs, tucked underneath me, quickly fell asleep to the point of being painful, but I didn't want to move, not wanting to wake her.

I was almost starting to nod off to sleep myself, trying to ignore the agonizing pins and needles in my legs, when suddenly there was yelling from above, and a giant creaking noise as the door opened and light flooded the room. It burned my eyes, after so long in the dark, and I had to close them.

"Laura!" Coach K yelled, running down the stairs and scooping her out of my arms. She woke up and started crying again, not liking being startled awake. I opened my eyes again just as Darry came over to me, kneeling down to hug me.

I threw my arms around him, sobbing.

"Oh God, Scout, you scared me." He was shaking, as he stood up, carrying me.

"My legs are asleep," I said, "I can't walk yet."

"I got you," he assured me

"I love you," I whispered in his ear, hugging him and trying to wrap my legs around him, though they were completely uncooperative, having been sat on for so long, and they just dangled. "I'm sorry, Darry. I'm so sorry."

"Not now, baby. We'll talk about it later." He pulled my legs up and around him, and carried me up the stairs. Two-Bit was waiting there, and smiled and squeezed my shoulder as I passed by. Darry brought me over to where Dr. Bryant was looking over Laura. He set me down on the grass and looked me in the eyes.

"Are you okay, really?"

"I'm okay," I nodded. "Are Pony and Soda okay? And Ben?"

"Yeah, they're fine. I stopped by there, on my way here. That's where I found Two-Bit, and he said this area was the worst hit. Soda and Pony were at the DX, and Ben was home and fine."

I breathed a big sigh of relief. Mrs. Karis thanked me for taking good care of Laura and went inside to get both her and me a drink. She came out with apple juice for her, and a Pepsi for me. Laura, clearly perfectly fine, demanded a straw, and her mom went back in to get one. As of late, she wanted all drinks – except, of course, her bottle - with a straw. Mrs. Karis came back out and Laura drank up happily, as though nothing stressful had ever happened.

I took a look around and saw a pretty good amount of damage. Though none of the houses were completely destroyed, a lot of them had parts collapsed or torn off. The tree falling had pretty much decimated the part of Coach's house where the bedrooms were. I was so glad that Laura hadn't been in her bed when it hit.

I sat there on the ground, as Darry talked with Coach and Dr. Bryant and a few of the other neighbors. It sounded like there was a whole lot of construction and roofing work to be had after a tornado. It also seemed pretty likely that Darry was going to be hired for repair work on Coach's house and a lot of the others in the neighborhood, and he was sounding pretty happy about it. Regardless of what happened in court, I was still holding out hope that we would somehow be able to afford to send Darry back to school in the fall, and all this work certainly wouldn't hurt, I figured. Plus, they would help him to get even more contacts, since he did such good work.

I was listening to their conversation, thinking it was interesting how sometimes something good comes out of something bad, when suddenly I started to feel strange, kind of a combination between feverish and dizzy.

The storm had cooled the air considerably, but I suddenly felt uncomfortably hot. I closed my eyes, figuring it was some sort of reaction to all the excitement and fear I had just been through, but the sensation just seemed to worsen. My palms were sweating and itched, and I rubbed them against my shorts, to no relief. I tried to ignore it, but the sensations persisted, until eventually I had to lay back on the grass, I was feeling so dizzy.

"Looks like Scout needs a nap after all the excitement," my coach said, and they all laughed. I wanted to answer, to tell Darry that I wasn't feeling right, but my lips felt numb and swollen, like I'd just come from the dentist, and they wouldn't move.

My whole body was tingling and itching, and after a minute or so, as I finally opened my eyes again against the dizziness, I saw that my skin was no longer my own, it was covered in itchy, burning raised red welts. They begged to be scratched, though I couldn't move my hands to scratch them properly; my body felt completely numb. In addition, my stomach started cramping as though I'd been punched, and suddenly I was doubling over in pain, as well.

I rolled over and grabbed and scratched at Darry's ankles where he stood, unable to call out, because it seemed that my tongue was taking up my whole mouth and, with complete panic, I realized that I was struggling to breathe.

At first he kept talking and tried to kick away my hands, thinking I was just trying to annoy him, but Two-Bit must have noticed me, because all of a sudden I heard him yell.

"_Jesus, Scooter! What the hell's wrong with you?_" All eyes turned to me.

At this point I was wheezing, struggling to get my breath, every muscle in my chest straining to force air in and out of my lungs. Immediately, Darry was on the ground next to me, holding me up, asking over and over if I was okay, and what was going on, although clearly there was no possibility of me answering.

"Scout?_ Scout! What's wrong?_" I just stared at him, knowing full-well how scared I must have looked.

"It looks like she's having an allergic reaction to something," I heard Dr. Bryant say, leaning down over me. "_Somebody call for an ambulance!_" he called out to the neighbors, and I heard some shouting, though my thoughts were getting fuzzier and fuzzier with the lack of adequate oxygen.

"What's she allergic to?" I heard him ask Darry, followed by his frantic answer:

"Nothing… nothing, before… What the hell? _She can't breathe!_"

"Did she just eat something strange?"

"What? No, _Pepsi?_ She's been drinking that since she was a kid." I heard Two-Bit yelling my name, but he sounded so far away.

I collapsed against Darry, trying to grab him, to get him to fix whatever was happening to me.

"Breathe, Scout. Come on! _Breathe!_" He was shaking my arm and leg, as if that was going to make my airway magically open, but his hand on my leg somehow caught the attention of Dr. Bryant and as he leaned over and looked at where Darry's hands were, through the deafening buzz that was taking over my brain, I heard the most frightening words I could have imagined.

"Looks like bites… _spiders_, probably – the storm cellar…She must be having a reaction."

I closed my eyes, fading fast. I didn't have much energy left to try to fight, and I could feel the last bit of my airway closing up tight, not allowing any more air to pass, either in or out.

Spiders. God, I always _hated_ spiders.

How ironic, I thought, as I closed my eyes, and let myself go, no breath at all left in me.


	42. The Chaos

"_Scout, don't give up! Come on! Breathe!_" Darry was yelling at me, slapping at my cheeks, and my eyes snapped back open, everything hazy except Darry's face, right in mine. I was petrified - it was a horrifying feeling; I had no air.

I tried, God knew, I tried to breathe with everything I had, my whole body exhausting itself in the effort. I felt the strain in every muscle in my ribcage as I commanded it to expand, to no avail. I looked up at Darry and felt absolute, complete fear, as his eyes reflected exactly what I was thinking: I was going to die. I was dying, _already_. Two-Bit, behind him, looked equally terrified, and that just served to solidify my own fear.

_I was going to die_, right there on my coach's lawn, having just survived a tornado, because I got bitten by a bunch of stupid spiders, the thing I feared most in the world. Ironically, a fear that everyone had always assured me was completely silly and irrational. I breathed in with all I had, coming up with nothing, wanting to cough at the complete dryness in my mouth and throat, yet unable to. Every cell in my body was begging for oxygen, my consciousness failing. Darry was yelling at me, still:

"Fight it, Scout. _Fight! Breathe!_"

"We don't have time to get her to the hospital…I need a knife - something sharp, now," I heard Dr. Bryant say.

"I got one here." I watched through a haze as Two-Bit withdrew his switchblade from his back pocket, flicked it open and passed it from his hand to Dr. Bryant's, just as everything disappeared.

………………………………..

Everything that happened after that was like a strange dream, where the parts didn't seem to happen in order, and nothing anybody was doing made any sense…

The next thing I remember, I opened my eyes and Darry was straddling my legs, pinning down my hands. That, in itself, was enough to terrify me – never again in my life would I be comfortable with having my hands pinned, and Darry _knew_ that – but I could feel other hands on my head, holding it tightly down against the ground. Somehow, I knew it was Two-Bit.

Dr. Bryant's face was blurry above me, and I could feel pressure and pain on my neck. I tried to open my mouth to talk but it was impossible – I had no air. I closed my eyes, sure that I must be dead. Darry would never hold me down like that so long as I was alive. Never, _ever_… He knew how much that scared me.

"Scout, stay still. _Please_," Darry begged, though he didn't need to. I couldn't move, anyway. I had no energy left; I had used it all up in my quest for breath.

My whole body ached and there was still that terrible buzzing in my ears, but people were yelling over it. Darry was screaming my name, sounding angry and terrified at the same time, yelling at me.

"_Hang on, Scout! Don't give up!_" I knew there were some other people standing there, because I could hear Dr. Bryant's commanding voice intermingled with theirs, ordering them around... Yet I focused on Darry's voice, rising above all of them. I strained to hear him, waiting for him to tell me what to do, how to make this stop.

"Scout, open your eyes. _Scout!_"

I tried, although they felt swollen shut. I opened them a tiny bit, but the bright light was too much, and, immediately, I had to close them again.

"_Don't_, Darrel. Don't upset her. She can't move, or we could lose the airway." Dr. Bryant's voice was right by my side. Somebody I didn't recognize said something about the phone lines being down and I heard Dr. Bryant say, urgently,

"We've got to drive her, then. _Now_. This might not hold up… she needs medication to open her natural airway. Darrel, we'll go in your truck."

"Whatever you want. Help her… please. Just don't let her die, _please_… We need her… We can't lose anybody else… _not her, too,_ _God…,_ " I heard Darry pleading.

"Darry… _easy, buddy_." It was Two-Bit, comforting him. I was glad he was there, that Darry had somebody, but as much as I loved Two-Bit, I wanted Soda and Pony there something fierce.

I felt myself being carefully rolled on my side and something being slid underneath me. Suddenly I was being lifted, and the next thing I knew, I was in the back of our truck with Darry and Dr. Bryant.

"Fast, Two-Bit," Darry yelled, and I heard Two-Bit reply, though I had no idea what he said. I struggled to reach out for Darry, feel his hand on mine, but I struggled to breathe and I found myself fading away, again.

"Hang on, baby." Darry was crying, I thought – he sounded like he had that night I'd found him crying in his bed - though everything was so confusing that I couldn't be sure. I kept forgetting where I was and fading away, then hearing Darry's voice, again.

"No way, are we gonna lose you, too… _No way._ Be strong, Scout. Just hang on, just a little longer." I tried to squeeze his hand but I was frozen.

We went over a bump in the road and I felt a sharp pain in my throat and heard Dr. Bryant cursing. The buzzing in my head overtook all of the voices, again, and I could neither hear nor move, though I was fully aware of my body, riding along in the back of the truck. I must be dead, I decided. _I really am dead_. This is what it's like. I wondered if I would be with my Mom and Dad the next time I woke up, all three of us dead. At least I wouldn't be alone, I hoped.

………………………………….

I wasn't. The next time I was aware of anything, I was clearly in a hospital; I knew that without even being able to open my eyes. The noises were a dead giveaway, as would have been the smell, I'm sure, if I could have smelled anything. I still felt no air passing through my mouth or nose, though I didn't feel like I was suffocating like I had before. It was the strangest feeling – I was breathing, but I didn't have any idea how. My mouth was closed and there was no air passing through my nose. I was exhausted, though - _way_ too exhausted to open my eyes to find out.

I heard hurried footsteps on linoleum, carts being wheeled down long, echoing corridors, the curt voices of harried nurses… beeps and alarms on machines. There was urgent doctor talk - Dr. Bryant again - and Darry's voice… my coach was there, too, and Two-Bit, somewhere. It was a jumbled mix of voices that faded in and out of my realm of consciousness.

"No past history"… "Soda and Pony are on their way, okay, baby? We'll all be here."…"spider venom"… "start her on epi drip point five" …_yelling and running in the background_ … "I'm right here, baby"… "somebody say there's a little kid, too?"… "two-year-old,…one bite… no visible reaction"…"keep that airway steady, I don't want you messing up her larynx"… "BP? Somebody get me a BP!" … _mumbled responses_… "keep an eye on that heart rate…slow the epi if it goes over one-sixty"…

I didn't want to hear it anymore - the other voices had drowned out Darry's, and that was the only one I cared about hearing, along with Soda and Ponyboy's. I hoped they would get there soon, but I figured that, at least, if I died first, I'd have Darry there. He wouldn't let me die alone. I thought he was holding my hand – somebody was – and I squeezed, hoping it was him.

I felt a gnawing thought, at the back of my brain, about how I didn't want to die, but I was too exhausted right then to put any effort into living. It would have to be up to the doctors. I gave in to the buzzing again, letting it take over.

I felt hands on my already almost numb arms, then the prick of a needle. I felt everything fade away again, praying that, whether I woke up living or dead the next time, at least I'd have somebody there to greet me.

…………………………………….

**A/N: Thanks all who are reviewing despite fanfiction acting weird and denying some of you access. I appreciate it more than you know.**


	43. The Awakening

The next time I woke up I was in a bed, and my breathing was back to normal – at least it was happening through my mouth and nose again, that is. It was raspy and quite a bit more painful than I was used to, however. My neck hurt and my throat and chest ached something awful, but I could breathe. I sucked in a big mouthful of air and coughed, which only made my throat hurt worse. There was something in my nose and I reached up to tug it free, but another hand closed around mine, pulling it away.

"_No_, Scout," Darry said, firmly. "Leave it."

I groaned and tried to open my eyes, which still felt swollen.

"Darry…" I tried to talk and, again, my throat burned. I opened my eyes to see him leaning over me, Pony and Soda behind him. He put his finger on my lips, which felt terribly dry.

"Shhhh, don't talk. Dr. Bryant doesn't want you talking yet."

I just stared up, through my swollen eyes. I still had no idea what had really happened.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Even though I remembered pieces, I shook my head.

"The tornado…you remember that? We got you out of the cellar?"

I nodded.

"You got spider bites, baby… in the cellar. You were allergic, you got all swollen. You couldn't breathe, so Dr. Bryant had to cut a hole in your throat so you could breathe. Otherwise you would've died."

I certainly believed him about the dying thing. I knew how close I had been. Close enough to feel it.

"Do you hurt?"

I nodded, cringing. Besides my throat, my chest was burning. I remembered how hard I had worked those muscles, trying to force air into my lungs. Now it felt like I had torn them all loose and tied them in knots.

"He wanted us to get him when you woke up… I'm gonna get him, okay? Maybe he can give you something for the pain."

I nodded again. Besides the pain, I felt my heart beating a mile a minute, which was weird since I was so exhausted I didn't even feel like I could move. But I needed to know something. I grabbed Darry's hand and spelled it out on his palm.

_Laura?_

"She's fine. She only had one bite. You must have sat on their nest or something, that's why your legs were hurting so much. I'll be right back." He turned and went out to the hallway.

I squeezed my eyes shut at the thought, suddenly aware that my legs ached nearly as much as my chest. I struggled to pick my head up and glance at my legs but they were covered by the sheet. Soda come over and gently pushed my head back down.

"Geez, Scout," he said, that's one sure way to get Darry to forgive you, you know - goin' out and almost _dyin'_ on us," Soda said. I knew he was just kidding, but thinking about how horrible I had been to him, I started to cry, and could tell that he immediately felt bad.

"Aw, come on Scout, you know I was just kidding," he said, lying his head down on the pillow next to mine and rubbing my head. "You know how much Darry loves you. He was a wreck until the doctors told him for sure that you were gonna be okay. We all were. We love you, kiddo. We need you."

I tried to pull Soda closer but, frankly, my whole upper body was exhausted and I could hardly find the energy to lift my arms. I noticed the hives were still there, not as ugly as they had been at first, when they appeared, but the moment I noticed them I realized how itchy I still was. I imagined spiders all over me and immediately shivered, wanting nothing more than a shower.

"Are you cold?" Ponyboy asked, having taken my hand as I tried to throw it around Soda.

I shook my head no. It was actually bordering on uncomfortably hot in the room, and a fan off in the corner whirred away but did little to mitigate the heat.

Darry came back in with Dr. Bryant behind him, and both of them looked worried to see me crying.

"What happened?" Darry asked.

"Is she in that much pain?" Dr. Bryant looked at me, concerned, pulling over a chair and taking my hand.

I shook my head and tried to wipe my eyes on the sheet.

"Naw, I was trying to make a joke and I made her cry by accident," Soda admitted, and Darry shot him a glance. I looked up at Darry and mouthed the words:

"I'm sorry."

He sat down on the bed and pulled me up to hug him.

"It's over, Scout, it wasn't a big deal. You think I never mouthed off or got mad like that? Don't worry about it. We love you. Now let's take care of what's hurting you, okay?"

I nodded against him, wanting to fall back to sleep again right there against his shoulder, but he set me back down on the bed for Dr. Bryant to look me over.

"Your chest sore?" he asked, taking my pulse.

I nodded.

"Anywhere else?"

I pointed to my legs, then made a scratching motion to show him how itchy I was, as well as patting at my heart to show how it felt like it was racing.

"So, sore chest, sore legs, itchy all over and your heart's racing. Sore throat, too, I bet?"

I nodded again.

"Well, as unpleasant as all those things are, they're all normal. You gave your chest muscles quite a workout trying to breathe, and your sore legs and itchiness are a reaction to the bites. A side effect of the medication we gave you to open your airway is increased heart rate. That should wear off after a while, once we stop that medication. We just want to be sure that your reaction is over and that it won't repeat itself."

I looked at him, disbelieving. This could happen _again? Was he kidding? _He knew exactly what I was thinking.

"Don't worry," he laughed, "we're making sure it doesn't."

I wasn't entirely convinced. Soda rubbed my shoulder and I knew he felt bad about making me cry.

I motioned to the IV in my arm, wondering what that was all about.

"That's how you got the medicine to help you breathe," he said, "and we had to put you out for a short time while we closed up your throat. Now we're giving you some antibiotics, since when I cut you it wasn't exactly done with a sterile instrument in a sterile operating room."

I suddenly flashed back to the memory of Two-Bit flicking open his blade, and he and Darry holding me down. It was all making more sense now. I'd have to remember to thank Two-Bit for regularly carrying around a weapon.

"Alright, Scout, here's what we're gonna do," Dr. Bryant said, making notes on his chart. "I'm gonna order you something to help the itching and some muscle relaxants to help with the tightness in your chest. All of that is going to make you real sleepy, though, so I'm going to have them bring you some food first. Only liquids and semi-solids for a couple of days, okay? Jello, soups, stuff like that. I don't want you to irritate your throat. We'll see how you feel after a good rest and maybe you can start whispering and even go home."

Home. I wanted to be there more than anything. I was in no position to complain, though. Being in the hospital was certainly a whole lot better than being dead.

"In the meantime, maybe your brothers here can get a little rest themselves. They've spent all their energy all night worrying about you. I looked past Dr. Bryant to the window and saw that it was morning. I must have been out of it since whenever they'd gotten me out of the cellar the previous day, though I had no idea what time of day that had been. Any concept of time had stopped once I got into that dark cellar.

"Anything else I can get for you?" Dr. Bryant sat down on my bed.

I couldn't think of anything.

"I'm real glad I was there, Scout," he said. "I would have been heartbroken if we'd lost you," he said, and I knew right then that he was my friend every bit as much as my doctor.

"Thank you," I mouthed the words.

"We _all_ thank you," Darry said, "I don't know what we would have done if you weren't there. I don't even want to imagine it," he added, grabbing my hand and squeezing. I squeezed back and he held on, tight.

"Alright, well, I'll have the nurses bring in those meds," he said, "and I'll be back in to check on you later tonight, before I leave, okay Miss Scout?"

I nodded, and Darry stood up.

"Thanks again," Darry said. "I mean it. Thanks for saving her for us."

"I'm just glad I was there," he said, sincerely.

"So are we," Pony said, barely whispering. He had been quiet, and I had a feeling he was not entirely comfortable with the fact that he had just come so close to losing yet another person he cared about. He had been watching me intently since I woke up, making sure I was okay.

Dr. Bryant left, and all three brothers turned to face me.

"_That_ was a long night," Darry said. All three of them looked completely exhausted.

"Go home," I mouthed to them. Darry looked hesitant.

I nodded to him to signify that, really, it was okay. The three of them looked at each other. Darry spoke.

"We'll stay until you fall asleep, then I'm gonna go home and shower and change, then I'll come back and Soda can drive him and Pony home. I'll stay here with you."

I was going to try to tell him that he didn't have to, but I knew I wouldn't change his mind anyway, so I decided not to waste the effort. God, but I was tired.

A few moments later an orderly came in with jello and tomato soup. I wanted nothing to do with any of it, but, to make Darry happy, I ate some of both. The nurse came in to give me the medications Dr. Bryant had ordered, and Soda asked if there was anything else they could give me to eat. They were always worried about me eating. She said she'd see what she could do.

A few minutes later, she was back, popsicles in hand for all of us. I eagerly accepted it, and appreciated the soothing cold against my throat. The last thing I remember was Darry taking it out of my hands, as I drifted off, and him kissing my forehead as I slipped away into a dreamless sleep.

"Sleep tight, baby," he whispered, as he tucked the sheets around me.

………………………………………..

**A/N: Rest in Peace, Patrick Swayze. Thank you for bringing Darry to life for us. You will not be forgotten. I hope I am always able to do justice to the character you portrayed. *Sleep tight, Darry.*  
**


	44. The Disorientation

The next time I awoke, it was dark, and I had slept so soundly that I had no idea where I was when I first woke up. I had that experience where you open your eyes expecting to find the familiar shadows of your own bedroom and, when you don't, are at a complete loss about where you are for a few panicked seconds. It wasn't until I attempted to get up and felt the aching in my chest and legs that I remembered what had happened.

I did feel better than I had the first time I'd awakened – whatever pills they had given my for the pain must have worked. In fact, I realized just how _well_ they were working, and what exactly they _were_ – muscle relaxants – as I slid my legs off the bed and tried to stand up to go use the bathroom. Immediately, I realized I was too "relaxed" to bear my own body weight and collapsed, trying in vain to grab onto the bedrail but missing and falling rather unceremoniously into a heap on the floor. I remembered how I'd reacted to the muscle relaxants after the car accident, and how Darry'd had to carry me into the house. Same sensation. My legs were like jello.

I hadn't realized he was even in the room, but as soon as I fell, a light flicked on and Darry was jumping out of the chair – where, presumably - he had been sleeping.

"Are you alright?" He picked me up and set me back on the bed. "Did you hit your head?"

"I'm okay. I didn't know the medicine would make me so clumsy… Sorry I woke you up." I had forgotten that I wasn't supposed to be talking. He heard the raspy tone of my voice and signaled to me to whisper.

"It's alright, those chairs are crap for sleeping in anyway, I wasn't even really asleep. Why'd you get up? Dr. Bryant says you can whisper as long as it doesn't hurt."

"I had to pee," I whispered, and it didn't hurt.

"Oh. So I assume you _still _have to, then?"

"Well, yeah." The problem wasn't going to go away by itself.

"Put your arms around my neck," he said, and, as I did, he lifted me out of the bed and carried me over to the bathroom, making sure I had a good hold on the handrail before letting go.

"Don't try to come back out on your own," he said, as he shut the door.

I won't," I promised him.

I wasn't sure how my bladder could have possibly held that much – or where it had all come from, since all I could remember drinking was the Pepsi after coming out of the cellar – and I didn't even remember finishing it, but I was glad I had woken up. There was no way I could have slept through the whole night without a trip to the bathroom, and Lord knows how embarrassing it would have been to wet the bed.

"You can come back in," I whispered, when I was all done. Darry opened the door, laughing.

"_What?_"

"That was sure a lot of pee to come from a little kid like you," he remarked.

"I know. I guess getting bit by spiders makes you pee a lot," I said, though I shuddered as I said it. The reality of what had happened to me was starting to really set in, and the idea of whole thing was starting to scare me even more than when it had actually happened.

Darry lifted me back up and put me back in the bed, sitting next to me.

"What time is it?" I wondered out loud.

Darry looked at his watch.

"Two-fifteen."

"In the morning?" I was so disoriented as to the time.

"Yup."

"Oh, _God_, Darry, go back to sleep. Don't you have to work in the morning?"

"I have the morning off. That's why I'm here and I made Soda go home and sleep. He's working in the morning."

"Oh. Well, you should have just stayed home and slept. I'm fine here."

"I just woke up to find you on the floor. You have a strange concept of 'fine.'"

Oh yeah, there was _that_, but still…

"The nurses would be checking on me more if you weren't in here," I said, though I wasn't sure that was really the case.

Darry was quiet for a minute, then surprised me with what he said.

"You almost _died_, Scout. We almost lost you, _for real_. I don't _want_ to leave you here alone, because for some reason I feel like as long as one of us is with you, we can make sure you're okay."

I felt tears coming. For the first time it really hit me, how close I had come to dying, and how much seeing that had scared Darry as much as me. I actually remembered _thinking_ I was dying, and then dead, and not having either the will or the energy to do anything about it. Suddenly, I was terrified that it could happen again. I sat up and threw my arms around Darry, catching him off guard with my sobs.

"I'm always making you cry without meaning to," he said, as I buried my head in his neck and he reached up to smooth my hair back.

"I don't want to die," I whispered. "It was so scary. I thought I was already dead."

"I know, baby," he said, gently rubbing the back of my neck. "I _know_ it was. It was scary for all of us."

"I thought when I woke up I was going to be dead, and gone from here, with Mom and Dad. I felt caught in the middle, like I wanted to be with them, but I wanted to be with you and Soda and Pony and Ben, too."

"I'm sorry, Scout. I'm really sorry this happened to you. I would have traded places with you in a second, if I could have." I could hear the sadness in his voice, over the fact that, once again, he hadn't been able to protect one of us from something bad.

"What if it happens again?" My throat was starting to hurt, from the combination of crying and the irregular breathing that went along with it.

"It won't," he said, lying me back down on the bed and lying down next to me, pushing me over on the narrow bed. "I promise, it won't."

"Thanks for staying with me," I said, then added, "I love you. Even when I'm a brat, I still love you." I wasn't going to let any more opportunities to say that pass me by, after how much I regretted not saying it the last time.

"Love you too," he answered, "Always. No more talking, okay. You're not sounding so good." He put his finger over my lips.

I didn't answer, just snuggled against him until, finally, I stopped crying and fell back asleep.

………………………………..

"_Rise and Shine!_"

Somebody was shaking me gently on the arm.

I woke up to find Soda grinning down at me, and Darry sitting up in the bed.

"You two got kinda cozy last night, huh?" Pony said with a smile, taking a seat as Darry stood up.

"Anything's better than that chair. Anyway, I thought you were working this morning," Darry said, working out a kink in his back.

"I am," Soda replied. "Just wanted to check on you two before I clocked in."

"I'm okay," I said, but I choked on my own words from the dryness in my throat, which sent me into a coughing fit that did nothing good for my pain level. I wanted out of that hospital, though, so I drank the water Pony had hurriedly poured for me and waved them off.

"I'm okay," I whispered. They were about to start the Curtis version of the Spanish Inquisition about my well-being when Dr. Bryant came through the door.

"My, my, we got the whole family up this morning, huh?"

"Yeah," I smiled. It _had_ been nice to wake up to Soda rather than a nurse. Soda stood up so Dr. Bryant could pull the chair over and sit next to me.

He looked at me without saying anything for a minute and I was feeling a bit uncomfortable until I realized he was just seeing how I looked, through a doctor's eyes.

"So," he finally asked, opening up my chart and writing something, "how do you feel this morning? _Honestly._"

I wasn't sure how much lying I could get away with, but I also wasn't sure how much truth I could tell and still get to go home.

"Well," I whispered, though it did hurt a bit, "My chest doesn't hurt as much," I offered. "And I don't really itch anymore."

"How's the throat?"

"Kinda dry, but okay." I would agree to not talk for a _week_, if that's what I had to do in order to go home. He didn't say anything, though.

"How about the legs? Are they still painful?" He pulled back the covers to look at them and I recoiled. Both shins had big, raised marks that looked like bruises, with some sort of ointment covering them.

Darry saw my reaction and asked the doctor,

"They'll go away, right?"

"Oh yeah," he answered. "They should completely disappear." He examined a couple of the worst looking ones and wrote a few notes.

"I need to listen to your chest, okay?"

I shrugged. I certainly wasn't going to say no to the guy who just saved my life.

He slid the stethoscope under my hospital gown and listened, asking me to breathe deeply, which caused me to start coughing again. Pony handed me the water again and I drank, still coughing slightly. Dr. Bryant looked at me, his brow furrowed, and listened again, this time to my back.

All three brothers stood there silently, until he finished.

"Well?" I finally asked.

"It sounds pretty good. I don't like that cough, but I _did_ bring it on by asking you to breathe like that, so it isn't just spontaneous."

"Can I go home?" I asked, trying not to sound as desperate for a yes as I was.

"Well…," he started, with a sly grin, "…_okay_. But I have some pretty strict directions for you to follow for a few days."

"She will," Darry said. Of _course_ I would, because he would be equivalent to my prison guard at home.

Soda and Pony had to leave to go to work, Soda promising to fix something "deliciously liquid" for me for dinner later, the thought of which almost made me gag. All I could think of was him putting hamburger in the blender or something. I could still hear him laughing about it as he walked away down the corridor. Dr. Bryant turned back to face me and Darry.

"Okay, so, before I send you home, you and Darrel and I need to talk serious here, okay Scout?"

"Okay," I agreed. Darry immediately took on his face which indicated that he was going to memorize everything this doctor said and repeat it back to me word for word if I tried to do anything I shouldn't. I had to smile a little at him, for being so predictable, but he motioned for me to listen to the doctor.

"What happened to you was very serious," he started. "As you're both aware, you could have died, Scout."

I nodded, solemnly. It occurred to me that I could never repay him for what he'd done for me, or account for the simple dumb luck that he'd been there to do it in the first place.

"So, the fact is, we don't know what will happen if you get another insect bite," he said. I had been thinking about that. I already avoided spiders as much as possible, but it was inevitable that I would come upon one from time to time. "We think that you only had a reaction due to the number of bites and the amount of venom, but until you receive another bite, it's impossible for us to predict what will happen."

"I always hated spiders. Everybody always teased me about it."

"Well, it's not really a joke anymore. My personal feeling is that you only reacted due to the extremity of the attack, since your brother said you've been bitten by ants and stung by bees previously with no reaction."

"Yeah." I remembered both times. I'd sat on a hill of fire ants once at a picnic, and I'd been stung by a bee during school recess. It had hurt both times, but I hadn't almost _died_.

"The spider that bit you – it's called a brown recluse – they're dangerous but not usually deadly. But, just to be safe, because none of us who went through this the first time want it to happen again, I'm going to prescribe a liquid antihistimine for you. I'm going to order several of them, and I want you to keep one nearby wherever you go. Keep one with the school nurse, in your house, in the glove box of the family car, in your purse… anywhere you might get bit or stung."

"Okay."

"I'll make sure she does," Darry said.

"And if you do happen to get a bite or a sting, you drink the whole bottle, as soon as possible, and you come to the hospital, immediately, even if you feel fine, okay? You saw how suddenly things happened this time."

"I will."

"I'm not trying to scare you, Scout, but I don't want you dying, and neither does your family. So a hospital is the best place to go in case anything happens."

"I know. I appreciate it."

"Okay. Other than that, for the next few days, rest. No solid foods for two more days, no heavy activity, try not to talk more than necessary, absolutely_ no_ yelling, and you let me know if anything starts to hurt worse or if you have any other problems, okay?" He stood up, hanging my chart on the end of the bed.

"Thanks again," Darry said. "I can't say enough how much we appreciate you for what you've done."

"Like I said before, I'm just glad I was there."

"Dr. Bryant?" I whispered as he was leaving, and he turned around.

"Yes?"

"Can I give you a hug?" I asked, hoping I wasn't going to make him uncomfortable. I trusted and appreciated him as a doctor more than I ever had any other.

"Of course," he said, and came over and hugged me.

"Thank you," I whispered. "For saving my life. That's not something I can ever repay you for."

"No payback necessary," he answered, "seeing you well is the best reward I could ask for."

I smiled. If I had to get sick at least I was lucky enough to have the nicest doctor ever.

"Oh, and speaking of payment," he turned to Darry, "the balance of Scout's bill after the state insurance has been taken care of."

"_What?_" Darry nearly yelled in shock.

"That's right. An anonymous benefactor. So all you need to do is sign her out, and she's free to go. I'll have the papers sent down." He turned and left, as Darry just stood there, a look of complete astonishment on his face.

Free to go. Man, did that ever sound good.

…………………………………

**A/N: Still feeling pretty sad about Patrick. Forgive me if there was some gratuitous Darry-hugging in this chapter…**


	45. The Relapse

Darry was completely floored that my bill had been paid, and asked over and over again while he waited for my discharge papers to arrive if I knew who had done it.

"Darry, I told you, I have no idea. I've hardly even been awake the past two days," I whispered.

Well, who do you think it could be? I mean, do you think it was Dr. Bryant?"

"I don't know. Who cares, anyway? I'd think you'd be glad!"

"I am… I mean, I just feel like somebody out there thinks I can't handle paying it. We may not be rolling in dough, but we're not exactly a charity case, either."

I just stared at him until he smiled.

"Plus, it would be nice to know who to thank."

"Well, I suppose you could hire a detective, with all the money you saved not having to pay my bill," I suggested. "Though that woud kinda defeat the purpose."

He laughed and rubbed my hair.

"Yeah, I guess so."

The nurse came in with my papers and Darry signed them, leaving us free to go. As always, they made me get wheeled out to the truck in a wheelchair. I was more than happy to climb up into the truck and watch them wheel the empty chair away.

"Ready to go home?" Darry asked as he slid into the driver's seat.

"You're kidding, right?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "I know; there's no place like home."

"That's for sure," I agreed.

He stopped at the pharmacy to fill my prescriptions and came out with a whole bunch of little containers filled with a disgustingly pink liquid.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Your new best buddy," he said, opening the glove box and putting one in it. "Just in case you get another bite or sting." He handed me the bag with the rest.

I sighed. I didn't like – at all – the thought that this could all happen again.

"Baby, you'll probably be fine even if you do get bit, it's just in case. So no worrying, okay?"

I wasn't able to promise that.

"Hey, look - I wasn't even gonna tell you, because I didn't want you to take it the wrong way and think _I_ was real worried, but I had the house sprayed while you were gone. So you shouldn't have to worry about spiders in the house anymore. I want you to feel safe there."

For some reason that admission almost made me want to cry. I was sure that an exterminator was just about the _last _thing on Earth Darry would want to be spending his hard-earned money on, but he cared enough about me to do it.

"You didn't hafta do that, Dar… I've lived there for twelve years and never got bit by anything in the house."

"I wanted to." He took his eyes off the road for a minute and glanced over at me. "I want you to be safe."

"Well, I want the same for you," I said, sliding into the middle so I could lean against him. "So can you stop climbing on roofs all day, every day?"

"Sorry… no can do," he laughed. I rested my head against him and closed my eyes for the rest of the way home.

As we pulled up in front of the house, I saw that my flowers hadn't fared too well in the latest storm. They weren't destroyed, but most of the taller stems had broken and the flowers lay dead in the dirt. As Darry helped me into the house – the bites still made my legs hurt a lot – he saw me looking.

"Those will be fine," he said. "Better them than you." I had to agree with that.

Once we got inside, Darry went into full-on guardian mode. I begged him to let me take a quick shower, to which he reluctantly agreed (and stood outside the bathroom the whole time I was in there), then he set me up on the couch with some ginger ale and forbade me to move except to go to the bathroom. He also put the kibosh on my talking, saying I was starting to sound worse, and gave me a pad of paper and, of all things, a pot and a knife to bang on it if I needed him. Then he actually got mad at me for laughing about it.

"Cut it out, Scout, you're gonna hurt your vocal chords."

I tried, for the sake of his effort, to pull myself together.

"Okay, I'm gonna make some lunch in a while. I'm making you a milkshake. You want chocolate or vanilla?"

I started to answer and he cut me off, pointing to the notepad. I drew a big C for chocolate and he was gone.

I watched the television, dozing off until the phone rang. I moved to answer it but Darry picked it up in the kitchen. I heard him talking and it sounded like he was making plans for somebody to come over. Finally he hung up and came in, carrying a giant milkshake for me.

"That was your coach," he said, before I could even ask. "He wants to come over with the baby to see you. I told him they could come this afternoon… that okay? He wants to see you in person, make sure you're okay."

I nodded. He handed me the milkshake and I laughed at the fact that it had a straw in it.

"Just thought it would be easier," he said. "You know, that's how the doc helped you breathe, right?"

I looked at him, puzzled.

"After he used Two-Bit's knife…he used the baby's straw to keep the hole in your throat open."

I had to smile. Even Laura, in her little way, demanding a straw, had done her part to save me.

I took a sip of the milkshake and, although the cold felt good against my throat, it made me start coughing again. Darry raised his eyebrows and looked worried.

"Does that cough hurt?"

I lied and shook my head no. I didn't want him worrying about me over a stupid cough. I wouldn't let on to him, but I was pretty uncomfortable. My legs ached and the bites still itched, and my chest still felt like I'd been run over by a bus. But there was nothing he could do about any of that so there was no point in him knowing.

I finished the milkshake and lay my head back down on the pillow, not feeling like doing anything but sleep. Darry took my glass and set it on the table, sitting down on the couch next to me.

"Tired?"

I nodded, and he pushedmy hair back out of my face. It hurt my chest to raise my arms up to braid it, so I'd just brushed it and it just hung down straight, right in my face.

"Want me to call up your coach and tell him not to come?"

I shook my head, closing my eyes.

"I don't want to have to wake you up if he comes while you're sleeping," he said.

"I don't mind," I whispered, and his finger was on my lips.

"Sssh. No talking. I'm gonna be outside fixing the porch railing, so bang the pot if you need me." I fought back a laugh.

I felt the couch cushion rise as he removed his weight, and fell immediately asleep.

I woke up to voices on the porch: Darry, Coach K., and Laura. Laura was babbling loudly and drowning out anything either of the other two said. I dragged myself up off the couch and over to the door. Laura saw me before either of the other two did.

""Cowt!" she yelled, and came running over. I was glad for the door between us because she came at me so gung-ho that she would likely have knocked me over.

"Whoa, there little one," Coach said and came over to pick her up so I could push the door open.

"Hi Laura," I whispered, and she held her arms out to me. There was no way I was going to be able to hold her without bringing out the worst of my chest pain. "I don't think…," I looked at Coach K.

"Of course not," Coach said. "Scout has a boo-boo and can't hold you today, okay?" Laura seemed to understand.

"I could sit with her, on the couch," I said, and sat down on the porch couch. He sat Laura down beside me and she immediately snuggled up to me.

"Has she been okay? From the bite, I mean?" I asked, my voice getting raspier the more I talked.

"She's been fine. It's _you_ we've all been worried about. God, Scout, if Andrew hadn't been there… I mean, from something that happened in my cellar, while you were taking care of my child… I get sick just thinking about it."

I kind of had to agree, though I didn't say it.

"I'm just so glad you're okay," he continued. "Barbara and I would have never gotten over it, if…"

"I'm okay," I whispered, though I immediately had a coughing fit, betraying my words. Both Darry and Coach eyed me worriedly. Even Laura got a little unnerved by the sound of my hacking.

"Did they give you anything for that?" Coach asked, once the coughing had subsided.

"He said she could just take regular cough medicine," Darry said, then looked at his watch. "You can have another dose in a half-hour."

I nodded, rubbing at my throat. The cough definitely made it hurt more.

"Darrel, if there is anything Barbara and I can do for you and your family, you just name it," Coach said. "We just feel so badly about this." There was something in the tone of his voice that made both Darry and I realize right then that it had been him and his wife who paid my bill. Our eyes met and I nodded.

"You've already done more than enough," Darry said, "and while it wasn't necessary, we appreciate it."

"It was absolutely necessary," he answered. "None of this would have even happened if Scout hadn't been taking care of Laura for us."

"Well, we certainly thank you for it," Darry said.

"Yeah," I managed to whisper, coughing again but managing to avoid an all-out attack.

"Scout, I don't like how you sound at all. I hate to break up the party, but I want you to go back in and lie down." Darry came over and pulled me up off the couch.

"I have to agree with your brother on that," Coach said, plucking Laura up off the couch as well. "Say bye to Scout, okay?"

"Bye 'Cowt."

"Bye, Laura."

"I totally understand if you don't want to finish out the summer for us, even when you feel better…" Coach started, looking me in the eyes.

"No," I whispered, "I do." I looked at Darry.

"She's on house arrest for a few days, but we'll give you a call once she's back in commission," he said, pushing me through the front door.

"Will do," said Coach, and then he and Laura were gone.

I lay back on the couch and coughed some more, rubbing my throat. Darry gave in on his usually to-the-letter-as-indicated-on-the-bottle medicine dosage rule and gave me the cough medicine early, though it didn't seem to help much. Finally, I managed to drift off, only to wake up again as Soda and Pony arrived home.

I sat on the couch watching the news while my brothers worked on dinner. I could smell the fried chicken Darry had made and would have killed for a piece, but I heard the blender going and saw another milkshake in my future. Sure enough, when Darry called me in, there was a tall glass of… _something _at my place. I looked at Soda.

"I didn't make it," he said, pointing his chin at Darry.

"It's banana," Darry said. "You're not eating chocolate for three days, you have to eat something healthy."

I must have looked skeptical, because he added:

"I had some myself. It's good. At least try it before you turn up your nose at it."

I took a sip and, to my surprise, it wasn't that bad. I was allowed to have mashed potatoes, too, which I smothered with gravy. I managed to make it through dinner without coughing, but as I worked on the dishes, I had the biggest episode I'd had up until then, coughing so much I had to sit at the table bent over, trying to avoid the pain that flared up in my chest every time I had a coughing fit.

"That's it, you're done," Darry said, as I finally stopped. "Bed. Now."

"I'll get the dishes," Pony said, looking at me funny. "Is she all right? I mean, is she supposed to be coughing like that?" he asked Darry.

"I doubt it," he said, dragging me into my bedroom. "Get ready for bed," he said, "I'll be right back."

I wasn't sure what he was coming back for, but I did as he said, changing into my pajamas and collapsing onto my bed. It was too hot for blankets, so I just lay there on top of my covers until he came back in. A few minutes later he reappeared, coming in and sitting across from me on the spare bed.

"What?" I mouthed. I didn't even _want _to talk anymore, it hurt that much.

"I have to do some work tomorrow," he said. "All those contacts from your Coach's neighborhood – I have to go out there and give them quotes on their repairs or they're gonna forget about me and end up going with somebody else."

I shrugged. He always worked in the day. I already felt bad that he had missed time because of me - I was sure if I hadn't been in the hospital he would have been giving those people quotes the day after the storm. I didn't know why he was telling me this. I gave him what I hoped was a questioning look.

"I just feel bad, leaving you home alone. But Pony should be home by two, and you can call Soda at the DX if you need anything. I'll leave the cough medicine out for you, two doses. One when you wake up and one four hours later, okay?"

I stared back.

"I'm gonna try to be back by five, but I have a lot of people to get to. If they all hire me it's a lot of money for us."

I nodded. I understood.

"You go to sleep," he said, turning to go. "I don't like the sound of that cough. Feel better, okay?"

I nodded. I sure planned to try.

I happened to notice my clock and was amazed that it was only seven. Although it was still light out, I'd thought it was much later. I heard the doorbell ring and then heard Darry talking to Ben about me, saying that maybe tomorrow night I'd be up for visitors. I wanted to see him something awful but I knew Darry would be mad if I got up, so I contented myself with just hearing his voice. I was sure I looked awful, anyway.

Not too long after, I awoke to the phone ringing and heard Darry talking to a person who could only be Anna. He reassured her that I was alright, and said he would try to get us all there to Angelo's on Thursday, like we had during the school year, but that it would depend on me. Then he clearly was talking to Alison and his whole tone changed. I thought about Thursday and realized as I was drifting off to sleep again that I actually had no idea what day it was.

…………………………

The next morning I woke up to my door opening and looked up to see Darry coming in.

"Hey," he whispered. "I'm heading out. Just wanted to check in on you. You okay?"

I felt horrible. My chest burned and my throat hurt and I had a headache, and my whole body felt exhausted, but I nodded. I didn't want him staying home and losing all those jobs because of me.

"Okay, you call Soda if you need anything, okay?"

I nodded, and he turned to go, shutting the door behind him. I turned over and coughed myself to sleep.

……………………………

I awoke to complete silence, and a terrible ache in my chest. I was confused at first, thinking for some reason that I was outside, in the rain. I could hear it falling, through my open window, but wasn't sure how I had gotten soaked until I realized that I was sweating through my clothes. My head burned and I coughed, grabbing at my throat, whimpering at the pain. I felt horrible. My first thought was that I wanted Mom, and I almost called out for her before I remembered that she was gone. That, in itself – the fact that I was forgetting that mom was gone, told me that something wasn't right.

I called out again, this time for Darry, but there was no answer. Nobody came, and my calls to Pony and Soda were met with nothing but silence, as well. I thought about getting up and walking over to get Ben to help me, but I was asleep again before I could move.

I awoke again to the front door closing.

"_Daddy?_" I called. My Dad always came in to see me when he got home from work. There were quick footsteps and my door opened, a presence coming over to my bed and putting a hand on my forehead. It felt like a block of ice.

"Jesus Christ, Scout, what's the hell's wrong with you now?" It was Ponyboy.

I only wished I knew.

.........................................................

**A/N: I swear, Scout's troubles will ease up soon. Poor kid, she's going through a rough patch. Thanks for all of you who continue to check in, it keeps me writing.**


	46. The Hiding

As quickly as Pony had come into my room, he was gone again, talking to someone in the kitchen. It took a minute before I worked it all out to understand that he was on the phone, talking to Soda.

"No, I'm not exaggerating," Pony said. "She's practically on fire… I didn't take it, but I'm telling you, she definitely has a fever. She sweated through her clothes. Hell, the whole bed's soaked with sweat." He paused for a moment.

I'm telling you, Soda, she's _not right_. She was asking for Dad when I came in."

Silence again, then,

"Okay. I will. Hurry up."

Pony came back in the room and turned on my fan, sitting with me on the bed.

"Scout?"

"Mmmm?" I was so very tired and confused. "Pony, where's Daddy?"

"He's uh… he can't come right now. Do you want anything? Water?" Pony sounded nervous.

"Water," I agreed.

I felt him get up and in a moment he was back, holding a glass of water to my lips. I tried to drink some but it just made me cough.

"Pony?'

"Yeah?"

"I don't feel good."

"Yeah, I can tell. Soda's coming home, we're gonna take you to the doctor."

"Can you just… don't tell Darry, okay Pony? He's really busy."

"Okay," he said, though it sounded like he was lying. The breeze from my fan had made me start shivering.

"Are you cold?" Pony asked. "Want me to shut off the fan?"

"I don't know," I answered. I was still sweating and felt like I was on fire, but I was shivering now, too. Pony threw the covers over me and rolled me up against him. I leaned into him and held on.

I must have drifted off again, and when I woke up again, Soda was sitting next to us, rubbing my head and feeling my forehead. His hand felt cool against my skin.

"Scout, you awake, baby?"

"I'm sick again, Soda." I could hardly open my eyes, and the talking made me cough again.

"I know. We're gonna fix you, okay? We're gonna take you back to the hospital, so they can make you better again."

"Where's Daddy, and Mom?"

I felt his body tense against mine and realized what I said.

"No, never mind, sorry… I just forgot. I know; they're gone. _Darry?_" I had already forgotten that I didn't want him knowing about this, that I didn't want him missing any more work because of me.

"He'll come, baby. He's working, so we can't get him yet, but he'll come, as soon as he hears."

I drew in a deep breath, bringing on another fit of coughing, and felt Soda's arms around me, replacing Pony's, wrapping my bedspread around me and lifting me up.

"You got her?" Pony asked, as my head settled against Soda's neck. He walked with me through the living room. I heard the front door slam behind us and Soda asking Pony to open a door, then sitting in the back seat of a car in Soda's arms. Pony's voice was next to us.

"You all set?" a voice came from the front seat and I was completely taken aback at it's owner: Steve.

I gasped, only making me start coughing again. Soda pulled me in close, whispering in my ear.

"You're okay, baby. He's just driving us… there was nobody else. I got you; you're okay. He can't hurt you."

I was still shivering, and my whole body was weak, but I forced my arms to move, to grab onto Soda. I was scared, knowing that, for him to let me be in a car with Steve, I must have really needed to go to the hospital.

"Am I dying?" I whispered in his ear. I wasn't thrilled at the thought of coming so close to death again, after the whole spider bite incident.

"No," Pony said, moving up against Soda and me. "No, Scout. You're gonna be okay." He grabbed my hand and squeezed, and I wasn't sure who he was trying harder to convince; me or him. "You're not gonna die. The doctors are gonna get you well."

Finally we arrived, and I was still shivering against Soda as he stood up and slid out of the car, carrying me into the Emergency Room.

"Pony, sit so you can take her," I heard him say, then felt myself getting passed off into Pony's lap. I didn't care, so long as I had a brother – any brother – to hold on to.

I leaned against Pony, half-heartedly coughing, but too sleepy to put enough effort into it, resulting in my wheezing more than breathing.

I felt Pony pushing my hair back off my face.

"You'll be okay," he said softly into my ear. "We'll make sure."

I snuggled up against him. I didn't want the hospital again: the tubes, the needles, the pain.

I heard Soda's voice returning, and felt Pony standing with me, then laying me on a stretcher. I held onto the blanket he'd had me in… a piece of home, but they stripped it away from me.

"You can't take that, baby," I heard a voice and immediately recognized it as Mrs. Cummings. "Well get you a hospital blanket, okay?"

"_Ben?_" I said, confused about her being there.

"No, honey, he's not here, but he'll come see you once we get you settled." I remembered then, that she was an ER nurse, and that I was, _again_, in an emergency room.

"_Darry?_" I was worried, that he wasn't there. He was always the one to look out for me.

"He'll come," Soda said, from somewhere in the background. "I'm here, and Pony. We'll take care of you. You're okay."

"You're going with me now," I heard Ben's mom say, as I felt myself getting wheeled somewhere. "I'll make sure you get back safe to your brothers." I knew I could trust her and was about to fall back asleep on the stretcher, as I managed to whisper:

"Where?"

"X-ray, honey. To get a picture of your lungs. Sounds like you might have pneumonia. I know; it hurts a lot, but we can fix it. Probably happened because of what the doctor had to do to open your airway the other day… you got some blood or water in your lungs. You didn't do anything wrong, hon."

Funny, I thought, how she knew without me ever saying that I was wondering if it was my own fault I'd gotten sick again. I guess Moms just know. I wondered vaguely where my own Mom was. As I was wheeled down the hallway I closed my eyes, just wanting to be back with my family in my own bed when I opened them.

………………

I woke up, _again_, in a hospital room. This was getting very old, very fast.

"_Darry?_" I called, again. He was usually the one watching for me to wake up.

"Scout." I was surprised to have Ponyboy be the one sitting by me. He took my hand.

"Pony," I managed to whisper.

"Sssshhh. Don't talk. You're okay. You got pneumonia, you just gotta rest," he said.

I was in no position to argue that. My chest was burning and I felt certain that they must have given me sleeping medicine; I was so tired. I closed my eyes and was out again right away.

Next time I awoke, I was a bit less confused. I sat up, expecting a brother to be asleep in the chair, but was surprised to find Two-Bit there.

"Two-Bit?" I called, in a raspy whisper. He didn't budge. _"Two-Bit?"_

Nothing.

"_Keith?_"

That caused him to jolt awake, looking around panicked until he saw me and realized where he was.

"You okay?" he stood up, coming over to my bed, then adding "And did you just call me Keith?"

"I'm okay," I whispered, my throat still sore. "And yeah, but only since you didn't wake up when I called you Two-Bit"."

"Glory, kid, you gotta stop scarin' us like this," he said.

"Thanks," I squeaked, my throat so dry, "your knife…" Who knew, I might have died if he hadn't had his switch with him that day.

"I'm just glad I had it," he said, staring down at me. "You might not be my sister by blood," he said, " but I'd never sit back and let you die, kiddo. You just about scared the shit outta me, I'll give you that, though. Then gettin' sick again, right after? Lordy, kid, you're due for some good luck. I oughta have you pick some numbers for me for the daily lotto," he joked.

I tried to thank him with my eyes. Hell, it hurt to talk.

"Darry…?"

I could hesitation in his voice as he answered.

He's real busy, Scoot… he's still at work."

I thought about what he said, knowing that Darry had a lot of work to do, with all the damage from the storm. Even so, it seemed strange that he wouldn't have been there either time I woke up.

"How long have I been sleeping?"

"Since last night." That made it even weirder that Darry wasn't there. It was completely out of character for him to not be spending every non-work moment minute harping on us when one of us was sick.

"What time is it?"

"Six-thirty."

"Are Soda or Pony here?"

"Pony's here, and Ben. They just went down to the cafeteria to get some grub. I'll go get 'em," he said, and he left me alone in the room. It was a bit startling; I couldn't remember having been left alone in a hospital room since the last time I'd spoken to Dallas. And that had been because everybody was lying to me about the rumble. As tired and confused as I still was, I was getting the definite feeling that something was going on that nobody wanted to tell me about.

Pony and Ben appeared in the room a few minutes later.

"Where's Two-Bit?" I asked.

"He'll be back," Pony said. "He just ran into somebody outside."

"What, our company's not good enough?" Ben joked, and sat down on the bed. Pony dropped into the chair.

Ben took my hand.

"How you feeling?"

"Okay… Better, but not great. _Tired_." My chest didn't hurt as much, but I still felt pretty much like crap.

"I'm glad Dr. Bryant was there, the other day," he said, and I realized I hadn't seen him since before anything had happened – not since before the storm. I pulled myself up to hug him, his hand rubbing my back as I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"It was scary," I whispered.

"I can imagine," he answered, "but luckily it all worked out. Except for the whole pneumonia thing you got now. But my Mom says it's not that big of a deal, you just need rest and you'll be fine."

"I hope so."

"You will." He smoothed back my hair and I realized how bad I must look. I hadn't showered after all that sweating I'd done, either. I tried to pull away from him.

"What's the matter?" he asked, looking concerened.

"I must look horrible," I answered, "and I probably smell, too."

Ben and Pony both laughed.

"You're in the hospital, Scout," Ben said, "you're supposed to look terrible. You're sick." I didn't miss how neither of them denied I looked bad.

"Is Darry coming after work?" I asked Pony and noticed how he immediately stared at the floor.

"I don't know, Scout. He's been really busy with work and was real tired last night."

"He hasn't been here at all?" I asked. Something was definitely up.

"Oh, no," Ben said, looking every bit as nervous as Pony. "He came last night, but you were already asleep, so the nurses told him to go home."

I stared at Pony, but he refused to meet my eye.

"Since when does Darry listen to what the nurses tell him when one of us is in the hospital?" I asked.

He didn't answer, and that only made me more worried.

"What is _going on?"_ I said, louder than I probably should have and started coughing. I bent over as the stabbing pain came back in my chest.

"He wouldn't just leave me here, and we all know that," I said, through coughs, "So stop lying to me and tell me what is going on! Where is Darry? Is he okay?"

Pony looked at me, finally, and I stared him down. "Ponyboy Curtis, where is Darry?" I asked. "And don't you dare lie to me."

"He's…" he bit back his lip and Ben finished for him.

"He's here, Scout. He's been here, the whole time, checking up on you while you were asleep. He's just hanging out in the waiting room."

"Then why…?"

"He…" Pony started, but was clearly hedging on telling the truth.

"You don't have to lie for me, Pony." I heard Darry's voice before I turned to look at him. "I didn't want you to see me, Scout, and worry."

I turned and gasped at what I saw. Darry stood in the doorway, his hand wrapped in a bandage, two black eyes and a bandage on his cheek, as well as bruises all over his arms. His eyes looked sad and apologetic.

"Oh, God, Darry," I whispered. "What's happened to you?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**A/N: And the drama continues. Thanks for the ton of reviews last chapter (some of you I'd never heard from before, so thanks for checking in!**


	47. The XRays

Darry came over to me as soon as I spoke, sitting on the bed and pulling me up to hug him.

"Listen, Scout, before you even say anything, everything's okay, alright? I'm okay. It's all getting handled."

"It's not okay," I whispered, still coughing a little. "Look at you. What happened? Was it Steve? Did you two get in a fight?"

"What? Why would you even…""

"Was it because he came near me, 'cause Soda made him drive us? It was okay, Dar - Soda was with me; Steve just drove us. I'm sure Soda tried to get somebody else, but he said he was the only one …"

Darry pulled back away from me, and stared.

"Soda made you get into Steve's car? _With_ Steve?" Obviously this was new information for him, and I felt bad. I certainly didn't want to get Soda in trouble.

"Yeah, but…It was _okay_… there was nobody else to drive us. He just… I mean, I was real sick. And an ambulance, that costs money…It was fine. He didn't even talk, I swear, he just drove us."

"_Jesus…_"

"Who was it, then, Darry? If it wasn't Steve… who did this to you?"

"You don't need to worry about it. That's why I didn't want you to see me. Only thing you need to be worrying about is getting better."

"Well, I _am_ worried about it," I said, starting to cough again, "so you might as well just tell me what's going on and save me the trouble of having to find out from somebody else."

Darry sighed, pulling me against him and talking softly into my ear. I saw Ben and Pony both watching me and then Two-Bit reappeared, standing behind the chair where Pony was sitting.

"It was those guys, Scout, the ones that came for me before… about work. They're upset again, that I'm getting so much of the storm damage jobs."

"They got you alone, didn't they? Like I said would happen…they hurt you and nobody was there to help, right?" I wanted to cry at the thought of Darry getting beat on, with nobody there. He may have been the toughest guy I knew, but four or more against one – eventually the odds turn against everyone, no matter how tough you are.

"Baby, like I said, I'm taking care of it. I've got a bunch of Shepard's guys working with me on all this new stuff, and there's no way those other guys are gonna keep up this nonsense with Tim and his gang involved."

I pulled away and took a good look at Darry, suddenly knowing exactly how he felt when something that he had no control over happened to one of us.

"Are you okay? I mean, really? You're not lying just because I'm sick?"

"No. I told you… I'm fine; just a few cuts and bruises. I just didn't want you to worry. I've been here, the whole time, as soon as I heard, I've been right here. And I'm sorry you didn't know that. I wouldn't just leave you. I was hoping I'd look better by the time you woke up. How 'bout you - are you feeling any better?"

"A little." I did feel better. Not _good,_ yet, but better.

"I'm sorry you're stuck here again," he whispered, pulling me backup against him.

"I'm sorry you got hurt," I whispered back. "But please don't hide from me again. That's even more scary than seeing you like this."

"I guess I get that," he admitted. "I just didn't want you to worry, already being sick and all."

"I'm not a baby anymore, Dar."

"I know." He lay me back down on the bed. "You need anything?"

"Can I eat real food yet?" I asked.

"Sorry… not yet," he said.

"Can I have a milkshake?" I asked. "Like, a real one? From the Dingo, or the Dairy Queen?"

"I can get it," Two-Bit piped up. "I hafta get Soda at work anyway. What do you guys all want?" Pony, Darry and Ben all put in their orders while Two-Bit wrote them down. Darry handed Two-Bit some money and he headed out.

"So, Darry," I started, "you have people working for you? Tim's guys?"

"Yeah… It was his idea actually. He came here, after he heard about those guys jumping me. I was telling him how much work I was getting, and how I was gonna need to take on some help, and he suggested I hire a few of his guys. He knows they need the work, and it'll keep them out of trouble all day, and I know he'll put the fear of God into 'em to do good work or be out of a job. I can go around and supervise a few jobs at once, instead of having to do all the work myself. Should go a lot faster and I'll be able to take on a few jobs at once, so even though I'll have to pay Shepard's guys, I'll still be making more money than if I did it alone."

"So… does this mean… I mean, are you, are _we_…"

"What? Just ask."

"Are you… in the Shepard's gang, now?" They were mixed up in all kinds of stuff our family had no business getting involved in if we wanted to stay together. I was pretty sure Darry was smart enough to avoid that sort of stuff, but…

"No. _No_, baby. It's just a business agreement. Tim knows all about our situation. You know that."

"Oh. Good." I closed my eyes, falling prey once again to exhaustion.

………….

"Hey, Scooter, I got your milkshake here. Can you wake up?" I was shocked at Two-Bit's gentle tone. I couldn't really ever remember hearing him whisper before. I opened my eyes to see the guys doling out food, which smelled so good I could hardly stand it. Soda caught me eyeing his cheeseburger.

"Soon as the doc says you're ready, we'll get you one, okay? I promise."

I took my milkshake as Two-Bit pulled the straw out of the bag, then pulled out a second. I was sure he had something in mind.

"I'm just gonna keep this in my back pocket with my blade, from now on, 'kay kid? Your throat ever closes up again and I got all the tools we need," he joked.

"Over my dead body, Two-Bit," Darry said, though he grinned.

"Well, I'd rather yours than the kid's," he retorted, and that gave us all a second of pause. Hell, if it ever happened again, who knew, maybe something like that would have to happen. I certainly prayed it wouldn't ever come to that, Two-Bit cutting my throat open.

"How about _nobody_ dies?" I suggested, softly, and there were murmurs of agreement as everybody ate their dinner. The orderly came in with jello and soup for me, and I ate a little, worried that Darry would complain if I didn't, but he seemed satisfied that I drank the whole milkshake.

It seemed silly to have everybody just hanging around while I was supposed to be resting, so Darry shooed everybody out, telling Soda to bring him in a change of clothes in the morning.

"You don't have to stay," I said, knowing all along it was an exercise in futility. He didn't even answer, just shook his head at me. He settled down in the chair, watching some sports thing on TV while I drifted off. At some point a nurse came in and took my blood pressure and temperature. Darry asked her about me and I listened, half awake.

"She's getting better. Her temp's almost down to 101, and her blood pressure is better. Her heart rate's still fast but that's a side effect of the medication."

"Okay. Thanks," he said quietly. I heard her offer to get him a blanket and a pillow but didn't hear his answer. I was so tired. I couldn't remember what it felt like to have the energy to stay awake for more than an hour at a time.

………………………..

I guess Darry must have refused the blanket and extra pillow because I woke up and turned over to see him asleep in the chair, no blanket and just the one pillow he'd already had. In the dim light of dawn, the bruises on his face looked even worse than they had the night before and I felt sad, wishing that he didn't even have to work in the first place, that he could just go to college and live the life he deserved as a normal twenty year old, not have to get bullied around for trying to make enough money to support a family that should never have been his responsibility in the first place.

He sensed me staring at him and his eyes blinked open, reading my worry.

"Hey," he said softly. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "Are you?"

He sat up.

"I'm okay Scout. Really."

I didn't respond. I was sad and terrified that he had been hurt, and at the same time relieved that it hadn't been worse, and thankful that he was okay.

He stood up and came over to sit on the bed.

"I'm gonna have to ask Dr. Bryant if you can get an anti-worry shot," he said, feeling my forehead.

"You should get one too, then," I said, sitting up.

"Maybe," he agreed. "Though it seems fair that an adult should have a few more worries than a kid," he said. "How do you feel today?"

"Okay. My chest still kinda hurts but whispering doesn't. Can I get a cheeseburger yet?"

He laughed.

"Not quite yet, no."

Soda stopped in quickly on his way to work, handing Darry a change of clothes. He went into the bathroom to wash up and change while Soda sat down in the chair.

"Feel any better?" he asked.

"A little. Think I can go home yet?"

"I don't know, baby. I'd rather they make you stay 'til you're fixed up for good than let you go home and get sick again."

"Yeah," I agreed. "I didn't think I was that sick. Just… all of a sudden everything hurt and I couldn't think."

"Yeah, I know. I'm real sorry, Scout, about having Steve drive us. I mean, I couldn't find Two-Bit, Kevin wasn't home… I even tried to get Alison, but there was nobody."

"It's okay, Soda. I knew I was safe with you."

"He coulda lost his job at the DX again – he shut down the whole station to drive us."

I wasn't sure what to make of that. It was a nice gesture, but I wasn't sure it came close to making up for what he'd done. Soda knew exactly what I was thinking.

"I'm not saying it makes up for anything… just, he's changed. I'm still mad as hell about everything too, and I ain't forgiving anything he did. But I can see, just… how he's trying."

"I don't know, Soda… I don't hate him. I'm just – I don't know – confused, I guess."

"I know," he said, rubbing my back. Darry came out of the bathroom just then, looking surprisingly refreshed after a night sleeping in a hospital chair.

"I gotta go," Soda said. "Two-Bit's coming to sit with her after nine, okay, Dar?"

"Good," Darry said, as I made a face at the thought of still having to have a babysitter, even in the hospital. "I'll give a call to the station after the doc checks in here, okay?"

"Good deal," Soda responded. "Seeya, Scout."

"Bye," I said, as he turned to go. "I love you," I added, spontaneously, remembering my regret at not saying that to Darry before the tornado.

He actually stopped short, turned, and flashed me his trademark grin.

"Love you, too. Feel better." And with that, he was out the door.

"What was that all about?" Darry asked when Soda was gone.

"Nothing. I just love my family, is that okay?"

"It's okay with me," Darry agreed. He was folding up his clothes and putting them into a bag when Dr. Bryant knocked on the door and stuck his head in.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"I should think so, you're the doctor," Darry said. I saw Dr. Bryant look critically at Darry as he came in and knew this wasn't the first time he'd seen him since he'd been attacked. I wondered how Darry had explained his appearance.

"How are the two of you doing today?" he asked, something strange in his voice.

"Okay," I answered.

"Good," Darry said, at the same time.

He didn't say anything for a minute or so, and a strange tension that I had never sensed before in his presence slowly filled the room.

"Is something wrong?" Darry asked. "Is Scout okay?"

"Well," Dr. Bryant started, "To be honest, I'm not entirely sure."

"What do you mean? What's going on?" Darry was getting more panicky than I was used to, and I could feel my own heart beating faster.

"It's just… I got a call back from the radiology lab about Scout's X-rays. They took a quick look before to confirm the pneumonia but they always go back for a second look, and they called my attention to something else."

"What?" I asked. "Do I have cancer or something?"

"No. Nothing like that."

"Then _what?_" Darry moved over to sit next to me, seeing my own panic growing. I remembered his idea about the anti-worry shot and wished I could get one right then.

"Scout's X-rays show clearly that there has been a recent break and healing in three ribs. Normally, I could corroborate this with her medical records, but there's no indication that she was treated any time recently for broken ribs. Since she's a minor, and a ward of the state, I'm mandated to investigate any undocumented prior conditions – in this case, broken bones."

Darry and I both froze, neither one of us wanting to look at each other. My secret – my secret that I thought would stay hidden from everyone who didn't already know - was coming back to haunt me.

"What happened, Scout?" he asked. "Who broke your ribs?"

That was what made me catch my breath: that he'd asked "who," not "what" had broken them. I steeled my resolve to do whatever I had to to stay with my family as he reached out, lifted up my chin, and asked me, to my face,

"Is one of your brothers hurting you, Scout?"

I swear, I felt Darry's heart skip a beat as my own nearly leapt out of my throat, wondering how on Earth I could manage to explain this away while still protecting my family, and without giving away my secret.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

**A/N: Oh, crap. Just when you think things are looking up… I appreciate all the new readers who have been clicking on the review button… Nice to know I'm not the only one reading my fics.**


	48. The Explanation

**A/N: Okay, I feel bad about all my drama lately, so I put this on the fast track... Enjoy.**

...............................................

I was sure, for a moment, that I was going to either throw up or faint, and I prayed desperately that neither would actually happen. I was totally unprepared to deal with what Dr. Bryant had just asked me, and I was sure that, no matter _what_ I said, it would be the wrong thing and I would be sent away to live in a foster home somewhere. Thankfully, as I closed my eyes and wished the entire situation away, Darry had the sense to say _something_, lest our silence be misinterpreted as some sort of confirmation that what he was asking about was, indeed, true.

"You can't be serious… None of us would _ever_ hurt her," Darry said, something akin to anger in his voice. He took my hand and squeezed it, as I tried frantically to think of what to say, fear taking over completely, to the point that I wasn't sure I'd be able to talk at all.

"I certainly hope that's the case, Darrel," Dr. Bryant answered, "but I'd like to hear an explanation from Scout, if you don't mind."

I was already starting to tear up, the panic that I wouldn't have good enough answers just about killing me. But I was afraid that crying would be a bad thing to do, as well, and I bit back my lip, willing the tears to stay away.

"He's right," I said, my voice unsteady. "My brothers didn't hurt me. _They wouldn't_. _Ever._" I wanted Darry to know that coming close, or thinking about hitting me, meant nothing. He never had. And I knew he never would.

"Well, it's clear from your reaction that _somebody_ is hurting you. So who is it?" Dr. Bryant wasn't going to back down.

I didn't answer. I had no idea what I should do. I fought to avoid crying but failed miserably, my eyes filling up and my body shaking embarrassingly with each sob. God, how I didn't want to do this. Not again.

"Look, Scout, I care about you, and I certainly don't want the state involved in this any more than you do, but I'm not releasing you from this hospital into an unsafe environment. Would this be easier for you if your brother waited outside?"

"_No!_" I cried, nearly knocking Darry over by force as I grabbed onto him. I was sure that was some sort of ploy, to get him out of the room, and I was even more sure I'd say something that would be misinterpreted if they left me alone, without anyone on my side. I needed Darry there.

"I want him to stay. I'll tell, if you let him stay." I continued crying, plastered against his chest, feeling his hand on the back of my head, pulling me close.

"It's okay, baby," he whispered. "You can tell him. _It's okay._"

"It wasn't my brothers," I said, my voice muffled against Darry's chest. I thought briefly about how I was crying all over his clean shirt.

"Then _who_, Scout? Who's hurting you?"

I turned my head to the side, freeing my mouth to speak clearly, but not looking at Dr. Bryant.

"He's not hurting me anymore," I whispered. "It was only one time."

"What happened?" Dr. Bryant asked, a softer tone to his voice now that I had owned up to at least the fact that something had, indeed, happened.

"I don't want to tell," I whispered, between sobs. "I'm scared."

Darry's hand was on my back, rubbing - trying, in vain, to calm me.

"_It's okay_," he whispered.

"Scout, if someone is scaring and hurting you, you need to tell me," the doctor continued. "I'm here to help you."

"No…" I sniffed, 'I'm not scared of _him_, I'm scared of telling you."

I grabbed onto Darry and buried my head back in his chest. I'd said that it wasn't my brothers; why couldn't he just leave it at that?

"Scout, you can trust me," he said, and he sounded sincere.

"Can she? Can _we?"_ Darry asked. "The state intervening; that's what she's scared of. That they'll take her away from us, even though none of us did anything wrong. God, we've almost lost each other so many times already - we lost our parents... Hell, she deserves a break, don't you think? It just seems like the state is always looking to make our situation look worse than it is." I could sense - and identify with - his frustration.

"That's not necessarily the case, you know, Scout," Dr. Bryant said, moving closer. "Every case is different. Something bad happening doesn't necessarily mean you get taken away."

"I want to stay with my brothers," I said, still not turning.

"Can you look at me, Scout? _Please?_" he asked gently. I hesitated, but finally turned, wiping my eyes on Darry's sleeve.

"Sorry," I whispered to him.

"Stop it," Darry answered. "It's fine."

I turned all the way around and tried to meet Dr. Bryant's eyes, but involuntarily averted mine the second they met.

"Look, I'm not the enemy… I want to help you," Dr. Bryant said, and his genuine tone made me feel bad. He hadn't ever given me any reason _not_ to trust him. "If I don't document this now, it can just come back to haunt you again another time. _Please_, let me help."

"If I tell," I started, coughing a bit from all the crying and trying to catch my breath, "if I _swear_ my brothers had nothing to do with it, will you promise you won't do anything that would make them take me away?" I asked, wiping again at the tears.

"Scout, he can't…" Darry started.

"I can try my very hardest," Dr. Bryant interrupted.

I took a deep breath, interrupted by an involuntary sob, stared straight down, and talked to the floor tiles.

"I… got attacked. In the spring."

"What happened to you?"

"It wasn't my fault. Or my brothers' either." This was the first time I had said that out loud, and almost believed it. Darry's arm tightened around my shoulder.

"How did he hurt you?"

"Just the broken ribs, and some bruises… he hit me, and… cut me." I closed my eyes again, I didn't want to talk about the rest.

"It was an attempted rape," Darry said. "He tried, but… he didn't. He wasn't ever supposed to be alone with her, and technically, he wasn't, he just… took advantage of a situation. I was up in the panhandle with Pony for the state track meet. I came home during the attack and he ran... Thank God."

I heard something like a sad sigh from Dr. Bryant.

"Look at me, Scout."

I looked up at him. He looked genuinely sad. I bit at my lip again, trying not to cry.

"Say it again," he said.

"_What?_" I barely whispered.

"That it wasn't your fault."

I couldn't.

"Say it, Scout," Darry said, softly, "I want to hear it, too."

"It wasn't my fault," I finally said, barely audible, even to myself.

"You need to believe that," Dr. Bryant asserted. "_It wasn't._ Can I ask… who?"

I shook my head no and turned my head back around to nestle into Darry's chest. I didn't want to say his name; I didn't want to talk about it anymore. Darry must have sensed it; he went back to rubbing my back, as he answered for me.

"It was… a friend of my brother's. He was messed up - on drugs. None of us ever suspected it was him, and Scout didn't tell us. She kept it to herself; said she didn't see who it was." I felt stupid, being talked about, but was so tired from the whole conversation that I didn't bother trying to explain how I'd acted. I tried to draw in a deep breath as I leaned back against Darry, but it caught in my throat, setting me off to coughing. Darry didn't let go, just let me lean against him, cough and all.

"I'm so sorry… for all of you," Dr. Bryant said.

"Thanks… it's been hard on us. Mostly her, but us too."

"I wish she'd felt she could have told someone."

"Me too… It's taken it's toll on her. It's been a long road for all of us. She was doing okay, until… _this_ was hard on her, obviously. And we definitely weren't expecting to be dealing with all this again, right now."

"Well, I'm sorry I had to bring all of this up again, for any of you, but, believe me, it could have been a lot worse if somebody else had come across those X-rays with no documentation of the injury. I'll record the breaks in her file, with the explanation that she was attacked. It's not all that rare around here. Social services won't be looking at any previous history I add in now anyway - all they know is that she's going through a rough patch with the allergic reaction and the pneumonia."

"That's good news." I felt a bit of tension draining out of Darry, and found myself hoping Soda'd be up for giving him a backrub later.

I was exhausted from the whole ordeal, and Darry must have thought I was actually asleep, because he shifted my weight and lay me back down on the bed, sitting on the edge. I was glad for it, actually – I was barely able to hold up my own head anymore, but I grabbed on tight as he tried to slide his hand away. I needed to know he was there, even in my sleep.

"You realize what happened to her was a crime, right?" Dr. Bryant said. They were talking so quietly that I could barely hear them anymore.

"I know. You saw how hard it was for her here, telling you – and she _knows_ you. We didn't want to prosecute, press charges and put her through the whole testimony… she hates court anyway, she gets worked up for weeks about it. It just would have made her an emotional mess. The guy who did it - there was no point. He's been through worse than jail anyway. And he's not allowed anywhere near her." I noticed he didn't mention that Steve had driven me to the hospital the day before, and was glad for that.

"When she got hurt, you just… let her heal? You didn't take her to a doctor?"

"Of course not.. I had our neighbor take a look at her… she works in the ER... Mrs. Cummings?"

"Oh, Karla. She's wonderful."

"Well, she's been taking care of our bumps and bruises since we were just kids. She told us there was nothing we could really do for her anyway... just rest, so we figured there was no need to get the hospitals involved. And, of course, the threat of Social Services was on all of our minds. They can turn anything around to make us look bad."

"Well, they do some good for a lot of kids, too. But I see your point. What about emotionally? Did she see anyone? talk to anyone?"

"I asked her over and over if she wanted to talk to somebody, and she insisted she didn't. She opened up to Soda, though, and that seemed to help. She really seemed to be doing a lot better, until this."

"Well, again, I apologize… but, unfortunately, it's part of the job, and not always an easy one. I've seen a lot of kids who were being abused, Darrel, and believe me, it breaks my heart. It kills me to think about what happened to Scout, but it would kill me even more to think that I was sending her back into a situation where it could happen again."

"It absolutely won't, _ever._ Believe me, it won't."

"I believe you. I know you and your brothers love her, and I can tell how bad you feel about what happened to her. I have no apprehensions about her being safe in your home."

"Thanks, Doctor, I really appreciate that."

"Anything else I can do for you?"

"No, just… thanks. For believing in us." I felt Darry's weight lift off the bed but refused to let go of his hand, so I guess he had to shake hands with Dr. Bryant with his left hand, and they laughed. Darry sat back down, and his free hand rested on my forehead.

"_Darrel?_" Dr. Bryant called back, just after the hospital room had creaked open.

"Yeah?"

"Just so you know; I never really suspected it was anyone in your family. Just a trick they teach you in medical school, to get patients to open up. A kid will almost never let someone they love take the heat for something they didn't do. I hope I didn't offend you."

"I didn't exactly love feeling accused, but I understand."

"You take good care of her; I'll be back later this afternoon."

"Thanks... I will," Darry said, and I heard the door click shut, leaving the two of us alone again. He leaned down to lay next to me and I reached out for him, wondering how he had gotten so wet, until I remembered how I'd cried all over him.

I wanted to talk, to thank him, to tell him how glad I'd been that he was there with me, but my voice failed me and the best I could manage was a pathetic moan. I just wanted to sleep - and feel as safe as I did with him right next to me - forever.

The last thing I remembered before I completely drifted off was the weight of his arm around me, grounding me, and his voice in my ear:

"_I'm proud of you, kiddo. You're a lot stronger than you think. But let me be strong for you now… you just sleep."_

And I did.

XXXXXXXXXXX

**A/N: Oh, my! A happy ending! It's an experiment to see if I still get feedback when I post a non-cliffhanger. And they all lived happily ever… um, okay, well, probably not…**


	49. The Nightmare

I didn't sleep well; I heard everything that went on in the room – the nurses coming in and out, Two-Bit coming in to sit with me, and Darry telling him quietly about what had happened, how I'd had to tell about what Steve had done. Once Darry left, I had turned away from the chair in the room, however, and every time I opened my eyes I was confronted with nothing but white wall, lacking the energy to turn to see who was in the room with me, but hoping that _somebody_ was.

Unfortunately, at the time when I _most_ needed someone to be sitting there next to me, nobody was.

……………

_I was lying in my bed, semi-sleep exerting it's strange hold over me, making me aware of what was going on, yet unable to move. I opened my eyes, slowly focusing on the figure in the chair, unable at first to make out who it was, since he was sitting perfectly still, looking out the window._

_The bright light through the windows silhouetted the figure, and, while I fully expected it to be Darry, there was just something off about him._

_I waited; in my state, I didn't have the power to speak. I watched, as slowly he came into focus, first in silhouette, and then, as he turned to face me, his face became clear._

_Steve. It was Steve there, in the chair._

"_Hey, kid. Good to see you again," he said._

_I wanted desperately to scream, but I was paralyzed._

"_Whassa matter, Scout? You scared?" He stood up and leaned over me, and I closed my eyes, wishing him away, unable to do anything else to defend myself. He leaned in toward me._

"_Don't worry, I'm right here," he said, and suddenly I felt him, there, in my bed, his weight on me and his breath in my ear – I still was paralyzed, at first, as he pinned me against the bed, but I willed every cell in my body to obey my orders to move, and to fight._

"_NO! Get off me! No!" I shoved him away and thrashed around, screaming. "Don't touch me!" I felt hands on my throat, a burning sensation, and I screamed, again and again, eventually starting to cough, kicking him away, unable to breathe due to the coughing, grabbing at my throat, feeling like I was choking._

……………………….

"Scout? _Scout!_ Wake up."

I was writhing in my sheets, trying to punch at people who weren't there. I opened my eyes and saw Dr. Bryant above me, looking concerned. I was coughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

"You're okay," he said. "You were dreaming. Calm down. Try to take deep breaths."

I couldn't stop coughing; eventually I was gagging, and felt like I was going to throw up. I threw back the covers and ran for the bathroom, glad that I was able to stand up and get there this time. Dr. Bryant started to follow me, but I shut the door behind me, kneeling and retching, dry heaving into the toilet. My body exhausted itself, but it never amounted to anything other than me spitting into the bowl. Finally, the coughing and heaving sensation stopped, and I sank back against the wall, sobbing.

"Scout?" It was Dr. Bryant.

"_Where are my brothers? You promised you wouldn't take them away from me. You promised!_" I sobbed. "_Don't come in. Leave me alone! I want my brothers."_

I heard commotion and voices.

"_Scout?_"

"_Pony_." The door opened and he was there, sitting on the floor next to me.

I never thought that an embrace from Ponyboy, who was, technically, almost as much of a kid as I was, could feel so safe, but the minute he hugged me I knew I was safe; that it had all been a dream.

"I was here, I was just down the hall, getting a soda. You're okay," he said. "You had a nightmare. Did you get sick, too?" He sounded more concerned than disgusted.

"No. Not really," I said, between sobs.

"C'mon, stand up." I let him pull me up. He led me back to my bed, Dr. Bryant and Two-Bit watching.

""You okay, kiddo?" Two-Bit asked. He had never heard me having a nightmare before, and he looked a bit unnerved. Coincidentally, Darry and Soda came to the door just as Pony was helping me back to bed, presumably just having gotten off work and showered at home, since they both looked both very clean but very tired. I was still a mess, trying to separate my dreams from reality.

"Was he here?" I asked nobody in particular. "Was Steve here? Why did you let him in?"

"_What?_" Darry asked, coming over to help Pony lift my legs over the bedrail and laying his hand on my forehead. I reached up for it and he took my hand in his.

"What the hell happened?" I heard Soda ask Pony. Pony ignored him and focused on me.

"No. _No_, Scout, he wasn't here. You were having a nightmare. You're okay," Pony said. I remembered, then, how I'd had to explain things to Dr. Bryant about Steve attacking me. I turned to face him.

"_Why did you have to make me talk about it?_" I yelled. "_I was getting better! I was doing okay!_" I coughed again and tried to calm down, not wanting to end up gagging in the bathroom again.

Dr. Bryant just stared at me. I had never raised my voice at him until this whole mess.

"I don't want to dream about it again. Why won't it just go away?" I cried.

"Scout, you're okay. We're all here," Darry said. "Dr. Bryant was just doing his job. He had to. He was trying to help."

"Well, now I have to think about it again, and I'm scared! I _hate_ this!" I cried.

"Nothing has changed," Pony said. "You're still safe. You're okay. It was just a nightmare."

"It's not _fair!_ Why can't I be strong, like all of you? Just since I'm not a _boy_? Why can't I just get over this? _Why?_ I'm tired of being sick!"

I'd meant _physically_, that I was tired of hurting and having no energy to do anything but sleep, but I realized as I said it that I was just as sick of carrying aroud the burden of having been attacked, the shame of what Steve had done to me; the fear that it would happen again. Every time I thought it was gone, just as suddenly, it was back again.

"You _are_ strong, baby. You are." Darry grabbed my hand and I remembered him whispering to me that I was stronger than I thought.

"I'm not," I whispered, not wanting to start another coughing fit. "I can't do this anymore. I just want to go home; I want everything to be normal again."

"It will, kiddo," Soda lay down next to me. "It will... eventually. I promise."

"I want Mom and Dad," I whispered, "and I know I can't have them." Darry pulled me against his chest, rubbing my back.

"I want to go home," I begged. "Please, let me go home. I'll sleep; I won't even talk. _Please_, Darry. I promise I'll stay in bed."

"It's not up to me, baby. But I got my work done; I'm not leaving here 'til you come with me," he said, leaning down, turning my head and looking me in the eyes. "You have any more bad dreams and I'll be right here. I swear."

I'd almost caught my breath, it still hitched occasionally as I responded.

"I want to go home. Being here just makes everything scarier."

"Baby, you can't come home now. You're not well enough yet."

"I'll do everything I'm supposed to, I swear. _Please._"

"Scout?" Dr. Bryant called to me, hesitantly, considering I had just laid into him, twice...

"What?" I asked. I felt a little bad about yelling but was still upset that he'd had to make me think about everything again.

"The most important thing, if you want to go home soon, is to rest. I can't let you go you home yet. You've still got a fever, and your lungs aren't clear yet. You still need things you can only get here: X-rays, IV medications. But if you do your part here and rest, you should be able to go home in not too long."

"I don't want to sleep… I don't want to have those dreams."

"I can give you something to make you sleep better, and hopefully prevent the nightmares."

I didn't think there was anything that would be able to do that, unless he could give me something to erase the whole incident from my mind.

I didn't say anything. I just wished it all away.

"You'll be okay, baby. Just a few more days. I can stay, now." Darry smoothed back my hair over my forehead again. "You're still sick, I can feel how hot you are. You're not ready to go home, yet. One of us will be here the whole time, from now on. We'll be right here if you start having a bad dream."

I just wanted to sleep and stay sleeping, dreamlessly, until I wasn't sick anymore and I had forgotten all about things with Steve. I closed my eyes and refused to listen to anything anybody else said. I was a mess of emotions: ashamed, embarrassed, sad, afraid, upset, and exhausted.

Exhausted. _Again,_ I was. It seemed to sneak up on me every time I was awake for more than a half-hour. Soda and Pony sat with me while I heard Dr. Bryant ask Darry to come out into the hallway to talk with him.

I lay there, my eyes closed, listening to Pony and Soda whisper about me, thinking I was asleep.

"Shit, it's my fault," Soda said. "I should never have made her get in the car with Steve, I just… there was nobody else."

"It ain't that, Soda. You heard what Darry said. She had to tell him… she had to talk about it again. That's why she's remembering."

"I just… I'm always gonna feel responsible, Pone," Soda said.

"No," I whispered, not bothering to open my eyes. "I never blamed you," I whispered.

"C'mon, Scout, you're supposed to be sleeping," Pony said. A nurse had come in and given me the medication to make me sleep better, but I didn't want to. I was afraid to dream again.

Just then Darry came back in the room and told Soda and Pony to go home. Both of them argued, but he pointed out that there was only room for one person and that if I did have a nightmare again, he was probably the best person to be there for me. I had to agree; I loved Pony and Soda to death, but I felt safest with Darry.

I felt them kiss me goodnight and say goodnight to Darry, then the door closed behind them and the room was shrouded in silence.

"Scout?" he asked.

"Mmm?" I wasn't asleep but it was taking all I had to fight it.

"You mind if I watch TV?"

"Uh – uh." I reached out for his hand and he took it. His other hand reached out and rested on my forehead. I opened my eyes.

"Don't fight it, baby," he said. "Rest. I'll be right here, I swear."

I vowed to stay awake, just as I finally fell asleep.

………………

**A/N: I just don't stick with my happy endings – not the first time, at least! But things are about to start looking up for Scout. ******** I promise.**


	50. The Condition

I slept soundly – forever, it seemed, but when I woke up Darry told me it had been just about a whole day. While I'd slept, my fever had broken, and the medicine to clear out my lungs had been working, too – I had to admit, it didn't hurt nearly as much to breathe, and while I was still coughing quite a bit, it wasn't even close to as painful as it had been previously.

I was allowed to eat a little bit of real food, and while I wasn't quite as up for the cheeseburger that Soda had promised as I had been when he'd mentioned it, I was able to eat a bit of chicken pie and some mashed potatoes. Soda and Pony came by, with Ben – for which I was both grateful and embarrassed, imagining how I looked – and I immediately feel asleep again the moment they left. This time I hadn't been out long when Steve once again invaded my slumber.

………….

_I had just left school, and sat down in Two-Bit's car, when I realized it was him. My heart just about stopped, then started again at a breakneck pace._

"_NO! I yelled, and kicked him away as he grabbed my arm, and I opened the car door and started running._

_I could feel my heart slamming against my chest as I ran, with all I could, toward the football field bathrooms._

_It seemed like no matter how fast I ran I never got any closer, but my legs slowed more and more with each stride, until I was barely moving at all._

"_NO!" I yelled, as I felt his hands on my shoulders, knocking me to the ground. "No!"_

…………………_.._

Suddenly, from far away, I heard Darry and Pony's voices, and realized someone was holding both of my hands. I realized I wasn't running, either; though my heart was racing. I was lying in my bed in the hospital.

"Just a dream," Darry said, as I struggled to focus on his face leaning over me. "_Not real_, Scout. It's just me and Pony. Nobody else."

"We're right here," Pony added. "Wake up. It wasn't real."

I opened my eyes, and realized that Darry and Pony each had one of my hands. I closed them again, a deep sigh escaping as I let my head fall back into the pillow.

"Are you awake?" Pony asked. "You're okay?"

I nodded. I felt stupid, for making everybody worry – for making Darry sit with me like a babysitter - for _all_ of it. I just wanted to go back to being a regular kid, sleeping through the night, worrying about stuff like homework and boys, not rapists and getting taken from my family.

"Open your eyes," Darry said. "Look at me."

I opened them but I just stared down at the bed, not wanting to look at anyone. I wanted to disappear, so nobody would have to sit around and coddle me anymore. I felt like a damned six year old.

"You're okay," Darry said.

"I know." I didn't look up. "I'm sorry about all this, it's so stupid."

"Look, Scout, we've been through this. It's not a problem. We _want_ to be here for you."

"No, it _is_ a problem. It's a _big _problem. This has to stop. I'm almost thirteen, I shouldn't need a damned babysitter."

Darry let my swear slip, but the conversation obviously wasn't over – he just wanted Pony gone for it. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a dollar, telling Pony to go get him a Pepsi, though it was clear to all three of us that Darry just wanted to talk to me alone.

"You want anything?" he asked me.

I shook my head.

I watched as Pony left and the door shut behind him.

"Just tell me," I said, breaking our silence. I figured since he'd kicked Pony out, it must be something bad. "I mean it, Darry. I can't take anything else sneaking up on me, so just tell me, whatever it is. Is something else wrong with me now?"

"No, baby. You're doing good. Dr. Bryant says if your fever stays away and you get a clear X-ray you can go home, maybe tomorrow."

That seemed to be all good news, so I couldn't help but wonder what all the secrecy was about.

"_But…?_" I knew there had to be one.

He took my hand and held it until I finally looked at him.

"Before you get upset, I just want you to think about it, okay? Don't say no right away."

I just stared, narrowing my eyes at him. I didn't like how he'd prefaced whatever it was, that was for sure.

Darry smiled, looking down at me.

"Don't laugh at me," I said. "It's not funny."

"I'm not laughing at you. It just makes me smile – you don't think you're tough, but you are. If looks could kill, sometimes, you'd be deadly."

"Look, quit beating around the bush. Just say whatever you kicked out Pony to tell me, because he'll be back any minute."

He sighed and paused for a moment before starting.

"Alright, Scout. Just… sometimes I have to do stuff I know you won't like because I know that, in the end, it's gonna be best for you. Can you understand that, at least?"

I didn't like where this was going, at all. I stared again, and this time he didn't laugh at me.

"_And…?"_ I couldn't take the anticipation.

"Dr. Bryant put a condition on your release."

"What does that mean?"

He must have sensed the fear in my voice, because he squeezed the hand he had and leaned over me, reaching under my sheets for my other hand.

"It means he's only going to let you out of the hospital if we – _you, but me, too_ – agree to certain things."

All of a sudden my paranoia took over.

"_No way_ I'm going home with anybody but you, to anywhere but our house," I said. "Don't _even _tell me you agreed to let someone else take me." I felt tears rising again and cursed myself for being such a girl.

I felt Darry tense up and he pulled his hand away from mine, lowering his head and kneading at his forehead. Just like Dad always did when he was upset.

"You _did?_" I cried.

"_God_, Scout, _No._ Do you have any idea how it makes me feel to think that you really believe I'd just pass you off to somebody, like a stray kitten or something? _Jesus Christ_, you're my sister! Give me some credit, would you? I love you! I'm not just gonna give you up, _ever_. Do you get that? Never! _Never._"

I grabbed his hand back, squeezing it.

"I'm sorry. I'm _sorry_, Darry. I'm just confused… I don't know what to think anymore. I'm scared to death every time I close my eyes about what I'll wake up to."

"I know. I didn't mean to yell."

"I didn't mean to make you feel bad, either," I admitted.

"You're coming home with me, and Pony and Soda, to our house. I would never agree to anything but that," Darry said. "So _relax_, and just listen, and know that I would never have said okay to what Dr. Bryant asked if I didn't really think that, in the end, it would be good for you."

"Okay." I bit my lip and waited.

"He wants you to talk to somebody… a professional... a therapist – about what happened to you. And I think you should, too."

I didn't answer at first. It was certainly better than sending me somewhere other than home, but I didn't _want_ to talk about it. Definitely not to a stranger.

"_Why?_ Why do I have to? You saw what happened when Dr. Bryant made me talk about it. I was getting _better_, before that." I wasn't crying, but I was toeing the line, for sure.

"You _weren't_, baby. You were just burying it, and as soon as something made you remember it again you were scared, and hurting again. You can't just keep burying it, because it will always be there, waiting to come back and haunt you again. You have to deal with it."

I didn't answer. I wanted to go home so badly that I was willing to agree to just about anything, but, still, I was guarding so closely everything that had happened to me, not wanting to talk about it - not wanting to admit it was real, and scary, and terrible - that I was terrified to say yes.

I felt the tears come again and just gave in.

"I know you don't want to," he said. "but I'm _worried_, for you, that if you don't deal with this now it's just gonna stay with you forever, and you don't deserve that." He pulled me up from the bed, hugging me. "You never deserved any of this. I always wanted you to talk to somebody, but I'm no expert on what you need… but Dr. Bryant, well, he _is_ – and he thinks you need to, too."

"What if I don't want to talk about it? What if I _can't_?" I asked.

"She can't _make_ you, baby. But I think you need to. You deserve to, to get rid of it, all that's scaring you, and _hurting_ you… I can go with you, or Soda… anybody you want, or you can go alone."

I didn't respond. I had no answer for that. I didn't know what I wanted.

"He wants Soda to talk to somebody, too."

I looked up at him, surprised.

"He said yes?"

"He agreed. He wants you home, and okay. And Sandy, too. He's hurting, too, baby. He blames himself for all of it. He wants everybody well again. Same as me. And Dr. Bryant; he cares, too. He could have just let you go home. But he wants you well_, really_ well."

I leaned into him, letting go of his hands and pulling him tight against me. He wrapped his hands around me, too, whispering in my ear.

"I just love you, Scout," he said. "I want you well."

"I love you too," I said, pulling back to look him in the eyes. I saw how much he loved me, right then.

"Okay… I'll do it," I said, setting my jaw, wiping my eyes and fighting back my tears.

"Good girl," he said, pulling me back against him. "Lucky me; I got the toughest sister in the whole world." He lay me back gently against my pillow.

I heard him; all that was left was for me to believe it.

.........................

**A/N: Short, I know, but... sweet? Time to get the Curtis family the healing they need. Things are looking up.**


	51. The Surprise

A while later, as I lay talking to Darry, Dr. Bryant came in and asked if it would be okay if he talked to me alone for a few minutes. Darry said it would be fine, asking me if I wanted anything from the cafeteria. I asked for a Dingo cheeseburger and he laughed.

"Soon enough," he said. "I'll surprise you with something." My appetite had started to come back with a vengeance, and I was hoping to get the all-clear to go back to regular food. My throat felt a million times better after all the sleep.

Dr. Bryant sat down in the chair and there was silence for a minute or so after Darry left.

"So…" he finally started, "I assume your brother told you about the therapy?"

"Yeah," I answered.

"I really struggled with requiring that of you, Scout, but, in the end, I could see that your brothers are suffering just as much as you because of what happened."

I looked up at him questioningly, not sure what he meant.

"You probably can't see it," he said, "but I'm an older brother, too, and my sister's only a few years older than you, and I know how I would feel… Darry's hurting, too, because he doesn't have the tools he needs to help you get through this, and he wants to be everything for you. It's killing him, to see you hurting."

I was shocked. I hated the thought that I might be part of what had made Darry feel inadequate. He _was_ everything to me.

"You need to talk to somebody else – somebody you're not trying to protect from knowing what you went through."

I was pretty surprised at Dr. Bryant's insight – he was exactly right. I _didn't_ want Darry or Soda or Pony to know how bad it had really been. Even when I'd talked to Soda, I'd kept the worst parts to myself.

"I didn't know… I wouldn't hurt him; never on purpose. I hate it when he feels like he's not good enough," I said.

"I know. You and Darry clearly have a great relationship, and that figured into my decision. I want your relationship to stay great, not be strained by this."

"I guess I never thought about how it was affecting my brothers so much."

"I know. I'm sure it's hard to see it from your perspective."

"Thanks. I mean… for seeing that."

"You're welcome. So, actually, I wanted to talk to you about something else, though."

"Okay…" I wasn't sure what more there was, though I was praying he wouldn't tell me something else was wrong.

"How do you feel about me being your doctor?"

That caught me totally off guard.

"I… uh… I mean, you saved my life. I think you're the best doctor _ever._"

He smiled.

"Well, thanks, but… you never really picked me to be your doctor. And, well, with you working for Mike and Barbara, and friendly with Linda and me, too, I just want to make sure that you're not uncomfortable talking to me about what's going on with you… with your body."

Suddenly I thought I got what he meant. I had started my period again the day before and had asked to talk to a nurse alone about getting what I needed, not really wanting to bring it up to Darry.

"Oh... I was kinda embarrassed, I mean… I'm the only girl. I try not to make my brothers have to deal with that stuff."

"I know. And your brother is worried about that; he wants to make sure you have somebody you can talk to. And so do I. So, my question is, do you think, if I take you on as an actual patient – which your brother asked me to do – that you can be honest with me about that sort of thing?"

I thought about it. It was true, Dr. Bryant was my friend, but even more than that, I trusted him as a doctor. I didn't feel embarrassed talking about things with him; I trusted him.

"No, I want you to be my doctor. I trust you."

He smiled again.

"I'm glad."

"And you know me, you get it, I mean, my situation, with my brothers. And now you know about... what happened to me."

"I do. And that's all confidential."

"So… now that you're my official doctor, when can I go home?"

"Well, let's not rush things. A few more tests, then we'll see, okay? I feel pretty bad about letting you go home last time and you getting sick right after."

"That wasn't your fault."

"Well, my new motto with Scout Curtis is: Better safe than Sorry."

"Okay, I guess," I said.

Just then the door opened, and Darry came in with a fudgesicle for me.

"Hey, Dr. Bryant?" I asked, as Darry opened the wrapper and handed it to me.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sure you're a good big brother to your sister, but, just so you know, I have the best big brothers in the world."

Darry smiled, and I hoped he believed it, because I truly did.

……………...........................

"You all set?" Darry asked, and I had to laugh. Lord knows, I was more than ready to go home. They'd made me stay an extra day after all my tests came back okay, just to be sure I wasn't going to relapse, and it was late afternoon before I was finally released. I actually felt good; they'd let me shower, finally; I was allowed to talk again and was driving Darry a little bit crazy, talking his ear off.

"Scout, I swear, let's just get home and then we can worry about all this stuff, okay?" I wanted to know when I could go back babysitting, when I could start playing basketball again, and when somebody was going to get me my cheeseburger.

"Okay," I said. I settled back into the seat and closed my eyes. I was so glad to be finally going home and not feeling sick anymore.

We pulled up at the house and I was surprised to see that somebody had been taking care of my plants. The flowers were doing well and the tomato plants Linda had given me were starting to grow a lot – somebody had even staked them up. I looked at Darry.

"Ben did it for you. He wanted to come see you way more than his mom let him; she knew you needed to rest."

I missed Ben something awful.

I walked up to the front porch, surprised that Pony wasn't sitting outside. He usually spent every nice day out on the porch reading. I was even more surprised that our front door was closed. On nice days the door always stayed open, with just the screen closed.

I looked back at Darry, carrying my bag, and he shrugged.

I opened the door and was met with the last thing in the world I expected.

"Welcome Home!!!" Suddenly I was surrounded by friends, brothers, my coach, everyone. Soda picked me up and swung me around, sitting me on the couch. I looked around, amazed at all the faces staring back at me.

"Oh my God," I laughed. "Thanks! This is crazy!"

"We're a crazy bunch, you mean to tell me you didn't already know that?" Two-Bit laughed. "And we all like a good party."

"We're just glad you're back, and _healthy_," Mrs. Cummings said. "Welcome home, honey."

I had to smile. Ben sat next to me and gave me a hug, whispering in my ear.

"I missed you." He sneaked a kiss on my neck which sent a shiver through my whole body.

Anna and Alison were there, with their Dad, and they had brought what had to be a dozen pizzas, as well as a huge salad and some pasta. Anna cornered me at one point, alone.

"Oh my God, Scout… I was so worried for you." She hugged me, and I wondered if she knew that, despite the fact that she hadn't been in any danger of imminent death, I had, at one point, been just as much worried for her. "I'm so glad you're okay. Dad wouldn't let me come visit you in the hospital; he was afraid I'd be in the way."

"That's okay. Thanks."

"Darry called Ali, every night."

That was interesting news. I wondered how she'd felt about him getting beat up. I was interested in how she felt about his deal with Tim Shepard.

"What does she think about his new work agreement?" I asked.

"She's worried about him, but she likes that there are lots of other guys looking out for him."

"Tim's a good guy," I said. Anna hadn't met him, but she knew of him, from me. "He'll look out for Darry."

"I hope so, 'cause I think Ali's in love with him," Alison whispered, motioning to the two of them across the room.

I didn't want to answer for Darry, though I knew he was pretty hung up on her, too. I was looking around at all the food – wondering where it all came from – in addition to the stuff from Angelo's there was a whole ton of other food, that I guessed people must have brought, since it was all in bowls and casserole dishes, when Darry came over to whisk me away. He pulled me into my bedroom.

"Are you okay? You up for this? It was Ben and Anna's idea, they were so glad to have you coming home, they wanted to celebrate."

"I'm okay," I said. "Just a little overwhelmed."

"Okay, well, you get too tired and you just tell me, okay, and the party's over."

"Okay."

We went back out and I sat back down on the couch. Everyone I could imagine came to sit with me: Anna and Ben, Two-Bit, Kevin, Mrs. Cummings, Alison and her Dad, My coach and his wife, with Laura, Two-Bit's sister Katie, even Dr. Bryant and Linda came by. I'd gotten the all clear to eat real food and the pizza tasted like heaven, after eating hospital food for so long. Eventually, I did get pretty tired, and I lay back against the arm of the couch. Most people had already left, and I could her my brothers talking and laughing out on the porch, when suddenly Ben was there with me.

"Sleepy, huh?" he asked.

"Mmmmm." I pulled him down against me and kissed him on the cheek. He rested his head against my shoulder, his breathing tickling my neck.

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for the party."

"Aww… You deserved it. You never deserved any of all the crap that happened to you." I knew he meant more than just getting the spider bites and getting sick – he meant _all _of it - losing my parents, getting lost in the woods, what happened with Steve – everything, all happening in less than a year. Thinking about it myself, how I was still - for the most part – _okay_, I started to believe that maybe what Darry had said about me was a little bit true. Maybe I _was_ strong. I sure had been through a lot.

"Still… thanks. What time is it?"

"Nine-thirty."

"Oh. I think I better go to bed. I'm exhausted, and the last thing I want is to get sick again."

"Me neither… want me to get Darry?"

"No…" I heard him laughing outside, something I wished I heard more often. "He's having fun… just leave him." I went to brush my teeth and Ben was still sitting there when I came back out.

"Want me to tuck you in?" he asked, with a smile that just about melted me.

"Okay, just let me get changed." I went into my bedroom and changed into my pajamas, slipping between the covers, having forgotten how good it felt to sleep in my own bed. A moment later there was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I said. "You better leave the door open." I didn't think Darry would yell at me about anything, after what I'd just gone through, but he did tend to err on the side of caution when it came to me and Ben.

Ben came over and sat on my bed, pushing my hair back out of my face.

"I'm glad you're home."

"Me too. Will you stay here 'til I fall asleep?" It just felt nice, having him there.

"Okay. He lay back on top of the sheets. Still rubbing my hair, he threw his other arm loosely over me. I closed my eyes and must have fallen asleep almost immediately. I was jolted awake by a voice.

"_Ben?_" Darry was there, in the doorway.

"I was just laying with her, Dar. I swear."

"Yeah, I can see that. Time to go home." I felt Ben's arm retract and I grabbed at it.

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"I felt him lean back in to me.

"Thanks. I missed you, too," I whispered.

I felt him kiss my forehead and then my lips; just as I moved to kiss him back, he pulled away.

"Night, Scout," he whispered, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ben…" I called.

"Ben's gotta go, baby," Darry said. "Bedtime, okay? For real." I heard Darry say goodnight to Ben and then the front door slamming as he left.

"We weren't doing anything. I just wanted him to stay 'til I fell asleep."

"I know. You're not in trouble. It's just late. You want me to sleep in here tonight?"

I thought about it. The whole point of us moving around was so he wouldn't have to. I felt too tired to dream anything, anyway.

"No… I'm okay."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, well, you know where I am if you need me."

"Yeah."

"Goodnight." Just as Darry was about to close the door, Pony and Soda appeared behind him.

"Night, Scout," Pony said. "It's good to have you home."

"Sleep tight," Soda added.

"Night guys," I said, as Darry closed the door.

It was good to be home.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N: Thanks, everyone, for so faithfully reviewing my chapters. It makes it a lot easier to find the motivation to write when I feel like I have such a dedicated audience. For those of you who started reading "Hedging Your Bets" back in February, I finally updated that one. Soda just doesn't let me write him as easily as Scout…**


	52. The Creature

I slept like a rock, I assumed due to the medication that Dr. Bryant had given me to prevent the nightmares. I woke briefly to Darry's hand on my forehead, checking to make sure I wasn't running a fever, and then saying goodbye as he headed off to work with Soda, telling me Pony would be around to stay with me. I nodded and fell immediately back asleep.

The next time I woke up, I felt more refreshed and awake than I had since before the whole tornado incident. I looked at the clock and was surprised to see it was almost eleven. I remembered Darry and Soda were both at work, and Ponyboy would never wake me up unless he had to – he liked to sleep late just as much as I did.

I grabbed some clean clothes and headed down to the shower. I stayed in there forever, it seemed – the steam felt soothing to my lungs after all my coughing. I was still coughing a little, but nothing like when I had first gotten sick. I guess I worried Pony by staying in there so long, though, because he startled me by knocking at the door. I jumped and knocked all the shampoo bottles to the floor.

"Scout? You okay in there?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'll be right out."

"No hurry, I was just checking. You really _are_ turning into a teenager, huh? Hogging the shower and all," he joked.

"Haha, you're hilarious. I'm just washing off a week's worth of being sick," I called back.

"Okay, well… don't hurt yourself," he said, laughing.

I finished up and got dressed, feeling fully human for the first time in a week. It's funny how you don't realize how good you feel when you're well until you can compare it to how completely crappy you feel when you're sick. I was glad Darry wasn't home; he'd probably make me stay in bed all day even though I felt good. I wasn't planning to run any marathons or anything, but I was looking forward to getting back to living.

I looked around for Pony and finally found him out on the porch, reading. He smiled and put his book down when he saw me.

"Hey," he said. "How you feelin' today."

"Good. Really good. Don't even tell me Darry left orders for me to stay in bed or something."

"No, just to take it easy, and to make sure you ate lunch. You hungry? There's a ton of food left over from the party."

I _was_ sort of hungry. I must have looked it, because he laughed.

"Yeah, me too," he said. "You stay here, I'll grab some stuff." He went inside and in a few minutes was back with leftover pizza and macaroni salad, as well as a Pepsi for each of us.

"You leave some pizza for Soda?" I asked. I knew Soda would be mad if we ate it all without leaving him some. Cold pizza was one of his favorite leftovers.

"Are you kidding me? There are still two whole pizzas left in there!"

"Why did you guys order so many?"

"We _didn't_. Mr. Harvey just brought them, for free. He brought all that salad, too. Everybody else brought all the food – we didn't pay for a thing."

I was surprised. First, that Darry would allow such blatant generosity without letting it hurt his pride, and second, that so many people cared enough about me to want to be so generous. Pony must have sensed what I was thinking.

"It's good to have you home, Scout. Everybody really missed you. Things just don't feel right around here with one of us missing."

"Yeah," I agreed. "I know what you mean." I thought of the night Darry and Pony had gone to his track meet, and how the house had felt empty with just me and Soda, and felt bad again for the way Pony and I had taken off to the church, leaving Darry and Soda to worry.

"Well, if I have any say in it, I don't plan on goin' anywhere again for a long time," I said.

"Amen to that," Pony said. "They're gonna name a wing at the hospital after our family, we keep endin' up in there," he joked.

I laughed. It sure would be nice to stay away from the place for a while.

"What's so funny over here?" Ben's voice broke into our laughter as he came around the corner of the house. He sat down on the steps next to me.

"You guys having a party without me?" he asked, pretending to be hurt.

"We wouldn't have had a party in the first place, if it weren't for you and Anna," Pony said. I was happy to hear him giving Ben some credit – the two of them didn't always get along all that well. There was never any outright hostility, but I had a feeling that Pony was always a bit wary of the closeness Ben and I shared. I think as Pony and I had come to understand each other a little better, he had started to trust and accept Ben a little more, though.

"You allowed to come out and play?" Ben joked.

"Yeah, as long as I stick around here. Is your Mom home?" I didn't want to break Darry's rule again, after everything that had happened last time when he was upset with me.

"No, but we can just hang out out here," he suggested, grabbing a piece of our pizza. "Pony can chaperone us," he laughed.

"Knock it off, you two," Pony said. "I ain't chaperoning anything. Just don't do anything to get Darry upset. He's in a good mood now that Scout's home and he's got all these new jobs."

I was glad for all the work Darry was getting, but I was still pretty wary of his association with Tim. That was something I was planning on talking to him about a little more. The shock of seeing him beaten up in the hospital had stuck with me.

"So, c'mon, you wanna play catch?" Ben asked, pulling me up. "You wanna play too, Pony?" he added.

"No, I'm in the middle of a book," he said. "You take it easy on her, though, Darry'll blow his top if she gets hurt.

"I'll take care of her," Ben assured him, pulling me around the corner of the house and giving me a quick kiss.

We tossed the football around for a while until we both got bored and sat down on some of the cinderblocks that I had moved over to the side of the yard when I'd cleaned up. We leaned back against the fence, enjoying the rare summer breeze.

"Scout?" he said.

"Yeah?" I didn't open my eyes. It felt so good to feel the sun on my face, and just to be home.

"I just wanted to say, I'm real glad you're okay. I mean, when I think about what could have happened… I don't know what I would have done."

I opened my eyes and looked over at him.

"I'm not gonna lie… it _was_ scary. I really thought I was gonna die."

He traced the scar on my neck where Dr. Bryant had cut me open.

"I'm glad he was there," he said. "And I'm sorry you got sick again, after. I wanted to come see you but my Mom told me to stay away so you could rest. I guess she thought I'd get you too excited," he joked.

I punched him lightly in the gut, though I was laughing, too.

"It's okay. I pretty much slept the whole time anyway." I thought for a minute, then added, "Dr. Bryant is making me go to a therapist… to talk about what happened, with Steve. I had to tell him about it 'cause of my broken ribs."

Ben was quiet for a minute.

"I hope it helps you, I mean.. talking to somebody."

"I guess we'll see," I said, leaning against him. We just sat there for a while, enjoying the sunshine which, for once, was not accompanied by unbearable humidity.

Suddenly I noticed that my flowers weren't looking as good as they had been the day before. I looked around for the watering can, and guessed it must be in the shed. There was no way on Earth I was going in there, I knew, now that I had a real reason to fear the spiders.

"Hey, can you get the watering can out of the shed for me?" I asked Ben. "I don't think I should be going in there."

"I don't think so either," he added. "You stay here." He got up and walked over to the shed, just starting to open the door but immediately jumping back as there was a loud crash from inside.

"What was _that?_"

"I don't know," he said, coming back over toward me, "but I think there's something in there." He stood in front of me as there was another small crash from inside. I jumped.

"Is it a person?" I whispered, imagining a crazy murderer about to jump out at us. I grabbed onto Ben's waist and cowered behind him.

There was slight movement as something pushed the door open, and I could feel him tense up as we both held our breath.

What happened next caused us both to burst out into laughter. Out of the depths of the shed crawled a tiny orange kitten.

"_Aw!_" I cried and immediately ran over to it. It hissed a good show, but after I picked it up it nestled against me and even started purring.

Ben looked a bit sheepish for having been so scared.

"Aw, c'mon," I said, holding the kitten up for him to pet. "You didn't know what it was in there. For all you knew you could have had to protect me from an alligator or a skunk or… a murderer, or something!"

Ben laughed.

"A _murderer?_ In your shed?"

"Well, _maybe_," I insisted, turning my attention back to the kitten. "It must be scared, and starving. Here, you hold it while I go get it some milk." I passed it to Ben, who held it at an arm's length like it was a poisonous snake or something.

"Ben, it's a kitten. It's not gonna hurt you."

"I never held a cat before," he said, pulling it in a little closer.

"I'll be right back," I said, running into the kitchen and getting a bowl of milk. Pony followed after me, since I didn't tell him what I was doing with a bowl of milk. By the time I got back, the kitten was purring happily against Ben's chest.

"Oh, no _way_, Scout. Darry'll have a stroke."

"What am I supposed to do, Pony? Let it starve? It's just a baby. It was hiding in the shed."

"It _is_ pretty cute," Ben admitted. I put the bowl of milk down and as he set down the kitten it lapped ravenously at the milk.

"Darry doesn't _do_ cute," Pony said, though I could see him looking at the kitten with interest.

"Yeah he does. He likes Alison, doesn't he? She's cute."

"Yeah, well he doesn't have to feed Alison."

"Oh, c'mon, Pony. It's little. How much can it really eat?"

"Don't even start getting attached," Pony said. "I'm telling you, there's no way he's gonna let you keep it."

But looking into that little face, as it washed up with its tiny paws after finishing off the milk, I knew that, _somehow_, I'd make it mine.

I already had a plan – one to sell Darry on the Curtis family getting a cat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

**A/N: I apologize for the time between updates. Real life has cut into my fanfiction time. I hope I am not losing readers due to that – lots more to come in Scout's story. Thanks for reviewing!**


	53. The Convincing

Despite his total insistence that Darry wasn't gonna let us keep the kitten, Pony seemed just as fascinated by it as I was. He crumpled up a cigarette pack and tossed it for it to chase, and we all watched, laughing hysterically as it tumbled around the yard, batting it ahead and then tripping over itself to pounce on it. By the time Darry's truck pulled up, we had moved it up to the porch to play and, after an hour or so of stalking bugs and tugging at our shoelaces, it had jumped up on the couch and turned into a fluffy, sleeping ball of orange.

Pony and Ben both looked at me when he drove up – they needn't have worried, I knew it was my problem. I was probably the most likely to be able to convince him, anyway. Pony and Darry were getting along better but also knew full well how to push each other's buttons. The last think I needed was them getting into an argument about it.

I got up and walked out to the truck, seeing that he had groceries in the back. I took a bag as he lifted it out, trying to butter him up without being terribly obvious.

"How was work?" I asked.

"The usual," Darry responded. "Okay." He wasn't usually real talkative about work. "How are you feelin'?"

"Good. Really good."

"That's good. You eat lunch?"

"Yup. And don't worry, Soda, we saved you some pizza."

"I should _hope_ so, considering how much was left over," he laughed.

I tried to slow Darry's progress toward the porch to buy some time, but he kept trying to go around me. Finally, as we reached the porch, I put my hand across the opening at the top of the stairs.

"Wait a minute, okay Dar? I need to tell you something."

"What, Scout? C'mon, I have groceries here."

He looked at Ben and Ponyboy, who were clearly looking on with great anticipation and back at me, standing there looking nervous, and assumed the worst.

"Alright, cut it out … Just tell me," he said. "What happened in there that I don't want to see? Did you guys flood the kitchen again?" That had happened once before, though it had been Soda who'd done it, not me or Pony.

"No. _Relax_, Darry, it's nothing bad. Just… I found something today, in the shed."

"You went into the _shed?_ Jesus, Scout, use your head. You know there are spiders in there. You wouldn't go in there before, and that's before you even knew you were allergic."

"No, _I_ didn't go in. I sent Ben in to get the watering can and well, something just walked right out."

"_What?_ Just tell me what you are trying to say, okay? I got stuff here that needs to be refrigerated."

I put my arm down, walked up onto the porch and pointed at the kitten, fast asleep. It chose the perfect time to yawn and stretch.

"_Aw!_" Soda cried, and Darry glared at him.

"We're not keepin' it," Darry said, taking a moment to give it a once-over, then heading through the door into the house. I chased after him with my bag of groceries.

"Darry, it's just a kitten. What am I supposed to do, just ignore it? Let it starve?"

"You know what Mom and Dad said about pets. They're a lot of work." He started putting away groceries. I pulled a chair out from the table and climbed on it, putting stuff away in the top cabinets.

"Yeah, well, Mom and Dad aren't here. You used to be on our side, anyway. I remember the whole presentation you gave them that time about why we should get one of the puppies from the Five and Dime pet department."

He turned to look at me.

"I was thirteen, or something, then… I can't believe you remember that."

"Well, I do. You wanted a pet as much as the rest of us. And this one just came to us, it's not like we had to pay for it or something."

"It's not the cost of getting a pet that's bad, baby, it's feeding it for its lifetime, getting it's shots, getting it fixed so it doesn't have a million babies..."

I hadn't even thought to look if it was a boy or a girl.

"What if it's a boy?" I asked. "And I'll pay for the food with my babysitting money. And I'll eat less so you don't have to spend as much on my food."

Darry looked at me like I was nuts.

"It's just another expense we don't need," he said. "You must be able to understand that. We're on a budget, Scout."

"It will catch the mice," I said.

"_What_ mice? We don't have mice."

"Yeah, we do."

"What are you talking about? I've never seen a mouse in here."

"Yeah? Well that's because you didn't spend a month sleeping on the kitchen floor outside your door. Look…." I jumped off the chair, grabbed the refrigerator and tried to pull it out.

"What are you doing?"

"Just help me, okay?" I stared up at him, and he easily pulled the refrigerator away from the wall.

"See?" I said. The floor underneath was littered with seeds and mouse droppings and there was a hole chewed in the floor molding.

"Scout!" he looked at me, horrified. "You _knew_ about this? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you would trap them, and they kept me company. They weren't hurting anything. I thought they were kinda cute, actually. But I'd rather have a cat."

He just shook his head at me, grabbing the broom and sweeping up the mess.

"They go under the stove too," I said. He looked up at me and shook his head again.

"I don't get how you can be so scared of spiders and not mind mice," he said, and I shrugged. I didn't know either. I put the groceries away while he found steel wool under the sink and stuffed it into the hole.

"What does that do?" I asked.

"They don't like the feel of it so it keeps them away," he said.

"Oh." I kinda hoped they would stay out – as much as I wanted the kitten to stay, I felt bad about sacrificing the mice.

Darry pushed back the refrigerator and pulled out the stove and cleaned under it while I watched. I grabbed the dustpan and helped him sweep it up. After he pushed back the stove he looked down at me, his arms crossed against his chest.

"Please, Darry? Can we just try it? It's not like having a dog… mean, cats clean themselves, they don't hafta go for walks… and they hunt mice."

"It's gonna mess up your garden," he said. I saw the door open, a tiny bit, almost like he himself was grasping at reasons we couldn't keep it.

"I'll learn to deal with it. Come on, Darry, look at all the bad stuff that's happened to me this year – finally something good happened. I mean, the way things have been going, I was expecting a murderer to be in the shed, but it turns out it was a kitten. Maybe that's a sign that things are finally gonna get better around here."

He looked at me skeptically, then laughed.

"A murderer? In the shed?"

"I don't know why everybody sees that as so unlikely," I muttered. "C'mere," I dragged him back out to the porch, where Soda was down on his knees petting the kitten, who was still curled up on the couch. He was talking to it like he had the horses at the rodeo. I guess that was his "animal voice."

"You _are_ a sweet little guy. Tough, too, but pretty cute." Pony was watching him, amused.

"Is it a boy?" Darry asked.

Soda picked it up and took a good look at him from below, just the way he'd look at a car's undercarriage, it seemed.

"It's either a boy, or it's a girl who's got some extra equipment," he decided. I was glad; I knew Darry'd be more likely to accept a male, so there'd be no worry of kittens – or at least the kittens would be somebody else's problem. Typical guy, I thought.

Just then Two-Bit drove up. We hadn't seen as much of him since he'd gotten his cast off and been able to drive again, and he still had that secret girlfriend none of us had yet had the occasion to meet.

"Hey y'all," he greeted us, walking right through the door and calling out a minute later:

"Nobody minds if I have the last Pepsi, do they?"

Pony was off like a shot through the door after him, and we heard the ensuing ruckus as they wrestled over the Pepsi in the living room. Furniture was banged around and, surprisingly, it was Pony who came out with the Pepsi in his hand.

"You want Pepsi, you get your own," he scowled over his shoulder, trying to hide a smile.

Two-Bit came out the door behind him, a crazy grin on his face, which got even crazier when he saw the kitten in Soda's hands.

"Who's this?" he asked. "Long lost Curtis? Way better lookin' than any of y'all though!" He laughed at his own joke.

"I found him in the shed," I said. "Darry doesn't think we should keep him." Two-Bit reached out to pet him and he hissed.

"Oh. Look at that! He's a little Greaser cat!" Two-Bit said. "He's a little Dallas, come back to visit us."

I was surprised that Pony laughed. It was still sad, to think about Dallas, but I guess we were at the point where we could laugh about it sometimes, too, remembering him. Imagining him as an ornery cat was honestly not that far off.

"C'mon Darry, you can't refuse this little Dally-cat your couch, now."

Ooh. Two-Bit was helping my cause even more than he knew. The thought of us turning anybody away from our couch just seemed wrong. Granted, it was a kitten we were talking about, but still…

I took the kitten from Soda and was about to bring it over to make Darry pet it – it had a face I couldn't imagine him being able to say no to, but suddenly it jumped down from my hands and ran up to the screen door, scratching at it and meowing. I hadn't heard a peep out of it up to that point – all of a sudden it was crying out with urgency to get inside the house.

"See, Dar? It wants to live here," Two-Bit said. Everyone laughed.

"Go ahead, let it in, Scout, before it ruins the screen. Obviously you're gonna make me let it stay tonight, at least," Darry said, and I felt a tinge of the thrill of victory. That was short lived, though, as I opened the door to find that, as a result of Two-Bit and Pony's wrestling match, the lamp had tipped over against the curtains, which, in contact with the lightbulb, had caught on fire. The entire left side of the curtains was in flames, and the fire was quickly climbing across to the right side.

"_Oh My God!_" I yelled, "_There's a fire!_" Darry burst in, followed by the others. In an instant, Darry ripped the curtain rod out of the wall by the right side and ran outside with it, throwing the whole thing out into the yard. Soda came running out of the kitchen with the mop bucket full of water, which Darry dumped over the wall around the windows. I saw Two-Bit hosing down the curtains in the front yard.

Finally, the danger had passed, and we all just stood there, breathing heavy and wide-eyed.

"Holy shit… that was close," Soda said, notably upset.

"You oughta name that cat Lassie," Two-Bit quipped as he came back inside. "That thing's got a nose for danger."

"You gotta admit, that cat just saved our house, Darry," Pony said. "If that fire'd got into the walls, we'd have been done for."

I just stood in shock. My house had just almost burned down. The kitten rubbed against my feet, silent again. I reached down and picked it up. It closed its eyes and nestled against me, purring. I looked up at Darry. He looked both relieved and disbelieving. He looked down at the kitten, then back up at me.

"Alright, Scout, you win. You can keep it, for now."

The cat, as it turned out, had come to stay.

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**A/N: Even though it's a boy cat, I know, it should still get fixed. But, back in the day it didn't always happen. Thanks for your reviews and also to those of you have reviewed the first two chapters of "Seven Deadly Sins." I appreciate it.**


	54. The Naming

After the near-disaster of the fire, we all were completely energized, including the kitten. After a good talking-to from Darry about the fact that it was he and Two-Bit who had nearly made us all homeless, Ponyboy went into the kitchen to start on dinner. He didn't bother arguing - he knew Darry was right, if the cat hadn't made me open the door the fire would have been well out of our control before we discovered it and we all would have been homeless. Two-Bit had no wise comebacks either. While Pony cooked, the rest of us sat around in the living room watching the new pet attack and chase everything with which he came into contact. He would disappear under furniture and reappear with newfound treasure - a bottlecap, a hair elastic, a penny.

"This cat certainly won't need us to be spendin' any money on pet toys," Soda joked.

"Yeah, and he's free entertainment, to boot!" Two-Bit joked, picking up the hair elastic and shooting it across the room. The kitten chased it, skidding to a halt against the wall and pouncing on it.

"I thought cats were supposed to be _lazy_," Darry said, looking a little bit fascinated.

"So what are we gonna call him?" Soda asked, still watching as he attached a string hanging from the couch. "He has to have a name."

"Yeah, and y'all can't give him some wussy name like Fluffy or something. He's a greaser cat, he needs a _tuff_ name." Two-Bit seemed to be dead serious about the importance of him having a worthy name.

"Well, he ain't gettin' a person name either. I hate it when people name their pets with people names," Darry added. "They're _animals_. Ain't no giraffe named Bob or a Tiger named Gary. They get animal names. It's so stupid to give them human names."

"Kinda like when people name their kids after soft drinks?" Soda joked, teasing Darry and catching him in what he knew was a Catch-22.

"Yeah, kinda," Darry laughed, though we all knew they both were kidding. Soda and Pony's names were perfect for them – there was no way I could picture them as "Scott" or "Peter" or something. They were so very clearly a Sodapop and a Ponyboy.

"Well," since he's orange, maybe we should name him after something orange," I suggested.

"Oranges are orange," Two-Bit said.

"We're _not_ naming him Orange," I interrupted.

"Pumpkin?" Soda suggested.

I laughed.

"You think _Pumpkin_'s a tuff name, Soda?" Darry said.

"Carrot? Squash? Velveeta? Lava?" Two-Bit was naming everything he could think of that was orange.

"_Velveeta?_" Pony was choking with laughter.

"Tangerine?" Two-Bit continued.

"Hey, wait. Tangerine… isn't that where the name for Tang comes from?" I kind of liked the sound of that. And we all drank Tang like fiends.

"Tang…_Tang Curtis_…" Soda thought about it. "That's kinda tuff."

"Yeah, and Tang… they sent that stuff up with the astronauts. There ain't nothin' wussy about _that_," Two-Bit added. "Hell, I wouldn't have taken even a million bucks to get shot off into space like those Apollo guys. That's _crazy_!"

I agreed. I thought the whole idea of trying to send a man to the moon was just plain nuts.

"Tang Curtis… I can live with that," Darry said.

And so it was that our little lost kitten became known as Tang.

As was the case with most of us, though, within hours he had a million nicknames of his own. Soda and Pony had already converted "Tang" to "Fang," and it's natural extension – Count Dracula, and, after dinner, as Two-Bit headed out, he bade farewell to "Captain Tangeroo." Darry, always the minimalist, stuck to the simple and straightforward "Cat," and I had molded Tang into the slightly more feminine "Tangy."

Darry had dishes duty, so he stayed in the kitchen while the rest of us sat in the living room after dinner playing with the newest Curtis. Since we didn't have any cat food yet, Darry had reluctantly agreed to let me feed the cat a can of tuna, but "only because he kept the house from burning down," he had grumbled.

We were watching the kitten stalking and then attacking the shoelaces on Darry's workboots when the phone rang. Ponyboy grabbed it.

"Hello? Oh, hi Mr. Karis. Yeah, Scout's right here." Pony handed me the phone.

"Hi Coach."

"Hey, Scout. How's it feel to finally be home and healthy?" he asked.

"Great. I think Darry will let me come back babysitting on Monday."

"Well, that's great, but I wasn't actually calling about that. I just wanted to invite you and your brothers to our Fourth of July cookout. I know he's doing work for a lot of the families around here, since the storm, so I thought he might appreciate an opportunity to get his name out there even more. Not to mention that Laura misses you something awful, and we'd just love to have you and your brothers over. We still feel real bad about everything."

"Well, that's kinda silly. None of it was your fault," I assured him. "None of us blame you for anything. It was all just bad luck, really."

"Well, it was bad luck at _our_ house, so we feel bad," he replied. "So… do you think you can make it on the fourth?"?

"I don't know- You should probably ask Darry… he kinda decides where we go. Want me to get him?"

"Sure, if he's not busy." I didn't consider Darry doing the dishes as being too busy for talking on the phone.

"Okay… Hang on." I put the phone down and went into the kitchen where Darry was just finishing up.

"Darry, Coach K is on the phone. He wants to talk to you."

He dried his hands and grabbed the kitchen phone.

"Hello? Oh hi, Coach." I stopped listening as soon as he picked up.

I hadn't thought about the fourth of July; in fact I didn't even know what the date was, though I did know it was a Friday, since the trash had been picked up that morning. After I handed Darry the phone, I walked over to the calendar. I stared at it a minute, realizing it was June thirtieth. It seemed like school had just ended, but as it turned out, I had been out of school for nearly a month. I turned the page. Fourth of July was the next Tuesday, and I noticed "Court" was written on Monday the tenth. I had forgotten all about the fact that _that_ was coming up. I stared for so long that I didn't realize Darry had hung up the phone and was looking at me.

"You okay?" He broke my trance, and I snapped back into reality.

"Yeah… I just realized how much time I lost being in the hospital and all. I didn't even know what the date was."

"It's the last day of June."

"Yeah, I know. What did you tell Coach about the party?"

"I said I'd let him know. I wanted to talk to you guys about what you all wanna do."

He didn't have to say it; I knew he was thinking about the Fourth of July tradition we'd had with Mom and Dad. We'd always go out to Keystone Lake that day and spend the day relaxing - swimming, reading, tossing a ball around, listening to music, and just taking it easy and enjoying each other's company and our Dad's rare day off from work.. Then we'd come home and Dad would barbecue his famous ribs for us. We'd gorge ourselves on ribs, and mom's potato salad and cole slaw, then we'd all make s'mores over the grill while we watched the fireworks put on by the city. It had always been a family day – well, _extended_ family, too. Johnny and Steve usually came out to Keystone with us, and Two-Bit, Dally, Ben and Kevin would usually show up for dinner and the fireworks.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I hated breaking tradition, but, then again, I think we'd all started to understand that things were different, and that it was time to start making some of our own traditions, just the four of us. Mom, Dad, Dally and Johnny were gone, and Steve was, well, _complicated_, and there was just no pretending that anything was the same.

"What do _you_ want to do?" I asked.

"I don't know… it would be fun to go out to Keystone, but we could always just hang around here – go over to your coach's cookout. It would be good for me to do that – work-wise, I mean. People are more likely to hire and recommend you if they know you."

I nodded. I still had the calendar page in my hand and Darry looked over, noticing the big "court" written on the page.

"You still up for that? Court? I know this summer's already been pretty stressful for you."

I let go of the calendar.

"Yeah, I'm okay with it. I told you, I _want_ to do it." I was still holding on to the hope that the lawsuit would give Darry the money he needed to go back to school.

Darry drew in a breath and it was obvious he wanted to say something but he didn't.

"_What?_"

"You and Soda have your first counseling appointment on Monday. I was planning to just drop you off and pick you up, but… do you want me to take time off for it, to go with you?"

I thought about it. He had already taken off so much time when I was in the hospital, and would probably have to take another day off for the upcoming court date. I didn't know what to expect, really, but he'd said if I didn't want to talk I wouldn't have to.

"No… I'll be okay."

"You sure?"

"No," I decided to be honest, "but I think so."

He stared me in the eyes. "Scout, just because I told you how strong I think you are doesn't mean I expect you to be fearless. It's okay to admit you need help sometimes."

"I know. But… I think I can handle it. Soda will be there, too, right? Do we have to go in together?" That didn't make much sense to me, especially if I was supposed to be there to talk about what I hadn't wanted Soda and Darry to know about.

"No, the appointments are separate but if you need him, he'll be there."

"Okay."

Darry didn't look like he believed me, and I wasn't sure how to convince him. Luckily I didn't have to, it was Tang who broke the silence, coming crashing into the kitchen at breakneck speed chasing after Pony's crumpled up cigarette package, which, it seemed, in his mind, was alive and an opponent that just begged to be subdued. He leapt after it, batted by his own paw, crashing into the lower cabinets and coming to rest behind the trash can.

"_Meooooow?_" His voice trailed out from behind the can, as the wrapper flew out again, Tang in hot pursuit as he barreled his way back into the living room.

Darry's and my gaze met again, both of us smiling.

"I think he's gonna fit right in around here," I said.

Darry just shook his head at me, rolling his eyes.

"He's certainly no less crazy than the rest of you," he said.

He was still smiling, though.

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A/N: I am really sorry for the delay in updating, and the fact that this one was short. I wish I had more time for writing at the moment - real life just gets in the way sometimes! I would really appreciate, if you are still reading, if you check in and let me know that. I still have a lot of plans for this story and knowing that I still have people reading and waiting for updates really means a lot. Again, I offer my most heartfelt appreciation to you for reading such a long fic, and I hope what I have in store for the characters doesn't disappoint those of you who still stick with me and Scout! I'll try for a Thanksgiving week update!


	55. The Reenactment

The weekend seemed to fly by, and I spent most of my time working on the plants in my garden and being amused by Tang's antics as I pruned and watered things and he attempted to destroy them. It was pretty clear after a few days that this particular cat wasn't likely to be going anywhere anytime soon. I had caught each brother, at separate times, talking to him, and I'd caught Soda on Sunday morning snuggled up asleep with him on the couch in front of the television.

Even Two-Bit had showed up Sunday afternoon with some sort of fancy cat food that I was sure he'd shoplifted from somewhere. It was kind of funny – a bunch of tough-as-nails guys turning to mush around a kitten, but, then again, I had already discovered that there was a softer side to all of the guys that even just a year ago I hadn't known existed. This side of them, which they thankfully brought out from time to time, made it slightly more tolerable to be surrounded by nothing but testosterone most of the time. At least once a week I cursed being not _only_ the only girl, but the youngest as well. My teenaged years were going to be one interesting ride, I was pretty sure of that.

Soda had dinner duty that Sunday night and was procrastinating worse than ever about getting things started in the kitchen - first fooling around with the cat, then getting in a wrestling match with Pony, and _then_ talking to Sandy for what seemed like forever on the phone. By the time he got off the phone, I was starving, and getting pretty cranky as a result. I was starting to notice that about all of us - that the hungrier we were, the more irritable we tended to get. I used think it was only the boys, but now that puberty was setting in, it was starting to be true for me, as well.

He finally hung up the phone and sat back on the couch, not moving. I stared at him from the arm of Darry's chair. He didn't notice.

"_Soda?_"

"What?" He didn't look up.

"Are you gonna cook? I'm starving."

He sat up and looked at me like I was nuts. I had to admit, it was usually the reverse- him starving, and us procrastinating on dinner.

"You _are?_" He seemed skeptical.

"Yeah," I assured him. "I'm about to go out hunting and gathering in the yard if you don't get things moving in the kitchen. I mean, I'll help you, or whatever, but can we get this dinner show on the road?"

He eyed me, a smile forming on his face.

"You can eat whatever now, right? You're all better?"

"Yeah."

"I think we owe you a Dingo cheeseburger."

Just at the mention of it my mouth started watering.

"Yeah, you do! And you'd better get me it, now that you just brought that up," I said.

He laughed.

"I will. I got some extra cash from a side job I did on some lady's Chevy who came in just as we were closing up last Thursday and just _couldn't wait_ til we opened up on Friday. Only took me fifteen minutes and she gave me _ten bucks!_ I didn't really feel like cookin' tonight, anyway."

"No kidding...?" I loved being sarcastic with Soda, sometimes it went right over his head. Not this time, though.

"Yeah, okay wise-ass," he kidded. "You wanna eat out or want me to go get it and bring it home?"

I didn't really feel like going anywhere.

"Home."

"Alright, well, tell Darry what's up and I'll be back in a few," he said, grabbing the truck keys and heading out the door. I heard him talking to Pony out on the porch and then he called back, "Pony's coming with, 'kay Scout?"

"Yeah. Just don't hang around down there, you got a starving kid here. The state frowns on that kind of stuff." It _was_ weird, for me to be so hungry. I guess all that liquid diet had made me appreciate all the real food I'd been missing.

I heard the truck start and then drive away and realized that for the first time in what seemed like forever, I was alone. Darry had gone off with Kevin to play football with some high school friends who were home for the summer. I was glad to see him go – I hoped that playing football with somebody other than _us_ – somebody who actually knew what they were doing – would get him thinking about school and how much he'd miss playing if he didn't go back. The thought of him really quitting school for good ate away at the back of my mind, knowing how much of a big deal it was that he'd even gotten there in the first place. It would have killed our parents to see him have to quit, after all his hard work.

I flipped on the television and sat down in the armchair - which I was now truly starting to think of as Darry's rather than Dad's. Tang heard me sit down and jumped up on my lap, settling down as I patted him. I sat there, staring at the TV but not really watching, feeling Tang's gentle purr on my stomach. I was still sitting there when Darry came in.

"Rough day?" he joked, looking at me draped over the chair.

"Yeah, real rough," I answered sarcastically. "How about you?" I asked.

"Not too bad. Hey, where's Soda, anyway? Isn't it his night? I'm starving."

"He went to get that cheeseburger you guys owe me, and he's bringing back dinner for all of us. Pony went with."

"Ah, and here I'd thought that you'd forgotten all about that cheeseburger," he laughed. "Sounds good though," he said. "How long ago did he leave?"

"I don't know, maybe half an hour ago?"

"Cool. He should be home soon, then." Darry headed past me into the kitchen and I could hear him opening the refrigerator and pouring himself a glass of milk.

"Scout, you all set for that counseling session tomorrow?" I could sense the hesitancy in his voice. I knew he knew how much I didn't want to go.

I stood up, pushing Tang down to the floor with a discontented meow, and headed towards the kitchen. Darry was leaning up against the counter, staring back at me.

"I'm not gonna to lie to you," I said. "You know I don't want to go."

"I know," he said. "But I really think it might help."

"I still can't believe you got Soda to agree to go," I said. I knew the last thing Soda liked to do was talk about his feelings. In fact, that was pretty much the last thing _any_ of the boys liked to do. Granted, I wasn't too thrilled about having to bring up my own situation again, either.

"I was a little surprised he agreed, too, to be honest. But the whole situation is bothering him. A whole lot more than he lets on, I think. It certainly can't hurt. We'll talk about it again after tomorrow's session and see what you guys think, okay?"

"Okay." I had already agreed to do it; there was no going back on my word at that point. The last thing I wanted was any of my brothers still feeling bad about something that hadn't even been any of their fault.

Just at that moment there was the general ruckus of boys at the front door and Soda and Ponyboy came crashing through, take-out bags in hand. In short order, the table was filled with cheeseburgers and fries and milkshakes and we all sat down to eat. Soda didn't seem too worried about the counseling session the next day, or at least, if he was, he didn't let on about it.

After supper, I helped to clean up and then I headed down to my room, wanting some time to think about what I was going to have to say the next day. I wondered about this counselor - whether it would be a man or woman, what kind of questions they would ask, whether I'd be able to answer without crying. I felt like I had grown a lot, and become a lot stronger, but I remembered what had happened when I'd had to talk to Dr. Bryant about things. I hoped what Darry had said was right, that maybe after talking to somebody who was totally removed from the situation, I'd be able to "get over it" or at least stop feeling like I was on the verge of dissolving into a complete mess all the time.

I was lying on my bed listening to the thunderstorms again rolling in from the west, as they did most nights, when I heard a distinct sound coming from the kitchen, one that I hadn't heard since well before my parents died. I got up and headed toward the kitchen only to find Soda standing in front of the stove, shaking a Jiffy-pop container over the burner. Every once in a while, when my folks had been alive, we'd pop popcorn and all watch TV together - even Dad - who wasn't much of a fan of the television.

"Where'd you find that?" I asked. I was sure there hadn't been any in the cabinets since Mom and Dad had died.

"I bought it," Soda said, not turning around. "I thought it was about time for a TV night, it's been a long time."

Pony came out of his room and was suddenly beside me. At first he didn't say anything, and I wondered if it made him upset. Finally, however, he walked over and stood next to Soda at the stove.

"Hope you bought more than one," he said. "Darry eats one all by himself."

"I got four," Soda said, finally grinning. I think he might have been a bit nervous about our reactions. "We'll have plenty."

I left Soda and Pony in the kitchen and went into the living room to find Darry sitting in the armchair. The television was on but he was only half-watching.

"So, did you know Soda was planning this - TV night?"

"No, but I think it's a good idea. Everybody's been so busy with work, I think it's a good idea for us to spend some time together… _not _in a hospital setting," he joked.

"I guess so." I had a feeling that the whole thing had to do with the counseling session the next day and this was just Soda's way to try and get us all to relax about it, but I was willing to go along with it. It did seem kind of relaxing, just hanging out and watching a movie on television, even knowing that the drama would all start right up again the next day.

Soda finished with the popcorn and brought it in and we all sat there, each with our own bowl, watching the movie and tossing popcorn into each other's mouths, with far more kernels hitting the floor than their intended targets. I had to hand it to Soda - TV night _had_ been a good idea, and even though Mom and Dad's presence was sorely missed, it felt good, just being together. I missed the simple things we'd used to do with them but hadn't done since they'd been gone – I assumed because none of us was ever sure whether the others were ready to handle it or not. It hadn't even been a year, yet, after all...

Even Darry must've enjoyed it, though, because he agreed to clean up the mess we'd made with all the popcorn, sending the rest of us off to bed. He and Pony had work in the morning, and Soda's and my counseling sessions were scheduled to start at eight thirty, so that Darry could drop us off on his way to work, and Soda would still be able to make it to his work for ten.

It was raining outside, with the rumble of thunder still in the distance, and I secretly hoped that the rain would keep up and Darry wouldn't have to work the next day. I wasn't sure exactly what I was afraid of, but if the counseling was supposed to be helping Soda, too, I wasn't thrilled at the prospect of falling apart in front of him. I hated myself for how much I was starting to depend on Darry, when I realized what he really needed was for us to be _less _dependent on him so he could have more of a life of his own.

I think that was the worst part about the impending morning - the uncertainty. I had no idea what the counseling session would be like. I always thought psychiatrists were for crazy people, and I didn't think I was truly _crazy_ -- just a normal kid with more than her share of problems, maybe, but, then again, I was no doctor. In any case, I was apprehensive, to say the least.

I brushed my teeth, and crawled into bed, pleased when Tang jumped up onto the covers. I knew it was silly - it's not like a cat could protect me from anything, really, but I felt less alone with him on the bed. I would have never expected it, with all of the thoughts swirling around my head, but I actually fell asleep without any trouble, before Darry even came in to say goodnight.

* * *

I awoke with a start.

"Are you goddamned kidding me? What is going _on_ this summer?_ Again?_ _Everybody up!"_ I was completely confused, listening to Darry's cursing through the wall, the tornado siren, and another sound which I eventually realized as hail beating against the side of the house. I sat straight up on instinct, throwing my legs onto the floor and heading for the door of my bedroom. Almost immediately, I tripped over the clothes I'd left on the floor the night before. Just as I hit the floor, my bedroom door opened, then Darry was there, hauling me up by the underarms.

It was then that my confusion was replaced by full-on fear, remembering exactly what had happened the last time I heard that siren.

"No, Dar, _wait_!" He was practically dragging me out of the room. Even as afraid as I was, I was still half asleep, both of us stumbling in the dark over things I hadn't picked up off my floor.

"Scout, come on!" Darry said in his I-mean-business voice. I wanted to grab my mom's ring and my dad's necklace, but he had me out the door and heading down the cellar stairs before I could gather the wits or energy to fight back. Once on the stairs, however, I found my reserves and fought against him, not wanting any part of that basement.

"No, _I don't want to go down!_ I'll just wait up here. I swear, if a tornado really comes, I'll come down. _I promise_. Please, Darry. I don't want to."

It was all coming back to me, going down into Coach's basement with Laura, and everything that had happened afterward. The blackness, the feeling of complete fear I'd felt. I realized I was now terrified of being trapped underground in the dark, regardless of the fact that all three brothers would be there with me.

"It's safe. I promise. I _told you_, I had the whole house sprayed. There's nothing down there that can hurt you." He was practically yelling over the noise of the wind and rain, and pulling on my arm, trying to drag me downstairs, but I had planted myself on the top step, and was resisting with all I had, holding on to the railing. I could hear Soda and Pony calling me down from the darkness, urging me to come down.

"Scout! Let go! You'll be fine, you need to come down." Soda called. Darry pulled harder, and I realized how tightly he had my arm.

"Let go of me, you're _hurting me_," I said, sure he hadn't been meaning to. He let go immediately, and I folded my arms across my chest and buried my head in them. He took advantage of the situation then, knowing I'd finally let go, and grabbed me off the step, carrying me down the stairs and sitting in a chair, me balled up in his lap.

Soda had known exactly where the flashlight was this time, remembering where he'd put it the last time, and he came and knelt by me.

"Open your eyes, baby, look. We're all here, you're fine."

I didn't want to open my eyes. I wanted to keep them closed and make everything disappear and wake up in my own bed. I sat there, not looking, not talking, not moving. I kept them closed and didn't open them again until the danger had passed and Darry had carried me back upstairs to my own bed.

When I finally opened them, I couldn't think of one single thing to say that would make me feel like less of an idiot. I'd always hated the storm cellar, and my brothers all knew that - but again, here was a situation where I was supposed to be growing up -- getting stronger, getting braver -- and I felt like I was just going backwards, acting like a completely unreasonable little kid. Darry stared down at me and finally spoke.

"Baby, I know the basement's scary for you, and I'll do whatever else I have to do to make it better, but you have to come down when the siren goes off. I'm not leaving you up here. You know as well as I do that probably nothing will happen, but I'm not taking that chance."

"I know. I wish I didn't... I mean, I'm sorry I'm always complicating everything."

"You're not," he started, then reconsidered. "Okay, well... maybe you are, but I get it. I know you're not doing it on purpose. Maybe this counseling can help you with some of the other stuff you're scared of, too."

"Maybe," I admitted, though I still had my doubts. I felt him stand up, his weight lifting off the bed.

"Sleep tight, okay? You got an early morning tomorrow."

"Mmmm." I didn't want to think about it.

But I did. All night long.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**A/N: First off, I apologize for the long delays in posting. The non-fic world is kicking my butt and my writing time has been extremely limited. Secondly, I hear what some of your reviews have been saying about the slow pace of this fic over the last few chapters. As in real life, Scout has to have some down time too, or she'd probably be in an institution or something by now. Seriously, though, things will get more complicated again in the next few chapters. As always, I appreciate so much your continued comments, of any kind, and I thank you so much for sticking with Scout and her story. I hope you all had a great holiday!**


	56. The Session

I have no idea when I finally fell asleep - all I can say is that when Soda came in, roughly shaking me awake, since Darry had overslept and we were all late, I was not happy. _Not at all_, considering how much he scared me by jumping on me to wake me up.

"What the heck? Get _off_ me!" I yelled, pushing him off, and punching Soda in the chest, unintentionally. I heard him react and felt bad, but was annoyed, knowing he should have known he was scaring me. Hell, pulling a blade on him hadn't been warning enough?

"Sorry, baby," he whispered, standing next to the bed and rubbing my shoulder. "I forgot."

"Must be nice," I grumbled. God, how could _he_ forget, and _I _couldn't, when I wanted to, so much… Didn't seem fair, from my perspective, anyway.

"We overslept… we gotta get goin' in ten minutes," Soda said, either not hearing or choosing to ignore my comment.

"Ten minutes? That's _great_," I complained, sitting up. I already had a headache, from lack of sleep, I was guessing. Clearly there was no time for a shower and no clean laundry seemed to have made it back to my room in a while, so I went off in search of laundry baskets, finding two in the living room.

"Scout, you can't wear pajamas to counseling, they'll think you really are nuts," Pony teased as he went by.

"Shut up," I snapped, and he laughed at me.

"I'm serious, Pony. Leave me alone." Darry stepped in to see what was going on between the two of us.

"Scout, c'mon, you gotta get dressed. What's the problem in here?"

"Pony's beng an idiot, and I'm trying to get dressed, I can't find any clothes. Are these clean?" I asked, pulling a shirt and a pair of shorts from the pile.

"Pony, lay off, you know better than to pick on her when she first gets up. And yeah, those are clean… Soda was _supposed to fold them_ yesterday afternoon," he added, loud enough for Soda to hear.

"_Sorry…_ "Soda's voice trailed down from the kitchen. "I'll get to it, Dar. I promise."

"It's too late now," I mumbled to myself, trying to smooth out the wrinkles as I carried them down to my room to change.

By the time I was finished changing and had brushed my hair and teeth, Darry was herding us all out the door, telling me there was no time for breakfast. I didn't care – I didn't feel good anyway – besides the headache, I just felt achy all over.

Since it was still raining, he was making two trips: one to drop off me and Soda, then another to drop off Pony. Otherwise, somebody would have to sit in the back and get soaked.

"We really need to get a car," Soda said, to no one in particular, as he lifted me up into the middle and slid in next to me. Again, Soda didn't seem worried at all about where we were headed, and I wondered if he planned to actually even talk to this person at all about anything that mattered. I still wasn't sure if I was planning to, either.

I didn't talk during the ride there, just listened to Darry and Soda talking about some car Soda was working on down at the station. When we finally pulled up to the place, Darry turned to face us both.

"Just be honest, okay? Nobody's gonna judge you on whatever you tell this person, remember that. This is supposed to help you, so please at least give it a try, 'kay baby? You might be surprised."

I didn't answer, and he squeezed my hand as Soda pulled me from the other direction.

"_Ow!_" I yanked my arm back from Soda, looking at where he'd grabbed me. At first I couldn't figure out where I'd gotten bruises on my wrist again, until I remembered Darry trying to pull me down the stairs the night before. I saw the recognition in his eyes as he figured it out, too.

"_Jesus_, did _I _do that to you? I swear, I didn't think I was pulling you that hard. Why didn't you _say _something?"

"I did, and you stopped as soon as I said it. I know you didn't mean it. You're always rough without meaning to be. It's fine. I'm fine."

"Well, it ain't fine. Somebody else did that you you, I'd be pissed off, so it ain't fine for me, either. I'm sorry," Darry said, and I felt bad, knowing _he_ felt bad. I wished he'd never seen the bruise.

"It's okay, Darry, really. I should have just gone into the cellar. You were only trying to keep me safe. It was my own fault."

He didn't say anything for a few seconds and then broke out of his trance.

"Okay, so… I'll be back for you two at nine-thirty, then. Good Luck!" he called, as Soda and I headed into the building. I felt sick to my stomach, just from not knowing what to expect. For a second I was tempted to reach out for Soda's hand, but then I figured the last thing I needed was for this doctor's first impression of me to be a scared kid holding on to her big brother's hand. Soda pulled open the door for me and walked in ahead of him.

The office looked just like any other doctor's office waiting room… chairs, magazines, a fishtank. I headed immediately to the fishtank, glad for something to look at. Soda headed up to the reception desk.

"Can I help you?" She was young, and pretty. I vaguely wondered if she had a boyfriend, or a husband. She reminded me of the pictures of my own Mom, when she was younger.

"I'm Soda Curtis, and that's my sister, Scout… we have an eight-thirty appointment." I wondered if Darry had told Soda that the appointments were separate or if he thought we were going together.

"Ah, right… I see here, with Dr. Lee. You're her first appointment this morning, so why don't you just have a seat. She should be right out. The receptionist picked up the phone, announcing to someone, somewhere, that "your eight-thirty's here."

Soda came over and looked at the fish with me for a minute, rubbing my shoulders from behind.

"I bet Tang would like a fishtank," I said, trying to be funny but just not feeling it.

"Yeah, and I don't think the fish would last too long," Soda joked back, pulling me to sit.

"You want me to go in first?" he asked, quietly. I guess he _did _know we were going in separately.

"I don't care," I said, and I really didn't. It wasn't going to matter what order I went, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to like it, either way.

Just then a door opened into the back and Soda and I both jumped up. A petite, well-dressed Asian woman came out, and smiled when she saw us.

"Well, hello. You must be Scout and Sodapop, correct?"

"Yes, ma'am," Soda answered.

"Well, it's nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Lee. Which one of you would like to come in first?" She looked at us expectantly. I didn't answer right away, but I was about to agree to go when Soda beat me to it.

"I'll go," he said, and gave my shoulder a squeeze.

"Alright then, Scout, why don't you just have a seat, and I'll be back out for you in a little while." She led Soda into her office and shut the door, leaving me alone with the receptionist.

At least she had something to do, she seemed busy with filing papers and stuff- meanwhile, I just sat there, staring at the fish tank, feeling a little bit like I could relate to those fish. Sometimes it just seemed that my life was put right out there, for everyone to see. And here I was, just moments away from being expected to tell my most personal, painful story to a complete stranger.

"Soda went first, huh?"

I jumped at the voice right behind me and turned to see Darry. People had started to filter in after Soda went in to see the doctor, and other doctors had come in and out with patients but I had tuned it all out, so I hadn't even seen Darry come in.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He put his arm around my shoulder.

"What are you doing here? I didn't even go in yet." I glanced at the wall clock and saw that it wasn't even nine o'clock.

"Well, I didn't have to work, so I figured I'd just come back after dropping off Pony, to make sure things were going okay, and to meet the doctor and all. Plus, I forgot to give Soda the check."

Oh, right. Darry was having to pay for this torture. That just made me hate the whole situation even more.

"So how's the doctor? Is it a man or a woman?"

"It's a woman. She's Chinese, or Japanese or something." I could never remember which language had the "Lee" last name. We didn't have a whole lot of either nationality in Tulsa. "She seemed nice."

"That's good." Darry grabbed a National Geographic and opened it up, stretching out his legs. I just sat there, feeling more anxious by the second.

Finally, the door opened and out came Soda, his eyes red. Clearly he had been crying, and I felt horrible that whatever he had to talk about had him so upset that he would cry in front of a complete stranger. Darry didn't look too comfortable with it, either. The doctor followed him out, telling him she would see him again the next week. I couldn't believe he'd agreed to come back again. I wanted to hug him and never let go.

"Okay Scout, it's your turn," she called, then noticing Darry. He held out his hand.

"I'm Darrel, Soda and Scout's older brother," he said. She took his hand.

"Dr. Lee," she answered. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I don't know your sister all that well yet, but your brother seems like an extraordinary young man."

I almost laughed. "Extraordinary" was certainly one word for Soda. I looked at him and smiled. He winked back. God, I loved him. Despite all that I was putting him through, he still could find it in him to try to make me relax.

"Okay, so, are you ready?" she asked, leading the way with her outstretched arm.

"We'll be right out here, Scout," Darry said, and I gave Soda an apologetic glance as I headed back into her office. I wondered what Soda was going to tell Darry – if he'd tell him whatever it was that had made him cry.

"Have a seat," the doctor said, closing the door behind us. I wondered if which seat I chose would give her some sort of secret insight into my personality. I looked around at the choices and chose a comfortable looking armchair a medium distance away from her desk. She tricked me, though, choosing an uncomfortable wooden chair - one a bit closer to me - for herself, rather than sitting at her desk.

"So, Scout, I usually start by telling all of my new patients that what goes on in this room is just between you and me, just as it would be with any doctor. It's up to you, to tell me as little or as much about whatever you choose, but, obviously, the goal in having you here is to help you work through whatever problems you're having. Are you with me so far?"

I didn't answer right away. I wasn't really upset with _her_ – I realized that she was just trying to do her job, but I wasn't going to pretend I was happy about the situation, either.

"I should probably tell you, I didn't want to come here. And seeing that my brother's been crying only makes me want to be here even less."

"Well, I certainly appreciate your honesty. So why _are _you here, then?"

"Because my doctor said I had to… and my brother wanted me to."

"Your brother Sodapop?"

"_No,_ Darry. Well, I don't know, maybe Soda too. But Darry wanted me to come, and that's mostly why I agreed to come, I mean, because of my brothers. They keep blaming themselves and feeling bad about stuff that happens that isn't even their fault, and I _hate it._ Is that why Soda was crying? Because he blames himself for stuff that happened to me?"

"I can't tell you what your brother and I talked about, unless he specifically asks me to, Scout. It's the same confidentiality for everyone, relatives or not."

"So if I tell you something, and I ask you to tell him what I said, you could?"

"I _could_, but wouldn't it just be easier for you to tell him yourself?"

"Well, _no,_ because I don't think he believes me. I think he is afraid I'm lying just so I won't make him feel bad."

"Well, what is it you're trying to tell him that you don't think he believes?"

I wasn't sure where I had to start.

"Do you know… what _happened to me_? I mean, how things got all messed up to begin with?"

"I've seen your medical records, and your doctor made a note on your referral about why he was sending you, but other than that, I don't know the details."

"You mean Soda told you, but you can't tell me did, then. _Right?"_

"Well, you know I can't tell you, so I guess you're going to go on your own instinct with that one." She smiled. I guess if I had to do this with any doctor, this one wasn't all that bad.

"Well, I don't want to talk about… _that_… I mean, _that night_. But what I wish you could tell Soda … and Darry, and Pony – that's my other brother, and make them _believe it_, is that I don't blame them for anything that happened to me. I never _did, _and I_ still don't_. I used to blame myself, and now I even know – because they convinced me – that it wasn't _my_ fault either. But I feel like no matter how hard I try, Soda still blames himself."

I stopped to take a breath.

"So that's why I'm here. I didn't realize how much me being scared and just trying to … get back to okay – I didn't realize how much it was upsetting my brothers. Because I know they want to help me, but.. I'm not really sure they can."

"You said you're scared? _What are you scared of?"_

I don't think she had any idea of the enormity of what she was asking, and I don't think I did either, until I tried to come up with an answer. Spiders was the first thing that came to mind, but I knew that was not exactly what she was looking for.

"It's really hard to explain," I said, hoping she'd just let it go, but now that she had brought it up, I found I was a bit curious myself. What exactly _was_ I afraid of? It wasn't really Steve, or tornadoes, or spiders, though those things all seemed to tie in_, somehow."_

"Well, if you're willing to try to explain it, I'll try to listen."

"I bit my lip, and thought, hard, finally hesitating with my words.

"Well, you know – my brothers – they're all I have left. I lost my Mom and Dad… and Darry got stuck with me – and Soda kinda did too… I know if Mom and Dad were still here, Darry would still be in college, and Soda would still be in school…"

I hesitated, and she didn't say anything, just giving me the time to think.

"These things _happen _to me – things I can't control – and they're _bad,_ for me. But I try to handle them, okay. But then when my brothers start getting upset about those things…it makes me feel even worse. Because I don't want to be a _burden_ on them – I don't want to be any more trouble than I already _am, _since already they have to feed me and spend money on me. That's what I'm afraid of."

"What?" She asked, "explain it to me, Scout. I don't understand what you're saying." I don't know when I'd started crying. "What _exactly_ are you afraid of?"

"That I'm gonna be too much trouble and they are gonna hate me, because of how much they had to give up – because of how much their lives had to change because of me and stuff that happens to me." I choked back tears, as, finally, I said it. I could deal with a room full of Steves, a room full of spiders, and a whole summer full of tornadoes, but I couldn't deal with my family resenting me me for the burden I'd become to them.

She handed me a tissue.

"Have you told your brothers how you feel about this?" she asked, quietly.

"No," I said. "They think it's just… _thing_s that I'm afraid of, and if they make the _things_ go away, I'll be better. But this is… it's inside me. They can't just make it disappear."

"Have your brothers ever said that they resent you, or think you're a burden?"

"No. Darry says I'm _not_, but I don't believe it. I can't believe he doesn't resent me, at least a little, for all he's had to give up 'cause of me."

"Well, have you ever considered that maybe it's in the same way that you don't think Sodapop believes you, even though you're being truthful?"

Man, this lady was _good._ I glanced at the clock and noticed that our time was up, and in that short time she had made me realize that while all of us were talking to each other at home, none of us were believing what anyone else was saying. A huge revelation, one that shifted my entire perspective on things.

"So, Scout, do you think before the next time we meet that you could talk to Darrel and Sodapop - and your other brother, if you think he's part of it, too - about what you just told me – about what you're really afraid of?"

I wasn't sure if I could.

"I'll try," I said, realizing too late that I had just agreed to a second visit.

"You ready to go back out?" she asked, taking my tissues and throwing them away for me.

I nodded, and she opened the door. Soda and Darry both looked up as we came out, and Soda grabbed me in a hug, seeing that I'd been crying, too.

"I don't blame you, Soda," I whispered in his ear. "I _never _did. I swear."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N: Please forgive any gross misrepresentations of what goes on in a psychologist's office. I am DEFINITELY not a psychologist, and though I probably _could_ benefit from the services of one, I have never been to one. :-) Thanks for feedback, as always.**


	57. The Decision

"We'll talk, later," Soda whispered back, and squeezed me tight before letting me go. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. You?" I responded. His eyes didn't look so red anymore. We sat down while Darry took care of the bill and making another appointment.

"I'm good," he said. "She's real nice, huh?"

"Yeah. I guess we hafta come back again?"

"Yeah… I don't know about you but I do feel like she kinda helped me… I don't know, figure some stuff out."

"Yeah, me too," I agreed. Darry came over toward us.

"Let's go, or you're gonna be late for work," Darry said, yanking Soda up from his chair.

"She's right, Dar… you _are_ always rough." He laughed; he was joking, but I felt bad that he'd brought it up again.

"Well, I'm gona try to tone it down a bit, I can't have you guys all battered and bruised, people will think I'm beating you up." It was hard to tell whether or not Darry was kidding.

"I can't even believe you just said that," I said, running to keep up with the two of them, who were hurrying to get to the truck. "Nobody who knows you would ever think you were beating us up." I jumped into the middle as Soda slid in beside me.

"Well, unfortunately," Darry said, putting the truck in gear and pulling out of the parking spot, "It's the people who _don't_ know me that we have to worry about the most."

That was certainly the truth. All it would take was one stranger to suspect something was up and make a call, and the state would be down our throats in a second. It wasn't all that rare for kids to have bruises - kids from our side of town, anyway – and I think, for the most part, the teachers just turned the other cheek. Lord knows; I'd sure looked terrible when I'd gone back to school after my incident, and nobody had said a thing except for those Socs that Ben had fought with.

We pulled up at the DX right at ten, and Soda hopped out. I was still feeling bad about whatever had made him cry, so I stopped him as he climbed out.

"Hey, I know it's your night and all, but since you hafta work, and I don't, I'll make dinner tonight, okay?"

"Well, I sure ain't gonna say no to that," Soda grinned. "Catch y'all later." And with a definitive slam of the door he was off.

"I swear, I don't understand how these doors are still attached, the way you guys slam them," Darry said, watching Soda head into the shop.

"You do the same thing," I pointed out, and he chuckled. "Yeah, I guess I do. You don't miss much, do you Scout?"

"I guess not." I was staring into the DX, watching as Steve came out from the back and talked to Soda. He looked different, to me, somehow, though I couldn't quite figure out _what _it was that was different.

"You alright?" Darry must have seen me staring, and noticed what I was staring at.

"Yeah," I said, looking back at him, the thought occurring to me that maybe it wasn't _Steve_ who was different, maybe it was _me_, because for the first time since that night, I was looking at him and I wasn't afraid. It was such a shocking realization that I didn't even hear Darry talking to me until I realized he was staring at me, clearly expecting an answer.

"Oh, sorry. What?"

"I said, that was nice of you to take Soda's dinner duty, especially seein' as how he weaseled out of cooking last night by getting take-out."

"Well, I feel kinda bad, I mean, I know he only had to go see that doctor 'cause of me."

"It wasn't just because of you, baby. You don't need to feel bad about anything. There were a whole lot of other factors. Sandy, Steve, the baby... Soda has a lot more going on in his head than most of us think. And he can talk to Pony all he wants about it, but Pony can't help him any more than I can help you."

I felt like that was a good thing, Darry admitting that he didn't know how to help me. I hoped it meant he'd stop trying so hard and then feeling bad when he didn't succeed. I was quiet and I could tell Darry wanted to ask me something.

"So… what you talked about, with the doctor… do you think it was helpful?"

"Yeah. But I didn't really talk about what I expected to."

"Really? What did you talk about, then?"

I hesitated to tell him.

"Well, _you_, actually, and Soda and Pony."

"_Me?_ Are you upset with me or something?"

"No, nothing like that. She just- she helped me figure out some stuff about my feelings. It was nothing bad. I'll… I mean... I'll talk to you about it, but just, not yet. I still need some time to think about things, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed. "Whatever you need. But if I'm doing something bad, or wrong, I hope you'll tell me." I saw him looking at my wrist again.

"You're _not_, Dar. And I _will_, I promise."

We pulled into the driveway and Darry headed into the garage to get tools for whatever his latest rainy-day project was. He could never just really relax; he always had to be doing something. Our Dad had been the same way. I was surprised after a few minutes of sitting on my bed to hear scratching sounds from the other side of the wall.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm fixing the hole in the wall in here," Darry said, and I remembered Soda, after one of my nightmares, kicking the door so hard against the wall that the doorknob had made a hole. Even back then, he'd been angry and blaming himself. I really hoped he'd found some answers that morning, as I had.

I got up and went into the boys' room, sitting on their bed watching as Darry put some sort of gauze tape over the hole.

"That's how you're fixing it? Putting tape over it?" I had to laugh, that was the sort of home repair even I could handle.

"No," Darry laughed. "It's just so the plaster has something to attach to. I watched as he dipped a tool into the plaster container, then smoothed it over the tape in a few layers until the hole had all but disappeared. It always amazed me that Darry truly seemed to know how to fix just about anything. And anything he couldn't fix, Soda could. Meanwhile, Pony and I could hardly even hammer in a nail properly.

"How do you know how to fix everything?"

"Dad taught me a lot – the rest I've just picked up from being on construction sites, watching the other guys work. Most guys will take the time to explain what they're doing – makes them feel good to know they can do something you can't. You can learn a lot just by watching." I could imagine Darry as the quiet guy at work, always just watching. I wondered if he made the other guys nervous. I know I hated being watched by strangers. Even playing basketball in front of a crowd had taken some getting used to.

"Do you like your job, Dar? I mean, I know it pays the bills and everything, but… if you could have your choice, is it what you would do?" I was starting to have a better idea of the direction my "therapy homework" conversation with him was going to go, and his job was going to definitely play into it.

"Yeah, I do. I told you, before - that's what I was going to school for… engineering and business. I guess I'd like to do more general contracting and less roofing and piece work, but everybody has to start somewhere. I'm actually in a good place, a better one than most guys my age are. That tornado damage didn't exactly hurt, either." He _had_ been really busy since then, even with Tim's guys working with him. I still wasn't totally comfortable with _that_ situation.

"So, about tomorrow…" he started, and I had to think what the next day was. I'd totally forgotten about the Fourth of July. "I'm thinking we'll just skip the lake. If it's okay with you, I was thinking we could go over to your Coach's house for his cookout for a while, then come back home and hang out and have everybody over for the fireworks." For some reason our side of town had the best view of the city fireworks display.

"That sounds fine."

"Are you sure? I mean, I know, it's breaking tradition and all, but I think it might be more relaxing for all of us to just hang closer to home."

"I'm sure. It's fine. I was actually kind of liking the idea of watching the fireworks with Ben, hoping Sandy and Allison would be coming over too, to keep my brothers distracted for a while.

"Okay, that's what we'll do, then." He seemed glad that I'd agreed. I followed him around the house, watching him patch a bunch of nicks and cracks in the walls, most of which were a result of too much roughhousing between boys. I vaguely wondered about how many of those holes had been made by Dallas or Johnny and it occurred to me that although Darry was "filling the holes," there were some holes – the emotional ones – that just never disappeared. I knew Ponyboy still missed Johnny terribly, although he never talked about it – not with me, anyway. I wondered if he did with Soda.

"You wanna try?" Darry snapped me out of my thoughts.

"_What?_"

"You seem so fascinated by watching me, do you want to do this one?"

"Okay," I guess, I said, as he handed me what I then knew was called a trowel and I smoothed plaster over the hole. It was harder than it looked to get it smooth, and my handiwork was nowhere near as good as Darry's was, but he was complimentary, anyway.

"Nice job," he said, taking the trowel back, and checking his watch. "Hey, I have to go wash out these tools outside, so why don't you go get started on dinner, and I'll be in to help in a few minutes." I knew he was going to touch up my patch work the second I left.

"You don't have to help, I offered to do it," I said.

"I want to," he said, hitting me gently on the butt with the plaster container. "So get in there and get started." I heard the trowel on the wall again the second I reached the kitchen.

…………………………………….

I had trouble coming up with any ideas of what to make for dinner, since it seemed nobody had bought groceries in a while, so I settled on what had always been one of our Dad's favorites: breakfast for dinner. He'd always said that our Mom was such a good breakfast cook that he'd eat breakfast three times a day and never complain, if that's what she served him. Soda had always liked it, too, and I was hoping to put Soda in a good mood, because I'd come to a decision about something - a decision I wasn't too sure he'd like.

Darry came in to help and took over the eggs and bacon, while I fried up some potatoes and leftover ham from a few nights before and made a hash. I must have been quiet because he asked me twice if I was alright.

"I'm fine. I'm just… thinking about things."

"Okay. Well, you know, if you want to talk, I'll listen."

"I know." I wasn't so sure he was going to like what I'd decided, either. Yet, as nervous as I was about the decision I'd come to, I knew I had to do it. If nothing else, my conversation with the doctor that morning had made me realize that there was no one magic thing that I – or anyone else – could say or do that would suddenly make everything all better. The best I could realistically wish for was that little by little, taking baby steps, I could start to make things feel "normal" again. At least that's how it seemed.

And so it was that I sat through dinner, mostly silent, trying to decide if I really wanted to do what I thought I did, and how everyone else might react to it. Finally, as Darry started to gather up the plates, Soda turned to me.

"What's up with you, tonight, Scout? Cat got your tongue? You've hardly said a word."

I took a deep breath, feeling all eyes on me. I stared down.

"I just… I made a decision about something today… and I'm not sure you're gonna like it."

Nobody spoke for a second, then Darry set the plates down and stood still.

"What, Scout? What decision?"

I looked up, feeling like if I wanted any chance of getting what I wanted, I was going to have to say it with conviction.

"I want to talk to Steve. Face to face."

You could have heard a pin drop, I was met with such absolute silence.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**A/N: I _told _you Steve would be back, eventually... Darry and Scout patching the walls inspired a one-shot I posted yesterday called "Fixing the Holes." It's in my Scout-free universe,in Ponyboy's POV, and I'd love feedback on that, if you get a chance (and, of course, after you leave a review here :-))**


	58. The Relief

Pony was the first to speak.

"No way. There's _no way_ you're talking to him. How can you even _say_ that Scout, after what he did to you?" He was angry, the way Soda had been when I asked Darry about working for the summer.

"Is this something the counselor suggested you do?" Darry wasn't angry like Pony, but he didn't sound too thrilled, either.

"Well if she did, she's crazy, then," Pony interjected. "I don't think you should even have to be in the same room with him, ever again." He banged his fork against his plate for emphasis.

"No, she didn't suggest it." I had known it would be a struggle to get them to agree. "We didn't really even talk about him that much."

Pony was clearly about to start in on me again, but Darry cut him off.

"_Why _then, baby? And Pony - how about at least giving her a chance to explain it to us before you start getting all bent out of shape, huh?"

"I don't want him anywhere near her," he muttered.

"Well maybe this ain't about what _you_ want, Pony," Soda suggested, quietly. "Let her talk."

"I just feel like it's something I have to do. I mean, eventually, I'm gonna have to see him, he lives in the neighborhood… Soda sees him, every day. It can't be easy for you, being stuck in the middle." I looked over at Soda.

"You don't have to worry about me, Scout. I'm okay. You don't owe me anything. Don't do something you don't want to do because you're worried about me."

"Its not only that… I just… I don't know. In the beginning, right after he hurt me, I was _terrified_ of him, and I felt scared, and alone, and I was sure he was going to hurt me again. It was like I was completely filled up with fear, all day long and then getting the nightmares, too."

"You're not alone. You've never been alone," Darry said.

"I know. I know that now. And time has passed, and when I saw Steve at the DX today, I kept thinking that something was different about him, but I couldn't figure out what. But then I realized it wasn't him. It was _me_ that was different, because I'm not afraid of him anymore. Every time I saw him, right after it happened, my whole body would freeze and I would want to throw up, I was so scared. But I'm not, now. And I want to talk to him. I just feel like... I think that maybe it will help me."

"Why _now_? Don't you think you should wait… I mean, it's still kinda soon, isn't it?"

"Wait for _what_, Darry? Nothings going to change, and I'm just going to keep having this feeling like I need to do this. I wish I could just make the whole thing go away and things could go back to how they were, but I can't. So instead of just trying to forget about it, I think I need to just…" I hesitated.

"Just _what?_" Soda had been listening intently the whole time I was talking.

"Just… deal with it. Deal with _him_."

"I don't know," Darry said, looking at me with concern. "I hear what you're saying, but…you've been doing real good lately. What if this makes everything worse again… I mean, look what happened after you talked to Dr. Bryant about it. You got the nightmares again."

"I can't promise it _won't_ make it worse. But I want to do it. I think I _have _to do it. I think it might actually make things better."

"He's asked me, Dar, actually..." Soda started, slowly, "…to see her, to talk to her. And I've told him absolutely not – that we didn't want him anywhere near her. But now, I mean… if it's what she wants, too… He ain't messed up anymore, I mean, he ain't gonna touch her. He's hating himself over the whole thing."

"Good. He _should_," Pony snapped.

"Look, it's not like I really have to ask you, anyway. I know where he works, I could just go there and talk to him, and you guys wouldn't even know." I knew Darry wouldn't like that suggestion at all.

"No. No way, Scout. I don't want you going to do this alone."

"Well if you won't support me about it, I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

"I don't like it." Pony had toned it down a bit but he was still fuming. "I don't think you should have to listen to a word he says. What he did to you was unforgivable."

"It's not _you _who gets to decide that, Pone. This ain't about you. You can have your own confrontation with him if that's what you need, but this is about Scout and what _she_ needs." I wasn't surprised to have Soda on my side – his work situation had to be nothing if not uncomfortable with things being as they were. I wasn't sure exactly where they stood with each other but I knew they were at least civil to each other.

"So… I can?"I looked up at Darry, hopefully.

He looked completely torn.

"Okay. But only because the _last_ thing I want is for you to do it alone. And you do it _here_, with me here."

"Why don't I just do it now, then?"

"Right _now_?"

"Yeah, that way none of us will have time to change our minds."

"If you're thinking about changing your mind, then maybe it isn't such a good idea to do it at all."

"I was talking about _you_. I'm not going to change my mind. Soda can call Steve and he can come over, right now."

"That's really what you want?"

"That's really what I want."

Darry sighed and gave Soda the go ahead sign, and he got up, put his dish in the sink and headed for the phone. Pony put his dish in the sink right after and left the room in a huff. Soda dialed and waited. "Steve? It's me, Soda…"

At least I was _pretty_ sure it was what I wanted, I thought, as the slightest tinge of fear once again made it's presence known in the pit of my stomach.

………………………………………………

Fifteen minutes later, all four of us were sitting out on the porch, Pony and Soda chain smoking their way through practically a full pack, it seemed. Darry was pacing, stopping every now and then to look anxiously down the street.

I just sat on the couch, trying not to let them make me any nervous than I was already feeling, regardless of thinking that this was something I truly _needed_ to do if I ever wanted to really put things into the past.

Finally a figure appeared. I was surprised to see him walking – Steve had always loved his car, but I figured he was probably just as unsure about how this would go as I was, and was trying to walk off a bit of nervous energy.

He came up to the gate and stopped, just staring up at us, his hands buried in his pockets, his shoulders sagging. Nobody spoke, and for a second he didn't look like the Steve Randle I had always known. I actually had to look more closely to convince myself that it really _was_ him. Steve had always been cocky, arrogant… this Steve looked just…sad. And, I realized with a shock, _scared_. I thought it ironic that he could possibly be scared of how things were going to go with me, but then I realized that Darry still hadn't "settled the score" with him, so to speak. Thinking Darry is going to clean your clock is enough to make even the toughest guy a little bit nervous. I looked over at Darry but couldn't read his expression.

"Come in," I said, surprised that despite all I was feeling I could still manage to speak. Steve didn't move to open the latch until glancing at Darry, who gave him a slight nod. I could see Pony filling with anger, and realized that having the others around was only going to make things more difficult.

"Can you go inside?" I turned to them. "This is between me and Steve."

"You're not staying out here alone," Darry said, staring at Steve, who met his gaze momentarily before looking down.

"Soda can stay," I said. I figured of all of them, he was the one who most deserved to hear the conversation. "But you two, please, can you go inside? You're just making this harder."

Neither of them moved.

"_Please_," I asked again, imploring Darry, and he nudged Pony towards the door.

"We'll be right in here," Darry said, leaving the door open. I knew they would be listening through the screen door, and I didn't care, I just didn't want either of them right there watching us.

Steve just kept staring down, kicking slightly at the dirt. Standing up on the porch, looking down at him, he seemed smaller to me than he ever had before. Soda looked on from where he sat between the two of us, on the far side of the steps.

"Soda said you wanted to talk to me." I said, without looking at him. I could hardly manage to talk in more than a whisper.

"Yeah." He didn't seem quite able to find his words either.

"You hurt me." I said, before I even knew exactly what I wanted to say.

It seemed so simple, that statement, but the moment the words left my mouth I realized how much I had _needed_ to say them, to the person responsible for all that hurt. Not just the physical, but the emotional pain as well – all of the the fear and self-doubt and confusion.

"I know," he said, staring at the ground, then lifting his eyes. "I'm sorry."

I didn't know how to respond. This wasn't a simple case of "It's fine," or "Don't worry about it." "Thanks" briefly crossed my mind, but that wasn't right either. I mean, what do you say to somebody who is apologizing for something like what he had done. I searched for the appropriate words but came up with nothing.

"I know, that ain't enough - that sorry ain't _ever_ gonna be enough to fix what I did, but I wanted to tell you that." He shifted uncomfortably and looked enviously at Soda's cigarette. Wordlessly, Soda handed him one, lighting it off his own. I walked down the stairs and sat next to Soda, noticing that Steve immediately backed away, maintaining a good five feet between us. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my own nerves without the aid of nicotine.

"Why?" I finally asked. "Why _me_? I mean, I _get_ it, that you were messed up, but… why did it have to be _me_?" My voice was starting to waver, but I somehow managed not to cry.

"I don't know," he finally answered, the words coming out in something resembling a cry. "I don't even remember, really… Every once in a while, I remember bits and pieces, but it's like I'm seeing a movie, and it ain't me who's doin' those things. I wish… I wish to all hell it _hadn't_ been me."

I briefly considered telling him that, for me, it had seemed the same way – that it hadn't really felt like it was him to me either, while it was happening - not the Steve I had always known, anyway. But I didn't.

"When you came for me… at the school…"

"I wasn't gonna hurt you. I don't know… I thought I could fix it, somehow."

"You couldn't… You still can't."

"I know. I was a mess. I was real messed up and because of that I messed up… well, everything. And I wish like _hell_ I could fix it but I know I can't."

Neither of us spoke for a long moment.

"I expected you'd want to yell, cuss me out, you know…tell me what a piece of shit I am 'cause of what I did to you." he said.

I thought about it. Why _didn't_ I want to do that? It seemed like I _should_ want to. But I couldn't honestly see how that would make me feel any better. It took me a minute to think about what I _did_ want to tell him.

"I'm not even the same person anymore, that I was before. That's the worst part of all of this. You _stole_ something from me, when you hurt me. You made me not trust anyone… you actually made me think that my brothers would blame _me_ for what _you_ did." I wasn't yelling, but I had finally found my voice. Soda tossed his cigarette into the yard and started to rub my back lightly. I heard movement from inside the house and knew that Darry was looking out to make sure I was okay.

Steve just stood silently. Maybe that was what he needed, for me to accuse him, finally; to make him openly admit to all he had done to me.

"I get it," I continued, "that somebody was hurting you, too, but that doesn't make anything you did to me hurt any less. And it doesn't make it okay."

"No, it don't." I had seen the hurt in his eyes when I mentioned his father. "I don't expect anybody to forgive me. I didn't come here expectin' that. I'd take it all back, if I could. I ain't ever gonna forgive myself, so I got no right askin' anyone else to, either."

I didn't know how to respond to that. I still wasn't sure whether or not forgiveness was even possible. It certainly wasn't something, at twelve, that I could figure out.

"Why'd you decide you wanted to talk to me? I mean, I kinda expected you'd want nothin' to do with me. And I would 've understood." Steve was looking at me, and I met his gaze, without a trace of the fear I had felt looking him in the eyes after the attack. These eyes were Steve's own, not those of the drugged-up Steve who had terrified me.

It was a good question. And I wasn't quite sure of the answer myself until I started to talk.

"I hated you, Steve. I _hated_ you, and I was terrified of you, and that was all I felt, for a long, long time. It took everything I had not to get buried by it, trying to make it through another day without letting how scared and angry I was take over. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't do my schoolwork, I was hardly even alive, it felt like. And it took a long time, and a lot of people trying to help me, but I'm not scared of you anymore."

"I swear, Scout, I'll never lay a hand on you again." I was surprised to hear him call me by my name. I was usually just "kid" to him.

"It's not even that, really. All that fear and anger, it was like you were the one in control of me. And finally, I let it go. It's gone. I had to see you, just to be sure, and now I am. You don't scare me, and I don't think I hate you, either. Not like I did before, anyway."

"You probably should. I hate myself for it."

"I did. For a really long time, I did. But it didn't make me feel any better."

"And now? Do you feel better now?"

I thought about it.

"Yeah, I do. I hate it, what you did, and I don't know if I'll ever get over it, really, but I'm not going to let it control me anymore."

Neither of us said anything more, and Steve finished his cigarette then tossed it aside.

"I guess I should get goin'," he said. "Thanks, for lettin' me talk to you. I know it don't excuse nothin', and sorry don't even come close to bein' enough, but I needed to say it. I guess I'll see you at work, Soda."

"Yeah, seeya," Soda said.

And with that, he was gone.

What happened next was _completely_ unexpected.

I got up and walked into the house, straight past Darry and Ponyboy. I went into my room, sat on my bed, and started to sob. All-encompassing, full-body sobs. The relief of letting go of all that anger and fear, the months of doubting myself and my brothers, and trusting nobody - it was overwhelming, and I completely gave in to it, to the point where I had no idea even at what point Darry had come in and gathered me up in his arms, rocking me the way our mom would when we were little and had gotten hurt, whispering to us in her soothing voice.

"You're okay, Scout. You did good, baby," he said, stroking my hair as buried my head in his chest, soaking his shirt completely through, my whole body shaking with each new wave of tears. "You did real good. I'm real proud of you."

I didn't have to explain it to him - that I wasn't crying because I was upset, I was crying because I was free. He just seemed to get it.

I was _free_, at last. I'd never forget what had happened, or who had done it, but fear and hatred of Steve Randle no longer had any power over me.

**A/N: and... Steve is back. Not redeemed yet, but, little by little, he will get there. Thanks in advance for reviewing! **


	59. The Fourth

I didn't remember falling asleep. I awoke, fully clothed, to Darry lying in the spare bed across from me, his arm draped over the side. He was still in his clothes, too, though I noticed neither of us were wearing shoes.

"Dar… Darry, wake up." I reached over and shook him gently. I had no idea what time it was, but it was light enough in the room that I was worried that he would be late for work.

His eyelids twitched and finally opened, slowly focusing on me.

"Hey… you okay?" he asked, sleepily. It was then that I remembered the complete breakdown I'd had after talking to Steve.

"Yeah. I'm good. Aren't you gonna be late for work?"

"It's Fourth of July," he said, stretching and rolling over. "No work."

"Oh yeah. Sorry I woke you up. What are you doing in here, anyway?"

"I didn't want to leave you, after… you know."

"Dar?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't tell you enough how great you are."

He laughed, and I slid out of bed and hugged him from behind.

"I mean it. Last night… that was exactly what Mommy or Dad would have done. You knew exactly what I needed."

He didn't respond. He was uncharacteristically sleepy, it seemed.

"Go back to sleep," I whispered, as it seemed that he was already slipping away. "You deserve a day off."

I climbed back into my own bed and fell back asleep as well, into a completely deep and dreamless sleep. Both of us were awakened by Soda, two hours later, who came bursting in and climbed on top of each of us in turn, startling us awake.

"Jesus Christ, Soda… you ever hear of the gentle approach?" Darry yawned, pushing his hair out of his face. I just lay there, unmoved, more than used to my brothers' wake-up tactics.

"C'mon… We've been waitin' for you guys to wake up forever! I made breakfast… Patriotic pancakes."

"Jesus, Soda… you bought food coloring again?" Darry stretched and sat up.

"Ah, c'mon Darry… it ain't that expensive."

"It isn't _necessary_… _that_ would be the issue, Soda. Regular-colored brown pancakes are just fine."

"But they aren't _fun_," Soda said, and I had to laugh.

"Is that Scout Curtis, _laughing_?" Soda asked. "I ain't heard nearly enough of that lately."

"Me neither," Darry added, and within seconds they were tickling me so hard that after a mere minute I couldn't breathe.

"Stop… please, stop," I begged, laughing. And, surprisingly, they did.

"Get up and get out here, you two," Soda said, climbing off us and heading back to the kitchen. "Breakfast is served... even though it's practically lunch time!"

Darry still just sat there, staring at me.

"_What?_"

"It's really nice… to hear you laugh.. I mean, _really_ laugh. I'm glad you got that back."

He smiled, and I had to smile back. It almost felt like New Year's Day to me rather than Fourth of July… a new beginning. I felt like the old Scout, the one I had so longed to have back after Steve had hurt me, had finally returned - or started to, anyway. Darry stood up and held out a hand to me, proceeding to pull me into the kitchen where we were both faced with Soda's pancakes. It was clear that he had tried to use red and blue to make them patriotic, but the colors had mixed to make them purple.

"Ugh, Soda… Really?" Darry groaned. In contrast to the orange juice he was pouring, they looked particularly terrible.

"They taste fine," Pony said, dousing his with syrup. He must have been in a growth spurt, he was eating like a horse, and he'd seemed taller lately. In fact, looking more closely, he was almost as tall as Soda, sitting down, anyway.

I knew they probably _would_ taste fine – in most cases, as far as Soda's cooking was concerned, it was just a matter of getting past what it looked like. I found that closing my eyes for the first few bites often helped.

"So who's coming over to her coach's house with me and Scout?" Darry asked, coming over to the table and pouring coffee for both himself and Soda. I wondered when Soda had developed a taste for the stuff – he and Pony had always been chocolate milk drinkers at breakfast.

"I'm goin' over Sandy's for lunch," Soda said. "That's the only way they'll let her come over here for dinner, if she was there for lunch. You already start the ribs, Dar?" Our Dad had always started marinating the ribs for our Fourth of July barbecue days before.

"Yeah," Darry answered. "Hell, how could you not notice them? They've been taking up half the refrigerator since Sunday." I wasn't surprised – Soda wasn't the one with the eye for details – Pony was.

"I dunno," Soda answered, "Pony, you goin' with Darry and Scout?"

"I don't seem to be gettin' any better offers… you're not plannin' on spending all day there, are you?" He turned to Darry as he grabbed a few more purple pancakes from the stack.

"No… just show our faces, meet some neighbors. Maybe get a few more job references. There'll be food there." Darry knew how to get Pony's interest, what with his newfound appetite.

"So, Sandy's family doesn't do anything together for the Fourth ?" I asked Soda.

"They just do a big lunch thing. Her brother has to go downtown to help out at the fireworks, so he's not around at night."

"She has a brother?"

"Yeah, he's a firefighter, down with the station down on Munson."

I was stunned. I still couldn't imagine how her family had made her go away when she'd gotten pregnant… the fact that she had a brother and he'd agreed to the whole thing only confused me more.

"Really? She has a _brother_?" I felt suddenly sick, and my stomach seized, looking down at my purple pancakes.

"Yeah," Soda laughed. "What's so funny about that? Hell, you should understand it happens - you got three of your own!" he joked.

I didn't answer, just staring down at my plate. I couldn't understand how a brother could let their sister take the blame and get sent away for something that, in fact, he himself could have done to his own girlfriend. It seemed, in my mind, like Soda sending _me_ away for accidentally getting pregnant while, on the other hand, I knew full well that he was having sex with Sandy.

Nobody noticed, everybody digging into their pancakes and ignoring my silence and the fact that I'd stopped eating. For a while, anyway.

"You okay, Scout?" Pony stopped to stare at me, finally having read into my anxiety.

"Yeah… I'm just not that hungry," I said. "Can I be excused?"

Darry looked at me with concern.

"You alright? You feeling sick again?"

"No, I'm fine, it's just…" I trailed off. I didn't want to get into what was upsetting me. Not right then, anyway. After I had just resolved all my stress with Steve, no less.

"Scout…" He started in on me again. "What's the problem? I'm serious - you don't feel good, you need to tell me. No more hiding it like last time. Nobody wants you ending up in the hospital again."

"_It's nothing_. I just want to go take a shower. I'm fine," I grumbled. "I can't explain it."

He reached out to put his head on my forehead and I pulled away.

"I'm _not _sick, Dar."

"Then let me feel your forehead."

"Look, I just …"

"_Darry_..."

I was surprised to hear Soda speak up for me. Darry looked over at him. I looked over at Pony, who had stopped shoveling pancakes into his mouth at Soda's interruption.

"She gets… you know, _girl_ stuff, now. Cramps, and stuff," he said, less embarrassed than I would have expected, though I saw Pony squirming a bit. Soda must have become a bit more sympathetic to all of that stuff from hanging around Sandy so much. That wasn't the problem, right then, but I was willing to accept that suggestion, in order to be excused. Darry didn't respond right away.

"Go ahead," he said, finally, eying me somewhat skeptically.

"Thanks," I took my plate to the sink and rinsed it off, heading to the shower.

I stood under the water in the shower for a long time, just thinking. I couldn't imagine this brother Sandy had. I thought of my own brothers, and the only other older brother to a sister that I really knew – Two-Bit. Would he stick up for Katie, or send her away, I wondered, if she messed up? I'd asked Darry about it before, and he'd reassured me that it wouldn't happen, but there was no denying it, Sandy's whole situation – and how her family had handled it - still bothered me.

I got dressed and was sitting on my bed brushing my hair when I heard a knock.

"Yeah?"

Darry opened the door a crack and peeked in.

"It's fine, you can come in."

"You okay?"

"I'm fine. Really." I put down the brush. I felt bad – for the first time since he'd had to deal with being my guardian, he actually looked nervous. He was unknowingly shaking a bottle of aspirin, and he was never fidgety like that – Soda was the one who couldn't ever be completely still.

"I think… there's something else girls use for this kinda thing - that's better - I'll ask Alison. But, for now - _here_. This might help." He opened the container and poured out a couple pills, holding them out to me. I felt bad then, for lying.

"I don't have cramps, Dar. It's… It wasn't that."

He seemed oddly relieved, not really knowing how to deal with my "girl stuff" and feeling a lot more confident about handling my non-gender related stresses, I guessed. He closed his hand around the pills and funneled them back into the bottle, moving the brush from where I'd set it on the bed and sitting down next to me.

"Then what?" he asked. "What's got you upset? You still upset about last night? I told you I thought it was too soon."

I felt a little silly. Compared to all I'd gone through with Steve, this worry seemed pretty dumb.

"No, It's not about Steve. It's just… It doesn't really make any sense. It's nothing, really. You probably wouldn't understand anyway," I stammered.

"Try me," he said. I sighed. I owed him at least a good attempt at an explanation.

"I never knew that Sandy had a brother."

"Yeah, you seemed surprised. What does that matter?"

"You wouldn't get it."

"_Scout…_"

"Fine. I just… I never thought that she might've had a brother who let her get sent away, too. How _could_ he? I know, you said _you_ wouldn't, before, but… I mean, I know you and Soda, you've – well, you've _been _with girls… I mean, if I was with a boy and something happened, by accident? I thought it was just that Sandy had a mean Dad, but - if she had a brother, and he agreed, too…" I was talking too fast to be making sense.

"Scout, no. Stop it. We've been through this. You're not Sandy. I'm not Sandy's brother. This is _your_ family- we're Curtises. We don't copy what other families do; we do what's right for us."

"I just can't believe her brother would make her go away. I don't want to think that way about you guys."

"They _aren't us_, baby. You can't judge our family by what others do."

"I'm scared, still. I'm scared I'm gonna mess up, somehow" I whispered, staring down at my feet. "I don't want to get sent away for it."

"You won't. You're not doing anything that could make you pregnant, anyway, right?"

"I told you, _no_. No chance. I'm just thinking about what could have happened without it even being my fault."

"Baby, you need to stop worry about all these 'what ifs.' You're worrying yourself silly over things that probably won't even happen. I swear, you and your brother both – I wish I knew how to just turn it off for the both of you. You're gonna drive yourselves crazy." There was no doubt he was referring to Ponyboy – Soda got worried occasionally but wasn't really the type to dwell on things.

I didn't answer. I wished it too.

He stood up suddenly, patting me on the back, grabbing a hand to pull me up, and squeezing.

"C'mon, lets get you out of this funk. You all set to head over to your coach's house?"

"Yeah." I followed him out into the living room. Soda was on the phone and turned to us.

"Hey, Dar, Can you drop me off at Sandy's on your way? She can bring me back later."

"Yeah, it'll cost you though," Darry joked.

"Yeah, okay. Just add it to my bill," Soda answered, turning back to the phone. "He said yeah, so I'll see you in a few." He paused. "Yeah, you too," he said, and hung up. I was sure Sandy had just told him she loved him, and he'd given the typical guy answer –"You too." I stared at him and shook my head.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You're a nut, Scout. And someday I'm gonna crack you," he laughed.

"You're all nuts," Darry said, messing with Soda's hair.

"Hey, no messing with perfection," Soda said, laughing and backing away, swatting at Darry.

"Where is nut number three, anway?" Darry asked.

"He's outside poisoning himself," Soda said, and Darry sighed.

"You stop supplying the poison, he'll stop smokin' it," Darry pointed out.

"I got my own job now," Pony said, just as the three of us appeared on the porch. "You ain't got to buy them for me, Soda." Soda shrugged. I knew he still would.

"Listen," Darry looked over at Pony. "No smoking at Coach's house today, okay? Don't even bring the pack."

"Why?"

That had to be the question Darry dreaded most from Pony. He always wanted a reason for everything, and it drove Darry nuts.

"Just cause I'm asking, okay, Pony? Can't that just be _enough_, sometimes?" I really didn't want to start off the holiday with Pony and Darry fighting.

"Pony..." I started, shooting him a look that I hoped he would read as "_Please… not now._"

"Alright," he said, and stuck the pack between the couch cushions. "Just 'cause you said so, Dar." And he even smiled a little.

Darry turned and headed toward the truck, but not before I saw a small smile cross his face, too. Pony usually didn't pass up an opportunity to argue with Darry, and this small show of maturity was a welcome surprise.

Little did I know, I was about to find out that Pony was finally maturing in other ways too – namely, starting to show an interest in something fondly referred to as the opposite sex. He had no idea what awaited him at the cookout – but, as it turned out, he wouldn't be disappointed.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**That is a happy little cliffhanger, for once...**

**A/N: I know, it has been FOREVER since I posted and nobody is more annoyed about it than I am!! Real life has seriously killed my muse. This was kind of an anticlimactic way to get back into it but after the confrontation with Steve I needed to ease back into things. Thank you so much to those of you who read and review no matter how long I make you wait... you are very appreciated! Coming up soon: court (again), a surprise trip, and Scout's freshman year! (eek!)**


	60. The Spat

Despite my concerns about Darry and Pony starting the day off with an argument, it was Pony and me who got into it in the car, fighting over – of all things – Ben. He started as soon as we had dropped off Soda, who hopped down from the truck bed and took off with a wave and a goofy grin, yelling over his shoulder.

"See y'all tonight!"

Darry honked and pulled back out into the street.

"Ben coming over tonight for the fireworks?" Pony asked, in a tone I couldn't quite decipher.

"Yeah," I replied. "_So?_"

"Darry's right, you two spend too much time together. You're still too young." I didn't know where he was coming from, all of a sudden, but I wasn't appreciating his commentary. And Darry hadn't ever said anything to me about us spending too much time together.

"Darry doesn't mind," I snapped, "and Ben and Kevin have always come over on the Fourth. Right, Dar?" Darry didn't answer, just looking over at the two of us. I suddenly wished I didn't always have to sit in the middle.

"Yeah, well Ben wasn't stickin' his tongue down your throat back then," Pony sneered.

"Pony!" I exploded, "_Shut up!_" I didn't think any of my brothers had seen that happening.

"Scout…" Darry started, but I wasn't having it.

"Don't even start with me, Darry. I'm not doing anything you and Soda weren't doing at my age, and you know it! Just because Pony's jealous…"

"Yeah, that's right, Scout," he sneered. "I'm _jealous_. I wanna be making out with Ben Cummings. I don't _think_ so."

"You know what, Pony? You don't have any idea what Ben and I do, unless you're spying on us, which would make you even more of a total _jerk_! And you're just jealous because we all have somebody – Darry has Ali, Soda has Sandy, and I have Ben – and you've got _nobody!_ You'd rather read a _book_ than kiss a girl!"

I was getting mean and I knew it, but – after all – he _had_ started it.

"Yeah, well, maybe I ain't interested in bein' nothin' but free entertainment for the opposite sex," Pony spat, and I honestly felt like he had slapped me.

"That's enough, Pony," Darry snapped. "That's your _sister _you're talking about, for Christ's sake."

I closed my eyes, fuming, and wanting to cry. Was that what Pony thought about me, then, really? That I was some cheap, trashy girl? Did he think I liked what Steve had done to me - how he'd touched me? Did he think I'd _ever_ take lightly any boy touching me, anywhere, in any way, ever again? I drew in a breath, trying with all my will not to cry, since there would be no way of hiding it, stuck in the cab of the truck, between the two of them.

I failed; Darry saw immediately that I was about to cry and pulled into the parking lot of a church.

I kept my hands over my face; the last thing I wanted was for Pony to have the satisfaction of seeing that he'd made me cry.

"_Jesus_, you two… I thought you were getting along now."

"She started it," Pony said.

"I didn't," I whispered through my hands. "Just because I like Ben… I'm not…a tramp, or some kind of cheap girl. Kissing a boy doesn't make me trashy. I _like_ him."

"Darry tried to pry my hands off my face.

"No, you're not. And Pony knows that, he's just being a pain."

"I didn't say that," Pony snapped. "but I ain't jealous of y'all, either. I'm perfectly happy not dating anyone. I don't know why you can't just _get_ that."

"Then why do you always have to give me such a hard time about Ben?" I wiped my eyes and lowered my hands from my face. "You never pick on Soda about Sandy, or Darry about Alison. Just because I'm younger doesn't mean you get to make me feel like some sort of tramp because I kissed someone."

"I wasn't saying that." He looked over at Darry. "I _wasn't_."

I just stared down at the floor of the truck.

"It's just… it ain't too comfortable to be around you and Ben now that you're all over each other."

"We're _not_."

"You _better _not be," Darry said.

"We're not. Don't exaggerate it, Pony, just to get me in trouble. All we even do is just kiss. Soda and Sandy are way worse, if you want to talk about being all over each other."

"_Soda_ ain't my kid sister."

"Yeah, well I'm not gonna be a kid forever," I grumbled.

"Look, Pone," Darry started, "I see your point. Believe me, Scout growing up is taking some getting used to for me, too. But that doesn't make it okay for you to say stuff like that."

"Sorry… I wasn't tryin' to say that you were cheap. I just don't think you should be gettin' into things over your head with him."

"I'm not. I won't."

Darry sighed, realizing that this was probably just one of what was sure to be many arguments between two stubborn yet sensitive teenagers.

"Can we get back on the road, here, or do you two want to keep this going until one of you actually draws blood?" He looked over as us with a skeptical grin.

"Let's go," I said. "I'm over it. I should be used to Pony being a jerk by now anyway," I said, and Pony fake-shoved me against Darry.

"Not while I'm driving, you two," Darry warned. "Once we get there if you want to kill each other, fine, but I'm not going to let my truck be a victim of you two being imbeciles."

"Oooh… _imbeciles_…Darry used a big word!" Pony mocked, and I giggled. Every now and then he would come up with a word that was totally unexpected and served to remind us just how smart he actually was.

"You two are gonna drive me crazy before we even get to this party," he muttered, and both Pony and I were set off on a giggling fit that lasted until we pulled up at Coach K.'s house.

"Listen, you two," he turned to face us before we got out of the truck, "I'm here trying to make business contacts. Behave yourselves. Save the nonsense for when we're back at our own house, okay?"

"Okay." Pony and I answered in unison, both of us trying not to giggle any more.

Darry shook his head and hopped out of the truck just as Coach and Laura came around the side of the house.

"Darry," he said, putting Laura down since she was just about ready to leap out of his arms to get to me. "Glad you could make it." He came over and grabbed his shoulder. "Nice to see you too, Ponyboy."

"Hi,Coach," Pony said, looking a little uncomfortable. I guessed he wasn't sure whether he was supposed to hang out with the adults or the kids. I'd never really seen him around a little kid – he tended to avoid our littlest cousins. I picked up Laura.

"Hey Laura, this is Ponyboy, my brother," I said, and was met with immediate laughter.

"_Pony!_ Pony! Boy!" she laughed again.

"I get that from all the girls," Pony joked, and suddenly he seemed comfortable again.

"Well, come on around back, guys," Coach said. "I'll introduce you around. Joe's already put out a good word for you – says the repairs you did on his house are more solid than the original ever was." Pony and I followed along behind them, Pony seemingly led by his nose right over to the table where hamburgers, hot dogs and a full array of salads awaited him. He had started filling up a plate before I could even blink. Meanwhile, I chased Laura over to her swingset. She pulled on the baby swing.

"_Push!_" She demanded. "Cowt! Push!"

"What's the magic word?"

"_Police!_ Push!" I had to laugh at her use of "police" instead of "please."

I lifted her up and pushed her, watching as Coach got Darry a Pepsi and introduced him around. There was a whole lot of hand-shaking and back-slapping and it made me sad, in a way, that Darry didn't get to interact with other adults like that more often – he was stuck with us. Two-Bit was closest to him in age, but comparing his interactions with Two-Bit to how he was acting around these neighborhood husbands was different. They were older than him – by a few years, at least, but it seemed like now that he was the man of the house he had far more in common with them than somebody like Two-Bit or Kevin. He was talking and laughing and seemed so relaxed, almost like he was one of those young Dads, knowing his kids were safe playing in the yard and just hanging out with his buddies.

A couple of other young kids came over and asked me to push them on the swings, too, and after a while Dr. Bryant came over.

"Hey – it's nice to see you somewhere other than a hospital," he joked.

"You're not kidding," I laughed.

"Seriously, you look great. Everything's going okay?"

"Yeah. I haven't needed any stitches or surgery in a whole week now," I joked, and he laughed.

"So I haven't seen you around here – your brother still got you on house arrest?"

"No… I think I can start babysitting again this week. You could probably remind him that it's okay for me to have a life again, though."

"I think I can probably sneak that into conversation," he said, smiling. "So, are you still going to babysit for Laura after this summer?"

"I guess so, if Coach still wants me to. Why?"

"Well, Linda and I – we're gonna be needing a babysitter of our own just after Christmas."

It took me a second to figure out what he meant, and he stood there smiling as he watched it sink in.

"Oh my gosh! Congratulations!" I laughed at my own naiveté.

"Thanks. We're real excited. Having Laura around kind of made us decide we wanted a family sooner rather than later."

That comment made me think again about Darry's situation. He'd gotten a family to take care of sooner rather than later, too – but he hadn't exactly chosen it. I looked over at him and he was still laughing and joking with the guys. I heard pieces of the conversation and it was obvious that they were talking sports.

"Hey, Dr. Bryant?"

"Yeah?"

"I went… to the therapist. Me and Soda."

"Oh. Well, since you're still speaking to me, I guess it didn't go that badly."

"No. It was just – well, different than I expected it to be."

"But it was okay?"

"Yeah. It was okay. Maybe even good. I'm not sure yet." I realized I still hadn't done my "homework" and talked to Darry about what I was feeling.

"Well, I'm glad," he said. "I only wanted you to go because I thought it would help you, you know that, right?"

"I know." I smiled at him. "Do you usually bring your work with you to neighborhood cookouts?"

"No," he laughed, "You're right. I should keep work at the office. It's just so nice to see you looking healthy that I had to come over and say hi."

"Well it feels pretty good too," I said, as Laura started getting bored with the swing.

"Out!" she demanded.

"You sure you're ready for all this?" I asked.

"I guess we'll find out in December," he joked, as I chased Laura over to the food table where her Mom caught her just before she grabbed the tablecloth, which, if she succeeded in pulling it down, would have landed a bowl of coleslaw on her head.

"Nice catch, Barbara," Darry quipped. "You'd make a good wide receiver."

"Oh, no," she laughed. "Sports is Mike's thing. But I appreciate the compliment. I guess you'll be well equipped someday when you have a toddler of your own, though."

I expected Darry to say something about how it would be a million years before he had a kid of his own, but he didn't.

"I guess so," was his reply. I realized that, without us to take care of, Darry could well be married with a kid in four or five years, after college. Just one more thing he might have to put on hold because of us.

I filled up a plate with food – I was sort of hungry after avoiding the purple pancakes that morning, and sat down on the side of Laura's sandbox to eat. The little kids seemed to be running out of steam – a few were actually napping on blankets in the grass – and I looked around, wondering where Pony had gotten off to. It took me a while to find him, and when I did, I was completely shocked.

He was sitting in between Coach and Dr. Bryant's houses, leaning back against a tree. Sitting next to him – _right _next to him was a girl! Not just any girl – a _cute _girl, who, upon further inspection, I noted, had curves in all the right places. Pony was talking to her, laughing, and the expression on his face was one I had never seen before, on him. It was what Darry looked like when he looked at Alison. I actually laughed out loud.

No more than an hour after he had assured us that he was perfectly happy by himself, Pony was making eyes at a _girl_! My first instinct was to run over to Darry and point it out, but I knew that would just make Pony mad, if he thought I was making fun of him, so I didn't. I just sat there and watched, for close to an hour. There was nothing more illicit than giggling going on, but I was fascinated. It was a side of Pony I had never seen before – he seemed completely relaxed in a way that I had never seen him act with anyone other than Soda or Johnny. Seeing him that way – it made _me _giddy in a strange way, and I felt bad for picking on him earlier. It was clear to me, suddenly – that _of course_ he wished he had someone special of his own, but just wanting that somebody doesn't just make them suddenly magically appear.

It was Laura that brought me out of my daze.

"_Cowt! Come_!" She stood about ten feet away, yelling. I stood up, walking over to her. She grabbed my hand and dragged me up. I dropped my paper plate in the trash and followed her to where Coach and Darry stood talking, as Laura interrupted, tugging on his arm.

"Okay, Daddy. 'Cowt! 'Cowt here!" Coach laughed.

"Good Job, Laura." He picked her up, kissing her cheek.

"Hey," Darry looked over at me. "You about ready? Where's Pony gone off to, anyway?"

"Yeah…I'll get him," I said, knowing he wouldn't want Darry catching him off guard. I turned back to Coach K. "Thanks for having us over."

"My pleasure. Darry said you can start back again tomorrow? Laura's missed you. We've had to leave her with Barb's mom, and that's been harder on everybody. Not that it's your fault, of course!" he reassured me.

"No, that's great! I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning then!" I was glad he and Darry had already worked that out, with no pleading necessary on my part.

"Perfect," Coach said.

"_Pawfict!"_ Laura mimicked, and we all laughed.

"So, Dar, I'll get Pony and we'll meet you at the truck, 'kay?"

"Fine. Hurry up, though, I gotta get the grill goin' for our ribs tonight." Dad always said the secret to a great barbecue was "aged" charcoal – that is, a grill that had been burning for a few hours before you started cooking on it. I was glad to see that Darry was following tradition.

"Okay." I ran off towards where I'd seen Pony and they both were still there, that same goofy look in their eyes.

"Pony, it's time to go. Darry's waiting at the truck."

He seemed completely shocked to hear my voice and looked for a minute like he didn't even know who I was. Then, just as quickly, the spell was broken. He turned to the girl, explaining my presence.

"Uh, this is my sister, Scout. Scout, this is Tricia… uh, Patricia."

"Nice to meet you," I said. She blushed.

"Can you give me a minute?" Pony asked. "I'll meet you at the truck, okay?"

"Okay," I said, and it was immediately understood that as far as picking on each other about interactions with the opposite sex, a truce had been initiated.

I ran back to the truck and jumped in.

"Pony'll be here in a minute," I said, out of breath. Darry stared at me.

"_What?_"

"What's with you?"

"Nothing." I couldn't help it, I was grinning from ear to ear. I reached over and tickled Darry to distract him. As he easily swatted me away, Pony came over to the car and climbed in,his face completely unreadable. I sat up as Darry started the truck, staring out the windshield. About halfway home, Pony broke the silence.

"Hey Dar… do you think I could invite somebody to the barbecue tonight? Her Dad can drive her… and pick her up, too."

I bit back a smile.

"Yeah," Darry said, trying to hide the amusement in his voice. "I think that'll be fine, Pone."

I swear, I could actually feel it, as Pony turned toward the passenger window and smiled what I knew was a real, genuine smile. It had been a long time, and it was a good feeling.


	61. The Barbecue

**A/N: I greatly apologize for the huge lapse in posting. This story is NOT abandoned, I've just had a huge amount of difficulty moving it along from one place to another. It's writing itself all the time in my head - it's just been difficult to get through this one particular part, and I've had more than a few distractions this summer. I hope I haven't lost all of my readers and reviewers ... please stick with me - the end of summer and the beginning of Scout's high school years will be interesting. Thanks for your patience!**

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As nice as it had been to see Coach and and Laura, I was really glad to get back home. Soda was already back from Sandy's house, and he was playing with the grill while she sat on the steps talking to him and looking at him in that way that assured me that she really loved him, and made me glad that – after all that had happened – they had found each other again.

Darry eventually took over grill duty and Soda and Sandy stole away to the side of the house. For a minute I considered going into my bedroom and spying on the two of them out my window, but just then Ben came out of his door and I felt my heart skip a beat. He was just showered, wearing nicer clothes than I was used to seeing on him. He grabbed onto his balcony railing, lifting up a foot to tie his shoe. I couldn't help but notice the muscles tense in his other leg as it adjusted, and realize how strong he was getting.

"What are you staring at?" he laughed, coming down the stairs to meet me, sliding his arm around my waist. I noticed his hair had lightened in the summer sun, like mine, and wispy strands of almost-blond framed his face.

"Your muscles," I said, bemused.

"Yeah, right," he laughed.

"No, I'm serious," I said, squeezing his side where it used to be soft when I'd tickled him, but was now rock solid. "You just look… different. I bet you're gonna be taller than Kevin."

"Yeah," he grinned, grabbing my hand as I squeezed him. "We'll see. Unfortunately, I don't think you're gonna ever be bigger than Darry."

"I hope not," I joked, as he tried to squeeze my waist and I shrieked, getting the attention of Darry.

"You two stay outside," he warned. I still had to laugh at whatever he was worried we were going to be doing in the house. It wasn't going to happen. But I couldn't help being annoyed that Soda and Sandy were probably inside alone.

"How come Soda gets to go wherever he wants with Sandy?" I asked, sitting down on the porch with Ben. "Seems like you should be a whole lot more worried about what Soda's doing than us. Why's he allowed to be all alone inside with a girl?"

"He isn't," Darry answered as he turned the coals on the grill. "Soda, get out here," he called.

"What?" he answered from inside the house.

"Get the ribs and come out here," Darry called. Soda and Sandy appeared at the door, both flushed. Soda went over to give Darry the meat, setting it on a plate on the makeshift table Darry had made of grocery crates. There was some sort of mumbled exchange and I saw Soda glance at Ben and me on the stairs. I stuck my tongue out at him, and he came over.

"Me and Sandy weren't doin' anything in the house, you know. We were just talkin'."

"Yeah, okay."

"I'm serious. I don't wanna be a bad example for you two any more than Darry wants me to be."

"Who says me and Scout care what you two do anyway?" Ben asked, and I had to smile. As much as everyone thought the two of us were up to no good when we were alone, we really weren't. We hadn't really talked about doing anything more than just kissing, but I was pretty sure we were both on the same page, and not in any huge hurry to take things to the next level.

"I don't know when you guys will get it through your head that just because you do something it doesn't mean I'm going to. I have a brain of my own, you know," I added. Soda reached out to mess up my hair but I dodged his hand. Ben counterattacked, trying to get him, and a small tussle ensued. Sandy and I rolled out eyes at each other.

"_Boys…_" she said.

"Hey…Pony's having a girl over tonight," I said, and all three of their heads snapped around to look at me.

"No way," Soda said, suddenly forgetting about messing with anyone's hair.

"_Who?_" Ben asked.

"Good for him!" Sandy smiled.

"He met some girl at Coach K's cookout. I don't know her, I don't think she goes to our school."

"Is she cute?" Soda asked.

"What's her name?" Ben asked at the same time.

"Tricia," I responded, "and she's cute, I guess. I only met her for a minute. Pony spent the whole time with her though."

"Well, it's about time," Soda griped. "I was starting to worry that he might never show any interest in the ladies." He laughed and I realized that maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.

"Look, don't give him a hard time, okay? You know how embarrassed he gets. Don't act like a jerk with the girl around, especially since she doesn't know any of us." I felt kind of bad about what I'd said to Pony that morning… he deserved to have someone special just as much as the rest of us did. And while Sandy and Ben and, for the most part, Alison, were used to the nonsense that regularly occurred around our house, this poor girl really had no idea what she was in for.

"Don't worry," Sandy said. "I'll make sure he behaves." She kissed his neck gently and he smiled.

"I'll be good. I promise." Soda pulled her into his lap just as Pony came out onto the porch.

"Darry, Tricia's Dad wants to talk to you on the phone," he called. Both Sandy and I stared at Soda, and he kept his mouth shut, just smiling. Tang wandered out onto the porch as Darry went inside, providing temporary free entertainment for us all. He crouched in the tall grass growing along the edge of the porch, where the mower couldn't reach, and proceeded to stalk fireflies.

He got a little bit more than he bargained for, however, when he leaped forward towards the corner of the house just as Two-Bit came around it. Both parties seemed equally startled, Tang taking off with a howl, and Two-Bit jumping back with a yelp.

"Whoa, there, Mr. Tangerine man… You gotta watch your manners there, little man. That's no way to welcome a man and his lady!" Following Two-Bit around the corner, her hand in his, was a girl I hadn't seen before. So this was the mystery girl he'd been dating for months. To my great surprise, she wasn't blond. In fact, her hair was practically the same rusty color as Two-Bit's own. If I didn't know better, I have thought it was his sister.

"Hey y'all," he walked over, and I saw no reason he'd kept her a secret so long – she was actually real pretty and a far cry less – shall I say – _questionable_ looking than a lot of other girls I'd seen him with.

"This is Dottie," he said, introducing each of us in turn. "There'll be a quiz later, so pay attention," he joked, pulling her tight against him, and she smiled and laughed quietly, making me suspect that her own shyness might be what had convinced Two-Bit to get to know her better before subjecting her to the chaos that was the Curtis house. "Hey, where's Superman?" he asked, looking around.

"He's inside," Soda laughed and both Sandy and I shot him glances about not mentioning Pony's new friend. He seemed to get it. There was no need, anyway, because Darry came out the door not a minute later, Pony following with a look on his face that clearly indicated things had gone well with Tricia's dad.

Two-Bit made the necessary introductions between Dottie and Darry and Pony, warning Pony to "keep his hands to himself, that she was a taken lady," and Soda just couldn't hold back any longer.

"Oh, don't worry, Two-Bit. Pony's got a lady friend of his own coming over," he burst out, and Sandy and I both glared at him, both of us knowing he just couldn't help himself. I felt bad, knowing I never should have said anything in the first place.

"Ooooh, Is that so?" Two-Bit hopped right on board, grabbing a beer from the cooler Soda had set up on the porch and putting his arm around Pony, dragging him over to a corner of the porch, and starting in right away with the questions. "So now what exactly dos this little lady look like?" he was asking as he sat him down. "And I'm talking, like, dimensions, you know what I mean…legs, curves…"

Soda and I both just looked on, amused, as Pony turned from pink to a nice crimson. But he didn't look mad, at least.

Sandy and Dottie started on a conversation about schools – Dottie was transferring into Rogers in the fall – and wanted to know what teachers to avoid, and I was surprised to hear Darry calling me up on the porch.

"Scout, can you come in the house for a minute?" Ben looked at me and I shrugged. I wasn't sure what more there was to lecture me about – Ben and I were sitting right out in the open, with all four hands in plain sight. I squeezed his hand and headed inside, Darry holding the door open for me. He led me all the way through the house back into the kitchen.

"What's up?" I asked. "It's fine, I mean… me and Ben will stay outside."

"Ben and _I_," Darry corrected.

"Yeah, okay, Ponyboy," I said, sarcastically. "Ben and _I_ will stay outside."

"I know," he said. "It ain't that."

"It _isn't_ that," I corrected, and he cracked a smile.

"Touché. Okay…. It _isn't_ that," he said. "Look, I need you to do me a favor tonight"

"_Me?_ Okay, I guess. What?"

"Well, this girl Pony's got coming over… her dad's real concerned about it, you know, her being supervised and all."

"Oh, jeez…I can't _imagine _what that must be like…" The sarcasm was inevitable.

"Yeah, funny," he ignored my tone. "Her dad's only letting her come over because we actually met at the cookout, though we didn't know Pony and Tricia were, well… hitting it off."

"I don't get it. What does it have to do with me?"

"I just want you to keep an eye on her. Maybe you and Ben could hang out with her and Pony. And don't let Two-Bit try any of his usual crap trying to get you guys to drink beer. Pony deserves this; I don't want us ruining it for him. If he likes this girl, I don't want us messing it up."

I was sort of speechless. First, I didn't know Darry knew about Two-Bit always trying to get me and Pony to drink at parties. Secondly, I thought it was pretty smart that Darry was making me the chaperone. Pony would Darry hanging around him all night to no end, but if he was with a girl for the first time, he might not mind having me and Ben - and Anna, who would be coming with Ali = being around.

"Okay… I guess. I mean, Dar… you _know_ Pony's not gonna try anything." There was no way. Pony was the most innocent of all of us.

"No, I know. And I know you and Ben aren't either. But it's my job to worry about it. And it's not our family I'm worried about misbehaving, so much… it's our guests."

"I get it," I said. We all loved Two-Bit to death, but he could get a little unpredictable, especially at parties. "Okay."

"Thanks," he said, squeezing my shoulders. "Now, I could use your help with the corn. Soda shucked it… you mind doing corn duty while I mind the grill?"

Mom and I had always done the corn while Dad worked the grill. Just another "first" without them. I nodded, biting back my lip but not crying.

"I'll send in Pony, to keep you company," he said, "and Ben."

"Okay." This was clearly a concession. I guess Ben and I could stay together if Pony was around, too. I realized this could work in all of our favor if Pony got a serious girl… we 'd at least be allowed in the house as a group.

"Okay. Don't burn the ribs," I said as he headed out the door and I heard him chuckle. Our Mom had always worried that our Dad would, and he never did. He always stood at the grill the whole time, watching the boys play football, and talking with each of them, in turn, cooking the ribs to a perfect tenderness. I felt a little sad, thinking about the boys.

I felt the space they'd left, too… Dally, and Johnny… even Steve. For as long as I could remember, they'd all come to our fourth of July barbecue, all three spending the night on the living room floor. There were new people, now – Alison, Anna, Two-Bit and Pony's new girls – but it didn't fill the void, really. I was so glad that Pony had found someone – I had a feeling he'd otherwise be missing Johnny pretty awful.

As it was, he was downright chipper - to the point that when he and Ben came in, Pony was nothing but chatter. Ben looked stunned. Pony had never been outright rude to him, but he certainly wasn't usually spilling his guts. Suddenly he was telling Ben all about this girl – and I just let them keep on talking, listening for my own information. Even more stunning was when Pony opened the refrigerator and started taking stuff out.

"What are you doing?" I asked, dumping the first dozen ears of corn into the pot and accidentally splashing myself with boiling water.

"Jesus, be careful," Ben came over to the stove. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I said, sucking on my hand where the water had scalded it. "Seriously, Pone, what are you doing."

"I'm mixing up the cole slaw. Just figured Darry might appreciate the help."

I was still shaking my head as Ben was handing me ice in a towel and sitting me down at the table, inspecting my burn. Lord knows; if I thought getting a girl was going to make Pony more eager to help out, I would have been a whole lot more proactive about finding him one, I thought, listening to him talk away to Ben, smiling despite myself.

…...

Later that night, all of us stuffed with Dad's famous ribs - cooked perfectly by Darry - and more corn and cole slaw and roasted marshmallows than necessary, we all sat out on the porch as the fireworks display was about to begin.

There was a slight breeze – surprising for the middle of summer – and while it wasn't enough to make it cold, it was just enough to keep the bugs away. Two-Bit had behaved himself, and everyone had gotten along, despite the fact that quite a few other guys from the neighborhood had shown up. Knowing the view from our house was good – and lured by the small of barbecue – they quietly appeared, bringing their own beer and food and shaking hands and exchanging greetings with Darry and Soda..

I sat on the porch stairs, Ben sitting on the step behind me as I leaned back against his chest and he rubbed my shoulders. I looked around, trying not to focus on what had changed since the last fourth of July, but trying to be happy about what I still had: my brothers and Ben – and I felt happy to see my brothers being happy.

Darry and Ali stood against the fence, her head on his shoulder, his arm around his waist. Soda and Sandy sat behind me, arm in arm on the porch couch, while Pony and Tricia sat on the porch railing, just holding hands. Even Anna had found a mystery guy to sit with out on the lawn. I'd have to find out more about that later. I looked around and saw that even Two-Bit stood still, arms around Dottie as he watched the fireworks explode, permeating the sky with color, and making everyone's faces look surreal in the light.

For the fifteen minutes or so while the fireworks display lit up the skies, everything seemed still and calm and – as much as it had been, or could _ever _be, over the past year – perfect.


	62. The Tires

I climbed into bed content that night, well past midnight, despite knowing I was going back to babysitting Laura the next day. We had all stayed up late, taking advantage of Darry's good mood, even after Sandy, Ali, Anna and Tricia had gone home. My brothers and Kevin and Ben and I had all sat up late after the fireworks watching the grill fire die out and talking. It was well after eleven before Darry came to his senses and scurried me off to bed, along with Pony and Soda.

"Jesus, Scout, first day back to work, you don't wanna be fallin' asleep," he warned, trying to get me to go inside.

"You gotta work too," I countered, "and you walk around on roofs all day. Least I'm not gonna fall to my death if I get tired."

Yeah, we all better get to bed," he grinned. I could tell it had been a good night for him – all of us had behaved, he and Alison had some serious make-out time – I had checked them out a few times during the fireworks, kissing – and the night had ended with all of us safe and sound.

"We should get goin', Ben," Kevin said, taking Darry's cue.

"Okay," he said, turning back to me. "Night Scout. Happy Fourth."

"Night, " I answered, kissing him on the cheek. I wanted to kiss him on the lips, but with all three brothers watching, it wasn't worth the teasing.

"Tomorrow," he whispered in my ear and I giggled, as he let go and hurried off back to his house.

"What'd he say?" Soda demanded, seeing me blush and laugh.

"Nothing," I replied, as we all headed back into the house. Darry dumped water on the grill as a final farewell to the year's Fourth festivities, then followed us in and shut the front door, locking it. I collapsed onto the couch along with Pony and Soda, and Soda turned on the TV. I think we were all trying to see if Darry would remember how late it was. He did.

"You guys get to bed," he called out from where he was cleaning up in the kitchen, not five minutes later.

"Guess that didn't work," Soda said, snapping the television back off.

"Night Scout," Pony and Soda both tapped me on the head as they headed off to their room. I followed, changing into my pajamas while I could hear Pony and Soda talking non-stop in their bedroom – about Pony's new girl, I assumed, though I couldn't hear much.

It didn't seem fair that Darry should have to clean up alone, so I wandered back out into the kitchen in my pajamas and startled him as he stood washing dishes at the sink.

"You want some help with that?"

He jumped.

"Christ, Scout, you gotta stop that."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to. Just… why don't you leave it. I'll help you with it tomorrow. You hafta work tomorrow morning too."

"I'm okay." Looking at him, however, he was clearly exhausted.

"_Darry_." For the first time ever, I think he knew that I knew he was lying.

He hesitated, but gave in, throwing the dishtowel into the sink.

"Okay," his face softened. "You win, this time." He threw his hand around my shoulder and walked me back to my room.

"Thanks for your help tonight," he said, "you know, with Pony," he added, quietly.

"Did _you_ have a good time?" I asked, "with Ali?" I knew the answer but wanted to hear it from him.

"Real good," he smiled.

"I'm glad," I said, squeezing him around the waist. "Go to bed, Darry. Don't clean up, or fight with us, or anything. Just go to bed, with happy thoughts, for once. We're all home, we're all safe – just go to bed."

He stood there staring, for a moment.

"After you," he smiled, pointing toward my bed.

"Okay," I smiled back, "but I can hear everything you do, so if you go back to washing dishes, I'll hear it and come out and make you stop."

He laughed out loud, something I loved to hear.

"You go to bed, and so will I. I promise."

"Okay. Night." I turned and headed into my bedroom.

"Night," he squeezed my shoulder as I headed into my room and he passed by on the way to his.

I threw back the covers and settled in, running over the events of the day in my head… Pony seeming happy, watching Darry with Alison and Soda with Sandy… feeling the warmth of Ben's arms around me as we all watched the fireworks. I heard Pony and Soda's voices trail off as they descended into sleep and, not long after, heard Darry's low snore through the wall.

"Happy Birthday, America!" I whispered… It was the toast our Dad had always offered at our barbecue, but nobody had remembered to say it this time. Despite that, I fell asleep nothing but glad for Ben and my brothers, the girls that made them happy, and the fact that we all seemed to be doing the best we could, despite the circumstances. It was a sound sleep, and early in the morning, as I felt the sun coming through the window, and became aware of my surroundings, I wished I could sleep like that every night. I rolled over and fell back asleep, smiling.

I awoke with a start, to Soda yelling from outside the front door.

"Shit, Dar. Come out here. We got trouble."

I struggled to wake up as fast as I could, shaking the disorientation away even as I tripped over my sheets getting out of bed. Trouble was the last thing we needed. And the last thing I wanted to see, though something in me told me I had to find out what was going on.

By the time I made it into the living room, everyone else was outside. I was totally confused. Soda was rarely the first one up – most of the time it was Darry – so I couldn't understand how Soda would know there was any sort of trouble before Darry would. But I followed the voices, and was heading out the front door as Pony joined me. I pushed open the screen door, momentarily blinded by the morning sun, feeling Pony's hand around my shoulder.

I couldn't see anything, blinded, but I could hear Darry, cursing to beat the band.

"What the hell?" Pony must have been shielded from the sun, and he ran down to join the others, as I waited for my eyes to adjust.

Finally, as I grabbed onto the porch railing, the glare subsided and my gaze settled on Darry, Soda, and Pony, surrounding a truck with four very flat tires.

It wasn't that I was stupid, but it took a good minute or so for me to get it, that all four tires don't just go flat at the same time naturally – someone had flattened them, intentionally. Somebody who was out to get Darry. Any calm I had felt watching the fireworks the night before immediately dissipated.

"You guys hear anything last night?" Darry asked Soda and Pony.

"No," they answered in unison. He looked up at me and I shook my head.

"Goddamn it," he slammed his hand down on the hood of the truck.

"Relax… It's no big deal, Dar," Soda approached him. "I can set you up with spares from the DX."

"That ain't the point," he snapped. "Somebody came here and did this. In my space. MY goddamn home, for Christ's sake!"

I got what he meant. I knew what it felt like to be hurt in your own territory.

"It's alright," Soda was trying to calm him down. "It's fine. I'll get you a ride to work. I'll take care of it." He wasn't fooling anyone – it was clear that Soda was just as upset as Darry was – he was just trying to hide it, and failing terribly.

"It ain't the point," Darry argued.

"It's okay," I spoke up, from the door. "Don't worry Dar – I can call and Coach can pick me up." I was worried he was upset about me being late for babysitting.

Darry looked up, seemingly shocked at hearing my voice, and I saw his gaze soften. Of course – he didn't want me worrying any more than I wanted him worrying.

"It's fine, Scout. I'll borrow Kevin's car. You get inside – start the eggs for breakfast, okay? I'll be there in a minute."

I hesitated, knowing he didn't want me to see him upset, but trying to think of something I could say. I came up empty.

"Go ahead, Scout," Soda said. "Pony, help her out, 'kay?" It was annoying sometimes, how they acted like we didn't know they were trying to get rid of us.

"Yeah, okay. Whatever," Pony answered, obviously as knowing as I was.

"What's going on?" I demanded, as soon as Pony and I were both in the kitchen.

"I don't know," he answered, grabbing the egg carton out of the fridge. "Who's out to get Darry?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I don't like it though… people coming in our yard at night."

He turned to face me and I knew he knew what I was thinking.

"Nobody's gonna hurt you in this house, Scout. I swear it. You're super-safe here. We can all hear into your room."

I drew in a breath and bit my lip. It was stupid, I knew it, but I said it anyway.

"It's not me I'm worried about… I know who hurt me – and he won't any more… I'm worried about Darry."

"What? You've got to be kidding me. Darry's fine. He's like, Goliath."

"_Pony…_" Apparently he had forgotten how things went for Goliath.

"Oh, right. You know what I mean though – anybody'd have to be crazy to mess with him."

"One on one, maybe," I answered. "but I just think…" I drew in a deep breath, shuddering despite myself.

"_What?_"

"I just think," I repeated, " there's more than one person after him. Darry's more than capable by himself, but against a whole bunch of guys… that's not fair."

"What makes you think there's more than one guy behind the tires?" he asked. "I know guys who've slashed tires by themselves. It ain't that hard, if nobody's around." I knew he meant Dallas, but I didn't bring it up.

"Pony, you were there, when those guys came after him…and he dealt with at least three of them without any help… If _you_ were after him, would YOU do it alone?"

He looked me in the eye.

"No. No way. And to be honest, I'd put those guys out of my mind, but you're right. It was most likely those guys. Dar's been getting a ton of the tornado repair work – they must be pissed."

It all made sense. I felt sick, knowing anyone wanted to do something to deliberately hurt him. He didn't deserve it…but I was sure that there was a whole posse of guys after Darry.

And it scared me.

It scared me, a lot.

Darry wasn't supposed to be vulnerable. He was supposed to be my rock - the wall separating me from any harm. I always assumed if he was there I was safe – and now somebody had slashed his tires – pierced his armor – and I was stuck in the kitchen wondering how I was going to get to work babysitting Laura.

"Good job guys," Darry broke through my haze, coming into the kitchen and squeezing my shoulder.

I turned, confused. Had he heard us talking? He recognized my confusion.

"The eggs," he clarified. "Good job."

Pony had been cooking while we'd talked – I hadn't even noticed. Darry and Soda both sat down and ate as though they hadn't a care in the world. I sat at the table but couldn't really eat much. That worried, sick feeling had come back and was settled into the pit of my stomach. Eventually I got up and put my dish in the sink.

"Ten minutes, okay?" Darry asked. "Kevin loaned me his car."

"Okay," I replied, and went to change into my clothes and pull myself together. It amazed me how quickly things could change – from the feeling of calm I'd had falling asleep the previous night to the feeling of sheer panic I felt right then. I was sitting on my bed thinking about it when Darry called.

"Scout, let's go!"

"I grabbed a bag I'd packed with a few things to do while Laura napped and followed him out the front door as we headed over to Kevin's car. I climbed in and sat in silence as Darry started it up and pulled out onto the street.

"OKay... Spill it," he said, after a minute or so, not even looking over at me.

"What?" I lied.

"I know you're upset about things, so what exactly are you worried about?" he asked.

"I don't want you getting hurt," I said, staring down at the floor. "Obviously people are out to get you."

"I'm fine. Slashing tires is a coward thing. They won't even confront me to my face. Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself."

I thought about that. I guess that made Dallas a coward too, for slashing tires. I wasn't so sure about that. Dallas always was kind of scary to me. And I felt kind of bad – that _I_ hadn't been able to take care of myself, and had gotten hurt. I wondered if Darry judged me for that, or if the rules were different for girls. I didn't really have a response for him, and, as I thought about it, we pulled up into Coach K's driveway. I reached for the door handle, still no response ready.

"Scout?"

"Yeah?" I looked over at him, opening the truck door at the same time.

"Have a great day. And don't worry about me, okay? I'm fine." He smiled and I wished more than anything that I could believe him.

"You have a good day, too," I tried to smile back at him. Remembering how much I had regretted not saying it the last time he'd dropped me off, I had to say it… "Love you, Dar."

I shut the door.

"You too," he winked at me, and in a flash, he was gone.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N: I know, right? I'm sure you thought this story would never be updated again. I was starting to worry myself. Scout and her saga still live on SO actively in my head - it's getting the time to write her that is so hard! One of my new year's resolutions is to try to update more frequently this year. If anyone is still reading, please let me know, though I can't blame you if you have all abondoned me!**


	63. The Drama

I watched Darry drive away, thinking how strange it was to see him in Kevin's car - and headed inside to see Coach and Laura. She was excited to see me, and Coach seemed pretty relieved to have me back as well.

"Not that I don't like Barb's mom, " he said, "but seeing her first thing every morning while you were sick was a little bit stressful," he laughed. "Someday when you have in-laws, you'll get it. Just - it's good to have you back, Scout."

"It's good to be back," I agreed, as Laura practically climbed up my leg. He gave me a few directions about things that had changed since the last time I was there – the biggest thing being that the room that had been their den was boarded up due to the tornado damage - and he was gone.

It was nice to be back to the normal routine of babysitting, though I knew it was only going to be for one more week. After that, summer school would be over and Coach would be home in the mornings, not needing me to babysit. There were still three more weeks of summer after that – I was looking forward to sleeping late and hanging around with Ben – and then it was back to school.

I was trying hard not to think about that – the idea of high school was making me cringe, so I was trying as hard as I could to deny it was really going to happen until the day I actually had to go. At least Ben and I had been in the same school building before… I wasn't looking forward to being alone. Pony and Two-Bit assured me to no end that I'd be fine, but I was skeptical at best. I felt too young to be in high school. Technically, I was. Or maybe I was just too scared.

Along with trying not to think about high school. I was desperately trying not to think about who might be after Darry - and why. Frankly, I almost wished it were Steve being after _me_ that I was still worried about – at least that fear had a face and a name. As for this – well, I had no idea who or what to be afraid of – and the fact that they were after _Darry_ – well, that was just plain terrifying. He was supposed to be Superman, after all – but I knew full well that even Superman had his kryptonite. They had already gotten to him once… there was no saying it wouldn't happen again, and be worse.

After I put down Laura for her nap, I sat on the couch in Coach's living room and tried to make sense of things. The thought of Darry as vulnerable was always surprising – up until the past year I'd never have thought anyone or anything could ever rattle him – but I knew better now. I'd seen him the night he'd been out drinking – I knew he had worries and insecurities as much as the rest of us. And I'd seen him after the guys had found him alone and worked him over. He was strong, he was determined – he was a formidable opponent, for sure – but he was alone.

I was sitting there, just about worrying myself into a frenzy, when all of a sudden I swore I heard his voice. Shaking my head and wondering for a second if I was losing my mind, I focused in on a noise I'd been hearing all day but ignoring. A noise that was faint but constant, that I hadn't registered for what it was… hammering. I knew Darry was still working in the neighborhood, since that's where the most tornado damage had been – but I had to laugh out loud realizing that I had actually heard him working all morning, all the while panicking _about_ him. If I listened carefully I could hear his voice, faintly. Turns out he must not have been alone, because he was definitely yelling back and forth with another guy, and the hammering overlapped. I was pretty sure even Darry couldn't work two hammers at a time.

I sat there, still as anything, just listening to him work until Coach came home. I don't know what I could possibly do if I thought I heard trouble happening, but hearing him working was somehow comforting. Coach woke up a still very sleepy Laura and drove me home as she dozed off in the car. I was glad he hadn't seen Darry drop me off, so he didn't comment on the fact that his truck had been absent. I wasn't really sure whether or not I would have told him the truth. I knew he cared about me and my family - but I always sort of felt like we needed to keep our problems to ourselves as much as possible. Not that I thought he'd ever get the state involved – but you just never knew. It was always a worry.

He dropped me off, and as I came up onto the porch, I could hear Soda and Pony laughing in the kitchen. The conversation stopped short the second they heard the screen door slam. I walked back to the kitchen to find them both busy, Soda opening a can of soup and Pony making grilled cheese sandwiches.

"Hi," I said, though it was obvious they knew I was home. "What's so funny?"

No response.

"Look, I could hear you talking…Were you guys talking about me?"

"No," Soda answered, turning as he tossed the soup can in the trash.

"Not really," Pony said, and they both started to laugh again, convincing me that they definitely _had_ been talking about me.

"Great," I uttered, and headed back toward my room, slamming the door and realizing that I was indeed, growing into my teenaged-ness. It was stressful enough worrying about what your friends might be saying about you – once your brothers started picking on you as a team, it would only get worse, I figured. I put down my babysitting bag and lay back down on my bed.

The second I'd lain down, I regretted it. Just too many things to think about.

It was only a minute or so later that Soda was at my door.

"Scout." He knocked softly.

"Go away," I said, knowing that it wasn't really anger at him I was feeling but rather just plain stress about Darry, school, and the fact that I'd caught sight of the calendar in my brief time in the kitchen, reminding me that Soda and I had another appointment with the counselor the next day - AND that our court date for Soda's accident was later in the week. I just wanted to close my eyes and go back to the way I'd felt watching the fireworks the night before.

"C'mon. We weren't talking about you."

"Right. It's fine, Soda. Just leave me alone, okay?"

I saw the doorknob turning and put my face down on the pillow.

"I thought we respected each other's privacy around here," I said, not looking up.

"We weren't talking about you. C'mon, look at me," he said, and the tone of his voice made me believe him, a little bit. I turned my head and he seemed surprised – I realized he'd probably expected me to be crying.

"We were talking about girls… I mean - stuff you wouldn't want your sister hearing you talk about."

I stared; surprised he was admitting it.

"Stuff I kind of feel bad about talking about, realizing that some stupid guy might be saying that kind of stuff about you someday, and I'd want to kill him for it. You caught us off guard… we were embarrassed. I know I was, and if I was, then Pony was for sure. We _were_ being jerks – but it wasn't about you"

I bit at my lip. This was weird in so many ways – Soda being honest and apologetic about trash talking, and him and Pony talking about – well, what I assumed had to be sex. It had always before been a sort of running joke that Pony didn't like girls yet. I guess this Tricia had made quite the impression on him.

"So, we weren't trying to hurt your feelings. Forgiven?" Soda reached out a hand to me and I took it, letting him pull me up to sitting.

"Forgiven," I agreed, but let go of his hand before he could pull me all the way up. He seemed confused for a minute, looking down at me, and finally sat next to me on my bed.

"That wasn't all of it, was it?" he asked, trying to catch my eye though I stared at the floor. "What's eatin' at you, then?"

I didn't answer but it didn't take him long to figure it out.

"Darry. It's Darry, right? The truck?"

I hesitated but there was no use in completely lying.

"Maybe."

"Scout, c'mon."

"Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's Darry. And other stuff, too, though. I just have a lot on my mind now. I'm fine. It's fine. I just need to think about some stuff, okay? I just… I don't want to talk about it right now. You think Pony got lunch ready by now?"

He was looking at me in a way that sort of scared me – I'd always known that Soda cared about me, but this was a new look – I could see that he was actually concerned about me. And that was scary, because really didn't like being someone a carefree person like Soda had to be concerned about. Darry I knew worried about me - but with the whole Steve situation under control, I hated the fact that Soda was still worried about me.

"Scout, you have stuff that's botherin' you, you know I'm here, right? Me and Darry, and hell - even Pony. We're gonna help you. And Darry and the truck – hell, it was Fourth of July. It coulda just been a random thing – kids out doing dumb stuff. You know that- you know all the stupid stuff that goes down on fourth of July. There no real evidence anyone was after him, specifically. Coulda just been stupid kids out with a blade, lookin' to be someone's pain in the ass."

"I know," I responded. "I know, that you are all here for me – and maybe it wasn't people hating Darry. I get that. I'm okay. I just have some stuff to think about. And we have that counseling thing again tomorrow and I promised her – Dr. Lee - that I'd talk to Darry about some stuff before then… I just have stuff on my mind. I was okay with it all but then, just - I thought you were picking on me, so I just got sort of … overloaded."

"Well… we weren't. Picking on you, I mean."

"I know. Sorry I was a brat. Just sort of lost all of my patience."

"Ha, well, that's nothing new. You shoulda seen you when you were five."

He reached a hand out to me again, and this time I let him pull me up.

"Well, I'm sorry about that, too."

"Kiddo, I was joking. You're hardly ever a brat." He pulled me out the door. "Not even nearly as much as Ponyboy, anyway." Pony swatted him with a potholder as we sat down at the table, and his look in my direction assured me that he felt as bad as Soda about hurting my feelings.

Lunch was pleasant enough – we talked about Darry and Alison and the fact that we all wished we could figure out how to get him to make more time for her – but if I'd had any doubts about Soda actually feeling bad about what had happened before, they were dispelled when, after doing the lunch dishes, he suggested we all play basketball.

Pony, Darry and I all had sports in common. We loved the competition, the challenge of pushing yourself to do your best – the just plain excitement of a contest. But somehow, Soda – arguably the most thrill-seeking among us – had never embraced the challenge of organized sports. He was a total goof at basketball – him offering to play was absolutely an act of concession on his part.

"Soda, you don't have to. I'm over it."

"No. I want to. C' mon. You against me and Pony. We haven't played in forever." It would have seemed totally unfair to an outsider, but that was actually the most fair matchup possible among the three of us.

"Okay," I agreed, assuming the play would be short-lived.

Much to my surprise – and much due to all of our stubbornness at wanting to beat each other - two hours later, the three of us finally gave in to exhaustion and crashed down into chairs on the porch. Pony brought us all Pepsis and we all were still sitting there when, forty five minutes later, Darry pulled Kevin's car into the Cummings' driveway and walked over.

He actually looked a little panicked at first when he saw us.

"What the hell happened to you guys?"

"Basketball," Pony replied. "Two hours of basketball."

Darry grinned. "Surprised to see you boys in such good shape, then," he quipped. "Nice work, Scout."

I offered a weak smile, still worn out myself. I may have been a bit better off than the two of them – but still, running around in the heat for two hours will exhaust pretty much anyone.

"What's up with the truck?" he asked Soda.

"All set. Just gotta go get it. Steve was putting the last tire on when I left."

"How much?"

"Nothin', Dar. I told you. We've got more spare tires down there than we even know what to do with."

"Free, huh," I asked. "That's my favorite price!"

"Mine too." Darry thanked Soda, winked at me and headed inside. I followed him, having decided I might as well get started on dinner, since I hadn't even thought about what to make. Darry dropped his tools at the door and right after I heard his boots drop he appeared in the kitchen and poured himself a huge glass of milk, then drank it down in giant gulps.

"I don't know why you don't just drink it right out of the bottle," I remarked as he put the bottle back in the refrigerator. "You know Pony and Soda do."

"Yeah, well I'm trying to be a bit more refined than those two," he said as he sat at the table and started going through the mail.

"_Refined?"_ I stared at him. Refined was not a word that came to mind when talking about any of my brothers. "Really? Or just _not gross_?"

"I suppose 'just _not gross'_ is good enough," he laughed.

"Well you don't belch after drinking it like they do, either so I guess that's a good start on being refined."

"I hope so," he agreed. "So what's for dinner?"

"Well, that's the twenty-five thousand dollar question. Got any ideas?"

"I thought you were the budding gourmet around here?"

I had been on his case about trying new foods every time we were at the market, but I hadn't been shopping with him since before my whole spider bite and pneumonia incidents. I'd been looking through Mrs. Karis's cookbooks, though, and had remembered a whole bunch of stuff that our Mom used to cook that we never had anymore. I had ideas aplenty – we just didn't have the ingredients.

"You let me do the shopping and I'll be the gourmet." I knew he wouldn't buy into that idea.

"Yeah, and we'll be broke the first week of the month. I don't think you or those two other brothers of yours have any concept of a food budget."

"Maybe."

I was glad the budgeting wasn't my job, though I still worried about it quite a bit. "How about just hotdogs and the leftovers from last night, then?"

"That works for me. We got any beans?" He got up and started rooting around in the cabinets, finally pulling out a can and setting it on the counter.

"Hey, you mind if I take Kevin's car down to the DX with Soda so we can get the truck before dinner?"

"Why would I mind? It's my night to cook anyway."

"Yeah, right…" it seemed funny that he thought I'd care. "Okay, then… I'll be back in a few, and I'll help you out then. Hold off on the hotdogs – I'll have Pony light the grill and we can cook 'em outside."

"Okay." He still didn't move and I turned to look at him. "What's with you? Why are you acting weird?"

"I just – you said… I thought you wanted to talk to me before you went back to Dr. Lee. Right?"

"Yeah, I do. I will. I mean - after dinner, is that okay?"

"Yeah, okay. You've just got me worried, that's all. I don't like that something about me is bothering you enough that you have to talk to a counselor about it."

"Well, stop worrying - you and everybody else. It's fine. I'm fine. We'll talk after dinner, okay? It's not really that big of a deal. Go get your dumb truck."

"Hey, my dumb truck happens to be the only wheels in this family right now."

"Right. So go get it." I grabbed his shoulder, turned him around, and gave him a good smack on the butt. He headed out and I focused on cooking the can of beans

Not even a half hour later, Darry arrived home and took over at the grill Ponyboy had lit, grilling hotdogs until they were practically burned, the way we all liked them. Along with the leftover potato salad, cole slaw, the few remaining ribs and the beans, we had grilled some corn on the cob, and we were all quite thoroughly stuffed as we sat out on the porch watching as the sun began to set. The more I'd been thinking about what I wanted to say to Darry before seeing Dr. Lee again, the more I realized that having Soda and Pony around for the conversation was probably going to help my cause more than hurt it. So I took a deep breath, turned to face them from where I sat on the stairs, and went for it.

"So… about my homework…" I started.

"It's summer, dumbass," Pony poked me in the back with his toe. "No homework."

"Pony," Darry warned.

"It's fine," I spoke up. "You guys need to stop thinking you need to get all uptight every time he calls me a name. I can handle it. We've been name calling forever. It doesn't bother me, since he's such a jerk anyway."

Pony laughed.

"Homework from where?" Soda asked.

"Dr. Lee," I answered. "She wanted me to talk to you guys about some stuff before I went back – and that's tomorrow, and I think maybe she's right, because there are things that upset me about – well, about us – and I'd rather just say then before they get really bad and you all hate me for them."

"What are you talking about?" Soda started, immediately. "Where do you get these ideas? Nobody is hating you about anything."

"Not you," I cut him off. "Well, mostly not you. Darry."

Darry looked stricken, and I could understand why. He had been nothing but loving and supportive and patient – in his mind I was sure he had no clue about why I might think he hated me. And I was pretty sure that right then he didn't. He knew I loved him, and I knew he loved me. What I was worried about was more long-term. A slow, sneaky resentment that would move over the years as he realized how great he could have been had I not held him back.

"Scout… what?" He was having trouble responding. "You think I hate you about something?" His voice was practically despondent and I hated that he thought that, after how great he really had been.

"No. No, Darry. _No_. Look, I'm not going to do a good job with explaining this, even though I've been thinking about it a lot – too much, probably - but no – I love you guys, and I know you love me, but there's just – other stuff."

"About Steve?" Soda asked.

"No," I answered, confidently. "Not about Steve. I think – I really think most of that is over. This is about us. Just me and you guys and… how things are going since Mom and Dad have been gone."

All three brothers were silent for quite a while, and finally Darry almost broke my heart, asking:

"Am I not doing a good job, here, Scout? Because I'll understand if you want to go somewhere else."

"_Darry!"_ both Pony and Soda yelled at him, jumping up, as I jumped up too, and and turned to face him.

"No. God, No. I don't want to be anywhere but here. I'm good. I'm_ fine_. I took care of things with Steve and I'm pretty much happy. Darry - you do _great_. This whole thing – it's about you – _you_ not getting what you need. It's not about me being unhappy. It's about _you_. You're doing a great job. It's _me _… _I'm_ not doing a good enough job for you. I'm the bad guy. I'm the one failing you."

Darry stared at me, looking relieved and confused at the same time.

"_What?_ What are you _talking about_, baby? What _about_ me? I'm fine, other than wondering what's got you so upset. What on Earth are you feeling so bad about?"

I took a deep breath. All three brothers were stressing out, pacing on the porch. It would have been sort of funny, if it hadn't been so serious in my mind.

"Okay – obviously I'm not handling this right. Can you guys all just sit down?"

All three brothers immediately sat and I had to laugh, which made them laugh in return.

"That's better," I said. "Can you all just calm down, please? I mean, seriously. I'm fine. Things here are good. Nobody needs to panic."

"Okay," Soda answered. "So what's this big thing you need to talk to us about – about Darry? About you not being good enough to him, whatever that means."

"Jesus, why are your big talks with us always so dramatic?" Pony asked me.

"I'm not trying to be dramatic. I'm just talking. You guys are the drama queens here. You're the ones standing up and yelling and stuff. I'm just talking. Just hear me out, okay? Don't get all crazy on me?"

"Okay," Darry answered. "Shoot."

"What if I said I didn't want to go back to school this fall?"

"No," Soda stood back up. "No way. And don't even try to compare you with me." Darry and Pony both looked about to explode, as well, but I cut them off.

"Soda, for God's sake, you just agreed to calm down and not be crazy. I'm not quitting school."

"Why'd you even say that, then?" Soda replied, still fired up, but sitting back down.

"I'm trying to make a point. Because, well… one of us here _is_ quitting – and it isn't me, or you – and I'm not really sure why everybody seems to be okay with it. Why am I the only one who's upset about Darry not going back to school and losing out on his scholarship?"

I was met with silence. It occurred to me that maybe Pony and Soda had been so absorbed with what was going on with the rest of us that they hadn't really thought that much about Darry.

"I want you to go back to school this fall, Darry. I… I need you to."

"It's not your…" he started, and I interrupted, more forcibly than I ever had.

"No. _No_, Darry," I was firm. "You wanted me to go to Dr. Lee, and she got me to think about some things, and I'm ready to say them. So, just... for now, please just listen. Otherwise I'll just lose my nerve."

"Scout, you're just being…" Pony started, but Darry cut him off.

"Pony," he cautioned. "I want to hear what she has to say. Especially if it's about me. Go ahead. Scout."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, knowing how important what I wanted to say was, and how important it would be for my future relationship with Darry. I took a few seconds to gather my thoughts.

"Do you remember the night you got your scholarship? How happy we all were for you? How Mom practically cried, and Dad toasted to you at dinner?"

"Of course."

"Well, so do I. And the plan was for you to go to school and graduate and play ball, because you loved it. I mean – you love it. Right?"

"Things change, " he started.

"No. Stop. You promised to listen. So please, don't even talk."

There was a silence, where all three brothers were staring.

"I'm listening."

"Well, Dr. Lee just made me realize – I mean – I always felt it but she made me understand that – It's not fair. Nothing about what's going on in our family is fair for you, Darry. Me and Pony and Soda, mostly – well, we're doing exactly the same stuff we'd be doing if Mom and Dad were still here. But you – you've had to give up way, way too much. It's not fair, and it makes me really… I don't know… kind of mad, but maybe even more sad.

"I chose this, Scout. None of the responsibility I have now is your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty about."

"I know. I know, and you never make me feel bad, or guilty. You're an amazing brother. What worries me more is about you – about how you feel. You're so good to us – you've been everything me and Pony and Soda have needed since Mom and Dad died… You've been perfect."

"So what's the problem? Why are you upset?"

"Because I don't want you giving things up for us, things you would have had if they were still here. It's not right that Pony and me, we just keep on living the same lives, while you and Soda have to make so many sacrifices for us. I just…" I was getting teary eyed, and Darry took my hand in his.

"What? Just say it."

"I just don't want you to wake up ten years from now and realize that you hate me for all the things you had to give up because you had to take care of me."

There was what only could be described as a stunned silence, broken by Ponyboy.

"She's right, Darry." He seemed shocked at the realization. "Scout, you're right. Darry – you have to do what's right for you – or... she's right - you're gonna hate us."

"I know. _I know, Pony. _So why aren't we insisting that Darry go back? Why am I the only one who sees how unfair this is?"Oh, how I knew – how I felt it in my heart.

Darry didn't seem to know who to deal with first. But having Pony on my side suddenly just made me more confident in what I was saying.

"I _know_ it's wrong for you to quit. And I know I'm right, because it's felt wrong since you first told me about it, but because Pony and Soda didn't complain back then, I felt like maybe there was just something I didn't understand. But Darry, - now I'm sure. I'm positive. You can't drop out of school. I heard you telling Alison that if you don't play this season, you forfeit your scholarship. There's no way we should let you do that, after all you've done for us. You have to play this fall. You earned that scholarship, Darry. You deserve it. And Tulsa deserves having you play."

"Guys, " he started . "I'm…"

"She's right," Soda interrupted. "Shit, she's totally right and I shoulda been against it from the start. The money… It seemed like it made sense then, but Dar – you NOT playing ball this fall? That ain't right. Seriously – you're wiling to give up your scholarship? You're not giving up a scholarship because of us. No way. It's NOT happening. Mom and Dad would roll over in their graves."

"Soda, be reasonable," Darry started. "I'm not saying..."

"You're going back," Pony interrupted this time. "Scout's absolutely right. I don't know what Soda and I were even thinking. Must've head our heads up our asses with our own problems, but she's right. We're not letting you give up school because of agreeing to take care of us."

I fought back a smile. I knew that with the two of them on my side I was going to get my way. As much as Soda hated school, he knew that was his issue, and his alone, and he'd never tolerate me or Pony quitting. Somehow they'd missed the fact that Darry 'taking time off' from college could easily turn into quitting.

All of us finally seemingly silenced, Darry attempted to talk without getting cut off.

"Can I talk now?" he asked. "Or am I still shut off?" He looked at me – I was the one who'd asked him not to talk.

"You can talk," I said, sitting down next to him. It was funny that while I'd ordered them all to sit I had somehow managed to remain standing.

"I didn't have any idea you were this worked up about this," he started, taking my hand. "I wish you wouldn't let stuff build up like this until you get crazy ideas in you head like me hating you. Jesus, you can't think that, really, do you?"

"No," I admitted. Of all my brothers, I was most sure of the fact that Darry did love me. "Not now. I mean, now it's just – we're doing what we have to do. You're great and you're great at taking care of things around here. But, like I said – Pony and me are just moving ahead as usual and you – you're just kind of …"

"In limbo," Pony finished.

"Yeah. That. I know you don't regret taking care of us, but I just don't see why you have to give up school. We can make it work. I know we can. I'll babysit more."

"I can work after school at the alley. He's looking for part time after school – and I can do my homework there when it's not busy." Pony was clearly fully on board, I could hear it in his voice.

"Darry," Soda grabbed his shoulder and turned him to face him. "I don't know how I even missed the fact that you were thinking about not going back and playing this year – it's _not_ happening. I'll work every day, every hour the DX is open if I have to – and do jobs on the side. You're going to school, and playing ball. No way you're giving that up because of us. Scout's right. You've already given up enough."

"Guys, it's complicated."

"No," Pony said, firmly. "It's not, Darry. I know you've been making money from the tornado work, and you'll keep making it. You can still supervise, after school – you're the boss. Me and Soda can cover for you around here – look out for Scout, and…"

"Are you kidding me?" I interrupted. "_You're_ going to look out for me? Pony, I babysit for other peoples' actual babies! I can take care of myself! Jeez, besides the fact that I'm practically the only one that cleans AND I'm the best cook in this whole house anyway!"

Darry laughed at that.

"Right. Scout the gourmet." He stood up and moved so he was facing the three of us.

"So that was it, huh?" he asked, totally calm, staring me down. "School. Me and school."

"That was it."

"_That's_ been bothering you, since I told you in December?"

"Yup. I mean, lots of other stuff too – so I'd kinda stopped thinking about it, even though things just didn't seem right. But Dr. Lee – she just kept asking, though, what I was afraid of. Not things like thunderstorms or spiders, but what I was really, deep down afraid of. It was like she was digging and digging and finally – there it was. You've done nothing but be great for us three" I motioned to Pony and Soda – "but, in return – really - you're the only person who's had to give up anything they love. Sure, Soda gave up school, but…"

"I hated it," Soda interrupted. "I'm happier now, you all know that. But Darry, you're happiest playing ball. You're going back. Now that Scout pointed out the obvious, we three will fight you tooth and nail to make it happen, so you might as well just agree. We'll pick up the slack around here."

Darry looked down at the dirt and didn't say anything.

"I need you to go back to school, Dar," I said softly. "Maybe you're right – maybe you'd never resent me, but I'd always feel like I cheated you out of something really important. I mean, I wouldn't be causing all this _drama_ if it wasn't important to me." I shot a glance at Pony and he stuck out his tongue. "So if you won't do it for you, do it for me. It's important to me, because I know how important it is for you."

He looked up at me, and for the first time ever, I saw him biting his lip, just like I always did.

"Social Services ain't gonna like _two_ of us dropping out," Soda pointed out. In a sick way, it was sort of funny how one of us always managed to play that card to try to get the others to do what we wanted.

There was silence, still, from Darry - and, finally, Pony couldn't stand it.

"Just say you'll go back. It sounds like that's the only solution that would make everyone happy, including you."

"I won't lie," Darry eventually started, "I _have_ been thinking about it, and leaning towards trying to make it work. I just still have some details to work out, with the business and all, so I didn't want to bring it up to you guys until I was sure. But, as usual, of course, I had no idea Scout was worrying herself silly over it, though." He reached out, pulled me up and squeezed me against his side.

"Not really _silly_," I countered. "Just – the thought of you missing out on your scholarship – that's crazy. Football only goes half a year anyway, then you'll have more time for work. Its not like the rest of us can't handle things around here. I mean, we're not little kids."

"No, you're not," he agreed. "and I know that. But I do have a responsibility to you guys, too – to make sure everything's going okay around here. I mean… I agreed to take care of you."

"Well, that means letting us take care of you too, okay? You go back to school, and everything will be great," I assured him.

"That's right. You go back to class and play ball, and we'll all be shittin' sunshine and roses around here," Soda cracked, and although Darry shook his head at him, he did manage to laugh, too. And it was good to hear.

"Okay - well, _Scout_ – and the rest of you - I'm pretty sure I'll be back at school next month. That's the plan. And if for some reason I'm not, it won't be the fault of any of you. Okay?" He looked at me first, then the others.

"Okay," I nodded. He continued.

"You got any more homework from that Doctor? What about you, Soda? Anything you need to tell me about that's been botherin' you for eight months that you neglected to mention all that time?"

"Nope." Soda had stood up and was kicking his foot against the bottom of the porch where the wood was rotting. He had reached his time limit for sitting still. Darry looked at me and I shook my head.

"Well, then, who's up for some ice cream?" he grinned. "A reward for Scout gettin' her homework done. And to keep Soda from kickin' apart the porch." He set his foot between the porch and Soda, and Soda managed to realize it, before kicking him.

"Yeah, I'll drive!" Soda agreed, starting for the truck as Darry tossed him the keys. Pony and I followed behind, flanking Darry. He reached over, squeezing my hand, and leaned over to whisper to me.

"Hey - next time, let's not let something I'm doing that's bugging you go eight months, okay?"

"Okay. I didn't mean to – just…there was just a lot else going on."

"I know. We're good now, though, right?"

"We're good. Really." I squeezed his hand back.

And as I climbed into the truck between Soda and Darry, I couldn't help but smile. Darry was going back to school – and in my mind, that was a huge relief. Life seemed to finally be really getting back to normal, and I had nothing to complain about.

And that was good enough for me.

**A/N: Somehow the authors note was omitted when I posted this, which makes me think that corrections made in my last edit were omitted too. Sorry about that - feel free to point out mistakes or lapses in continuity. It's hard to write (as I am sure it is to read, too) with the long time lapses between posts. I am very thankful for those of you who have messaged me encouraging me to continue with Scout's story - it isn't over. It writes itself in my head every day, it's just getting it down on paper that I haven't the time for! Thanks again, so much - for your support and review and comments are always appreciated. - Sama**


	64. The Roof

The next morning came far too soon. I guess maybe it was the late night on the Fourth of July catching up with us, but it seemed like all of us were dragging at the breakfast table.

"So Soda, I'll pick up Scout first and then we'll come get you, okay?" Our counseling appointment was in the afternoon this time, after my babysitting.

"Yeah, fine" he agreed, rubbing his eyes. I noticed he needed to shave, too.

"Pony, you're working until three?" There was no response, as Pony stared into his cereal.

"_Pony?_" Darry asked again.

"What?" He looked up, dazed.

"Man, you guys are out of it this morning. You're working 'til three?"

"Yup."

"Okay, well depending how things go with Scout and Soda, I'll swing by to pick you up. Otherwise, call Two-Bit."

"Okay." Pony was totally monotone. No energy at all.

Soda, surprisingly, wasn't much better off.

"What time?" He managed to spill at least half a cup of coffee down his shirt while asking. "Shit," he muttered.

"One o'clock," Darry answered, taking his coffee away. "Go put on a clean shirt and be ready to go in five minutes. And shave."

Soda staggered off like a zombie into the bathroom.

I just sat at the table, too tired to eat much but a few spoonfuls of cereal.

"You alright?" Darry asked.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired."

"Well that seems to be a common denominator around here." Darry took my plate and brought it over to the sink.

"Common denominator? You're a complete math nerd, Darry." Pony managed a small laugh.

"Yeah, well, that's why I'm gonna be an engineer." He winked at me and I felt a new wave of happiness at the fact that he'd be going back to school. I noticed a pattern in myself – I often didn't realize how much things were bothering me until I finally spilled my guts about it. And I probably never would have if Dr. Lee hadn't made me figure out exactly what it was that was upsetting me. I'd have to remember to thank her.

"You ready to go?" Darry was glancing at his watch and pulling on his boots. "Soda, let's go," he yelled over his shoulder. "Bus is leavin'."

"Yeah, just have to grab my bag." I was turning to go when he grabbed my shoulder and turned me around.

"What?" I asked.

"Everything's okay, for today, right? You don't have anything else you need to talk to me about?" He sincerely looked worried.

"No," I laughed. "Nothing. Everything's good. I swear."

"So my name isn't going to come up in any sort of bad or stressful way at your appointment today?"

"No. And I wasn't really hiding anything or afraid to talk to you about. I just wasn't really even sure what I was upset about until Dr. Lee helped me figure it out."

He sized me up for a minute, deciding if I was lying or not. I guess I passed muster, finally.

"Okay," he slapped me on the back and stood up. "Good. Meet you in the truck."

He dropped Pony and Soda off first, and as he dropped me Coach was actually waiting outside, saying he had a few things to get done before the students arrived. I played with Laura outside for a while, but she was fussier than usual, and didn't want to go down for a nap or take a bottle. Being with her out in the yard, I once again was aware of the hammering in the distance. I'd totally forgotten to mention to Darry that I thought I'd heard him the day before, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone: walk Laura in the hopes that she'd fall asleep and go check out Darry's work site. Coach had suggested walking Laura many times but I never quite felt comfortable with it, even though the neighborhood was totally safe. But knowing that my destination was wherever Darry was made it feel right.

I left a note for Coach, saying I was heading out in the direction of the hammering, changed Laura's diaper, and headed into the garage to find the carriage.

Laura seemed shocked as I put her into it – this was certainly new for both of us.

"Walk?" she asked. "'Cowt walk?" It was the first real smile I'd seen on her face all day.

"That's right. We're going for a walk." She seemed thrilled but didn't have much time to enjoy it - she was dead asleep before I even got to the end of the block.

I hadn't really explored the neighborhood much, and I found myself studying the yards and looking at the plants, still wondering if there was a way to make our yard more grass and less weeds. I tried to peek into the houses, seeing what the insides looked like. I meandered around, turning at cross streets, trying to follow the noise as best I could.

At some point it seemed that I'd crossed over into a more wealthy neighborhood. The houses got bigger and the lawns more spacious. It was on the roof of one of these homes where I finally spied Darry. Laura seemed unfazed by the noise of the hammering, and still slept soundly in the carriage as I stopped in front of the house.

I had never really seen Darry work before, and I was sort of awed. There were three other guys working with him. He was clearly in charge, and it was obvious that he knew exactly what he was doing. I watched as he showed one of the other guys how to shingle around the chimney. I watched for a good twenty minutes before he finally looked up from his work and noticed me.

"Scout?" he yelled down as he shaded his eyes from the sun. "That you?"

"Hey," I waved. "I thought I could hear your voice, so I decided to follow the noise and come see what you do all day."

"Hang on a second. I'll be right down." He headed down toward the ladder, stopping on the way to talk to a guy who was rolling some sort of paper out on a bare part of the roof. I could barely look as he approached the edge of the roof, fearing him tripping and falling – but he easily turned and stepped onto the ladder. I pushed Laura – still out like a light – up the front walk to the base of the ladder just as Darry stepped down.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's fine. She didn't want to nap and I swore I'd been hearing you since yesterday, so I decided to take her for a walk. Coach says it's the best way to get her to sleep when she doesn't want to."

"Well, I guess he was right," Darry remarked, glancing down at the carriage. I adjusted the top part to shield her from the sun.

"I don't mean to bother you – I mean, I know you're working – you mind if I watch for awhile?"

"You want to watch me roofing a house?"

"Yeah. I mean, I've never really seen what you do before. Actually, I think it's kind of interesting."

He looked at me as though I'd just grown another head.

"_Really?_"

"Yeah. I mean, I'll go, if you want…"

"No, I don't care. You can stay, but won't your coach wonder…"

"I left a note," I interrupted him. "He knows where I am. Plus, maybe it's just better to let Laura sleep here rather than move her again."

"Okay. Don't expect me to want to come watch you babysittin' any time soon, though." I laughed.

"I won't."

In a flash, he was back up the ladder and up on the roof again. After watching him for a while longer, he approached the guy he hadn't yet talked to, who was shingling the very top of the ridge. I was shocked to recognize the voice as that of Tim Shepard. I mean; I'd known that Tim was working and helping him out but it was a shock to realize that, in this realm anyway, Darry was actually the _leader_ of the guys.

Tim was so cemented in my mind as always being a leader and never taking direction from anyone – seeing him talking with Darry as an equal and maybe even a superior was nothing if not strange. It made sense – Darry clearly knew more about what they were doing than Tim, but still, it pointed out the leadership qualities that my brother had always possessed. He had always been a leader, within the family, but right then I saw the real potential for him running a business in that one interaction with someone as cocky and confident as Tim. He didn't talk down to him, and, in return, I could hear respect in Tim's voice.

I felt like I could have swelled up like a peacock with pride. And felt even better about the fact that we'd decided to make Darry go back to school. With a degree _and_ an established business, Darry would have a bright future. There was no way any one of us was going to let him get off track, now that I'd pointed out how I felt about it and Pony and Soda'd both agreed.

I was startled out of my thoughts by a horn. I noticed that all three of the other guys on the roof flinched at the sound, but not Darry. I turned to see Coach pulling up in his car. Laura didn't even stir. I watched as he pulled over and got out, walking up to where I sat.

"Finally took my advice about the walk, huh?"

"Yeah, she was out practically before I left the driveway."

"Told you – the carriage is like nap magic."

"Well, you were definitely right."

"So, looks like you found your brother," he looked up and I turned to see Darry coming down the last few steps of the ladder.

"She found me, all right," he agreed, shaking Coach's hand and offering a hello. "Hard to be inconspicuous when you're hammering all day."

"I bet it is," Coach agreed. "Looks like you got some nice work here though, Darry. Pretty nice part of town."

"Can't complain," he agreed, "and that's in no small part thanks to you and your neighbors. Word of mouth seems to mean quite a lot around here."

"My pleasure," Coach said. "I've no problem recommending hard workers."

"Well, your house is next on the list," Darry said. "Should be there early next week. Just waiting on a few materials."

"Great… Hey, so… I've got to get back home and make a few calls – you want me to drive Scout home or is she going to stay here with you?"

Darry looked surprised, and I was caught off guard. He was going to have to drive me and Soda to our appointment in another hour anyway, though, so I spoke up.

"I'll stay." I knew how Darry hated Coach having to drive me anyway.

"That's fine," he agreed. "I'm only going to be here another hour or so anyway."

"You sure?" Coach asked.

"Positive. Seems Scout here's all of a sudden interested in roofing anyway. No better time to learn but the present, right?" Darry laughed.

"Sounds good. I'm sure she'll make an excellent roofer someday." We all laughed as he turned the carriage around and headed back to his car.

"See you tomorrow, Scout," he called over his shoulder as I heard Laura start to protest from the carriage.

"Bye," I called, as Laura's protest grew into full-fledged screams as he lifted her out of the carriage into the car. I was actually going to miss her. I only had two more days of babysitting.

"So, you wanna go up?" Darry asked, and my head spun back around.

"What?"

"You want to come up on the roof? You said you wanted to watch. Come up, and I'll show you what I really do."

I was shocked.

"You'd let me go up there? What if I fall?" I hated to admit it, but I was scared. And shocked he'd even offer to let me put myself in danger like that.

"Jesus, Scout. I mean, come up _tied off_. Are you crazy? There's no way in hell I'd let you up there without a rope."

"Why don't you tie off then?" I asked.

"I do, on steep or really high jobs. Once you get used to it it's no different than walking up or down a hill, really. You're just a little more careful."

"A _little_ more careful?" He knew I worried about him falling.

"Okay, a lot more careful. C'mon Scout. We've been through this. I don't take any risks, and I ain't takin' one with you now, either. C'mon up. It's a great view of downtown, actually. And it isn't too hot, which is nice. There's actually a decent breeze up there."

"So… if you tie me… I _can't_ fall?" I didn't want to chicken out – I really didn't – but I was pretty nervous.

"No way you can fall. I'll double tie you off on the chimney. And cleat the rope."

"Promise?"

"You know I would never let you up there if it wasn't totally safe."

I did know that, but it still looked pretty high up. I didn't want to look like a baby in front of Tim though.

"Okay."

He went up first and hooked up the rope to the chimney, then came back down to tie the rope around me, through the beltloops in my pants, twice. He tested it to make sure it was tight enough and then motioned to the ladder.

"Okay - Go ahead."

"I have to go first?"

"It's safer that way. You can't fall backward – I'll be behind you."

"What if I make us both fall?" I could just see myself causing both Darry and I to fall to our deaths.

He laughed.

"You wouldn't make me fall, I'd catch you. I know you've climbed a ladder before – this is no different. You're safe. But like I said - if you don't want to, you don't have to." He was sincere.

"No, it's okay. You'll be right behind me?"

"Right behind you. And I won't let you fall."

"Okay." I took a deep breath and started climbing the ladder, trying not to think about how high I was getting or how the whole ladder shook with every step Darry took. About five steps from where the ladder met the roof, I started shaking. I wasn't scared of heights, per se – but I sure was afraid of falling.

"It's okay. You're almost there." Darry's voice was encouraging but I could hardly breathe.

"How do you do this every day?" I practically whimpered.

"Mind over matter, baby," he answered. "It's what I do – and what Dad did sometimes, too – to keep our family together."

That was all it took. Knowing that Darry bit the bullet and climbed that ladder every day, I gritted my teeth and scrambled up the last few rungs onto the roof on my hands and knees. I looked up to see Tim Shepard staring down at me, laughing.

"Nice work, kid," he remarked. "No way I'd ever get Angel up here." I had to smile – Angela was way tougher than I would ever me. But then again, I _was_ on a roof. Tim had the other end of the rope that was tied to me and had tightened it as I came up, so I wasn't left with more than five or six feet of slack.

"Well, seein' as you're up here - Stand up, enjoy the view," Tim said. I shakily put the weight back on my feet and stood.

Darry was behind me, his hand on my back, and he led me up to the peak of the roof, an area that was already shingled. It was much easier to get a good footing on the shingled part, and I relaxed a bit and looked out. The view of the city was breathtaking, and behind it the horizon seemed a million miles away.

"Oh my gosh."

"Nice, huh?" he asked. "Just another perk of this already glamorous job." He laughed at his own joke.

"It _is _pretty amazing."

"Alright, well, I got forty five more minutes til we gotta go, so you can sit and enjoy it, okay? You're safe – I mean it – there's no way you could fall."

"I know." Seeing how securely I was tied in, I believed him at that point.

Seeing the view had relaxed me and made me forget how high up I was. And once I sat down, right on the peak of the roof, I felt fine.

I looked out over the landscape for awhile, feeling like I was practically up in the clouds, but eventually my gaze returned to Darry and Tim and the work they were doing.

After only a few minutes of watching Darry with the shingles, I could see why he was getting more jobs than other guys, and how he could do the work of two men in the same amount of time. He never missed with the hammer, and he had a sheet of shingles nailed in what seemed like just seconds. Along with that, he always had his eye on Tim and his guys and was on top of everything, catching their mistakes before they had time to even make them. He'd call out to correct them, still in that authoritative but not demeaning voice. The guys may have been tough-as-nails Shepard gang members, but they never once took offense at Darry correcting them, from what I saw.

Finally Darry hooked his hammer back into his belt and walked up to where I sat.

"Time to go, little lady." He offered me a hand but standing up made me nervous again, and I sat back down.

"You can't fall," Darry laughed. "You're tied off." I looked and saw Tim with the end of the rope again, standing at the chimney, ready to loosen it as I went down the ladder.

"Can't I just scoot?" I really didn't want to stand up. Doing it looking up hadn't been that hard, but doing it looking down seemed much harder.

"Scoot?"

"Yeah, like, just slide down on my butt."

"Whatever you want," Darry shook his head, though, and started down to the ladder.

I slid down the rook on my bottom, praying I didn't rip my pants and have to go to Dr. Lee with a hole in them. Reaching the ladder, I turned, dangling my foot to find the top rung. Darry, already a few rungs below, grabbed it and guided it to where it belonged.

"Thanks," I said, starting to climb down. "Did I rip my pants by sliding like that?"

He laughed, and investigated.

"Not that I can see."

"Okay, good." Coming down the ladder had been much easier than going up, and in seconds we were both on the lawn. He untied the rope from my waist and yelled a thanks up to Tim.

"No problem. See you tomorrow," Tim yelled back, and the rope disappeared back up onto the roof. Darry and I walked over to the truck.

He opened the door for me and I hopped up and in. "Sorry I was kind of chicken about the ladder. Being up there was great, though."

He laughed and closed the door. Seconds later, opening up the driver's side door, he responded.

"You're no chicken, Scout. Both of your brothers never made it even three quarters of the way up the ladder before changing their minds."

I stared at him, smiling despite myself.

"Are you serious?"

"Dead serious. They've been invited up onto lower roofs more than once. Never once has either of them came up and sat like you did." He started the truck and pulled away from the curb.

I couldn't stop smiling.

"Don't tease them, though, okay?" Darry asked. "Everyone has their fears, right? Snakes, and spiders…"

"I won't."

"I'm proud of you, though," he said, "They just don't need to know that we're the most fearless in the family."

"Yeah, okay," I laughed, as we pulled in to the DX. Soda was ready and came right out. I saw Steve waiting on a customer and he looked up to meet my eye. I wasn't scared, and I looked back. He tipped his hat at me, and the gesture made me wonder what I would even talk about at Dr. Lee's. Everything in my life just seemed right again.

"Hey guys," Soda greeted us, climbing in and shoving me into the middle. "What's going on? How was your morning?" He had a million times more energy than he had that morning.

"Fine."

"Good."

We answered at the same time.

"How was babysitting?" Soda asked.

"It was okay. I took her for a walk, over to where Darry was working."

"Oh yeah? How was that?"

"It was good. I liked seeing what he does. Plus the house is practically a mansion."

"You're gonna have a sore neck," he joked "from so much looking up."

"She came up," Darry said.

"What?"

"She came up on the roof. Stayed for an hour."

Soda looked at me, then back at Darry.

"She was tied off, right?"

"Jesus, Soda, you know I won't even let you come up without tying off – of course she was."

"You went up?" he looked back at me. "You weren't scared?"

"A little. But it was really nice up there. A good view, and a breeze."

Soda just shook his head, and Darry chuckled.

"You know, Soda, you and Pony talk a good game, but when it comes down to it, Scout's pretty brave."

"Hey, you get to say stuff like that and you tell me I can't rub it in?" I protested, as we pulled into the driveway of the clinic.

"Know what, Scout?" Soda answered, sliding out the door and pulling me out behind him, "I've never had any doubt about how tough you are. I think it's Pony's ego we need to be lookin' out for way more than yours."

"Maybe," I agreed, though I wasn't sure if at times it wasn't actually Soda with the lowest self-esteem. In any case, it was nice to be heading in to see Dr. Lee with none of the fear and apprehension I'd felt the last time. Soda seemed carefree and happy as well.

Darry walked in with us, and checked us in with the receptionist.

"I'll just wait this time, okay?" he asked. "I have a book in the truck." I shrugged. I didn't care. Soda didn't mind either.

"So remember, guys – this is really to help you figure stuff out – hell, it got Scout to talk to me about something that was bothering her, and I think that was good for all of us – so be honest, okay? About everything, even Friday."

Friday. I had to think for a minute, but then I remembered. On Friday, I was going to court again. Me, Soda, Sandy, and Two-Bit, about the car accident. _Court_, where people judged you when they had no idea who you really were, and determined where you should go with no consideration of where you wanted to be. _Court_ - where any judge could just decide that I didn't belong with my brothers, for any reason the judge decided – or no reason at all, really.

And all of a sudden things didn't seem so perfect anymore.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**You all must be dying of shock. Two updates in one week. I think my muse may be returning. I know these past two chapters have been sort of slow, but... if I can manage to keep writing despite the fact that I go back to work tomorrow the next few chapters should be more action packed. Court, and - a vacation! As always I appreciate all of you who stick with me despite my sporadic updating and love and am grateful for your reviews. ~sama**


	65. The talk

Soda went in first to see Dr. Lee again – I didn't volunteer, because suddenly my head was spinning with a million questions for Darry. He turned to go out to the truck to get his book and I followed.

"I'm going to have to talk this time, right? I mean, definitely?"

"The whole point of coming here is for you to talk," he replied, turning and looking puzzled. "Even _you_ admitted that it helped you last time."

"No, not here. In court. I'll _definitely_ have to talk? Not like last time, where I just had to agree with what other people said?"

"Yes. You're definitely going to have to talk." He stood in the doorway, the door half open. "But you can change your mind, any time, about going at all. I told you that."

"I know." I nudged him out the door and walked over to the truck with him. "I just wish I knew exactly how it was going to be, you know? I always thought court was like it is on TV, but it wasn't like that at all, the last two times. Is it going to be like that this time?"

He opened the truck door and stuck his hand under the seat.

"Eew, I'd never stick my hand under there," I commented, as he groped around until his hand settled on what it was looking for and he pulled out a book. _Methods and Materials in Contemporary Carpentry_. Figures. Even when Darry wasn't _in_ school, he was in school. He was going to read a textbook while sitting around waiting for us.

"I probably don't know much more about how it's going to be than you do." He slammed the door and looked over at me. "But I do know that you'll have to talk, and answer questions."

"Will they yell, like on TV?"

"I doubt it. You'll have a lawyer. Plus, in real court the judge doesn't let things get really out of hand, like on TV." He put his hand on my shoulder and started us back toward the office.

"I'll have a lawyer? Doesn't that cost a lot?"

"We're not paying for it. The other families who had accidents at that intersection filed the lawsuit. You're part of it, but you're also a witness."

"Yeah, so who pays for the lawyer?"

"Well, nobody really, I think. They get a part of the money awarded if they win the case." He opened the office door and I headed in, choosing a seat by the aquarium.

"So how much money is this whole thing about, anyway?" I was hoping it would be enough, if we won, that at the very least Soda could get another car and Darry could stop worrying so much about the bills.

"I have no idea. I imagine it's something decent, though, like I said before – people died because of that broken light."

I thought about that for a minute. It seemed a stupid kind of justice – paying _money_ for being responsible for someone having died – but I supposed it was better than nothing.

"Will there be a jury and everything? Like, can the lawyer yell 'I object' and everything?"

"I told you," he laughed, "I don't really know. Maybe."

I pouted a bit, despite myself. I wanted answers but I knew it wasn't Darry's fault for not having them. He knew what I was thinking, though.

"Why don't we call Uncle Pat tonight, huh? He'll probably be able to answer your questions better than I can."

"Okay," I agreed, staring at the fishtank. Uncle Pat seemed to know everything about everything, as far as I could tell. Darry opened up his book and started reading and I got lost in watching the fish swimming around. There was a snail in the tank and I found myself feeling sad for it, wishing maybe it had another snail in there to keep it company, since the fish didn't seem to pay it much attention.

I jumped when the door to Dr. Lee's office suddenly opened.

"Thanks a lot," Soda was saying, shaking her hand.

"Well, you take care of yourself," she answered, and it sounded like his counseling was over. I wondered whether I'd still have to come even if he didn't. Not that it was all that bad, but I knew it was costing us money.

"I will," Soda replied. He came out into the waiting room. "Your turn." He pointed his chin in my direction.

I got up and he took my place next to Darry. At least he hadn't been crying this time – in fact, he looked okay.

I went ahead and chose the comfortable seat right in front of Dr. Lee this time, knowing that she'd just sit up close to me anyway. I sat while she shifted some paperwork and waited, not sure what to say.

"So, Scout… How are you?"

"I'm okay," I answered. "Doing pretty good, actually."

"Good."

"I did my homework – I mean, I talked to Darry."

"You did? How'd that go?"

"Really good. I mean, better than I thought. It turns out both my other brothers felt the same as I did. He's almost definitely going back to school."

"That's great. And I'm really proud of you for being honest about that with him. It's not always easy to be honest with people you love when you're not sure they'll agree."

"Yeah. I _was_ kinda nervous, but it went okay."

"That's super, Scout. I'm so happy for you." I knew it was her job to say it, but somehow I really felt that she was sincere.

"I'm, well – I'm happy too. It was really good that Pony and Soda agreed with me about it all, too – they just hadn't really been thinking about it. I know Soda was pretty distracted with what was going on with Steve, I mean… "

"I get it," she responded.

"And Pony – he just tends to be kind of like, well, a genius that misses what's right in front of him, you know? He's probably smarter than all of us combined but he seems to miss the obvious stuff all the time."

"Oh, I don't know. You're all pretty smart, so far as I've seen."

"Yeah, maybe. Well, we're all smart in different ways – Pony's book smart, Soda can take stuff apart and fix it, and Darry's a math whiz and can build anything… but I was the only one who noticed Darry was about to give up on school, somehow."

"And you?" she asked. "What are you smart about, Scout? In _your_ mind, I mean."

I had to take some time to think about it. What _was_ I good at? It took a great deal of searching.

"Well, not math. I usually do okay at it, but this past year – if I was distracted at all – I just didn't get it."

"Okay, well, we all have our weaknesses. And good for you, for knowing yours. But… what are your strengths, Scout? I know you have some. You've been through a lot, and you're still here, still willing to talk and go on with living. I know a lot of people, people much older than you – and supposedly wiser – who just gave up after a setback. Just pretty much stopped trying - stopped living. But you've been through a whole lot of challenging events, and yet you still go on. You're still doing a great job at living your life, despite some big hurdles to get over. So give yourself some credit! Think about it – What are your strengths?"

"Well…" I started, "I think I'm pretty good at talking to all of my brothers – getting them to admit what they are thinking."

"That sounds good. Do you think maybe they open up to you more than to each other?"

"Sometimes. About feelings, maybe. Not about guy stuff – I mean, girls and stuff. Then they only talk to each other. They never talk to me about that."

"Well, you know, it sounds like you're a pretty important part of the family in terms of giving your brothers a shoulder to lean on when they're upset – that's a pretty good gift, I think."

"Maybe. I guess I'll find out. They still don't trust me about some stuff. Darry worries that if he tells me about anything serious it'll just make me worry. Maybe when I get older he'll talk to me more about important stuff."

"Well, while sticking to my guidelines for confidentiality, after talking to your brother, I think I can assure you that they value your opinion on things quite a bit. Your lack of blame towards Soda, regardless of the fact that his friend hurt you … he cares about you, Scout - believe me. He loves you a whole lot. I can't really go into what we talked about, but the whole time we were talking about you he was saying how he cares about you so much and wants you to be okay. He got pretty worked up talking about it."

"I love him, too."

I had to bite my lip to stop myself from crying. I knew Soda loved me - I always knew that – but I'd always assumed seeing him come out of Dr. Lee's office crying had to do with Sandy and her losing her baby. I never really believed his crying had anything to do with me. I really thought I was doing a great job with the acting and pretending I was fine. It was sort of shocking that Soda apparently knew all along I hadn't been – but yet he never confronted me about it.

I suddenly couldn't wait to see and talk to Soda – for so many reasons.

There was a silence – though not an awkward one, and I felt compelled to take my turn in initiating conversation.

"So… also, I met with… well, I talked to the guy who, you know, who hurt me."

She nodded and I had the feeling she was choosing her words carefully.

"Do you want to talk about how that went with me?"

"I guess. I mean, it wasn't really dramatic or anything. My brother Pony really didn't want me to talk to him – he's still really mad about what he did."

"You're not?"

"No. I don't know… I know it sounds weird. It's not like I think it was okay, or I understand why he did it, but I just felt like – It was just too exhausting to be upset and scared all the time. He won't do it again – I know that. I guess I feel safe again… I trust my family that I'll be okay."

"That's really great," she replied. "It seems like you've made a lot of progress just since last week."

I thought on that a minute, about how I had sobbed in her office the last time, and had to agree. Once more, our time was up and it had flown by.

"So Scout, you're still scheduled for two more sessions with me. I know you've got some things coming up, so I think it might be a good idea to keep those two appointments… after that we can play it by ear. Sound okay to you?"

"How do you know I have stuff coming up?"

"Your brother just told me. He's worried that you're stressed out about it."

"Darry?" I couldn't think of when she and Darry could have talked about me. I'd been right there the whole time.

"No, Sodapop. During our session."

"I thought you weren't supposed to tell me what you talked about with him. And now you have, twice!"

She smiled.

"I guess technically, you're right," she agreed, "but I think him caring about you, and you going to court and starting high school is pretty much public information."

"Yeah, I guess," I answered. Court coming up had totally made me forget about the whole high school thing. It surprised me that it had been on Soda's mind that I might be nervous about that, enough that he even mentioned it.

"So I'll see you in a week or so?"

"Okay," I agreed, hating that Darry was paying for it, though. Dr. Lee walked over to the door and opened it, revealing Darry and Soda deep in a conversation that abruptly stopped when they saw me.

"Hey," Darry jumped up, coming over to greet Dr. Lee and shake her hand. Soda trailed behind him, coming over to me.

"How'd it go?" he whispered.

"Good," I answered. "I didn't cry this time, at least."

"Me neither," he laughed, and gave me his trademark Soda smile that made all the girls swoon over him. Even as his sister, sometimes it still shocked me how handsome he could be. It was nearly impossible not to smile back at him.

I watched as Darry paid the bill, signing the check and handing it over. His handwriting was pretty much identical to Dad's, except that Darry added a "Jr." to his signature.

Walking back to the truck, I wondered out loud.

"Do you still have to sign stuff with 'Junior'?" I asked.

Soda turned to look at me, a strange expression on his face, but I couldn't tell why.

"What?" Darry hadn't even been listening.

"When you sign your name. You still, sign 'Junior.' But really, since Daddy is gone, do you still have to be 'Junior? I mean, now… you're the only Darrel."

He seemed stunned by the question and I suddenly felt horrible for even asking it. Darrel Curtis, _Junior_ was who he WAS, and I'd suddenly called that into question. As much as I saw him panicking about his very existence, I saw in his face that he was panicking legally, as well. Lord knows, he didn't want to sign the wrong name on anything legal, especially, I suspected, regarding custody of the rest of us.

"I'm…" he hesitated, "I'm not actually sure. But I'll find out." He was clearly full–on stressed about it, suddenly, and I wished I'd just kept my mouth shut.

"Okay… It's no big deal, Dar, I mean, I just wondered. Just seemed like if the Senior is, well, gone… it doesn't seem right that you have to still be a Junior. But it's probably not a big deal. I mean, you can probably just not even worry about it." I wished I could erase that I'd even mentioned it.

"I'll find out," Darry said, as we walked toward the car, and I couldn't help but feel like he dreaded figuring out the answer. He'd always been Darrel Curtis, Junior – and I might have just made him give that up, against his will. I didn't even now why I'd brought it up... in my mind, Darry would always be a junior to Dad. Sometimes I wished I could just keep my mouth shut.

I squeezed in between Darry and Soda in the truck but rested my head on Darry's shoulder, feeling bad about upsetting him.

"So how'd your session go?" he asked.

"Okay. Good, I think. Don't worry – I didn't talk about you." I squeezed his arm as he reached out to shift.

"Good," he almost smiled.

"So, Soda – you're done? You don't have to go any more?" I turned to look at him. He was staring out the window and didn't turn around, lost in his thoughts, watching the sights go by.

"Yeah. I said everything I got to say."

I actually believed him. Knowing Soda, he probably poured his whole heart out in two sessions and was done. That's just how he was. Pony and Darry and I - well, we had to think about things a whole lot before we just let them spill out.

Things were quiet for a while until I remembered how their conversation had suddenly stopped when they saw me.

"So what were you guys talking about when I was in Dr. Lee's office?"

"Nothing," Darry responded.

"Guy stuff," Soda answered simultaneously.

I believed Soda.

"Oh, _guy stuff_? So is that all you talk about when I'm not around? Girls, and sex and stuff? Jeez, Soda, first you and Pony, now you and Darry, too? Can't you guys even _try_ to wait until you know I won't turn up to talk about that stuff?"

"You and Pony were talking about sex?" Darry turned and asked Soda, looking so panicked that I laughed out loud.

"Darry, c'mon. I mean…"Soda motioned toward me.

"Yeah, they were," I answered, "and I caught them, too."

"He's not…" Darry started, and was interrupted by Soda.

"No, Darry, he's not. Relax, okay?" By this time we were pulling into the driveway.

I couldn't help myself from all-out laughing, seeing Darry panicking about Pony possibly having sex. He was a million times less likely to be doing that than I was – and there was no way I was even considering it.

"This isn't funny, Scout," Darry scolded, emphatically slamming the truck into park.

"It _is_, kind of," I tried to stop laughing, just because he really seemed so mad.

"It's _not_, at all." He stared over at me and his death glare pretty much silenced my laughter at its core.

"Darry, c'mon. Ease up." Soda sensed his anger.

"No. I ain't easing up. Jesus Christ, Soda, you ain't exactly a shining example for Pony _or_ Scout. I don't want them thinking screwing around for kicks is okay. I'm in charge of them. Christ."

Soda looked shell shocked.

"Do you get that, Soda? Either one of them screws up their future over one night with some guy or girl, and I got that on my conscience. So I'd appreciate you _NOT_ sharing your ideas on sex with Pony. Or Scout. _Christ_, Soda. She's a kid."

I had no idea what to say. I wanted to melt, seep down onto the floor, and ooze out through the cracks in the door.

"I'm not…" Soda started. "Pony ain't gonna do anything stupid, Darry."

"He's a guy, Soda. He don't always think with his brain first."

"Can I get out?" I was sure they had forgotten I was there. I was cringing at the conversation.

"And _Jesus_, you're having conversations in front of her, too?" Darry's eyes just about pierced through Soda, so I jumped in to his defense.

"No. He never says anything to me. I swear to God, Darry, I don't want to do anything Soda might be doing anytime soon, and Ben… he doesn't either. _ Please_, can I just get out?" I fairly begged.

Soda opened his door, and I was out of the truck in record time. I went immediately to Pony's door and knocked.

"_What?_" he sounded annoyed. He definitely valued his alone time.

"It's me. Please, can I come in? It's for your own good."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Pony, c'mon. Darry's gonna come in and want to talk to you. I'm your warning."

I heard footsteps and the door opened. I entered, closing the door behind me.

"What are you talking about?" Pony demanded. "What'd I do now?"

"Nothing." I stared right back at him. "He's gonna come talk to you about sex."

"What?" His face immediately turned a bright scarlet. "_Why?_"

"Well, he knows you and Soda have been talking about it."

"And he knows that because…?"

"I didn't offer it up. I swear. Just – I caught him and Soda talking about it, too. So it came up. How do you think it feels being me when all of a sudden every time you leave the room for a second your brothers are talking about girls… and sex?"

He didn't answer, and stared down at the floor

"Especially when…well, – it's not really something I want to talk about… Not like you guys do, anyway. It's not…I mean, so far, anyway – it's not a fun thing, for me –not like how you guys think about it, anyway."

Understanding was apparent from his expression. And his total lack of any idea of what to say was apparent, as well.

"Scout, I…" he started.

"It's okay," I assured him, interrupting. "It's fine – I mean… I know you are guys and there's hormones and stuff and … stuff happens. So, whatever. If you have to…" I tried shrugging it off, though it really did bother me, thinking about my brothers talking about girls – especially ones I knew and liked, like Sandy and Alison – as objects.

"Stop it," Pony interrupted. "Don't even make that an excuse."

"What?"

"Hormones. I mean, yeah, that explains some stuff, but look – I don't want you thinking all guys are animals or something. Even I know that hormones ain't ever enough reason for hurting a girl. It's no excuse for what happened to you."

I turned towards him, grateful. I felt safe and supported at home – I _hadn't_ lied about that to Dr. Lee – but it felt good to know that even though I was doing a lot better, my brothers realized that it still wasn't something I enjoyed thinking or talking about.

He didn't say anything else, at first. And I didn't push. Staring at each other I realized again how much more we had in common than not, despite our bickering.

"Thanks," I said, breaking my gaze as I heard Darry and Soda coming in. I guess Darry's lecturing of Soda had come to an end. "I should probably go. I don't need to hear Darry's birds and bees talk."

I turned to leave but he reached out and took hold of my arm, pulling me back around to look at him again. For the first time since Steve had grabbed my arm, I didn't flinch or immediately pull back. His touch was the gentle touch of someone who understood, and cared.

"Scout - I'm… sorry," he started, "about what happened to you. I just – I know I never actually said that. But I am."

I remembered how I'd been grateful at the time for Pony being the only one _not_ to apologize, how frustrating it had been to have everyone saying how sorry they were about something that wasn't their fault. The only person who I'd needed to be sorry was Steve, and I was pretty sure then that he was.

"I know," I said, not minding the words so much anymore. My eyes met Pony's and the green in his seemed brighter and clearer than I'd ever seen it. Tricia must love his eyes, I thought. Soda had always been the handsome one, but Pony had a whole lot going for himself, too, I realized.

Suddenly there was knocking at the door. Pony gave my arm a light squeeze and let it go. I turned and opened the door to find Darry towering in the doorway.

"Pony and I need to talk," he said, using his best 'legal guardian' voice. "You go help Soda with dinner."

He didn't have to offer up any alternative activities – there was no way I was going to hang around to listen to him hound Pony about the dangers of getting too close with the opposite sex. I was well down the hallway before he even finished his sentence. Soda wasn't in the kitchen, though. After a bit of hunting I found him out in the back yard watching Tang chase after a moth, to little success, seeing as how moths can fly and cats can't.

"Aren't you supposed to be cooking supper?" I asked.

"Probably," he admitted. He didn't look back at me.

"What's the matter?" I just sensed something was off with him. "Don't let Darry get to you – he's just doing what he thinks is his job."

"Is he right?"

"What? About what?"

"Am I a bad influence? On you and Pony? I mean, I don't want you two getting in over your head any more than he does. If me bein' together with Sandy means you two …"

"Soda." By this time I had walked over to him and actually stopped him from talking by putting my hand over his mouth. He laughed and pulled it off.

"Scout, I just..."

"No," I interrupted him again. "You're not a bad influence. I don't know where Darry gets the idea that Pony and I want to do whatever you guys are doing. We don't. I know I don't anyway. You love Sandy… I get that. But… just because you're, well, you know… doing certain things – it doesn't mean I will, or want to. I can't say for Pony, but considering he's just getting around to kissing, I don't think you need to worry about him too much. Plus, he's a boy – he's gonna ask you guys for advice when he needs it, anyway."

"Who are _you_ gonna ask, then?" Soda asked, thoughtfully.

"I don't know," I admitted. I missed mom immensely whenever such subjects came up.

"You know, you can always talk to me and Darry about stuff," he said, "I know we're guys, but…"

I raised an eyebrow and gave him a look that pretty much said that I would rather die than talk to him or Darry about my love life. He laughed out loud and reached out to throw his arm around my neck.

"So, about that dinner," he changed the subject, steering me inside. I let him lead me in, glad that, for the moment, all was well between me and all three brothers. With court coming up, I only hoped the calm would last.

**A/N: Still trying to find the inspiration to write more than a chapter every few months! The plot is all there in my brain - it's the actual writing that proves SO hardlately - time constraints and general writers block! Thanks so much to all of you who stick with me and review despite the delays in updating. You keep me going. Thank you for your continued readership and reviews. They really mean a lot.**

**~samaryley**


	66. The Reassurance

Pony and Darry emerged from the bedroom just as Soda and I were finishing up the pork chops. Pony's ears were red as all get-out, and Darry looked exhausted. I was surprised – I'd assumed that since Mom had given me the birds and bees talk that Dad had gotten around to that with Pony, too – apparently he hadn't, and Darry didn't look too excited about it having become his job. I'm sure Pony and Soda had talked about it plenty, but I guess Darry felt an "official" talk was in order. He sat down to eat and I stood behind his chair, massaging his shoulders. I was encouraged by the fact that I could actually feel him relax a little.

"You're getting better," he commented. "Soda been coaching you?"

"I thought you didn't _want_ me imitating Soda," I replied, and, feeling him tense up again, immediately regretted teasing him. Soda shot me a look, as well, and I felt doubly bad.

"I'm just kidding," I backtracked. "Sorry, Dar. I know it's not really that funny to you." I dug in extra hard and he groaned.

"You keep giving backrubs like this and I might be willing to overlook it," he replied, "but save it for later., 'kay? Sit down and eat." He pulled out the chair next to him and I sat down, promising to finish up after dinner.

Dinner itself was awkward. Pony had nothing to say, clearly trying to process whatever information Darry had just forced upon him. Soda tried to play the cheerful middleman, and I just waited impatiently for Darry to be done so we could call Uncle Pat and I could ask him about court.

Finally, Darry put down his fork, pushed away his plate, and stood up. I was on his case immediately.

"Can we call Uncle Pat now?"

He checked his watch. "Let's give it another hour, okay? He's probably in the middle of dinner."

"Okay." I was pouting, though, on the inside. I wanted to talk to him something fierce. The whole impending court thing was weighing on me heavier by the minute. It was Soda's night for dishes and Pony hung around to help – avoiding Darry, I was guessing. Darry headed into his chair in the living room and I followed. I tried to continue my massage but the back of the chair was too tall and I couldn't reach over it.

"Can you sit on the floor?" I asked. "I can't reach."

"You don't have to…" he started.

"I want to," I interrupted "I mean – if it's worth it." I still didn't have much confidence in my backrubs. I knew he preferred Soda.

"Oh, believe me, it's worth it," he replied, sliding out of the recliner down onto the floor. I sat on the chair and he backed up in front of me. I kneaded as best I could, and eventually he leaned forward, resting his head on his knees. I started wondering after a while how Soda could manage to keep it going without his fingers cramping up.

"Scout?" he startled me, even though it was barely more than a whisper. I'd been concentrating hard on trying to apply just the right amount of pressure.

"Yeah?" I stopped rubbing for a second and he shivered, so I started rubbing again.

"When Mom talked to you about – you know – puberty and stuff – I mean, did she cover everything? I mean - if you have questions, you know you can ask me, right?"

"Dar, we've been through this. I'm good."

"But you weren't – you know – _with_ Ben then."

"I'm not doing anything with Ben that I wouldn't do right in front of you. Seriously."

"I want to believe that. And if Mom and Dad were still around, I probably would. But just, with me in charge... I feel like I have to be paranoid."

I stopped the backrub again and reached around his neck to hug him.

"Mom's talk was pretty thorough – and you don't have to be paranoid," I said.

"You sure?"

"Yup. Not about me, anyway. Pony and Soda – well, I can't really speak for that. I thought Pony was too shy for anything past first base, anyway - but now, with this girl - maybe I was wrong."

At the mere mention of first base Darry eyed me but was cut short of any commentary as Soda burst into the room.

"So, Scout," he bumped me out of the way and took over with Darry's backrub – his reaction to Soda taking over was immediate and any credit for improvement he'd offered me was immediately erased, in my mind. I swear, I saw Darry immediately turn to putty as Soda took over.

"Yeah?" I had scooted over and was settled into the corner of the chair, my head on the arm but my legs stuck between Soda and Darry.

"What'cha gonna do with all the rest of your summer? Tomorrow's your last day working for your Coach, right?"

"Yeah," I agreed, "but we have court Friday." It seemed typical that Soda wasn't harping on that, despite the fact that he had to go, too.

"Aw, that's no big deal. You're worried about that?"

"No," I lied.

"_Soda_," Darry warned.

"What?" he replied, looking over at Darry and obviously getting his message – _don't stress her out about court_.

"Really, baby? You're stressed out about court?" He abandoned Darry's backrub and turned to me. "We didn't do anything wrong. You know that, right? All you have to do is tell what you saw." He turned his attention to me and took my hands, squeezing.

"I know."

"Why are you upset, then? I mean, you're not lyin' or nothin' - I went on green, right?"

I was shocked he'd think I would lie.

"Yeah. God, Soda, of course."

"What do you got to be scared about, then? Just tell the truth."

Soda had never really shared the terror Pony and I held in our hearts regarding court – maybe because he was close enough to being a legal adult that being "taken away" seemed like little more than a threat to him. To Pony and me, however, it seemed real and horrifying. Especially the thought that we could still be taken away, even after telling the truth. It had all always depended on how believable we were. Regardless of the fact that this time in court wasn't going to have anything to do with Darry keeping custody, it was still upsetting to worry about the fact that they just might not believe me, regardless of the fact that I would be telling the truth. And since everything in court seemed so real – so "legal," I always worried that somehow I'd slip up and say something that would get misinterpreted and lead the state to believe I was unhappy, or badly cared for.

"It's complicated."

"It ain't, really. You just go up there and tell the truth."

He made it sound so simple. I hoped he was right, that it would be that easy. Somehow I just felt like it wouldn't be.

"I know – I'm going to tell the truth – you _know_ I will." I said, "just - they have to believe me, too. I just don't feel like they'll believe me."

Soda rubbed my shoulders, almost like he was trying to rub my apprehension away.

"You just tell the truth," he whispered in my ear. "What anyone else thinks – well, that's their problem. You ain't any liar – those people in court will believe you."

He was right about that, for sure – I was a terrible liar.

"Will you be disappointed, if they don't believe me?" Soda _had_ followed the signal – but, to me, anyway, it seemed unfortunate for him that I was the only one who could vouch for him in court.

"God, Scout, no. You think I care? I don't care what the court says about the accident. I know it wasn't my fault, is all – there's no way anyone's arguing _that_, or I'll have somethin' to say about it."

"Nobody is," Darry interjected. "Scout, all you're doing is just explaining what you saw. There won't be anything upsetting about it. You're just telling your story. And Soda, you're not going to be saying _anything_ unless you're asked to."

"I know," I answered. "I'll be okay. I don't even know why I'm so stressed about it. I mean, it's not like I haven't already done it before."

"Come into the kitchen," Darry looked over at me, "Let's call Pat, okay?" He knew that, for whatever reason, I needed the reassurance from someone older than him. Someone we all thought of as an "adult" before Darry suddenly had become one.

I followed him into the kitchen and sat at the table as he looked up the number and dialed. Soda turned on the TV and didn't follow us. I knew it wasn't because he didn't care – he just wanted to leave it up to Darry to get me comfortable with court. Soda would have to be there – along with Two-Bit and Sandy – we'd all been in the car - but _I_ was the witness upon which the whole lawsuit was depending. And what bothered me wasn't so much that I was standing up for Soda, but that there were other families depending on my testimony in order to win their lawsuits. That light wasn't working – no doubt – but other people had _died_ because of it.

"Hi, Pat? It's Darry." I snapped out of my thoughts. I wished I could hear both sides of the conversation, though.

"Yeah, everything's okay." Was it? I wondered if Darry would ever really tell him if - or _when_ – it wasn't. I waited while they made smalltalk. I found myself wondering if Pat knew about the whole thing with Steve. I found myself hoping not. In my mind, the fewer people that knew about that, the better.

"Yeah, everybody's fine. Remember how I told you how Soda got in that accident, though, and Scout got asked to testify? She just wanted to talk to you – ask a few questions I can't really answer. – I mean, I'd like to – but I don't really know the answers."

I waited, hoping Darry wasn't feeling bad that I was going over his head for answers.

"Okay, thanks. Here she is." He handed the phone over to me, smiling and messing up my hair. It was a sincere gesture, and I knew he was okay with me needing Pat for the moment. I brushed his hand away, smiling back, and took the phone.

"Uncle Pat?"

"Hey, is that my girl?"

"Hi! I've missed you." I was surprised at how true that was, once I heard his voice. It must have been months since I had talked to him.

"Hey - same goes for me! We've got to do a better job of keeping in touch! So, your brother says you're worried about court?"

"Sort of."

"Just sort of?"

"Okay, well, maybe a little more than that. I just hate not knowing what's going to happen, you know? I'm always just worried I'll say the wrong thing."

"You know this has nothing to do with Darry having custody, right?"

"Yeah, just – it doesn't seem to matter, in my head. I just think of court and I automatically panic that our whole family could get messed up."

"Honey, you don't need to worry about that. Darry told me before about the trial details – you have _nothing_ to worry about. Nobody should be giving you a hard time. You're just a witness, Scout – they might ask you questions about what you saw – just answer their questions honestly as best you can, and everything should be okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Would I lie to my best girl?" I was Uncle Pat's only girl, with all boys of his own.

"I hope not."

"Scout! You doubt me?"

I felt bad.

"No. I love you, Uncle Pat."

"That makes two of us, then. Any more questions?"

"Promise you won't laugh?"

"Promise."

"Can the lawyers yell at me and stuff, like on TV?"

"Well, I won't lie – they can try to, but the judge doesn't usually stand for any nonsense like that, in real life. Plus, you'll have a lawyer so he should be looking out for you, too. And Darry will be there- you know he'd never let anything involving you get too out of hand."

I thought about that – I wasn't so sure Darry would go up against a lawyer or a judge. Tough as he was, he still respected authority, for the most part.

"That help at all? Anything else I can say to ease your fears?"

"Yeah, it helps. Darry said pretty much the same thing."

"Well, you know, your brother's a pretty smart guy. You shouldn't really discount what he says, especially about you. He's always got your best interest in mind."

"Yeah, I know. Turns out he's actually a pretty good guy." Darry was sitting with Soda in the living room but eying me, listening to the conversation and measuring my anxiety level. I stuck my tongue out at him and he winked at me.

"Well, if he's still around, and you don't have any more questions, you think you could pass me back to him for another minute?"

"Yeah. Thanks for your help, Pat – and I really do miss you. It's real good to hear your voice." I actually teared up a bit as I said it. I wiped them away quickly, hoping Darry didn't notice.

"No problem, Scout – and good luck in court – you'll be fine, though. Just tell the truth. Hey, you know what? I'll give you a call Friday night to see how things went, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed. "Here's Darry." I handed the phone off to him and went to claim his spot on the couch next to Soda. I was planning on half watching TV and half listening to Darry's conversation.

"Hey," Soda welcomed me, as I slid up beside him on the couch. "been a long time since a pretty girl like you showed up to sit with just me," he commented.

I laid my head down on his leg and let him reach down to massage my head as I listened to Darry talking to Patrick.

"Really, Pat, you don't have to," Darry was saying – Pat was forever trying to send Darry money and Darry was always refusing. The fact is, we were doing okay without any help, and Pat did have four boys of his own to look out for. I saw both sides – I knew Uncle Pat loved us and felt a responsibility to our Mom and Dad to make sure we were all right, and had more than enough money to send some our way once in a while – but I saw Darry's point too, wanting to prove that he could take care of us on his own – and he was. Darry argued against Pat's help for quite a while but seemed to be relenting a bit as I drifted off. I heard the phone clang again as he hung up. I must have fallen asleep there, though, because suddenly Soda was leaning down, whispering.

"Scout, baby, I hafta go to bed. Can you wake up?"

Slowly, I opened my eyes and sat up.

"Bedtime, baby," Darry said, suddenly there. I groaned, not wanting to move off the couch.

"Where's Pony?" Waking up to one of us missing was always a little disconcerting.

"In bed, probably. He dug himself into a burrow after his little talk with Darry this afternoon and hasn't come out yet," Soda answered. I managed a halfhearted laugh remembering Darry'd had "the talk" with Pony that afternoon.

"Hey, baby – your Coach called, and the baby's sick… tomorrow you don't have to babysit – you can sleep in," Darry said, pulling me up and dragging me into the bedroom. "as long as you want, kiddo – I'll be at work."

Honestly, I was so tired I felt like I could sleep for days. Darry pushed me along into the bedroom and left me to change. I was too tired to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, or anything All I wanted was to sleep, and by the time Darry came back in to say goodnight I was already halfway there.

"'Night, baby," his hand grazed my forehead as he pulled my sheets up to tuck them around my neck. I momentarily wondered if girls my age who still had parents were ever tucked in at night by their older brothers. I doubted it, but was too tired to protest. And I couldn't really deny liking it, either. His hand on my head was warm and his presence itself was comforting.

"'Night," I mumbled, though it came out as more of a grunt.. He laughed softly.

"Get some sleep tomorrow." He squeezed my hand and left me to sleep.

…..

Sleep I did. I tossed and turned a bit in the morning light, but by the time I actually woke up and looked at the clock it was almost one in the afternoon. There was no doubt I was home alone – someone would definitely have come in to wake me up before then if anyone had been around.

I swung my legs around onto the floor, stretching. It was a strange feeling, being home alone – but for the first time in a while, it wasn't so much scary as it was liberating. I could do anything I wanted until my brothers came home from work.

I wandered out into the kitchen, only to find a note propped up on the table.

_Scout,_

_Hope you slept good. There's sandwich stuff in the refrigerator. Take it easy and enjoy your day off. NO Ben in the house, but you can go over there if Kevin or his mom is home. Don't worry about dinner – it's my night._

_Don't make a mess!_

It wasn't signed, but it was a typical Darry note, and I had to laugh, especially knowing what a heart attack he'd have if he knew I slept until after noon. Plus, it had to be from him due to the fact that neither Pony nor Soda were in any sort of position to be telling anyone else not to make a mess.

The mention of sandwich stuff had my stomach grumbling and I made myself a ham and cheese sandwich, and sat down to eat at the table. As I ate, the silence in the house started to eat away at me, bite for bite. By the time I'd finished, I couldn't wait to brush my teeth, throw some clothes on, and head over to see Ben.

"Hey," he smiled, opening the door.

"Kevin home?" I asked. I wasn't looking to get Darry mad the day before court.

"At your service," Kevin quipped from somewhere behind Ben. He opened the door wider to reveal Kevin sprawled out on the couch watching TV.

"His day off," Ben explained. "Come on in."

I headed into the living room, noticing that Kevin was watching Batman.

"Educational TV?" I asked.

"Hey, I graduated. I don't need any education this summer." Kevin's eyes didn't leave the screen. "You two don't have to stay in here, but no closed doors. You got that, Benjamin?"

"Yes, _Kevin_," Ben mocked. "_I got that_."

"Know what, Ben? You want to break Darry's rules for Scout, I'll have him take that up with you. Don't kill the messenger." Kevin added in a hand gesture for emphasis, still not turning his head.

"It's fine," I interjected. "You don't have to worry, Kevin. We don't need to close any doors, because nothing's gonna happen that we have to hide, anyway."

"That don't mean you get to spy on us, though," Ben grumbled as I dragged him by the hand down the hall to his bedroom. I sat down on his bed and pulled him down next to me.

"So, no babysitting, today?"

"Laura's sick. I'm all done for the summer."

"So that means we get to hang out now? I no longer have to play second fiddle to your job?" He laughed – he was actually jealous that I had a way to make money. He mowed a few lawns for people in the neighborhood but had ho regular income.

"Yup," I smiled. I'd miss Laura – but I was looking forward to the last few weeks of summer with no commitments.

His eyes met mine and for that second I felt nothing but happy.

"You have court Friday, huh?"

My happiness disappeared immediately.

"Yeah."

"Hey," he reached out to me, lifting my chin. "I didn't mean to upset you. Everything will go great. I thought you were looking forward to it – I mean, maybe helping out with the money if you win and all?" His eyes met mine again, questioningly this time.

"It's not if we _win_ I'm worried about."

"What, then?" he took my hand and rubbed it in his. "I thought if you didn't win nothing bad happened."

"That's what everybody says," I agreed. "But I don't believe it. I just – I don't know, Ben… I just always feel like I'm going to say something bad or wrong and mess things up. Darry says I can't, my Uncle Patrick says I can't – but I still worry."

"You can't," he whispered in my ear, grazing a kiss along my cheek. "Do you believe _me_?"

I wanted to – I really did. But just as I knew I should have believed Darry and Pat, I was hesitant to believe Ben as well. It wasn't like I thought they were lying to me – I was pretty sure they wouldn't, but I just plain didn't trust the court system. But it was my problem, not Ben's, and I didn't want him to feel bad.

"Yeah," I lied.

He gave me a look that made it pretty clear that he knew it, too – but didn't pursue it. Instead he took the route of redirecting me, presumably to get my mind off things – a route on which I was more than happy to join him.

He jumped up, pulling me up with him.

"Wanna go for a walk?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do." I wasn't sure if a walk around the neighborhood was still within the boundaries of Darry's rules, but I felt like if I didn't get outside I was going to go crazy. Pony had told me once that ever since the church fire he couldn't ride in elevators – the fact that if anything happened he couldn't get out made him panic – right then I knew exactly how he felt. Being closed in was stifling me, and the thought of spending a day in a dark, windowless courtroom was just about more than I could take. I hoped Darry would understand.

We walked down to the lot, and I loved Ben for finding stuff to talk about the whole time, trying to keep my mind off things. In my experience with brothers, boys weren't usually the best at holding up their end of the conversation, but he did his best, updating me on Kevin's on again-off again relationship with Kate, his mom's latest horror stories from the ER, and his own boredom in the absence of not only me while I was babysitting, but also two of his best buddies who had gone away on vacation with their families. We had walked to the corner and been sitting on the rock in the lot for about fifteen minutes when there was the distinct sound of a car pulling up behind us. Both of us turned, and, not recognizing the car right away, stood up. Ben nudged me so that he was between me and the car, and I could feel him tense.

We stood, frozen, for a second, the glare of the sun preventing us from seeing through the windshield. Both of us shielded our eyes as the driver side door opened, reflecting the sun right into our eyes. The door closed, my eyes adjusted, and I was relieved to see that it was Tim Shepard. It wasn't, however, his own car that he had stepped out of. He walked over and stood in front of us.

I could see Ben relax a little bit, but he remained wary, and his hand sought out mine.

"Ben, right?" Tim looked down at us and I could see why he scared everyone so much. His demeanor with me alone was far different than the way he presented himself in public.

"That's right," Ben answered, and I could see that, as much as a kid his age could, in the face of Tim Shepard, he wasn't going to act intimidated, regardless of how he actually felt.

"You dating little Curtis, here?" He motioned to me.

"Her name's Scout, and yeah, she's my girlfriend." He squeezed my hand. I can't imagine that any guy would be terribly comfortable with his girl being in the presence of Tim Shepard.

"Yeah, I know her name." He stared at Ben and for a few seconds nothing more was said. Ben, to his credit, didn't look away.

"Tell your brother Kevin I said hello," Tim said, and immediately turned his attention to me.

"I'm looking for Darrel." Even in the face of whatever hero worship I had for him, and to spite the heat, I shivered. Something about him was different than the interactions I'd had with him in the past. Ben squeezed my hand and pulled me a bit closer.

"He's at work." I would have assumed he'd know that. "I thought you were working with him, I mean I just saw you yesterday."

"Yeah, well, something else came up this morning. And he's not there, today. So where's he workin' at?"

"I don't know, Tim. I mean, he was gone before I woke up."

"He don't leave you an address or something? I mean, you know, to call him if there's an emergency?"

"I'm supposed to call Soda at the station if I need something."

He continued to stare me down, and I looked away. I'd wrestled the guy in a bed at Buck's with no embarrassment, but all of a sudden the way he was acting was making me real uncomfortable.

"Are you seriously telling me your brother leaves you home alone with no idea where he is?" Hearing Tim say it did make it sound very un-Darrylike. For a while after the time he'd gone missing he'd written his worksites on the calendar but that had pretty much fallen by the wayside as of late.

"Yeah, I mean – when he's working for someone else, I can call the company and they'll know where he is, but… when he's doing jobs on his own, no, I don't know where he is."

Tim looked extremely displeased with that answer.

"What's the matter? I mean, is there some sort of emergency?"

"No," his intensity seemed to take a calculated step backward, and his demeanor softened a bit. I felt Ben's hand relax and I marveled at how well Ben could read guys already. Maybe it was in greaser genetics or something – the ability to sense and adjust to the appropriate level of danger.

"No, it ain't an emergency. I just need to talk to him, is all. What time does he get home, usually?"

"Around five. Sometimes a little earlier."

"Alright, well, if I ain't already tracked him down by then, I'll stop by."

"Okay." As much as I didn't really want Tim around the house when I was already stressed out about court, I didn't really think "No" was an option.

"Tim, is he in some kind of trouble?" Now he had me wondering why Darry _wasn't_ at the same site as the previous day. He wasn't done there. He didn't ever like leaving things unfinished before getting started on something new.

"No."

His answer was too fast, and it was very obvious that there was more to it, but equally obvious that he had no intention of discussing the additional details with me.

"I'll tell him you were looking for him," I said.

He nodded, and he started to turn back toward the car but seemed to think better of it, turning back to face me.

"You okay, kid?" his gaze softened a bit. "I mean, nobody's giving you any trouble any more, are they?"

"I'm okay."

He turned to face Ben, and his eyes instantly changed. The potential for real violence concealed within was suddenly unmistakable.

"You ever hurt or take advantage of her and I find out about it, you're a dead man," he said, matter-of-factly.

To his credit, again, Ben didn't even flinch.

"Not gonna happen. Ever."

"He wouldn't, Tim," I said. "Really."

"Good. Because I meant what I said." And with that, Tim Shepard turned, slid back into the mystery car and was gone.

And suddenly I wasn't sure what exactly to be worried about anymore.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**A/N: Thanks you, as always, for sticking with me. I can't even feel justified in asking people to check in anymore since I have been so bad about updating, but I always appreciate knowing who is still reading. Court! next chapter. Drama! This Christmas, I asked for my muse to come back. If It does, once the holidays are over I'll actually have time again to write! ~sama**


	67. The Suspicion

**A/N: Since it's been so long (and, as always, I apologize) I feel compelled to reiterate that I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS. S.E. Hinton gets all the props. Also, I apologize that since it has been so long since I posted, you may need to back up a few chapters to remember what is going on here - I did. The good news? I have the next few chapters on the back burner. Thank you so much to those of you who have continued to review and PM me during my ridiculously long hiatus to try to get me back to writing Scout's story. I love and appreciate all of your reviews!**

We bummed around the lot for a while – found a football behind a bunch of weeds and tossed it around for a half an hour or so, making smalltalk, but eventually ended up just sitting on the big rock kicking the dirt around and enjoying the breeze.

"You think something's up?" Ben asked. I didn't have to ask what he meant, I knew he was talking about Tim looking for Darry.

"I don't know," I responded. "You're more likely to know, aren't you? Kevin lets you fight, now, doesn't he?'

"What? I mean, yeah, but what's that got to do with it?"

"Well, Kevin let you get in the fight with those guys the last time they came after Darry… if something big was going on – some sort of organized thing, I think Kevin would probably tell you, right? … and you'd better tell me."

"Oh, I'd better, huh?" he pulled me toward him and his face grazed mine.

"Ben," I started, "I'm not…" but before the word "kidding" made it out of my mouth he was kissing me.

After a minute I pushed him away.

"I mean it, Ben, I'm not kidding. You'd better tell me if you know something I don't."

"I don't." He wasn't looking at me as he said it and I wasn't sure if I believed him.

"C'mon," I pulled him down off the rock. " I should probably get home, anyway. They'll get worried, and mad - I didn't leave a note."

We walked home in silence, Ben holding my hand, only releasing it to open my front gate and walk me up to the porch.

He looked at me as we reached the front door.

"I'm on your side, Scout, I swear. And as far as I know there's nothing going on."

I stared up at him, trying not to pout, but not fully believing him, either.

"Really? I mean, you promise that even if Kevin told you not to say anything you would tell me, right? If my brothers were involved?"

"Absolutely." His eyes met mine, he squeezed my wrist and kissed my neck, and I found it hard not to trust him.

We both were startled by a voice.

"Scout, get in here… dinner's on. Where've you been, anyway?" It was Darry.

"Well," I pulled away, "guess I hafta go."

"Yeah. I won't see you tomorrow – Mom's dragging me up to the University with her for Kevin's football physical – but good luck with court. Don't worry – I'm sure you'll do great."

"I hope so," I responded.

"Scout," he took my face in his hands and turned my face toward him. I objected slightly but knew I couldn't deny him. Our eyes met and I felt sad, knowing he wouldn't be able to be in court with me.

"You _will_ do great. I know it," he whispered, kissing me softly on my cheek. "I'll try to stop over after we get back, if it's not too late, okay?" I nodded against his neck just as the door opened and Darry appeared.

"Let's go," he said. "Time to go, Ben," he added.

Ben heeded, and with a quick "good-night" was gone. Darry turned and headed back to the kitchen.

I stood still for a moment on the porch – feeling suddenly abandoned, but remembering that I had somewhat of a bone to pick with Darry.

"Quit stalling," Darry called back at me, "Dinner's been ready for ten minutes. It's getting cold. And I expect a decent explanation of where you've been."

I paused, for so many reasons. One being that – when I cooked dinner – it was inevitably ready far before my brothers made it to the table – so I was constantly warming things and waiting on them. Yet they expected me there at their beck and call? Another was the fact that I was still pretty sure there was something going on between Darry and Tim that he didn't want me knowing about.

"We were down at the lot," I grumbled, turning and heading towards the kitchen. "It was too nice outside to stay in. I didn't know what time it was."

I sat down at the table, planning my interrogation, while Pony and Soda goofed off. Darry didn't respond to my having been at the lot so I assumed he was satisfied. I wasn't sure why he seemed to be in a cranky mood, and wondered if it somehow related to Tim looking for him.

"Mmm, Pony, you're gettin' pretty good at spaghetti," Soda joked, and Pony kicked him under the table, jarring the tabletop and spilling his own milk.

"Christ, can't we ever have a calm, civil dinner around here," Darry grumbled as Pony jumped up to get a towel.

"You just get home?" I asked Darry.

"Yeah, got tied up at the lumber mill – those guys couldn't get an order right if their lives depended on it. Took forty-five minutes to straighten out all their mistakes." I guess that partially explained his foul mood.

"Yeah, well I ran into Tim, he showed up at the lot. He seemed to need to talk to you pretty bad."

"Oh yeah?" Darry was totally nonchalant. "I'm sure we'll catch up with each other later tonight, or tomorrow."

I stared him down, trying to figure out if he was being deliberately dismissive. He stared back.

"_What?_" he demanded. "Shepard give you a hard time or something? I thought you two were friends," he snickered, which sort of surprised me. I'd always been under the impression that he wasn't too thrilled with me being around Tim or Curly without another Curtis present.

"No." I couldn't stand it, so I just asked. "Look, is there something going on? Is there gonna be another fight, or rumble or something?"

Soda's head immediately jerked up. How such a happy-go-lucky guy could enjoy punching strangers in the face so much was totally beyond me.

"_What?_" Darry looked incredulous. "Seriously, baby, you don't think we've got enough possibility for trouble as it is? Who exactly do you think we would we be fighting against, anyway?"

"Those guys…"

"Those guys don't have the combined intelligence to put together any sort of decent attack on me or anyone else. No. There's nothing going on."

"So what's Tim want with you?"

"I don't know. I've got some of his guys working for me still, could be about that."

"He said you weren't at that same house today. So where were you?"

"I _was_ at that same house – it was Tim who wasn't. He didn't show up this morning. If he was looking for me there and didn't find me it must have been after I went for supplies. What are you all worried about anyway? Christ, court hasn't got you worked up enough – you looking for something _else_ to get upset about?"

"No," I twirled my spaghetti around my fork. "I just… I got the feeling that something was going on, that Tim didn't want me to know about."

"Yeah, well maybe he didn't want you knowin' he played hooky from work, seein' as how you got this hero-worship thing for him and all." Darry laughed, practically inhaling a meatball. Soda and Pony both chuckled.

"I _do_ _not_," I snapped. Darry looked over at me, still grinning, until he saw I was serious.

"Hey, I was kidding," he said, gently. "Ease up, kiddo. Nothing's going on. I don't know what he wanted with me, but it's nothing you have to worry about."

I didn't answer.

"Scout, I'm serious. Nothing's up. Eat some dinner, okay? I don't want you passing out on us in court tomorrow, dig? You know it's always hotter than Hades in those courtrooms."

"You better not be lying," I glanced over at him.

"I'm not. I promise. I don't know why Shepard would be making you so suspicious. Everything's fine. Eat your food, okay?" His eyes narrowed and he looked at how little I'd eaten, concerned. I could feel Pony and Soda staring, as well. I looked up and the two of them looked away - Darry's eyes remained on me.

Begrudgingly, I lifted a forkful of spaghetti into my mouth, under Darry's watchful eye. He was right – it _was_ always hot in court and the last thing I wanted was to pass out.

Soda suddenly chimed in with some tale about a guy with some super-rare sportscar who had pulled into the station that afternoon and expected the DX to have repair parts on-hand, and I pretty much zoned out for the rest of dinner, concentrating on making sure I ate enough that Darry would be satisfied. Again, I was amazed at how much my brothers could eat. Each of them filled up their plate three times while I struggled to get down half of my first helping.

I was looking for any reason to excuse myself when, thankfully, the phone rang. Darry reached out to answer it and it turned out to be Anna.

"Go ahead," he motioned, eying my plate. "You can take it in the other room."

I took the receiver and went around the corner to the living room, plopping down on the couch.

"Hi," I said, twirling the excess cord around my wrist. We had all managed to stretch it to about five times its normal length.

"Hey, Scout. I just wanted to wish you good luck tomorrow. I mean, I'm sure everything will be fine, but, you know..."

"Yeah, well, I wish I was as sure as everyone else about that," I tried to joke, though I really meant it.

"No, come on," she answered. "Be optimistic. This time you're the one who has all the answers about what's happening. You're, like… the star witness."

I was sure she had every intention of trying to reassure me but she was, in fact, just adding to my apprehension. Everyone had seen what happens to "star witnesses" on TV – they got cross-examined and torn apart and yelled at and attacked from all angles.

"Well, we'll see, I guess. Thanks for calling, Anna, but I can't really talk – it's my night to do dishes. I'll call you on Saturday, though, okay?"

"Okay," she said, though she sounded a bit put-off. "Is Darry there? Alison wanted to talk to him after I talked to you."

"Yeah. Hang on, I'll get him."

"Okay – and Scout?"

"Yeah?"

"You'll do great. I know you will."

"Thanks." I walked back into the kitchen where the boys were clearing the table and tossing the plates into the dishpan for me to wash. Soda headed out the back door with the trash.

"Darry, Alison wants to talk to you." I handed him the phone and he once again stretched the cord as far as possible down to his bedroom and shut the door. I sat at the table, rested my head in my hands and rubbed my forehead.

"Hey, Scout – you know what? I'll do dishes tonight. You can just go relax. Watch TV with Soda or something, okay?"

"Why?" I picked up my head to ask. Pony wasn't usually one to take on anyone's chores for no reason.

"I just - I know you're stressed about court. I mean – you know that I get that. Honestly, I wish I could go instead of you tomorrow, but I can't. So – just – let me do this, okay? Just go try to relax."

Sometimes Pony surprised me to the point of being speechless.

"_Go_," he urged. Go read a book, or watch TV or something." He flicked at me with the dishrag, and winked at me.

"Thanks, Pone."

"Get outta here," he smiled, and turned to get the dishes.

I wandered into the living room, assuming Soda must have come in the front door after taking out the trash, but was surprised to find nobody sprawled out on the couch. Stopping in the doorway, I heard his voice out on the porch. Assuming he was talking to Kevin or maybe Two-Bit, I headed out the front door, surprised to find Soda leaning on the front gate, talking through an open car window. Making my way down the path, I realized it was Tim, in the same car I'd seen him in earlier.

"Hey, kid," he nodded an acknowledgment.

"Hi." I was still wary.

"Your brother here says I scared you this afternoon… sorry 'bout that. Gotta admit, I wasn't in the best of moods. Somebody out there got some sorta deathwish and slashed my tires last night. Just been lookin' for your brother Darrel since I heard he had the same problem lately."

I didn't answer. So that was why he wasn't in his own car. Now I was even more sure that Tim was looking to hook up with Darry for some sort of revenge on whoever was after them, though.

"Scout's got court tomorrow," Soda explained my silence. "She's kinda worked up."

Tim nodded. "Don't sweat it, kid. You ain't in no trouble." I guess he knew the story.

"I'll be okay." I wasn't looking for any pity from Tim - in fact, I was feeling a growing anger toward him if he had any intention in getting any of my brothers involved in any sort of fighting.

"Darry still on the phone?" Soda asked me.

"I don't know," I answered. He had been when I came out but he tended to keep his phone conversations pretty short.

"Alright, well, I'll go get him. You comin in?" he turned to me.

"No, go ahead. I'll keep Tim company."

"Don't let Darry hear you sayin' that," Soda joked, and both he and Tim laughed, which just made me angrier. Soda headed into the house and I turned to face Tim through the fence.

"What's the matter, little Curtis? You need a gun or somethin'?" he smiled but I didn't return the gesture.

"No. I don't need anything. But mostly I don't need you dragging Darry into any trouble."

"What's that supposed to mean? Darry's my buddy, you know that. Just like you are, right?" He was playing on the fact that I owed him - and I _did_ - and I knew it, but sort of hated myself for it.

"Maybe he is – and him giving you and your friends jobs and stuff – well that's great – but we can't afford any trouble around here, Tim. Rumbles, even just plain fights – Darry gets caught up in any of that stuff and gets hauled in – I'll get sent away. I mean - I'm sorry about your tires and everything - but leave us out of it? Please." I was ashamed to look him in the eyes, begging as I was.

"Kid- why do you assume I'm out to get Darry involved in any of that? You ever think maybe I'm looking out to offer him some protection? You know how I operate – you mess with me – you mess with my friends. And I don't appreciate anyone messin' with me – or my friends."

I looked up, but didn't answer. He was staring right at me and while I wasn't _scared_, per se – I was definitely intimidated.

"Don't you worry, kid. I ain't gonna mess up things for you and your family. Darry and me – we got a business agreement, that's all. And that includes me lookin' out for his interests. You can understand that, right?" He winked and suddenly I wondered how I'd ever trusted him so much in the past. Right then he seemed like a complete liar – a player.

"Yeah," I whispered, hearing Darry emerge from the house behind me and his heavy footsteps approaching.

"Hey, Curtis," Tim greeted him over my shoulder.

"Shepard," Darry nodded at him and leaned up against the fence. "Scout said you were lookin' for me… what's up?"

"Just some business," he said, motioning towards me.

"Scout, why don't you go on in and relax. You got somethin' ready to wear tomorrow?"

I shook my head at how obvious it was they were trying to get rid of me and turned and headed back into the house without a word.

"She's upset," I heard Darry saying as I walked away. Yeah, I was upset – just not about what he thought. I prayed Darry would have the good sense to stay out of any trouble in which Tim was looking to involve him.

"Hey," Soda said as I came back in the front door. "C'mere," he gestured me over.

"_What?_"

"Sit," he motioned to the floor in front of him. "I'll give you a headrub."

As much as Darry loved having his back rubbed, I loved having my head rubbed. Whether it was the result of always having my hair pulled back tight, in braids or a ponytail, or just plain stress, nothing felt better than just letting all my hair down and having my scalp massaged. I sat down and pulled out my hair elastics, leaning my head forward.

"You hair's getting' real long again," Soda commented. "Looks nice." We were obviously in that pre-court pattern where everyone knew I was stressed and went out of their way to be nice to me.

"Thanks," I whispered.

"Gonna be fine, Scout. Promise." He was practically putting me to sleep, already.

"Mmm."

"You know it's all good, right? No matter what happens in court, we're all good, as a family."

"I know."

"What's got you all wound up, then, huh?" He moved his hands down to my shoulders. "Christ, you're more knotted up than Darry after a week of double shifts. What's up, baby?"

"Nothing," I murmured. I honestly wanted him to put me to sleep. I wanted to sleep, wake up, get the whole court date over with, and be done with it. Then I could focus on this whole issue with Tim.

"Alright," he whispered, leaning over. "But you know, we all got your back tomorrow. You just tell the truth, and we'll all be right there."

I nodded, and gave in to the relaxing sensation of his hands massaging my head until Darry came back inside, slamming the door and jolting me awake with a start.

"_Jesus_, Dar." I guess he startled Soda, too.

"Sorry. Looks like the two of you are about done for this world, anyway. You guys should get to bed – court comes awful early. I'll wake you up at 6:30 so we can all get showers in." I knew he'd wake me last. He headed off into his bedroom.

Soda stood up from the couch and pulled me up after him, both of us shuffling into our bedrooms. I put on pajamas and, too tired even to brush my teeth, crawled into bed. I heard Darry and Soda talking in the kitchen – mentions of tires and Tim and court – and I tried to block it all out.

I tried as hard as I could to focus on what everyone had been telling me – that court would be no big deal – that I wasn't in any danger of messing anything up – and that all I had to do was tell the truth – and I tried as hard as I could not to think about Tim Shepard and what he might want with Darry.

And somehow – for the first time ever the night before court – I fell soundly asleep.

**A/N: Court next. Hope at least a few of you can even remember why Scout and Soda are going there!**


	68. The Testimony

I heard Darry waking up Pony and Soda and all three of them taking showers well before anyone came in to get me up. This gave me a good forty-five minutes to work myself into a full on-panic, which I tried desperately to hide when Darry finally knocked on my door.

"I'm up," I answered, hoping he wouldn't come in. To my dismay, he opened the door and came over to the bed.

"I'm _up_, Darry. Let me just get up and take a shower, okay?"

"Alright." I didn't hear him move. I turned over to face him.

"I said, I'm getting up, _okay?_"

"Okay. I just don't want you to fall back asleep. You know court expects you to be on time."

"_I know_." I stared, and finally he relented.

"So – okay. Go get your shower. I'll go help Soda with breakfast."

"Fine. Thanks." I stood up, waiting for him to leave.

"And, Scout?"

"Yeah?"

"I know you're worried, but we're on your side. You can be cranky all you want with us, but that attitude isn't gonna be very well received in court. So if you really want to make a difference for those families, go ahead and take it all out on us, but you'd better get a handle on it before court." I remembered Pony getting a similar lecture the last time we'd been headed for court.

He was right – I _knew_ he was right and I wanted to cry, for being a brat to him when he didn't deserve it from me, but I didn't. I bit my lip and stood up, though I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"You're right. Sorry, Dar."

"It's okay," he answered. "I get it. But you need to remember that other families lost people they cared about and the state needs to know that was wrong. You're the one – the _only_ one - who can prove it – but nobody's going to take you seriously if you go in there with an attitude. You're a sensitive kid – I know you get upset, and I understand. So, just - go ahead and be upset with us, but… well, just try to pull it together for court, okay?"

"I will." Suddenly I realized just how many people really were counting on me and I vowed then and there to turn my attitude around. I _was_ the only person who had real answers – answers people deserved to hear and facts that the state needed to face and take responsibility for. By the time I was showered and dressed, I came to the table with a completely different attitude.

"You look great Scout," Soda commented, though he didn't look too shabby himself. Something about any of my brothers in a shirt and tie always made me smile – all three of them looking so sharp was absolutely laugh-inducing.

"_What?_" Pony called me on my attempt to stifle my giggles.

"Nothing. It's just - it's funny to see you guys all dressed up. You look like different people."

"You implying that us Curtis boys don't look this good every day?" Soda joked.

"No. I mean, you always look good. Just – now you look strangely good. Just reminds me that it's not a regular day."

"It _is_ a regular day, baby," Darry dumped eggs and bacon onto my plate. "It's a regular day. There's nothing to get upset about. You're just gonna tell your story about the accident. If you think about it – it isn't that bad. You've already told all of us – and the cops – you already even told the lawyer."

I stopped, mid-forkful of eggs.

"I did? When did I talk to the lawyer?" I wondered if I was losing my mind.

"One of the people who talked to you in the hospital in Muskogee was the lawyer. He was the one who asked me if you'd be willing to go to court to testify. The other families actually had a lawyer on standby and he went straight to the hospital after your accident. I gave permission over the phone for him to question you, so long as the police were there too."

I thought back. I remembered police in my room, and a few other people asking me questions – I guess I had just assumed they were plainclothes police. I didn't really remember anyone telling me they were a lawyer – but, then again, at that point I had been so frantic to see Soda and make sure he was okay that I didn't remember much.

"C'mon," Darry broke into my thoughts. "Finish up, we gotta go. Two-Bit's gonna be here any minute." We were going out to Muscogee in Two Bit's car so nobody would have to ride in the back of the truck. Sandy's parents were driving her out and would attend the trial – she, having lost her baby, actually had the most to gain of any of us in the settlement. But still – I was the only one who had stayed awake throughout the whole accident.

"I'm done," I said, pushing my plate away, still half full. Darry eyed me but I wasn't having it.

"Look, Dar – you know I'm worried. Last thing I want to do is throw up. I'm fine, okay? I'm just not that hungry."

"Okay," he agreed, nodding

Just then the sound of Two-Bit's horn reverberated throughout the house, and we all jumped.

"Leave the dishes, Soda," Darry said. "Let's just go."

Soda turned and followed us as we filed out the front door down to Two-Bit's car. I found myself silently praying that it would actually make it to Muskogee. I expected Darry to claim shotgun, but, to my surprise, he offered Pony the front, and I sat in the back, with Darry and Soda on either side.

"Y'all got everything you need?" Two-Bit asked. All I needed was a day's worth of courage, and I wasn't quite sure I had it, but I kept that to myself.

"All set," Darry answered, and we were off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I don't remember much of the ride – just that I replayed the accident over and over in my mind, trying to make sure that I had every detail down pat. I started from that morning, when we'd left the hotel, and finished when Darry had taken me home from the hospital and we'd left Soda. I tried to think of every possible question they might ask, and how I would respond to each one. By the time we got to the courthouse, I was feeling surprisingly confident.

"You alright?" Darry asked, as we all headed into the courthouse. I saw Soda looking over to see my answer.

"I'm fine," I answered. And I was.

We were met in the lobby by the prosecutor – which I asked Darry about and found out was the lawyer arguing against the state. It turned out that it was an assistant of his who had interviewed me in the hospital – he said it was my "deposition" and insisted that he'd told me then he was working for a lawyer, but I honestly couldn't remember. He had our conversation on tape though, so I believed him.

They took us all – My family and Two-Bit and Sandy and her family – into a room and explained to us that all of the other families who had been in accidents at that intersection had already testified. We got to meet them and, if I'd had any hesitations about going to court before then, they were all gone after meeting the families.

There was a girl younger than myself whose only sibling – an older brother Soda's age – had died in a crash there. Another family had lost their mother and a two-year-old boy; yet another had lost their father and one half of a set of four-year old twin girls.

I was devastated, for them – and overwhelmed with gratitude for the fact that we – me and Soda and Sandy and Two-Bit - had been through an accident at that same intersection – and all survived.

Except for the baby. Soda's baby. I hadn't thought about it much – about whether it had been Soda's or Steve's, but right then it didn't matter to me. It had been Sandy's – and Soda loved Sandy – and they would have taken care of that baby and it would have had a great life. We would have made sure of it.

That baby died because the traffic light was broken.

It was all completely overwhelming and by the time the introductions were over, I was more than ready to go to court and tell my story. Finally, I understood what everyone had been telling me – I was the _only one_ who had proof that the light was broken – and so many people were depending on me telling that story in order to come to terms with what had happened to them – and insist that the state fix such things so that they didn't happen to any more families.

When we were finally led into the courtroom – Darry and Soda by my side and Two-Bit and Pony following just behind, I was ready.

Unfortunately, I had quite a while to wait.

Two-Bit was first called to the stand. I had never seen him so dead-serious in my life. He swore to tell the truth, and he did. The fact is, though, he didn't have much to say. He'd been asleep the whole time – he didn't remember the crash or me falling on him after I finally unhooked my seatbelt. He told what he remembered and sat back down.

Sandy went next. She also didn't remember the crash, but hearing her account of when the doctor came to her in the hospital to tell her that her baby had died – well, that had all of us in tears and Soda sobbing on Darry's shoulder. I honestly had never really thought it through until an hour before – I'd known she was pregnant but the thought that that baby could have actually been Soda's kid – my niece or nephew – I hadn't really ever allowed myself to make that connection. My heart suddenly – months too late – was breaking for them, and I understood why Soda had needed a counselor to talk to – totally unrelated to what had happened to me. It just solidified my desire to make sure that the state made things right for all the people they could have spared so much pain had they just fixed the stupid light in the first place.

Soda was called up next – and having just had to hear Sandy's testimony, he was, at best, a total mess. He had been driving, he knew that he'd gone on green, but he hated the fact that – from the time of the crash until well after Sandy had lost the baby – he'd been unconscious. They had gone to the hospital in separate ambulances. He hadn't been able to be there for her. As the defense rested their case against him, Soda shuffled back to where we sat, broken and defeated. I hugged him, whispered in his ear that I loved him, and passed him down the line to Sandy, who wept with him.

"Prosecution calls Samantha Scout Curtis to the stand."

I took a deep breath, smoothed down my skirt, stood up, and approached the stand. I tried to ignore the sound of Sandy crying in the background. Darry stood up to let me get past him – his legs were too long to let anyone out of the row without standing – but he grabbed my hand as I passed by. I hesitated and looked back.

"Be strong," he said.

I squeezed his hand and let go, approaching the witness stand. The judge swore me in and I sat, hoping for the best. The first lawyer to get up was Mr. Leone, the lawyer I'd already met. His questions were just as I had prepared myself to answer. First, I had to describe the crash and the aftermath. He asked about my injuries, several times asking if I had, at any time, lost consciousness. I answered that no, I hadn't. I was able to answer all of his questions about what had happened at the hospital, after the crash.

"So, Scout, let's go back to the period just before the crash. It's been stated that nobody but you and your brother Sodapop were awake at that point. Is this accurate?"

"Yes. Sandy and Two-Bit were asleep. It was raining – I wanted to stay awake to talk to Soda since he was driving."

"Do you recall the content of that conversation?"

"You mean, what we were talking about?"

"Yes. Can you recall that?"

"Yes."

"Would you be willing to share that with the court?"

"I… I'm not sure why…" I hesitated. "It was just between Soda and me."

"Your recollection of that conversation proves that you were alert both before and after the accident. Are you willing to share that?"

I glanced at Soda and he nodded.

"Okay," I agreed.

"Alright then, Miss Curtis, can you tell me what you and your brother were taking about before the crash?"

"He was talking to me… he was just saying that he didn't feel like he had any sort of talents, like he… like he wasn't good for anything, or something – I was kind of arguing with him – I was telling him how he knows how to do stuff that none of the rest of us in our family can do – I mean, like - he can fix cars and just about anything – and he's really good at things that the rest of us aren't."

I glanced over and saw Darry and Pony both looking over toward Soda with disbelief and I knew they felt what I had then – that we so rarely took time to remind him about just how important he was to our family. The lawyer spoke and I looked back at him.

"So, you were busy assuring him of all this – meanwhile, were you also watching the traffic light?"

"Yes, I was. I was sitting behind him, so I was looking out the windshield, just like he was."

"And you saw a green light?"

"Yes, sir. I did."

"You are willing to say, under oath, here in court, that your brother Sodapop Curtis did not proceed through that intersection until the signal displayed a green light?"

"Yes. Yes, sir, I am. I saw it myself, and it was green."

"The prosecution rests it's case."

I would have loved for our day in court to end there – just as I had practiced for – totally able to answer all of the questions just as I'd practiced.

Unfortunately, it didn't.

We were all in line to be cross-examined by the defense attorney – the lawyer defending the state. After a short break, we were all called back to the stand, one by one – and not just asked to explain the events of the accident – but to defend our involvement in it.

We were called in the same order.

Two-Bit, called first, answered most of the lawyer's questions with "I don't know, sir" or "I'm sorry, I don't remember." He had been either asleep or unconscious for most of the car ride.

Sandy was called next, and didn't have much to offer either, having been asleep at the time of the crash. I wasn't sure why the lawyer even bothered to ask her questions related to the crash, as it had already been clearly established that she was asleep when it happened , and unconscious for quite a while thereafter.

Soda's testimony was different. They asked him weird stuff, like whether he was happy with Darry as a guardian, and whether he wanted the baby Sandy was carrying. He cried as he assured the lawyer that yes, indeed, he did, and outright snapped at the assertion that the crash might have been any sort of planned stunt to cause a miscarriage, adding that he had me and Two-Bit in the car, and that he loved all four of us and had no intention of risking anyone's life.

I felt Darry tense next to me at the accusation, and I leaned up against him. I noticed Sandy's parents react also, and her mother pull her close.

They continued to ask Soda questions – had the car been inspected, were the brakes working correctly, had he gotten enough sleep the night before, was he looking at me rather than at the light since we were talking just before the crash occurred – he answered them all confidently and I was so proud of him. By the time they finally stopped their questioning I was absolutely exhausted for him.

Unfortunately, I was next.

The lawyer called me to the stand and I hesitated. I just had a bad feeling about it. But Soda, just having taken a seat, gave me a nod and a wink and I summoned all of my nerve and stood up.

Darry stood up to let me pass by and I felt him squeeze my shoulder on the way past. I made my way back to the witness stand, feeling like the entire courtroom was swallowing me.

I had to swear to tell the truth again – I did, then went over to the witness stand, where I sat, and waited.

The lawyer walked around the courtroom a few times before asking anything. Finally, he stopped in front of me and unloaded.

"How old are you, Miss Curtis?" He stared straight at me and began walking towards me. I looked down at my lap.

"Twelve," I said, but my voice failed me and it came out barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry, Miss Curtis, can you speak up so the court can hear you?"

I cleared my throat, and forced myself to look up again.

"I'm twelve. I'll be thirteen in October."

"And what grade are you in at school?"

"I'll be a freshman in the fall."

"In high school?"

"Yes, sir. I got put ahead a year last year."

"I see." He seemed to be rethinking his questioning – it seemed almost like he was disappointed that I turned out to be smart. I shifted in my seat and caught a glance of Soda fidgeting and Darry giving him a look.

"Miss Curtis, I understand you are currently in the custody of your oldest brother, Darrel?"

"Yes." I couldn't really see the need for any further explanation about that. He was right.

"And why is that? Could you explain why your brother is your legal guardian?"

I was surprised at the question. I mean, if he really wanted to know, he could have looked it up at the library. Our parents' accident had been all over the papers. I glanced over at Darry and his brow was furrowed. Clearly he had no idea where the lawyer was going with this, either.

"My parents died last year. Darry – Darrel has custody of me and my other brothers."

"Could you elaborate on that?"

I had no idea what he was talking about, and I panicked.

"Um… I… I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean."

"How did your parents die, Miss Curtis?"

I looked over at Darry, and he appeared completely livid. I knew he hadn't expected anything like this to come up in questioning, and frankly, I had no idea why it _was_. It had nothing to do with the accident Soda was in, as far as I could tell.

"Objection, your honor!" Apparently Mr. Leone didn't like it either, and I felt a small satisfaction at finally somebody yelling out an objection in my court experience. "This line of questioning is irrelevant to this case."

"Overruled," the judge said, "I'll allow this, Mr. Demaio, but I advise you to get to your point sooner, rather than later." The judge offered what seemed like a sympathetic glance in my direction.

I wasn't sure what to do, whether to answer the question or not.

"Miss Curtis, let me ask you again: How did your parents die?" I looked over at the judge and he nodded.

"They were in a car accident," I tried not to whisper but it wasn't the sort of thing I felt like proclaiming to the whole world.

"A car accident, you said?"

"Yes."

"Miss Curtis, when did this accident occur?"

Darry was leaning forward, I could see him whispering with Mr. Leone. He was clearly _not_ happy.

"Last year."

"Could you be more specific?"

"Objection… again, your honor, this line of questioning is irrelevant."

"Overruled. Mr. Demaio, make your point now or these questions are disallowed and stricken from the record."

I had no idea what to do, again. I felt sick and the way my brothers were looking at me didn't help matters.

"Miss Curtis, when did your parents die?"

"October second." I'd never forget… I never could.

"October second… that's your birthday, is it not?" I could see Darry turning red and I tried not to look at him – I was already upset enough. I had no idea why I was being asked these questions.

"Yes," I managed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. Is October second both your birthday and the night your parents died?"

Hearing it out loud brought the tears and I tried to fight them back.

"Yes." I bit my lip as hard as I could and took a deep breath, trying harder than I ever had not to cry.

"I understand there was never a settlement regarding your parents' wrongful deaths?"

I suddenly very strongly regretted ever agreeing to come back to court. While everyone had assured me this time would be easy - no problem at all - it was already the most difficult time I had ever had in court and it had just barely even started. I didn't understand this lawyer and his questions, nor did I have any idea why he was asking them and what they had to do with Soda's crash.

"I don't… I don't know what you mean. They died – I mean, it got settled that way."

The lawyer chuckled at me and out of the corner of my eye I saw Darry visibly tense. I turned to look at him and saw his fists clenched in his lap, his face reddening. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to tear that lawyer to pieces.

"I'm sorry, Miss Curtis, let me rephrase that. You never received any money as a result of your parents' deaths, did you?"

I felt stupid. I was so mixed up I'd forgotten that "settlement" meant money you got from winning a court case.

"No," I managed.

"Exactly," he responded. "Your family didn't receive any money after the death of your parents, so this was the perfect opportunity to shake down the state of Oklahoma and get what you felt you rightfully had coming to you, now wasn't it?"

"Objection, your honor!" Mr. Demaio yelled, though I was so completely flabbergasted by the accusation that I had no ability to appreciate it. Suddenly everything that lawyer was implying sank in. I felt an anger rising in me that could give Darry's wrath a run for its money.

"Sustained," the judge answered. "This line of questioning is not relevant to this case. Miss Curtis, you don't need to respond."

But the rage in me was boiling over, and suddenly I didn't care about the fact that I was in court, I wasn't going to leave or move on without having the final say in this matter.

"No," I surprised myself at the volume of my voice, and apparently surprised everyone else as well, as I could feel all eyes in the courtroom focus on me.

"I want to," I asserted. "I'll answer."

"Scout…" Mr. Leone and Darry responded at the same time, though the looks on their faces were nearly opposite. Mr. Leone looked panicked, like I was going to mess up the whole court case, while Darry looked a curious combination of extreme anger and overwhelming concern.

"_No_," I repeated. Seeing Mr. Leone so worried about me ruining his case reminded me that there were other families depending on my testimony – counting on me to get them the settlement they deserved. No way was I going to let it look like I was trying to get away with something by using them.

"I want to answer." I was surprised at my own confidence.

All three of my brothers looked a combination of shocked, angry, and miserable, and Mr. Leone looked simply horrified.

"Miss Curtis," the judge faced me, "be aware that any comments you make will be a part of the permanent court record."

"I don't care." I had tunnel vision, and Mr. Demaio was the focus. I turned to face him.

"Alright then," the judge answered, looking concerned. "Go on."

"How dare you," I started, barely at a whisper, not believing the tone I was taking with an authority figure, not sure whether my parents would be proud or roll over in their graves with horror – but realizing that this _was_ in their honor - and in honor of the children they had raised.

"You never knew my parents," I continued," and you don't know me or my brothers, either."

"Scout, you don't have to –" Soda started, but stopped when I glared at him and the judge raised his gavel. For once, inexplicably, I felt in control.

"I'm twelve years old," I almost hissed at Mr. Demaio. "I have no mother, and no father. I'd be an orphan if my brother wasn't willing to give up a lot of his own life to take care of me and my other brothers. Nobody forced me to come here, and no matter what happens today in this court, it won't change the fact that my parents are gone." I felt tears rising and stopped to take a breath and compose myself. I glanced up and saw Darry about to explode, Soda looking like he wanted to leap over the benches to save me, and Pony wiping a tear from his eye.

"If you think," my voice faltered but I gritted my teeth and summoned all I had not to give in - not to look weak. I cleared my voice and started again.

"If you think that I'm here because of my parents – that somehow if we got some sort of money because of Soda's accident, it would make up for losing them - well, it wouldn't. I don't care about any money – there's nothing I could get that I'd want more than having them back. I'd PAY any amount to have them back."

I was suddenly out of breath, and realized I'd practically been yelling. All three brothers sat frozen, shocked. I closed my eyes for a minute and tried to calm down.

"Any amount," I repeated, making a conscious effort not to yell. "I loved them. I miss them – I'd give anything to have them back – to…" I shook my head, disbelieving what this had come to.

"Miss Curtis," the judge started, "If you…"

"I'm not done," I interrupted, and immediately realized how inappropriate that was. "Your honor, I mean, I'm sorry. I just –"

"That's alright. Go ahead."

I'd lost my thunder that I'd had in terms of talking about my own parents, but looking out at the other families that had lost loved ones, I knew I was the only voice they had.

"Just…" I started, "this has nothing to do with my parents, except for the fact that these other families lost people they loved, too – and I know how that feels. And it didn't have to happen. I could have lost even more people I care about, and it was something that should have been fixed – and wasn't. I could have lost my brother because the state didn't fix something they knew was broken. I'm not here to talk about my parents, I'm here to talk about what happened to me in my brother's car that never should have happened. My parents are gone and I don't want to talk about them any more in this court. This has nothing to do with them. This is about a traffic light in Muskogee. My parents weren't there. I was there, and that's why I'm here."

There was absolute silence in the court, and finally the judge spoke.

"Are you done, Miss Curtis?" He looked over at me and I swear, for a second I saw my Dad's face, beaming with pride.

"Yes," I answered.

"In that case, this court shall observe a fifteen minute recess. Questioning will continue when we reconvene." He suddenly stood up and exited out the door behind his desk.

I wasn't sure what was going on, but Mr. Leone came over and explained.

"Bathroom break. You've got fifteen minutes."

"Can I get up?"

"Of course!"

I jumped up and headed immediately for my family.

"Oh, and Scout?" Mr. Leone called after me.

"Yeah?"

"You handled yourself real well up there."

"Thanks," I answered, suddenly feeling Darry's arms around me so tightly I could hardly breathe – but feeling decidedly less suffocated than I had up on the stand. I closed my eyes against his neck and, for the moment, let the tears fall.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N So there's a nice long one for you. Trying to keep the momentum going. Thanks for the enthusiastic reviews for last chapter after such a ridiculous hiatus – my readers are the best.**


	69. The Confidence

I ran toward my brothers and was surprised that it was Soda who swept me up into a hug. Darry was already too busy getting into it with our lawyer.

"We need to talk," he was clearly livid, but trying to contain himself, being in a public setting. "Now. In private."

The look on Darry's face was one I had never seen before, and if I were Mr. Leone, I would have probably feared for my life. Seriously, Darry looked ready to kill someone, with his bare hands. The only time I had seen a similar expression on him was when he found out that it was Steve who had hurt me.

Mr. Leone nodded, and motioned to Darry to follow. He did, along with Pony, but Soda held me still for a moment.

"Amazing. Scout, you were amazing. I mean, _God_ – I bawled like a baby and they didn't even give me a hard time about Mom and Dad like they did you."

"They asked you about Sandy – and her_ baby_, Soda. Of course you cried." I was totally disappointed with myself for not realizing much sooner how much that baby had meant to both Sandy and Soda – it _could_ have been Steve's – which they would have handled – but it just as well could have been Soda's. Either way – it would have had a loving set of parents and a healthy contingent of aunts and uncles, both legitimate _and_ honorary.

"Yeah, but, I mean – Mom and Dad, them accusing us of all that – them accusing _you…_ "

"We'd better go with them," I interrupted, seeing Darry, Pony and Mr. Leone heading through a side door. I was worried about what was going to happen with Darry so angry. I thought he had enough self-control not to do anything stupid, but I wasn't completely sure. He was angry enough to even scare me, a little.

I heard the controlled yelling before I opened the door.

"How the hell did that just happen in there? You promised me that this would be an open–and-shut case – that this wouldn't be upsetting for her. Christ – bringing up our parents' _deaths_? No way in hell would I have agreed to this if I thought she'd be up against anything like what he was making her talk about. I can't even _believe_ I agreed to let her do this."

While I understood Darry's anger at the lawyer, I wanted him to know that I wasn't upset with him. I knew he never expected those questions and would never have let me come if he had.

"It's okay." I spoke up, just as he was about to start in again on Mr. Leone. Everyone turned towards Soda and me in the doorway.

"Don't yell, Dar. It's okay._ I'm_ okay."

"It's _not_ okay. Jesus, Scout. Implying that this has anything to do with Mom and Dad – that's _bullshit_. You shouldn't have had to answer to that."

"I didn't, Darry, remember? The judge said I didn't. I _wanted_ to. Those families lost people they loved – just like us losing Mom and Dad. That lawyer was trying to make me look like I had some sort of other reason for being here other than making the state fix that light and admit they made a mistake – no _way_ I was going to let them think that. I meant it – I miss Mom and Dad like crazy, but if we got money from being here that wouldn't change anything. I mean - you know that."

Darry just shook his head at me.

"I never anticipated the judge would allow that line of questioning to continue as long as he did, Darrel," Mr. Leone tried to calm him down. "Honestly, I was shocked that he overruled my objection. Frankly, I think Scout handled herself remarkably well up there. It's rare for someone her age to remain so poised and be able to regain her composure like that under such an emotional line of questioning. Her ability to remain so eloquent under pressure certainly added a lot to her credibility as a child witness."

Darry seemed to be calming down a bit, but I could still see the fire in his eyes.

"Look, I said I wanted to do this, and we're here, so let me just finish what I started, okay? I don't want to look like a quitter and let those families down." That was clearly the right thing to say, as all three brothers had been just as affected by the meeting with the families as I had. I saw him slowly relenting.

"They can't ask her any more questions about our parents, right? " Darry looked at Mr. Leone.

"No, the judge disallowed that line of questioning. From now on I think he'll be keeping a tighter lid on things. The questions should be nothing but straightforward from here on in."

"I'll be fine," I reassured all three brothers and Mr. Leone, who were staring at me with concern. "I mean, if I handled all that without falling apart – I'm sure I can deal with whatever else they ask me."

Darry's expression suddenly softened, and anger turned to concern.

"I'm sorry, baby – after all I said about how this would be easy. If I knew…"

"It's okay. I know you didn't know."

The door to the room suddenly opened and somebody in a uniform stuck their head in.

"Judge says two minutes."

"Okay," Mr. Leone answered, without looking over. The door closed again.

"I know you didn't know," I repeated. "I'm okay now. I'm not upset."

I was surprised to see Ponyboy grab Darry's arm and even more surprised by what he said, eye to eye with the very brother he so loved to incite.

"Let her finish, Darry. She's stronger than you give her credit for sometimes. She'll be okay." I never in a million years would have expected those words to come out of Pony's mouth, sticking up for me in such a way – but I think he identified with that sentiment himself – of not being though of as "strong enough," sometimes, too. Once again, that commonness that everyone else saw between me and Pony became apparent, for a moment.

"You're sure?" Darry faced me again, and I nodded.

"We need to get back in there," Mr. Leone looked nervous. "If we're not there when the judge gets back, it's grounds for contempt."

"Let's go," I said, turning and heading back, not giving anyone a chance to change their mind. Soda grabbed my hand and walked back in with me, Pony catching back up as we sat down.

"Thanks, Pone," I squeezed his knee, looking over as he slid in to the row next to me.

"You _are_ strong," he whispered. Darry dropped into the space beside Pony just as the judge returned and we all had to rise.

I was immediately called back to the stand, and was happy to see that as I looked out into the courtroom, my family looked more relaxed. Not exactly happy – but not angry or panic-stricken, at least. Mr. Leone had been right – the rest of the questioning was completely straightforward, and had to do only with the accident in Soda's car. A few times he tried to imply that I wasn't remembering clearly or hadn't been completely alert throughout the whole accident, but the fact that I could describe the whole thing in detail - with no gaps in time I hoped would serve to disprove that.

After what felt like days but was, according to the clock on the courtroom wall, only a little under an hour, the defense finally rested its case.

I sat there for a minute, not sure what to do. The judge started giving instructions to the jury until he noticed the man in uniform at the back of the courtroom motioning towards me.

"Miss Curtis, you are dismissed. You may return to your seat."

I jumped up immediately and heard a ripple of laughter in the courtroom as I hurried back to the row and slid in next to Darry. I was so glad to be done that I didn't even care. Darry's arm was around me and the relief drained out of me at having survived, and – in the process, surprised both myself and my family at my ability to stay composed under pressure. I was seriously so drained, exhausted, and overwhelmed that I didn't hear a word that was being said. Suddenly everyone was standing up and starting to leave and Darry was prodding at me to get up.

"Wait, what happened? I wasn't paying attention."

"We're done here. It's all up to the jury, now."

"We can leave?"

"We can, and we are. That is, unless you want to stick around," he grinned down at me. "But our job here is done."

I practically ran out of the courtroom. I was headed off in the lobby by Two-Bit, who grabbed me on my way by.

"Whoa, lady. Order in the court! Slow down! Where's those brothers of yours?"

"We're here," Soda appeared, his arm around Sandy. Pony and Darry came around the corner a few seconds later.

"So where we goin'?" Two-Bit asked. "Still got a whole afternoon ahead of us." It was only just after one-thirty, and I realized that I was absolutely starving, which meant my brothers must have been just a few minutes shy of gnawing on their own arms.

"I 'm goin' home," Sandy responded, rolling her eyes. "Gotta ride back with my folks." She was smiling, though, and it seemed like her relationship with her parents was back on track since the last time we'd been in Muskogee. I had to admit to noticing that her brother hadn't been in court, though. She gave Soda a quick kiss, slapped Two-Bit on the head in return to his smooching noises, and left to join her parents.

"Okay, so what's up with the rest of us then? We goin' out to lunch?" Two-Bit rubbed his head.

"Sounds good to me," Soda and I said, almost in unison.

"I was thinkin' of getting back to Tulsa sooner rather than later, actually," Darry started.

"C'mon, Dar. I'm a growing teenager. I'm starving." For Pony to have gone almost six hours without eating anything actually was pretty remarkable.

"I'm pretty hungry, too," I admitted. I would have loved to have back the eggs I'd passed on that morning.

"C'mon Superman, you can't let your family starve! 'Specially what with you havin' a star witness in your midst and all. Christ, the people from that Perry Mason show are probably gonna be callin' to offer Scout a starring role!" He gave me a playful punch on my shoulder and I shoved him back, gaining a sneer in my direction, which made me giggle.

"Where we gonna go, then, wise guy?" Darry asked. "I don't know where anything is in this place except the courthouse and the hospital."

"Well, lets just say I kinda might've got a little lost on my way through here back a few months ago. Did a little sightseeing, you might say. Lucky for us, I happened to stop in to use the restroom at a respectable looking establishment just a few blocks away from here."

Darry looked out at us and I imagined we looked like baby birds, our mouths wide open for food. He just shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Okay, you guys win. Lead the way, Mathews. And - no sightseeing this time."

XXXXXXX

Two-Bit's idea of a respectable establishment turned out to be a diner, which was actually fine with all of us. We were more than willing to cut corners on beauty and cleanliness in favor of speed. Within ten minutes of sitting down, we already had our burgers and we all sat in a booth pretty much inhaling our food.

"Thought you weren't hungry there, Chief," Two-Bit taunted Darry as he started on his second burger.

"Never said I wasn't hungry – just that I wanted to get back home quickly – and I still do. So shut your trap and eat."

"Okay, then." Two-Bit wisely shut himself up by opening his mouth and inserting his burger.

I ate about half of my meal and then started to get a bit worked up again. My part was done, but nothing was really resolved. The jury still had to decide if the state had been at fault.

"When will we know?" I asked, breaking the silence and finding all eyes suddenly on me.

"I mean, we're leaving – is somebody going to call us and tell us what the jury decided? How long does that take?" I realized I'd pretty much just taken off out of the courtroom without really knowing what came next.

I waited while Darry swallowed. It had been his last bite and he signaled to the waitress for the check.

"The lawyer'll call us. No saying how long it will take. Could be hours, could be days. Don't worry about it, 'kay? And I swear on my life, I will never let you offer to testify in court again. I swear, if I knew…" I could see him getting upset again and cut him off.

"It's okay, Dar. Really. Like I said, I know you didn't know they were going to ask about any of that. It's okay; I got through it, and it's over."

"Amen to that," Soda chimed in, standing up. "Let's go home."

The ride home was uneventful – the combination of full stomachs, a highly stressful morning, and the roar of the engine caused all three of us in the back seat to fall asleep, leaving Darry and Two-Bit talking quietly up front. Honestly, his car was so loud I couldn't have heard the conversation even if I'd wanted to. I think all of us were secretly hoping the car would at least make it to the Tulsa city limits before self-destructing.

It must have made it, though, because suddenly it was shuddering to a halt in our driveway and Two-Bit was yelling and slamming his door.

"Last stop, Curtises!"

Pony, Soda and I were all groggy, untangling ourselves from each other. I wanted nothing more than to go into the house and continue my nap, but I was pretty sure Darry wouldn't be on board with that plan. Pony and Soda seemed to wake up pretty quick and before I managed to drag myself out of the car they were already inside, Two-Bit following, presumably to get a beer.

I stretched and put my head back down on the seat where moments ago Soda had been.

"C'mon Scout. Come in the house."

I opened my eyes and stared up at Darry.

"I'm tired, Darry. God, don't you ever just get tired?"

I was surprised at his response: an honest, heartfelt, real-live laugh. It was immediately apparent how much less stress he was feeling with this whole court ordeal behind us. His laugh sounded so good that I giggled myself.

"What?" I asked. "I'm tired. Why's that so funny?"

"Baby, tired is a permanent state with me. I'm so tired all the time that I'm not even sure what _not_ tired feels like anymore."

I had to admit, Darry did have reason to be far more tired than any of the rest of us. He had work and us to take care of, as well as all of the pressure from the state, the bills, taking care of the house… Yet he never got to take a nap. He held out his hand to me and I took it, letting him pull me out of the car. He threw his arm around my shoulder and walked me up to the house.

"You did great, you know – Mom and Dad would have been real proud. We're all proud."

"Thanks," I answered, not looking up. "I hope it gets those families what they deserve."

Just as we stepped onto the porch, the phone rang. I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Do you think –" I started.

"I doubt it," Darry responded, heading through the door. "It's only been a few hours. There were a lot of separate charges the jury had to deliberate on."

I followed him inside and it was obvious from the friendly tone of the conversation that it wasn't the lawyer. I figured out pretty quick that it was, instead, Two-Bit's mom, which was confirmed as Darry hung up.

"Mr. Mathews, seems your presence is requested at your house."

"Oh yeah? By who?"

Darry just stared.

"So I'm guessin' it ain't Katie, then?" Two-Bit settled back into the couch, tossing his bottle cap at Soda, who yelped, and taking a swig of beer.

"She wants you home _now_, buddy. Like, as in five minutes ago."

Darry nudged him off the couch as he sat down in his place.

"Okay, I get it," Two-Bit pretended to pout. "I ain't wanted around here, even though I just drove y'all practically across the state."

None of us responded. The fact was, he had to go practically across the state himself, anyway.

Not getting the sympathy he'd hoped for, he declared:

"So, that's alright... I guess I'll just take this one for the road, then. See y'all later." He turned and was gone

"Yeah, don't let the door smack your ass on the way out," Soda called after him, attempting payback for the bottlecap to the face, but Two-Bit obviously didn't hear him, as there was no wiseass reply.

Ponyboy stood up, mumbling about heading out for a smoke, but Darry grabbed him on the leg as he passed by.

"Hold up, Pony. Sit down for a minute, okay?"

"Why? What's up?" Darry's sudden serious tone caught all of us off guard.

"Just sit down." Pony sat, and as we all faced Darry he spoke words that struck fear in my heart, as they generally meant nothing good.

"We have to talk," he stared at us, his jaw tight and his tone dead serious. "All four of us."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**A/N: Hope to update more frequently this summer. Reviews are very much loved and appreciated.**


	70. The Tickets

I sat back down, immediately. Unless you are in the middle of an argument, for the most part when Darry tells you to do something, you do it.

Soda and Pony, having sat right back down too, both spoke simultaneously.

"Why?" Pony demanded.

"What's going on, Dar?" Soda questioned.

"I just think we just need to talk, is all. I feel like some stuff came up today that needs to be cleared up."

I was immediately worried that I'd said something wrong, and he picked up on my worry right away just by the look on my face, apparently.

"Relax, Scout. It's not about anything you said being bad. I was just surprised by some of it. I just want to make sure we're all on the same page here." He sat down on the arm of the chair where I was sitting.

"Same page about what?" Pony asked. I saw him glancing at the clock and figured he was probably expecting a phone call from a certain girl, or was expected to call her.

"Well, first of all – Scout… what that lawyer asked you, about the night Mom and Dad died – they _didn't_ die on your birthday. You knew that, right? I saw the death certificate. They died _after_ midnight. That lawyer was just trying to make it look like somehow you would be more affected by it than the rest of us since it happened the night of your birthday."

"I know." I had read the obituary, and knew that the date on it was their anniversary, the day _after_ my birthday.

"Why'd you say it was on your birthday, then?" Soda asked.

"I don't know… It's not like I really had any idea what was going on up there – I mean, I wasn't expecting him to ask about anything like that. It _feels_ like it was the same day as my birthday - since it was before morning that we found out about it. Seemed like the same day. I guess I was just caught off guard, and I didn't really think about it - about arguing with him. Not until I really got mad, anyway. I'm sorry." I was still worried to death that something I said was going to mess up the whole case for all those families who had lost loved ones. There was no pressure quite like being a 12 year old "star witness," I was realizing.

"No being sorry," Darry insisted. "You did great up there."

"So that's what you're worried about? It wasn't _that_ big of a deal, was it? I mean, what difference does it make? The judge said he wouldn't allow any of that stuff anyway." I was surprised this was being considered an issue.

"It shouldn't make any difference. I just wanted to make sure you had the facts right. They didn't die on your birthday. Your birthday was a great day, with all of us together, and I just want us all - especially you - to remember it that way."

Nobody spoke for a moment. It had, we all knew, been the _last_ time we'd all been together.

"Is that it?" Pony finally asked. "I have a book I want to get back to."

"No, not yet," Darry answered. "Your _phone call_ can wait. Nice try, though." Soda laughed and Pony scowled. I didn't say a word – I figured us having a truce in regards to not teasing each other about our love interests cold only eventually work in both our favors.

"I think we need to talk about something else Scout was saying."

I sighed, wondering what else I might have messed up, and Darry laughed at me.

"Relax, Miss Paranoid, it's nothing bad. It's not even about you. Just something that came up that made me a little worried."

"What?" I asked, not entirely sure I wanted to know.

"When the lawyer asked you what you and Soda were talking about in the car, just before the crash…"

"Forget it Darry," Soda interrupted, anticipating what was coming. "It was no big deal."

"I wouldn't 've said anything, Soda," I jumped in, remembering how I'd tried to keep that conversation private. Soda wasn't one to open up and show his insecurities very often, and I knew he wouldn't be thrilled to have it all put out there in the open. "But, they said - I guess they needed me to answer to prove I hadn't been asleep, or forgotten anything about the crash."

"I know." He looked over at me. "It's fine. But Darry, it ain't anything we have to talk over. It's okay."

"No," Darry was firm. "It's _not_ okay, and it _absolutely_ is something we have to talk about."

Soda looked down and I could tell he wasn't looking forward to this particular talk.

"I _told_ him he was wrong." I offered.

"He was dead wrong," Darry continued with a strong voice. "Soda, if you're thinking you're any less valuable in this family than the rest of us – that's nothing but just plain bull."

He didn't answer, and I saw him biting his lip, something I did all the time when I was upset but not something I'd ever seen any of my brothers ever do.

"You don't really think that, do you?" Pony seemed shocked. Soda didn't answer.

"You _do_?" Pony moved over closer to him on the . "_Why?_ Hell, Soda, you know I depend on you. So much I took over your bedroom," Pony tried to make him smile, and when he didn't Pony's voice softened. "I never would have made it through the past year without you."

"That's not really what he was talking about, Pony," I tried to explain.

"Out with it, Soda," Darry demanded. "We're not done here until this gets worked out."

Soda remained quiet, but it became clear that Darry wasn't relenting on this one.

"Take your time," he said, his tone suddenly soft.

"It ain't about…" Soda started, then stopped. "It ain't about havin' someone to talk to at night, Pony. I mean, that's just being your brother. That don't take any brains. It's just…"

"Just what?" Pony had his hand on his shoulder.

"It's just hard sometimes, feelin' like an idiot in a house full of geniuses," he finally blurted out. I immediately started laughing, despite myself. I was about the farthest thing from a genius I could imagine.

"Shut up, Scout," Darry snapped at me and I realized what a jerk I was for laughing when Soda was opening up about something that so obviously had been bothering him for quite a while.

"I'm sorry," I stopped immediately. "Just… I am definitely _not_ a genius."

"Nobody in this house is anywhere close to genius material," Darry added. "Believe me."

"Well it feels like it sometimes," Soda continued. "Feels like you all are. You guys are all about reading, and writing, and math… Darry helps you guys with homework 'cause you all know I can't. I sit around reading car magazines and listen to you guys talk and I just feel dumb. Like you three are just in a totally different league, like some smart club or something, and I'm the joker who's out in the parking lot parking cars for the people smart enough to get inside."

The three of us looked at each other, shell-shocked.

"I hate math," I somehow felt that would be helpful to add, but nobody responded.

"Soda," Darry started, slowly, "Has anybody in this house ever called you stupid, or anything like that?" It was a good point, I thought. Two-Bit and Steve had always joked about Darry having a hard head with nothing much inside, but none of us had ever called Soda dumb. I don't think any of us had ever thought it, even. I know I hadn't.

None of us, except Soda, that is. I realized that we had all just sort of brushed off his put-downs of himself, thinking he was trying to justify quitting school and working instead, which we all really thought he wanted to do anyway. But, we all suddenly realized, he had been believing all of those bad things he'd been saying about himself, and letting them eat away at his self-worth, little by little. I looked desperately at Darry and Pony, wondering what we should say – how to possibly fix it.

"No," Soda answered. "You guys don't need to say anything. I already know - it's just a fact, I mean, when Sandy took off – before I knew why – that's when it really hit me, you know? I mean, why would _any_ girl want to be with me? I ain't got much of a future to offer – not like you guys. I'm not goin' to college – best I can hope for is the army – and that's not exactly a great situation – I mean, not like they make dropouts into generals or something."

"Knock that off. We've talked about this. You're not goin' into the army. You get drafted, we'll deal with that. But you ain't enlisting." Darry was stone-faced.

This was the first I had heard any talk of Soda enlisting and from the look on Pony's face, it was his first, too. My stomach turned to rock.

"Why not, Darry?" Soda was suddenly angry, standing up and banging his fist against the wall. "_Why not?_ I don't have what you guys have. I hear you talking about Scout's math homework and she's five years younger than me and _I_ don't even get it. How do you think that feels?"

"I don't get it, either," I offered.

"Scout's math isn't the issue here," Darry interrupted. "Plus the fact that she and Pony both are taking advanced classes two years above other kids their age. You think I can write like she and Pony can? Or draw like Pony? You think I understand stuff like poems like those two can? Jesus, Soda, everybody has different skills. Scout's right – she hates math…." He trailed off, seemingly not sure where to go from there, now that he had Soda's attention.

"Darry, don't even try to convince me _you're_ not smart, because we all know you are." Soda stared up at him.

"Darry is smart. No matter what anybody says, we all know that. But so are you, Soda. Jesus, you know more about taking stuff apart and putting things together than anyone I know. I watch you at work doing stuff to those cars and I have no idea what's going on. How many times have you asked me for a tool and I've handed you the wrong thing?" Pony was getting worked up.

"That's work, Pony. It's different.."

"That's exactly what we're trying to tell you," Darry cut in. "You may not be book smart – that doesn't make you dumb."

"Soda, how much was gas today?" I had watched Soda at work, too, and I suddenly had an idea.

"_What?_"

"Humor me. How much per gallon?"

"Thirty one cents."

"How many gallons does the truck take?"

"Scout, what are…?"

"Just answer me. How much?"

"Ten gallons, empty. Usually about nine and a half since we catch it just before we run out." Darry and Pony were quiet, waiting to see where I was going with all this.

"Okay, so nine and a half gallons. How much to fill up the truck today?"

"Two ninety-five." He answered almost immediately.

"Darry, is that right?" I glanced over at him and he took a few seconds working it out in his head.

"Yeah. Two ninety-five."

"How'd you figure that out, Soda?" I asked.

"I don't know – you just split it up. You know, thirty times nine, plus one times nine, plus half of thirty. Comes out to two ninety four and a half, so you round up."

"Okay, so, Darry - you've watched me do math. If I did that in my head that fast, what are the chances I would get it right?" I asked.

He laughed. "Not very good. Pretty bad, actually. You tend to get it wrong even with pencil and paper quite a bit."

"Right, and so does Pony. Because we rush, and it doesn't come second nature to us." I turned back to Soda.

"You just did that in your head, faster than I could do it on paper, and probably Pony too. I've seen you do it over and over again at the station when the register's broken. You're _not_ stupid." I hoped I was making my point. "You know what the problem is? You're thinking that school – and our grades – is what really measures how smart someone is. But think about it – Pony gets good grades, but he does dumb stuff all the time."

"Hey!" Pony objected.

"No, she's right," Darry jumped in. "Pony and Scout's grades are good, but I can't count on them to fix the car, or anything in the house. Good old common sense seems to be lacking, a great deal of the time with those two. You do things at the DX every day that require all sorts of skills the rest of us don't have. You think Scout could change out a transmission?"

"No," he admitted.

"You think Pony knows how to reframe a door like we did last summer?"

"No, but…"

"There's no _but_," Pony chimed in. "You're not dumb, Soda. You're not even bad at the stuff you think you are. You were miserable in school not so much because you_ couldn't_ do what you had to – but because it wasn't important to you. You didn't care, so it wasn't worth the energy to you. Once something becomes important to you, you learn to do it just fine. Hell, you just figured that price in your head when both Scout and I'd need a pencil and paper to figure it out and Darry couldn't even do it fast as you could. You know that fancy foreign engine you've been talking about repairing all week?"

"Yeah"

"Well, how'd you learn how to do that?"

"Steve tracked down the manual. Hell, it was in German, but we figured it out by the pictures…"

He seemed to be getting the point.

"You're not even close to dumb, Soda," Darry stared at him. "Nobody here's going to let you believe that." I wondered, had we not been in the accident, whether I would have been able to do as good a job convincing him that day as the combined effort of the three of us. I doubted it.

"Alright, alright… I get it," Soda admitted. "Just – sometimes I wish I could've done better in school. It just seems so easy for you guys."

"It's not _that_ easy," Pony complained.

"You can go back, anytime," Darry asserted. "I mean it, we'll make it work. We'll all help you, buddy."

"I don't want to," Soda answered. "I'd still do the same. I just can't sit still and listen all day."

"Well, look – here's the bottom line," Darry stared at all of us. "Everyone in this family is equally important. You guys all know – if one of us is gone, or unhappy – things around here just don't function the way they should. And that definitely includes you, Soda. Christ only knows how I would have even lived through Pony and Scout being missing without you here then."

"I don't want you to go in the army," I offered. "I need you around here."

"Me too," Pony agreed. "I didn't know you were feeling this way… I wish you would 've said something. I mean – you're always reassuring me about everything. I could've told you from day one how smart you really are – probably more, since you get people so well."

"Thanks, guys." Soda smiled, a small but genuine smile. "Never thought it was that much of a big deal. But I guess maybe it was. I guess everyone needs to be reminded every now and then that they're needed."

"Oh, you're needed," Darry laughed. "In fact, you're needed to help me with dinner in a few minutes." We all laughed. "Seriously, though, you feeling okay about this now?"

"Yeah, I am."

Pony started to get up, but Darry stopped him again.

"What _now_?" he whined, obviously dying to get to his phone call.

"Well, I wanted to wait until after I was sure we were done with court, but it seems like a good time for some good news, so… I have a surprise for you and Scout."

I was still mulling over the prospect of Soda wanting to join the army, and wasn't sure I was up for a surprise, but Darry looked excited and I'm guessing Soda knew about it too, since he was suddenly on the edge of his seat.

"Okay…" Pony said. "So?"

"You're going to Uncle Pat's for a week."

This was unexpected. We always had gone down to Texas for a week and stayed with Pat and his family, but I had assumed with Darry and Soda both working, it would be out of the question this summer.

"Don't you guys have to work?" Pony asked exactly what I was thinking.

"Yeah. Oh, I mean – Soda and I aren't going. Just you and Scout."

I was totally confused. If Darry and Soda weren't going, how on Earth were we going to get there and back? I guess Darry read my mind.

"Pat sent tickets. I tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted, and when it comes right down to it, just because Soda and I are working doesn't mean the two of you don't deserve to have a vacation like usual. I mean, you two have worked harder than the two of us ever did at your age – and Scout, you've been through all sorts of rough stuff this summer… So Soda and I, well, we agreed you should go."

"When?" Pony asked.

"You leave the day after tomorrow."

I wasn't hearing most of what he said. I was thinking… 'Pat sent tickets?' I remembered Darry arguing with him over the phone, saying he didn't have to… We had always driven down to Texas and back – the whole family packed into the car…

"Tickets?" Pony demanded. "So... _plane_ tickets?"

"Yeah. He insisted," Darry answered.

"Unbelievable," Pony was practically shaking with excitement. "A plane… are you kidding me? Unbelievable. Glory, this is great!"

None of us had ever flown on a plane before – and I honestly had no plans to, anytime soon, especially alone. Or just with Ponyboy.

For what felt like the millionth time in just a few hours, my mood once again changed to something I couldn't quite decipher. Fear? Anger? One thing, however, I was sure about. As they all looked at me for my reaction to the news, I looked back at them with complete resolve.

"I'm not going."

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**A/N: As always, thank you for reading, and reviews are much loved and appreciated. Now that fanfiction allows readers to search by favorites and follows, I'd appreciate if you'd favorite and follow this story, if you havent already! Just a matter of checking a box! (feel free to review too!) **


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